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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

~ As I navigate through this life …

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: missing

Update on my new friends

04 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blessed, Brazil, Friends, missing, nursing home, travel, volunteer

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” 
― Anaïs Nin

Milton. https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/milton-my-new-friend/  I haven’t seen him in awhile.  His birthday was September 30 and I was going to bring him a cupcake but again he was not in his usual spot.  They have repair going on that corner and I looked around to see if he had moved to another corner but couldn’t find him.

I am hoping that is a good sign.  He had been waiting on NY City to get him housing, so perhaps that means that they relocated him to some kind of housing.

*****

C, a resident from the Nursing home called me.  https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/09/11/when-the-right-thing-is-also-the-hardest-thing/

He has a hard time speaking, it takes effort and concentration for the words to come out and when they do is very low and hard to understand.  Even in person I have to keep asking him to repeat, so in the telephone was worse.

I tried my best to understand and I think we were able to get some things understood.  He misses me and wants me to call or visit.  I mentioned that I had sent him a card and he said he didn’t get it.

I hope the Nursing home is not holding on to the cards that I sent.  I bought Halloween cards to some of the residents I used to visit.  For convenience and because I didn’t have everyone’s last name I put it all in a FedEx envelope and sent them to D., the girl that works there and did the visits with em.  I can’t imagine her holding on to it and not handing out.

C.  has an appointment on November 11 with a throat doctor.  He said the doctor will inject Vitamin C on his vocal chords and he will be able to speak better.  I hope that all goes well with that.  It is so hard to watch him speaking.

I am going to see if the nursing home lets me visit him when I return from my trip.

*****

This feels a bit rushed as I am leaving in 5 minutes on my way to the airport. I am going to Brazil to see my family.  I am blessed, and even more blessed for knowing I am blessed! 

Thank you God, Thank you Universe! 🙂

“Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” 
― Charles Dickens

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See you soon, hopefully…, but just in case, here is a hug and I really love you!

11 Saturday May 2013

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

airport, good-bye, love, memories, missing, mother

Mom left last night.  After some begging Delta Airlines was kind enough to give me a gate pass so that I could be with her until she boarded.  It is a peace of mind for me to see her board and not be waiting for her phone call telling me that she found the right gate.  Since they often change gates, I am really not satisfied until she calls me from the airplane and tells me that she found her seat and all is well.  Well honestly I am only happy after she is talking to me from the comfort of her home, after arriving, collecting her bags, finding my brother and travelling the over 3 hours to our hometown.

I guess I am a bit controlling and a bit overprotective.  I guess there are worst things to be.

Her departure is filled with mixed feelings.  On one hand I am happy to return to my routine, on the other I am also sad to see her go for many reasons.  No more Mom’s great meals, shopping trips and watching Survivor together.  But her life is in Brazil with the rest of the family, and after almost 30 years living alone in the US I am used to good byes and solitude.

Being used to good byes doesn’t mean that sadness does not visit me.  There is that weird feeling of not knowing when I will see her again.  Is this the last good bye?

That happens every time I go through this dropping off at the airport routine at least twice a year.  It never fails that upon returning alone to my apartment I have feelings of not having done enough for her while she was here.  Was I too critical? was I caring?

Will I have a next chance to try harder next time?  I am brushing those feelings away.  I know I have done my best at each time and my best is enough.  Given the chance I will try again to improve on my last time.  With each time I try to be more tolerant and less picky. And I think I more succeed than fail.

I never have set plans to go to Brazil. I try to go twice a year or at least once, but it is uncertain.   The truth is none of us know when we will be seeing a loved one next.  They may not live in another country as in the case of my family or they may live with us or near us.  We may have plans, we may know what time they return from work, etc, but the truth is nothing is guaranteed.

The next minute is not a right, it is a gift!

Next time you say good bye to anyone, specially a loved one, imagine, for a second, that that is the last good bye.  Did you say everything you wanted to say? Does this person know how you feel about her/him?  How would you feel if you never saw them again?

Never miss an opportunity to say caring words and do nice things to the ones you love.  Actually never waste an opportunity to show you care period. Loved one, acquaintances or strangers, they all will appreciate a nice gesture.

With Mother’s Day around the corner remember to thank your mother for her love and for the gift of life.

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Miss “have it all together” is a complete mess!

15 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

broken heart, falling apart, feelings, love, missing, mistakes

… and today I fell apart …

Yesterday I was all high and mighty proclaiming to all that would listen (and read) that I was over Ex.

I had never felt more in control of my feelings and the situation. I was doing happy dances around  the apartment.

I felt so strong embracing life solo, hopeful and happy!  I have been living solo, but outings with AL made life seems less solo.

I felt powerful to be able to approach my relationship with AL in a levelheaded manner.  It felt amazing to be able to be friends with him and know that he feels exactly the same way.

And everything in my Universe felt absolutely right … until today…

I was feeling so strong that I decided to text Ex regarding an address of a mutual friend that is ill and I want to send a card.   I tried Google and I called this lady’s daughter for the address but since both attempts have been fruitless I decided that I was well enough to have a mature unemotional exchange with Ex.

There was not one specific word that set me off.  There was no reason for me to all of a sudden burst into tears in the middle of the work day and crave him so much!! Oh stupid fool, pull it together. So you thought he was the one, so you think that there will never be anyone like him, so what?  Move the heck on!!!!

It will be almost 2 years soon, shouldn’t it be over?   It has been several months since I had missed him and this freedom from wanting him was giving me such a high.

Life is indeed funny and unpredictable.   This teaches me that I should be more vigilant and make sure not to contact him for anything.

Some things we can never get over, we just have to manage it.  Perhaps I should deal with the reality that I will forever love him.  He is my drug that I cannot give into. I will be forever an Exholic!

I am sorry for letting down so many that thought that I had it all together. I tried, I am trying and tomorrow I am going to try again! I think what I owe everyone and, most importantly, myself is complete honesty! If I am following that then all else will eventually fall in place!

What I have all together is the fact that I want to be always 100% honest, even if I look foolish and flawed.

The best part is I am happy, happy, happy.  So I cried, big deal!  I am human and have feelings! Life is better with feeling than without them!!

Thank you heart for being so amazingly committed to someone! But please can you relax a little and give others a chance?

 

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Missing everything about you …

04 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 57 Comments

Tags

breakups, ex, love, missing, past, relationships

I wrote this months ago when, clearly,  I missed everything about Ex.

I don’t miss you, I miss the idea of you

I don’t miss your house, I miss playing house

I don’t miss our dinners together, I miss a table for two

I don’t miss the the tennis court, I miss a partner

I don’t miss your bed, I miss a warm body next to me at night

I don’t miss our time together, I miss the daily routine

I don’t miss your kisses, I miss a mouth touching mine

I don’t miss your voice, I miss being told the truth

I don’t miss your touch, I miss being touched

I don’t miss the vacations together, I miss escaping the day to day

I don’t miss you, I miss the fairy-tale, the infinite, the forever

I don’t miss anything about you, yet there is a hole so big and deep that sometimes threatens to swallow me

But in reflecting about this I realize there is one thing I miss. The one thing about you that is pure and honest:  I miss your dog! I miss those big black eyes begging me for a treat!

and this last image is just because it made me laugh:

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Feeling the love!

28 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in AWARDS, Daily Life

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

awards, dog, humor, love, missing, pets, Recognition, St Francis of Assisi

What does the above picture have to do with feeling the love? Everything! If you have or ever had a pet you know that there is no purer love than that of an animal.  C., the above dog, made me feel loved on daily basis for 3 years.  In my heart I still feel his love, even though apart.  I miss him terribly and I still cannot make popcorn without crying.  I picture him standing by the stove waiting for his share.

To all the things, creatures, people we love and cannot have near us I take a moment and say a silent prayer.  I ask God to bless and watch over them.  For C. I say an extra prayer to St. Francis of Assisi.

Moving on to another thing that makes me feel loved: YOU

Your reading my posts pushed me along at times I wanted to quit.  Your comments have allowed me to reflect upon my own words and question myself.  You have added details I missed and you have offered another point of view.  You have humored me with humor.  And even when one of you had a mean comment, it served me to realize that I am not the only one hurting and capable of causing hurt with my words.  When you complimented me you humbled me.  When my words made sense to you my heart sang.

Perhaps unbeknownst to you, you have been a friend at a time I needed the most. For that I thank you, not only from my heart but from my whole being, body and soul!

THANK YOU READER FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!

Now as far as awards, I have been, ummm, what is the word? lazy? thoughtless? inconsiderate? rude? etc, etc, but anwyay, no matter what word is chosen the fact is that I have not properly acknowledged and thanked the bloggers that have, over the past couple of months, nominated and mentioned me.

This carelessness should not, in any way, imply a lack of happiness and gratitude!  I am overwhelmed by the recognition!  So until I have a chance to work on each single Award, I want to take this time to thank the blogs that have nominated me.  They are all great in their own right.  They are as diverse as the day is long.  I suggest you visit them all and see what they are all about!

YOU ALL BROUGHT A SONG TO MY HEART:

http://truthletsandthoughtbits.wordpress.com

http://paulaacton.wordpress.com

http://mylifeuncutalmost.wordpress.com

http://thetopleftkey.wordpress.com

http://stickynotesandquotes.wordpress.com

http://abetteryeartoabetterlife.com ; http://secretworldofs.wordpress.com

http://ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com

http://liferevelation.wordpress.com

http://greatgreths.wordpress.com ; http://angelswhisper2011.wordpress.com/

http://sosassyandsingle.com

http://discoveranddevour.com

http://pczick.wordpress.com

http://musingsoftheamusingmuse.com/

http://onlinedatingjournal.wordpress.com

(If I have left out any blog that has nominated me I am sorry! Please let me know so I can thank you and add you to this list)

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You

04 Friday May 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in EX Files, Fiction, Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

imagine, Love lost, met, missing, sleep, trying to forget

I imagine you

I met you

I dream you

I see you

I breath you

I wake up you

I go to sleep you

I eat you

I drink you

I walk you

I talk you

I think you

I love you

I lost you

I never had you

I miss you

I try to forget you

 

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New Rochelle Building boom! Progress or illusion?
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Another beautiful day in New Rochelle!
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Brunch at a friend's house in a beautiful setting. Ossining, NY
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