Disclaimer: I happen to be a woman that has relationships with men. So when I write I write from that view point. I know that some fellow bloggers will be tempted to point out to me that women can be users too. For the record: I understand and agree!
Are we ever smart enough not to be fooled by a man? Are we ever aware enough not to confuse lust with love?
My verdict? No, never! No one is immune to a charming man. No one is ever immune to the right words at the right time. No one is immune to physical chemistry, to that combination of want and need.
I know this woman, not really a friend, friend of a friend type of thing. This woman is light years ahead of us mere mortals, as someone once described her. She is a master at yoga, has read all the great books by great authors, has taken countless workshops, retreats, etc. She has dedicated her life to the pursuit of knowing herself, body and mind.
I would think she would be able to spot a poser, a fake, from miles away, wouldn’t you? Not only she didn’t, she fell for it, hook, line and sinker!!
She called him: “The best choice I ever made”. She wrote him notes proclaiming her love for him and “all his body parts”, thanking him for “amazing days together”. And she started making plans for the future.
Fast forward a couple of months and guess what? She realized she had been deceived! He is no longer her best choice, probably one of her worst. As for loving all his body parts, she probably now has different ideas of what to do with them.
Moral of the story? No one is immune! If this woman fell for it, what are my chances? If somebody so smart didn’t see the writing on the wall how can I, simple me, barely crawling on the road to self discovery have any chance?
I am not putting down this woman and all her knowledge, in fact I strive to have similar knowledge.
Perhaps because of the knowledge she has of herself and others she was able to figure him out within months, not years. Some of us would be still there trying to make this relationship work. For some of us it would have taken years of delusion, deception, pain and suffering.
I am really trying to be open to, not only to new romantic relationships, but to new friendships and new adventures, to the joy of having new people come into my life; but I am also trying to protect myself from needless pain. So I have to have my guard up, and at the same time not let the fear of getting hurt cripple me. It is a balance oftentimes hard to achieve.
I hope I will be able to pay more attention to the actions and not only to the words. I hope I will not be blinded by appearances, and instead see the core. As far as lust and love I am still trying to figure those out. How do I distinguish between those two? Those are two equally great feeling in their own right.
This is what I have been doing in an effort to minimize my exposure to some of the men out there that don’t have the best intentions:
1) I pray! No shame in asking for help from above (or within). I believe in the power of prayer. So I pray to God to put good people in my path. I pray that when I encounter people not so great (we need them to learn and grow) that I can learn the lesson quickly and move on.
2) I try to be the best person I can be! I believe what I send out in the Universe comes back to me twofold, so if I am good, honest, generous, fun, etc, people that are similar and hold similar values will gravitate towards me. I am becoming the person that I would like to hang out with.
3) I am treating myself kindly! I am being extra nice to myself. I am buying myself flowers, treating myself to nice dinners. I am allowing myself to take naps. When I make a mistake I don’t get mad with myself, I forgive myself quickly and move on. I am paying attention to myself. I am romancing myself. That way I am not so needy and starved for attention that I will fall for anyone just because they are showing me attention and being caring.
4) I am enjoying being single! I am having fun. Looking for a partner is no longer a priority. When and if he comes I will welcome him with open arms and we will have fun together, but in the meantime I am enjoying myself. Being single and free has its perks. No one to explain or justify anything. I work each day on finding new joys in single-hood.
Are you able to pick the good ones from the bad ones? Are you able to distinguish between love and lust?