Category Archives: Finding Me

Anything related to the discovery of the inner me

Cautiously optimistic about a 3rd day in the horizon

22 Monday Nov 2021

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“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”
― Margaret Mitchell

Update: Well, not much of an update, but the potential love story with the funeral home owner is dead.  He still sends a hello every now and then.  He asks about my schedule for a second date, but fails to make plans.

I don’t like that.  I no longer have an interest in him.  Anyone that is interested will make plans or tell me why they can’t.

***

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes

Second Date with A. IT guy

Date: Saturday, November 20th, 6:30 pm

Location: Tapas and Cusina Restaurant, in Eastchester, NY

Drinks: He had 2 glasses of red wine and I had 2 glasses of passion mimosa (passion fruit juice with champagne)

Food: We chose a bunch of small plates: eggplant rollatini, meatball marinara, fried potatoes with garlic mayonnaise (the best!!), croquettes, fried sardines with salad, pulled pork and beef with polenta. 

Dessert: Limoncello cake.  Turns out he doesn’t care for that much lemon 🙂

We arrived in the parking lot at the same time, and from there we walked to the restaurant. It was a charming small restaurant. We waited 5 minutes while they arranged a table for us.  

We ordered some small plates as I described above.  I thought it would be more fun to share food rather than to get our own entrées.  Plus, I always have food envy.  I always think that the person I am with ordered better than I did.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

I had a great time, and I think he did too. It was even better then the first date. Plenty of conversation and laughter.

He remembers every single word that comes out of my mouth.  He remembered details that I mentioned in passing about my childhood. Perhaps I am impressed because I don’t remember anything that people say to me.  I find myself asking the same question 2 or 3 times (I know, embarrassing! I need to do better)

When the coffee he ordered came, before the dessert, he handed me his coffee spoon. When I looked at him quizzically he said: You don’t like to eat your dessert with big spoons so take this one just in case they only bring a big spoon.

Little details like this melts me.  He remembered that from the first date. They did bring huge spoons with the dessert and I happily had my little spoon.  

We talked a lot about so many different things.  On the first date I felt I only talked about myself, so on this date, I enjoyed getting to know more about him, his sons, his work, etc. 

There were so many little instances of magic and joy. There were moments that I wish I could bottle that feeling, that look.   There were also plenty of moments that I wish I hadn’t talked too much, that I had not revealed exactly what I was thinking.   He did mention that I don’t have to filter or edit myself.  Unedited Ana can be a handful, too much, too in your face, too impulsive, too impatience.

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ― Shel Silverstein

On the date he mentioned wanting to see me again.  He also mentioned he likes to take things slow. He is not much into daily texting and such.  That is a needed adjustment for me. I am used to believing if I don’t hear from someone daily, then they are not interested.  And that is not necessarily the case, specially at this early in the game.

I feel that meeting someone that wants to take things slow is a good thing for me.  It is the Universe forcing me to face the fact that I need to slow down in everything.  Things are not on my timing.  I don’t need to hurry anything, because they will either happen or not, in the right time.  The divine time, as I like to call.

At the end of the date, we walked to our cars that were parked next to each other. As I stood there on the sidewalk next to my car to say good bye, he stepped back on the street saying that that way we would be at eye level.  I laughed and said he was calling me shorty.  He is 6’1 and I am 5’4.

There were a few kisses 🙂

When I got home he texted me at the same time I was texting him.  We will be making plans after the holiday, as I am going away today for a little road trip to CT, RI and MA.  

Just now he texted me to wish a good trip and happy Thanksgiving. We shall see.

And on the note, I wish you guys a wonderful Thanksgiving.  May it be with family and friends,  and have lots of food and fun!  May you have a lot to be grateful for.  

I am so grateful for having this blog and meeting so many amazing people.  You enrich my life in so many beautiful ways. Forever thankful! ♥♥

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.
” Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.”
― Alexandre Dumas

 

Be like a gardener to those around: Give them attention and be patient, and they will blossom

19 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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I am so in love with my plants at the office.  Perhaps I have a green thumb like my mom.

I always wanted to have an office with plants, but I had no motivation to have them before.  We had too many people, with too many opinions. 

Now the opinionated ones are working from home, and don’t want to return to the office.  Thank Heavens! I couldn’t be happier.

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” ― John Muir

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

“There’s something satisfying about getting your hands in the soil.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Vocation of a Gadfly

“The planting of a tree, especially one of the long-living hardwood trees, is a gift which you can make to posterity at almost no cost and with almost no trouble, and if the tree takes root it will far outlive the visible effect of any of your other actions, good or evil.” ― George Orwell

“What’s growing around you is what you planted. Therefore, if you don’t like the plants, change the seeds.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

 

“A thing which I regret, and which I will try to remedy some time, is that I have never in my life planted a walnut. Nobody does plant them nowadays—when you see a walnut it is almost invariably an old tree. If you plant a walnut you are planting it for your grandchildren, and who cares a damn for his grandchildren?” ― George Orwell

Two dates in two days : a nay and a yea!

16 Tuesday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“When you have butterflies and you’re feeling anxious and you have anxiety or are nervous, that’s when you’re most powerful… A lot of people, instead of honing this power and using it, they allow it to just consume them. There’s another quote that says, ‘A big challenge, a big pressure is like a fire, it’s like a raging fire. Either you can allow this fire to consume you and just take you over completely, or you can gain control of this fire and harness it and you blow it right at your opponent, Dragonball Z style.’ That’s what I’m trying to do, trying to get my emotions under control and use this adrenaline to my advantage.” ― Jon Jones

Flower I received from the lunch date

Saturday Lunch Date

Date: October 13, 2021, 1pm

Location: Sedona Taphouse, Mamaroneck, NY

Date: 60yr old accountant

Family Situation: Single, no kids

Food/Drink: I had salad, fish tacos and sweet potato fries.  He had a chicken Alfredo pasta.  For dessert we shared the brownie with ice cream in the picture below. We both had club soda, and coffee for dessert.

When I got there he was waiting by the door with the beautiful white rose from the picture above.  We hugged hello.  I hug everyone.

He was a nice guy, but that was it.  He was a gentleman, but there were no sparks.  In person he seemed older.  He was also very nervous.  Still we had a good time. 

It seemed we mostly talked about the weather and other mindless topics.  There was anything that stood out in the conversation.

I never pay on first dates, but for some reason I felt like paying half this time, and he was okay with that.

After the date I messaged him and told him that I was open to being friends, but no chance of romance.  He seemed surprised and disappointed.

“Pray don’t talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous.” ― Oscar Wilde

 

Dessert always

Sunday Drink Date

Date: October 14, 2021, 6:30pm

Location: Lilly’s, White Plains, NY

Date: 55 yr old teacher/IT

Family Situation: Divorced, with two grown kids.

Food/Drinks: I had 2 glasses of prosecco and he had 2 glasses of red wine.  I had already had dinner, but we shared a couple of appetizers. The grilled sirloin and the fish tacos were delicious. We also shared a gluten free brownie with ice cream.  Yes, I love fish tacos and brownies! 🙂 

He was already seated when I got there.  I surprised him by entering from the back of the restaurant.  I said something that made him laugh.  I don’t remember what it was.  We hugged hello. 

The conversation and laughter just flowed.  Apparently I can be quite funny!  He laughed so much.  Or perhaps it was nervous laughter. He did say he was nervous about the first date.  He asked a lot questions about myself.   

At the end, he walked me to my car.  There was a funny moment.   I saw he was coming towards my lips and I guess I made a face or balked, because he said: “I am coming in for a kiss, unless you don’t want me to”.  I said: “I was hoping you would”. 

It was a quick kiss while we were both laughing.  The date started and ended in laughter.  It was somewhat different than I expected.  For some reason I was expecting, serious, cerebral conversation, focusing on self growth and spiritual matters.  Instead, it was mostly laid back fun, peppered with some of our life history.

After the date, while texting, we both agreed that we would need a do over on that quick awkward good bye kiss.  He is traveling at this moment, but asked me out for dinner on Saturday.  I happily said yes.  

“I think it’s glorious to be nervous. Being nervous is great! How often do we get nervous on a daily basis? Being slightly nervous means you care, and you’re alive, and you’re taking some kind of risk. Hooray for being nervous! A friend told me to substitute the word ‘excitement’ for ‘nervous’. That way you acknowledge the physical feelings without putting a negative spin on things. So to answer your question, sometimes I still get so excited about ‘Update’ that I want to throw up” – Amy Poehler

 

Accepting, being grateful and moving on to a date with a new guy :-)

10 Wednesday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Before I get to my date report I need to admit that I am still annoyed and disappointed about D.’s silence. Yet, I am not surprised.  Somehow I knew it the moment he canceled it.  As the hours passes and the silence increases it is just a confirmation that silence is his way of saying he changed his mind.  

I know we only had 2 dates, but it all about the sparks, the conversation, it was all about the huge potential.  I also knew that I was already seeing some potential issues. I worried about the difficult daughter.  I worried about the weird multiple jobs.

“Things change, so I have to change too.”
― Adam Scythe, Immortals, Vol. III.

I don’t like how he has chosen to do it, but I must accept.  I will never understand ghosting someone.  Why not send a quick text and say:  “ I changed my mind”.

Still, I remind myself of the agreement I have with my Guardian Angels.  They are allowed to take anyone and anything from my life that it is not and will not be good for me.  No questions asked.  It doesn’t need to make sense.

So, the situation with D.  doesn’t make sense to me, but if am to look back at my blog, there were many others unexplained disappearing acts. I am accepting it, thanking my guardian angels and moving on to the next.  There is always a next!

“It poured with rain the day I left. But I was filled with excitement, a strange exuberant sense of taking wing. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew what I needed. I needed a new land, a new race, a new language; and although I couldn’t have put it into words then, I needed a new mystery.” ― John Fowles, The Magus

Moving on to the date.

We met at 6:30pm at Sergio’s Restaurant in Pelham, NY.  It is a very beautiful and classy restaurant.  I was surprised that it was such a busy place on a Monday night.

I got there and he was already seated.  He got up and came to meet me.  We hugged hello.  He was handsome and looked like his pictures.  He had a white shirt and tie.  He wears one for work, but he mentioned he likes to dress well.

The conversation flowed.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He said I was beautiful two times.  I love compliments, but if it is too much, it makes me want to run.  I am glad he stopped at two.

To drink, he had an old fashioned and I had a cosmopolitan. My drink was delicious.  If I were not driving, I would have had a second one.

We didn’t want appetizers, and we both ordered the short ribs with risotto.  For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a napoleon, and they were both divine.

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”  ― Mae West, Wit & Wisdom of Mae West

He is 52 years old and owns a funeral home. He has an amazing relationship with his 3 daughters.  Two are living on their own and a 14-year-old lives with him. He has been divorced for 8 years and gets along well with the ex-wife. 

We were at the restaurant for 3 hours.  At the end he walked me to my car, and I gave him a ride to his car around the corner.  When he was exiting my car he kissed me good bye. Then turned back and kissed me again.  It was just a couple of pecks on the lips.  

I am not sure if there are enough sparks. He is such a sweet person, such a gentleman, that I think it is worth a second date.  I am keeping an open mind.

“One can begin so many things with a new person! – even begin to be a better man.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

 

There we go again :-)

08 Monday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“I might not yet be falling in love, but I might be flirting with the promise of love, the idea of love, the making of a place in my heart for love, though it may have been more a wish than a promise.”  ― Diane Meier, The Season of Second Chances

I have yet to see D. for a third date.  After the two successful dates, it is proving difficult for him to find the time to meet up.

He wanted to meet one day last week for lunch. I had deadlines at work and couldn’t leave.  I also don’t really like meeting up for lunch during the week.  I feel rushed having to go back to the office. 

Then on Friday night he asked me out for a late breakfast the following day.  It was last minute, but as faith would have my mosaic time at the studio had been canceled. So it seemed perfect.

We agreed on time.  He would pick me up and we would drive to a neighboring town.

Then Saturday morning this:

I was a little disappointed about the cancelation, and the fact that he has not contacted me again.  Last night I sent a quick hi, but heard nothing back.

I know he has been busier than usual with some issues. His ex-father in law passed away, and he had to provide support. I also know that his 17 year old daughter has issues, so he tries to really be there for her.  I understand and appreciate that.

BUT,

To me it is very simple. If he is not making more of an effort to see me then he is probably not that interested. 

He had mentioned that he has been divorced for 4 years and that he has waited until now to date because of his daughters.  Now the oldest one is in college and the 17 year old is soon to be off to college also.  Perhaps he should have waited another 6 months longer. 

I know it is very early to make this conclusion but I will not be surprised if I never hear from him again.  This is the nature of online dating.  People change their minds, and find it easier to just go silent.  

We bet on a game last week and I lost, so I owe him dinner. Perhaps he will want to collect.

It is disappointing because he seemed to be into me, as much as I was into him. We are both Aries, but I seem to be the more impatient of the two.  

If he can’t find the time for a third date, how could we ever make a relationship work?  I don’t want a partner that I will see once every other week.

While I am still trying to live in, and enjoy, the moment and have no expectations, I still want to feel important in somebody’s life.  Yes, even after only 2 dates!

**

“A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

and we keep going 🙂

Tonight I will be going on a date with a 52 year old, owner of a funeral home. I have met him on Bumble at the same time I met D., but I had not put much effort in meeting him until now. 

He seems like a nice guy.  He is divorced with 3 daughters.  The youngest is 14 years old.  I don’t know a lot about him.  I know he loves a couple of sports teams and travels around to see them play often. 

We shall see… I will report back tomorrow.

“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

 

 

Dates updates: Easy does it

27 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

There is not a lot to update you guys on.  Of the 3 guys that I was set to meet, D. is the only one that I was really excited about meeting and the only one I met so far.   

One of the guys canceled on me once, then I had to cancel on him.  We will eventually meet.  I am just not sure he is ready to date.  He is not yet fully divorced.  He has 3 little kids under the age of 5.  He seems to have a lot on his plate.  He does seem very nice and with an interesting background. I am willing to meet as friends.

The other one, we keep having scheduling conflicts. My heart is not really into it to make more of an effort.  I think his heart is not into it either. So we message every now and then, and is feeling more and more like a friendship.  I think we will become friends, and meet one of these days.

“So we won’t take ourselves too seriously. Because taking something serious doesn’t make it go away any faster. In fact, it keeps making it a little bit worse.” ― Ram Dass, Experiments in Truth

As far as D, we went on a second date on Saturday night.  We went to a small brewery called Diner Brew Co. near my apartment. We met late as he is committed to working late Saturdays for the next few months. 

I had a couple of rose wines and he had a couple beers. I was not hungry, as I had had dinner, but towards the end of the date I saw the free popcorn, and couldn’t stop eating it.  

Similar to the first date we had a great time. It was easy, fun, nothing bad or awkward about it.  Again it was all about enjoying ourselves.  We  laughed and joked the whole time.  We found out a little more about each other, but not too much.

I am really holding back on all the questioning and also volunteering of information.  We have time.  I don’t need to know everything about him right now, and he doesn’t need to know everything about me right now.  

I am not exactly sure why I am choosing to go about it this way.  I think that I normally ask many questions to try to find reasons to run.  

“And somebody might now want to ask me, “Can’t you ever be serious?” The answer is, “No.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Armageddon in Retrospect: And Other New and Unpublished Writings on War and Peace

I don’t want the heaviness and burden that I feel when I know everything about someone.  It is as if I need to make a decision right away if he belongs in my future or not.  At this point I don’t feel like making final decisions.  

After leaving the brewery,  he walked me to my door.  There was some kissing goodbye, but nothing too much or embarrassing.

Since the second date we have either texted or talked most days.  I am not sure we will see each other this week, but I am sure we will see each other again.

I like this idea of going slow, and not have to talk/text every day and see each other often.  I like the slow and steady route, instead of crash and burn alternative. 🙂

“I like to prowl ordinary places.
I feel sorry for us all or glad for us
all
caught alive together
and awkward in that way.

there’s nothing better than the joke
of us
the seriousness of us
the dullness of us”
― Charles Bukowski, Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit

The Power of Consistency

22 Friday Oct 2021

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“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently” ― Tony Robbins

Today marks the 100th day that I started using Duolingo to learn French.  

Throughout the years I have attempted to learn French, but I never really stuck to it.  I have mentioned it several times, but only to let it fall by wayside.  So, 100 straight days feels amazing.

After 100 days I know over 1300 words. I am able to read and write a lot.  My pronunciation is terrible, but I am not discouraged.   It took me a long time to be comfortable and not self-conscious speaking English, so I know that it will take time and effort, but it will come.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” ― Tony Robbins

The fact that Duolingo keeps track of the days and let’s me know every time I complete a lesson, made it like a game.  How many straight days can I get?

I realize that being consistent is key to success to everything in life.  Now, even if it is just 5 minutes, I don’t go to sleep if I don’t login and do at least 1 French lesson.

It may be silly but the number 100 makes me feel powerful. What makes it important is that it is straight, every day with no days off.  It is the build up of one day at a time. It is the result of not leaving it for tomorrow, but doing it today, even if for only a few minutes.

Now, if I can only take this surge of energy and feeling of invincibility and let it flow over other areas of my life.  What else can I improve on, by dedicating just a few minutes a day? Everything!

Perhaps I van be more consistent here.  🙂

Wishing everything a weekend blessed with progress! ♥♥

“I can tell you the secret to happiness in one word: progress.” ― Tony Robbins

 

My instincts were right: The first Bumble date was a hit

21 Thursday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” ― Anais Nin

We met at 7:30 at Gigante Restaurant in Eastchester, NY

Before I actually met him there were a couple of hiccups.

First, as I got to the door of the restaurant, a gray-haired man came and opened the door.  I thought he was my date, but I wasn’t sure because of the gray hair.   The guy I was hoping to meet had dark hair in his pictures.  We exchanged greetings, then he asked: “Do you want to fix your hair?”

When I looked at him quizzically, he added: “Do you want to go to the ladies’ room?”

I said: “I guess I need to fix my hair.”

He said: “It looks fine to me.”

After going to the ladies’ room to check on my hair and making sure my hair was fine, I was met in the lobby by the same man and now he had the hostess with him.

I said I was meeting someone, and the hostess said: “Oh yes, there is someone waiting by the bar.”

“Hope is a waking dream.” ― Aristotle

As I am walking towards the bar they were both walking with me.   In front of the bar there are some couches.  The man pointed to a guy sitting on the couch and asks me: “Is this him?  I said: “I don’t know I never met him before.”

I could only see the back of the guy’s head, and he had dark hair so I thought it could be him.  I go around the couch and with a big smile I say hi. The man looked up at me and just stared.

At the same time, I hear my name from the other end of the bar.

I look over, and there is my date by the bar,  laughing.

I burst out laughing.  Everyone is laughing. I wanted to find a hole and just hide in it.

I went over and we hugged.  We both couldn’t stop laughing.

My date said: “That was cute.  I am glad that we got the awkward moment out of the way.”

The man with gray hair felt bad.  He offered to take us to the most romantic table he had.

I still don’t know who that gray-haired man was, perhaps the owner or manager, but he was definitely dressed to go on a date and not to work in a restaurant.

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..” ― Thoreau, Henry David

My date was well dressed. He had khakis, a nice dress shirt and a sports jacket.  I had a blue blouse, jeans and high heels.

The restaurant was beautiful. It was large, modern, beautifully decorated for Halloween with spider webs.  Sounds weird, but it worked.   The atmosphere and service were perfect.

He had a beer, and I had a the Gigante Spritz.  It was a cocktail made with raspberries, Pinot Grigio, Stoli Raspberry, St. Germaine and Prosecco Rose.  It was delicious.

For appetizer we had Crispy Chicken Parmesan Rolls.  It was a chicken egg roll and it was delicious.  For the entre, I had the Chicken Milanese.  I wasn’t going to have chicken again but the waitress mentioned being their best dish.  It was indeed delicious.  My date had the filet mignon and it was perfect.  He shared some with me.  For dessert I ordered a mango panna cota. I ordered it because of the coconut whipped cream and the berries.  I wouldn’t order it again.  But it was so pretty I took a picture of it.

During the date we talked about everything and nothing.  I don’t think we found out too much about each other’s past.  But in a way, it felt right, it felt light and unburdened.   This is different for me than other dates.  Normally I ask so many questions and come away knowing a lot.

I found out that he has been divorced four years.  Because of his two daughters he hasn’t dated at all until now.  One is in college, and the other will be going very soon.

We are both Aries. He is an adrenaline junkie. We both love massages and quote Seinfeld. He is self-assured but unassuming.  I normally don’t get along with Aries guys, but in this case it seemed to work.

We talked about sex, actually, the lack of sex in our lives and how we want to change that. We both think similarly on the topic. It needs to be meaningful. I introduced the topic.

There were tons of sparks.  At the end, he walked me to my car.  He asked me for my number. And when we hugged goodbye, we kissed.  I am not a big fan of kissing on the first date, but it seemed the perfect way to end this date.

He later texted to say thank you, and this morning again he said thank you for the great evening.

I had to describe him with only one word it would be: gentleman.

I am sure we will see each other again.

“I have dreamt in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind. And this is one: I’m going to tell it – but take care not to smile at any part of it.” ― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

**

On another note.  I woke up at 4am from a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I had a dream that I was entrusted to take care of a newborn baby. All of a sudden, I realize that I had not been giving the baby a bottle.  I remember feeling a terror inside that the baby was probably going to die or was already dead, because of my neglect.  I hurried to warm up the milk for the baby. The baby looked like he was sleeping serenely all wrapped up in a white blanket.  Or perhaps it was already dead?  I alternated thoughts of “the baby is dead” with “the baby will be okay”.

This dream really messed me up this morning.  I should have been dreaming of rainbows and butterflies and not potentially dead babies.

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”― Louisa May Alcott

OKCupid sucks, Bumbles rocks. Excited over a first date.

20 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

Hi everyone, I am stopping by quickly to say I have a date tonight.  Please send me good vibes. This is not just another date.

I just joined Bumble last week. It is so much better than OKCupid and all the other sites I have been on before.  If I were to rate them, this would be the order:

  1. Bumble
  2. Plenty of Fish
  3. Match
  4. E-Harmony
  5. OKCupid

My rating has to do with the matches I made, and that is probably sheer luck.  They all have their share of fake profiles and take time and energy to search through all the profiles.

I have come across only 1 fake profile in Bumble, and all the guys that I have messaged have been polite and real.  Perhaps it is because it is my first week 🙂

Oh, and guess who was the first person that matched up with me?  The guy from the last date.  I don’t get it why he would try to match with me again.

“It is the possibility that keeps me going, and though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible.” ― Nicholas Sparks

I have 3 dates lined up, but it is the one tonight that has me all giddy.

This doesn’t feel like just another date.  I am excited about it, and I seldom get excited about dates anymore.

I don’t really know why I am this excited.  If I were to describe a reason, there isn’t really one.   We don’t even know much about each other.  Because I don’t have much information, I was not able to do all my Google research.

We have been exchanging messages for a total of 4 days.  And it wasn’t that many messages.  We didn’t even exchange numbers or spoke on the phone.  And that is perfect for me, as I don’t care for speaking on the phone before meeting anyone.

There is just something about the easy flow of the messages.  I didn’t feel pressured to talk on the phone.  I hate to be cliché, but I do feel like I know him for ages.

There wasn’t a single moment since I scheduled the date when I am coming up with reasons to cancel, as I do 99% of the time.

Tonight is all about a feeling.  Not necessarily a feeling of love, but a feeling of finding a similar soul.  I truly believe I am about to meet a lasting friend.

There something about him, and tonight I will find out.  I hope there are sparks.

“I thank you for your courage to expose yourself.
This courage is needed by everyone because without this courage, you cannot hope for any possibility of transformation – into a new world, into a new consciousness, into your authentic being, which is the door to ultimate reality and to the ultimate benediction.”― Osho, Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other

A Different Way to Look at Anger

18 Monday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“A monk decides to meditate alone.

Away from his monastery, he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake, closes his eyes and begins to meditate.

After a few hours of unperturbed silence,
he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his.

With his eyes still closed, he feels his anger rising and, when he opens his eyes, he is ready to shout at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw that it was an empty boat, not tied up, floating in the middle of the lake …

At that moment, the monk achieved self-realization and understood that anger is within him; it simply needs to hit an external object to provoke it.

After that, whenever he met someone who irritated or provoked his anger, he remembers;

“The other person is just an empty boat.
Anger is inside me. “

Thich Nhat Hanh