How to spot a fake dating profile


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I often hear stories of women who lost a lot money on romance scams.  It is hard to understand how can someone start sending money to a person they never met.  I blame loneliness.  Some people are starving for a connection, others are starving to feel needed or loved.  That combined with how clever some con-artists are and all of a sudden you find yourself wiring money.  Don’t be fooled!

It is painful to realize after corresponding with someone for awhile that their profile is fake and you have no idea who you have been talking to for the last few weeks.   Some fakes are very easy to spot.  I actually think they are bot, computer generated.  But some are very clever and can trick anyone.

I have become very clever at spotting fakes, so here some tip, s that I picked up along the way, on how to spot a fake online dating profile.  Please note this is my experience and, of course, there are exceptions.  I always rather be safe than sorry, so whenever in doubt I block the person.

  • First and foremost always Google the pictures and the content of the profile.  I cannot stress this one enough.  Often it leads you to discover that the picture is from a model and that the profile has been repeatedly used by scammers.  Even if they are legit it may lead to getting additional information on the person and confirming if what they are telling you is true. Facebook helps a lot.  There was this one guy that I was talking to that seemed very nice but when I saw his Facebook page I was shocked!  It was full of angry outbursts against government, religion, minorities, etc.  That was enough for me to realize that person was not for me.
  • Never, ever, give anyone you never met your address or other sensitive personal information.  The right man will not pressure you to do anything you are not comfortable doing.  If he keeps pressuring you for anything, then he is not for you.
  • Never, ever, send anyone money or gifts.  If a man needs to ask me for money or gifts he is not somebody I want to be dating and neither should you.

Watch out  for:

  • Profiles that are too short and  barely contains any information.  Not only signals a fake profile, but if the person didn’t bother providing any information it shows to me his level of interest in actually dating someone.
  • Profiles with no pictures.  I don’t want to have my pictures out there, but it is the price I must pay to do online dating, so I expect others to do the same.  Profiles with no pictures normally have something to hide.  In my experience most are married.
  • Profiles that mention an abundance of the following words: honesty, God-fearing, family-man, true romance, gentleman, old-fashioned, fairy-tale, dream-come-true, etc. There is something wrong with someone that needs to tell you over and over how honorable they are.
  • Profiles that are very long but they don’t contain any real information about the person.  They just go on and on about romances and fairy-tales. If you Google part of it you will probably find the same words in many different profiles, and often connected to Romance Scams.
  • He says he works in the Military/Government profession and is stationed overseas.  So far I have never come across a legit one.
  • He says that  that he works in the OIL/Gas Industry (I am in the OIl/Gas industry, so there are indeed exceptions)
  • He is working in the Middle East or some other country but will be returning soon.  When someone gives me that line I just say: contact me when you are back.
  • He is a widower, wife died of cancer and he is caring for their child alone (or some other sob story).  I did meet a widower that was real and a great person, but most often they are fake.
  • He never answers any question directly.  Doesn’t provide any real information about himself.  He either asks too many personal questions or does not ask anything.  He just goes on and on on how God-fearing and family man he is.
  • He wants to take the conversation off line and off the dating site right away.  On the first message he already sends his email and phone number and/or asks for yours. (see me sample below*)
  • It is a third party contacting you.  An employee, a cousin, father, etc. contacts you on how perfect you are for their relative, friend, etc. Not only is fake, but who would want someone that cannot contact you himself?
  • He says is stationed/working overseas, but will be retiring soon and  is deciding on the city they will move to.  If they like you they hint they can move to your town.  This one is just too creepy for me.
  • His writing seems awkward. Hard to explain, but once you read you realize this person’s first language in not English and in the meantime they are telling you they were born in the US and have lived here their entire lives.
  • He is full of praise and compliments on how amazing you are.  If someone never met me and on the first email he is telling me I am a dream come true I run, and they go on and on it makes me run.  I am amazing indeed but he never met me.  So he is either a scammer or he is telling everyone he corresponds with how wonderful they are.  In either case he is not for me.
  • If you suspect he is not who he says he is then suggest meeting for coffee right away (you don’t have to go through with it if he says yes).  But every time I did that I got stories of how he is travelling on business or had to travel because of a sick parent.

*This is a sample of a fake profile message that I just received:

How are you doing ? i am new on here and you seem to have a very lovely picture and i must say you look beautiful and i wish to get to know you more , what do you seek on here ? looking for a true and long lasting partner ? i want same .. please write me at me personal email ‘’ alexschmidtkoiln atgmail i would be glad to get a Mail from you and would be sure to write you back . Thank you 

To me online dating is great, but “buyer beware”!  I play it safe.  I do my research and homework before meeting someone in person.     I follow my instincts but I don’t take chances.  And you should do the same!

Remember: If it seems to good to be true, then it probably is!

and on this note I have to run.  Catching a flight later on to Brazil. I am going to see my family and bring my mother back for a little stay.

Please forgive the typos and grammar errors, there is not time for editing.


The Ballet and the bitch


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Inside David Koch Theatre

“You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive.” – Merce Cunningham

My first time at a professional ballet performance was awesome!  The David Koch Theater at Lincoln Center was beautiful. The picture above is of one of the 2 huge sculptures from Elie Nadelman that sits in the promenade of the theater.

I loved the atmosphere! During intermission was a good time to people watch.  There were some people drinking champagne with strawberry while others were eating cookies, sandwiches and cookies.  There was a good variety of snacks for purchase.  Some people were dressed up in dresses and suits, while others were more casual. I wore black trousers with a turtleneck and a black sparkly jacket. I think I was well dressed without being too showy. I only had water ($5.00,including the $1 tip), even though the champagne was tempting, but I don’t like to drink alone.

My date, who is a classical musician was not sitting with me but playing with the orchestra, chose the perfect ballet for me to attend.

There were 3 different ballets, with intermissions after each.

My favorite was the first one called “Glass Pieces”.  The choreography was by Jerome Robbins and the music by Philip Glass.  You can see some of it here:

It was modern, energetic and profound.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of the dancers.  The music was just perfect. I felt energized and alive. I felt jolted in a good way.  I would love to see it again.  The beat of the music evoked attention and curiosity, as if something is about to happen or is already happening. I loved loved loved!

The other two pieces were also good but it had more of a taste of a Broadway show.

The second was a romantic ballet called “Thou Swell”

The third was very patriotic called “Stars and Stripes”

A funny thing happened when I first arrived at my seat   As soon as I sat down the man next to me sneezed a couple of times.  I said God Bless You.  He, in turn, said: “It is your perfume” .  He said he was allergic to perfume.  I said:  “I am sorry, it must be very hard for you to be out in public and social situations”.  Then he went on to say that people don’t realize how much perfume they have on because they get used to the smell.  He also mentioned he would try to change seats. I wasn’t sure what to think as I don’t think I overuse perfume.   We ended up talking about the other things such as attending the ballet, which he mentioned he goes to every week and he called the performers “my babies”.  He never sneezed again, but after the first intermission he found another seat.   I didn’t let his comments bother me.

My date and I met for a delicious Chinese dinner before the performance.  Afterwards he wanted to go for drinks but it was late and I had to work the next day so I just wanted to get home.  We walked and talked for a few blocks then I took a cab to the train station.

He is an awesome guy.  A true gentleman.  But… there is always a but with me…  I just don’t know what I want.  I fear that I would be bored in the long run.  He is 57, I am 50 going on 25.  He may be too old for me.  I know that it is not nice to say that but it is how I feel.

“Do not sabotage your new relationship with your last relationship’s poison.” – Steve Maraboli

I also fear that if I keep going on dates with him I will be leading him on.  I mentioned all my doubts to him and he said I shouldn’t worry about leading him on and hurting him.

And so we continue… Last night we went to dinner and a movie.  I am ashamed to say, but I am being a bitch to this guy.  I wine, complain and roll my eyes at everything.  At first I blamed PMS, but by now that excuse no longer fits.  I feel I am testing him to see how much can he put up with.  But he is persistent, nothing seems to faze him. He says he can handle it (me).

Sometimes I think I test men.   Perhaps I want them to leave on their own accord, so that I don’t have to be the one sending them away.

Perhaps still what I like is the challenge and the chase.  I like going after what is impossible to get, the ones that don’t like me.  The moment I have it/him, the moment I get it, then it loses its attraction and I am on to the next thing/person.

Am I unconsciously sabotaging perfectly good relationships in the search of that nonexistent over romanticized fairy-tale?

Being aware is the first step in getting to the bottom of my actions and feelings and correcting them, or just embracing them.

I will be talking about the movie we saw on my next post.

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe


What to wear to the ballet?


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“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I am trying to get back to my routine after my brother’s visit is over.  It is fun having guests but it is hard on my eating habits and exercise routine as I tend to indulge on everything my guests do or don’t do.  After they leave it takes me awhile to get back to my normal.

As a result I have accumulated some extras pounds.  I am not a fan of diets.  I think losing weight is easy, maintaining it is the real hurdle.  Also I cannot deal with feeling deprived.  If I resolve not to eat an item, that is all I crave.

I need to return to better eating habits.  Whatever I want whenever I want is translating into excess weight.  Chocolates, bread, cookies, ice cream on a daily basis is hardly a good diet.

I cannot blame it all on guests being here for 2 weeks.  A lot of my eating habits have to do with the way I handle stress.  I run to sugar. I am a big emotional eater.  I am sad I eat, I am happy I eat!

Anyway, I am not going to spend too much time beating a dead horse.  I need to change and soon! Admitting I have a problem is the first step.  I have a problem!  But who am I kidding?  I have already admitted I have a problem a long time ago.  Now it is time for action!

Speaking of stress, it is never ending lately.  Actually problems and challenges are a necessary part of life.  I just need to get better at handling them. It is indeed not what happens to me but how I react to it.

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” -Amit Ray

Right now some of issues I am dealing with:

1. Broken car. My 29 year old car wouldn’t start. While I am at work now I have a tow truck coming to tow it to the mechanic. It feels weird letting that happen while I am not there. Remember I am a control freak.  I feel that I have a decision to make when it comes to this car.  It is a classic, but every time it needs repair it is extremely expensive since parts are not easily available.

2. Again there are issues with one of my rental apartments.  The problem now is with the cooling/heating system. There comes another repair bill.  Next year around July, when the contract with the tenant is over,  please remind me that I said I was going to sell that place.  Hit me if you have to!

3.  Meetings with immigration attorney to finalize my sister’s green card.  This process seems endless and the documentation required can be overwhelming.  There is also not so minor detail that finally after 32 years my identical twin sister and I will be dividing the same roof.   Even though we would die for each other,  if we are together for long we tend to become overcritical of each other.  That is how love is sometimes, you want the other person be the best that they can be and you think you know how that is achieved.

I do realize the blessing of problems and challenges.  They refine us, they provide us with the chance of becoming better people.  Some challenges makes us realize what is really important in life.  At the end of the day, what doesn’t kill us indeed make us stronger.


“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”  -Donald Miller

Now I am resuming dating.  There is someone very interested, and that right there is the problem.  I realized that the worst thing that could happen is a guy showing me too much interest.  I feel like running away, and I immediately start looking for problems and for flaws in him.

What is my problem?  Fear of commitment?  Fear of getting hurt? Fear of settling for the wrong person?  Fear of hurting someone?

Or perhaps I just like the chase.  I like the challenge.   I don’t want to settle but at which point I manage my expectations and appreciate the great men I meet?

I do fear hurting him because I don’t know what I want and he seems so sure.  I figure I will give him complete honesty and that is the best I can do.  So I am being completely honest about my feelings.

I don’t want to give out too much information about him.  He is a classical musician, in his late fifties.  Everything about him seems great.  So why am I not that excited? Why am I so cautious?

“How much I missed, simply because I was afraid of missing it.”-Paulo Coelho

In the meantime I am exchanging emails with a much younger fake guy.  I know this guy is fake.  But like some fake guys in the past, I know they are fake and I keep going, playing along. Why am I investing time and energy into this losing proposition?  Perhaps I know the answer to that…they are safe to me, they require no commitment.

So that brings me to the question that is the title to this post, what should I wear to the ballet at Lincoln Center?  If I overdress it may scream of “first timer”, if I under-dress it may seem I am not appreciating the event and location.  I think the little black dress may be the right ticket here.

and lastly a word in defense of online dating.  Yes it can be a pain, with its share of losers and players, but so is real life.  One has to be safe and take precautions before meeting anyone, but at the end of the day I grateful for its availability, as I get to meet men from all walks of life that normally I would never bump to in my day to day.

“Not knowing when the dawn will come
I open every door.”  – Emily Dickinson


Never assume!


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“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” – Isaac Asimov

As expected I am even busier now with my brother, his girlfriend and another 3 friends visiting from Brazil.  It is chaotic because the friends decided to rent an Airbnb in the Harlem.  Nothing against Harlem but they rented in an area out of the way for tourists and out of the way for me.  It is so bad that they never went out in the evenings for fear of coming home in the dark.  Next time perhaps someone will ask my input, after all I have only lived in New York for over 30 years.

I am doing my best to help out and provide them direction and fun.  Tomorrow I am renting a mini-van to take them to the outlets.  I hate outlets and I hate driving, so this goes on the list: things we do for family!


I almost never go out of my office. I get in in the morning and only leave at the end of the day. But every now and then I get out to run an errand. It never fails that I see a homeless person in a corner.  Were they always there and I never noticed or this problem is growing at an alarming rate? I always give money or buy them food. Yesterday was no different.

After getting out of the office to go to HSBC I find myself standing in line at Wells Fargo.  I realized my mistake and walked out.  I see a man sitting in a corner and offer to buy him lunch.  He asks if I could get him soda also. I get him the food and soda and go back to the office without doing what I had intended to do which is go to HSBC.

At the end of the day when I am returning home, in my town, I pass by an older man rummaging through a garbage can. I go back and the following conversation ensues:

Me:  Are you hungry?

Him: No (sounding offended), do I look hungry?

Me: I don’t know, I just felt I should ask.

Him: I have $240.00 on this pocket (patting the left side of his pants and patting the other side as if trying hard to remember how much he had on the other pocket)

He proceeds to tell what he had for dinner: steak, potatoes and green beans and some dessert.

Me: oh then you have more money than I do.  Can I borrow some?

Him: How much do you need?

I said good night and walked out.  Would he really have loaned me money?  Who knows, but this exchange illustrates the old adage: “Never judge a book by its cover”; and my favorite new one: Don’t assume, ask!

I had a homeless man yell at me once when I gave him food so I never assume they want and/or anything, I ask.

So the take away here is: Never assume anything. Ask, clarify, even at the risk of sounding redundant. 

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” – Steve Maraboli

Updates, and trying


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Test’s result: It is negative! The biopsy results are in and there is nothing to worry about.  The minor surgery is healing well.  I won’t have to see this doctor for another year.   All in all I am glad my doctor referred me to this specialist.  He was great!  Easy to talk to, explains everything in detail,  really made me feel at ease, even thought he was teaching yet another medical student.  The silver lining:  In the process of doing the biopsy he corrected and cleaned up my cervix.  He said: “ You can now resume normal activities”  …and resume I shall (as soon as I find the one I am willing to have activities with  :-) )

New Tenant: Again I have an older lady as a tenant. She is very nice. As faith would have the day before my tenant is set to move in there is a leak from the apartment upstairs and part of the bedroom ceiling falls off. The silver lining is that there was no furniture so nothing other then the ceiling was damaged.  Now on to fixing it and trying to collect from the lady upstairs.  Being a landlord is not easy.

Olympics: I already miss the Olympics.  I am happy that all in all the Olympics worked out. In the beginning I feared it wasn’t even going to happen so I am glad that one way or another Brazil pulled it through.  Relieved is a better word! I love the world coming together is a competitive and fun atmosphere. I love the triumph of the spirit, the giving their all to something.

US Open: It is US Open time again.  Every year I go to the Opening Night Ceremony.  I loved how they showcased the new roof at the Arthur Ashe Stadium.  Apparently everyone was on to what was going to happen, except me.

My Doc friend went with me.  I was going on and on about the roof being closed on such a beautiful night.   And then as Phil Collins started singing “In the Air Tonight” the roof started opening up.  I was in awe like a child looking up, both marveled and surprised.

Visitors from Brazil: My brother, his girlfriend, her brother and his wife, and a cousin are coming  to NY  on September 9th to stay  for 2 weeks.  Only my brother and his girlfriend will stay at my apartment, but they will all go together on all the outings.  I will take a few days off to take them around.  It should be fun playing the tour guide.

Match. com:  I am still on POF, but decided to also try Match.  So far I have met in person 2 guys.  They were really great, but there was not really any chemistry.  I am seriously thinking that, even though, I am on 2 sites looking for a partner, I don’t really want anyone.  Am I too demanding? Is that masking a secret fear of getting hurt again?  Am I not willing to share my space, time and energy?  Or perhaps it is just not the right time.

The first guy I met was a widower of just one year.  I think he just spoke a little too much of his late wife.  I don’t think I want to compete with a dead wife. I don’t think that he is ready for dating, even though he said he had already dated someone for 3 months.

The second guy was younger than me by 5 years, handsome, great job.  I just think that he lacked a little motivation. He said he would never travel alone or do anything alone.  I do everything alone. I feel like he is waiting for a woman to come and rescue him and tell him what to do.  Even though I am bossy, I am tired of it.  I don’t want to rescue anyone.  I want to be rescued for once.

The truth is I didn’t feel like kissing any of them.  It may seem superficial but chemistry it is a big deal to me.  It has to flow.  It is not about looks, it is about how someone moves me and makes me feel.

If the chemistry is there, then we can see about the rest.

At this point in my life I don’t feel like wasting time and energy and hope on someone that I feel I will have to force and make a relationship fit.  I believe that when the person, time and energy is right it will just naturally work.

“Let nature take its course. By letting each thing act in accordance with its own nature, everything that needs to be done gets done.” ~” Lao Tzu



Choosing not to worry until it is time to worry


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“How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”  – Steve Maraboli

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago my gynecologist wanted me to return to her office to get a colposcopy (use of a magnifying device to look at the cervix) and biopsy due to an abnormal pap smear.

I went to see her but she was unable to perform the procedure due to Cervical Stenosis (small cervix opening).  She then said: “I have to send you to the big boys”.  That to her meant sending me to a gynecological oncologist at the Cancer Center.  I was already scared and hearing the words “oncologist” and “cancer” made me start panicking.  She tried to reassure me by saying that she was only sending me to him because he was the best and not because she feared cancer.

I went to see this doctor this week.  He was teaching another young doctor, so now I have 2 men all up in my business.🙂  I thought it would be really awkward but the student was more nervous that I was and really trying to learn and be professional about it, so I even felt bad for him. In a way I was glad to help.

When the doctor got a closer look he realized that things were not going to be as easy as he anticipated.  He ended up needing extra equipment and material that had not been laid out in advance.  As he started asking the nurse for additional items the nurse complained (a few times) that he should have told her in advance all that it was going to be needed.  I thought the nurse was disrespectful to him and insensitive to me since it seemed that he was going out of his way not to alarm me and not to give me the impression that things were not going as planned.

“Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be able to get in the cervix and do the biopsy I had to get several shots of anesthetics, and also had electrocauterization after.  Since I had never had anything like that done before it was a little nerve wrecking, specially when the doctor placed a grounding pad on my thigh.  I expected to be shocked any second.  But even with that, with the nurse/doctor exchange, with having a student there (doing everything the doctor was doing) this procedure went well.

This doctor did an amazing job of explaining the procedure every step of the way and of reassuring me that I have no reason to worry about anything.  He said all appears normal and even my pap smear he considered normal.  But he said that he understood why my doctor wanted a closer look.

I believed him, so even though I still don’t have the biopsy results I decided not to worry  about it anymore until I have a reason to worry.  And just like that I have no worries.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” – Dalai Lama

“We are all one” Mural in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil


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How cool is this mural?

The artist, Eduardo Kobra, is a Brazilian street artist with enormous talent.  In Rio de Janeiro, to celebrate the Olympics, he painted an area of almost 3,000 square feet.  Corresponding with the idea of the Olympic rings he painted 5 faces representing the native people of each of the five inhabited continents.  Amazing talent!

Take a look at his website to see more of his work all over the world:


Brazilian fans: Is it passion or bad manners?


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Rio 2016

Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person. – Albert Einstein

These days I have been busy watching the Olympics.  I watch everything and anything I can. Any sport, any team, any country, I don’t care.  I love seeing the passion, the love, the attitude.  I love the patriotism. I love seeing the triumph of the underdog with resilience and heart.  Even when the body says no, the heart says yes and keeps going.

Of course another reason to watch is that it is happening in Brazil.  Part of my heart is there.  Anytime they show the fans, they show the people, I see me, I see my people.

Like everyone else I was not convinced we would be able to pull it off.  With the threat of the Zika virus, the political climate of Brazil, unfinished buildings, the crime rate, the polluted water, terrorist threats, it all look really iffy for awhile.  But here we are with the games in full swing.

“Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.”- Steve Maraboli

I was very happy with the Opening Ceremony.  Of course there were a lot things that could have been done better, but when I compare it with the opening of the World cup this was a masterpiece.

All is not perfect though, there are reports of many athletes being robbed while walking around and that is embarrassing for us, even though having 0 crimes in Rio is totally unrealistic.

As far as Brazil’s performance in and out of the field that is up for debate.  A lot has been said about the noise of the fans.  They watch and root for every sport as if they are watching futebol (soccer).  I can see how that can annoy a lot people, other fans and specially some of the players.  There is a lot talk about teaching Brazilians the correct decorum for every sport.  Well, good luck with that.  We wear our hearts on our sleeves, we are passionate about our players, and even other players.  Even if we don’t have a horse in the race we will pick the underdog and root for him/her as if they are family.  I can see beauty in that.

But some go too far and should learn to use a little restraint at times.  We could show our passion and roos for our favorites without booing the opponent.  Seeing fans booing and cursing players is distasteful and disgraceful, but I can’t help to think that at that moment Brazilians are letting out their frustrations for all that is going wrong in Brazil.  Still we should aim it at the right targets.

No matter who the opponent is, he is there with similar goals, to represent himself and his country the best he can.  He/She is there with the same passion and motivation and deserving of the same respect.  At the end of the day may the best person win, the one with the most heart and resilience, the one that never gives up.

I love that our first Gold Medal was won by Rafaela Silva, a woman that came out of slums.  She is from the favela Cidade de Deus (City of God slums).  She benefited from a social project called Reaçao (Reaction) started by a Judo player name Flavio Canto.  He wanted to introduce poor kids to sports as a way to get them off the streets early on.  Her victory shows the benefits of such projects.  That was a victory for the real Brazil, the poor hard worker, the one that gives their blood, sweat and tears every single day of their lives and have little to show for it.

The successful person makes a habit of doing what the failing person doesn’t like to do. – Thomas Edison

I was going to now write about passion and commitment, about envying the passion these athletes feel and how they dedicate and commit to this one goal above all things. I was going to talk about my need to find my passion in life and my lack of commitment to things lately.

Then the phone rings and it is my gynecologist.  I know it is not good news as they never call after a Pap Smear unless it is bad news.  My test results were abnormal and she wants me to come back tomorrow for a Coloscopy.  It is a simple procedure to further explore the cervix and collect a sample for a biopsy.

Chances are it is nothing, but the idea of the possibility of cancer changes everything.  My emotions get the best of me.  I see life flashing before my eyes.  I think of so much living I still have to do.

Yes I am being a tad dramatic, this is probably nothing! But I will use it to fuel my love for living and my idea of, until I find my passion in life, to be passionate about everything.

So smile more, dance more, laugh more, reach out to friends and family, go out and do that scares and excites you, feel alive! Be grateful for every new morning and for every breath!

So to quote my favorite movie “Shawshank Redemption”:  “Get busy living or get busy dying”!

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” – Masaru Emoto



Eating, drinking, dancing, kissing and telling


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Update: My tenant is finally out! I have been doing so much work at the apartment.  I am physically and mentally exhausted.  I am still not done but I already have a new tenant waiting to move in.🙂


“I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.” – Rita Maw Brown

My co-worker’s daughter spent the weekend before last with me.  Last time we saw each other we were both complaining that we wanted to get out more but didn’t have friends so we decided that we should to go out together. She is 25 years old, I am 50.

It was fun to forget about apartment renovations, meeting with attorney, talks with accountant, works issues, etc for awhile.

She came over on Friday evening and we started the weekend by going out to dinner, then dancing. On Saturday we spent the day in Manhattan (walking the Highline, Chelsea Market, then around the village), then dinner and more dancing. On Sunday we had foot and back massages, followed by manicures and a great early dinner. It was a tiring weekend but awesome!

There were a lot fun and funny moments. There was great food, drinks and desserts. But the moment that I am choosing to highlight here is a moment that perhaps I should be embarrassed about it – but I am not!

We went barhopping on Friday night, minus the drinking plus the dancing. We are more dancers than drinkers. I was at least 20 years older than everyone at all the places we went to. Surprisingly I didn’t feel out of place at all.

At one point we stepped onto the patio of one of the bars and I noticed a young bespectacled guy looking in my direction. I looked behind me, thinking he is looking at someone else.  But no, I was the object of his attention. I blushed and proceeded to exchange glances.

All of a sudden he approaches us (me, my friend and another guy that we were talking to) and introduces himself. I applaud his bravery. I find that guys are normally too shy to approach girls, only doing that if they are drunk. This guy was completely sober. He asked me if I wanted to dance. I was happily accepted.

At some point I asked his age. He is 26 years. He didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer mine. We danced for a while and when the dancing slowed down a little we kissed. And we kept on kissing. I didn’t want it to end.  This guy new how to kiss!!

When the bar was closing, and I was leaving, I gave him my number.  Two days later he texted me and asked me out. I said no.  I was tempted, really tempted.  He seemed great, smart, mature, employed and I enjoyed his company, but to think that it could go further than that is a fantasy.  And kissing is my limit.  This experience fed my ego, and while I am not necessarily proud of it, I am not embarrassed yet.

On that note I made a realization about my dating habits. I have been dating with the intent of finding a partner to be with for the rest of my life.  I become very critical and focused.  I realized that I should date for fun and if the right person comes along then we will see what happens. I should be in the moment and enjoy life instead of planning a future that may never come.

It is a beautiful thing to be an adult and free and not accountable to anyone.  Finally at 50 years old I feel this way.  I feel free!!

Life is too short, too beautiful for me to worry about what others may think of my actions. The world needs more love, more kissing! And if I so desire and another young man comes along, I may do some more kissing!🙂

It is not all about me, and it is not all bad in the world


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“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.  Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.”  Rabindranath Tagore

My ego interferes. It is loud, obnoxious and ever so present. My self-esteem takes a nose dive, and it is all about me. There are times of uncertainty, fragility, powerlessness.  Still I know they are passing phases. They are just steps to get me through the next level.  Through the darkness I dare to see a glimmer of light, a glimmer of hope.

Too many things to do, deadlines to meet, bills to pay, calls to return. I feel like a rubber band being pulled in so many directions. Always stretching never breaking (thanks heaven for that!) I alternate between the elation of being alive and the dread of another day.

When it seems to be all about me and my issues I try to look outward and onward. That helps me realize it is not all about me. There are a whole world out there, going on, with real issues.  I just need to get out of myself sometimes.  This view makes me realize how infinitely small my issues are.  How they pale in comparison to others.  So I accept them for what they are: minor setbacks.

The news around the world and here at home get more depressing each day. How do I dare to smile when all around is destruction? And still I do! That is when it is most important to smile, to rejoice and be grateful.  When all is hard, when all is dark, when it seems this is a never ending dark tunnel I dare to smile and rejoice in the certainty of the light that will eventually come.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” – Haruki Murakami

This is the best time to smile more,  to hope more, to live more, to do more for others. Do different, be different! I cannot do a lot to a lot people so I am trying to do as much I can to as many people I can.   That means giving more, being more charitable, but most often it may just mean not yelling at someone that did me wrong. Sometimes it means being quick to forgive and forget. Sometimes it is just listening without judgement. Sometimes it is just being present.

I joke with kids, pet dogs, offer to help people on the street.  I make people smile, I play compliments, I say more thank yous.  It is amazing all I get in return.  I am still quick to react, but even quicker to say sorry.

It is not that I am being oblivious and dismissive of the tragedies and destruction around me.  I am not being indifferent.  I am just choosing to channel my disappointment and sadness into a positive, sharing, love spreading energy.  I am not dwelling on all the bad and negative. Problems are unavoidable, but I am not giving it the power to control my emotions and my life, and most important, how I relate to others.

The point of life is to rise above all, to overcome obstacles, to learn from them and to dare to smile in the face of adversity. Dare to get up, to continue, to rebuild, to become even better.  Dare to smile through tears.  Dare to think of others first, and never forget about yourself. Dare to make your world better for you and others! Be daring!

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” – Tagore

I have been writing a lot lately about problems but my life has been so much more.  My next post in a few days will give you a glimpse of the fun I have been having, specially last weekend when I got to be 25 again.  Stay tuned!