Crazy stressed and still so blessed!



I know I have been sounding like a broken record, but this audit I am going through at work is driving me crazy.  I am so crazed that on Wednesday night I took the wrong train home.  I was not even the same train line.  I traveled 1 hour out of my way and then had to get an Uber and take another hour to get home.

The audit has no end in sight, but there will be a break.  I am leaving for Brazil on Tuesday.  I come back on the 26th.  They agreed to wait to continue when I return.

I am doing my usual trip home to see my family and bring my mom back for a vacation. So when I come back there will be the usual trips to the casinos and stores.

I told someone that I was going to get a break from work and he responded:  Yes, but when you come back all will be right here waiting for you.  He said it in a negative  tone that I didn’t really appreciate.

I replied: Thanks Heaven for that!  Can you imagine if I am back and unemployed?

There is always a blessing in everything.  Work and stress gets to me, but still I realize that my blessings are numerous.  I really have no right to complain about anything.

“Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Focus on your character, not your reputation.
Focus on your blessings, not your misfortunes.” 
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart




Happy, tired, and in doubt


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“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” -― George Burns

My birthday was really low key but just absolutely perfect.  My friend had to work late so it was just my sister and I.  We went to a Argentinian/Italian restaurant around the corner from our apartment.  We had not been there before and all was delicious.

My co-worker gave us a chocolate cake and the friend that bailed on us sent 2 dozen chocolate covered strawberries and a dozen of chocolate covered Oreos. So sweet of them!

“Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting.” – Haruki Murakami,Dance Dance Dance


The clueless ex-boyfriend sent me another email yesterday that said:

” I sent you a note last week…..i hope it got through….my optonline acct is compromised…the gmail on here works”

Still ignoring it.

“Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.” ― Robert Jordan


The amount of work I am doing for this audit is crazy. Many 7am to 8pm nights.  There are 5 auditors for our small company of 17 people.  Government bureaucracy at its best.  The amount of documents I have to produce is immense, but this too shall pass.  I stepped off of the ledge and I am doing one thing at a time.

I have been so exhausted this last couple of weeks  that I found no energy or motivation to  go to the gym or even do the elliptical in my apartment.   I am hoping that I can resume regular life this next week.

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” -― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness


D and I went to a movie and to dinner on Thursday night.  He surprised me with belated birthday gifts.  He gave me a Waterford candy dish along with a box of Godiva chocolate eggs.  He also baked a banana bread for me to give to my sister since he knows she love breads.

He is thoughtful and kind, but I continue to wonder if it will go anywhere.  His house is still not selling, so it seems there is no end in sight.  For now it is not a big deal as we have been barely able to see each other.  Next time I will see him will some time in May.  He has 4 trips schedule in the next few weeks.

He is all in, but I have doubts.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.”  -― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet



Cruel or just clueless?


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“I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I’ve been knocking from the inside.” – Rumi

If you have been reading this blog from the beginning, you know that I started it 7 years ago due to a broken heart that was making me go insane.  This blog allowed me to get all the pain out without hurting others or myself.

All my readers/friends have been instrumental in getting me to where I am today: happy, free, ready to love again.  It took me years to be totally over the the person that broke my heart.  He is mostly a name from the past, a chapter in the book of my life that I don’t care to re-read.

Today, I get this email, that he made sure to send to both my professional and personal emails.

Subject: Happy Birthday to my favorite twins in the whole wide world

I’m pretty sure that I remember you have a birthday at the end of March although I don’t know the number I remember that it’s a little bit before Nancy’s (one of his sisters) birthday please give each other a hug and a kiss from me and all the best wishes and love to you and your entire family

If you allow it I’d love to take you both out for lunch or dinner in New Rochelle or the city or White Plains anything that would work for either of you I would like to try to work out


I was annoyed at receiving that.  How dare he make this attempt to make it seem that we can have a regular friendly relationship?

I don’t hold any grudges over anyone or anything.  I normally always keep the door open for people to come and go as they please.  If anything I give too many second chances.  I am friends with guys I dated, and I am always willing to let everyone back in.  I believe in second chances and redemption.

But with him it is different.  I believed with all my heart he was the One.

The pain was too intense.  The betrayal was too raw.  The disrespect was uncalled for in every way.  There was the game playing and manipulation.  Knowing I was in pain he made it seem there was a chance to reconcile.  I am ashamed to say that there was a point back there when I was willing to overlook everything to just be with him.  I thank the heavens that in the end he never wanted to work things out.

And then there was the fact that he never acknowledged the cheating and never said sorry.

I forgive, I forgave, and I forget… for the most part, until he decides to rear his ugly head.

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”  ― Rumi

Older, wiser and still crazy


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Date 6 with D. was a week ago. We went to a Italian restaurant near my house and had pizzette and wine.  We have been meeting every Saturday but yesterday I had already scheduled a sleepover with my goddaughter and her sister so we couldn’t meet then. On Sunday he had to travel for business.  We will see each other this coming weekend if he is back by then.

He is such a sweet, nice gentleman, probably a bit more on the shier side than I am used to. We are cultivating a slow friendship, and that is probably the best way to go at this point since we don’t know when his life will be less tangled.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” – ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

My sister and I will turning 53 this Thursday,  March 28.  I cannot believe I am that age already. Where did time go?  I was 30 yesterday.  I have so much to see and do still, it doesn’t seem there will be enough time.  How can I make every second count? How can I not lose sight of what is really important in life and not get bogged down in stupidity?

We had so many ideas of what to do to celebrate our birthdays, but again timing is not on our side.  I have this audit and other matters hanging over my head and she is getting ready to start a new job on April 1st.  She got the job she wanted.  It is in a Brazilian financial company that is growing by leaps and bounds.  It is entry level but she will learn a lot and there is a lot potential for growth.  The salary is entry level too but at this point she can manage on that.

We have so many reasons to be grateful and celebrate! The list is very long.  It is easy to get bogged on the adversities.  It is easy to take one difficulty and let it take over my life.  It is easy to fall into the victim mode.  But at the end of the day I know the list of my blessings is immense by any measurement stick.

“You solve it as you get older, when you reach the point where you’ve tasted so much that you can somehow sacrifice certain things more easily, and you have a more tolerant view of things like possessiveness (your own) and a broader acceptance of the pains and the losses.”  –  Ted Hughes, Letters of Ted Hughes

So we decided to just choose a local restaurant that we haven’t gone to before.  And because I can be crazy sometimes I decided to let a ghost from the past join us.  What is life if not for the crazy moments?

I think I mentioned a guy I dated 12 years ago that texts me every now and then.  For the past few years I mostly ignore him since he has a girlfriend and I don’t want any issues.  Lately though I started replying to his texts and surprisingly we have become friends.  I replied because he was not flirty and seemed genuine about just a friendship.  He knows that friendship is the best he will ever get from me and he says he is happy and honored with that.

He had mentioned wanting to buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday.  Well, he has been inviting me to dinner every single time we text, but I had decided not to meet him.  I changed my mind and said I would meet him.  I thought he would not take me up on going out with my sister and I, but he jumped at the chance.

I think it will be fun seeing him again since I don’t even remember what he looks like.

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” ― George Carlin

I continue to prepare all the documentation necessary for the audit.   There are moments I go crazy thinking of all the potential issues and all that can wrong.   Still there are moments that I am calm and serene.  It has been a roller-coaster of emotions.

Slowly I can see the good in this audit. It will be good to see if some of what I am doing is actually up to par to all that is what is required.  Did we improve from the last audit? And perhaps it will bring about some changes to what we have been doing.  I don’t agree with all that we do and how we do it.  We don’t do anything illegal but still I see areas where change would be welcome and would probably make my job easier.

“Make improvements, not excuses. Seek respect, not attention.” – Roy T. Bennett



Learning to be okay when things are not okay


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“Let nature take its course. By letting each thing act in accordance with its own nature, everything that needs to be done gets done.” ― Lao Tzu

The regulatory agency for my industry audited my firm 4 years ago for the first time.  It was a nightmare.   Now they are knocking on our door again.  They already started requesting documents even though they are not coming into our offices until April 1st.

My stress level is beyond control.  Not that we are doing anything wrong.  We aren’t.  Well, I don’t think we are, but I fear some new regulation that just came to pass and I am not yet aware of it.

There is so much stuff that they ask for.  There is so much information to collect.  So many questions to answer.  So many numbers to explain.  I do everything for the firm, from Human Resources to Finance and everything else in between.  Of course, I am also the Compliance person.  Everything is on me, and that pressure and weight of the situation some times gets to me.

I worry about every little detail.  I try to go over the compliance rules looking for something I may have missed. I am driving myself nuts.

“Only 8% of our worry will come to pass. 92% of our worry is wasted. DON’T PANIC” ― Mark Gorman

This is already my busy time of the year with reports to produce, bonuses to pay, new insurance benefits to choose, etc.  Now that!  Another year that I didn’t take my one week skiing vacation. With all the work stuff and waiting for the closing of the apartment I never found the time to take some time off.

This entire week I have been leaving home at 6:30am and getting back at 9pm.  It is just too much and not healthy.  At times, such as now,  I realize the importance of going on vacation.  Not to run away from problems, but to recharge and relax.

Some people think, erroneously, that a vacation will fix everything.  Wrong!  You come back and the problems are right there, sitting, waiting for you to walk through the door.

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” ― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Instead I rather stay and deal with the problems head on and not run away from it.  So right now I can’t wait for the auditors to come already and do what they need to do.

But you better believe that I will be more diligent about making sure that I get plenty of time away from work.  One needs to make sure to take the time to get away and recharge, have contact with nature, read more, exercise more, and have plenty of time doing nothing.

Stressed or not, life moves on.  I Keep trying to remind myself that it is not what happens to me but how I react to it.  It is hard to remind myself of that while I am in the middle of a crises at the office.

Built into any problem there are amazing opportunities, so my job now is to uncover and discover those hidden blessings in being audited.  If anything, it is just another of life’s attempt to teach me that I am in control of absolutely nothing.

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.” -― John F. Kennedy


Dates and Updates: the very young, the poor and the complicated


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Update on dates:

The 33yr old guy. I knew that he was not dating material because of the age difference.  I was hoping we could have been friends as he was one of the nicest men I ever met.

He offered my sister a job and had said that there were no strings attached, that I was doing him a favor if she took the job.  He wanted me to stop by his store.  So on a Saturday I did.  He showed me around and at one point tried to hug me.  I pretended I didn’t understand it and moved away.

Immediately after vising the store we went out to lunch and had a great time laughing as old friends. We said good bye with a hug and there was no hint that there was anything wrong.  Then he disappeared. I got worried as this was a person that was texting me daily, many times to just say hi.

I reached out and after a few days he texted back saying that he had taken a few days off for vacation.   Whatever happened was just too odd, and I could tell something was off.  So I just let things fade away.  And my sister is staying away also.

Some things I cannot understand at the moment, but I thank my guardian angels and move on.  This is such a case.

“With the world as with people, you know only the tiny percentage you pay close attention to.” ― Steve Toutonghi, Side Life

The 48yr old student/professor. He was smart and fun.  He had asked me on a second date for Thursday and we said we would be in touch and decide where to go.

Then after a long silence he wrote to say that I was amazing but that he didn’t have a car and finances to treat me the way I deserved.  It was the weirdest text ever.  Full of compliments and then declaring poverty.

I normally never drive to meet anyone on the first date.  When I met him I decided to step outside my comfort zone and drive to his town, 20 minutes away and meet him at a lounge there.  I had one drink that probably cost $7.00.  While we didn’t talk about finances, I never made any comments about wanting to be wined and dined and he made it seem that he was not struggling.

I am not sure what he was angling here.  Did he want me to be driving to meet him all the time and to always pay for the dates?

That is definitely not happening.  While I have no problem paying my way or taking turns paying I am not about to start supporting anyone.  I respect and applaud his decision to go back to school and to get another degree but I don’t know him well enough to go down that road.

So I joked that that was the nicest let down ever.  He continued to text and said that he still wanted to see me.  I just said that we would continue talking and perhaps meet again, but we haven’t texted ever since.  I am not sure if friendship is an option either.

“Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.” ― Suze Orman

Complicated D.  Yesterday was date number Five with D.  Not that I am keeping track 😉

I am not sure where it will go. I am trying hard not to have any expectations and to take things for what they are at the moment: two friends having dinner and getting to know each other.

This is how it normally goes: We meet at a restaurant. Have a fun time with great food and great conversation. After dinner we normally take a walk to my destination, the train, or my building.

We do some kissing good bye, a bit more passionate now, but nothing embarrassing. Then we do a bit of texting every other day until we meet again.

It seems everything is hanging in the balance until the sale of his house.  Until this house is sold nothing will happen. No divorce. No freedom.  It is a very expensive house, so it will not be that easy to sell.  I have my fingers crossed that his life gets uncomplicated soon.  In a way this waiting is good.  It forces us to go slow and not rush into anything.

“Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? It’s no coincidence we call them ‘deadlines.” ― Tom Robbins

Enjoying the wait while dreaming of the future


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“You are a child of the universe, 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” 
― Max Ehrmann

I had another date with D.  This time he drove to my town on Saturday night.  We met at 9pm at a wine bar called Gnarly Vine.  We shared a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine.  We were there until 11:45pm.  We would have stayed longer but they normally close at 10:30pm.  We were the last ones to leave.

As usual we had a great time talking about everything.  He gave me a better insight on his various businesses.  I enjoyed mostly talking about the trips we want to take together.

He held my hand and mentioned how special he thinks I am and how happy he is to have found me.  Again he expressed his wish to have his house sold soon and be done with the divorce.  Again I tried to reassure him that I will be patient and wait.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.” -― Rainer Maria Rilke

In the meantime I manage my impatience by still being on dating sites and going on dates.  I told him about that and he seemed to understand.  I probably didn’t need to tell him that, but I don’t want miscommunication.   I pretend I don’t really care if he ever gets divorced, but after 4 dates I am really growing to like him and to dream about the possibility of a future together.

At this point he seems very sincere in his words, transparent in his actions and really interested in a future together. I am taking the “wait and see” approach. I am enjoying the moment regardless of the outcome.

Up to now there was only a couple of quick kisses, but that changed when he walked me home after the date on Saturday.  In the lobby of my building we exchanged some kisses that made me crave more of him.

He is also started texting more. I think he is starting to believe that this can become serious.

“A warrior of the Light is never in a hurry.  Time works in his favor; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.” ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light

So, on that note yesterday I had a date with a student/professor.  A. is 48 years old and lives in a neighboring town.  He teaches and is also working on his second PhD, to go along with his many other degrees.  The conversation was stimulating to see the least.  We talked for many hours.  I think I would be the injection of fun that he needs in his life.  Last night after the date he sent me a text: “Really enjoyed being with you and wish the night didn’t have to end.  Attractive, caring, intelligence.”

He was a very nice man and last night asked for a second date on Thursday. I said yes, but now I am not sure. I guess there is no harm in seeing him again.

“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.” – Vincent van Gogh


Another date, another job


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“Whatever it takes to finish things, finish. You will learn more from a glorious failure than you ever will from something you never finished.” ― Neil Gaiman

Closing.  It went well. It was the first time meeting my attorney.  Up to now all was done through email and phone.  I will not use him again. He did his job but, as I mentioned previously,  I don’t agree with a couple of things that he did that make me believe he was working more for the other side.

I thought I would feel a bit sad about selling this apartment, which was the first apartment I bought, but there was none of that.  I was happy to have this process finished.

My life is a little simpler now.  One less tenant to worry about.

“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

B33. After the closing I went on a date.  The restaurant I wanted to go to was closed for vacation so we met at another good one called Posto 22.  I had eggplant parmagiana with angel hair bolognese and he had the Salmon with spinach. All delicious.

This guy is much younger than I am.  He is 33, I am going to be 53 next month.  He looks his age, I look younger, so together, honestly,  we didn’t seem a mismatch.  Still he is way too young to be a boyfriend.  We met more as friends – well, he wants more than that.

He is originally from Albania. He was extremely nice, polite and a gentleman. When I mentioned my sister is returning from Brazil and looking for a job he offered her a job at his store.  And she is taking it.  This is the second time I go on a date and return home with a job for her.

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.” ― Haruki Murakami

A lunch date with D.   Today I went on a third date with D.  We went to Kellary Tavern, which is an amazing Greek restaurant in Manhattan.  I had vegetables croquette and he had some spinach pastry for appetizer.  For entree I had the Salmon with lentils and beets and he had the Mahi Mahi with potatoes.  Everything was divine.

He remains such a great guy.  His life is still complicated. I think it will take a long time for his house to sell because it is very expensive.  I am still willing to give him a chance if we ever get to that point.  At this point all we have are some meals together where we talk about everything.  It never gets too romantic.  Also he is shy, so I get the feeling that at times he wants to say more but holds back.

After lunch he walked me to the station. We said good bye with a couple of pecks on the lips.  I think there is chemistry but until we actually have some real passionate kisses and time together I won’t know.  He again asked me for patience.  I agreed and again said that he should take his time and do what he needs to do.

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
― Fulton J. Sheen


Pains and lessons


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“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” –― C.S. Lewis

I had the laser surgery on my gums on Friday. By now, Monday, I no longer have any pain in the area but the antibiotic is killing my stomach.

I have to take Doxycycline Hyclate 100 mg for 10 days.  This antibiotic has to be taken on an empty stomach.  The dentist said not to have anything, specially with calcium,  for 2 hours before and 2 hours after taking it.

It is making me nauseous and giving me severe pains.  This morning I threw up 5 minutes after taking it.  It came back up so fast I didn’t have a change to make it to the bathroom.

I was so happy to have this extra day to stay at home and recuperate.  Today was a holiday in the US – President’s Day.  I feel lethargic and tired from non-eating solid food for 2 days.

I have just taken the nightly dosage now but I made some changes and it appears that it is working.  Instead of waiting 2 hours after eating, I only waited 1 hour.  I also drank only 1 glass of water instead of 2.  I think my stomach cannot take that much liquid at once.

Another thing I did was to put a heating pad on my stomach.  For some reason I thought the warmth in the area would make me feel better.  It is actually working.  My stomach is hurting but I have a high threshold for pain, so at this point it is manageable.

Tomorrow I am calling the dentist to talk to him about this issue.

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” ― Dalai Lama XIV


The closing on the sale of my apartment is finally just a couple of days away.   It is scheduled for Wednesday late afternoon.  Also scheduled for that time is snow.  We shall see if it will happen or if it will have to be re-scheduled.

The attorney did and say a couple of things that I didn’t like, I am not going to get into the details of what he did at this point.  I did mention to him that he seemed to be working for the the buyer and not for me.  He said he was offended I said that and that all he did was to help me sell my property.  I decided to agree to disagree at this point and just get this done.

Selling this apartment has taught me so much.  Next time I will do a couple of different things, such as:

  • Price. I will set the price to what I really want to get and not set it lower to start a bidding war. That may work for some people but in my case I think it was not done correctly. For that to work I needed to have a more aggressive realtor.
  • Realtor.  When signing an agreement with the realtor, I will have a clause that says that if the Buyer doesn’t have a realtor, the fee I have to pay will be lower.
  • Attorney.  I will not assume that a professional is doing what he is getting paid to do.  I often don’t want to offend people. I don’t want to tell people how to do their job.  But often, by the time I realize that they didn’t do everything I needed them to do it is too late.  I will learn to speak up early in the game.

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent” -― Madeleine K. Albright

Love is coming soon, but dental surgery is here now


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“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  ― Paulo Coelho

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Valentine’s Day has become one of the most commercial holidays around, but still despite that,  I still enjoy seeing the love in the air.  Men carrying flowers and chocolates home to their wives. Red hearts everywhere.  I love all that.

It is the perfect excuse to think about old friends and reach out and say hi and I love you.  I have done that.  I reached out to some friends and wished them a great holiday!

I don’t have a Valentine tonight but still I am so happy and full of love.  Life is beautiful!  I have so many reason to be grateful!

My plan for tonight is to go get a massage, then have something exciting for dinner.  Which I am not sure what that is yet, but it will be followed by something sweet.

D., the man I have written about before, the one that asked me to be patient while he untangles his life texted me today.  Honestly I was not sure he would think of it. He doesn’t text often and doesn’t text long.  He will send one or 2 texts every 2 or 3 days.

I am surprisingly okay with that.  He mentioned wanting to go real slow.  It is better this way, then to be bombarded with texts while he cannot really make any commitment.  This is really different that what I am used to.  It is worth a shot, specially since it doesn’t really require an investment from me. What have I got to lose?

Today he just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day and said he is looking forward to seeing me soon.  He also talked about the weather.  He is not in town at the moment.  He is on business trip on the West Coast.  Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to make conversation lol

Stay tuned…

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

I am still online dating, but decided not to have any dates tonight.  I have a couple of dates scheduled for the weekend but I am seriously thinking about canceling.   I am not that excited about either one, so it all seems like a waste of time fro them and for me.

Also, I am having yet another dental surgery tomorrow, so I will probably not feel like talking too much over the weekend.  This is a repeat of the laser surgery I had done before.  I thought it had worked, but the area didn’t improve and the x-rays actually say it is worst.

This time it will be even more painful as he will attempt to go even deeper and clean more the area around the implant.   At least it will not be painful in my pockets as he offered to do this again for free.  It is likely that it will not work again and that in 3 to 6 months I will have to go in cut one implant out and do a bone graph in the area in an attempt to save the other 2 implants attached to this troublesome one.  But I need to do all I can to try to save this one implant before I give up on it.

Fingers crossed.  I am asking you all to please send me angels and prayers.  The surgery is scheduled for 12 pm NY time.

Thank you and until then love, love, love and say so!

I leave you with some great words to read and live by:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them