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Another date, another job

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“Whatever it takes to finish things, finish. You will learn more from a glorious failure than you ever will from something you never finished.” ― Neil Gaiman

Closing.  It went well. It was the first time meeting my attorney.  Up to now all was done through email and phone.  I will not use him again. He did his job but, as I mentioned previously,  I don’t agree with a couple of things that he did that make me believe he was working more for the other side.

I thought I would feel a bit sad about selling this apartment, which was the first apartment I bought, but there was none of that.  I was happy to have this process finished.

My life is a little simpler now.  One less tenant to worry about.

“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

B33. After the closing I went on a date.  The restaurant I wanted to go to was closed for vacation so we met at another good one called Posto 22.  I had eggplant parmagiana with angel hair bolognese and he had the Salmon with spinach. All delicious.

This guy is much younger than I am.  He is 33, I am going to be 53 next month.  He looks his age, I look younger, so together, honestly,  we didn’t seem a mismatch.  Still he is way too young to be a boyfriend.  We met more as friends – well, he wants more than that.

He is originally from Albania. He was extremely nice, polite and a gentleman. When I mentioned my sister is returning from Brazil and looking for a job he offered her a job at his store.  And she is taking it.  This is the second time I go on a date and return home with a job for her.

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.” ― Haruki Murakami

A lunch date with D.   Today I went on a third date with D.  We went to Kellary Tavern, which is an amazing Greek restaurant in Manhattan.  I had vegetables croquette and he had some spinach pastry for appetizer.  For entree I had the Salmon with lentils and beets and he had the Mahi Mahi with potatoes.  Everything was divine.

He remains such a great guy.  His life is still complicated. I think it will take a long time for his house to sell because it is very expensive.  I am still willing to give him a chance if we ever get to that point.  At this point all we have are some meals together where we talk about everything.  It never gets too romantic.  Also he is shy, so I get the feeling that at times he wants to say more but holds back.

After lunch he walked me to the station. We said good bye with a couple of pecks on the lips.  I think there is chemistry but until we actually have some real passionate kisses and time together I won’t know.  He again asked me for patience.  I agreed and again said that he should take his time and do what he needs to do.

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
― Fulton J. Sheen

 

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Pains and lessons

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“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” –― C.S. Lewis

I had the laser surgery on my gums on Friday. By now, Monday, I no longer have any pain in the area but the antibiotic is killing my stomach.

I have to take Doxycycline Hyclate 100 mg for 10 days.  This antibiotic has to be taken on an empty stomach.  The dentist said not to have anything, specially with calcium,  for 2 hours before and 2 hours after taking it.

It is making me nauseous and giving me severe pains.  This morning I threw up 5 minutes after taking it.  It came back up so fast I didn’t have a change to make it to the bathroom.

I was so happy to have this extra day to stay at home and recuperate.  Today was a holiday in the US – President’s Day.  I feel lethargic and tired from non-eating solid food for 2 days.

I have just taken the nightly dosage now but I made some changes and it appears that it is working.  Instead of waiting 2 hours after eating, I only waited 1 hour.  I also drank only 1 glass of water instead of 2.  I think my stomach cannot take that much liquid at once.

Another thing I did was to put a heating pad on my stomach.  For some reason I thought the warmth in the area would make me feel better.  It is actually working.  My stomach is hurting but I have a high threshold for pain, so at this point it is manageable.

Tomorrow I am calling the dentist to talk to him about this issue.

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

***

The closing on the sale of my apartment is finally just a couple of days away.   It is scheduled for Wednesday late afternoon.  Also scheduled for that time is snow.  We shall see if it will happen or if it will have to be re-scheduled.

The attorney did and say a couple of things that I didn’t like, I am not going to get into the details of what he did at this point.  I did mention to him that he seemed to be working for the the buyer and not for me.  He said he was offended I said that and that all he did was to help me sell my property.  I decided to agree to disagree at this point and just get this done.

Selling this apartment has taught me so much.  Next time I will do a couple of different things, such as:

  • Price. I will set the price to what I really want to get and not set it lower to start a bidding war. That may work for some people but in my case I think it was not done correctly. For that to work I needed to have a more aggressive realtor.
  • Realtor.  When signing an agreement with the realtor, I will have a clause that says that if the Buyer doesn’t have a realtor, the fee I have to pay will be lower.
  • Attorney.  I will not assume that a professional is doing what he is getting paid to do.  I often don’t want to offend people. I don’t want to tell people how to do their job.  But often, by the time I realize that they didn’t do everything I needed them to do it is too late.  I will learn to speak up early in the game.

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent” -― Madeleine K. Albright

Love is coming soon, but dental surgery is here now

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“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  ― Paulo Coelho

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Valentine’s Day has become one of the most commercial holidays around, but still despite that,  I still enjoy seeing the love in the air.  Men carrying flowers and chocolates home to their wives. Red hearts everywhere.  I love all that.

It is the perfect excuse to think about old friends and reach out and say hi and I love you.  I have done that.  I reached out to some friends and wished them a great holiday!

I don’t have a Valentine tonight but still I am so happy and full of love.  Life is beautiful!  I have so many reason to be grateful!

My plan for tonight is to go get a massage, then have something exciting for dinner.  Which I am not sure what that is yet, but it will be followed by something sweet.

D., the man I have written about before, the one that asked me to be patient while he untangles his life texted me today.  Honestly I was not sure he would think of it. He doesn’t text often and doesn’t text long.  He will send one or 2 texts every 2 or 3 days.

I am surprisingly okay with that.  He mentioned wanting to go real slow.  It is better this way, then to be bombarded with texts while he cannot really make any commitment.  This is really different that what I am used to.  It is worth a shot, specially since it doesn’t really require an investment from me. What have I got to lose?

Today he just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day and said he is looking forward to seeing me soon.  He also talked about the weather.  He is not in town at the moment.  He is on business trip on the West Coast.  Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to make conversation lol

Stay tuned…

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

I am still online dating, but decided not to have any dates tonight.  I have a couple of dates scheduled for the weekend but I am seriously thinking about canceling.   I am not that excited about either one, so it all seems like a waste of time fro them and for me.

Also, I am having yet another dental surgery tomorrow, so I will probably not feel like talking too much over the weekend.  This is a repeat of the laser surgery I had done before.  I thought it had worked, but the area didn’t improve and the x-rays actually say it is worst.

This time it will be even more painful as he will attempt to go even deeper and clean more the area around the implant.   At least it will not be painful in my pockets as he offered to do this again for free.  It is likely that it will not work again and that in 3 to 6 months I will have to go in cut one implant out and do a bone graph in the area in an attempt to save the other 2 implants attached to this troublesome one.  But I need to do all I can to try to save this one implant before I give up on it.

Fingers crossed.  I am asking you all to please send me angels and prayers.  The surgery is scheduled for 12 pm NY time.

Thank you and until then love, love, love and say so!

I leave you with some great words to read and live by:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

 

Chivalry is not dead, and neither are some old boyfriends

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“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”  – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

The cutest thing happened today.  I have been the recipient of chivalry and it felt so good.

Today I decided to take a taxi to work from the train station instead of walking 11 blocks.  It was raining and I was carrying a huge bag of bagels, cream cheese and butter.

When the cab stopped to let me out, and as I was paying, this guy comes and opens my door.  I was startled and said thank you.  Then I felt silly for saying thank you because I imagined that he was wanting to get in the cab and was trying to hurry me along.

I paid and got out.  He closed the door and proceeded to walk along me.  I asked him:  Aren’t you getting in the cab?  He said: no.  Oh, I said, thank you so much that was nice.  It doesn’t happen often.

He smiled a big beautiful white smile and said: it should.  I do it all the time.

I smiled and turned the corner and he proceeded to go straight. We were both looking back and smiling at each other.

This nice gesture put a little extra spring on my step today.

***

“Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business, that’s what.”  – ― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

Yesterday there must have been something in the water or the moon was in a special way.  Three men from the past reached out.

I think it has to do with Valentine’s Day approaching.  Seeing all the hearts and advertisement telling us that we all need to be coupled.   Or perhaps they are feeling extra lonely and thinking of all of the ones that got away.

Anthony-  He works in Risk Management.   We had met online and started a phone and texting relationship, but we never met.  We were getting along great and he was trying to get his schedule in order for us to meet, then he just disappeared.

This is now his excuse and I quote: Between my new job, settling in a place and my Mom was sick for a while. I did not have time to myself.”

Why can’t people just say what is going on instead of disappearing?  I will never know the real reason why he disappeared.  I don’t really care at this point.

I may meet him as a friend.  Once something like that happens it turns me off romantically but I like to keep an open mind as far as making new friends.

“Conscience is no more than the dead speaking to us.”  – ― Jim Carroll

Peter – He is a stockbroker.  I have written a few blog posts about him.  We had a few dates, everything seemed fine, and then he turned distant.  He is the guy that took me to the Opera.  See his text below.

I don’t have a problem saying hello every now and then or even having a drink as friends, but I am definitely not interested in romance.

Frankie- works for the NY court system.  I have written about him in the past.  We had a few dates 12 years ago (he actually remembered the exact day we met).  I broke it off saying I was too busy to date.  It does sound like an excuse.  I do not remember why I broke things off.

Anyway, I mostly ignore him, especially since he told me he has had a girlfriend since we broke up.  I am not interested in him romantically, but don’t want to meet as friends either.  I don’t want any issues.

At one point I asked him why he continues texting me when I mostly ignore him.  He said:  because you are an awesome person and I want to be your friend.

He will text good morning or good night sometimes.  He will text about any holiday we may have. Or he will say: hi stranger.   I mostly don’t reply to his texts.   But not matter what, few or even several months will go by and he will say hello again.  I have to admire his tenacity.

This is his text from last night.

Since he has sent me brownies a couple of times in the past for my birthday  I am not shocked that he thought about taking me out for Valentine’s Day.  This time I had to reply and find out what he was thinking.  He wasn’t thinking, that is the answer.  I cannot blame a guy for trying.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

A second date yeah!

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D. texted and asked me out for lunch on Sunday.  I said yes.

We met at Ipanema Restaurant, a Brazilian restaurant located on 46th Street.  I have been there before and I like the food and drinks.  He said I could order for him.  I was okay with that, since I was in my element.  I choose for appetizers cheese bread and a variety of empanadas (beef, cheese and hearts of palm).  For the entree we had sizzling picanha (top sirloin), rice, beans and potatoes.  Everything was delicious.  To drink he had the original caipirinha, a Brazilian signature drink made out of cachaça (sugar cane alcohol), lime and sugar.  I had a passion cosmo – a cosmopolitan made with cachaça and passion fruit.  He had 2, I had 1, but I could easily have had more if it was in the evening and we had been there longer.

Even though I was full and had no room for dessert, I could not pass on the opportunity of getting brigadeiro (chocolate fudge truffles) and beijinho (coconut cream truffles), so I ordered dessert to go.

The second date didn’t disappoint.  Conversation flowed as if we had known each other for years.  We talked about our favorite movies, about the sale of my apartment and how he hopes his house sells soon, among many other topics.

He is shy, and I am not.   I see a lot differences and also a lot of similarities.  I already find myself working extra hard to find issues with him. I do that when I like someone.  I am trying very hard not to do that.  I am making a choice here to be open minded, to give it time, to be vulnerable and not to sabotage what can be a good thing.

Towards the end of the meal he became serious and said that he wanted to ask me to be patient with him.  I don’t remember his exact words, as he was nervous and it seemed that it all came out at once, but he said something like: “I like you a lot. You are a special person.  I am not saying I am getting you a ring on Tuesday, but I am not interested in looking for anybody else. I am longer on Match.  But my life is complicated now and I have a lot to get resolved. I want you to know I am serious but for the next few weeks I am going to be very busy and it will be awhile until my life is sorted out.”  He also mentioned taking the slow route.

“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” – Moliere

He said a lot more, but I cannot remember it all.  When he mentioned a ring, I jokingly removed my ring so he could see the size.  He laughed and he too my hand in his.  He held and caressed my hand while he was talking.  It felt so amazing to have someone hold my hand and look into my eyes.  I could see and feel his care, honesty and vulnerability.

He is still living and working with the ex-wife.  They have the house and businesses to sort it out.  Then there are the teenage kids that don’t know about the divorce yet.  They think that they are both living on different wings of the house because they are on different sleep schedules due to the business travel that both do.  He said that he is going along with her wishes not to say anything yet.

There were things that he told me that he didn’t have to.  I rather not say too much here. I find his honesty refreshing.  He is somewhat like me. I just tell the truth even if that is not going to paint me in a good light.  I like that he didn’t try to sugarcoat his situation and minimize how complicated it really is.  I rather have the truth than promises and pretty lies.

I know it will be a long road, but at this point I don’t feel he is asking too much. There is really nothing going on between us yet.  He is not asking for me to stop dating and sit at home and wait for him.  He just asked me to be patient with him and his situation.  I am not a patient person but I am taking this opportunity to exercise those never used patience muscles.

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.”  – Paulo Coelho

I said to him:  Do what you need to do.  I like you and I hope to see you again.  Just don’t just disappear without letting me know.

It is weird.  This is only the second date but it felt for a second that we were discussing the rest of our lives. It felt as if we were ready to plan a future together.

After he paid the bill, we walked out arm in arm on the streets of Manhattan. It was a beautiful day.  It was just cold enough to feel alive and to notice it is winter.

We got to the corner of 42nd and Fifth Avenue, where we had to part ways. He was taking the subway to rush to some meeting.  I was taking the train home.  He hugged and kissed me good bye. It was more passionate than a peck, but nothing crazy or embarrassing.  I wanted a little more passion but then again I am Brazilian, I always want more passion, even if I am in the middle of a busy street.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” – Thomas Merton

There are a lot things I like about him and I cannot wait to see him again.  He asked if I was open to breakfast and lunch dates during the week.  His evenings are complicated.  I said I was.  I don’t have lunch breaks at work, but I can come and go as I please so I can meet any time.  Of course meeting during the day will not afford us the chance to be more passionate and see if the chemistry is really there as I think it is but it will give us the chance to continue to find out more about each other.

Since he is traveling this week, he asked me out on the 15th, Friday.  But immediately he looked at his phone and realized that perhaps it will be too late. He showed me his itinerary on his phone and his flight had just been changed to come in later than originally scheduled. So we will play ear on that and try to meet before then also.

Too bad that on Valentine’s Day he will be out of town, not that he would be able to meet if he was in town, but a girl can hope.

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne

One fear I have is: Is he a doormat?  I don’t want to be with a doormat.  I get him not wanting to rock the boat for the sake of the kids. It seems that at this moment he is doing everything the soon to be Ex wants. He doesn’t seem he has a voice.  It seems he never had one in this relationship.

I am going to stop overthinking one way or another.  No one is perfect, no situation is perfect.  At this moment he feels right to me, so I am going to wait and see.  And in the meantime still be open to meeting other people.

I will try my hardest not to be pushy and want to rush thing and have unrealistic expectations.

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Awful food but an awesome date

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On Friday night I had an awesome dinner date with such a sweet gentleman.  The date was awesome because of how nice he was and how the conversation just flowed, not because of the food.  The restaurant was disappointing.

When he said he was taking me to Allora, I Googled it and was excited when I saw all the great reviews.  I also looked at the cocktail menu and found a drink I wanted to try.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes earlier and went downstairs to the bathroom, by the time I returned he was already at the bar waiting for me.  He was just like his picture and I could tell he was a little on the shy side.

We chose to sit at a table right away instead of lingering at the bar.  When the waiter comes to take our drink order I asked for the drink menu.  He said he didn’t have one.  I was confused, as there was one on the website, so I insisted: are you sure you don’t have a cocktail list?

He said:  “This is not that kind of place.” I was a little put off by that comment.  Then he added: “The bartender can make you anything you want”. He said that the old manager had created the cocktail list, but the new manager removed it.  It would have been nice if they had updated their website.

Mr. D., my date, ordered an octopus appetizer.  I was game for trying it. My date said it was not well prepared.  I agreed with him.  Even though I never had octopus before this could have used some more seasoning.

The Rigatoni Bolognese was bland and almost completely meatless. The beef ravioli, which I don’t even know what was the filling because it didn’t taste at all like beef, was just awful.  It came covered in cranberry sauce. They should have mentioned that it was covered in the sweet sauce when we asked what the ravioli of the day was.  The waiter only said beef.

In retrospect I should have complained about the food especially because of the price charged.  I didn’t pay or see the bill but there were prices on the menu.  I had already done my share of complaining about the drink menu I didn’t want to bring negativity to the evening. I also didn’t want him to feel bad for having chosen the restaurant.

The conversation was flowing and we were having such a great time that the food seemed like an afterthought.

At one point I went to the bathroom again and I got back and the waiter is waiting with the dessert cart.  My date looked at me and said: “I knew you would want it”.  I thought that was cute since I had previously mentioned I had a sweet tooth.  We shared some kind of chocolate mousse cake.  It was just good.

I am not sure why all the great reviews.  Perhaps we just ordered the wrong food or the chef had an off day. I will never go back and would never recommend it.

“I dwell in possibility…”  – ― Emily Dickinson

After the dinner we walked to the train station and he offered me his arm.  It was all so easy and effortless.  At my train track we continued talking for a few more minutes.  We talked about taking a skiing trip together.

Then we hugged good bye and we kissed twice on the lips – just quick pecks.  I definitely would have been okay with more, even though I don’t particular care for kissing on the first date.  I guess I am changing my stance on that.  The kiss is a great way to see if chemistry is really there or it isn’t.

I will definitely go on a second date if he asks me. He seemed interested but since the date we have texted a little with both of us talking about being busy at work and not much more than that.  This time I honestly have no idea if a second date will happen or not.

I am inclined to think it will not as I find that most guys will ask me out right away.  If they don’t then things normally fizzles out.  Perhaps it is a New York thing.  Everyone is always moving on to the next thing instead of focusing on what/who is at hand. Or perhaps people always think that there will be someone else better out there.

I know he has a lot on his plate, perhaps it is even a little too early for him to start dating.  He is still only separated, has kids, still living with the spouse.  They are trying to sell the house and go their separate ways. They also share a variety of businesses that they are trying to get sorted it out.

He is very busy, but that is an excuse that I don’t accept.  If someone is online dating, and interested in someone, then they will make the time.  Otherwise they are just not interested.

All I know is that he was smart, open, honest, and such a gentleman.  He was an absolute joy to be with.  I could see hints of sparks and chemistry. Fingers crossed.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” -― Nicholas Sparks,  The Notebook

Blessings and more blessings

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“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

I had been wondering if the buyer of my apartment, who is acting as his own attorney and realtor was getting what he needed done, mostly the title search.  I thought to myself, no sense in stressing over that.  It has only been one week since we signed the contract.  Give it some time before stressing out.  But still our minds sometimes want to play tricks on us and come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios, such as “he changed his mind” or  “he wants to take longer to close”.

Sunday a friend that I speak to once in awhile forwarded me a GoFundMe request for somebody she knows.  I clicked on the link and made a donation.  I then sent her a message mentioning that I would keep that person and situation in my prayers.

She then wrote me back that she was working on the paperwork for the sale of my apartment.  What?  I was shocked.  What is she talking about?  She then explained that she has been working for the title company that is handling the title search and that my name/apartment came across her desk.   I had forgotten that she had mentioned getting a new job with a title company.  I then asked if she could expedite it.  She said that she would, on Tuesday, when she was back in the office after the holiday.

Yesterday morning, Friday, my attorney calls me to tell me that the title search is done.  That was the part that could have taken the longest.  All is needed now is some paperwork from the Condominium management company and we maybe closing next week.

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” -― Henry Ward Beecher

It is such a small world.  What are the chances that he would choose specifically the title company that my friend works for?  I believe the answer to that has to do with a few things, but mostly is the Universe paying me back for, among other things, hard work, gratitude, generosity and belief!

Good things come to those that go after what they want.  Good things come to those that work hard.  Good things come to those that do good things.  Good things come to those that are grateful for every little thing they have.  Good things come to those that believe that good things will come their way.

I believe in God (the Universe, Higher Power, the Light, whatever name someone wishes to use).  I believe in miracles, blessings, unicorns, stars on the forehead, etc.  I believe in signs from the Universe. I believe I will always be okay no matter what.

The Universe sent me peace of mind, it put people in my way to expedite my plans, it continues to provide for me.  I am feeling so special and grateful!

I choose to believe that everything is a miracle and I live as such!

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -― Albert Einstein

 

Peace at work

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“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” ― Mark Twain

Perhaps you will recall that I had been thinking of quitting my job. October and November were really tough months dealing with a new employee and feeling I was not getting any support from the other partners.

I decided to take everyone’s advice (thank you all!) and not be rash in my decision.  Even though I still dream of doing something else in the future,  for now I am staying put.

“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” ― Roy T. Bennett

A change in attitude is everything.  The woman in question and I butted heads over a specific task that I needed her to do.  To preserve my sanity I delegated the supervision of that function to somebody else.  It was hard delegating something that I created and took pride in doing, but at the end of the day it was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Letting go of having control was hard but it was absolutely the right decision.

It is a fine line between letting go and no longer caring about the job.  I can still care and not be a control freak.

“The most critical time in any battle is not when I’m fatigued, it’s when I no longer care.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

At first she would not talk or even look at me.   Still I conducted myself normally and in a friendly manner.  I can’t hold grudges, and even if I could I am still a professional so I would still treat her well.  After I stopped talking to her about work things got much better

She is trying hard now to be my friend.  She is trying too hard. She even wants me to go get a massage with her.  I am going along with the conversation but I am not becoming a best friend and doing stuff outside work.

I can appreciate the effort but I am proceeding with caution.  I am not that gullible to think that her efforts are genuine.

“At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.” ― Maya Angelou

 

The waiting game and spark-less dates

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“The happiness you are seeking is not to be found in the flow of life, but in your attitude toward whatever life brings.” ― Ramesh S. Balsekar

Life proceeds with the ups and downs.  I proceed with gratitude.  On the downs I tell myself that it will pass and I remember the ups.  Without the downs life would just be flat and boring.  At the up times I remember to be even more grateful.

SALE OF APARTMENT

The contract is signed.  I am hoping to close soon but we have to wait for the title search that normally takes 2 to 3 weeks.  For this impatient Aries having to wait is painful, but it is also a chance to learn acceptance.  So I sit back, breath and inhale patience.

I was at the apartment last night and I remembered how much I loved living there.  It is so cozy.   I moved out to go live with the ex-boyfriend.  After 3 years there he cheated on me and broke my heart, and I started this blog.

I felt a bit nostalgic.  I reminded myself the reasons why I am selling it: for simplicity, for less encurbements.  It is the end of a chapter.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” – Paulo Coelho

DATES

I have had a couple of date these past several days.  I decided to keep those 2 very short, just coffee dates.

Mr. A.  He is 61 and is a psychologist and also involved in a business venture.  We met at a nice coffee shop in my neighborhood.  His ex-wife and business partner was having issues and texting him non-stop.   For some reason I didn’t really care about that.

He is a bit too much for me.  It is hard to explain.  He talked non-stop.  I had trouble keeping up with all he was saying.  No chemistry but I think we may still become friends and bond over spirituals and zen pursuits.  Some of what I was able to grasp from what he was saying was actually interesting.

Mr. L.  He is 55 and works for the NY Federal Court System.   We met in Grand Central Station, which was very convenient for me, so I appreciated his thoughtfulness with that.  We had some pleasant conversation but I did most of the talking.  We seem to be at very different stages in life even though we are almost the same age.  Again, a good guy but not for me. Zero chemistry.

“Let yourself disappear in the darkness; if you are loved, people will come and find you with torches in their hands! Love is a great searcher; it always searches the loved one! To see who really love you, just disappear!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Going, Going, Gone!

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“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.” – Meister Eckhart

I am feeling so blessed and grateful!

My apartment is already sold!  It was in the market for a matter of days.  Now we let the attorneys do their thing and hopefully we can close in under a month.  The buyer is an attorney and he is representing himself.  He is buying it for his elderly parents.

I feel bad this is not the person that made the first offer and really wanted the place, but this buyer not only offered more money but he is paying cash.  I can’t say no to cash.  Not having to deal with bank approvals, appraisals and inspections will make this deal go so much faster.

2019 will be the year that my life takes a turn towards simplicity, towards “less is more”.  I have complete faith that if I let God (the Universe, Higher Power) guide me and I keep the faith all will be okay.  All I have to do is to continue to work hard and do/be good. Simple!

That is how I have always lived and will continue to do so no matter what!

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” – Eckhart Tolle