Category Archives: Finding Me

Anything related to the discovery of the inner me

Cute or Cruel?

09 Friday Apr 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Sometimes I go to God and say, “God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God’s already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn’t pay Him for what He’s done for me.” ― A.W. Tozer

P. remains in the hospital.  I didn’t get in touch with his sister again.  I reached out to his friend Pat.  Pat gives me the updates that he gets from P.’s sister.   She is very frustrated by the treatment he is getting in the hospital he is in now.  She happens to be a top nurse in the hospital where he was treated for Covid a couple of months back.

Now he is in another hospital where his sister has no say.  They tested him again for Covid.  It came back positive as it was likely it would. Because of the positive result they put him in the Covid ward and no visitors are allowed.    

I continue to send daily texts to his phone with positive messages in the off chance that he sees them.  I can’t imagine being in a hospital, disconnected from loved ones and depending on strangers. Sending prayers and good wishes every time he comes to mind.

“Within her presence, I had once been used
to feeling—trembling—wonder, dissolution;
but that was long ago. Still, though my soul,
now she was veiled, could not see her directly,
by way of hidden force that she could move,
I felt the mighty power of old love.”
― Dante Alighieri

Moving on to a man from the past. I wrote about this person before, here: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.com/2015/08/26/a-baby-made-me-cry/ and here: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.com/2019/05/09/eliminating-the-distractions/  and in some other posts.  I referred to him as J. or JW.  I had blocked him before but we somehow started communicating again.

He calls and texts every several months.  I normally return the call if it is regarding business.  I last spoke to him a couple of months ago and put him in touch with a colleague regarding a business idea. 

The calls are mostly friendly and always ends up with the idea of one day meeting for drinks.  I know it will not happen, but it has been always the way we end phone calls.

Out of the blue, a couple of days ago, I got the text below:

I didn’t reply, and will not reply.   I feel bad because I don’t like to ignore people.  But in this case I feel I am being the voice of reason for both of us.  I am not adding fuel to this potential fire.  I am not adding my poetic self to his fairy tale view of this almost romance.

What is the point of looking back?  I am single.  He is married.  End of story. I am not going there.  I am sure that he is probably at a point in his marriage that he is bored.  I am variety, I am spice, I am what if.

I have to be honest and say that the attention massaged my ego for a second. Someone is thinking of me, it warmed my heart.  Originally I thought it was sweet, but almost immediately felt annoyed.

“Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

 I know it may seem like it is just a text.  It is not! It is so much more.  It is the fairy-tale.  In between those lines I read so much more. It is what I dream of and search high and low for. 

My heart took a leap.  Yes, my heart is a dummy dreamer that doesn’t know the difference between lust and love.

Why play with somebody’s heart and emotions like that?  I thought it was a tad thoughtless.  I think he has this fairy-tale idea of the romance we almost lived.  I am not even sure if we would be a good match if we were ever single at the same time. But the question mark remains and it is forever enticing.

It would make a good story, star-crossed lovers that met in a train…

My sister tells me daily that I should write a book…perhaps I should, just to memorialize the eternal search for love… in all the wrong places.

Wishing you all the most amazing weekend!  May it be blessed with surprises! ♥♥

“A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is… A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.” -― C.S. Lewis

 

55th Birthday celebration in Newport, RI

30 Tuesday Mar 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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My sister and I went to Newport, RI for our 55th birthday.  It was beautiful there.  I thought it was my first time being there.  Then, as I was driving on Bellevue Avenue, I saw the International Tennis Hall of Fame and realized I had been there before.

It was almost 10 years ago.  It was for Andre Agassi’s induction ceremony in July 2011.  It may as well had been in a prior life.  I was with Ex then.  Ex, the one that deserves no introduction, but I will clarify for new readers.  He is the one that cheated on me and broke my heart over 9 years ago.  He is the reason why I started this blog – to get the pain out of my being.

“What is past is past. never go back. Not for excuses. Not for justification, not for happiness. You are what you are, the world is what it is.” – Mario Puzo,  The Last Don

I guess I really blocked all the memories of those 3 years with him.  Speaking of him, he texted to wish my sister and I a happy birthday.  I just deleted it.  But it always angers me.  The fact that he thinks that it is okay to contact me after I went as far as telling him to pretend I was dead.  The nerve!  He is not my friend.

Back to Newport and our birthday.  It was beautiful and we had a great time.  We stayed at the America’s Cup Inn.  It was the perfect location for us, right in the center of everything.  So happens that the entire staff of this hotel was Brazilian, and all so nice and helpful.  As we Brazilians often are.

We drove around the island and at times parked and walked around the shore.  Newport is famous for, among other things, the Gilded Age mansions.  We visited the only one that was open: The Marble House.  It was beautiful, opulent and so rich in history.  (pictured below)

We shopped in the little stores in downtown for souvenirs and ate in delicious places. I failed to make reservations for a couple of places I really want to eat at, so we weren’t able to get in.  Better planning next time.  

We will definitely go back at some point!

As far as turning 55, it just feels so foreign to me.  But such a milestone deserves its own post.  I will be writing about it in a separate post.

“Be the celebrators, celebrate! Already there is too much—the flowers have bloomed, the birds are singing, the sun is there in the sky—celebrate it! You are breathing and you are alive and you have consciousness, celebrate it!” ― Osho

The guest and the gift

11 Thursday Mar 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“In one thing you have not changed, dear friend,” said Aragorn: “you still speak in riddles.”
“What? In riddles?” said Gandalf. “No! For I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to; the long explanations needed by the young are wearying.” –  J.R.R. Tolkien

I love babies, specially little Edward, that I hope to see again someday.  But I also love older people.

I have mentioned here,  years ago, that I was volunteering in a nursing home. Even though that didn’t really work out, it did make me realize that I enjoy their company and wisdom.  It also saddened me to see in person how some are just discarded by society, and even worst, by their own families.

I am so glad that I still have my parents, and that they are being treated like royalty by my siblings and I. It is such a blessing to have my brother and sister share my care, love and respect for my parents.

“It`s not how old you are, it`s how you are old.”
― Jules Renard

One of my friends works as a caretaker for an elderly man.  She has mentioned him to me a few times but I had never met him before.

Yesterday, all of a sudden, as I am working at my desk, she walked in.  She said: “Are you busy? There is someone that wants to meet you”.  In walks her boss pushing his walker.

She found out that I am in the same building that his ENT doctor is located.  Since he had an appointment there, she took the opportunity to stop by.

He was the sweetest and funniest man.  He is 89 years old but sharp as a tack. We joked and made fun of my friend.  He then said he had brought me a gift.  He open the seat of his walker and removed a little eyeglass case.  In it there was this little beaver carved out of some pink stone.

It doesn’t really look like a beaver but he said it was a beaver, therefore it is a beaver to me.  Look at the picture below and tell me what animal do you think it is.

He said it was Indian and it was meant to give me protection and prosperity.  I will take it! He gave me some of the background on it, but I was so taken by the gesture that I didn’t pay attention.

I do that often. I get so involved in the feeling of the moment that I ignore all else. I will ask my friend to find out for me.

I felt so special! 🙂

I am still in pain. The dentist said it is normal for the pain to be stronger a few days after the surgery.  He said it should be gone by day 7.  It is just so abnormal for me to have such pain after a dental surgery.  He also said I should stop taking Advil alone and combine it with Tylenol.

Well, the 7th day is tomorrow and to celebrate it I scheduled a lunch date.   I am not sure if I more more excited for the date or for the food.  It will be the first time in one week that I will be eating more than yogurt and scrambled eggs.

Stay tuned for the details… of my meal. 🙂

“The Little Boy and the Old Man

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
I do that too,” laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
I know what you mean,” said the little old man.”
― Shel Silverstein

2 pennies and a rose: how lucky can a person be? or should I say blessed?

17 Wednesday Feb 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“When we’re interested in something, everything around us appears to refer to it (the mystics call these phenomena ‘signs’, the sceptics ‘coincidence’, and psychologists ‘concentrated focus’, although I’ve yet to find out what term historians would use).” ― Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

I believe in signs. I believe that if we are paying attention, if our minds are still, we can notice signs all over.

I don’t pay attention.  I am never quiet.  My mind is always going 100 miles per hours. I am sure I go through life missing signs. But every now and then, I see something and it feels like a sign.

I am that person that believes in everything that cannot be seen or explained. I believe in unicorns, angels, miracles, fairy-tales, soulmates and all of that is magical and unexplainable.

I pray that I am able to see the signs as I encounter them. Yes, I believe in the power of prayer too.  I pray for signs that show me that I am in the right path; that I didn’t veer off into the wrong path.

“I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.” ― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

The other day, as I was walking to work, I felt a pebble inside my shoe. I stopped, and as I flipped my shoe, two pennies fell off. I was surprised.  It felt like a tiny pebble and not coins. (see picture below)

How did it get there? I don’t know, and I don’t really care.  I see it as a sign. A sign of abundance and prosperity, of money coming my way. Based on what, you may ask? On nothing; just my crazy ever so optimistic mind.

I got to work and a few minutes later I got an email from my credit card confirming a $1,000 refund for a ticket to Brazil that I had already given up on.  



Today, as I am again walking to work, I see a rose on the sidewalk. I was passing on by, then I thought to myself: If it was money, I would pick it up, why not a flower?  I went back and picked it up. (see the picture below)

It is one of those flowers made of fabric.  It looked perfect, clean, and so out of place lying on the sidewalk on this frigid winter day.  

To me, it came bringing all sorts of messages. It signals goodness blooming. It means love, happiness, good fortune, good days ahead. All that goodness coming and going, to me and from me.   

No, unfortunately I didn’t get to work and Prince Charming was waiting for me 😦  But it could happen.  I believe!


That is me! Always a dreamer!  May I always be in the moment and alert to see the signs gifted to me from above.

I think I notice signs walking to work because that is when I am at my quietest.  It is early, not a lot people on the street. I don’t have the TV or radio going.  I am not fiddling on the cell phone.  I am doing 1 thing: walking, instead of 3 or 4. I am just walking, happy, feeling the cold air on my face and feeling ever so alive.

“I believe in signs….what we need to learn is always there before us, we just have to look around us with respect & attention to discover where God is leading us and which step we should take. When we are on the right path, we follow the signs, and if we occasionally stumble, the Divine comes to our aid, preventing us from making mistakes.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Your Love is King, my heart is your castle!

14 Sunday Feb 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

I am dealing with the opposite of writer’s block.  I have had so much I wanted to share and so many ideas, and yet I can’t manage to finish a post.  It is 2am now and I promised myself that I will not go to sleep until I hit the Publish button. So forgive the typos.

I have started doing to my posts what I do with books.  I start multiple ones, but never finish them.  I need to change this bad habit that is starting to permeate all areas of my life.

Because it is Valentine’s Day I want to leave you with a song that I love. I love everything about Sade and her music.  This song also reminds me of when I first arrived in the US, in 1984.  It had been released at that time.

It was a time of newness, discovery, uncertainty, sadness, excitement, and so much belief and faith.

“What have we to fear, we who believe?” ― Victor Hugo

What I don’t remember having at that time was fear.  I was too young at that point to have any fear.  What a blessing it is to know no fear.  I was 17 years, and even without speaking the language, having any money or job, I did feel I would be okay in this foreign land.  I didn’t know the details of when, what or how, but I knew I would be okay. 

It was not a feeling of complete invincibility. Perhaps it was just ignorance of fear. I was ready and eager to embrace the future. I envy the focus and hunger of that young girl.  I want to be her again.  I want to be that fearless and determined again.

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” ― Roy T. Bennett

On this Valentine’s Day, I wish you courage.  The courage to open your heart and allow others in.  Be willing to be vulnerable.  Anywhere you go leave a trail of love and kindness!  Let the ones you care know that you do. 

Above all, be amazing to yourself.  Treat yourself with kindness! Do what brings you joy! You are unique, special and deserving of love!

I love you for coming here, reading, liking, commenting, and reaching out to me in other ways.   It brings me joy, warms my soul and it makes my heart sing. It means the world, it makes a difference!  I am grateful!

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

Your love is king, crown you in my heart
Your love is king, never need to part
Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
Tearing the very heart of me, I’m crying out for more
Your love is king, crown you in my heart
Your love is king, you’re the ruler of my heart
Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
I’m crying out for more, your love is king
I’m coming on, I’m coming
You’re making me dance, inside
Your love is king, crown you in my heart
Your love is king, never need to part
Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
Tearing the very heart of me, I’m crying out for more
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
I’m crying out for more, your love is king
This is no blind faith, this is no sad or sorry dream
This is no blind faith, your love, your love is real
Gotta crown me with your heart (your love is king)
Never, never need to part (your love is king)
Touch me (your love is king)
I’m coming (your love is king)
(Your love is king) making me dance

Your Love is King – Sade

Online dating blah blah blah

06 Saturday Feb 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” ― E.E. Cummings

I signed up for OKCupid.  I haven’t had much time to actually be online, but still I have managed to connect with several people. 

Guy 1. 49 yrs old. Funny and smart.  After speaking a couple of days online I gave him my number.  After the initial pleasantries his first message was an offer to send me a picture of his d.  I declined and said that we clearly want different things.  He said he understood and we continued to text.  But every now and then, he offers to send me a picture. 

Why do I have this perpetual need of being nice? Why do I keep giving people second chances?  I guess I need to listen to Maya Angelou when she says: “When someone shows you who they are,  believe them the first time.” 

Guy 2. 45 yrs old. Smart conversation. I gave him my number.  We texted.  He seemed very interested.  Asked me out.  I said yes.  Then he just seemed to fade.  I am still waiting to hear about tonight’s date.  At this point, 11am, even if he reaches out I am no longer interested.  I guess some people just want to get the date but not go through with that.

Perhaps some people are only after that initial excitement, the thrill of connecting with someone new.  

Guy 3. 58 yrs old. He is all about volleyball.  It is funny because that is all he talks about.  He started playing recently.  I haven’t played since I was 16. He wants me to join his league. I am not sure about that, but I am going on a date with him next week. Well, I am still deciding if I should go or not.

Should I still go on a date with someone that I am not terribly excited about?  Would that be wasting their time?

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have encountered a bunch of catfishes already.  I even managed to give my number to one, before I realized it.  I am embarrassed about that.  I should know better.  I have to pay more attention.  Lesson learned.

Then there are the guys that are all about sex.  I know they want sex.  I want sex. We all do, but why lead with that? Read the room, I mean profile, people!  I want sex but as part of a committed relationship, and I state that in my profile.

Worst of all, at first they want to change my mind.  When that doesn’t work, they try to gaslight me by saying that I am overthinking things, that sex is not all they are about.  Those guys are exhausting!

Then there are the offer of being friends with benefits. It doesn’t appeal to me.  This is no judgement on anyone that enjoys that.  I become attached to people, and I would suffer later.  I know me.

I do reserve the right to change my mind on that.  On anything.  I am evolving as the earth is moving.

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”
― Walt Whitman

I am always open to making platonic friends, but rarely guys on dating site accept that.  Some say they have too many friends. Some agree to being friends, but then just fade away.  I get it.

Speaking of friends.  There are 2 friends that I met on Plenty of Fish. Among all the catfish and other fake profiles I found 2 friends. 

Guy 1.  I have written about him here often.  I call him A-the doctor.  We went on a few dates.  Then he disappeared.  When he came back we became friends.  We go out often to brunch and dinner.  We talk a lot about health, spiritual things, soul, Rumi, etc. Lately, most of our conversations are about Cryptocurrencies. He believes they are the future and that I should invest heavily on them.  

Guy 2. This person, I all call him P-the Investor. I have known him for a couple of years, but I don’t think I ever mentioned him here.  We never met in person.  I will write more about him in a next post.  For now he is a friend that has become dear to me.  Lately our conversations are all about stocks.   He wants me to stay away from cryptocurrencies and focus on stocks. 

At the moment I find myself more interested in reading about stocks then dating profiles 🙂

“If you dare nothing, then when the day is over,
nothing is all you will have gained.” ― Neil Gaiman

 

 

Addicted to Potential

21 Thursday Jan 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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“What should I possibly have to tell you, oh venerable one? Perhaps that you’re searching far too much? That in all that searching, you don’t find the time for finding?” ― Hermann Hesse

My dating life at the moment is non-existent. I am planning on joining another online dating site, but cannot decide which one.  I have been on Match, e-Harmony and Plenty of Fish before. They were all okay.  I have met jerks, but also met some great men. But, for some reason or another, I remain single and still searching.

My sister has never been on a dating site before and I want her to try.  I am suggesting to her Bumble and Our Time.  I think it would be too weird for us both to be on the same site.  We do look very similar on some pictures.  I need to think of other sites.

Any suggestions on what dating site I should join next? I am thinking either OKCupid or Zoosk.

“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.” ― Vincent van Gogh

It is not like it has been ages since I have been on a dating site either. My membership on Match expired at the beginning of December.

The last date I had was in December. I mentioned it in a post how he was such a nice person, that even though I didn’t think there were sparks I thought it was worth a second date.  We also talked about being friends and he was happy with that.  Then he just disappeared.

Nothing.  Not a word. He even ignored my happy holidays wishes.   I am not crying over his disappearance. I learned a long time ago that in these situations, the sooner one accepts it and moves on the better.  I am human, so I am curious.  Why someone chooses to just disappear?

“Potential,” I said, “doesn’t mean a thing. You’ve got to do it. Almost every baby in a crib has more potential than I have.” ― Charles Bukowski

I find disappearing acts childish and immature.  One minute the guy is all over you professing his love, the next he is gone. Not a word.  Strange, weird, but all too common lately.

When people disappear for no reason, with no explanation, I always thank my guardian angels.  I credit them for removing from my life something that would not be good for me in the long run.  I wholeheartedly believe in that. He is still a nice guy, but for somebody else.

I firmly believe that everything that happens in my life is for the best. Sometimes, it may not seem that way at the moment, but ultimately, I am better off.  So, I embrace it all as a gift from above. Disappearing acts included.

And for the disappearing guy I have a poem:

I have more people to meet, stocks to buy,

so thank you for not wasting my time with a good bye.

“Passion creates, addiction consumes.” ― Gabor Maté

And speaking of stocks to buy, I am staging my own intervention.  I have been very busy at work, but whatever little extra time I have I find myself doing something stock related. It seems that, momentarily, I have traded men for stocks.

Dating sites were a distraction from the busyness of work and the craziness of life.  Now tracking stocks is my distraction of choice.

It has been just 2 months since I have started playing the stock market and I already feel the need to reign in my buying compulsion. I have all kinds of stocks, from big well-known ones to obscure niche ones.  From weed growers to bitcoin mining.  I am going crazy.

“This is how we bring about our own damnation, you know-by ignoring the voice that begs us to stop. To stop while there’s still time.” ― Stephen King

It is a lot like gambling and also like treasure hunting. Can I find the next stock that is going to blow up and make me an overnight millionaire?

Of course not.  I know better.  Still, I play.

My addictive personality is addicted to lure of making it big. In the same way I am addicted to the potential of meeting The One in dating sites.  I am addicted to the potential in things.

Because I am addicted to the potential, I look for the good in everything.  I give people and things extra chances. I overdo it.  I overstay.  I keep the door open.

I want to find the needle in the haystack, the diamond among the sea of cubic zirconia.

Hi, my name is Ana and I am an addict!

“Anything that inspires addiction or obsession – substances, entertainment, beauty, secrecy – is dangerous in that it can lead to isolation, self-absorption, and disconnection, to paralyzed stasis: an immobility that gathers like a force.” ― Greg Carlisle

Don’t blame. It is counter-productive.

13 Wednesday Jan 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“As your consciousness, refinement and pureness of heart expands you will become less judgmental, less corrective, less reactive, less black-and-white, less critical, less apt to blame and less tormented by others and their faults and views.” ― Bryant McGill

I love when I notice an improvement in my actions.

There was a big problem with a trade at work today. Somehow, along the way of setting up a new customer, one final step was overlooked. This was not noticed until the trade was closed. After trying to somehow circumvent this problem, we had to give up. The trade had to be broken and handed to a competitor.

The brokers involved were very unhappy. Our firm looked bad, and we lost money. In their conversations with me via instant messaging I noticed that they were hinting at looking for someone to blame (me).

“Blame and praise have no true effects.” ― Marcus Aurelius

I didn’t become defensive. That was a big a-hah! moment to me.

My first instinct was to fix the problem. I proposed alternatives, made phone calls, but in the end nothing could be done, and because time was of the essence it was wiser to let it go.

Often when a mistake happens the first instinct is to try to assign blame. Second, is to become defensive when being blamed.

I don’t want to assign blame and I don’t want to become defensive. 

For the record, I wouldn’t call what happened a mistake. I would call it an oversight. Second, it was not me, or even the broker.  Ultimately the customer is responsible for this last step, but it is up to the broker to remind him.

I always tell my brokers to remind the customer. This time I don’t remember if I did or didn’t. I could look for the record of the conversations, but to me that would be a defensive action, and at this point useless and negative. I didn’t want to waste time with that.

“Blame is the lie by which we convince ourselves that we are victims. It is the lie that robs us of our serenity, our generosity, our confidence, an our delight in life . . . For it is the act of blaming that can’t co-exist with self-responsibility — or with freedom from inner agitation and strained relationships. Abandon the practice of blaming, and we see the fear melt away that we have associated with being honest about ourselves and taking the full measure of responsibility for our emotional and spiritual condition.” ― C. Terry Warner

This one broker in question was already feeling bad. Why would I want to add to that? Why should I compound his pain with blame? He should have crossed his Ts and dotted his Is, but he didn’t.  He knows it. He lost a lot money on that trade.

It is not going to accomplish anything to prove that I am not at fault for something that it is not my function. Even though they originally hinted at blaming the Backoffice/Compliance (me), they knew better and never actually said anything.

In the past, I would have made a point of pointing out exactly who was to blame and what they should have done. I am over that need.  I no longer need to be always right. 

In the past I would want to make sure that others knew that I had done nothing wrong. I take pride in doing a great job and never wanted my image, somehow, tarnished. Now I am confident in the job I do and don’t need to have the others agree with me.  I no longer need others to know I am right. 

Lately, I choose to focus my energy on the lessons in every situation: Could this have been prevented? How? How can we do better next time? Are there any other areas that need to reviewed with the brokers?

I am drafting an email reminding the brokers of all the steps required to set up a customer and who is responsible for each step. I hope this will help everyone be in the same page.

I am feeling light and productive.  Mistakes (or oversights) happen.  How you handle them and move forward is what makes the difference.  

“A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it.
Having admitted it, he corrects it.
He considers those who point out his faults
as his most benevolent teachers.
He thinks of his enemy
as the shadow that he himself casts.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Make 2021 Amazing, choose: Possibilities, Opportunities, Faith, Hope, Forgiveness, Gratitude and Movement

31 Thursday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Youtube Videos

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Do you have favorite words?  I do!  I have so many, on this eve of the New Year I chose some of my favorites to share with you. 😊

May you love the following words as much as I do.  Wishing you a magical New Year.  2020 turned out to be such a lousy lover! Dare to take a chance and fall in love with 2021.

Here are my word/wishes:

Possibilities – There in an entire world in this one word.  It means everything and more.  In 2021 embrace the beauty of possibilities.  It is a dream not dreamed yet, an unpolished diamond, a miracle being made. In each new second, in each new person there is a world of possibilities.  Be open to see it.

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard

Opportunities – All around us there are opportunities.   They may come disguised as problems or challenges.  Don’t be deceived by that.  The bigger the challenge, the more opportunities it contain.  Look for it, it may not always be visible.  Create it, go after.  When it knocks, don’t ignore it, embrace it!

“Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door.” – ― Emily Dickinson

Hope – Dare to dream and expect only the best.  No matter how dark the night is there are still stars out there and there is the sun rising every morning.  No matter what, hold on to hope; let it comfort and guide you.  Dare to expect miracles!   

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…” ― Alfred Lord Tennyson

Faith –  Even if you are not religious, believe in something bigger than yourself.  Believe that you will be okay no matter what happens to you; no matter what life throws at you.  Make faith and prayer your best friends. If you have faith, you are never alone!

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Soren Kierkegaard

Forgiveness – Forgive yourself and forgive others.  Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. Forget vengeance, choose grace! The harder it is to forgive someone, the more rewarding will be do it.  Forgive and be free!

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

Gratitude – The key to happiness is gratitude.  Gratitude can change any mind set.  Challenge yourself to look for things to be grateful for every single day.  On the bleakest day, find gratitude to anchor you.  Say Thank you more often, to more people!

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

This morning I just discovered another word that I decided to add to this list.  I am not sure who created the clip below (if you do, let me know so I can give them credit), but I love it.

Movement – Every movement causes a flow of energy.  Keep moving, mind, body and soul.  Keep going, no matter what.  All it takes is one step, one foot in front of the other.  We all should be constantly growing and evolving.  Get up and Go!

“Well, I always know what I want. And when you know what you want–you go toward it. Sometimes you go very fast, and sometimes only an inch a year. Perhaps you feel happier when you go fast. I don’t know. I’ve forgotten the difference long ago, because it really doesn’t matter, so long as you move.” ― Ayn Rand

 

 

Momentarily foggy, but not lost

23 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” ― Thomas Merton

I had a date on Saturday night.  He is 52 yrs old, never married, no kids and works in financial services.  He is very similar to me in a lot areas.  It was like I was meeting an old friend.  We talked and laughed non-stop.  He was the consummate gentleman. 

We will probably go on a second date, but I am not sure about chemistry.  I know we could be great as friends, but I am not sure if there are enough sparks for anything else.  We shall see…

“It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tired into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.” ― Martin Luther King Jr

In the meantime, I have been a little out of sorts the past few days.  I have been unable to complete any tasks.  I started at least 5 different blog posts and was unable to finish any of them.  Fingers crossed I finish this one.

I imagine I am not the only one going through this feeling of imbalance and uncertainty.  Never in a million years I expected this Covid-19 nightmare to last this long.  Now they are talking about this new virus mutation… what next?

Can someone please wake me up from this sci-fi nightmare? When will I be able to fly to Brazil and see my parents?  The fact that I cannot travel at will is really doing a number on me. 

My usual sense of urgency is on asteroids.  I keep thinking that I am wasting time and feeling unproductive.  The worst part is that instead of acting/doing, I feel frozen and without direction.

“Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities. Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being. As the great nineteenth-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, “He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.”  ― Jordan B. Peterson

I am well aware that I have no reason to complain or to feel anything other than blessed.  So please just ignore this momentarily loss of myself, purpose and meaning.  I guess in writing this I want to say that it is okay not to feel 100% happy 100% of the time. 

The key for me is to remember that unhappy moments come and go.  Nothing lasts forever, good or bad.  I have to learn to cope with those “in-between” moments without overdosing on sugar.

Thanks heavens that I do have healthier coping mechanisms.  My number 1 go to feel better action is to do a mental Gratitude list.  By number 3 on the list I am already feeling better.  There is so much for me to be grateful for.  This is an endless list.

“You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act. You simply don’t know what you believe, before that. You are too complex to understand yourself.” ― Jordan B. Peterson

The second thing I do that helps to ground and center me is to stop throughout the day and recite the H’onoponopono mantra to myself: I am sorry.  Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.  

Psychology Today describes Ho’oponopono as: The Hawaiian word ho’oponopono comes from ho’o (“to make”) and pono (“right”). The repetition of the word pono means “doubly right” or being right with both self and others. In a nutshell, ho’oponopono is a process by which we can forgive others to whom we are connected.

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.” ― Herman Melville

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian spiritual practice and literally means to “Set things right’. My simplistic view is that I am responsible for my actions, even if unintentional.  Without realizing, I hurt others. I become disconnected, I let my ego appear and be in charge.  Past mistakes continue to permeate through my life now and cause imbalance and create negative feelings. By asking for forgiveness and expressing gratitude, to no one in particular, but to everyone, I take accountability for my actions and I connect to others. 

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

When I say I’M SORRY, I acknowledge my errors, my part in anything wrong that happened to me and to others in the past.

When I say FORGIVE ME, I accept my role in those errors and I ask for forgiveness for my part in all. I recognize that I am responsible for everything I touch.

“Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.”
― Carl Gustav Jung

When I say THANK YOU, I show gratitude to all, to my ancestors, to myself.  I am grateful for everything, big and small. I am grateful to all.

When I say I LOVE YOU, I spread love to the world. I am in love with myself and with everything around me. I am in love with all the Universe presents me.

To you, today: I’m sorry, Forgive-me, Thank You, I love You! ♥♥♥

“Be drunk with Love, for Love is all that Exists”- Rumi

 

 

 

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