Category Archives: Food

Same old story with same old ending

19 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)”  -louisa May Alcott

The snow on Saturday was a reminder that skiing season is here and I need to start planning my skiing vacation.

I thought about skipping skiing this season. I am out of shape and have all sorts of pain in my hip and back.  Also once again I will be traveling alone.

For a second I become sad and negative. I alternate between feeling like a victim and feeling like the perpetrator.

I am beating myself up for having had an entire year to get in shape and done nothing about it.  I had an entire year to go back to the doctor regarding my hip. One whole year to eat a little less sugar and carbohydrates.  One whole year to improve physically.  I didn’t any of it.

I had one whole year of meeting nice guys (ok some jerks too), and turned them all away.  I am mad at myself for saying no to perfectly good guys. I could have a skiing companion if I had not been so picky, if I had not been holding out for fireworks.

I am berating myself for being in this same situation yet again. Another year come and gone, and the same situation remains.  I have no one to blame but myself.  Should I just skip skiing this winter?

Will blaming myself accomplish anything?That is a resounding NO!  I realize, quick enough, that being down on myself, yelling at myself will not accomplish anything. It will only put me in a negative, pessimistic mental state. There is nothing to gain with that. It will only make matters worst.

These thoughts are not helping.  I am sending the Universe the wrong message.  These negative conversations with myself, these berating of myself only creates more negativity and powerlessness.

Thinking that I have to be in shape and have to have company to go skiing is the wrong way of thinking. Waiting for someone or waiting to be at a certain level to start doing something you love  is counter effective and the best way to never do anything at all.

So, this year again, I will do what I do every time. I will go skiing alone and not in good shape.  And I am willing to bet I will have the best time ever, as I always do.

I will stand at the top of the mountain, feeling blessed and grateful realizing the beauty of nature and the blessings of God.  I will feel invincible and humble at the same time.

I will come back with plans of getting in a better shape for next time.

I cannot do anything about the year that is ending.   All I can do is to start now and promise myself I will try harder and never give up.  It doesn’t matter if I take steps back or even remain stationary, the key is to love and be kind to myself and to know I am a work in progress and I can always change.

Here is to new beginnings, re-beginnings, planning new beginnings!  Here is loving myself and being kind to myself, skinny or fat.

“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett 

Let’s do Different!

26 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.” – Seneca

Thank you everyone for another year of putting up with my blog.  Thank you for taking time to read, for finding inspiration to comment and for the kindness in giving me advice and support.  You mean a lot, I owe you a lot! Sending huge tight grateful hugs to all!

Yesterday I went to the 5 o’clock mass.  I am very spiritual and not religious but I have been going to mass some Sundays and I wanted to go to one on Christmas Eve.  I am so blessed, I have so much to be thankful for, and going to mass has been my way of taking a separate time to thank God for all my blessings.

My boyfriend… wow it is weird to say I have a boyfriend.  After 4 years of going on endless one dates and having one disappointment after another I am trying to get used to the idea of having someone that cares about me and is not afraid to tell me often.

MF (the boyfriend) is everything I need that I didn’t know I needed.  He gives me comfort, patience, understanding.  He is totally non-judgmental and finds my brutal honesty refreshing.  I feel completely accepted!

We are leaving tomorrow on a 10 hour drive from New York to North Carolina.  We are going to spend a couple of days at his best friend’s house.  For some reason I am not concerned about this at all.  My only concern was the idea of showing up at somebody’s house empty handed, so I solved that by buying this huge Godiva Chocolate basket.  Who doesn’t like chocolate?

This week I had some realizations:

  • This relationship feels different.  It feels easy and permanent. (Even though  it will not be easy.  I know it will take work to put all the pieces together… we both have busy lives. We live 1 hour away. His 8 year old son has severe ADHD and needs more attention than most kids).  Do I like him enough to put in the work necessary?
  • I think that my brutal honesty may sometimes be too much.  I think that I may be testing him by all I say and the questions I ask. Perhaps I want to see how far I can push him.  Am I trying to push him out of the door?
  • I realized that I feel guilty anytime I eat something deemed not healthy, like sugar and carbs, and that is very much very often. Here is a new idea: Not seeing food as good or bad.  Just eat and enjoy it!
  • I realized that instead of losing the famous 10 pounds to proudly disrobe in front of the boyfriend, I am instead gaining 10 pounds and more. Is this another way of sabotaging this and/or testing him?  Since I feel he accepts me completely perhaps I am looking for proof.

Perhaps I need to stop thinking too much.  I need to get out of my head sometimes. I need to change.  And on that note I want to talk about 2016.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”  – Gautama Buddha

In a way I am glad to see 2015 coming to an end.  It was a turbulent year.  Every new year holds so much promise.  It is up to me to make 2016 the best year ever.  I plan on making it amazing since it will be the year I am turning 50. ARGHHHH just so NOT happy about turning 50!!

I want to do 2016 is different! I want to be nice to myself in 2016!

What about if we (you and I) did everything different?  I want to stop using the same old excuses.  I want to stop hiding behind this excess weight, that no one is really paying any attention to, and it is bothering only me.  I want to forget about my past failures and continue trying.  Because the old boyfriend cheated, it doesn’t mean that this one will.  Because I had to give up all exercise for one year because of a hip injury it doesn’t mean that I cannot ever be completely healthy again.

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

I want to take more chances.  I want to stop pressuring myself to be perfect and to accomplish so many things at once. All that this pressure has done is to leave me feeling like a failure.  I have done a lot and accomplished a lot and yet when I look back I see missed opportunities and areas where I could have done so much better.

I am not being fair to myself.  I want to be nice to myself.  I want to relax and enjoy the journey.  I know it is a cliche but I am so results driven that I need to have “Enjoy the journey” tattooed on my arm so I can be reminded every single moment.  If I am not getting results I think I am failing and that is not the point of life at all.  I know better.

How are you going to show up in 2016 and take ownership of your life? Are you going to stop letting others, media, internet, tv, friends and enemies dictate what you do and how do you feel about yourself? What is that one thing that scares you the most?  Just go ahead and do it!

Next time I see the boyfriend,well, tomorrow,  I think I will just take my clothes off and say: “This is it, take it or leave it!”  (stay tuned, I will let you know how that turns out…)

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

 

The wonderful world of possibilities and anticipation!

28 Sunday Jun 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

* “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

What I love most about life is the fact that the future is such a mysterious gift.  I continue to try to work hard, be positive, humble, grateful, pro-active and most important, to be present in the moment. I believe that if I continue to do my part the Universe will continue to bless me with miraculous rewards.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that there is nothing to gain for beating myself up when I make a mistake.  A mistake happens, I ponder about what I could have done different, how I will handle the same situation in the future, but most important, I try to find the lesson in the mistake so I don’t repeat it again.  In my last post I spoke about the mistake of having sex with AL.

That single mistake/lesson has been a major turning point for me.  It made me realize what I really want in life as far as romantic relationships and sex.  For me platonic friends and sex is not a good combination.   AL and I continue to text and be friends.  I continue to regard him as a great friend and as someone I can count on.  I take full responsibility for that mistake and I am grateful for the part he played in helping me learn the lessons I needed to learn.

* “We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” 

The Universe has an incredible/impeccable  timing.  Two nights after I was with AL I went on a date with someone new.  I met this guy on POF (Plenty of Fish). I will call him AS.

I decided to have a new attitude in dating now.  I will have no expectations and be open minded to everyone I meet. I will give everyone a fair chance and will try to be in the moment and already foresee the future.  I never expected that as soon as I decided to make a mental shift that I would meet someone special.

* “Your greatest self has been waiting your whole life; don’t make it wait any longer.”

I met AS at an Italian Restaurant and we decided to walk to a Vegetarian Restaurant that his sister had just visited and recommended. The food was good, but the company and conversation was exceptional. There was no lull in the conversation. He talks about the same books I have read (or meant to read :-).  He talks about Ho’oponopono (an ancient Hawaiian practice) and his experience with Shamans (spiritual healers), among many other things that not everyone is familiar with but I happen to know about it and believe in.  We are in awe of the so many things we have in common.  Our outlook in so similar, we both feel blessed and believe that the Universe conspires to bring us what we need and what we emanate.  We believe in being humble and grateful.  It feels good to talk about the things I believe in without thinking I am going to scare him or weird him out. He also loves to travel and wants to see the world – another important connection for me.

After dinner he walked me home.  In the lobby of my building he took my face in his hands, gave me a sweet peck on the lips and said he would like to see me again.  That was Wednesday night.  The next day he texted and asked me out to brunch on Sunday.

It was very hard for me to keep my excitement down.  Will a second date be equally as nice as the first or will all fall apart?

All the guys I meet end up living very far, but in this case even the logistics are perfect.  He lives 10 blocks away from where I live.  He also works 10 blocks away from my work.

The second date was even better.  We sat and talked for 3 hours.  He had to go meet friends so eventually we had to leave. Even though I live only 2 blocks away from the restaurant he said he would drive me home -I think we both wanted to spend as much time as we could together.  As we are walking to his car he asked if he could hold my hand. I said yes.  If this was any other guy I would find this request extremely corny, but with him it seemed gentle, cute and respectful.

He parked in front of my building and as I am getting ready to leap out, he said: “Hold on, let me walk you to your door” …another gentlemanly moment that makes me feel special.  At my door he says good bye with a sweet peck on my lips again as in the first date. It is amazing how sometimes times tiny gestures have a huge impact!

* “There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.”

I love that he seems so secure and so unhurried about things.  He was not all over me even though the chemistry and sexual tension is there.  It is as if he knows that something will happen but he realizes that waiting and taking it slow can only make it better.

He inspired me to get moving on my goals in life and to get back to reading all the personal growth and spiritual books I have on my bookshelf that I never seem able to finish.  He pursues education and self improvement with a determination I have never seen before.  Being inspired by my partner to become a better person is one of the ideas I have for the right person for me. Please don’t confuse my thinking he is perfect for me with thinking that is he is perfect.  No one is!   I also think that he could also learn from me.  I think I can have him laughing more, relaxing more.

* “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.” 

As expected I have been floating on this cloud of anticipation of what it is to come (being careful not to miss the present moment).  I think anticipation is okay but expectations are bad!  Still I am trying to keep all the excitement in check as there are always all kinds of impediments in new relationships.  After all we only had 3 dates and don’t really know each other.

The third date was on Thursday night.  We had decided to play ping pong since I said that I probably could beat him at that. But I will save the details of the third for the next post in the next day or so. I feel the third date deserves its own post, as insecurities, fears and self sabotage already started rearing their ugly heads. He was away this weekend to be in wedding returning on this coming Thursday.  So I had/have plenty of time to dissect and analyze every second of this third date and all I have done wrong…yes my impatience and impulsiveness got the best of me.  Dating as an Aries is tough!

* “Do not sabotage your new relationship with your last relationship’s poison.”

What I will say for now is that it seems I met my match.  My heart is singing with the melody of possibilities.

So that things don’t seem just absolutely perfect I will venture some differences between him and I: Due to his profession he is very conscious about eating, health and the world.  He is a vegetarian that tries to stay away from sugar and other ingredients deemed unhealthy.  He is extremely book smart, serious, focused and driven.  I am a street smart, sarcastic girl that loves a good bacon cheese burger and rewards herself with sweets.  I am totally unfocused with a wandering mind that lack clear goals.  Will our optimism and eternally blessed attitude be enough to bridge this gap?

* “Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” 

* All quotes are by Steve Maraboli.  He is so inspiring!

I am breaking up with a cake!

30 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me, Food

≈ 34 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

Sticky Toffee Pudding Cake

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”
― Rick Warren

I made the Sticky Toffee Pudding Cake.  It was a success since it looked and tasted like Sticky toffee Pudding cake is supposed to taste.   It was gooey and delicious, but right after I ate it still felt it was not quite the taste I was looking for. It felt like something was missing. I felt empty and I felt nauseous.

Even when I was lying in bed before drifting off to sleep, I was feeling a bit troubled and disappointed in myself.  I was disappointed that after having someone buy and send me the cake mix and then taking the time to make it and have it come out correctly I was still not happy with it. I was troubled that I was making a big deal out of a cake.

In the darkness and quiet of that moment it dawned on me that I will never find a sticky toffee pudding cake I will be completely satisfied and happy with.  There will never be one as good as I remembered as I realize I have been searching for a feeling and not a taste!  The taste of the cake was right but the feeling was not.

Sticky toffee pudding cake is a cake that I discovered one day while shopping with Ex. I remember eating it at a time I felt I was in paradise. I was happy, well I am always happy, but I felt I was living my long awaited fairy-tale. Sitting on the couch with Ex while eating the warm cake was to me the definition of comfort, happiness and security.

After that realization I cannot even look at the cake I made again, let alone eat it.  I gave half to a friend and I will give the rest to my co-worker.

I am officially giving up my search for the perfect Sticky Toffee Pudding cake as I realized I will never find it.  I have been searching for the wrong thing.

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”
― Lyndon B. Johnson

I am annoyed that all of sudden Ex pops in my mind uninvited. All of a sudden I have to deal with feelings that I thought were long gone. All of a sudden I miss him or this idea of him.

I realize that the past is bound to return every now and then.  It doesn’t mean regression.  It means I get to see how far I have come and how those memories don’t affect me as much as before.  I am not attaching any special meaning to those few and far between memories.  I miss him for that one second and I readily and happily move on.

I don’t want Ex or the life I had with him back.  I still  think it was a wonderful time and I am glad for having had that moment in my life. But like everything in life it had an expiration date.

Nothing lasts forever, good or bad, and for that I am grateful!

This cake episode helps me realize that more often than not I am not physically hungry, but emotionally hungry.  I need to stop, or at least tone it down, my vision of food as happiness and comfort and see it more as fuel.

oh stupid me thinking that Sticky Toffee Pudding cake could ever be as good as chocolate and/or cake.

 “My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.” ― Steve Maraboli

More kindness and less assumptions!

10 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Food

≈ 39 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Mom is here!  That means a few casino trips and at least one long weekend at the Foxwoods Casino and also Mohegan Sun (they are located 15 minutes apart so it is impossible to go to one and not stop at the other).

I decided to take Ex’s mother with us.  My mother and I enjoy her company and we thought it would be a nice for her to take a break from some issues that she has been dealing with.  Yes call me crazy, but I still have a relationship with his mother.  At times I have questioned this decision but ultimately I decided that I didn’t need to punish the mother for the sins of the son.

She will mention him and also the girlfriend every now and then, but overall we don’t discuss him.  She has made it clear that she would like to see me back in his life.  I also made it clear that it will never happen, that I wish him happiness and that is the end of the story.  Throughout the last 3 years my feelings have been evolving.  In the beginning when she spoke about him my feelings were of sadness and pain, and then there was anger, now it alternates between indifference and joy.  I feel blessed not to be in his life right now and to be free from all his life entails (the good and the bad).

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

The weekend was fun even though we didn’t win any money.  We didn’t lose either so that is a major win in my view!  Casinos are entertainment, to make money I go to work.   I only take whatever money I can afford to lose and make the most out of it.

We had tickets to see Michael Amante, a singer that I had never heard of.  I was we took and chance and went.  I found him very talented and entertaining.  I like that he talked to the audience and that he gave us some insight on his life and on the songs he sang. He explained he sings only about love.  He sang a little from everyone from Elvis Presley and Tony Bennett to music from Puccini and the Phantom of the Opera.

We also enjoyed great meals!  I really enjoy the restaurants there, especially at Mohegan Sun.  My mother adores the bread pudding on the buffet at Season’s so we always make a stop there.

The was an interesting episode during lunch at the buffet.  The waitress was not friendly.  She was not mean either, she was just serious.  She was probably my age, but looked older (I think that smiling people always look younger).   There was none of the “My name is ___ and I will be your server today”.  When I asked for a mixture of cranberry, orange and grapefruit juices she gave me a weird look.  I assumed she didn’t like her job and perhaps should look for another profession.  Well, I thought to myself, this is a buffet so we don’t really need a waitress other than for the drinks.

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov

Halfway through our meal I looked at the table next to us and saw that this couple got up and left on the table 2 dollar bills!  I was shocked that they would leave only a $2.00 tip. We are at a casino and this couple probably threw money away gambling and all they left was 2 dollars?  I know I was being a tad judgmental, and perhaps the waitress was not the nicest in the world, but she was doing her job.  I felt extremely bad and even before we were finished eating I called her over and gave her a $20.00 tip.  I normally would have left 20% or $5.00 per person whichever was higher, so giving her $20 was not crazy, but clearly was more than the table next to me. She thanked me and I went back to finishing my lunch.

We finished and got up to leave.  The waitress come after me and taps me on the shoulder.  I turned around and she hugs me and tells me how much she appreciated the tip. She looked like she would start to cry at any second.  I said I appreciated her work and felt bad that the table next to me had left so little. She wished me luck and I walked away.

I was shocked as that seemed to come out of nowhere.  I felt good that my simple gesture made an impact on her.  But more than that, this showed me that I should not ever be so quick to judge and assume anything about others.  I should always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I don’t want to make excuses for her as I still think that everyone in the service industry should always have a smile on their faces, but we don’t always have the whole picture.  Not everyone is able to hide the pain and troubles they are going through. We never know what battles someone is fighting, even if they are putting up a happy front.

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one…just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

When we returned I dropped Ex’s mom at one of his businesses since I don’t want to go to his house (she moved in with him after leaving her Midwest home in February).  I actually would be totally indifferent seeing him, but I don’t want to see C. (the dog).  I miss C. immensely and I know he misses me.  I don’t want him to think I am returning only to abandon him all over again.

Later Ex’s Mom texted me to thank me for the great weekend and she added: “You make it fun to live!”  I thought that was such a great compliment.

I leave you with a song that Michael Amante sang – it reminds me that I should go see more operas:

 

Where there is Faith, all is not lost!

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me, Food

≈ 31 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

How do I move on from a mistake?  That is the question that has been the topic of most of my thoughts lately. I am not talking about Ex, relationships mistakes or anything like that.  on a side note, I am getting up and doing a happy dance right now for realizing that Ex no longer populates my thoughts and controls my actions. Has the big day finally come that I am free from him?  oh I smell another topic coming. lol

I am talking about little daily actions that amount to big disappointments.  I am talking about little mistakes that normally would not mean much, but it accumulates to the point of disaster.  I am talking about my actions in regards to diet and exercise lately.  It has been a roller-coaster of little accomplishments and broken promises. I am talking about

I normally say I am the easiest and most forgiving person on myself, but lately I am wondering if the opposite is not more of the truth.  My little sabotaging ways could actually signal that I don’t really like myself.  Otherwise, why persist on behavior that is damaging to myself?

Last night I had a cupcake the size of my head and didn’t exercise.  I had had half a huge cupcake and immediately was mad with myself.  The smart and right thing to do was to say to myself: ok, that was not smart, but it is not the end of the world. Now get up and do at least a few minutes on the elliptical or go for a walk, something active.  But NO,  what I did was to feel miserable and to feel like all had gone to hell in a hand-basket.  And since all had gone to hell I may as well have the rest of the cupcake. So I did, while sitting on the couch and watching TV.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – ― Gautama Buddha

I seem to be having more and more episodes like that, where I know what I should do but I don’t do it. Are those the actions of someone that loves themselves?  It doesn’t seem so.  I am not saying I don’t love myself, I do, well I hope I do.  I am saying that I need to look more into my actions and their consequences.

All of a sudden I seem to have embarked into this love affair with food.  What is up with that?  I always loved sugar, but now that love is out of control, and it has traveled beyond the usual chocolate, it seems I am attracted to anything unhealthy.  It is becoming an obsession.

I overeat or eat something that is not good for me, then I promise myself to do better next day and what do I do the next day?  I repeat this damaging pattern. I keep doing it again, not exactly the same actions, but the same results. I will overindulge in some calorie laden treat and then no exercise or exercise very little. The result has been disatrous. I see it on the scale and in my mood and attitude.  I have returned to tennis lesson despite my nagging hip, but 1 hour a week of real sweat can hardly do anything to counter the effects of sitting on my behind the whole day at work.

“It’s not worth our while to let our imperfections disturb us always.” -― Henry David Thoreau

This is clearly a case of emotional eating.  I will have a nice delicious meal of salmon, brown rice and broccoli and then immediately after, when I know I am not hungry, I will be looking for a snack. Why?

I am trying to look into it deeper than to just think that I am in a lazy rut and need to snap out of it.  I am thinking that this is perhaps a defense mechanism.  Perhaps if I get fatter and hate my body so much I will feel too ashamed to ever be naked in front of anyone.  If I am too embarrassed to be naked in front of someone than I will avoid actually meeting someone.  Is this a warped way that my mind has found to protect my heart?

Clearly I am full of theories but have no answers.  But I have powerful allies on my side: the gift of faith and redemption. We have been blessed with the continuity of life, with the gift of life.  With each new breath we can reinvent and recreate ourselves.  Each new morning presents a new opportunity to try again.  We don’t have to be stuck on the mistakes of the past.  This crazy cycle doesn’t have to continue.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ― Maya Angelou

I just need to get into my head that one little misstep doesn’t mean the battle is over.  I just need to put one foot in front of another, hold my head high and move forward.  I shall not feel disheartened by steps backwards either.  Sometimes we need one or more steps backwards to shake us out of our comfort zone, to wake us up.

This was a very hard post to write.  Harder still to post it.  I am a very strong Aries woman, I feel blessed and I choose to be happy.  I have it all together, for the most part.  I have a life that many would envy, so to acknowledge weakness is painful.  But, as they say in AA, acknowledging I have a problem is the first step.  So hello All, I have an issue with food!  Now I get to raise my sleeves and get to work in dealing with it.  I now get to prove what I am really made of.

The people that have a normal, healthy relationship with food may not understand this post, me and my weakness with food, the same way I don’t quite grasp people with issues with alcohol and drugs or perhaps an abusive relationship. I have never tried drugs, I am perfectly content with just one glass of wine and the moment somebody raises their voice or hand I am out of there. It seems so easy to say:  Just don’t do it, just stay away from it! But it is not that simple, we are all addicts, we just use different drugs to numb our pain.  For some reason or another we let something, some substance to control us.

But what is this pain? What is this hunger?  How do I find its source and go about conquering? Slowly, one breath at a time, with stumbles and falls and with the grace and help from God(Universe, Light, Powerful Being, etc)

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. – Mother Teresa

 

Overdose of Cheese Bread, Soap Operas and Casino, a bit of Broadway and a couple of paintings

14 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Food, Mosaic and other crafts, Reviews

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

My Mom’s stay in the US came to an end last week.  One month went by so fast.

When Mom is here I get the Brazilian Channel so she can watch her soap operas.  Soap operas in Brazil are huge! They are always on prime time TV and almost everyone watches and talks about them, that includes men and children also. Unlike in the US where a soap opera lasts forever until canceled, in Brazil a soap opera lasts around 6 months.  They tend to be a bit melodramatic and overacted.

The best part for me is the scenery.  Getting to see my Brazil is always a plus.  They are always filmed on location, never on studios. In some cases they introduce Brazilians to new cultures.  In the current soap opera, “Salve Jorge”, all things Turkey are introduced, as it is filmed in some turkish cities.  It is also filmed in Rio de Janeiro, which because of  the landscape makes it one of the most beautiful and recognizable cities in the world in my opinion.  The name of the soap opera is a reference to Saint George.  I am not sure the complete connection but I know that the main character is devout of Saint George.

All of a sudden Brazilians are doing the Turkish veil dance, drinking raki and wearing turkey inspired fashion.  I am sure Brazilians will be choosing Turkey as a travel destination more now.  The same thing happened a couple of years ago with the soap opera “Caminho das Indias” when everything Indian became all the rage in Brazil, and with others before that.

Truth is I think Brazilians watch too much TV, and TV has such an incredible power to influence Brazilians. I would say that TV influences every day life in Brazil more then any other country in the world.  At least some authors are using this powerful medium to instruct as well as entertain.  In Salve Jorge, human trafficking and black market adoptions (specifically stolen babies) are the major theme, so kudos to Gloria Perez, the author,  for exposing such atrocities and forcing Brazil to face it instead of sweeping it under the rug.

Normally as soon as Mom leaves I call the cable company and turn it off, but this time I will still have it on until Friday.  Friday is the last day of this soap opera, so I may as well finish it. 🙂

Casinos

Another place Mom and I go are the casinos.  I used to have a lot luck gambling, but not lately. Perhaps that is why I don’t enjoy them as much, but I still go many times when mom is here since she enjoys them so much.  We now have one 20 minutes from home, so we don’t have to go all the way to Connecticut or New Jersey.

Broadway

We always try to make to one Broadway musical and this time we went to Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella. I will not go into a full review here, and will just say that it did not disappoint, we both enjoyed it.  The costumes were beautiful and the Prince was charming in a goofy way.  The best part for me was Cinderella’s dress changing in front of our eyes and I still cannot explained how they did it.  Mom says it is magic, I say it is Broadway.

Cinderella always have a way to make me both sad and happy. Sad because I realize that I have no Prince Charming next to me and happy because it makes anything seem possible.

Cheese Bread

My freezer is stocked up with soups, rices, meats, cakes, in sum, an assortment of cooked meals and desserts to last a couple of months.  Mom enjoys feeling she is taking care of her little baby.  Pão de Queijo, cheese bread, well it is more like a cheese puff, is one of those treats.  It is made with tapioca flour.  Growing up I didn’t care for them, now they taste like Brazil to me.

Paintings

Mom turned 78 while she was here and she likes to say that not knowing how long she has left she needs to hurry up and leave her kids with memories of her.  That to her means leaving us with some of her crafts.  Mom is amazingly talented with her hands. Some of her crafts are hand stitched dish towels, macrame bath towels, crochet vests and tablecloths, knit scarves, paintings, etc.

This time she left me with 2 oil paintings:

A fun renditions of a Brazilian Favela located in Rio de Janeiro, as you can tell by the Christ the Redeemer atop the Corcovado Mountain.

Favela

A young shy couple from the Brazilian northeastern region, as you can tell by the foot and hat wear and by the cacti.

Shy Couple

I am blessed with the energetic, talented, full of life mother that I have.  May I be able to be less critical and open to fully learn all she has to teach.

March 28 …. A wonderful day to be born!

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Food

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Today is my birthday (and my twin sister’s also, of course 🙂 ) the best part about having a twin is having a partner for life! No matter how far apart we live or what is going on in our lives I know she is there and she adores me like I adore her!

Normally on my birthday I want to run and hide.  In the past I wished people would just forget about it.  But this year is different!  For some reason I want to celebrate it! Let’s face it, how many times am I going to turn 47? Only once! So we may as well make it memorable.

Last night I was taken for an awesome dinner at Xaviars on the Hudson.  Peter Kelly, the chef, himself took our order.  The service was impeccable, the food was delicious, and the view amazing, it is right on the water (why didn’t I take a picture?).

CowboyRibEye

Here is what I had:

Composed “BLT” Salad
Iceberg Lettuce with Green Goddess Dressing
Grilled Slab Bacon & Beef Steak Tomatoes

Aged & Grilled Cowboy Rib Eye
with Sauce Béarnaise, Brown Sugar & Cayenne Crust

Creamed Spinach and Potato Gratin

Carnaroli Risotto – Wild Mushrooms and Red Wine Syrup

Crispy Cauliflower – Nuoc Cham Butter

3 desserts (on my birthday only 1 wouldn’t do it)

Warm Valrhona Chocolate Cake
Grand Marnier Ice Cream & Orange Confit

Frozen Caramel Soufflé
Served with Warm Cardamom Donuts

Pistachio Dariole with Chocolate
Pistachio Mousse & Milk Chocolate Ice Cream

Perhaps I overate 🙂 It is now 2 pm the following day and I still haven’t been able to eat a thing – not even my beloved bread and butter for breakfast!

I even passed on the traditional Crumbs cupcake we normally get at the office – I took a rain check and will have them when I come back from my trip.

Tonight I am going to another awesome restaurant, well I think it will be awesome, but I wasn’t told where we are going yet.  I hope to have my appetite back by then.

Tomorrow I am off to Brazil!!! On Sunday we will be having a barbecue to celebrate our birthday, followed by the most awesome chocolate cake one can ever dream of!

Did I ever tell you how crazy good are the bakeries and cake stores in Brazil? They are divine!

I just got a surprise delivery from Blissful Brownies!! I love surprises!  It came from this guy I dated probably 6/7 years ago and all of a sudden he calls me at the office last week.  I haven’t seen him yet and I am trying to remember why I broke up with him.  I asked him and he says that I told him that I had too much going on in my life and needed time to work things out and then I just never called him again. I don’t remember any of it.  I remember he is younger than I am, so maybe that is the reason, but I would have told him that.

Oh well, at any rate, now I will probably have to give him the courtesy of buying me a dinner/drink! One thing I know is if it didn’t work back then it is probably not going to work now – I am older, wiser, know what I want and my standards are much higher!

This post should be entitled Food, Food and more Food!!  Oh well it is my birthday after all, so today I am choosing to focus on the gift of my life and how blessed I am!

I will worry about work issues, hip pain, refinancing gone wrong, and other headaches tomorrow.

Today is party time!

Is the point of a holiday dinner to bring employees close together?

14 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food, Reviews

≈ 39 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

We had our holiday dinner on Tuesday night.

It was a repeat of the previous years, which means great place, great food and drunken co-workers (and the boss) behaving badly.

We went to Pietro’s Restaurant in Manhattan, NY.  It is a first class Italian Restaurant.  Every single dish was amazing, and we pretty much had every single item on the menu. (our bill attests to that!!)

There were 14 of us, 12 male and 2 females.

Unfortunately, as it is always the case, the guys leave work at 3:30pm and head to a bar and start drinking.  By the time dinner time arrives they are already drunk.

It is sad that, after being in this male dominated industry for over 20 years, I have gotten used to this behavior.  I pretty much ignore it and leave the party/dinner when it gets too much or when management throw us out.

These are not happy drunks talking and singing too loud.  No, no, no, these are obnoxious, rude, crude, totally unaware of their surroundings kind of drunk.

There were complaints from some of the other tables, but the waiters never said anything to us.  My boss goes there all the time.  His bills are normally very high and he tips generously, so they were probably more patient than usual.

A very drunken co-worker got up before dinner was over and announced that he was going home, but not before he loudly told 2 co-workers that they didn’t know how to broker (that is our profession),  told another 3 that he didn’t like them and told a last one that he will eventually kick his behind (well, he said “ass” but since I am a lady I couldn’t repeat that).   The next morning he conveniently didn’t remember any of it!

I was happy to see him go and things calmed down a bit after that, but we were still too loud.

The sober ones left right after dessert while the drunken ones went bar hopping.  That is, after 2 of them got into a physical altercation outside the restaurant and had to be restrained by the others, not once but 3 times as they walked one block.  I was happy I was not there to witness that.  Fights scare me, and in this case I would have been terribly angry too.

I am happy to report that things at work have been peaceful.

I think next year I am putting my foot down: I will not attend dinner if they start drinking ahead of dinner time.

One bright note: I have a huge piece of chocolate cake and tiramisu in my fridge that I brought home from the restaurant.  Sugar always brightens my day and my mood!

I hate to sound judgmental but why do grown men, and women for that matter, have to drink until they are no longer in control of their actions?  I guess that is the control freak in me asking.  Is their lives so bad that they have to escape it?

That is one of the reasons I never got drunk and never smoked anything in my life, I am terrified of losing control!  Plus I am already high on life, and if you throw some dancing music in there then that is the icing on the cake! well throw in some cake and the room really starts to turn!!

So if the point of a holiday dinner is to bring employees close together my company is totally missing the point! Yelling, name calling, fighting should not be a part of it!  Why can we just be like other companies with some good old fashioned terrible dancing and/or making out with someone you shouldn’t?

 

Just a Ray LaMontagne kind of night

21 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

Tonight was certainly a different Tuesday.  Instead of Zumba and Yoga, there was Lemon Drop Martini and Ray LaMontagne.

I almost had a whole glass of Lemon Drop Martini! I am one of those people that takes 2 hours to have 1 drink and since the show was set to start at 8 and it was already 7:30 when we ordered I knew there would be some left.  But it was sweet and refreshing and the perfect amount!

The show was at the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, NY.   The theater was beautifully renovated, the sound was amazing!

We got there and of course the show had already started so we missed the first song, and it was probably the one that I like most:

The show was great! It was only him and a bass player.  His passion and love for music is contagious.  A great experience to watch his show live in an this beautiful venue.

And if you don’t know who Ray LaMontagne is, I think that you have at least heard one of his songs:

After a fun night it is now time for bed. Tons of things to do tomorrow.