He came with gifts

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“Do you want a good advice on your path? Here it is: Don’t be sure of your path! Don’t ever be sure of it! Do you want more advice? Here it is: Doubt your path! And examine the other paths, know the other paths!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

He didn’t disappear or ghosted.  I didn’t cancel or run away.  I made it to the elusive third date.

Because of timing, I had to decide on dinner or movie.  I didn’t want to do both, I thought it would be too long.  I chose movie.  I have been eating too much and with more big meals to come, I figure I would just go with popcorn.

“Doubt everything. Find your own light.”
― Gautama Buddha, Sayings Of Buddha

We saw West Side Story.  Again, I was expecting more. Some people I know that had seen it, said they cried.  I didn’t.  I was more annoyed at the lack of common sense, but the movie rings true even nowadays, or perhaps even more so.  And in that sense it is sad.  We, as humanity haven’t evolved, we are becoming worst to each other.

At the end of the movie we walked back to my building, where he had left his car.  He wanted me to walk to his car. I said I was not going.  He insisted.  I said ok but I am not getting in.  He said you don’t have to.

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.” ― Bertrand Russell

Turns out he wanted to pick up Christmas gifts that he brought, not only for me but also for my sister.  I was shocked and embarrassed.  He said it is just something simple. I hope so.  I got him nothing, but ordered a book now.

He also brought my sister, white pine needles for her to make tea. Apparently it has many benefits, including improving the immune system.

He texted now asking me out for Sunday.  He wants to meet during the day, has a couple of fun ideas.

“Expressing doubt is how we begin a journey to discover essential truths.” ― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

I meet a guy that seems perfect. He is a gentleman, spiritual, handsome, interested in self growth, funny, family oriented, plan dates, open car doors, pays for everything, etc, etc.  So why am I hesitating?  Why am I so unsure?

His only apparent flaw as of now:  liking me too much!!

Since I didn’t post this yet, and it is now Christmas morning and we have already opened our gifts, here is what he got for us:

My sister got a beautiful candle above and I got an assortment of bath salts, mango scented scrub and a special Greek oil.  Plus chocolate.  He tried to hit all my favorites.

“In these times I don’t, in a manner of speaking, know what I want; perhaps I don’t want what I know and want what I don’t know.” ― Marsilio Ficino, The Letters of Marsilio Ficino, Vol. 3

I hope you guys are having a beautiful, peaceful and joyous Christmas!  Blessings to us All! 

A face only a mother can love :-)

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“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” ― Winston S. Churchill

I am in love with my mosaics even when they fail.  What is failure anyway?  The beauty of the creative arts, is that there is no right or wrong.  It is all subjective.

That is why I love mosaics: for its imperfections.  I look at this one and I see where I can do things better, different, but still I appreciate the time, effort and creativity I put into it.

This new piece taught me a lot.  It showed me that I need to learn certain techniques and how to use certain materials. Such as how to draw faces and how to use resin.

I am learning to love the creative process.  I am still in awe that I can be creative.  I still continue to try to rush, but I am slowly learning how to love the moment and not only to aim for the results.  

Here I present to you what was supposed to be an Indian with war paint on his face and a colorful headdress on his head.  The result looks more like a lion or a cat burglar.   Still, it is my creation and I love it, flaws and all!

“A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions–as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, If This Isn’t Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young

“I believe in the power of the imagination to remake the world, to release the truth within us, to hold back the night, to transcend death, to charm motorways, to ingratiate ourselves with birds, to enlist the confidences of madmen.” ― J.G. Ballard

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” ― Robert F. Kennedy

 

“Do not let arrogance go to your head and despair to your heart; do not let compliments go to your head and criticisms to your heart; do not let success go to your head and failure to your heart.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

 

He came with pink flowers

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I forgot to mention on my last post that J. brought me flowers on the second date.

My nails had pink polish on the first date, and he complimented them.  I mentioned liking pink nail polish and he assumed I liked all things pink. 

So he chose pink flowers. I appreciated the gesture. It is always special to receive flowers, no matter what color.

We are going on the 3rd date tonight.  We haven’t decided where to go yet, as I am not sure what time I will be able to leave work.  He mentioned dinner and a movie again, but I think it will be too much since I have to be up very early tomorrow.

He reaches out every day, and continues to say all the right things.  I am still skeptical, but I plan on:

  • Proceed with caution, but not forget to enjoy the moment  
  • Speak up – Say what I need and want. Don’t expect him to read my mind.
  • Ask questions  – when is doubt, ask.  If something is bothering, talk about it
  • Keep fear and doubts at bay – Not let the fear of getting hurt sabotage a potential good thing.  Acknowledge the fear, but not let it paralyze me. 
  • Not look at everything as a red flag.  Don’t assume the worst.  Look and assess the evidence.
  • Listen to my instincts – they are very good at guiding me.

“THE WEATHER OF LOVE

Love
Has a way of wilting
Or blossoming
At the strangest,
Most unpredictable hour.
This is how love is,
An uncontrollable beast
In the form of a flower.
The sun does not always shine on it.
Nor does the rain always pour on it
Nor should it always get beaten by a storm.
Love does not always emit the sweetest scents,
And sometimes it can sting with its thorns.
Water it.
Give it plenty of sunlight.
Nurture it,
And the flower of love will
Outlive you.
Neglect it or keep dissecting it,
And its petals will quickly curl up and die.
This is how love is,
Perfection is a delusional vision.
So love the person who loves you
Unconditionally,
And abandon the one
Who only loves you
Under favorable
Conditions.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Two dates in two days, with the same person. And he didn’t disappear yet.

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“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ― Shel Silverstein

 J is 56, smart, successful and funny. A gentleman in every way.

First date: Friday, December 17. Location: Kouzina Taverna in Stamford, CT.
To drink I had the Santorini Spritz: Ramazotti Blood Orange & Hibiscus Aperivo, Absolut Grapefruit Flavored Vodka, La Marca Prosecco. It was delicious. He had diet coke.

We shared the fried cheese and the zucchini/Feta balls for appetizers. For entrees, he had the octopus and I had moussaka. For dessert I had chocolate mousse cake.  Everything was really delicious!

I got there a few minutes before he did. I was blessed with a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Yes, in these parts finding a parking space is something to be happy about. He came in a few minutes later, thinking, that because I am Brazilian, I was going to be late. That should teach him not to assume things.

We had a great time from the start. Our conversation ran the gamut from our families and childhood to the politics and the state of the world. We respectfully disagreed on a couple of things. 

After a 3 hour dinner, we took a walk around the block. He asked me out for the next evening. I said yes.

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

Second date: Saturday, December 18. Location: Alvin and Friends, New Rochelle, NY.

For appetizer we had cod fritters and corn bread. Then I had the ribs with macaroni and cheese, and he had oxtail with rice. We had no dessert, as we were running late to catch a movie.

Again, similar to the evening before, there was no awkward moment or lack of conversation. He asked the waiter to take our picture. I was okay with it and the picture came out great.

After dinner, we walked to the movie theater. We saw House of Gucci. I was not bored. It was entertaining, but I expected so much more from the story.

After dinner he dropped me off at my door.  There was a couple of kisses good bye.  He asked me out for this Wednesday night. I said yes today.  We just have to decide where and what time.

He has been the perfect gentleman. If there is anything that gives me pause is the fact that he seems to like me a lot from the start.   He keeps saying how great I am.  I asked him to slow down. I said: “I am even more amazing than you think, but you don’t know that yet”.  Yes, I am my biggest fan lol

In all seriousness, I asked him to slow down, so we get to know each other. Chances are that what he calls adorable, will annoy him in a few more dates. Perhaps he will disappear. Or I will disappear. 

I will talk to him again. If he doesn’t slow down, I will run.  I know myself, I can’t feel pressured.  I am always leery of someone liking me so much right away.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

Let It Be

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Paul McCartney has said that he wrote this song after waking up from a dream where his mother came to him and spoke reassuring words.  At the time he was going  through a period of anxiety and paranoia.  Her words lifted him up from that dark place and brought him peace.
 
This is a song of letting go of burdens and doubts and embracing positivity.
 
It is a reminder to me, not to carry anything negative.  It is a good time to stop and shake things up that are holding us down and back. 
 
Let it go and Let it be!
 
Let it Be – Paul McCartney
 
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be, be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shinin’ until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Life is a never-ending to-do list, and still, it is only a breath

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Applausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CTApplausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CT

Last weekend in a few sentences:

Friday night:
Applausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CT.  Anthony, my friend of several years, and I were celebrating his birthday. We always have the best time anywhere we go. This time was not different. The conversation is always inspiring.

The food was delicious.  He had the potato leek soup, then a gluten free pasta with tomato sauce. I had arugula salad with cherry tomatoes, and then eggplant parmigiana. 

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Saturday:
Mosaic Studio. I am so glad that the studio re-opened.  I was able to finish a piece that I have started several weeks ago. I will be posting it shortly.  The studio is really my happy place.  No matter how bad my pieces turn out, I am so in love with them.  I am in love creating.  Who knew I can be creative?

Costco. Yes, I lost my senses for a moment and agreed to go to Costco on a Saturday.  Yes, it was nuts.  How can you walk in Costco to pick a couple of items and a hour later you are staring at a cartful and a $400 bill? I am always shocked, but it happens every time.

Room for rent. My cousin is staying with me until he finds an apartment or a room to rent. We went to see a place and it was so great that I wanted to move there. The lady was so kind.  Her house was so clean and she had at least 100 plants all around. He is still deciding if that is the right place for him.

“I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson, Travels with a Donkey in the Cévennes

Sunday:
Sonora Restaurant, Port Chester, NY: My sister and I, plus 4 other girls went there for brunch. It was fun and delicious. The girls ranged in age from 40 to 59, and conversation centered mostly about all the travels that we want to do. Some of the places that we are planning on are: Las Vegas, Scotland, and Dubai.

We had all kinds of tapas: shrimp, tacos, croquettes, flatbreads, etc. Some of the ladies had some egg and steak dishes. We all shared a couple of pitchers of mango sangria. Perfect!

Organizing.  The organizations of my closets and drawers is a never-ending project.  I love the idea of simplifying and minimizing.  It feels very freeing to get rid of material stuff.  I am begging my sister not to give me anything for Christmas.  I want to finish all the cosmetics, clothes, shoes, etc, that I have, and then start over with only items I truly love.

“It is best as one grows older to strip oneself of possessions, to shed oneself downward like a tree, to be almost wholly earth before one dies.” ― Sylvia Townsend Warner, Lolly Willowes

Life is a breath. The rest of the day was mostly rest and tv, and getting some Christmas cash cards done. It was sad to realize that, from the 7 workers that compose the staff in the building I live at, 2 are no longer with us. One was a victim of cancer and the other of Covid. I miss them both daily.

We owe the people gone too soon, not to waste a single moment in regret or anger.  Do good if you can, but if not, do not do any harm. Have fun, laugh more, live it up!!

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

No harm, no foul!

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“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”  ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

The second date with the finance guy never happened.  He texted me on Friday to cancel, saying he had to drive his elderly father somewhere. 

I suspected it was an excuse, and I felt fine about it.  We had a couple of more texts that day.  This morning I realized he never texted again.  Then I noticed that he had closed his account on Bumble. 

Even though I am fine with it, as we didn’t really have much chemistry, I am still disappointed that he made an excuse to cancel the date instead of just telling me he was no longer interested. 

I texted him, not mentioning I had seen he was no longer on Bumble.

Now I have closure! lol, who needs closure after 1 date?  I do!  

I wished him luck, and I mean it.  He is a good guy, very busy with a test that he needs to take, and we are not a match.  Life goes on. NEXT!!

“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.” ― Phillip C. McGraw

 

All indications are good, but it is too early to tell

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“I’m not sure of anything,” she said. “Which is almost wonderful.”
― Peter Heller, Celine

Date: Tuesday, Dec 7, 21
Location: Scalini Restaurant, Bronxville, NY

He is 55 years old, divorced with no kids. Works in the Finance industry.

I arrived at 7:05 pm and he was sitting at the bar waiting for me.  He came and met me at the door and we hugged hello.

He had a gray sweater with a shirt underneath and, oh gosh, I realized that I don’t know what type of pants and shoes he had on.  That is one of my flaws.  I don’t pay attention.  I know how someone made me feel but I don’t know what they were wearing.  Another item for my list of things to work on.

The waiter showed us to our table. Everything went smoothly from the start, with no awkward moments. We were talking so much, and not looking at the menu.  The waiter had to keep returning to our table to see if we were ready to order.

He liked that I mentioned we should share the appetizer, as he likes to share food.  Awesome, as I do too!  

Appetizer was spicy meatballs with roasted peppers and it was delicious.  For the entrée, I had salmon with artichoke and leak quinoa.  The quinoa seemed to have been fried or sautéed and I loved it!  He had the bucatini and it was also very tasty.

For dessert we shared an Almond tiramisu.  It was good, but not as good as the original tiramisu.

“In these times I don’t, in a manner of speaking, know what I want; perhaps I don’t want what I know and want what I don’t know.” ― Marsilio Ficino, The Letters of Marsilio Ficino, Vol. 3

The conversation flowed. We talked about a lot different topics.  He played soccer, has been to Brazil, and speaks a little Portuguese.   He was attentive, smart, and a total gentleman.  

He didn’t laugh at everything I said, but I am not taking that as a bad sign.  I need to stop thinking that I need to entertain people and make them laugh.  He was perhaps a bit on the shy side.

At the end of the evening, he walked me to my car, and gave me a quick peck good bye.

When I got home, he texted to say that it was great meeting and that we should do it again.  I agreed.  We decided on Saturday (tomorrow).

I am not completely sure if we are a match or not, but we deserve a second date. 

 “When you are not sure what to do, take action. You will quickly find out.” ― Jeffrey Fry

Ghosting is not okay!

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“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ― Andy Rooney

After I published the last post, I received a reply to my text:

The rest of the text reads: “soon as I felt it, but it just very recently has happened.”

At least he replied, but I still think that was a rude and coward move. I guess he was never going to say anything.  Ghosting was his chosen way to end things. 

Why leave me thinking that he is going to call? Why not contact me?  Why leave someone in limbo?

Am I being unreasonable to expect someone to let me know that they have changed their mind?  

I have no expectations after one date, good or not.  But if I have 2 dates that were great and the person keeps in touch and mentions a third; in that case I believe we have something and expect at least a courtesy text.

What saddens me, is not the rejection, but the fact that people think this is an acceptable way to treat each other.   It will never be acceptable to me.

I will not behave in such way, and I will not accept it as being okay.  I will continue to conduct myself in dating, as I do in life, with kindness, respect and thoughtfulness. I will continue to let the Golden Rule guide me.

I should write an online dating etiquette guide. I believe a lot people are just clueless, and perhaps not mean spirited. 

Onward and forward.  Stay tuned, the next post is about my date last night.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ― Roy T. Bennett

So it goes, So it goes…

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“Great minds have purpose, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortunes; but great minds rise above them.” ― Washington Irving

Well, Well, Well… here we are again.

The IT/Teacher guy was supposed to reach out to plan a 3rd date. We last exchanged texts on Thanksgiving Day.  I have not heard from him yet.  Chances are I will never hear from him again.  This is not my first rodeo!

He did say that he is not the type to be constantly in touch, but this is a bit out long.  At this point I am not sure if I will reach out or not.  Well, as I come to this post to publish it, I texted him.  No reply yet.  We shall see, if I get silence or an excuse.

Once again, after two great dates, the guy disappears. Is the Universe playing tricks on me? Should I just give up on this whole dating thing? Should I start thinking there is something wrong with me?

“My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others! ” ― Marquis de Sade

NO, NO and NO! None of that!!!  a) The Universe is being the Universe, forever a wise guide, sending me lessons and teachers. b) Online dating is not for the faint of heart. I can take it, and keep going better and stronger.  c) I am not one to get discouraged and/or to start thinking there is something wrong with me or that I am doing something wrong. I am perfect! 🙂

These disappearing acts have nothing to do with anything that I have done or not done.  They were just not the right guy for me yet.  But, with each disappearing act, I feel I am getting closer. 

“And the little prince broke into a lovely peal of laughter, which irritated me very much. I like my misfortunes to be taken seriously.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Happiness is the journey and not the destination, isn’t that what they say?  And I wholeheartedly agree.   Even with the occasional disappointment of not hearing from someone when it all seemed so perfect, even with an occasional jerk, even with so many fake profiles, I still enjoy the journey.

I enjoy going on dates, meeting new people, discovering new things about myself and others. What I enjoy most of all is that feeling I get when I detect potential and possibilities.

“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.” ― Voltaire

I am happy dreaming of the possibilities. I am in love with the potential. I am excited about first dates with great men; and sometimes not so great men.  If they never call again, it doesn’t mean they are less amazing, but that they are more amazing to someone else.

And, as fate would have, I am now excited about a first date tomorrow night.  Do I dare say that it seems so right?  I dare!

And so it goes, so it goes.