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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Category Archives: Fiction

No fact, just my fertile imagination at work!

Many ways to break your neck, I mean, to be adventurous

06 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Fiction

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

being adventurous, bike, cautiously adventurous, e-scooters, embracing life and fear, motorcycle, risking life and limb, safe adventurer, share bikes, skiing

“I didn’t want my life to be an occasional adventure. I wanted adventure to be  my life.” ― Jean-Philippe Soulé, I, Tarzan: Against All Odds

The other day a friend teased me when I said I was afraid to ride one of those e-scooters.  He said: You?  Really?  Aren’t you Miss Adventure?

I always considered myself adventurous, but what have I been doing lately that qualifies as adventurous? Just calling myself adventurous doesn’t make me adventurous.

There are over 200 e-scooters and 30 bikes available around downtown New Rochelle.  They seem fun and dangerous at the same time.  I toy with the idea of trying the scooter above out. 

Perhaps on a grassy field with no people or cars around.  Visions of attempting to rollerblade come to mind.  I didn’t do any better with piloting a motorcycle. I broke the mirror on my sister’s bike on the first try.

“Adventures are all very well in their place, but there’s a lot to be said for regular meals and freedom from pain.” ― Neil Gaiman, Stardust

Do I have to risk injury to prove I am adventurous, or perhaps I should just quit portraying myself as such?

Perhaps I can just be adventurous in mind and not in action. In my mind I am everything.

As far as the bike above, I am not afraid of it.  I just haven’t rode one in several years.  I figure one of theses days I will be riding one. It should be easy, after all, it is just like riding a bike 🙂

Or perhaps I should be afraid of it.  I still remember the last time I was on one.  It was right in downtown New Rochelle, and I think I was riding on the wrong side of the street or something like that.  A man stuck his head out of his van and yelled: “Lady, you are going to kill yourself”.

“Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you’re made of.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I rode home and was never on a bike again. I am not sure if he was the reason or if I just didn’t have a chance to ride again.

Can I just walk and be adventurous, or do I have to risk life and limb? I already risk myself skiing. 

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Why is it so important to me to be adventurous, or to see myself as adventurous?  I guess I equate “being adventurous” as “fully enjoying life” and “living with gusto”. 

I fully embrace the idea that we have to do things we fear to be able to grow.   Perhaps that is the reason that I hang on to skiing.  To feel adventurous. And to also feel young and powerful.

I fear being stuck, and not growing. One of the worst sins for me would be to one day look back in my life, and realize that I wasted my life for fear. Fear of trying, fear of getting hurt, fear of making a fool of myself, etc.

With all that being said: No, I am not trying that e-scooter any time soon.  And yes, I am going to continue to call myself adventurous. 

Hi, I am Ana and I am adventurous, and yet cautious. 

“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

 

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The prelude to the Unmasking of Mr. Stock

10 Friday Sep 2021

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Fiction

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

anonymous friends, finally meeting, getting used to disfunction, masked and unmasked, online dating, plenty of fish

Disclaimer: I am writing this post in 2 parts due to lack of time, so please forgive me for that.

“If you wear a mask for too long, there will come a time when you can not remove it without removing your face.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo

It is hard to say exactly when I first started speaking to Mr. Stock (that is what I will call him here).  We met on the dating site Plenty of Fish.

At first he said he was not ready to meet anyone and was only there to make friends.  He sounded vague in his messages, but still, I started exchanging messages with him. Perhaps it was because I love making new friends, and also, I felt a certain compassion towards him.  He felt safe and harmless.

I detected some underlining pain. A pain, that according to him, he wasn’t ready to talk about, but that, slowly, revealed bits and pieces of it.  Much later I learned that he was dealing with the long illness and, eventual passing of his wife.  He hinted at also having some social anxieties and not being comfortable in crowds. I am not sure if the anxiety came about from the grief or was already an issue prior to that.

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I am not sure what we talked about at that point.  Perhaps the weather.  I do remember, at times, being annoyed that we would never meet. We are only 30 minutes apart, so I didn’t understand why we couldn’t meet as friends. At times I would stop replying to him, but would give in and reply anytime he reached out.

Eventually I got off of POF, and gave him my number.  We would say hello every couple of months or so. We would have disagreements. I don’t deal well with negativism, and sometimes he was in that mode.  His unwillingness to see the beauty in life annoyed me.  My optimism was too much for him.

Still, we would always check in with each other.  He would talk about meeting every now and then, saying that he was going to try.  But after so many times I just never believed it would happen.  I had made peace with being phone/text friends.

Months, years passed.

One day I asked him a question about stocks, since he is an investor.  He loves talking about stocks.  From that day on, we speak and text more often.  He would often talk about meeting and teaching me about stocks in person.

Every time he would say something about meeting, I would think about The Boy Who Cried Wolf.  I never thought we would meet, and honestly, by now, I didn’t care.

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” ― Khalil Gibran

A couple of weeks ago, he mentioned he was on vacation and then texted: “Just make sure we go to dinner while I’m on vacation”

That text infuriated me. I let him know how mad I was.  To me it implied I had control about meeting or not. Also, it implied we had never met before because of work. It also felt that “meeting”, was always a carrot that was being dangled in front of me.  I don’t like carrots!

We talked it out, and he said it was miscommunication and he would try to meet.  In his mind he had decided to meet months ago but had been too busy with work.

Last Saturday at 7pm he asked if I wanted to meet for dinner or something.  First, I was surprised and second, I was annoyed.  After so long, you don’t just ask me out last minute like that.  I said that I was not free, but said I was available the following day. He said he was not sure about the next day because of the Jewish holiday. I said ok, and I meant okay.

On Sunday,  at 11am he wrote to see if I wanted to go out for dinner, drinks or anything else that evening.  I agreed to dinner and asked him to pick a place in my area.

I thought he would cancel it. I was willing to bet that it wouldn’t happen.  I was ready to get the cancelation phone call.

But it did!

to be continued…

“Masquerades disclose the reality of souls. As long as no one sees who we are, we can tell the most intimate details of our life. I sometimes muse over this sketch of a story about a man afflicted by one of those personal tragedies born of extreme shyness who one day, while wearing a mask I don’t know where, told another mask all the most personal, most secret, most unthinkable things that could be told about his tragic and serene life. And since no outward detail would give him away, he having disguised even his voice, and since he didn’t take careful note of whoever had listened to him, he could enjoy the ample sensation of knowing that somewhere in the world there was someone who knew him as not even his closest and finest friend did. When he walked down the street he would ask himself if this person, or that one, or that person over there might not be the one to whom he’d once, wearing a mask, told his most private life. Thus would be born in him a new interest in each person, since each person might be his only, unknown confidant.” ― Fernando Pessoa

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Back to my waiting life!

27 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Fiction

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

Brazil, family, love, Masai Tribe, ONU, relationship, self awareness, sister, Tanzania, vacation

“Old places fire the internal weather of our pasts. The mild winds, aching calms, and hard storms of forgotten emotions return to us when we return to the spots where they happened.” ― Siri Hustvedt, The Sorrows of an American

I returned from Brazil 2 days ago.  In some instances it feels I have never left the US, in others it feels like I was away for years.  I am blessed to be a citizen of two countries, but at times I feel I belong in neither. I love taking time away and being with my family but I am happy to return as I cannot stay away from my routine for too long.   Is it the fear that things will fall apart in my absence? Or perhaps the opposite, the realization that all progresses very well in my absence?  I think it is a matter of being a control freak. I always come back renewed and hungry to improve in all areas of my life. I got use this momentum to get moving in the things I want to accomplish.

“Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru

A couple of highlights from last week: I met very interesting people at the airport.  (I will talk to anyone that makes eye contact 🙂 ) I met a young entrepreneur from Liechtenstein building a business that empowers women affected by human trafficking.  I will write more about him and his business as I learn more.  He introduced me to 2 women and a man from the Masai tribe in Tanzania.  They all had come to attend events celebrating The International Women’s Day at the United Nations in NY.  The 2 women spoke no English other than a couple of words.  The language barrier was replaced with smiles.  Later I was able to get M. (also from Tanzania and attending the event, but not from the tribe) to translate.  The two women from the tribe were shocked to find out I was not married and have no kids. One commented that I must have turned down many marriage offers.   G., one of the women said that she is sure God will send me a child as she made some gestures towards the sky.  I joked that I need a husband first.  It seems I am an anomaly in any culture or anywhere in the world.  Be it in the US or Tanzania, to be in my late 40s, never married and have no kids is shocking!

“Each person you meet is an aspect of yourself, clamoring for love.”  ― Eric Micha’el Leventhal

Meeting them was awesome for so many reasons! It renews my love of different cultures and this dream of travelling the word.  They were eager to invite me to visit them.  In that way they are like Brazilians; our doors are always open to new friends.  This chance encounter also reignited my volunteer flame. To me education for all girls, actually boys too, as well as men and women, especially in impoverished countries, is the key to a better future for all.  Knowledge brings empowerment. I have to find a way to do my part.

“To Whom Much is Given, Much is Expected” ― Luke 12:48

Being with my family is always a blast! We don’t always agree on everything, but whatever disagreements we have are normally out of too much love.   We eat, we laugh, we eat some more.  Who knew just one week could do so much damage to my waistline?  It is great to see that mom and dad are doing well! Dad has completely won his cancer battle! My brother and sister are thriving professionally with great plans towards the future.  To me happy people make plans.  Any time someone has plans to look forward to it, it shows their hope for the future.  Hope is the best thing a person can have, I cannot ask for anything else for them. My dad was always a homebody, which only got worse after he amputated his right leg, so it is great to see him getting out a bit more.  Lately, whenever I am in Brazil he agrees to spend one afternoon at the pool house and also to go to brunch at a winery.

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.”  ― Carol Saline

One low moment,  realizing that my sister and I get along better from a distance.  On the phone we rarely have disagreements, in person we get so critical and so defensive that at times we were unable to have a conversation.  I guess it has to do with expecting the best from each other, knowing what our potentials are and expecting more.   I am sure being identical twins contribute to that.  Anything I said seemed to spark defensiveness. Perhaps I should not call this a low moment but a huge opportunity.  An opportunity for more communication, more acceptance, more love and more self-awareness and self-reflection.  I need to look in the mirror, as I am sure that which I find fault in her is what I am guilt of. The best thing is feeling loved and well received and that is clear to see from all of them!  I am blessed with a great family!

“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” – Steve Maraboli 

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WANTED MAN!

14 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Fiction, Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

love, lust, relationships, sex, wanting

 

You are a wanted man!

How does it feel?

Is this just a flash in the pan?

Or is it real?

 

Your arrival was sudden

No announcement

No fanfare

You became a “what if”

Are you feeling what I am feeling?

 

You take a chance and make the first move

I take it from there and lead you straight into my all

I think you didn’t expect, yet you welcomed

 

You are a wanted man!

I want you and I am not shy

Take it easy, use you head

Those will be the warnings that we will hear

 

Do we dare to go ahead and defy all odds?

Or do we step back and use reason?

 

I want to have yesterday all over again

I want to have yesterday every day

You tongue, your fingers, your words

your body knew how to dance to my music

 

You are a wanted man

Not only in my dreams but in my bed

 

But remember I am a tall order

I want it all

I want soft and firm all in the right places

At all the right times

I want my knees to go weak and you to keep me from falling

 

I want simple and complicated

I want easy and difficult

I want tender and aggressive

I want you to decipher me

 

I want to be your challenge, your adventure, your passion, your nectar in the morning, noon and night

 

I want an honest touch from an honest man

I now know you exist, I didn’t just dream you up

I felt you pulsating, I felt your firmness

 

I wondered if you would be here in the morning

Signs of you are still here

The moist, the throbbing, it is all you

The wanting is still here

 

I want simple as a walk in the park

Yet you don’t walk you run

And your park is 3,000 miles away …

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You

04 Friday May 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in EX Files, Fiction, Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

imagine, Love lost, met, missing, sleep, trying to forget

I imagine you

I met you

I dream you

I see you

I breath you

I wake up you

I go to sleep you

I eat you

I drink you

I walk you

I talk you

I think you

I love you

I lost you

I never had you

I miss you

I try to forget you

 

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