Mom left last night. After some begging Delta Airlines was kind enough to give me a gate pass so that I could be with her until she boarded. It is a peace of mind for me to see her board and not be waiting for her phone call telling me that she found the right gate. Since they often change gates, I am really not satisfied until she calls me from the airplane and tells me that she found her seat and all is well. Well honestly I am only happy after she is talking to me from the comfort of her home, after arriving, collecting her bags, finding my brother and travelling the over 3 hours to our hometown.
I guess I am a bit controlling and a bit overprotective. I guess there are worst things to be.
Her departure is filled with mixed feelings. On one hand I am happy to return to my routine, on the other I am also sad to see her go for many reasons. No more Mom’s great meals, shopping trips and watching Survivor together. But her life is in Brazil with the rest of the family, and after almost 30 years living alone in the US I am used to good byes and solitude.
Being used to good byes doesn’t mean that sadness does not visit me. There is that weird feeling of not knowing when I will see her again. Is this the last good bye?
That happens every time I go through this dropping off at the airport routine at least twice a year. It never fails that upon returning alone to my apartment I have feelings of not having done enough for her while she was here. Was I too critical? was I caring?
Will I have a next chance to try harder next time? I am brushing those feelings away. I know I have done my best at each time and my best is enough. Given the chance I will try again to improve on my last time. With each time I try to be more tolerant and less picky. And I think I more succeed than fail.
I never have set plans to go to Brazil. I try to go twice a year or at least once, but it is uncertain. The truth is none of us know when we will be seeing a loved one next. They may not live in another country as in the case of my family or they may live with us or near us. We may have plans, we may know what time they return from work, etc, but the truth is nothing is guaranteed.
The next minute is not a right, it is a gift!
Next time you say good bye to anyone, specially a loved one, imagine, for a second, that that is the last good bye. Did you say everything you wanted to say? Does this person know how you feel about her/him? How would you feel if you never saw them again?
Never miss an opportunity to say caring words and do nice things to the ones you love. Actually never waste an opportunity to show you care period. Loved one, acquaintances or strangers, they all will appreciate a nice gesture.
With Mother’s Day around the corner remember to thank your mother for her love and for the gift of life.