Category Archives: Food

From Famine to Feast

17 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food, Reviews

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“Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances. ” ― Maya Angelou

After no dates for a while, I had 2 dates in 2 days.

The guy that I called “The Disingenuous” on the prior post invited me to go see Steely Dan.  I had not blocked him because I sensed that he was harmless and just perhaps a little misguided. I mentioned to him that I didn’t think he was serious about meeting because of what he had done before.

He apologized, and said it was not his intention to appear that he was playing games.  I said ok, and he quickly got the tickets and then asked for restaurant suggestions.  I gave him a couple of names and he booked a place that I like, Sonora Restaurant.

We met near The Capitol in Port Chester, that was where Steely Dan was playing.  From there we went together to the restaurant.  It was a gorgeous evening, so we sat outside.  We shared several small plates instead of ordering an entrée.  It just felt faster that way, as we had the concert to go to. 

We shared different tacos, eggplant meatballs, yucca fries, quinoa cakes, etc. To drink I had the Brazilian Cosmopolitan, made with blood orange vodka.  He had iced tea.  He quit drinking. He said he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, he just feels he doesn’t need it. Everything was delicious and the conversation flowed. 

“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The theater is beautiful and the concert was great.  Even though I really didn’t grow up listening to Steely Dan, I recognized a few songs.  They didn’t play their most famous one, and the one that I knew the most, Rikki Don’t Lose My Number.   The entire band was amazing. Every single one so talented!!

After the concert, he walked me to my car and we hugged goodbye.  It was the strongest hug I ever received.  The jury is still out if that was a good or bad thing.  I am thinking he was just eager.

We have texted back and forth for a little bit.  I am not sure if we will see each other again.  He is 60 years old, but looks younger. He has been married twice, and has 3 kids, the 2 youngest are 10 years old.  He works as some type of smart home/alarm sales – not sure exactly the details.  Maybe it is worth a second date.  I didn’t really feel much chemistry. I am just not sure.

“The beauty of God is in the wind, in the movement of the ocean, it is in the eyes of a woman gazing at her lover, pouring the deep red wine of love from her eyes like two crystal cups. There is a God who dances and who loves and who longs to sing of love…And I mean that God is music; all inclusive, benevolent and life-affirming, unashamed human emotion.”― Jeff Buckley

On Saturday I went on a date with a 58 years semi-retired engineer.  He has been divorced for 3 years and has 2 grown sons.  We went to an awesome restaurant called Harvest on Hudson.  It was facing the Hudson River.  The location was gorgeous and the food so yummy.  

I had an awesome cocktail, that I don’t recall the name, but it had passion fruit and Aperol in it. He had vodka soda. I had cod fish fritters for appetizer and eggplant for the entrée.  He had meatballs, and then linguine. For dessert I had the tiramisu, and it was probably the best I ever had. 

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” ― Mark Twain

He must have said I was beautiful at least 10 times. Not only to me, but to the hostess, to the bartender, to the waiter, to anyone we interacted with.  He also loved my dress and my glasses.

After dinner we walked by the river, then to my car.  We hugged good bye with a quick peck on the lips.  I forgot to mention, when I first met him, it seemed he was going for my lips and I turned so he gave me a peck on the cheek. In my book, when upon meeting someone, peck on the cheek is ok and the norm, on the lips no.  Yes, I am a prude lol

We have texted just a couple of times and last night he called me and invited me to dinner tomorrow (Thursday).  I said yes.  I am not sure there is a lot of chemistry but he seems so nice that I want to go on a second date and see if there is anything there. 

I had 2 great dates with 2 great guys.  When that happens I get reminded of the beauty of the potential and possibilities.  I get the feeling that I am getting closer.  One never knows, and that is why I keep trying.  Feeling blessed and hopeful.

“I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted
most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.” ― Nora Ephron

 

This is how I roll: I closed the entire restaurant for my friend’s birthday!

07 Monday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Food

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“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well, not really.  Credit, or should I say, blame Covid for that.  Here is what happened:

My friend Anthony’s birthday was yesterday and on Saturday night I treated him to dinner.

We chose to go to a restaurant called Bonasera’s in Larchmont. Since the start of Covid, they have tables outside and live music on Thursdays and Saturdays.  Unfortunately, on Saturday the restaurant called me to let me know there was no music that evening.  The voice on the phone seemed relieved when I said we still planned on going there for dinner.  

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” ― Ray Bradbury

At 7pm we got there and the waiter said we could sit anywhere.   There were tables outside under a tent but we chose to sit inside.  The place was empty.  And it remained empty the whole night.

We had our own bartender, our own server, our own chef.  It was awesome, but I felt bad for the owner and somewhat guilty.

I wonder how can restaurants survive. I am not saying people should be going out to restaurants.  I think people need to do what they are comfortable with, respect others and the law.  I, for the most part, still go out when I have a chance.  Still I think about businesses, such as restaurants.

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel

The food and service were amazing.  To drink I had 2 cosmos and my friend had 2 Proseccos. We had arugula salad and scallops with spinach for appetizers.
For the main entrée he had a gluten free pasta with tomatoes and capers and a side of broccoli. I had cod fish with risotto and broccoli. For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a crème brulee.

Everything was divine!

After we left, we crossed the street and went to Chat19 to have a passion fruit drink.  Even though I had already drank my limit, we still wanted to have something with passionfruit in it.   The other restaurant didn’t have passion fruit. 

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” ― Henry David Thoreau

When we got there we were reminded that by law restaurants in New York now cannot serve only alcohol, they need to serve food with it.  We ordered fries with our passionfruit martinis.  The fries were so delicious we got a second order.  The martinis were a bit too sour and disappointing. 

We left at 10pm. All restaurants in NY State have to close by 10pm now.

We had a great night! We always have a great time together. We talk about everything, our dates, our goals, investments, spirituality, etc.

“There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met.” ― Jim Henson

I am grateful for Plenty of Fish for helping me meet him 5 years ago.  He is one of the reasons I am still willing to put up with online dating sites and I am willing to give guys a second chance. 

Anthony and I didn’t work out romantically but as friends we are an awesome match. We had a few dates, then he disappeared.  When he returned I chose to welcome him back and we slowly built a friendship that I treasure.  I always feel enriched by his company and friendship and I know he feels the same way.

“No friendship is an accident. ” ― O. Henry

I am on a dating site looking for love, but the potential to meet another great friend like Anthony is never far from my mind.  I am not one of those people that say they have enough friends. I don’t! 

I know a lot people, but I have only a few real close friends that actually know my heart.  Anthony is one of them.  We don’t always agree, but one thing remains true in our friendship: the care and love we feel for each other.   

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.- Don Corleone” ― Mario Puzo,  The Godfather

 

To eat or not to eat

23 Friday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Food

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“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” – Hippocrates

My attempt at detox is going very well. It is far from what a real detox would be but still I so impressed with myself.  I am also continuing with the intermittent fasting.

For the most part, during the week, I cut out the 2 worst offenders for me: sugar and carb. On the weekends I have a little piece of bread for breakfast.

On Sunday it will be 2 weeks, my aim is to do a total of 3 weeks.  I want to find a middle ground and keep it for the rest of my life. 

I had had not sugar until last night 😦

“Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend.” ― Lao Tzu

Last night my sister and I met a friend for dinner. We were the only table in this beautiful Greek restaurant, called Telly’s Tavern.  There is one in Manhattan for years and just last year they opened in Port Chester.  We went to the Port Chester location.

We were the only customers there on a Thursday at 8:30pm.  I know there is a virus going around, and with the numbers rising again, I don’t expect to see a lot people, but still I expected some people sitting on the tables outside. There were none. l I felt bad for the owner. 

I had soup at home and had appetizers at the restaurant.  I had a few slices of fried potatoes and 1 zucchini croquette, they were tick and the size of a hamburger. And all so delicious.  My sister and my friend had 2 drinks each. I had a glass of water and that was perfectly fine. I was not tempted at all.

The one thing that was very hard to pass by was the bread basket. Beautifully smelling hot rustic bread. Immediately I declared that I was going to take the bread home. We took it, and then accidently gave to my friend with other leftovers 😦  I guess it is was not meant to be)

.“If we are creating ourselves all the time, then it is never too late to begin creating the bodies we want instead of the ones we mistakenly assume we are stuck with.”― Deepak Chopra

And then I had dessert. I didn’t want to. I am not even joking, I didn’t want to, but still I had it. Why?

To be kind to the waitress.

Christina, our waitress is from Paraguay and just the nicest girl and waitress you could ever had.  She wanted to be gracious so as a treat she brought us freshly fried Lokoumades, which is the Greek version of donuts.  Deep fried dough balls sprinkled with cinnamon and drizzled with honey.  

Donuts and such are not enticing to me at all, so I didn’t want to have any. I knew my sister wasn’t going to have any and I wasn’t sure if my friend would or would not, so I wanted to do my part.

They were good! I don’t regret it. I was happy to attempt to show appreciation for the waitress’s kind gesture.  To me, not eating was not an option.

“We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

It got me thinking, how many times have we done something we don’t want to do to please someone? Probably more times than we realize. 

This is not the first time and will not be the last, but I am going to try to watch myself.  I have to watch myself on the reasons behind my actions and inactions.

This morning I woke up starving and I am blaming those darn little balls. I haven’t been that hungry in the mornings since I started the intermittent fasting.  I am happy that for the first time in forever I am noticing things about my body, and my feelings towards food and hunger.

And on that note, tomorrow is Saturday and I cannot wait to have a piece of bread with butter.  

oh, and this friend that we met for dinner baked us a huge Brazilian Style carrot cake. Is the world conspiring against me? lol

Superwoman has a shiner and is ready to shine

17 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Food

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“My past is everything I failed to be.” ― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

This morning I woke up with a shiner.  I am a star,  so I shine, but that is not the type of shining I am talking about.  And no, I didn’t wake up next to someone that was so amazing that he shined, or is it shone? 

Anyway, I am talking about the shiner that you get when someone punches you on the eye.  There is no pain or itching, just redness below the eye.

I Googled and found out I have an allergy shiner.  I had never heard of such a thing. The most common cause is nasal congestion due to some kind of allergen, which remains to be identified.    

It could be anything.  It could be the new rug that I got one week ago today. I never got my floors finished. It was getting me so stressed that I put all the flooring material in my storage for now and got this rug that covers the entire floor.   

“I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.”― Anais Nin

A doctor mentioned that nasal congestion could also be the cause for my vertigo, so perhaps I do have a real nasal congestion issue, even though I don’t feel it. 

Coincidently this week I started a regimen to detoxify my liver as I though it was the culprit.  This new routine has been hardcore for me.  I am looking to detoxify my body and create better eating habits.    

The worst part has been changing my eating habits.  I mostly eat whatever I wanted when I wanted, always with moderation.  Food has always been a source of pleasure and a show of love in my family. Sugar, a forever pacifier.

“A self is not something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to the child, finished and complete. A self is always becoming.” ― Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet

That way of eating may have been fine when I was 24, and perhaps 34 and 44 also, but now at 54 I realize I need a serious change. Now my metabolism is slower and certain foods affect me differently.

Now it is time to finally look at food as fuel.  As I struggled with vertigo in the recent past, and hives forever, among other ailments, how I treat my body has become increasingly important. I need to be nice to my body so my body in turn can be nice to me for many years to come. Not to mention that in my small immediate family of 5, my parents and my brother are diabetics.  Diabetes seems like a certainty if I don’t change things now.

I want to be and become the best I can be in all senses.  I am capable of more. I am starting with my body.  There is not much I can control, but I can choose how I treat my body and what I eat.

“I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne

I figure that this detox may improve not only my health but the body I see when I look in the mirror.  At this moment I see a body that it is not where it should be.  My body is amazing and I am so grateful for it, but I am not being kind to it.  I do plan on getting naked in front of someone again some day 🙂 hopefully very soon…

All I did this week and plan on doing for a total of 3 weeks is a lot for me and not sustainable for a long period of time.  I plan on finding a more doable routine and keep it as a way of life.  It is not reasonable for me to think that I can totally give up certain foods and follow certain routines on daily basis. 

My plan is to follow this plan for 3 weeks Mon-Fri and on weekends relax a little and have a little bread.  Then slowly develop a more sustainable forever plan for me.  

Even though it is hard to recognize that I need to change, it feels good to embark on this road of betterment.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

This is what I have been doing for the past 5 days:

  1. No sugar, no carbs.  This is a huge one for me.  I love sweets and baked goods so much. No to have my daily bread and butter is torture. I am incredibly  proud of following through with it.  
  2. More water. I often forget about liquids. I set the alarm on my phone for every hour as a reminder to get up from my desk for a walk and a glass of water.
  3. Less salt. I am learning that I don’t need to always add that extra pinch of salt.
  4. More physical activity.  The gym in my building is closed and I am still not comfortable going to the Planet Fitness,  so I am trying to walk more and do more exercises at home.  I cannot decide on the perfect elliptical to buy.  The perfect one would be a combination of quiet, small and affordable. Until then I bought a Stamina InMotion Elliptical trainer to put under my desk at work.  It is arriving this week.  
  5. Sauna.  Since I cannot go to a sauna because of COVID, the sauna came to me.  I got a sauna blanket.  I have the HigherDose one. 
  6. Meditate.  I struggle with quieting my mind. For now I do it while in my sauna blanket.  I put some meditation music on,  close my eyes and tell my body to ignore that “too hot” sensation.  I often recite the Ho’opnopono prayer. It goes like this: “I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”
  7. Coffee Enema. I realize this one is controversial but my research tells me that it will help, so I need to try.  I also have spoken about this with my friend that is a naturopathy doctor and he agrees with me. 
  8. Getting more sleep.  I am trying to go to bed earlier. (I did everyday except one, that I was texting with one guy until midnight – I am going to write about it)
  9. Take Milk Thistle Dandelion.  On the bottle of this supplement it reads “Love for your liver”.  I am also taking other supplements and vitamins, as I mentioned on prior posts.
  10. Dry Brushing skin. It is for exfoliation and stimulation.  Before every shower I brush my entire body starting with the feet. I apply less force to sensitive areas such as the face.
  11. Oil Pulling.  Switching oil around in my mouth for at least 10 minutes.  I use coconut oil.  I have been doing this on and off for awhile. I think that has improved my gums.  My dentist agrees.  Well, what he said was: ” keep doing whatever you are doing – it is working”. For now, a surgery that the dentist was sure I needed has been postponed indefinitely and hopefully I will be able to avoid it altogether. 
  12. Tongue scraping.  In the past I used it a couple of times at night to remove bacteria.  Now I do it every morning when I get up to also remove toxins deposited on the tongue during the night. Now I am using a spoon until a new tongue scraper I bought arrives.

“The sky is not my limit…I am.” ― T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise  

Disclaimer: ” Please note that all that I am doing is not in any way a recommendation or suggestion for you to do it.  These are things I wanted to try and carefully researched them.  Please do your research and consult your doctor, specially if you have any kind of health issue.”

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” ― Jim Rohn

Todays is only my 6th day, but here is what I noticed so far:

  1. I already lost a few pounds.  I am trying not to focus on the scale, but seeing the numbers go down is an incentive.  
  2. I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights, but that could have something to do with the allergy issues.
  3. No change in my skin, but I was blessed with good skin anyway.
  4. I have more energy.
  5. Emotionally wise I am feeling like a million dollars. 

“Beyond myself, somewhere,
I wait for my arrival.” ― Octavio Paz

 

 

 

Vitamins, supplements and positive thinking

08 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Food

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Vitamins

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

A friend and reader asked me what natural health products I was taking. I decided to reply to her in this post.

I started taking supplements and vitamins regularly when I was having gum and dental issues December last year. While talking to a friend that is a Naturopath he suggested I take products to improve my gums.  The products were meant to speed healing, lessen the inflammation, promote gum growth, improve my immune system and making sure that my digestive system is in tip top shape.

Gums are not supposed to grow or regenerated, but I believe in the impossible and so does my doctor friend.  If the body has the ability to heal and regenerate why not my gums?

And it is with that faith that at then end of December last year I started taking the following:

Ester-C & Flavonoids – from Pure Encapsulations

Calcarea Fluorica Cell Salt – from Hyland’s

Growth-Gen – from Phyto-Gen – Genestra-Seroyal

Ginkgo Bud – from Phyto-Gen – Genestra-Seroyal

HMF Intensive Probiotic – Genestra-Seroyal

Energy  Boost 70  Fulvic Concentrate – from Morningstar Minerals

Grapenol – Antioxidant Support – from Genestra-Seroyal

Unda Numbered Compounds – Therapeutic Drops Numbers 8, 33, 312

Zinc 30 – from Pure Encapsulations

In March I had a dizzy spell and I was tested for Adrenal Fatigue.  My friend thought that stress and menopause were the culprit.  The saliva test revealed among other things that I was gluten intolerant.  At that time my friend made the following changes to what I was taking:

Added Adaptocrine K-2 from Apex Energetics

Unda Numbers 3, 17 and 50 instead of 8,33,and 312

TonicGen instead of Growth-Gen

He also wanted me on a gluten free diet and an anti-inflammation diet.  He believed that going gluten free would lessen or completely get rid of the chronic hives I have and would also make me feel better all around.  He believed my body was revolting against me.

Now in August I still take all the above with exception of the Unda Numbers. I just never got more when it was finished.

I have also started taking the following:

Liqua-D (Vitamin D) – from Apex Energetics

B Complex – from Pure Encapsulations

Collagen Peptides – from Sports Research

Glucosamina Condroitina with MSM – from Doctor’s Best

BioSil – from Natural Factors

Now you may ask: Does it work?  Have you seen results?

I don’t know for sure.  This is what I know.

My gums:  I went to the periodontist yesterday for a check-up and he said my gums are beautiful.  The inflammation has not returned, but it doesn’t mean it will not, so I continue to be vigilant and take extra care cleaning my teeth.

The chronic hives:  Magically it has gotten a lot better.  I say magically because I have been extremely lax about paying attention to what I eat.

My hips:  The pain is getting worse to the point that I finally scheduled a doctor.  I did notice that the Glucosamina and Collagen helps some.

Energy level:  That comes and goes, some days I don’t want to get up.  Perhaps I am just being lazy.

For the most part I have been faithful to taking the supplements.

I was being faithful to the collagen until I read that I have to take them on an empty stomach, either first thing in the morning or before bed, since then I forget it most of the time.  It is a powder to mix in liquid and for some reason I never remember.

For some reason I also don’t always remember about the Mineral concentrate. Those are drops to be added to any liquid.

As far as the gluten free diet I attempt gluten free for a few days but it didn’t last.  As far as the inflammation diet I didn’t really follow it, but then again a lot of the items on that list I already don’t eat.

One thing I need to do is to keep a food journal.  It helped me keep accountable in the past so I need to do it again.  It will also help me see what foods trigger my symptoms.

Overall I am happy I am taking all of these as it makes me feel pro-active. But Vitamins and supplements are not enough.

I also know that I need to address what I eat.  Health and overall well being starts in the kitchen with the items I choose to eat.  The time of eating whatever I want whenever I want seems to be nearing the end.  I am still choosing moderation, but some foods just seem to be my enemies even in moderation.

I hope that once I get my hip in order I can add more exercise to my life, other than the 30 or 60 minutes walk on the elliptical.

I also need to address the other components of a happy being: Mind and Soul.  Those also need nutrients and stimulation.

Baby steps at 52 years old – better late than never!!

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” – Virginia Wolf

Doctor, doctor, please fix me!

25 Wednesday Jul 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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My hip in getting increasingly bad, so I decided that August would be the month that I would go see a doctor about it.

HIP DOCTOR: So much for planning for August.  The doctor’s next available appointment is September 19.  I was going crazy researching doctors, so when my doctor friend recommended him I just decided this is it.

I have gone to a hip doctor before but I was not that impressed with him.  It is crazy how time flies. I thought it was only a couple of year ago that I had gone to him but now that I checked it was 2013!!

At that time I had scans and MRI done, and the treatment recommended was physical therapy and cortisone shots.  I was diagnosed with bursitis, arthritis and a tear that was not severe enough to be operated on.

The cortisone shots made the pain worst but eventually the physical therapy worked and I felt like myself again.  After I was done with the therapy I took up tennis lessons again and the pain came back as if had never left.  I gave up tennis and have since then been talking about going back to the doctor.

Five years later I am finally doing something about it.  I feel a bit embarrassed about this procrastination.  I chose to live with pain and discomfort.  I chose to do only limited physical activities rather than address the issue. I no longer take tap and jazz classes.  I don’t weight lift or do zumba. All the things I loved I gave up.  Yeah, it is embarrassing.

Better late than ever.  There is no upside to beating myself up at this point.

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am also going to see some other medical professionals:

DENTIST: I am going in for a cleaning. I have some work to do but it is major, so I am thinking about doing it in Brazil for a fraction of the price.  I am only unsure I can stay away from work for 2 weeks.  I get cleanings every 3 months as my teeth needs to be closely monitored.

The surgery I had in my gums seems to be doing okay. The inflammation didn’t return and if that is the case it is a success and I will not need another procedure in that area and I will not need to lose one of the implants I have there.  Fingers crossed that this remains the case.

OBGYN: I have big news for my doctor. My period was late for the first time ever. I could set a watch by my period in the past and all of a sudden 40 days go by and nothing.

Menopause seems to be here, for better or worse.  And with it it is bringing a whole host of unwelcome visitors: Tiredness, excessive sugar cravings, mood swings, etc.  My hair feels and looks like brillo pad.  My mood is swinging more than Elvis’s hips. I am obsessed with Instagram pictures of chocolate cakes.  It is really bad!

INTERNIST: I need to schedule it.  I will bring those issues up with him.  In the past at my annual check ups all they said was:  make sure to eat healthy and exercise.

EYE DOCTOR: I go every other year for the past several years. I go to a specialist.  Since my mother has a retina disease I like to keep a close eye (pun intended) on it.   All is normally fine and the prescription just changes a bit.

***

I am feeling extremely exhausted lately.  I used to just jump up in the morning, singing and happy, now it is a struggle to get up.  It feels all my body wants to do is be horizontal.

I have been taking all kinds of supplements that is supposed to help with energy and fatigue but they don’t seem to be that effective.

My eating habits are insane.  One day goes well, the other I fall off the wagon.   One day is gluten free, the other is all about gluten.  Now that I am paying more attention to my eating habits it seems that all I want to do is eat.

My main problem is sugar.  The solution is discipline and willpower. Do you know where I can buy those?

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu

***

I will write about G and I on the next post.  We are still seeing each other. I have no interest in seeing anyone else for now.  We are still a bit mismatched but at times I think I am just being picky.

It is weird that I met someone when I am at my worst.

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

 

This, That and Other

15 Friday Jun 2018

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OVEREATING
On Wednesday night, my sister, a couple of friends and I went to Fuji Mountain, a hibachi restaurant in Larchmont, NY. We were there celebrating one of my friends birthday. It was a lot fun and the food was great. The best part is that she was so happy with being taken out for her birthday. I love making people happy.

Unfortunately I ate all of the dinner that was put in front of me plus dessert. At the moment I didn’t think; I just ate. Later I hated myself for overeating. It is becoming a pattern. I have to change that immediately.

“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw, Man and the Superman

WORLD CUP
World Cup is here and I am so excited! I don’t care what teams are playing I will be watching. I have 2 screens at work. One is always showing a game and on the other one is work.

I love the passion and energy of the games. Of course I am hoping Brazil wins. We are the favorite but memories of the fiasco of the last time is not far from memory. I am not one to dismiss any opponent. Everyone is a threat. Everyone is deserving.

Unfortunately I will miss Brazil’s first game on Sunday as I will be helping a friend with her dance recital. She needs the help of volunteers to get the show done so I will not cancel on her. Hopefully there will be many more to watch. I will record it but it will be impossible not to know the result before I get home to watch it.

Let the best teams win. The ones with more heart, more passion, more hunger.

“I am not a perfectionist, but I like to feel that things are done well. More important than that, I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to learning, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age.” – Cristiano Ronaldo

DATING
Things are fairly quiet as I haven’t spent much time on the dating sites. There is one guy, M, that I will be having dinner on Saturday night. He works in Management of some big University. I am not sure where we will be meeting yet.

I was somewhat excited about him until I got a message from G. His messages are just amazing. A combination of smarts, funny and sexy. He seems honest, serious, down to earth, etc. Yes I am getting all of that from a few emails 🙂

He asked me out Saturday during the day to go to this huge flea market 40 minutes away from me. I said no. I probably would have gone just for a change, even though I normally never travel for a first date. I am willing to change my mind on that and be flexible on a case to case basis.

I had already said yes to M. and I don’t like canceling on people just because I got another invitation.

The excitement normally turns to fear.  What if we like each other? Even before meeting G. I am already looking for reasons why this cannot work. We live too far, he likes camping, I like comfortable hotels, I love sports, he could take or leave it, etc.

I am reminding myself to breath, be in the moment and just go with the flow.

“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.” – C.S. Lewis

Can brutal honesty interfere with a goal, disrupt a plan and discourage a dreamer?

31 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Food

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“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.” – Lao Tzu

A very good friend of mine is developing a product that he hopes to sell in stores very soon. It is a food item and he asked me to taste a prototype. Before tasting it I told him that I was going to be brutally honest. He insisted on it.

While sitting in his car last night and while he anxiously watched I proceeded to taste it. First I smelled it, looked at it, and then took an initial bite. There wasn’t really much aroma to it. I took a few more bites and started writing down my thoughts about it. How did I feel about the taste, texture, sweetness?

Even before I finished my evaluation he started reading my findings. It was not all positive. I found that I couldn’t really detect a flavor – not that it had one to be detected. He mentioned this will be an original flavor and then with time there will be flavor varieties.

I also thought it needed to be sweeter. I am one of those people that likes to taste salt if something is savory and sugar if something is sweet. I also thought that it left somewhat of a coating in my mouth and tongue and perhaps a bit of an aftertaste.

Even with all that said it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I am not a fan of this category of food anyway. While it didn’t offend me taste wise it also didn’t excite me, but none of the items in that product line do.

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
―Langston Hughes

Later on while I am in bed trying to go to sleep I started thinking about my criticism of his product. He has been working on this for years. How would I feel to hear all that about something I was working on?

I was honest. I am proud of that fact, but is there such a thing as too much honesty? I could be wrong, very wrong.  I started second guessing myself.  This is very subjective.

It could dishearten him. What if my opinion gets him to lose his determination? I would hate for someone to change a winning formula because of me.  Or worst, to give up on their dreams because of me.

I also didn’t want to lie and say I enjoyed something I didn’t.

This morning I wrote him. I told him that maybe I was too harsh. I have food issues and his customer base will be the ones that see food as fuel and not as pleasure as I do. I told him that he and his dreams are important to me and he should follow his gut, heart and dreams.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho

He was kind in his reply. He said I was overthinking this. He said that he wants this product to attract the masses, especially the people that are not concerned with their nutrition – the ones that need it the most – according to him. He thanked me for my feedback and said there will be more tasting in the future.

He added: “If you choose to stay up and barely sleep thinking of me you can certainly do so. I find it very flattering!”

It got me thinking of dreams and the determination that takes to follow them. I appreciate those people that have a passion and go after it. I envy them. Specially the ones that get criticized and get no after no.  It takes passion, love, heart, and a thick skin.

What about my dreams?  I am floundering, toying with this and that while the days go by. Where is my passion? Did it show up and I didn’t recognize it? Or is it still coming?

Once the product is in production I will let everyone know what it is.

“When you know someone’s dream you look at that person differently—with more tenderness, respect, familiarity, sympathy, and generosity than before. Look at everyone you meet this week and actively think to yourself, “I wonder what their dreams are?” – Danielle LaPorte

Mentally refreshed, physically exhausted and seeing everything with new eyes!

26 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust

My plan for this trip to Brazil was to just relax, read and spend time with family.  I go to Brazil at least twice a year, so it has become a routine.  When things become a routine we no longer give the proper appreciation or care to it.  I am blessed to be able to go see my family twice a year.  I know so many people that haven’t seen their parents in years.

Noticing I was becoming blase about it I decided a change of attitude was needed.  I decided to not see it as routine but as a brand new blessing.  I came across that Marcel Proust quote above and sent it to a friend that I knew would appreciate it and support me on this new attitude.

Armed with my new attitude I get to the airport and come face to face with this writing on the wall (in the picture below) at my departing gate.  It seems even the airport is trying to open and refresh my eyes.  Indeed the message is: new eyes, new way to see things.

At the gate for my flight to Brazil

I am not sure I have been 100% successful in seeing Brazil with new eyes. I am a firm believer that recognizing that change is needed and working towards it is in itself a success. The key is moving forward towards your intended goal, the speed at which you do it is less important.

With new resolve and resolution one needs to be constantly reminded to make sure not to fall back into old patterns, views and actions.  Every morning I greet the world with gratitude and I tell myself: It is a brand new day, full of brand new blessings, go out and find and see them!

How about we all start looking at everything with new eyes? How about we don’t assume we already know the outcome of something even if we have performed it 100 times before?  Let’s be in the moment and allow every new moment to surprise us! 

Let’s look at people with new eyes and give them a chance to reintroduce themselves. I am not the person I was yesterday, why do I assume others are still the same?

“Every now and then a man’s mind is stretched by a new idea or sensation, and never shrinks back to its former dimensions.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

I spent time with my family but there was no reading or resting.  My brother is moving to a house in the back of my mother’s house. I spent every waking hour helping him get that house cleared up and ready to move in.  That little house had become storage space for anything that was no longer wanted.

At the end of the day I was so physically exhausted that I couldn’t think about doing anything other than going to sleep.  For the first time ever I didn’t log into work.  I didn’t check the bank for payments.  I didn’t check emails for customer’s requests.

This is also the first time that I have been told that I look refreshed and happier after returning from a trip. I do love manual labor, the dirtier and messier something is the more I enjoy cleaning.  I let my mind go and focus on the labor at hand.  It is totally cathartic to me.

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.”  – Meister Eckart

And here is an odd thing: I didn’t have hives a single time in Brazil. I have had them every day since I have returned.  In Brazil I didn’t follow the gluten free diet I had been trying to follow. I ate whatever I wanted. Does that mean that the hives is not related to what I am eating?  Is it pollution, something at work,  something in my apartment, perhaps it is a combination of factors?  I am continuing to write down all I eat in an effort to pinpoint the culprit.  I do know that stress is a major contributing factor.

My brother’s move is a great thing. My parents are older so they need more assistance and is a great relief to have him near them.

I am blessed to still have my parents. My dad is 80 and still going strong after battling cancer.  He lost a leg to it but he is now stronger than ever.  My mom is turning 83 and even after battling depression and other issues stemming from a mild stroke she is doing amazing.  She doesn’t look anywhere near her age.

As usual every time I go to Brazil my mother returns with me and stays for a couple of weeks.  For her birthday on May 1st we will be spending a couple of days at Foxwoods Casino in CT.  Mom being here means eating, gambling and shopping, but I am trying to pace myself.  Here is to a next several days of celebration and fun!!

“Life is nothing to be very serious about. Life is a ball in your hands to play with. Don’t hold on to the ball.”- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

***

 

Don’t try to make sense, just dance!

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me, Food, Poetry

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“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” -Rumi

Last night I saw anxiety creeping in. Yes I actually saw it. I looked in the mirror and the face looking back at me was not the usual smiling face with bright shiny eyes. This face had dead sad eyes and the lips were just there, unmovable walls. Looking in the mirror only made the dark feelings intensify.

Nothing made sense.  Nothing felt right. I was alone. I was weak.

I knew that if I gave into those feelings I would soon be crying and feeling totally powerless and beaten. Crying is definitely okay in my book but when I have a reason for it. Crying out of pity for myself is not productive, it is not what I do, it is not who I am.

I felt hungry as if I hadn’t eaten in days. I wanted to head to the fridge and stuff my face in something sweet. I wanted to drown the sad feelings in a tub of ice cream. I wanted chocolate cookies to prevent my tears from falling. I wanted my best friend Sugar to assure me that I was going to be okay.

The problem with my friend Sugar is that it is such a sneaky weasel. It takes me to amazing high levels of euphoria and then, not too long after it has me crashing down. That is a roller coaster that tonight I refuse to get on.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”  – Rumi

I am smarter than that. I know this is not a physical hunger, after all I just had a great dinner of brown rice, vegetables and chicken. I even had a tiny piece of cheesecake for dessert. This is my being crying out for attention. This was my body trying to make my insides feel better by giving in to outsides urges.

Sugar is my drug of choice. For you it may be something else, alcohol, shopping, etc, Whatever it is, when used in this way it is not a friend, it is an enemy.

I knew exactly what prompted the feelings I was having. It all started 30 minutes before.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”  – Rumi

Around 8:30pm I called P. He calls every night and last night I decided I should call for a change and to let him know that I do think of him. The call went straight to voice mail. Immediately I felt like I was punched on the stomach. How dare he not answer the phone and worse, why it is off.  It didn’t feel right. Immediately my delusional self starting conjuring up all kinds of thoughts.

That was on top of having gone this entire week without scheduling a date. We talked about meeting Saturday night and/or Sunday, and even me possibly going to his house, but there is nothing definite.  And of also realizing that he is still on the dating app.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

The woman in me that got cheated on over 5 years ago came back full force and started connecting the invisible dots and creating stories. I vow not to be made a fool ever again.  I thought he was probably on a date and turned the phone off not to be disturbed. Not only was he on a date but he would probably start liking her better than he likes me. Soon this blossoming relationship would shrivel up and die.

The reality is that we have known each other for less than a month and have gone on 4 dates only. Even though we both feel this is different, we really have no clue. I realize that relationships need to marinated, need be tended to, need to have air to breath.

There is nothing really happening. We are both free to date other people. I like to say that competition is welcomed.  It only makes me look better.

I don’t believe that every guy will cheat on me. I also believe that there is a guy for me out there and I am not sure it is him. I am also not sure it is not him yet.

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”  – Rumi

Where is this delusional, insecure, paranoid, jealous woman coming from?

Then it hits me:

PMS

I am glad I keep track of it.  I look at the app in my phone and there it is.  I am in the middle of PM.  I know these feeling are momentary and not based in reality. I know they will pass.  All I have to do is be okay with feeling uncomfortable and sad for a moment.

The feeling of doom. The feeling that the world is coming to an end. The paralysis. That is what PMS feels like to me. I even warn people about it, as I know I can be a little out of my mind at that time.

So it is just you, PMS, old frenemy! You don’t own me! You can mess up my hormones every now and then, but I will show you who the boss is!

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”  – Rumi

So I did the only thing I could think to do:

I DANCED!

I put some loud music on and I danced. I danced like no one was watching and no one really was. If they were they would probably want to join in as I was having so much fun. I danced as if I wanted the dance moves to shake the fears and anxiety away from my body.

I danced with my soul.  It was a freedom, gratitude, euphoria, wanting to live and love dance!!

IT WORKED!

I felt instantly better. I felt alive! I felt energized! I felt grounded and centered! Life returned to my eyes, the smile to my lips. As in a miracle, the dark cloud lifted.

To continue on my good mood trajectory, I started thinking of all the blessings I have in my life. The list is so huge and amazing,  it is impossible to be sad or down when confronted with that knowledge.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

At 9:44pm he texted me to say sorry. He said he had fallen asleep without saying good night. He said he had laid down for a minute and didn’t wake up until now.
I said that I thought he was out and about and had the phone off not to be bothered. He said the battery had died on his phone.

Do I believe him? I don’t know! At this point I don’t care. There is nothing going on. We are getting to know each other. So I am keeping an open mind and will trust until I have a reason not to. I will also not create problems and be overly dramatic or clingy.

The odd thing is that getting his text didn’t make me feel happy or relieved.  It was indifferent.  Proving to me that at the end of the day, we are in charge of our emotions and well-being.  No one can make you feel better or worse, loved or unloved.  Only you have that power.  The sooner we realize that the happier we become.

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

This is the first time I use dance as a coping mechanism, as a pacifier and medication.  I normally go to gratitude and prayer.

May I offer everyone that suggestion?  Next time you are down, how about you get up and dance.  While dancing you can make mental lists of all blessings and say a prayer thanking for all of those blessings.

***

The dancing reminded me of one of my favorite poets and scholar: Rumi. His poems and teachings really resonate with me. They touch my inner being. They make life make sense to me. They make me want to love with abandon.

“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.”

With Rumi in my mind I peppered this post with his quotes and I offer everyone this poem. I hope that everyone at some point in their lives get to love with abandon.

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more”
Rumi