“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”― Thomas Jefferson
She is not perfect, but she knows it and she is proud of her uniqueness. She is larger than life, in her mind and size. If you look at her and make a wish, it will come true!
“When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.”― Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson
“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” ― Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men
“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” ― Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”― Dalai Lama XIV
“But what really matters is not what you believe but the faith and conviction with which you believe…” ― Knut Hamsun, Mysteries
Time: 12pm
Place: Chat 19, Larchmont, NY
Weather: Cold and drizzling
Date: 57 year old businessman
Beforehand: We have exchanged messages on and off for the past few months. I knew he was not the best at making conversation but I thought that in person things would flow. I figured that we could tap in some things we have in common. We are both immigrants. He speaks French, and I am learning French. He loves soccer and I do too. His business is similar to mine. He has traveled to some of the same places I have.
My First sight: He looked like his pictures. Not the best looking, and I am fine with that. I don’t want good looking. I want interesting, funny, with things to talk about, and serious about making a connection. He was none of those things.
His first sight: He commented that I looked good. As he was saying that he reminded of the Big Bad Wolf looking at Little Red Riding Hood.
Sitting: I wanted to sit inside. He wanted to sit outside. We sat outside. A lot things don’t bother me, so we sat outside. I immediately took up my long flowing hair into a bun. Not 10 minutes later we had to move inside once the rain got heavier with sideway winds.
My Ordering: Besides where to sit, this was another sign of trouble. I am very specific when I order because I want to eat/drink exactly what I want and don’t want to send anything back. I asked for half a cup of coffee with a side of whipped cream. The waitress seemed confused with that order and started offering other drinks instead, such as a cappuccino, etc. I insisted on my order. He made faces and gave me the impression that he thought I was being high maintenance. So I asked if that was what he was thinking and he confirmed.
His Ordering: While perusing the menu he mentioned that he wanted to substitute the goat cheese in an omelet with Swiss cheese. When the waitress came, he didn’t say that. So, I asked him if he didn’t want another cheese instead of goat cheese. He said no, that was fine, he didn’t want to be difficult.
My food: I enjoyed my coffee with delicious mini scones that were in the bread basket. By the time my bacon cheeseburger and fries arrived I had had enough. Of him and scones. I took only one bite of my burger and took the rest home for dinner.
His food: He barely touched his omelet. He made all kinds of faces at the omelet and said it was not good, it was too strong, and he should have gone with the Swiss cheese. I said I told you so. I am normally not the type to say that, but I couldn’t resist.
The conversation: What conversation? It was mostly him ranting about the state of the country, about the lack of immigration policies, and all sorts of political stuff. None of which I felt like talking about on a first date. I tried discussing other things such as soccer and travels, but those didn’t go far. Then I gave up and waited for the end, knowing that it would be soon.
The aftermath: Thankfully, it was a short date, as we barely touched our food. He had mentioned wanting to go watch a soccer game, so I used that as an excuse to hurry up and leave. When I got home I had a text from him saying he had a good time and saying we need to meet up again. What? NO!! Was I there?
“Be believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley
My advice to him on his next first date:
Don’t drive over 1 hour to meet someone if you are in a bad mood. It is best to say you are sick and cancel it.
Let the lady choose where to sit.
Ask the lady some questions. If you don’t have anything nice to say or don’t know how to make conversation ask questions.
Don’t talk politics or any sensitive subjects on the first date.
Don’t make her feel like she is being high maintenance, specially if you have any intentions of asking her on a second date.
My advice to myself on my next first date:
Who am I kidding, No advice, I am perfect 😊
Continue being yourself
Continue asking for what you want
Continue knowing your worth
Continue being high maintenance and ordering what you want, how you want
1 advice, next time insist on where to sit
In the end, I am glad I went, so I can move on to the next, knowing he was not the one.
I want to be looked at like I am the only person that matters in the world at that moment. To the right guy I am not high maintenance, I am quirky. He will not be slobbering while looking at me, he will have a twinkle in his eye. He will be interested in what I have to say. He will ask questions and not rant about all that is wrong in the world. Because, sitting in front of him, is all that is right in the world. And for that guy I am willing to wait forever and a day!
“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.” ― Albert Einstein
I have a love-hate relationship with online dating. I love the idea of being proactive and not sitting around waiting for someone to knock on my door. I love meeting people that I wouldn’t normally meet on my day to day life.
I dislike a lot about it. I hate all the catfish and fake profiles. I hate the people that are not serious about meeting someone. I hate the time and energy that I need to put into it to come away with one or two good dates.
At the moment, I am only on OKCupid. It is by far the dating site I like the least. I have been on E-harmony, Plenty of Fish and Match prior to OKC. I am normally able to find interesting people to meet, but so far here it has been slim pickings.
Perhaps I shouldn’t blame only the site. I can blame Covid. I need to take some of the blame also. I go through phases. Phases of putting more energy into it, and phases of not having patience for it. Lately, I lack time, energy and patience.
“You walk like others? You talk like others? You think like others? Then the world doesn’t need you because others are already abundant in the world! Be original!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan
Here are some of the reasons why I chose not to meet someone after we matched online and started exchanging messages:
All he did was badmouth his ex-wife. I didn’t ask or invited the topic, but he kept finding reasons to mention her. I don’t appreciate that.
HIs finances are a disaster. He volunteered that he has tons of credit card bills and lost his home due to overspending. I appreciated the honesty, but don’t want to embark on that sinking ship.
He lived too far and expected me to drive to him to meet for the first time. He said we could meet by a coffee shop near the highway. How was that supposed to be enticing to me, I will never know.
He never called me by name. It was always honey, sweetie, babes, etc, in a way that felt condescending. It just rubbed me the wrong way.
He was a show off and thought he knew it all. I couldn’t get a word in. It was all about his exotic vacations, expensive cars and artwork. It was all very unattractive to me.
He couldn’t make conversation or form a sentence. In texting it was only abbreviations and slangs. There was never any real conversation.
He was too young. Even though he seemed like a great person, more than 20 years difference is just too young. Tempting, very tempting.
He lied about being older. After sharing phone numbers and scheduling a date, I found out that he was over 70 years old. On his profile it said he was 62. I didn’t appreciate only finding that out because I asked. What else was he not telling me?
He was too slow to respond. He said he was very busy, only sending a message on the app every other week. I am very busy, but if someone interests me, I make the time.
He wanted to speak on the phone and text forever, always being too busy to meet. I don’t want nightly phone calls with somebody I never met and doesn’t have time to meet.
He had 5 kids by 3 different women. It just felt too much for me.
“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense. (xxvi)” ― Eve Ensler, I Am an Emotional Creature
Here are some of the reasons why they chose not to meet me or continue exchanging messages:
I didn’t want to give him my phone number right away. I like to know something about the person before speaking on the phone or texting. His initial message was: Hi, what is your number?
I mentioned I don’t pay or split the check on a date, specially the first date. He said that I am not a modern woman.
I was not willing to have a first date at his house. He said I was uptight and not fun.
I didn’t want to talk on the phone every night. He felt I was not interested in him enough.
I was too much of an adventurist. I said in my profile that I was adventurous. What is adventurist anyway?
I was not interested in his attempts at sexting. He said he was looking for someone more fun.
I was vaccinated. The moment he found out I was vaccinated all he did was talk about Eugenics and depopulation agenda.
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” ― Margaret Mead
Am I too picky, or perhaps just overqualified for the job of girlfriend? I am happy as is, and that makes it difficult to add a person to that situation.
It is a matter of what feels good to me and my heart. Who makes my heart sing, who makes me feel comfortable and at home. Who makes me feel special. Perhaps I am antiquated in my dating views, but I am sure there is an antiquated guy out there for me.
Someone pointed out to me at this rate I am going to end up alone. I joked: “That is not a problem. I love my own company”. Well, I do!
And on that note, I am leaving now for a brunch date. Will report late.
“Journey to the Heart of Beauty; do not be obsessed with mental and egoic ideas of form and perfection. Get your hands and feet dirty, dance in the rain, and rejoice in the Life that is Living Itself through the Uniqueness of You!” ― Laurence Galian, The Sun At Midnight: The Revealed Mysteries Of The Ahlul Bayt Sufis
“Either way, he figured a cup of coffee would hit the spot. For what is more versatile? As at home in tin as it is in Limoges, coffee can energize the industrious at dawn, calm the reflective at noon, or raise the spirits of the beleagured in the middle of the night.” ― Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow
Again I am struggling to finish posts. Blame it on lack of time and lack of focus. Ideas come and go, and they fail to land on a page and be posted.
I am trying to be better and do better.
In the meantime my mosaics keep going. Here is another one. Now that I posted the pictures, I can see a lot of issues with the final product. Such as, there are some areas where I need to clean some more of the grout off. But if I am going to wait to do that first to post, this would be another post that wouldn’t see the light of the day.
Also, that is the beauty of mosaics, it is never perfect 🙂
“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”- Seinfeld
“What the hell makes you smart?” I asked. “I wouldn’t go for coffee with you.” “Listen – I wouldn’t ask you.” “That,” she replied, “is what makes you stupid.” ― Erich Segal, Love Story
“Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.” ― Cherise Sinclair, Hour of the Lion
“Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup” ― Gertrude Stein, Selected Writings
“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”-Anne Morrow Lindberg
“Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final” ― Rainer Maria Rilke
It was drizzling and cold very early this morning, when I walked to work. I didn’t bother getting an umbrella. It is always so windy around my apartment that umbrellas are useless.
I love, love this cool weather, changing into colder and colder, and then soon snow.
I love the kind of days that some people call ugly: the rainy, cold, and dark days. The best is to wake up to a day that is so dark, it is hard to tell if it is day or night. I love the way it hits me. It makes me feel alive. It feels poetic.
I once told somebody that, and he said jokingly: “What is wrong with you? You should be a vampire.” Well, I had also told him that if were not for my sister and my plants I would never open my curtains.
I love the sun, but I think there is a certain comfort and coziness in dark spaces. It is soothing. It embraces you like the welcoming arms of a lover.
It is now hours later, sunny and warm. I am grateful for this Friday. Nature is beautiful, sunny or cloudy, rain or shine, day or night.
I am feeling inspired and Rilke came to mind. The writing below is from “Letters to a Young Poet”. I believe there is a young poet inside each one of us. Sometimes the medium used is not words, but any art can be poetic.
From the poet inside of me to the poet inside of you:
“Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty – describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember.
If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds – wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it.
Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. – And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke
“I had embraced you… long before i hugged you.” ― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos
Mr. Stocks and I continue to text. Unfortunately we often have some sort of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Now, I come to find out, not only my words, but also my actions are being misunderstood.
I thought it was a pleasant hug goodbye, with a potential future. He thought it was a rejection.
The texting starts when he is letting me know about his decision about a job offer that he had been considering.
I am not sure what the next chapter will be, but I am proceeding with caution. I don’t want to hurt him or get hurt, or worst of all, damage the friendship.
I think he is more sensitive than other guys. Or perhaps more insecure, and more afraid of getting hurt.
“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.” ― Groucho Marx
He offered to pick me up and I agreed. At 7pm he was standing outside my building. We smiled and hugged. It felt familiar and comfortable.
He drove a small, vintage, or just old, Porsche. One of those cars that is hard to get in and out of it. It reminded me of my old vintage Mercedes. It even smelled the same: a combination of old leather and burning oil.
I asked him to choose the restaurant. He chose a French one called Le Provencal, located in Mamaroneck. So happens, it is the same restaurant ex took me for my birthday on our second date.
On the way there I told him that and he offered to go someplace else. I wanted to go there anyway and make new memories.
When we got there the restaurant was empty, so we got to choose our table. He wanted a table in the middle, but I opted for one in a corner. It felt cozier. It was the right choice.
The meal: We both had a cocktail made of elderberry. It was delicious. We shared an onion and bacon tart as an appetizer. He had coq au vin with mashed potatoes and asparagus. I had John Dory fish (who knew there was a fish with that name?) with eggplant caviar and spinach. I love eggplant, so I was intrigued by the eggplant caviar. It was a major disappointment. It was a pate of eggplant with tons of cinnamon.
I didn’t want dessert at the restaurant. I got a lemon tart with raspberry coulis to take to my sister.
“I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.” ― John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men
The conversation: There was not a single boring or awkward moment. We talked about everything. We talked about work, vacations, finances, sports, etc. We had a lot fun.
We both agreed that we were having fun and that we were the same in person, as we have been in the phone, for all these years. He said I am exactly what he expected: confident, intelligent, full of life and above all, happy. He had my name listed as “Happy Ana” in his phone.
I expected to have a great time, but it was surprisingly even more fun than I expected.
At one point he asked if we were on a date. I hesitated, but then said: no. I reminded him that from the beginning he had mentioned he was not open to romance. We had become friends, and this, to me, was a dinner with a friend. He seemed disappointed, but understood.
He said that he is in a better place as of 6 months ago. I guess he forgot to mention that to me. Not that it would make a difference. He became a friend, and once that happens I am not sure I want to risk a friendship for a potential romance.
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.” ― Groucho Marx
After dinner: We decided to take a walk around and look for a place to have dessert. We went to Milk N Cookies and got some cookies to take home. Then we stop at a Paleteria and got ice cream on the way to the car.
He drove me home. He got out and opened the door for me, We hugged good bye.
Later he texted me to say what an amazing time he had. I said I did too.
“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” ― Emily Dickinson
The future: I have no idea, but I feel I met a great friend in person. We will meet up again, and hopefully it will not take another 5 years 🙂
Yesterday he sent me a video that he said reminded him of me. He said I should share it with my sister. At first I didn’t get it. My sister thought it was a commentary about the difference in our hair. Her with the crazy curly dark hair, and me with the lighter, straight hair.
He said it was not about that and explained:
He is not wrong! 🙂
“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” ― Marianne Williamson
“Everyone has the fire, but the champions know when to ignite the spark.” ― Amit Ray, Enlightenment Step by Step
This Labor Day weekend, similar to prior years, except 2020, I went to the US Open on Saturday.
I was pleasantly surprised that there were almost no lines to get in. They checked the vaccination card and tickets very quickly. There were some people with masks but the majority had no masks. It felt freeing.
This time I wasn’t too excited to attend, as my two favorite players weren’t there: Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams. I need to find new favorites.
I do have a Brazilian player left in tournament, Bruno Soares. He is in the Men’s Doubles semi-final, playing with Jamie Murray (Andy’s older brother). I am not sure who they are playing against, but I will be watching that match.
The weather was perfect. While there, we had a great lunch at The Mojito Restaurant. They make the best yucca fries. Inside the stadium we had Honey Deuce, the official drink of the US Open while watching the Novak Djokovic/Kei Nishikori match. Novak won. I was not happy. Still it was a great match.
“Life has but one true charm: the charm of the game. But what if we’re indifferent to whether we win or lose?” ― Charles Baudelaire
One new and interesting thing is that there are no line judges anymore. There is the chair umpire only. The line calls are made with the Hawk-Eye electronic line-calling. The electronic voice that yells “OUT”, can be female or male, depending on what the other courts that are near are using, so not to confuse the players.
It makes a big difference. There are no longer challenges, which eliminates a lot of the drama. I used to enjoy some of the drama though 🙂
On Sunday I went to Wegmans grocery store for the first time. It is new in my area, and some people were raving about it. It was a good store, but I don’t get excited about grocery stores. After lunch I got a back massage.
While I was getting a massage, I was just trying to relax and think of nothing. It is an impossibility for me. While fighting random thoughts, the Jewish Holiday, Rosh Hashanah came to mind. I thought to myself that I should text B. a Happy New Year.
B., is a woman that was very helpful to me in my first years in the U.S. We helped each other, but her coming into my life helped me achieve everything I have today.
Last time I texted her she didn’t reply. I don’t need a reply to text someone. I made a point of holding on to that thought to text her when my massage was over.
After the 1 hour massage, with thoughts of what is for dinner, and no longer thinking of B. I picked up my phone and I am shocked to see I have a missed call from her. At the moment I was thinking about her, she was calling me. I love the little synchronicities of the Universe. The Universe is always listening.
I called her back. She apologized for not texting back. We talked for a little bit. Everything felt right in the world.
“Our intentions attract the elements and forces, the events, the situations, the circumstances, and the relationships necessary to fulfill the intended outcome.We don’t need to become involved in the details—in fact, trying too hard may backfire.It requires attention, and it also requires detachment. Once you have created the intention mindfully, you must be able to detach from the outcome, and let the universe handle the details of fulfilment.” ― Deepak Chopra, Synchrodestiny: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence to Create Miracles
On Monday I had dinner with someone that I have been speaking online for the past 6 years, and had never met before. I am going to write about it next. Was it a good or bad meeting? Stay tuned to find out.
“If you want to do a few small things right, do them yourself. If you want to do great things and make a big impact, learn to delegate.” ― john c. maxwell
I have always struggled with asking people to do anything for me. I also struggle with letting go of control. That combination makes it very hard for me to delegate at work.
As a result I have been overworked for years; even though I do have someone to assist me.
I work for a very small firm, so I wear many hats. From being the Treasurer to being the Compliance Officer, and everything else in between. My assistant does the daily contracts.
I was doing way too much. I realized that she could do more and alleviate some of my burden. Now, slowly, I have been giving her more responsibilities, and making her accountable for some tasks.
I learned that I need to:
Give step-by-step instructions
Communicate the expected outcome
Establish clear and realistic deadlines
Have tons of patience
“Focus on what you are good at; delegate all else.” – Steve Jobs
It has been tough. A lot doesn’t get done as I would like. Relinquishing control of functions that I always took pride in is difficult. I have always felt that anything leaving my office is a reflection on me as a professional.
I am finally learning that to delegate is to learn to accept that something will not be done your way, but it will still get done. So what if an email is not written as perfect as I want? It is not the end of the world.
At work, I have been guilty of expecting people to take initiative. I expect people to see that something needs to get done and to step up and do it. Some people will never do that. Some people need to be told what to do.
It is okay. We are all different. Some people are born to lead and some are born to follow. It doesn’t make one better than the other, but it should serve as a guide to where people should concentrate their efforts.
“The more control, the more that requires control. This is the road to chaos.— PanSpechi aphorism” ― Frank Herbert, The Dosadi Experiment
In delegating, letting go of control and the need for things to be done my way, I have found some more time in my day.
I have found freedom. Freedom from the need to be perfect. Freedom from being in charge of everything.
I am finally learning to work smarter. I have not only learned to delegate, but I am also learning to say no to additional work.
Who said an old dog can’t learn new tricks?
“I’ve seen too many leaders misunderstand leadership for legacy. Even the most experienced leaders will divide instead of delegate and incite instead of unite to advance hidden personal agendas.” ― Richie Norton
“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost
My sister and I were supposed to spend last weekend in Boston, but the hurricane cut the trip short. So, instead of Sunday night we drove home Saturday evening.
We spent Saturday at Quincy Market, enjoying the sites and sounds. There are all kinds of street performers, from violin players to jugglers. So much fun and talent!
We had breakfast inside the Boston Public Markets. The bagels (Levend Bagelry) and popovers (The Popover Lady) were delicious. The coffee was just ok (George Howell).
Quincy Market
Faneuil Hall served as a meeting place of Patriots during the American Revolution. Nowadays is still used for public ceremonies, such as Citizenship Oath Ceremonies. One can feel the history walking through its doors.
We had a late lunch at State Street Provisions. We shared a little of everything, fish and chips, cheeseburger, avocado toast, street corn, salads. The food was good. The drinks were disappointing. I ordered the Triple Lindy (Vodka, Strawberry St. Germain, Yellow Chartreuse, Orgeat and Lime). It sounded amazing on paper, but it tasted boring and flavorless.
After the late lunch, we browsed an outdoors fair and bought some glass jewelry. By 7pm we were getting to my friend’s house to change to go out to dinner and more fun. That is when another friend called me and scared me with the news about hurricane Henri. He said: it will hit NY and then travel to Boston. If you don’t leave now, you may not be back until Monday or Tuesday.
I was not afraid of missing a day or two of work, but in such situations I rather be in my home and not stranded at a friend’s house.
“All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe.” ― Arthur C. Clarke, 2010: Odyssey Two
Faneuil Hall
I loved, loved, loved the harbor. It was such a beautiful sunny day. We didn’t take any boat trips or tours. We were interested in doing the Duck Boat Tour on Sunday, but that never happened. Will do that in a next trip.
I guess I should start paying more attention to the weather reports when I plan trips.
“Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential.” ― Winston Churchill
Boston Harbor
All in all it was a fun Saturday. The storm was not as bad as expected, but I don’t regret returning home. Better safe, than sorry.
“Ester asked why people are sad. “That’s simple,” says the old man. “They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 