Category Archives: Daily Message

The implied and inferred meaning of a hug

16 Thursday Sep 2021

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“I had embraced you…
long before i hugged you.”
― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos

Mr. Stocks and I continue to text. Unfortunately we often have some sort of miscommunication or misunderstanding.  Now, I come to find out, not only my words, but also my actions are being misunderstood.

I thought it was a pleasant hug goodbye, with a potential future.  He thought it was a rejection. 

The texting starts when he is letting me know about his decision about a job offer that he had been considering.

I am not sure what the next chapter will be, but I am proceeding with caution.  I don’t want to hurt him or get hurt, or worst of all, damage the friendship.

I think he is more sensitive than other guys.  Or perhaps more insecure, and more afraid of getting hurt.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Some tennis watching and a back massage

08 Wednesday Sep 2021

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“Everyone has the fire, but the champions know when to ignite the spark.” ― Amit Ray, Enlightenment Step by Step

This Labor Day weekend, similar to prior years, except 2020, I went to the US Open on Saturday. 

I was pleasantly surprised that there were almost no lines to get in.  They checked the vaccination card and tickets very quickly.  There were some people with masks but the majority had no masks.  It felt freeing.

This time I wasn’t too excited to attend, as my two favorite players weren’t there:  Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams.  I need to find new favorites.

I do have a Brazilian player left in tournament, Bruno Soares.  He is in the Men’s Doubles semi-final, playing with Jamie Murray (Andy’s older brother).  I am not sure who they are playing against, but I will be watching that match.  

The weather was perfect.  While there, we had  a great lunch at The Mojito Restaurant.  They make the best yucca fries.  Inside the stadium we had Honey Deuce, the official drink of the US Open while watching the Novak Djokovic/Kei Nishikori match. Novak won. I was not happy.  Still it was a great match.

“Life has but one true charm: the charm of the game. But what if we’re indifferent to whether we win or lose?” ― Charles Baudelaire

One new and interesting thing is that there are no line judges anymore.  There is the chair umpire only. The line calls are made with the Hawk-Eye electronic line-calling.  The electronic voice that yells “OUT”, can be female or male, depending on what the other courts that are near are using, so not to confuse the players. 

It makes a big difference.  There are no longer challenges, which eliminates a lot of the drama.  I used to enjoy some of the drama though 🙂

On Sunday I went to Wegmans grocery store for the first time.  It is new in my area, and some people were raving about it.  It was a good store, but I don’t get excited about grocery stores. After lunch I got a back massage.

While I was getting a massage, I was just trying to relax and think of nothing.  It is an impossibility for me. While fighting random thoughts, the Jewish Holiday, Rosh Hashanah came to mind.  I thought to myself that I should text B. a Happy New Year.

B., is a woman that was very helpful to me in my first years in the U.S. We helped each other, but her coming into my life helped me achieve everything I have today.  

Last time I texted her she didn’t reply.  I don’t need a reply to text someone. I made a point of holding on to that thought to text her when my massage was over. 

After the 1 hour massage, with thoughts of what is for dinner, and no longer thinking of B.  I picked up my phone and I am shocked to see I have a missed call from her.  At the moment I was thinking about her, she was calling me.  I love the little  synchronicities of the Universe.  The Universe is always listening.

I called her back. She apologized for not texting back. We talked for a little bit.  Everything felt right in the world.

“Our intentions attract the elements and forces, the events, the situations, the circumstances, and the relationships necessary to fulfill the intended outcome.We don’t need to become involved in the details—in fact, trying too hard may backfire.It requires attention, and it also requires detachment. Once you have created the intention mindfully, you must be able to detach from the outcome, and let the universe handle the details of fulfilment.”
― Deepak Chopra, Synchrodestiny: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence to Create Miracles

On Monday I had dinner with someone that I have been speaking online for the past 6 years, and had never met before.  I am going to write about it next. Was it a good or bad meeting? Stay tuned to find out.

 

Not bad for an Old dog

01 Wednesday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“If you want to do a few small things right, do them yourself. If you want to do great things and make a big impact, learn to delegate.” ― john c. maxwell

I have always struggled with asking people to do anything for me.  I also struggle with letting go of control.  That combination makes it very hard for me to delegate at work.

As a result I have been overworked for years; even though I do have someone to assist me.

I work for a very small firm, so I wear many hats.  From being the Treasurer to being the Compliance Officer, and everything else in between.  My assistant does the daily contracts.

I was doing way too much.  I realized that she could do more and alleviate some of my burden. Now, slowly, I have been giving her more responsibilities, and making her accountable for some tasks.

I learned that I need to:

  • Give step-by-step instructions
  • Communicate the expected outcome
  • Establish clear and realistic deadlines
  • Have tons of patience

“Focus on what you are good at; delegate all else.” – Steve Jobs

It has been tough.  A lot doesn’t get done as I would like.  Relinquishing control of functions that I always took pride in is difficult.  I have always felt that anything leaving my office is a reflection on me as a professional.

I am finally learning that to delegate is to learn to accept that something will not be done your way, but it will still get done.  So what if an email is not written as perfect as I want?  It is not the end of the world.

At work, I have been guilty of expecting people to take initiative.  I expect people to see that something needs to get done and to step up and do it.  Some people will never do that.  Some people need to be told what to do.

It is okay.  We are all different.  Some people are born to lead and some are born to follow. It doesn’t make one better than the other, but it should serve as a guide to where people should concentrate their efforts.

“The more control, the more that requires control. This is the road to chaos.— PanSpechi aphorism”  ― Frank Herbert, The Dosadi Experiment

In delegating, letting go of control and the need for things to be done my way, I have found some more time in my day.

I have found freedom.  Freedom from the need to be perfect.  Freedom from being in charge of everything.

I am finally learning to work smarter.  I have not only learned to delegate, but I am also learning to say no to additional work.

Who said an old dog can’t learn new tricks?

“I’ve seen too many leaders misunderstand leadership for legacy. Even the most experienced leaders will divide instead of delegate and incite instead of unite to advance hidden personal agendas.” ― Richie Norton

Henri, the hurricane, changed my plans

25 Wednesday Aug 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost

My sister and I were supposed to spend last weekend in Boston, but the hurricane cut the trip short.  So, instead of Sunday night we drove home Saturday evening.  

We spent Saturday at Quincy Market, enjoying the sites and sounds.  There are all kinds of street performers, from violin players to jugglers. So much fun and talent!

We had breakfast inside the Boston Public Markets.  The bagels (Levend Bagelry) and popovers (The Popover Lady) were delicious.  The coffee was just ok (George Howell).

Quincy Market

Faneuil Hall served as a meeting place of Patriots during the American Revolution.  Nowadays is still used for public ceremonies, such as Citizenship Oath Ceremonies. One can feel the history walking through its doors.

We had a late lunch at State Street Provisions. We shared a little of everything, fish and chips, cheeseburger, avocado toast, street corn, salads.  The food was good.   The drinks were disappointing. I ordered the Triple Lindy (Vodka, Strawberry St. Germain, Yellow Chartreuse, Orgeat and Lime).  It sounded amazing on paper, but it tasted boring and flavorless.

After the late lunch, we browsed an outdoors fair and bought some glass jewelry.  By 7pm we were getting to my friend’s house to change to go out to dinner and more fun.  That is when another friend called me and scared me with the news about hurricane Henri.  He said: it will hit NY and then travel to Boston.  If you don’t leave now, you may not be back until Monday or Tuesday.

I was not afraid of missing a day or two of work, but in such situations I rather be in my home and not stranded at a friend’s house.

“All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe.” ― Arthur C. Clarke, 2010: Odyssey Two

Faneuil Hall

I loved, loved, loved the harbor.  It was such a beautiful sunny day. We didn’t take any boat trips or tours.  We were interested in doing the Duck Boat Tour on Sunday, but that never happened.  Will do that in a next trip.

I guess I should start paying more attention to the weather reports when I plan trips.

“Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential.” ― Winston Churchill

Boston Harbor

All in all it was a fun Saturday.  The storm was not as bad as expected, but I don’t regret returning home.  Better safe, than sorry.

“Ester asked why people are sad.
“That’s simple,” says the old man. “They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Work in progress, or just unfinished?

17 Tuesday Aug 2021

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“It is wise to master your self, but it is wiser to leave a few rogue thoughts, some few doubts, and some loose ends. It is into the wild and unfinished places that we can grow.” ― Chris Ernest Nelson

I have so many posts started, on topics such as “How to break up with a friend”, “Do I really need a pap smear every year?”, and everything else in between.

I start writing about something and go off to do something else. By the time I get back to it, hours or days later, it doesn’t feel fresh anymore.  That topic is not at the forefront of my mind anymore.

I don’t want to serve you guys anything stale 🙂  So it is pretty much your fault lol

Perhaps I should get back to all those drafts and either finish it and post it, or just delete it. I may be on to something here.  I have drafts from when this blog started in 2012.

“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Moving on for now.  I continue my streak of canceled dates. If it is not one thing, it is another.  Mostly it seems that it is becoming harder to actually schedule a date.  Everyone wants to talk on the phone, then becomes all confused about meeting up.

I guess I am growing impatient in my old age 🙂  I want someone that will take charge and not be wishy-washy.  I want someone that will be direct and make plans.  Plans that actually take into account that I am a woman, and that this is our first meeting.  

Lately, I feel I am getting all the lazy guys.  If they can’t drive 30 minutes to see me now, what kind of effort will they put into the relationship?

Where are all those guys that drove over 1 hour to see me?

oh, yeah, I remember… I didn’t like them in person. 😦

“Too lazy to peel fresh? You don’t deserve to eat garlic.” ― Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly

The last guy that went bust, last week, after we had decided on a Friday night date, wrote me:  “You don’t mind coming to Harlem, do you?

Sure (eye rolling), I would love to go to Harlem on a Saturday night to meet someone for the first time!  I am sure there are great places in Harlem, but also scary ones too if you don’t know where you are going.

I wrote back: “Actually, I do mind.”  He never replied again.  

That was easy!  That shows his level of interest to begin with.

In the meantime, life has been so busy with work, mosaics, friends, gym again, and learning French.  Yes, I am going to parle Français once and for all.

I am not discouraged from dating.  Everything in life ebbs and flows. 

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more”
― Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi

 

Memories, Old and New

15 Thursday Jul 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don’t have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.” ― Virginia Woolf

Last weekend my sister, a couple of friends, and I went to Vernon, NJ.  We stayed at a condo on the Black Creek Sanctuary. It is only one and a half hours from my home. 

On the way there I realized that we passed right by Greenwood Lake, NY.  That is where M. lived.  He is the guy that I dated in January and February last year.  It brought back some memories.  It was the carefree time before the pandemic. He turned out to be a zero, but still we had some nice moments.

The place we stayed at was so beautiful and peaceful.  There are tons to do in the area, but we didn’t do much.  The weather didn’t help.  We enjoyed the pool and BBQed mostly.  We also managed to drive around the area and visit local shops.

Black Creek Sanctuary. It was too muddy to walk around, but a gorgeous place!

Great place to stay at and enjoy nature.

All around the property, there were gardens, and places to fish, hike, etc.

We visited a couple of farmer markets and antique shops

Greenwood Lake, NY – holder of memories

We will go back again to the same place at the end of the month.  We are hoping to do more then.  I am also hoping to go there in the winter, as this place is part of a skiing resort, so I am curious to try this mountain.

On the way home we stopped by Greenwood Lake, NY.  I wanted to show my sister and my friends the area.  Memories of a short-lived potential romance came and stayed with me.

No regrets. Not wanting the past to come back, or change anything. Just enjoying having had experiences and living a full life.

Greenwood Lake: It felt like discovering a new place, or is it, rediscovering an old place?

“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.” ― Guy de Maupassant

 

My week in pictures

25 Friday Jun 2021

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“Rule #1: Life is supposed to be fun!” ― John McGrail, The Synthesis Effect: Your Direct Path to Personal Power and Transformation

Since returning from Brazil I have been playing catch up with work deadlines and other personal stuff.   But I also have been making sure to fit fun into the picture. Here is what I have been up to:

I have played cards with friends. I had not done that in ages.  It is a Brazilian game called Buraco.  I think it may be similar to Canasta.

I went on a date with an accountant.  He introduced me to his 35 year friend that happened to be at the bar.  We sat with him. The friend and I talked non-stop. After the friend left, my date and I had a nice time, but not nice enough for a second date.  I wish the friend was older 🙂 We went to Sedona Grill in Mamaroneck, NY.

Went to Trader Joe’s and treated my sister and I to beautiful flowers. Every woman deserves to get flowers every now and then.

“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything, than when we are at play.” ― Charles Schaefer

Went to a birthday/graduation party at the Melting Pot in White Plains, NY. AWFUL!! While the food was okay, the service was terrible. It took ages to get drinks or food.  It was clear that they were understaffed and undertrained. I guess it is really true that restaurants are having a hard time trying to get employees to get back to work.

Went on another date with a 60 year old hedge fun consultant. We went to Modern Restaurant. He was a nice guy, but that was it.

“And the sun and the moon sometimes argue over who will tuck me in at night. If you think I am having more fun than anyone on this planet, you are absolutely correct.” ― Hafiz

Happy to go and happy to return!

16 Wednesday Jun 2021

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“Usually, there is nothing more pleasing that returning to a place where you have endured hardship.” ― Tahir Shah

I just arrived from Brazil.  Exhausted, but so happy I went!

When I left, I had great plans for this blog.  I was going to post something every day. There would be tons of pictures.  I assumed, incorrectly, that I would have the time and energy to write, and to also do my office work.  None of that happened.

Instead I devoted my time to my family.  I got there and gave my brother a much deserved break.  I was left in charge of everything, including meals, medication and taking my Mom to a couple of doctor’s appointment.

I have a renewed respect and understanding for all that my brother has been doing.  It is not easy!  And to cook, on top of it all!  Lunch is a huge affair in Brazil, specially at my house. At breakfast there is already discussion about the menu for lunch.

I will talk more about that and other details about being in Brazil.  At the moment I am scrambling to catch up with work stuff.  Work has been neglected. I have been neglected.  I neglected you.

Gotta run, just wanted to say hi.  I look forward to catching up to everyone’s blog/life.  I have missed you!!

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

One step towards Brazil

21 Friday May 2021

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I am doing a happy dance 🙂

  1. Received my test results in time for my flight tomorrow.
  2. It was Negative.

“For a few minutes I tried to empty my mind entirely, to concentrate solely on breathing: sometimes it’s useful to rediscover simpler pleasures of life.” ― Romain Gary

ps. celebrate the fact that I have a post that goes right to the point 

When in Doubt… Go!

11 Tuesday May 2021

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“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” ― Robert Frost

I have been thinking a lot about my family in Brazil.  I have been waiting for the perfect time to go visit.  The perfect time would be when this virus is gone from here, and from Brazil.  But, who knows when that will be, or if it will ever be?

On the spur of the moment I bought a ticket to Brazil.  I am leaving on May 22 and coming back on June 12.  I am hoping 3 weeks is enough time to give my brother a break from taking care of my parents.  He has been doing it for almost 2 years with no break.  Normally my mom comes to NY twice a year, but Covid changed all that. 

“I sustain myself with the love of family.” ― Maya Angelou

My parents are 86 (mom) and 84 (dad).  Mom’s hip is really giving her a hard time, so my brother is doing more and more around the house.  We have someone that comes in twice a week to clean the house, and they order food out a few times a week, but there is always something to do.  

I am bringing a laptop and will try to work from there, but the main objective of this trip is to spend time with my parents.  Work will be secondary.  

“If Light Is In Your Heart, You Will Find Your Way Home.”- Rumi

I have 11 days to get all done before I leave. I am now starting a series of lists to make sure I don’t forget anything.  No one does my functions, so if I don’t do it, it will not get done. 

I have lists of deadlines at work, of what to pack, of gifts to buy, of people to contact, and on and on.  I am about to start a list to track all my lists ;-).  I love making lists.  It makes me feel that I am, somewhat, in control of things.  

“You need to make time for your family no matter what happens in your life” ― Matthew Quick, The Silver Linings Playbook

Let the shopping and packing start.  There are a lot things to buy to take home. The most requested items are: vitamins and supplements, Victoria Secret’s body lotions, Lindt Chocolates. I will also brings bagels and pita chips for the family.

Similar to how I felt about the vaccine, I was unsure about traveling to Brazil.  Then, at the moment I bought the tickets, it just felt right. AS if everything fell in place, and all is right in the world.

I feel blessed, yet again, for the freedom of coming and going.  Mask or no mask!

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ― Marcel Proust