Category Archives: Finding Me

Anything related to the discovery of the inner me

Life is as beautiful and fragile as a multicolored glass vase

09 Thursday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Message, Finding Me

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“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.” ― Seneca

To all that sent good issues to my brother, I thank you so much.  All the good wishes and prayers worked.  I am happy to report that he is doing much better.

Here is my latest project.  I keep trying different materials and projects, to eventually find my voice.  Perhaps I don’t have one specific voice.

This vase looks great on a window with the sun hitting it from behind.  I took the pictures at night, so I added a light to achieve the same effect.

   

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8 color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64 color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64 color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s okay though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8 color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So when I meet someone who’s an 8 color type…I’m like, hey girl, Magenta! and she’s like, oh, you mean purple! and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, no I want Magenta!” ― John Mayer

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All about Me, Myself and I

07 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“In daily life we experience suffering more often than pleasure. If we are patient, in the sense of taking suffering voluntarily upon ourselves, even if we are not capable of doing this physically, then we will not lose our capacity for judgement. We should remember that if a situation cannot be changed, there is no point in worrying about it. If it can be changed, then there is no need to worry about it either, we should simply go about changing it.”
― Dalai Lama XIV, Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Inner Peace: The Essential Life and Teachings

Hello, I hope you all had an amazing weekend!

For the last few days, I have been dealing with feelings of powerlessness.

Family far away. I found out on Saturday that my brother has COVID.  My brother takes care of my older parents.

So many thoughts.  What if my brother gets so ill and has to go to the hospital?  What if my parents get it?

It is the type of situation that I wish I could get on a plane and get there asap.  But I can’t.  It is not that simple.  I have my tickets to Brazil already bought, but they are for April.

Fortunately, from Saturday until now, he is doing much better. So far, my parents haven’t contracted it.

It is so hard to live far away and not be able to just go and be with them.  I should be used to that situation already, after living in the US for the past 39 years.

Canceled date. I was going on a date on Sunday and my date canceled.  He also contracted COVID.  I was looking forward to that date.  Not because I thought we were such a good match, but because he seemed so intelligent and I imagined great conversations.  I no longer focus on the future of a date, I focus on the moment.

He wanted to talk on the phone until he recovers, I said no.  I am not sure why.  I keep going with my gut on the phone situation.  Sometimes I will give my number and talk on the phone, while other times I insist on meeting in person first.

Two people I know in 2 separate parts of the world getting Covid is to me such a reminder that Covid is not only still around, but it is here to stay.  We just need to learn to deal with it.

Cold sores.  I have never had a mouth/cold sore until last week.  I am glad it was small and not too unsightly.  This morning, it seems, I may be getting another one.  I am blaming it on the stress of work in the last months.  Stress and a possible weak immune system.  I have relaxed a bit on all I was doing to take care of myself.

It is all common sense the items on my list below, but it is so easy to relax a bit, and all of a sudden all I am doing is eating cake and watching Netflix.

So, starting now, I am focusing on:

  • Eating well. I do eat well, but 2 words: Less sugar!!
  • Sleeping well. Get to bed before 11pm.
  • Take Vitamin C. I take plenty of vitamins and supplements, but I just realized that I haven’t taken vitamin C in months.
  • Exercise more intentionally.  I walk on a treadmill every day, sometimes twice a day.  Every now and then I do some light weight training. I need to follow a program and a set of exercises.
  • Meditate (or just sit still). It does wonders for me when I take some time out of my day to just be still.

I am disappointed that I didn’t handle these feelings of powerlessness better.   I have read so much, experienced so much, wrote so much about it.  I should be a master at dealing with situations which I have no control of, by now.  This is another reminder that some lessons are never done.  We are constantly being tested.

I am disappointed when I realized that I had been putting myself and my well-being last. Work has been first for so long.  First with my assistant our for 3 months, then the audit for 6 months.  There was hardly any time for me in there.  2022 was very tough on me and my psyche.

The rest of 2023 will be all about me! ME! ME! ME!

“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” ― The Dalai Lama

 

Everything works out in the end, if it hasn’t… just be patient

03 Friday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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Happy Friday everyone!

I am sorry about all the issues that some of you are having trying to reach my blog.  I hear you and I have been attempting to fix it.  I suspect things will get worse before they get better, so please hang in there.

I have also been experiencing issues while visiting some of you. I like or comment a post, and at that moment it shows.  If I refresh the page or go back to the post, it is no longer there.

I emailed WordPress and I am waiting on their response.   Please be patient with me and my blog.

And on the topic of patience, that is the always current lesson in my life.  I struggle with it; I fight with it.  It always fights back, and it always win.  Time and time again I realize that things are not on my timing.  I have to respect that, and get in line.

“A warrior of the Light is never in a hurry.
Time works in his favor; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.” ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

Good news: Yesterday we had our audit exit interview.  It went well, no major findings.  They will be sending an official letter in the next few days.  Once we get the letter, we will have 10 days to reply.  I will probably have to write a couple of pages regarding the findings and corrections necessaries, but it shouldn’t be too bad.

And that should be the end of it.  Well, until we hear from them again.  We have been audited by our industry regulators in 2015, 2019, and 2022. The last one, ending now, after 6 months.

I still have plenty of other work to do, but not having auditors hanging over my head, never knowing when more questions are coming, is such a relief.

I found the writing below and it seems to have been written for an Aries (it fits me to a T). If anyone knows the author, please let me know so I can give it credit.

“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples’ affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains — they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint — it is so hard to live with some of them — but a harsh old person is one of the devil’s masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen”
― Anonymous

Have a blessed weekend!

Here is my sister! Well, something like that…

01 Wednesday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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“But the love of sisters needs no words. It does not depend on memories, or mementos, or proof. It runs as deep as a heartbeat. It is as ever present a s a pulse.” ― Lisa Wingate, Before We Were Yours

My sister became a U.S. citizen in November and I wanted to mark the date. While I don’t have the skills yet to do something more flattering, I came up with the piece below.  My sister has long curly hair and round glasses.  I think I have captured her essence, in a fun/funny way.  She liked it.  She cannot look at it without laughing.

I want to start doing more mosaics at home.  I get great ideas and advice at the studio, but I am really interested in what I can come up with without anybody’s input and with the material I have at home.

For the record I adore L., the studio owner.  She is the best and does the most amazing things.  She has helped my love for mosaics flourish.

I have also finished two other project at the studio, that I will be posting next.

 

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” ― Jim Henson

When it is ok to be evasive

26 Thursday Jan 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

My dating life ebbs and flows.  I go through cycles.  Sometimes I am very interested in dating, in finding a partner.  I go on Match often, I read a lot profiles, I send likes.

Other times, as in now,  I feel I have no time for it. Or, perhaps I should say ,I just don’t have much interest.  I guess it is a combination of those factors.

Work has been occupying a lot of my mental capacity.  The audit that started in August is still not finished, but it should be a matter of days now… fingers crossed.

Still, even with my lack of interest and time, I managed to exchange messages with someone and go on a date last Thursday night.

We met for dinner at Modern Restaurant in New Rochelle.  He is 50 years old and works as part of spiritual care team at a large hospital.  He is very accomplished and intelligent.  He was personable and we had good conversations, mostly about his background and about Rumi.  He is very well versed in on all things Rumi. I love Rumi.

I had a good time, but there was zero chemistry for me.

He paid me a lot compliments.  He said that I am much better in person than in my pictures.   That made me questions my pictures on Match.

“Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

He seemed really interested in me, and let me know it at every second.  While I appreciate the honesty and forwardness, it sometimes can smell of desperation and insincerity. Get to know someone more than a couple of hours before you start exalting them.

I don’t think he really knew how over the top he was really being. I did give him some pointers on future dates.  I pointed out that there is such thing as “too much too soon”.   He said I was his first date since he joined Match.  So perhaps that is the problem right there.  Too eager!

At the end of the date, he mentioned again that he was very enamored by me and wanted to see me again.  He said: “I desire you”.  That just made me cringe.

Then he asked if I was interested in him. Talk about putting someone on the spot!!

“I do know that the slickest way to lie is to tell the right amount of truth–then shut up.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

I didn’t know how to answer.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew the answer.  It was NO.  I was not interested in seeing him again as a potential romantic partner.  I had zero interest in that.

I love the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and will always choose honesty above all else. But on first dates, safety comes first.  I don’t know if the person sitting across from me will turn into a raving lunatic upon rejection. I rather not chance it.

Even though my body and facial expression was screaming NO, out of my mouth came the words: “I am not sure.”

He looked deflated but said he understood.  We walked out of the restaurant, quickly hugged goodbye, and went our separate ways.

“It is not easy to keep silent when silence is a lie.” ― Victor Hugo

The next day I opened Match, and was about to write him and tell him how I really felt.  While I was deciding what to write, he blocked me.

Thank you!   I love when things get resolved on their own.

Everything in life, and in this case, dates, are either a win or a lesson.  This time, again, it was a lesson.  I learned that I need to read profiles more carefully, ask more questions and pay attention to the answers.

While he seemed to be a nice person and I had a nice time, had I spent more time reading his profile and asking the right questions before the date, I would know he was not for me.

On the date, he said he was not interested in a committed relationship.  It turns out he is still married, and there will be no divorce.  It is a long story that he shared with me on the date, and I am choosing not to repeat here to protect the innocent.

I understand his situation.  It has to do with his past, insurance, finances and a personal sense of obligation.  Still, even if there was chemistry, I think it would be too much drama for me to get involved with.

While, at the moment, I am a bit tired and very slow with my dating efforts, I am still out there and still interested.  I enjoy online dating. I enjoy first dates, I enjoy meeting new people; and for me it is still the best place for me to meet people.  And I believe he is out there!  It is okay if you call me delusional lol

Remember: Safety first when online dating!

“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ― Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit

April and May 2022 – Dream and Doom

19 Thursday Jan 2023

Posted by in Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“There’a a phrase, “the elephant in the living room”, which purports to describe what it’s like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, “How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn’t you see the elephant in the living room?” And it’s so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; “I’m sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn’t know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture.” There comes an aha-moment for some folks – the lucky ones – when they suddenly recognize the difference.” ― Stephen King

Continuing my recap of last year, here is April and May. I will focus on my relationship with B., which was the main theme of those months. (to read in detail, go to Archives)

Towards the end of March and beginning of April, B. and I met several times. He was kind and had flowers for me every time we saw each other. But there were times where we weren’t really in tune. He kept pushing to see me more often.  He was showing a possessive and insecure side.

In April I went to Brazil to see my family and bring my mom to the US for her biannual visit.

While in Brazil, I spoke to B. every night.  I wanted to pacify him. We grew closer and couldn’t wait to see each other.  This relationship was looking more and more like the love story I have been looking for.  He was again acting insecure and possessive on the phone, but I was blinded by the potential.

He would frame some outbursts as done out of loving me so much and didn’t want to get hurt if I was not as serious about the relationship as he was.

When I returned to the US, on April 19, things didn’t go as I had hoped.  I had mentioned to B. that my time was going to be limited because of my mom’s visit.  He said he understood it, but he kept complaining about not seeing me enough.

When we were together, he would say the right things, give me flowers and apologize for being demanding of my time.  When we were apart, he would fire off texts showing a possessive and insecure side that was not attractive at all.

There was one date, for our 2-month anniversary, that I acted like a baby.  I think it was already my gut, my instincts rebelling against this relationship.

Twice I had said to him that some of the texts he sent while angry were not acceptable. I told him that this push-pull behavior made me feel like I was being emotionally abused. He was shocked to hear that, apologized and promised to be more thoughtful before sending another one of those texts.

 “I am stuffing your mouth with your
promises and watching
you vomit them out upon my face.”
― Anne Sexton

Then, the day before I was to leave to Brazil to take my mom back, he got upset.  We had already said good bye with a dinner, but he wanted to see me one more time.  I changed my schedule a couple of times to see him again, but when there was another change, I said I couldn’t make it.  He then sent me a text calling me an a-hole.  Shock is not even the word to describe my feelings when I read that. He sent a couple of apologies in messenger and WhatsApp.  I didn’t reply and blocked him on both.

I will not be called names, specially by someone that supposedly loves me.  It is unacceptable to me.   I feel I dodged a bullet.  His demanding behavior and possessiveness kept getting worse.  His insecurity and fear of getting hurt always got the best of him. But that is no excuse.  A grown man should know how to behave, or seek help.

Had he not called me an a-hole, I would probably still be in that relationship.  Still trying to make it work, because it seemed so right sometimes.  I fell for the flowers and the potential.

I am glad I was leaving for Brazil the following day.  Being far away made it easier to not be tempted to give him yet another chance.  I was too busy with my family to think about him.  Well, I did think about him, but it made it easier to distract my mind.

Now, almost a year later, I am happy that I got out of that relationship relatively fast.  Had I stayed in it longer I can only imagine how it would destroy my mind and well-being.  Looking back there were so many issues, signs, offensive words disguised as “loving too much”.  There were so many things I ignored because it seemed so promising.

I remember when I wrote about it last year. I was embarrassed, and still in doubt about using the word “abuse”.  But it felt in my gut, it was in all the little words that hit me like a knife, and also in the beautiful flowers that made me smile.  At the end of conversations I was spent and questioning my sanity.  Yes, it was abuse and I am glad to be far from it, and to now be better able to recognize it.  Abuse comes in all forms.

My sister had already recognized it.  I would tell her about the dates. There were a couple of times that I remember her saying: “I am afraid of you going to his house.  He is unstable.” I thought she was overreacting.  I pacified her, and said that he would never physically hurt me.

Lesson learned:  Don’t ignore the red flags and your gut.  If someone is acting in a way that you think it is harmful to our mental health, don’t hang around.  Situations and actions escalate.  If you wonder if you are being mentally abused, you are! Run!

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

 

This was February 2022 (peace is still a dream)

10 Tuesday Jan 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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Continuing my recap of 2022, this was February.  I am hoping to get the rest of 2022 done in the next couple of weeks.

“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” ― Toni Morrison, Beloved

In February I gave notice to my tenant to move out.  It felt like freedom… momentarily. From the moment I gave notice to the moment he actually left it took several painful months.

I almost got scammed by the car dealership when I went in for an oil change. That experience taught me not to go to car dealerships for regular oil changes.

“Potential has a shelf life.” ― Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye

I went on a coffee date, looking more for a potential skiing partner than a romantic one.  One week later the date and I went skiing at Hunter Mountain.  We had a great time.  I thought we would remain in touch, but we didn’t.  We exchanged a few messages but then I just let it go.

“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering” ― Don Miguel Ruiz

A lady at the mosaic studio was offended when I mentioned I was naming one of my mosaic pieces after her friend.  She felt her friend would be upset.  I learned how some people can be so sensitive, even if it is for something that has nothing to do with them.  I was upset for a moment and then realized it was not really about me. It was about this person’s own issues. She had been going through some grief.  I just let it go.

“Conduct yourself in a manner that is worthy of respect and don’t worry about what others think.” ― Bohdi Sanders, Men of the Code: Living as a Superior Man

The war in Ukraine started. The world feels even more fragile, uncertain and scary. Now, almost a year later it seems the world just got used to it.  How crazy is it that we can get used to everything in life, even a war?  The sad reality is, unless it personally affect us, life goes on.

As I write this, I am reading about the ugly protests in Brazil yesterday.  Actually that was not a protest.  Protests are peaceful.  That was an ugly, violent attack on our congressional buildings, on our symbols of justice and democracy.  It was like watching the January 6 Capitol scenes all over again.  I was very saddened but not surprised. Bolsonaro followed Trumps’s playbook to a T, and so did his followers.  I was surprised that the authorities were not prepared for it.

I pray for Ukraine.  I pray for Brazil.  I pray for the world.  I pray for peace and unity! May each person have more love in their heart for their fellow human being.

“The sadness of the world has different ways of getting to people, but it seems to succeed almost every time.” ― Louis-Ferdinand Céline, Journey to the End of the Night

Not Resolutions, Goals!

31 Saturday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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Cheers to an amazing 2023!

Cheers to an amazing 2023!

I didn’t want to make any New Year’s resolutions.  I didn’t want the pressure.  I still don’t.  But, at the same rate, I want to have goals and accomplish them.

What is the difference between resolutions and goals?  To me resolutions are just wishful thinking.  One just comes up with things they want to change, but with no set plans to get it accomplished. After one week or two into the new year, all is forgotten.

Goals are a written list of what one wants to achieve, along with detailed steps to get it done. Writing it down, and having clear steps aligns the thoughts with the actions.

As I get older, time seems finite and limited. I cannot waste it.  Whatever I want I need to get serious about getting it, doing it, accomplishing it. The time is now.

Wishing you all, old and new friends, the most amazing New Year! Wishing you blessings and miracles!

“Make New Year’s goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you’re interested in fully living life in the year to come.

Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction.

What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?

What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?

What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?

Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down – as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

Looking back – January 2022

29 Thursday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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At the office – still in the Christmas mood

Before I look to the future and talk about my plans for 2023, I want to take a look back.  Is 2022 really over?  Didn’t it just start?

I am going to look back month by month, otherwise it would be a very long post.

THIS HAPPENED IN JANUARY 2022

It was a busy month, even though I spent most of it struggling with Covid. Some of the symptoms stayed around for 3 months.  Actually, the mental fogginess and anxiety still visit every now and then.

Feeling sick, as it often does, highlights the joys of a time when one is healthy.  At that moment nothing else matters. Health is indeed our most sacred commodity!

A co-worker that I have had issues with in the past got mad at me, for no real reason, and blocked me on our internal communication chat.  I think he felt he had to have the last word.  Weeks later he unblocked me because he needed something.  I then blocked him, not as revenge but as a protection of the peace of not having to chat with him had afforded me.  We now communicate only via email when it is absolutely necessary.

I learned that no matter how much I try, some people will not like me.  I learned that sometimes the best communication is no communication at all. I also learned that forgiving is a virtue, but forgetting can be dangerous.  We have to set up and enforce boundaries to protect our emotional being.

After canceling a date with the Greek because of Covid, we eventually met for the 4th date.  I was really not feeling any chemistry, but since I said I would treat him for his birthday I felt I needed to go.  I was hoping we could be friends.  That night we disagreed on a couple of topics, but as we ended the night, I thought he understood and accepted friendship.

After that, he diminished the number of texts, so I assumed he had gotten the message.  More about him in March.

People will sometimes assume things about me. It is not on me; it is on them.  I cannot force anyone to understand me. I know who I am.  That is enough.

The infamous EX-boyfriend (the cause for the start of this blog 10 years ago) reached out with a weird text about the sauna in his house.  I did what I always do.  I ignored him.  And blocked him.

He no longer has any effect on me. It took me years to put my heart back together after him.  It all passes and I grow stronger and stronger.

I reconnected with an older woman, my mom and I had met in Israel.  It is good to reconnect with people that brings us good memories.  It brightened her day and mine.

I just called her today.  She is now 90 years old.  She was so happy to hear from me. She is such a kind soul.  

I need to remember the good souls from my past and do more of an effort of reaching out. Human connections are important, specially the ones that make my heart sing!

I finally got my floors finished and, and in the process the noise disturbed my neighbors.  I had notified the building management, but they had failed to notify the neighbors.  Instead of getting mad, I knocked on the neighbor’s door with a bottle of wine and a smile as an apology.  They were surprised.

We are now great friends. My sister and I are now included in their get-togethers.

It is often better to take the high road.  It definitely better to be happy than to be right!  It is hard to fight the instinct to fight, not to be perceived as weak and a doormat. But I choose to pick my battles.  Not everything requires a fight. Sometimes is better to solve issues with a bottle of wine and a smile.

That was a summary of January 2022. February coming next.

Being ok with disappointment

13 Tuesday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were.” – Brad Warner

I am still sad and disappointed over Brazil’s loss at the World Cup! It is stupid, it is just a game, but why does it hurt so much?

To us Brazilians it feels bigger than a just a game.  It is our identity.  I grew up thinking Brazil was the best soccer team in the world.  We had something of our own to be proud of.

But, Friday, we didn’t play the jogo bonito (beautiful game).  The players looked tired. It was definitely not a good day for us.  Actually, we haven’t played well in many, many years. We have been living in the past.

I sound like a hardcore soccer fan.  I am not.  But when it is the World Cup, I love everything about it.  Specially thinking that Brazil may triumph.

What to do when you are disappointed about something that you have no control of?  Not much.  I did what I often do with feelings that are hard to deal with. I confront them. I acknowledge them. I sit with them in discomfort.

I acknowledged that I was disappointed.  I accepted the loss and accepted that it hurt.  Brazil lost fair and square, no one to blame.  There was no anger, just sadness.

The best team that day won.  And unfortunately the best team was not Brazil.  Kudos to Croatia!

Now what?  Now we wait another 4 years to try again.  It is life, and we move on. Now we have 4 years to think about what went wrong, make better choices and try again.

The World Cup 2022 has lost some of its flavor for me, but I will still tune in and root for the underdogs. Go Morocco! May they make history and go all the way!

“When we refuse to work with our disappointment, we break the Precepts: rather than experience the disappointment, we resort to anger, greed, gossip, criticism. Yet it’s the moment of being that disappointment which is fruitful; and, if we are not willing to do that, at least we should notice that we are not willing. The moment of disappointment in life is an incomparable gift that we receive many times a day if we’re alert. This gift is always present in anyone’s life, that moment when ‘It’s not the way I want it!” ― Charlotte Joko Beck