Category Archives: Poetry

Through poetic, romantic eyes

Coffee and friends: the perfect blend

30 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts, Poetry

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“Either way, he figured a cup of coffee would hit the spot. For what is more versatile? As at home in tin as it is in Limoges, coffee can energize the industrious at dawn, calm the reflective at noon, or raise the spirits of the beleagured in the middle of the night.” ― Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

Again I am struggling to finish posts.  Blame it on lack of time and lack of focus.  Ideas come and go, and they fail to land on a page and be posted. 

I am trying to be better and do better.   

In the meantime my mosaics keep going.  Here is another one.  Now that I posted the pictures, I can see a lot of issues with the final product.  Such as, there are some areas where I need to clean some more of the grout off.  But if I am going to wait to do that first to post, this would be another post that wouldn’t see the light of the day.

Also, that is the beauty of mosaics, it is never perfect 🙂

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”- Seinfeld

“What the hell makes you smart?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t go for coffee with you.”
“Listen – I wouldn’t ask you.”
“That,” she replied, “is what makes you stupid.”
― Erich Segal, Love Story

“Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Hour of the Lion

“Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup” ― Gertrude Stein, Selected Writings

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”-Anne Morrow Lindberg

And here is a sneak peak at the start of a ladybug, inspired by Monica at https://brilliantviewpoint.com/2021/09/03/ladybug-more-luck/

 

Of Saints and Mothers

09 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts, Poetry

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“Art is the child of nature in whom we trace the features of the mothers face.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My mother has always been more spiritual than religious.   Even though I grew up catholic, we never attended mass.  As a child, my sister and I went to Sunday Bible School at a Baptist church with our neighbors.  

My mother preached the idea that you don’t need to attend church to pray.  She never said one religion was better than the other, instead she would say that any place where the word of God is being spoken was a good place. 

“It does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are 20 gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” ― Thomas Jefferson

She was leery of people that attended church religiously.  She often mentioned that most people she knew acted one way in church, and outside of it proceeded to stab their brother/sister on the back. That included pastors, priests and such.   

She lives by the “do no harm” and “always help others” rule.  I am grateful for having learned that early on.  With my mother I learned about the concepts of karma and reincarnation.  She used to talk about books she read on those subjects, including books about spiritism by Allan Kardec.

We also attended weekly meetings of Seicho-No-Ie.  They believe mostly in the power of positive thinking and the gratitude for our ancestors.  I am blessed that I grew up exposed to different religions and beliefs.  All mind opening, all enriching, all positive!

“God has made different religions to suit different aspirants, times, and countries. All doctrines are only so many paths; but a path is by no means God himself. Indeed, one can reach God if one follows any of the paths with whole-hearted devotion…One may eat a cake with icing either straight or sidewise. It will taste sweet either way.” ― Sri Ramakrishna

As my mother ages – she will be 86 in May, she has become more religious.  She still doesn’t attend mass but she watches it on TV every day at 6pm.  The mass that she watches is held at the Cathedral Basilica of the National Shrine of Our Lady Aparecida. It is a huge church located in the state of Sao Paulo in Brazil. A picture of it is at the top of this post.  It is the second largest catholic church in the world.  The largest one is, of course, located in the Vatican.

“I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother.” ― Martha Gellhorn

Nossa Senhora da Aparecida is the Portuguese term for the Blessed Virgin Mary.  It is Brazil’s patron saint and the saint most Brazilians are devoted to. The official statue is housed in a shrine in the church.  See a picture of the actual statue above.

I had the idea of doing that statue in mosaic for my mother.  I had to take some artistic license but I think I was successful in capturing the spirit of it. 

If you are from Brazil you will have no problem recognizing the statue.  If you are not, then I hope you appreciate the attempt.

“Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the confident anticipation that lilies will reward his labour.” ― Somerset Maugham

I forget to take pictures along the way as I work, but here are some:

In the below picture I need to glue the background tiles and add all the accessories.

.

This is the final version:

The jewels on the crown are from a bracelet that I took apart. The cross on the crown and on the necklace are from a pair of earrings that I bought specifically for that. The flags are 2 pins that I had.  The leaves on the bottom are from earrings and the scroll on the bottom of the statue are part of a hair barrette. 

Is it perfect?  Absolutely not!  But I love, love, love it! It is done with so much love and I know my mother will love it.

I think it is whimsical and yet respectful.  I am proud of creating it.

I have another project almost finished and also just started something for my dad so he doesn’t feel left out.  I am becoming a mosaic machine 🙂

“A saint is not someone who never sins, but one who sins less and less frequently and gets up more and more quickly.” ― St. Bernard of Clairvaux

“Sinner’ and ‘saint’ are waves of differing size and magnitude on the surface of the same sea. Each is a natural outcome of forces in the universe; each is governed by time and causation. Nobody is utterly lost, and nobody need despair.” ― David James Duncan

 

 

Don’t try to make sense, just dance!

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me, Food, Poetry

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“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” -Rumi

Last night I saw anxiety creeping in. Yes I actually saw it. I looked in the mirror and the face looking back at me was not the usual smiling face with bright shiny eyes. This face had dead sad eyes and the lips were just there, unmovable walls. Looking in the mirror only made the dark feelings intensify.

Nothing made sense.  Nothing felt right. I was alone. I was weak.

I knew that if I gave into those feelings I would soon be crying and feeling totally powerless and beaten. Crying is definitely okay in my book but when I have a reason for it. Crying out of pity for myself is not productive, it is not what I do, it is not who I am.

I felt hungry as if I hadn’t eaten in days. I wanted to head to the fridge and stuff my face in something sweet. I wanted to drown the sad feelings in a tub of ice cream. I wanted chocolate cookies to prevent my tears from falling. I wanted my best friend Sugar to assure me that I was going to be okay.

The problem with my friend Sugar is that it is such a sneaky weasel. It takes me to amazing high levels of euphoria and then, not too long after it has me crashing down. That is a roller coaster that tonight I refuse to get on.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”  – Rumi

I am smarter than that. I know this is not a physical hunger, after all I just had a great dinner of brown rice, vegetables and chicken. I even had a tiny piece of cheesecake for dessert. This is my being crying out for attention. This was my body trying to make my insides feel better by giving in to outsides urges.

Sugar is my drug of choice. For you it may be something else, alcohol, shopping, etc, Whatever it is, when used in this way it is not a friend, it is an enemy.

I knew exactly what prompted the feelings I was having. It all started 30 minutes before.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”  – Rumi

Around 8:30pm I called P. He calls every night and last night I decided I should call for a change and to let him know that I do think of him. The call went straight to voice mail. Immediately I felt like I was punched on the stomach. How dare he not answer the phone and worse, why it is off.  It didn’t feel right. Immediately my delusional self starting conjuring up all kinds of thoughts.

That was on top of having gone this entire week without scheduling a date. We talked about meeting Saturday night and/or Sunday, and even me possibly going to his house, but there is nothing definite.  And of also realizing that he is still on the dating app.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

The woman in me that got cheated on over 5 years ago came back full force and started connecting the invisible dots and creating stories. I vow not to be made a fool ever again.  I thought he was probably on a date and turned the phone off not to be disturbed. Not only was he on a date but he would probably start liking her better than he likes me. Soon this blossoming relationship would shrivel up and die.

The reality is that we have known each other for less than a month and have gone on 4 dates only. Even though we both feel this is different, we really have no clue. I realize that relationships need to marinated, need be tended to, need to have air to breath.

There is nothing really happening. We are both free to date other people. I like to say that competition is welcomed.  It only makes me look better.

I don’t believe that every guy will cheat on me. I also believe that there is a guy for me out there and I am not sure it is him. I am also not sure it is not him yet.

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”  – Rumi

Where is this delusional, insecure, paranoid, jealous woman coming from?

Then it hits me:

PMS

I am glad I keep track of it.  I look at the app in my phone and there it is.  I am in the middle of PM.  I know these feeling are momentary and not based in reality. I know they will pass.  All I have to do is be okay with feeling uncomfortable and sad for a moment.

The feeling of doom. The feeling that the world is coming to an end. The paralysis. That is what PMS feels like to me. I even warn people about it, as I know I can be a little out of my mind at that time.

So it is just you, PMS, old frenemy! You don’t own me! You can mess up my hormones every now and then, but I will show you who the boss is!

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”  – Rumi

So I did the only thing I could think to do:

I DANCED!

I put some loud music on and I danced. I danced like no one was watching and no one really was. If they were they would probably want to join in as I was having so much fun. I danced as if I wanted the dance moves to shake the fears and anxiety away from my body.

I danced with my soul.  It was a freedom, gratitude, euphoria, wanting to live and love dance!!

IT WORKED!

I felt instantly better. I felt alive! I felt energized! I felt grounded and centered! Life returned to my eyes, the smile to my lips. As in a miracle, the dark cloud lifted.

To continue on my good mood trajectory, I started thinking of all the blessings I have in my life. The list is so huge and amazing,  it is impossible to be sad or down when confronted with that knowledge.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

At 9:44pm he texted me to say sorry. He said he had fallen asleep without saying good night. He said he had laid down for a minute and didn’t wake up until now.
I said that I thought he was out and about and had the phone off not to be bothered. He said the battery had died on his phone.

Do I believe him? I don’t know! At this point I don’t care. There is nothing going on. We are getting to know each other. So I am keeping an open mind and will trust until I have a reason not to. I will also not create problems and be overly dramatic or clingy.

The odd thing is that getting his text didn’t make me feel happy or relieved.  It was indifferent.  Proving to me that at the end of the day, we are in charge of our emotions and well-being.  No one can make you feel better or worse, loved or unloved.  Only you have that power.  The sooner we realize that the happier we become.

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

This is the first time I use dance as a coping mechanism, as a pacifier and medication.  I normally go to gratitude and prayer.

May I offer everyone that suggestion?  Next time you are down, how about you get up and dance.  While dancing you can make mental lists of all blessings and say a prayer thanking for all of those blessings.

***

The dancing reminded me of one of my favorite poets and scholar: Rumi. His poems and teachings really resonate with me. They touch my inner being. They make life make sense to me. They make me want to love with abandon.

“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.”

With Rumi in my mind I peppered this post with his quotes and I offer everyone this poem. I hope that everyone at some point in their lives get to love with abandon.

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more”
Rumi

 

We can be brighter than the sun!

12 Thursday Jul 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Poetry

≈ 16 Comments

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Because I am duality personified: One day I cry over a lost love, the next I smile dreaming and welcoming a new one.  Because fear of getting hurt again doesn’t scare me!

So, this is to you, brand new, dare I say it? yes I dare, LOVE!

Because I dare to dream I dare to want you

I dare to want you because I dare to dream

In this sacred space that is called heart

I have made room for you, and yet it is not a prison – you can always get out

But if you choose to leave some remnants of what never was will always be

Because the dark crying days makes me want you more

The magic of what it is to come is too tempting to pass up

I wished I had waited for you and be yours to discover for the first time

I hoped and pursued, and in each failed one I hoped for you

But your arrival is still doubtful, your fears are consuming, almost paralyzing

And in the pieces of my broken heart I see the future even more bright

I am in love with the now, with all the promises that it holds

Nothing better than to wonder when we will meet, to dream about the details

Who needs reality? All my dreams awake and asleep are you

Will you be as hungry for me as I am for you?

Turning my bedroom into a battle zone, messing up my hair and my mind in the end

I want all that intimacy again, but I want more and I want better

I want to be taken and savored and fall sleep exhausted in your arms

In the meantime I wait, for you to come and take what is yours

And yet there is no pressure, nothing will change, because in all this I am just being me

Simply loving, without fully knowing, completely giving without reservations

Taking huge leaps of faiths, willing to fall and get hurt again

My mind tries, but the heart is always in control, so there is no choice but to offer myself completely

**

Because sometimes a song illustrates so well what I want to say.  This song is for you because I think our love can be brighter than the sun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU5o6M7S5nQ

“Brighter Than The Sun” – Colbie Caillat

Stop me on the corner
I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn’t expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go with it
Don’t you blink you might miss it
See we got a right to just love it or leave it
You find it and keep it
Cause it ain’t every day you get the chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

I’ve never seen it, I found this love, I’m gonna feed it
You better believe, I’m gonna treat it better than anything I’ve ever had
Cause you’re so damn beautiful
Read it, it’s signed and delivered let’s seal it
Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae
And everybody needs to get a chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

Everything is like a white out, cause we shika-shika a shine down
Even when the, when the light’s out but I can see you glow
Got my head up in the rafters, got me happy ever after
Never felt this way before, ain’t felt this way before

I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn’t expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go?

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

WANTED MAN!

14 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Fiction, Poetry

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You are a wanted man!

How does it feel?

Is this just a flash in the pan?

Or is it real?

 

Your arrival was sudden

No announcement

No fanfare

You became a “what if”

Are you feeling what I am feeling?

 

You take a chance and make the first move

I take it from there and lead you straight into my all

I think you didn’t expect, yet you welcomed

 

You are a wanted man!

I want you and I am not shy

Take it easy, use you head

Those will be the warnings that we will hear

 

Do we dare to go ahead and defy all odds?

Or do we step back and use reason?

 

I want to have yesterday all over again

I want to have yesterday every day

You tongue, your fingers, your words

your body knew how to dance to my music

 

You are a wanted man

Not only in my dreams but in my bed

 

But remember I am a tall order

I want it all

I want soft and firm all in the right places

At all the right times

I want my knees to go weak and you to keep me from falling

 

I want simple and complicated

I want easy and difficult

I want tender and aggressive

I want you to decipher me

 

I want to be your challenge, your adventure, your passion, your nectar in the morning, noon and night

 

I want an honest touch from an honest man

I now know you exist, I didn’t just dream you up

I felt you pulsating, I felt your firmness

 

I wondered if you would be here in the morning

Signs of you are still here

The moist, the throbbing, it is all you

The wanting is still here

 

I want simple as a walk in the park

Yet you don’t walk you run

And your park is 3,000 miles away …

Ode to PMS

22 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Poetry

≈ 45 Comments

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I wake up and there is no spring in my step

Where is my smile

Where is my pep

Nothing seems worthwhile

Why this feeling of doom

The world seems so gloom

There is a dragon inside of me

Angry and breathing fire

Nothing in my mind seems to agree

This situation feels dire

I am enraged

I am sad

I am crazed

I can’t stand myself

Crying for no reason

Anything sets me off

I am not myself

Then, in an instant, I realize

And what a blessing it is to know

No more need to analyze

This soon will flow

This is just passing

And not long lasting

No need to despair

Just grin and bear

So welcome my friend

But don’t get too comfortable

Don’t even try to blend

This relationship has an end!

In another day or two or three

I will be free!!

Mom I am you!

13 Sunday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Poetry

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Mom

You annoy me sometimes

When I was 17 and you read my diary
I threw it out and it would be years until I wrote again

and every time that you don’t suggest
but tells me what to do
I shrink and feel like I am 5

You have annoyed me many times
and for many reasons

Still I must remember
that everything is done out of love
and from not knowing any better

You are the one I still want to impress
You are the one I want to talk to when I am not well
even though I will say everything is fine not to worry you
and everything is indeed better the moment I hear your voice

Your love is immense
Your compassion infinite
Your energy boundless
your talent unparalleled

You brave, corageous soul
You determined, righteous individual

You are in my corner
and inside my heart

Your suffering is my suffering
Your happines my happiness

‘I love you’ should just flow out of my mouth
and yet it doesn’t

So easy to say thank you
but how often do I say it?

You mean the world to me
and my world is you

and the most annoying thing about you
and the best thing about me

is:

I became you!

No to you and yes to me!

12 Saturday May 2012

Posted by in EX Files, Finding Me, Poetry

≈ 15 Comments

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It feels good saying no

and for the first time meaning it

not having even a second of doubt

 

Your invitation is insulting

it says nothing is changed

when nothing is the same

 

it feels good saying no

when just a week ago I would have said yes

It feels good saying no to you

and saying yes to me

 

when I said no to you, I said yes to:

Do I deserve honesty?

Do I deserve respect?

Do I deserve loyalty?

Do I value me?

Yes, yes, yes and yes

 

When I said no to you.

I said yes to me!!

Let me be

11 Friday May 2012

Posted by in EX Files, Poetry

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Please Let me be

Don’t call

Don’t text

Don’t e-mail

Don’t mention my name

Don’t think of me

 

Let me be

Let me do what I am doing

Let me take one day at a time

Let me pickup the pieces I am in

Let me try to be whole again

 

Right now the past still haunts

And the future is taking too long

Right now I cry and laugh

not knowing there is a difference

 

My soul still breaks

Hope tries to peek through

At the sight and thought of your name

My heart stubbornly thinks ‘what if’

 

But since you don’t want me

Please have pity on this old soul

If you don’t want me

Please let me be!

Confusion

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Poetry

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I confused what I wanted with what I needed

I confused control with attention

I confused manipulation with love

I confused narcissism with confidence

I confused appearance with content

I confused intelligence with arrogance

I confused illusions with facts

I confused a cold mind with a bleeding heart

I confused ephemeral with everlasting

I confused never again with maybe

I confused you with the one

May God Bless the Confused Soul!!