Category Archives: Dating

A friend for life or just a lesson?

03 Tuesday Jan 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

≈ 51 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Last night (Monday, January 2nd, 2023) I had dinner with Mr. Sweet.   He continues to be sweet and thoughtful.  He drove from NYC to pick me up to go to dinner, and he brought bagels for my sister.

I am glad I said yes to dinner, even though I almost canceled to stay home and watch TV.  The time apart had made me realize I didn’t miss him at all.   It was great to confirm that he is definitely not the one for me, not now, not ever.

The last time I saw him was in October when we had gone to dinner in NYC with my sister and my friend.  That night he repeated that he wanted to see “what is out there”. And that night time I finally understood it. I wrote about it here:  https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/10/27/still-sweet-but-not-yet-the-one/

Last night I chose to go to Hinoki Restaurant in Greenwich, CT.  It is a restaurant I have been to before and wanted to go back.  The meal and drinks were delicious. To drink I had the Pornstar – Stoli vanilla vodka, passoa liqueur, passion-fruit puree and lime juice.  Later I had a Lychee Martini – Japanese vodka, lychee puree and dry vermouth.  He had a spicy drink, I don’t remember the name but it was good.  To eat we shared: fried rice, chicken lettuce wrap, boneless short ribs and black cod with grilled endive.  For dessert we shared lava cake with ice cream.

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”
― G.K. Chesterton, Heretics

We got caught up on what we have been up to.  He talked about a couple of trips he has taken.  He asked about my mosaics.  He talked a lot about dating.  I was okay with that, since I am no longer interested in the role of being his girlfriend.

He is still like a kid in a candy store.  It seems he is dating anyone that looks his way, or swipes right on him.  I think he may have broken some record of the most dates in one week, or something like that.  It feels a bit desperate and chaotic.

His divorce negotiations are about to start. The more we talked, the more I felt it was a good thing that we had not continued dating.  Not only his divorce will probably take forever, he seems to have a lot of growing up to do.  What appears quirky and cute, would annoy me to no end.  It seems he has money, perhaps from his family, so perhaps that is why it seems he lacks ambition and job stability.  That would make me nervous in the long run.  I want a man with more of a sense of direction.

He wanted to talk about how we ended things last time. To me there was nothing to talk about.  He felt he needed to apologize for leading me on.  I said that apologies were not necessary, I was at fault for assuming things.  I hadn’t felt sparks in a long time, and got caught up in it.  That was a great lesson that I learned and it will help prevent heartaches in the future.

“I prefer to surround myself with people who reveal their imperfection, rather than people who fake their perfection.” ― Charles F. Glassman

He said that he was hoping that I didn’t take this dinner invitation in a different way, meaning, he hoped I didn’t think it was a date.   I assured him I did not, and I didn’t.

He then started telling me that I am so great, so beautiful, so smart, that he hopes I will find someone, etc.  He added: ” I will see if I have any friends to introduce to you”. OMG, ouch, I just hate that.

I am fine if someone says: “you would be perfect for my friend/cousin, etc”.  But to say I am going to look around for someone for you is just annoying, even offensive to me.   As if having a boyfriend is such a necessity, like a job.  It is not like I am asking him to do it.  Am I the only that hates that?

My response to him was to start laughing, and I added: “Please, Please, don’t introduce me to anyone, I barely have time and motivation for the dates I find on my own.”

I also said: “I know I am a catch, and the right man for me will see it.  The fact that you said you need to see what is out there says it all.  I am not the one, and the world has not come to an end.”

That was just a blip in the evening.  We do have a great time together.  There is always a lot laughs.  At times he seems a bit childish, and that is another trait that is now charming, but probably would drive me crazy later on.

Towards the end of the date he came clean and mentioned there was someone that he was excited about and getting serious with. I think he didn’t want to say it earlier for fear of hurting me. Once he realized I could care less if he is serious about someone or not, he felt free to mention it.   I hope she is as excited about him as he is about her. I hope that, if that is the case, he stops dating every skirt he sees.

After dinner he drove me home and we hugged goodbye.  He said he is a phone call away, and that we should meet up more often.  I agreed, and said I would call him.  I may or may not.  Time will tell if this is a friend for life or not.

Speaking of being friends with guys on dating sites.  My best friend, a guy I met on Plenty of Fish in 2015, will be moving into my building this month.  He is great as a friend, let’s see how he is as a neighbor.

Tomorrow night I have a quick drinks date with a ski lover that likes Rumi.  Sounds like a promising friendship, hopefully more.

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” ― Franz Kafka

Post about this and that

09 Friday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

≈ 52 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I want to post more, I do.  I start writing a post, then I get busy or distracted; by the time I get back to it, it feels like old news and I start a new one.  I need to break this pattern.  I am going to try.  Until then, these are some of the topics/posts unfinished.

“How can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like kleenex?” ― Julia Child

Friends and baked goods.  This past weekend we met friends in Edison, NJ.  That is the half way point between my home in NY and theirs in PA.  The wife is a baker that likes to try new recipes.  She is so gracious and will gives us breads and other goodies on our birthday and for Christmas.  This time she gave my sister a box full of savory goods, and me one with sweets.  As that is our preference.

She makes a bunch of different items throughout the months and always saves us a sample.  My only complaint, if I can’t be that ungrateful, is that I was eager to have the scones, but she decided to flavor them this time with ginger. It was too strong for me.  But there were plenty of other goodies for me to try, such as the mini chocolate chip muffins below.

I feel beyond grateful to have kind, thoughtful friends, that like to bake!!!

mini chocolate chip muffins for breakfast just because

“We are made for loving. If we don’t love, we will be like plants without water.” ― Desmond Tutu

The Christmas cactuses are blooming.  The plants in my office continue to thrive. The picture below is from the beginning of the week.  Today they look even better and by next week all the buds will probably be in bloom.  I will take another picture them.

Christmas cactus starting to bloom

My Brazil jersey is a guy magnet.  Well, if the guy is a soccer loving one.  Since the World Cup is in the winter, I cannot show off my Brazilian jersey outdoors.  The 3 guys that saw me in the hall at work immediately smiled and approached me to talk about the World Cup.

Two of the guys I had crossed paths with before and there was never a hello.  All of a sudden they are my best friends.  That is the beauty of the World Cup.  It unites people in fun.

World Cup is on – Go Brazil!!

“The first World Cup I remember was in the 1950 when I was 9 or 10 years old. My father was a soccer player, and there was a big party, and when Brazil lost to Uruguay, I saw my father crying.” -Pele

Ultimatums are useless with me. I received an ultimatum from a person listed in my phone as “Waste of time”. He said it in the voice mail: “This is the last time I am calling you and leaving you a voice mail”.  I thought to myself: thank you!!

This is a person that I had one date with several years ago.  A couple of times a year he will call, waste my time on the phone complaining of how busy with work he is.  Then he will say that we need to get together and he will reach out when he has more time to meet.

Every time he called or texted I was polite and answered, but by now I had enough and blocked him.  So I don’t even see when it rings, I only get the voice mail. And now it seems I am free from that also.

I wish him well, but I am happy to never hear from him again.

“Relationships are negotiated and if you deal with ultimatums and authority all the time, then you’re not going to get anywhere.” – Phil McGraw

Friday night in NYC: a date of dinner and a show

20 Sunday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Reviews

≈ 31 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

On Friday night I met the 65 year attorney at the Elgin Restaurant for the third date.  I got there first and chose a table in the back, where was quiet and less drafty… as I thought to myself: omg, I must really be getting old, trying to be away from noise and cold air!

I had a drink called Lafayette 45. It was made with Empress Gin, Lemon Juice, Simple Syrup & Prosecco.  He doesn’t normally drink, he had a diet coke.  For appetizers we had fried cauliflower and also a Mediterranean platter with a trio of dips.  For entrée I chose sirloin sliders.  He had a salad with tons of stuff in it.  We chose not to have dessert.  I have been having too much sugar lately.

After dinner we headed to the Walter Karr Theatre to see Hadestown.  I knew we were going to the theater but I didn’t know which show.  I was happy it was a show I hadn’t seen it before. The theater was a small space, there was really no bad seat.  Our seats were in the middle orchestra, about 10 rows from the front.  It was close enough for me. 

Hadestown is a musical loosely based on Greek Mythology story of the love affair between Orpheus and Eurydice.  Overall, I enjoyed the show specially because I went in with no expectations.  Since I didn’t know what we would be seeing I didn’t do any research or read anything about the show.  

I really enjoyed it, but I found that the set/scenery could have been better. I have come to expect to be wowed any time I go to see anything on Broadway, specially musicals.  Here, there was not much of it. I kept waiting for the set to change it, but it really never did.  There was one setting change, but it was not really different from the original. I felt it could have been more creative.

I also had a problem with some songs.  While I loved most of them, I felt that some of them were there to just fill space.   At those times my mind would drift off, waiting for something to grab my attention again. At those times I wished the show was shorter.

While I really enjoyed the show I do wish the setting was more creative and some songs were removed.  But looking back, I feel like that about a lot shows.  I guess some song fillers are necessary.  However the singers and dancers were all amazing.  Some of the best voices I have heard.  For that alone I would go back.

As far as my date, he continues to be such a gentleman, so thoughtful and kind. He would not let me take the train or an Uber after the show.  He drove me 40 minutes out of his way to take me home.  Again, when he dropped me off, I reached over, hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek when I said good bye.

The chemistry is still not there, and I doubt it will ever be there. I don’t think we will be going on any more dates.  Unless he is okay with friendship only.

Somewhere between the second and third date

16 Wednesday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 40 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

 

Crabtree's Kittle House

Crabtree’s Kittle House

“This is trouble with you. You think you want, you don’t think you want–always back and forth. Me, when I want, it is with whole heart. I look at wanted thing with eyes straight on. But you! Neither here nor there. Your looking always crooked, from side of eye. It has no power to hold. So wanted thing, it slip away from you.” ― Ruth Ozeki, My Year of Meats

I sit here in the space between dates 2 and 3 with the 65 year old attorney.  But before I get to that place, let me tell you about the second date.

He called me and asked me out.  There is not much texting with him.  He is old fashioned that way.  I said yes to the date and to him picking me up.  He didn’t say where we were going.  He just said it would be a nice restaurant. I like surprises so I didn’t mind not knowing.

At 5: 30 on Sunday he picked me up.  He had a gift for me.  When I opened the small pack, it was a bar of soap (see the pic at the end).  He saw that I was confused and reminded me that I had joked about taking a shower for the date, or something like that.  I don’t recall exactly what I said, but I guess it was funny and memorable to him.  Bonus points for originality.  I have gotten flowers, books, chocolate, and even bread as date gifts, but never soap.

The drive there took us to the area where I lived with the Ex.  Being in that area brought back some memories.  I am happy to report, that I was totally indifferent to the memories.  The memories came, I acknowledged them, and even mentioned it to my date.  Then as fast as they came, they went.  It was just the past, something I lived and it was over.  I didn’t feel sad or nostalgic.

“Man himself is so buffeted by shifts of thought and mood, not knowing from one day to the next what he truly feels, that a shifting earth is well-nigh the last straw.” ― Beryl Bainbridge, Master Georgie

After 40 minutes we arrived at Crabtree’s Kittle House Restaurant and Inn in Chappaqua NY.  It is a gorgeous place, that was a bit hard to find in the dark as it is nestled in a residential area and a golf course.

To drink I had a sugar cane and blueberry cocktail.  He had diet coke. He didn’t overdo this time with appetizers and desserts.  For appetizer we had 2 dishes. One with mushrooms, grilled plums, red cabbage and butternut puree.  The other was a Tofu taco bowl, it had black rice, tofu, pickled onions and some other greens.  For the entrée I had the hanger steak with fries and a side of arugula with feta cheese.  He had a vegetarian Sheppard’s pie.  For dessert I had a chocolate and peanut butter crunch bar with coconut gelato.  Everything was delicious.

The drive back was equally fun, with no lull in the conversation.  We talked about family, vacations, etc. There is always a lot laughs. When he dropped me off at my building, I just reached over and hugged him goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

I didn’t feel any romantic sparks, but he is so much fun to be with.  A combination of smart conversation and plenty of humor.  I spent Monday thinking about what to do if he asks me out again.

“I don’t do anything with my life except romanticise and decay with indecision” ― Allen Ginsberg

In the evening the phone rang.  It was him.  He asked if I would like to meet him on Friday in NYC for dinner and a Broadway show.  I immediately said yes.  How can I say no to a Broadway show with great company?

I like to think that he is enjoying spending time with me even if there is not romance in the future.  Could there be something else eventually?  Should I continue to go on dates with someone even if there are no sparks?

I normally say that chemistry is either there or not there.  There is no creating it out of nothing.  But a conversation I had earlier that day is making me rethink it.  Perhaps there is some merit to going on more dates even if there are no sparks at the beginning.

“By dawn he had surrendered, gratefully, to the old inertia, the product of always seeing both sides of every question.” ― Robert Harris, Enigma

Earlier in the day I had exchanged messages with a potential date.  He complained that women seem to make up their minds too fast without giving the relationship a chance to develop.  He argued that there should be more than a few dates to see if there is chemistry or not. There should be more time invested in getting to know each other before moving on.

I explained my opinion about it.  To me, if I know there will be nothing else other than friendship, it feels somewhat dishonest to continue going on dates.  I feel I am wasting the other person’s time and energy.  If I know that I only want friendship shouldn’t I just say that and move on? But what if I am wrong?  What if feelings can develop?

The potential date stood firm on his opinion that one should get to know each other over several dates before making a decision. I guess he feels women haven’t given him enough of a chance in the past. He is supposed to reach out to schedule a date for some time this week.

For now I figure that 3 dates and an honest conversation will be enough to see if there should be more dates or not.

“If you don’t know which way to go in the middle of a bridge, you better enjoy the bridge! Sometimes the solution comes only when you give up the future and enjoy the present!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday date with a river view

10 Thursday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

“She paused and added seriously, ‘Isn’t it funny the way we’re talking, just as though we’ve known each other for years and years.’
He said easily, ‘Oh, I’m a great believer in instant friendship.” ― Betty Neels, The Little Dragon

I don’t like to drive too long for a first date, but when my date chooses Harvest on Hudson Restaurant, I will gladly drive the 25 minutes it takes to get there.

I got there a few minutes before he did.  We met by the door and hugged hello.  The hostess sat us at a table with a beautiful view of the Hudson River.

He is 64 years old. He works in real estate management and construction.  Twice divorced, no kids. He looked better in person.

In most of my dates there is never a lack of conversation.  And this one was no different, we talked a lot.  He probably talked more than I did.  He shared a lot, actually perhaps a bit too much for a first date.

He shared some details of his childhood that brought the mood down a bit.  Nothing crazy, but enough to make the mood turn serious and emotional. I appreciated him feeling comfortable enough with me to share some painful memories, but I was glad that we moved on from that conversation and we could just have fun conversation.

First dates are supposed to be light and fun.  But then again, there are no rules.  I thought about my own behavior on first dates.  I often feel I share too much as well, so I will try to tone it down in the future.

“There’s a sorrow and pain in everyone’s life, but every now and then there’s a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed.” — Hubert Selby Jr., “Requiem for a Dream”

The food was delicious.  For appetizers we shared the Caesar salad, meatballs and cod fritters.  I had cod for the entrée and he had the branzino.  For dessert I ordered a chocolate torte, that I never touched and took it home.  His phyllo gelato ice cream was enormous and so delicious, so we shared that. Even the bread and butter were yummy.  I ate so much.

To drink we both had passionfruit caipirinhas.  Just 1 each even though it was delicious.  We knew we would have to drive home.

Afterwards we walked to our cars and hugged good bye.  I texted when I got home to thank him for dinner.  He replied, and also texted the next morning.

He is going away today for one week and wants to get together when he returns.  I need to think about it.   I didn’t feel any romantic vibes, mostly friendship.  I don’t want to lead him on, but perhaps a second date wouldn’t be a bad idea.  I will decide by the time he returns.

I feel blessed to meet some great gentlemen and go to some great restaurants, chemistry or not.  If I get a friend I feel it is a win!!

In the meantime Mr. Sweet has been in touch every now and then.  He injured his back but texted asking if I want to meet when he is feeling better.  I said yes.

“…while finding true love was one of the most splendid things that could happen to you in life, finding a friend was equally splendid.” ― Félix J. Palma, The Map of the Sky

 

 

First date with the injury attorney

05 Saturday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Food

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly

The date on Thursday evening was a lot fun. He likes to eat and wanted to try everything on the menu.  It was a feast!

Place: Maria’s Restaurant in New Rochelle

To drink: He doesn’t drink alcohol.  He drank diet cokes like it was going out of style. I had a delicious drink called Queen Margherita. It was made with Patron Silver, Passionfruit, Elderflower and lime. I had them use vodka instead of tequila. It was very tempting to have a couple, but I had only one.

To eat: He wanted to order everything, well except meat dishes. He is a vegetarian that recently turned vegan, but last night he made an exception and had cheese. We had 4 different appetizers. For entrée I chose the cod fish, which was delicious but I took most of it home as there was a lot food.  He had some beans and potatoes that they made special for him.  He also ordered some extra sides.

For dessert, even though he normally doesn’t eat sugar, he ordered 3 desserts for us to share (pictured above).  They were all delicious, even though none had chocolate in it!

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” ― Erma Bombeck

He is a 65yr old semi-retired attorney. He is very smart and very funny.  He talks a lot and so do I.  He asked a lot questions and seemed genuinely interested in hearing my answers.  He was very open talking about his life.

He has been divorced for decades, and has a good relationship with the ex-wife and his two married daughters.  He seems to be well adjusted, emotionally stable and a good person.

One funny moment.  Towards the end of the evening he fell down.  It is hard to explain, he was returning from the bathroom and when he went to sit down he misjudged the seat distance and fell.  He got up so fast, before I had the chance to try to help him.  I started laughing, I couldn’t help myself.  Luckily, he couldn’t either.  

It was such a fun date with tons of laughs, but I am not sure about chemistry.  I would probably go on a second date if he asks.  We shall see.

In the meantime, there are more dates on the horizon.  On Sunday I am going to a favorite restaurant in a gorgeous location for an early dinner date with a 60 year old businessman (not sure what he does exactly, will find out more on Sunday)

I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend!

“I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

The Disappearance of Rosemary

03 Thursday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Food

≈ 41 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

Last month when I went to see friends in Philadelphia I brought back with me 8 different types of herbs that they had in their garden.  They were: Basil, sage, oregano, rosemary, mint, tarragon, thyme and lemon mint.  

I didn’t plant them right way, I kept them in the fridge until I returned to the office.  That was probably mistake number 1.  I didn’t have enough soil or vases, so I ended up using some Tupperware containers and borrowed some soil from my other plants.  Probably mistake number 2.   Four of them I planted on the same vase with a ficus plant.  Probably mistake number 3.  I overwatered the solo ones, mistake number 4.

Here are the ones with the ficus when I was planting them: On the bottom left you can see the rosemary.

They were going to stay here until I got planter box.

I was never successful with growing herbs but I figured the glorious sun that comes in the morning in my office would be my ally.  The glorious sun was not enough to give them all life when I was so careless about planting them to begin with.

Fast forward to this Monday. By then only 2 seemed to look like it could actually grow: the rosemary and the basil. All others looked like they were dying a slow death.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” — Martin Luther

The building sent a couple of guys to come in to apply a film to a newly installed glass window.  When I saw them coming in I ran to move the plants out of the way, as some are on the window sill.  I joked that I had to make sure they were okay.  

They did the work, and as they were leaving I was in the kitchen. I thanked them and offered them coffee or a soda.  One of them asked for water, and the other seemed in a hurry to leave.  He seemed annoyed that the other asked for water and he had to wait.  It felt weird. Something seemed off.  I just figured he was hungry and wanted to get to his lunch, since it was lunchtime. 

After they left I went to put my plants back on the window sill, and when I looked down at the ficus I noticed that the rosemary was missing.  There was also some soil around the vase.

What???

After they left, there was nothing where the rosemary used to be. And you can see the others are not doing that great either.

I asked my co-worker to come check it out to confirm I was not imagining things.  We  thought of different scenarios.  One of them was that perhaps they accidently hit it with the ladder and destroyed it.  But where are the remnants?  We looked in the garbage and saw a can of some spray they used, but nothing else.  

I immediately suspected the young guy that was in a hurry.  Perhaps he was cooking pork or fish tonight.  Rosemary is great on those.  Or perhaps he is trying out some exotic cocktail.  I just had a passionfruit and rosemary cocktail that was to die for.  Or perhaps he wanted to smudge his house and confused it with sage.  Or perhaps rosemary is the new weed. I pictured him sitting on his couch and smoking it that night.

All joking aside, whatever happened to it, I don’t know, and I guess I will never know.  I just know that I had a tiny rosemary plant when they got here, and I no longer had it when they left. 

My co-worker wanted me to get a hold of them and asked them about it.  I didn’t want to make a big deal, and appear like a lunatic.  Also, the did was done. No answer would change it.  And, sad to say, it was probably going to die anyway. As of today only the basil still stands.  

Next time I am getting the planter and soil first, and then getting the herbs.  Also, I probably should read about how to plant them, instead of thinking I can just throw them in a pot and hope for the best. And last, I will watch anyway coming near my plants like a hawk now.

***

Tonight I have a date with a semi retired attorney.  He sounds fun and easy to talk to.  He texted to confirm tonight’s date and said: bring you appetite.  I said: I haven’t eaten in 2 days.  He also gave me his full name and business website.  Turns out he has only 5 star reviews.

Stay tuned to see how many starts he gets from me.

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you
don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not
doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or
less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have
problems with our friends or family, we blame the other
person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will
grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive
effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason
and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no
reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you
understand, and you show that you understand, you can
love, and the situation will change” — Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Still Sweet, but not yet the One

27 Thursday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 32 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“There sits the skiff – over there perhaps is the entryway to the great nothing. But who wants to board this “perhaps”?” ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Mr. Sweet continues to be sweet and kind.  But he is not the One… at least not right now.  Right now he is a friend that I go to dinner with every now and then.

He had already told me he didn’t want to date seriously and wanted “to see what is out there”.  Well, I have seen what is out there and it is pretty grim.  Kidding, but not really.

Even though he said he would continue dating, I was under the impression that he was not.  I took his excitement about me as a sign that he would not be interested in looking for anyone else.  I assumed that the reason his Match profile had disappeared was because he was focused only on me.  I assumed that with all the attention/daily texting/calling, that I was the only one.  All my assumptions were not based on reality, but based on what my heart wanted and the stories that sometimes I tell myself.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. Montgomery, Emily’s Quest

I normally follow: “pay attention to a man’s action and not his words”, and this time that is what tripped me up.  I should have taken his word at face value.   He said he was going to date other people, why would I read in his behavior anything else?

I don’t like to have regrets, but I do regret passing on some people on Match that seemed great just because I thought this was going the distance.  And now they are gone.  Oh well, if they were for really me they wouldn’t be gone, would they?  So I digress, no regrets!

“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” ― Marcel Duchamp

My heart got excited and forgot to do a reality check about the situation. For starters, his divorce is only just starting, and it looks like it is going to be a long war.  There is a prenuptial agreement involved, but mediation fell through, and she is now ignoring his attorney’s letters.

Then there is the fact that I agree he should stay single, go on dates, have fun. I do not believe someone coming out of a long-term relationship (in this case a 27-year marriage) should immediately embark on another.  

While I am not sure what I want, I did think we had a good thing going and didn’t want him dating around.  I wanted to see where we could go. The future seemed so bright for us, or so I dreamed!

“Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps.”― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

I don’t want to date someone seriously while the person is dating around.  So, for now we are not seriously dating, or dating seriously.  We are dating, meaning we go out to dinner, bars, ect. A kiss every now and then, but that is it.  And I am even rethinking the kissing.  Not because I am a prude, but because I want to protect my heart from getting too tangled up in something not serious.

While dating multiple people may be appealing to some, I now prefer to date intentionally, one person at a time.  I may go on many dates, but if I have more than 2 dates with someone then that is where I will focus my attention and energy.

I must understand that his wanting to see what is out there is not about me. It is about him.  That is the distinction I need to make.  I was taking it all personally.  This is not a rejection, but an opportunity.  Feeling rejected make us victims and take our power away.  This is an opportunity to explore my feelings, wants and needs.

“When things do not go your way, remember that every challenge — every adversity — contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I can’t complain about him.  This is not about him; this is about my feelings and my interpretation of this new relationship.  We agreed on honesty on day 1 and he has lived it up to that.  He continues to be honest, kind and thoughtful.  In this just over 1-month relationship we have met several times alone and 3 times with my sister and my friend.   He continues to bring my sister bagels every time we meet.

The last time we saw each other was Saturday when we went to dinner and walked around NY City with my sister and friend.  He brought his professional camera and took many pictures of us in Times Square.  Always smiling and happy to help, that is something that we share.

“Love can only be found through the act of loving.” ― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

He wanted to try to meet this week:

I am busy with my friend. It is her last week here, so I want this week to be about her.  Also, if I am being completely transparent (and I aim to be) I hate the feeling that he is fitting me among a bunch of dates.

I am excited about his friendship though.  I know that no matter what happens we will remain friends, and I love that part.

He continues to be Mr. Sweet, but there could be Mr. Sweeter for me around the corner.  Or even the Sweetest of them of all.  Or perhaps what I really need is Mr. Semi-Sweet.   I guess I got hurry up and go see what is out there.  Yet Again.

“People say they find love, as if it were an object hidden under a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Introducing Mr. Sweet

03 Monday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

“We must pursue what’s in front of us, not what we can’t have or what we have lost. We must grasp what we can reach and hold on, fast.” ― Maggie O’Farrell, This Must Be the Place

We met 13 days ago.  We are both amazed how it feels more like 13 months or years.  I have been hesitating about him. It feels so strong and yet it feels so fragile… if that makes any sense.

Something about safeguarding it and not letting the sunlight, the outside in, and spoil all the possibilities. For the bakers out there, do you know when you have a beautiful risen cake in the oven and you open the oven door too early and the cold air makes the beautiful cake collapses?  That is what I am trying to prevent from happening it here. 

I guess I don’t want to jinx it.  But why am I being all superstitious about it?  It is what it is.  Will be what will be. 

Here we go:

Mr. Sweet will be 57 years old next month (making him only 5 months older than I am).  He looks very young for his age.  I think I look young too, so that is a match.  He is shorter than I would like, but I realize that I can’t have it all 😉 

At the moment he is doing something with insurance, I am not sure all the details. He mentioned that he is financially secure – that is important to me – I don’t want to support a man.  The divorce is not final, but it is in the works.  Will save more details for later.

First Date: September 21 at Modern Restaurant.  As I walked in, he left the bar and came to meet me at door.  This little detail meant the world to me.  So many times I have to walk to the bar and wonder who is my date.  I have walked up to the wrong person in the past.

He had a huge smile on his face.  We were seated immediately.  We shared a Caesar salad and a pizza.  I had a glass of prosecco. He had beer.  We only stopped talking and left the restaurant because we were the only table left and we felt we had to leave.

He walked me to my building.  I hugged him good bye.  There was no kiss, but I wouldn’t have minded if had kissed me.

“In the arts, as in life, everything is possible provided it is based on love.” ― Marc Chagall

Date Two: September 23 at Town House Restaurant. It is a new restaurant in New Rochelle that I was looking forward to trying.  This time he took the train from NYC.  I met him at the station and we walked to the restaurant.

We shared the duck and the burger and a green bean appetizer.  For dessert we shared the flan and a chocolate cremeaux.  I had a cosmo, as they didn’t have passion fruit, and all other cocktails on the menu were weird… there was even a mushroom cocktail. He had a guava infused mezcal drink.

Everything was delicious about this evening.  He walked me to my door and we kissed good bye.  The kiss had my favorite flavor: promise and possibilities.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Date three: September 28. Wooden Spoon Restaurant. I wish I could erase that hour on that restaurant from my mind.  As I was biting into the burger, I found the cheese oddly stringy.  Then on the second bite I realized: it was a hair.  I am still grossed out about that.  Needless to say I lost my appetite.  He offered to take me some other place, but I couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything else at that point.

We walked around the neighborhood, and then I invited him to my apartment.  I was getting hungry, but didn’t want to go anywhere. My sister had given me magic bars that afternoon so I was looking forward to that.

We had magic bars, listened to music and talked, talked, talked.  Believe it or not, this guy talks more than I do.  There is never any awkward silent with us.

First time in a long time that I have a guy over at my apartment.  I had no qualms about inviting him in.  I felt like I am inviting an old friend.

The highlight of the evening: He brought me chocolates from Jacques Torres.  He made a point of bringing me some with coconut and some with coffee as those are my favorites. 

and the sweetest kisses with the softest lips…

“Choose Love, Love! Without the sweet life of
Love, living is a burden—as you have seen.”
― Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love

Date Four: September 30 at Alvin and Friends.  It is a always reliable restaurant.  We shared the empanadas as appetizer and for the entrée we had the ribs, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, cole slaw.  For dessert we shared the coconut cheesecake. I had a prosecco cocktail and he had a minty mule.

We left the restaurant and stopped by my sister’s apartment to give her some left overs.  He met my sister briefly.  She called me after to ask his age.  He does look young. 

Again he came into my apartment, stayed awhile, then called an Uber and went home.  I love that there is no pressure for anything.

He brought me 2 kinds of bread, and a chocolate caramel tart. He knows I love breads and chocolate.  Perhaps I should have told him I love jewelry. lol

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Date Five: I guess after 5 I will stop counting them.  Monday, October 3rd, tonight.   I said I was going to cook, but I immediately regretted it as it is a busy day at work, and I would feel stressed about it.  I told him, and he said it was okay.  So instead of a dinner date, it will be an after dinner date.

Gosh, now I am panicking because I should have drinks and dessert in the house.  Oh well. 

We both have a lot going on this month and we won’t be able to see each other for awhile.  That is why we are sneaking this date tonight.  

Please don’t worry, I am not blinded by all the sweetness and thoughtfulness, but I am totally bathing myself in it.  

I can’t wait to see what happens next… as if this is a movie that I am watching, and I am not the main character.  The possibilities are infinite, and I am so ready for all of them.

got run, work to finish, run home, shower and beautify myself 🙂

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather have more than somebody lovin’ me.” ― Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

Dates Update: September 2022

02 Sunday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

“Abandon the urge to simplify everything, to look for formulas and easy answers, and to begin to think multidimensionally, to glory in the mystery and paradoxes of life, not to be dismayed by the multitude of causes and consequences that are inherent in each experience — to appreciate the fact that life is complex.” ― M. Scott Peck

Here is a quick update on the last few dates:

The 60-year old Stock Broker. We became texting friends.  He is a great guy, but there was really no chemistry for me.  His life has been very complicated lately, so we haven’t been able to meet again, as friends.  I hope that the complications in his life get sorted out.

The 65-year old Doctor.  The coffee date went well. The conversation was great, but I didn’t think there was enough there for a second date.  I was surprised when he texted a few days later, and asked me out on a second date for Wednesday night. 

I said yes, thinking there was no harm in meeting for a second time.  I immediately realized that I had said yes to someone else also, but decided not to cancel right away.

It turns out I didn’t need to.  The next day he texted and said: “I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready.  I need to hold off on Wednesday for now.”  I said: “no problem, best wishes”

Later he texted back that he was going to call me on Wednesday.  I replied that I didn’t see the point of that.  He came back with: “It is not that I am not interested.  I just need to take some time for myself.”

I just decided not to reply anymore.  He is just cheap and doesn’t want to spend money on dinner, that is my take.  While I am not a materialistic person, I am allergic to cheapness.

Yesterday he texted: “What are you doing Saturday”

If I were going to answer it would be: “Not going out with you.”

I didn’t reply.  I don’t want to spend any  on him anymore.

The dog guy.  He is a great guy, but only friend material.  There was not any hint of anything romantic about our two dates.  I think he realized it also.  After some texting back and forth, it fizzled. I will miss Mr. W. the dog.

Then there was Mr. Very Smart. We went on one date. We had dinner at Sergio’s in Pelham, NY.  Everything was delicious, including the conversation.  He is so wise and resourceful that he was able to find this blog with very little information.  So, if you are reading this: Hello 🙂

I met him between dates 1 and 2 with the guy I will be mentioning next.  Had I not gone on additional dates with Mr. Sweetness, I would probably have gone on additional dates with Mr. Very Smart.

That brings me to Mr. Sweet.  We had 4 dates so far.  Since this post is getting too long, I will be writing about him on the next.

I will just mention that all feel magical!

“When nothing is expected, and everything is appreciated, all becomes magical.” ― Broms The Poet, Feast