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Category Archives: Dating

Eliminating the distractions

09 Thursday May 2019

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“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” ― Winston S. Churchill

Distractions comes in all shapes and sizes and varieties.  One of the major distractions for me are people.  They cloud my vision.  They provide instant, but temporary gratification.  They feed my attention seeking self.  They come in and out of my life whenever they please and they keep me from focusing on the important things and people.

They are not to blame.  I am to blame.  I leave the door open.  I welcome them.  It is like I am willing to re-read the same book over and over again, knowing that I am going to hate the ending.

And time and time again, they disappear, leaving behind the certainty that they should never have returned to begin with.  That I should never have welcomed them.

“Stop letting other people hijack your day.” ― Frank Sonnenberg

Right now there are 3 men that I can think of that I allow to mess with my feelings and life with these comings and goings.  This is mostly in texting and phone calls, but the disturbance is there no matter what.  And the feeling that I shouldn’t be talking to them is also there.

There is AL, the very young one that still populates my wildest imaginations.  I have written about him a few times. I am always in search of permission to go ahead and talk to him, even though he is married and we always end up in very racy flirty texts. He comes in and all of a sudden we are both reliving the past in texts that do nothing except frustrate me.

I haven’t seen AL since he got married (almost 2 years ago).  I think we both realized that meeting would lead to disaster.

“How tragic it is to find that an entire lifetime is wasted in pursuit of distractions while purpose is neglected.” ― Sunday Adelaja

Then there is JW.  Someone I also wrote about it here.  We never seemed to be single at the same time.  With him there is no sexual tension but there is always that “what if” permeating every conversation.  And then there was that one time when he called me out of the blue and said “I will always love you”.  It blew my mind.  Yeah, I fall those lines.

With JW there is no flirty texts or such things.  With him is more intelligent phone conversations, but still my mind and hearts races.

I haven’t seen JW since he started going out with the woman that is now his wife.  We talk about meeting for a drink to talk about business and writing, but it never happened.

Then there is FL.  He doesn’t resurface often, but when he does he makes me feel like the most wanted woman in the Universe.  I bask in his attention.  I never wanted him in the first place.  Then he returns after so long and my mind starts playing tricks on me.  He planned meetings that never happened.  He laid low for a couple of weeks and now has returned again.

“Frequently we do not leave the past behind. We clasp on to it. We dissect it, and let fears for the future, tempered by the past, unconsciously prevent us from taking up the task eternal.” ― Ray Simpson

In all these 3 cases, even though it involves different dynamic and history, I now realize that I am not a player, I am the toy.  Things are not as fun when you realize that.  I thought that all was fine because I was aware of what I was doing and I had no intention of having an affair with any of them. I saw them all as fun and entertainment, something to distract my mind from the stress of work.

Then I realized that I was doing myself more harm than good.  These innocent flirting are not so harmless after-all.  By entertaining ideas of things that would never happened (having an affair) I was detracting my focus and energy from all that is really important, from the people that come into my life for the right reasons.

Leaving the door always open to the past is a huge mistake.  The past is the past and should stay there.  Perhaps I should just revisit to remind myself of mistakes I should not repeat.

“We rarely find answers in the distractions. But oh what possibilities live within the quiet of solitude.   In my fear to be alone, I distracted myself away from
the deep beauty of my own solitude.” ― Scott Stabile

I have asked myself if were they fully committed to being with me would I want them?  I think the answer is no.  I only seem to want them because they are unavailable.

With all of them I keep thinking that we could be friends, but we can’t really.  I have this fantasy idea of friends for life.  I need to grow up.  Just because somebody had a page in a chapter of my life it doesn’t mean that they have to have a role in the rest of the book.  I get to write it the way I want it with the characters I want.

I decided to get off this hamster wheel.  It hasn’t been easy.  I thought about writing to them and explaining myself but decided against it.  JW called last week.  I hadn’t hear from him in probably 3 or 4 months.  I didn’t answer the phone.  AL texted yesterday.  First text since March 8th.  I have not replied. FL sent messages yesterday and today.

Today I blocked them all.  Time to clean up.  It is tough as these men have been such a huge part of my life and history for so long.  A couple of times I went back and unblocked them.  But now I am standing firm and putting myself first.

I need to make sure that my actions are in line with my goals.

“We lead our lives so poorly because we arrive in the present always unprepared, incapable, and too distracted for everything.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

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Crazy stressed and still so blessed!

15 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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I know I have been sounding like a broken record, but this audit I am going through at work is driving me crazy.  I am so crazed that on Wednesday night I took the wrong train home.  I was not even the same train line.  I traveled 1 hour out of my way and then had to get an Uber and take another hour to get home.

The audit has no end in sight, but there will be a break.  I am leaving for Brazil on Tuesday.  I come back on the 26th.  They agreed to wait to continue when I return.

I am doing my usual trip home to see my family and bring my mom back for a vacation. So when I come back there will be the usual trips to the casinos and stores.

I told someone that I was going to get a break from work and he responded:  Yes, but when you come back all will be right here waiting for you.  He said it in a negative  tone that I didn’t really appreciate.

I replied: Thanks Heaven for that!  Can you imagine if I am back and unemployed?

There is always a blessing in everything.  Work and stress gets to me, but still I realize that my blessings are numerous.  I really have no right to complain about anything.

“Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Focus on your character, not your reputation.
Focus on your blessings, not your misfortunes.” 
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

 

Cruel or just clueless?

29 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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“I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I’ve been knocking from the inside.” – Rumi

If you have been reading this blog from the beginning, you know that I started it 7 years ago due to a broken heart that was making me go insane.  This blog allowed me to get all the pain out without hurting others or myself.

All my readers/friends have been instrumental in getting me to where I am today: happy, free, ready to love again.  It took me years to be totally over the the person that broke my heart.  He is mostly a name from the past, a chapter in the book of my life that I don’t care to re-read.

Today, I get this email, that he made sure to send to both my professional and personal emails.

“Subject: Happy Birthday to my favorite twins in the whole wide world

I’m pretty sure that I remember you have a birthday at the end of March although I don’t know the number I remember that it’s a little bit before Nancy’s (one of his sisters) birthday please give each other a hug and a kiss from me and all the best wishes and love to you and your entire family

If you allow it I’d love to take you both out for lunch or dinner in New Rochelle or the city or White Plains anything that would work for either of you I would like to try to work out

Love”

I was annoyed at receiving that.  How dare he make this attempt to make it seem that we can have a regular friendly relationship?

I don’t hold any grudges over anyone or anything.  I normally always keep the door open for people to come and go as they please.  If anything I give too many second chances.  I am friends with guys I dated, and I am always willing to let everyone back in.  I believe in second chances and redemption.

But with him it is different.  I believed with all my heart he was the One.

The pain was too intense.  The betrayal was too raw.  The disrespect was uncalled for in every way.  There was the game playing and manipulation.  Knowing I was in pain he made it seem there was a chance to reconcile.  I am ashamed to say that there was a point back there when I was willing to overlook everything to just be with him.  I thank the heavens that in the end he never wanted to work things out.

And then there was the fact that he never acknowledged the cheating and never said sorry.

I forgive, I forgave, and I forget… for the most part, until he decides to rear his ugly head.

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”  ― Rumi

Dates and Updates: the very young, the poor and the complicated

11 Monday Mar 2019

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Update on dates:

The 33yr old guy. I knew that he was not dating material because of the age difference.  I was hoping we could have been friends as he was one of the nicest men I ever met.

He offered my sister a job and had said that there were no strings attached, that I was doing him a favor if she took the job.  He wanted me to stop by his store.  So on a Saturday I did.  He showed me around and at one point tried to hug me.  I pretended I didn’t understand it and moved away.

Immediately after vising the store we went out to lunch and had a great time laughing as old friends. We said good bye with a hug and there was no hint that there was anything wrong.  Then he disappeared. I got worried as this was a person that was texting me daily, many times to just say hi.

I reached out and after a few days he texted back saying that he had taken a few days off for vacation.   Whatever happened was just too odd, and I could tell something was off.  So I just let things fade away.  And my sister is staying away also.

Some things I cannot understand at the moment, but I thank my guardian angels and move on.  This is such a case.

“With the world as with people, you know only the tiny percentage you pay close attention to.” ― Steve Toutonghi, Side Life

The 48yr old student/professor. He was smart and fun.  He had asked me on a second date for Thursday and we said we would be in touch and decide where to go.

Then after a long silence he wrote to say that I was amazing but that he didn’t have a car and finances to treat me the way I deserved.  It was the weirdest text ever.  Full of compliments and then declaring poverty.

I normally never drive to meet anyone on the first date.  When I met him I decided to step outside my comfort zone and drive to his town, 20 minutes away and meet him at a lounge there.  I had one drink that probably cost $7.00.  While we didn’t talk about finances, I never made any comments about wanting to be wined and dined and he made it seem that he was not struggling.

I am not sure what he was angling here.  Did he want me to be driving to meet him all the time and to always pay for the dates?

That is definitely not happening.  While I have no problem paying my way or taking turns paying I am not about to start supporting anyone.  I respect and applaud his decision to go back to school and to get another degree but I don’t know him well enough to go down that road.

So I joked that that was the nicest let down ever.  He continued to text and said that he still wanted to see me.  I just said that we would continue talking and perhaps meet again, but we haven’t texted ever since.  I am not sure if friendship is an option either.

“Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.” ― Suze Orman

Complicated D.  Yesterday was date number Five with D.  Not that I am keeping track 😉

I am not sure where it will go. I am trying hard not to have any expectations and to take things for what they are at the moment: two friends having dinner and getting to know each other.

This is how it normally goes: We meet at a restaurant. Have a fun time with great food and great conversation. After dinner we normally take a walk to my destination, the train, or my building.

We do some kissing good bye, a bit more passionate now, but nothing embarrassing. Then we do a bit of texting every other day until we meet again.

It seems everything is hanging in the balance until the sale of his house.  Until this house is sold nothing will happen. No divorce. No freedom.  It is a very expensive house, so it will not be that easy to sell.  I have my fingers crossed that his life gets uncomplicated soon.  In a way this waiting is good.  It forces us to go slow and not rush into anything.

“Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? It’s no coincidence we call them ‘deadlines.” ― Tom Robbins

Enjoying the wait while dreaming of the future

05 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“You are a child of the universe, 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” 
― Max Ehrmann

I had another date with D.  This time he drove to my town on Saturday night.  We met at 9pm at a wine bar called Gnarly Vine.  We shared a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine.  We were there until 11:45pm.  We would have stayed longer but they normally close at 10:30pm.  We were the last ones to leave.

As usual we had a great time talking about everything.  He gave me a better insight on his various businesses.  I enjoyed mostly talking about the trips we want to take together.

He held my hand and mentioned how special he thinks I am and how happy he is to have found me.  Again he expressed his wish to have his house sold soon and be done with the divorce.  Again I tried to reassure him that I will be patient and wait.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.” -― Rainer Maria Rilke

In the meantime I manage my impatience by still being on dating sites and going on dates.  I told him about that and he seemed to understand.  I probably didn’t need to tell him that, but I don’t want miscommunication.   I pretend I don’t really care if he ever gets divorced, but after 4 dates I am really growing to like him and to dream about the possibility of a future together.

At this point he seems very sincere in his words, transparent in his actions and really interested in a future together. I am taking the “wait and see” approach. I am enjoying the moment regardless of the outcome.

Up to now there was only a couple of quick kisses, but that changed when he walked me home after the date on Saturday.  In the lobby of my building we exchanged some kisses that made me crave more of him.

He is also started texting more. I think he is starting to believe that this can become serious.

“A warrior of the Light is never in a hurry.  Time works in his favor; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.” ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light

So, on that note yesterday I had a date with a student/professor.  A. is 48 years old and lives in a neighboring town.  He teaches and is also working on his second PhD, to go along with his many other degrees.  The conversation was stimulating to see the least.  We talked for many hours.  I think I would be the injection of fun that he needs in his life.  Last night after the date he sent me a text: “Really enjoyed being with you and wish the night didn’t have to end.  Attractive, caring, intelligence.”

He was a very nice man and last night asked for a second date on Thursday. I said yes, but now I am not sure. I guess there is no harm in seeing him again.

“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.” – Vincent van Gogh

 

Another date, another job

21 Thursday Feb 2019

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“Whatever it takes to finish things, finish. You will learn more from a glorious failure than you ever will from something you never finished.” ― Neil Gaiman

Closing.  It went well. It was the first time meeting my attorney.  Up to now all was done through email and phone.  I will not use him again. He did his job but, as I mentioned previously,  I don’t agree with a couple of things that he did that make me believe he was working more for the other side.

I thought I would feel a bit sad about selling this apartment, which was the first apartment I bought, but there was none of that.  I was happy to have this process finished.

My life is a little simpler now.  One less tenant to worry about.

“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

B33. After the closing I went on a date.  The restaurant I wanted to go to was closed for vacation so we met at another good one called Posto 22.  I had eggplant parmagiana with angel hair bolognese and he had the Salmon with spinach. All delicious.

This guy is much younger than I am.  He is 33, I am going to be 53 next month.  He looks his age, I look younger, so together, honestly,  we didn’t seem a mismatch.  Still he is way too young to be a boyfriend.  We met more as friends – well, he wants more than that.

He is originally from Albania. He was extremely nice, polite and a gentleman. When I mentioned my sister is returning from Brazil and looking for a job he offered her a job at his store.  And she is taking it.  This is the second time I go on a date and return home with a job for her.

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.” ― Haruki Murakami

A lunch date with D.   Today I went on a third date with D.  We went to Kellary Tavern, which is an amazing Greek restaurant in Manhattan.  I had vegetables croquette and he had some spinach pastry for appetizer.  For entree I had the Salmon with lentils and beets and he had the Mahi Mahi with potatoes.  Everything was divine.

He remains such a great guy.  His life is still complicated. I think it will take a long time for his house to sell because it is very expensive.  I am still willing to give him a chance if we ever get to that point.  At this point all we have are some meals together where we talk about everything.  It never gets too romantic.  Also he is shy, so I get the feeling that at times he wants to say more but holds back.

After lunch he walked me to the station. We said good bye with a couple of pecks on the lips.  I think there is chemistry but until we actually have some real passionate kisses and time together I won’t know.  He again asked me for patience.  I agreed and again said that he should take his time and do what he needs to do.

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
― Fulton J. Sheen

 

Love is coming soon, but dental surgery is here now

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  ― Paulo Coelho

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Valentine’s Day has become one of the most commercial holidays around, but still despite that,  I still enjoy seeing the love in the air.  Men carrying flowers and chocolates home to their wives. Red hearts everywhere.  I love all that.

It is the perfect excuse to think about old friends and reach out and say hi and I love you.  I have done that.  I reached out to some friends and wished them a great holiday!

I don’t have a Valentine tonight but still I am so happy and full of love.  Life is beautiful!  I have so many reason to be grateful!

My plan for tonight is to go get a massage, then have something exciting for dinner.  Which I am not sure what that is yet, but it will be followed by something sweet.

D., the man I have written about before, the one that asked me to be patient while he untangles his life texted me today.  Honestly I was not sure he would think of it. He doesn’t text often and doesn’t text long.  He will send one or 2 texts every 2 or 3 days.

I am surprisingly okay with that.  He mentioned wanting to go real slow.  It is better this way, then to be bombarded with texts while he cannot really make any commitment.  This is really different that what I am used to.  It is worth a shot, specially since it doesn’t really require an investment from me. What have I got to lose?

Today he just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day and said he is looking forward to seeing me soon.  He also talked about the weather.  He is not in town at the moment.  He is on business trip on the West Coast.  Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to make conversation lol

Stay tuned…

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

I am still online dating, but decided not to have any dates tonight.  I have a couple of dates scheduled for the weekend but I am seriously thinking about canceling.   I am not that excited about either one, so it all seems like a waste of time fro them and for me.

Also, I am having yet another dental surgery tomorrow, so I will probably not feel like talking too much over the weekend.  This is a repeat of the laser surgery I had done before.  I thought it had worked, but the area didn’t improve and the x-rays actually say it is worst.

This time it will be even more painful as he will attempt to go even deeper and clean more the area around the implant.   At least it will not be painful in my pockets as he offered to do this again for free.  It is likely that it will not work again and that in 3 to 6 months I will have to go in cut one implant out and do a bone graph in the area in an attempt to save the other 2 implants attached to this troublesome one.  But I need to do all I can to try to save this one implant before I give up on it.

Fingers crossed.  I am asking you all to please send me angels and prayers.  The surgery is scheduled for 12 pm NY time.

Thank you and until then love, love, love and say so!

I leave you with some great words to read and live by:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

 

Chivalry is not dead, and neither are some old boyfriends

08 Friday Feb 2019

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“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”  – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

The cutest thing happened today.  I have been the recipient of chivalry and it felt so good.

Today I decided to take a taxi to work from the train station instead of walking 11 blocks.  It was raining and I was carrying a huge bag of bagels, cream cheese and butter.

When the cab stopped to let me out, and as I was paying, this guy comes and opens my door.  I was startled and said thank you.  Then I felt silly for saying thank you because I imagined that he was wanting to get in the cab and was trying to hurry me along.

I paid and got out.  He closed the door and proceeded to walk along me.  I asked him:  Aren’t you getting in the cab?  He said: no.  Oh, I said, thank you so much that was nice.  It doesn’t happen often.

He smiled a big beautiful white smile and said: it should.  I do it all the time.

I smiled and turned the corner and he proceeded to go straight. We were both looking back and smiling at each other.

This nice gesture put a little extra spring on my step today.

***

“Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business, that’s what.”  – ― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

Yesterday there must have been something in the water or the moon was in a special way.  Three men from the past reached out.

I think it has to do with Valentine’s Day approaching.  Seeing all the hearts and advertisement telling us that we all need to be coupled.   Or perhaps they are feeling extra lonely and thinking of all of the ones that got away.

Anthony-  He works in Risk Management.   We had met online and started a phone and texting relationship, but we never met.  We were getting along great and he was trying to get his schedule in order for us to meet, then he just disappeared.

This is now his excuse and I quote: “Between my new job, settling in a place and my Mom was sick for a while. I did not have time to myself.”

Why can’t people just say what is going on instead of disappearing?  I will never know the real reason why he disappeared.  I don’t really care at this point.

I may meet him as a friend.  Once something like that happens it turns me off romantically but I like to keep an open mind as far as making new friends.

“Conscience is no more than the dead speaking to us.”  – ― Jim Carroll

Peter – He is a stockbroker.  I have written a few blog posts about him.  We had a few dates, everything seemed fine, and then he turned distant.  He is the guy that took me to the Opera.  See his text below.

I don’t have a problem saying hello every now and then or even having a drink as friends, but I am definitely not interested in romance.

Frankie- works for the NY court system.  I have written about him in the past.  We had a few dates 12 years ago (he actually remembered the exact day we met).  I broke it off saying I was too busy to date.  It does sound like an excuse.  I do not remember why I broke things off.

Anyway, I mostly ignore him, especially since he told me he has had a girlfriend since we broke up.  I am not interested in him romantically, but don’t want to meet as friends either.  I don’t want any issues.

At one point I asked him why he continues texting me when I mostly ignore him.  He said:  because you are an awesome person and I want to be your friend.

He will text good morning or good night sometimes.  He will text about any holiday we may have. Or he will say: hi stranger.   I mostly don’t reply to his texts.   But not matter what, few or even several months will go by and he will say hello again.  I have to admire his tenacity.

This is his text from last night.

Since he has sent me brownies a couple of times in the past for my birthday  I am not shocked that he thought about taking me out for Valentine’s Day.  This time I had to reply and find out what he was thinking.  He wasn’t thinking, that is the answer.  I cannot blame a guy for trying.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

A second date yeah!

06 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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D. texted and asked me out for lunch on Sunday.  I said yes.

We met at Ipanema Restaurant, a Brazilian restaurant located on 46th Street.  I have been there before and I like the food and drinks.  He said I could order for him.  I was okay with that, since I was in my element.  I choose for appetizers cheese bread and a variety of empanadas (beef, cheese and hearts of palm).  For the entree we had sizzling picanha (top sirloin), rice, beans and potatoes.  Everything was delicious.  To drink he had the original caipirinha, a Brazilian signature drink made out of cachaça (sugar cane alcohol), lime and sugar.  I had a passion cosmo – a cosmopolitan made with cachaça and passion fruit.  He had 2, I had 1, but I could easily have had more if it was in the evening and we had been there longer.

Even though I was full and had no room for dessert, I could not pass on the opportunity of getting brigadeiro (chocolate fudge truffles) and beijinho (coconut cream truffles), so I ordered dessert to go.

The second date didn’t disappoint.  Conversation flowed as if we had known each other for years.  We talked about our favorite movies, about the sale of my apartment and how he hopes his house sells soon, among many other topics.

He is shy, and I am not.   I see a lot differences and also a lot of similarities.  I already find myself working extra hard to find issues with him. I do that when I like someone.  I am trying very hard not to do that.  I am making a choice here to be open minded, to give it time, to be vulnerable and not to sabotage what can be a good thing.

Towards the end of the meal he became serious and said that he wanted to ask me to be patient with him.  I don’t remember his exact words, as he was nervous and it seemed that it all came out at once, but he said something like: “I like you a lot. You are a special person.  I am not saying I am getting you a ring on Tuesday, but I am not interested in looking for anybody else. I am longer on Match.  But my life is complicated now and I have a lot to get resolved. I want you to know I am serious but for the next few weeks I am going to be very busy and it will be awhile until my life is sorted out.”  He also mentioned taking the slow route.

“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” – Moliere

He said a lot more, but I cannot remember it all.  When he mentioned a ring, I jokingly removed my ring so he could see the size.  He laughed and he too my hand in his.  He held and caressed my hand while he was talking.  It felt so amazing to have someone hold my hand and look into my eyes.  I could see and feel his care, honesty and vulnerability.

He is still living and working with the ex-wife.  They have the house and businesses to sort it out.  Then there are the teenage kids that don’t know about the divorce yet.  They think that they are both living on different wings of the house because they are on different sleep schedules due to the business travel that both do.  He said that he is going along with her wishes not to say anything yet.

There were things that he told me that he didn’t have to.  I rather not say too much here. I find his honesty refreshing.  He is somewhat like me. I just tell the truth even if that is not going to paint me in a good light.  I like that he didn’t try to sugarcoat his situation and minimize how complicated it really is.  I rather have the truth than promises and pretty lies.

I know it will be a long road, but at this point I don’t feel he is asking too much. There is really nothing going on between us yet.  He is not asking for me to stop dating and sit at home and wait for him.  He just asked me to be patient with him and his situation.  I am not a patient person but I am taking this opportunity to exercise those never used patience muscles.

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.”  – Paulo Coelho

I said to him:  Do what you need to do.  I like you and I hope to see you again.  Just don’t just disappear without letting me know.

It is weird.  This is only the second date but it felt for a second that we were discussing the rest of our lives. It felt as if we were ready to plan a future together.

After he paid the bill, we walked out arm in arm on the streets of Manhattan. It was a beautiful day.  It was just cold enough to feel alive and to notice it is winter.

We got to the corner of 42nd and Fifth Avenue, where we had to part ways. He was taking the subway to rush to some meeting.  I was taking the train home.  He hugged and kissed me good bye. It was more passionate than a peck, but nothing crazy or embarrassing.  I wanted a little more passion but then again I am Brazilian, I always want more passion, even if I am in the middle of a busy street.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” – Thomas Merton

There are a lot things I like about him and I cannot wait to see him again.  He asked if I was open to breakfast and lunch dates during the week.  His evenings are complicated.  I said I was.  I don’t have lunch breaks at work, but I can come and go as I please so I can meet any time.  Of course meeting during the day will not afford us the chance to be more passionate and see if the chemistry is really there as I think it is but it will give us the chance to continue to find out more about each other.

Since he is traveling this week, he asked me out on the 15th, Friday.  But immediately he looked at his phone and realized that perhaps it will be too late. He showed me his itinerary on his phone and his flight had just been changed to come in later than originally scheduled. So we will play ear on that and try to meet before then also.

Too bad that on Valentine’s Day he will be out of town, not that he would be able to meet if he was in town, but a girl can hope.

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne

One fear I have is: Is he a doormat?  I don’t want to be with a doormat.  I get him not wanting to rock the boat for the sake of the kids. It seems that at this moment he is doing everything the soon to be Ex wants. He doesn’t seem he has a voice.  It seems he never had one in this relationship.

I am going to stop overthinking one way or another.  No one is perfect, no situation is perfect.  At this moment he feels right to me, so I am going to wait and see.  And in the meantime still be open to meeting other people.

I will try my hardest not to be pushy and want to rush thing and have unrealistic expectations.

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Awful food but an awesome date

30 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 29 Comments

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On Friday night I had an awesome dinner date with such a sweet gentleman.  The date was awesome because of how nice he was and how the conversation just flowed, not because of the food.  The restaurant was disappointing.

When he said he was taking me to Allora, I Googled it and was excited when I saw all the great reviews.  I also looked at the cocktail menu and found a drink I wanted to try.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes earlier and went downstairs to the bathroom, by the time I returned he was already at the bar waiting for me.  He was just like his picture and I could tell he was a little on the shy side.

We chose to sit at a table right away instead of lingering at the bar.  When the waiter comes to take our drink order I asked for the drink menu.  He said he didn’t have one.  I was confused, as there was one on the website, so I insisted: are you sure you don’t have a cocktail list?

He said:  “This is not that kind of place.” I was a little put off by that comment.  Then he added: “The bartender can make you anything you want”. He said that the old manager had created the cocktail list, but the new manager removed it.  It would have been nice if they had updated their website.

Mr. D., my date, ordered an octopus appetizer.  I was game for trying it. My date said it was not well prepared.  I agreed with him.  Even though I never had octopus before this could have used some more seasoning.

The Rigatoni Bolognese was bland and almost completely meatless. The beef ravioli, which I don’t even know what was the filling because it didn’t taste at all like beef, was just awful.  It came covered in cranberry sauce. They should have mentioned that it was covered in the sweet sauce when we asked what the ravioli of the day was.  The waiter only said beef.

In retrospect I should have complained about the food especially because of the price charged.  I didn’t pay or see the bill but there were prices on the menu.  I had already done my share of complaining about the drink menu I didn’t want to bring negativity to the evening. I also didn’t want him to feel bad for having chosen the restaurant.

The conversation was flowing and we were having such a great time that the food seemed like an afterthought.

At one point I went to the bathroom again and I got back and the waiter is waiting with the dessert cart.  My date looked at me and said: “I knew you would want it”.  I thought that was cute since I had previously mentioned I had a sweet tooth.  We shared some kind of chocolate mousse cake.  It was just good.

I am not sure why all the great reviews.  Perhaps we just ordered the wrong food or the chef had an off day. I will never go back and would never recommend it.

“I dwell in possibility…”  – ― Emily Dickinson

After the dinner we walked to the train station and he offered me his arm.  It was all so easy and effortless.  At my train track we continued talking for a few more minutes.  We talked about taking a skiing trip together.

Then we hugged good bye and we kissed twice on the lips – just quick pecks.  I definitely would have been okay with more, even though I don’t particular care for kissing on the first date.  I guess I am changing my stance on that.  The kiss is a great way to see if chemistry is really there or it isn’t.

I will definitely go on a second date if he asks me. He seemed interested but since the date we have texted a little with both of us talking about being busy at work and not much more than that.  This time I honestly have no idea if a second date will happen or not.

I am inclined to think it will not as I find that most guys will ask me out right away.  If they don’t then things normally fizzles out.  Perhaps it is a New York thing.  Everyone is always moving on to the next thing instead of focusing on what/who is at hand. Or perhaps people always think that there will be someone else better out there.

I know he has a lot on his plate, perhaps it is even a little too early for him to start dating.  He is still only separated, has kids, still living with the spouse.  They are trying to sell the house and go their separate ways. They also share a variety of businesses that they are trying to get sorted it out.

He is very busy, but that is an excuse that I don’t accept.  If someone is online dating, and interested in someone, then they will make the time.  Otherwise they are just not interested.

All I know is that he was smart, open, honest, and such a gentleman.  He was an absolute joy to be with.  I could see hints of sparks and chemistry. Fingers crossed.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” -― Nicholas Sparks,  The Notebook