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Tag Archives: Anniversary

*Thank you for 3 great years! * One minute of humanity *Friendship or foolishness?

04 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

Anniversary, being accountable, being grateful, Birthday, Dating, drugs, flirting with disaster, friendship, Homeless

There is so much going on at the moment! I will share more on the next post.  For now I want to share a couple of things:

This month marks the 3rd year that my blog is in existence.  I think this is a huge achievement for me, specially since I am the queen of starting countless projects and not always sticking with them.

This blog has been everything for me!  I have said many times that I credit this blog with saving my sanity at the time of the breakup, were not for this blog I think I would be locked up in some mental institution still obsessing about my ex. As time goes by this blog becomes more and more meaningful to me.   It has become my friend and confidant.  This blog has kept me honest and accountable.  It has helped me see things clearer and some times make sense out of nonsense.

But a blog without a reader is nothing.  So this anniversary is dedicated to you my reader!  I see this anniversary as another excuse to thank you for reading and caring enough to give me some of your valuable insight.  You have touched my life and my journey with your energy and love and for that I am forever changed and forever grateful!

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

***

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Friday evening while running to catch the train I stopped to talk to a homeless man.  I have written here many times on how I am unsure as to weather to stop or not as I never know if the person is mentally ill and will all of a sudden attack me.

On a side note,  I do miss my friend Milton and hope he is okay http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2013/07/16/milton-my-new-friend/  He had mentioned that NY city was going to provide him with an apartment in another part of town, so I am happy in the ignorance of thinking that is where he is, nice and warm and well fed. I remember him in my prayers specially in this cold weather.

So I stopped by this gray bearded man that looked over 60 years old but that was probably much younger.  As I am fishing for some money out of my bag I asked him if he was cold.  I know the stupidity of my question as this is one of the coldest winters in NY City, but he played along.  He said he was warm and sometimes too warm that he even had to remove his hat because he got sweaty.  As he says that he removes his hat.  Then we both at the same time started talking about how this was not a smart idea, to expose a sweaty head to freezing cold.  He mentioned that sometimes he gets a headache out of it and took some Advil.

He had the warmest, welcoming and grateful smile ever.  He was so happy that I stopped and talked to him.  I think that he appreciated that minute of conversation more than the money I gave him.

Unfortunately I only gave him a minute.  I waste so much of my time with mundane things and yet to a fellow human being I only gave one minute.  I am not proud!

I regret being in such a hurry to catch the train.  I was running to get ready for a date.  I was in such a hurry and he seemed to have so much to say that I didn’t even think of asking his name.

I felt bad.  Then the date got canceled.  Was it karma? Was I being punished?   Absolutely not!  The date being canceled was a major blessing!  When it got canceled I actually took a moment to stop and say a silent prayer to recognize God for his wisdom and thank him for blessing me with his guidance.  I had already something telling me this date was not a good idea and still I was going to go through with it,  I was trying to shut that little voice down.

It was blamed on miss-communication, but I totally credit my guardian angels.  I am the world’s most blessed person! Yes I am!  Even when I ignore signs and the little voice inside, God steps in and takes me out of the hands of trouble!

Feeling infinitely humbled and grateful!

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

***

“friendship is the only cure for hatred, the only guarantee of peace.”
― Gautama Buddha

An update regarding the guy from the last post:  In a very strange twist he and I have become closer.  I canceled the weekend, we talked about it, he understood, and I thought I would never hear from him again.  The very next day he calls me and asks me if I was angry with him and never wanted to talk to him again.  Again we talked for a long time and we agreed to continue to talk and to continue to be 100% honest with each other.  We have not met again as I am very busy and so he is, and then there is the snow, etc, but we are supposed to meet for dinner one of these days.

We talk every day, we make each other laugh.  In a weird way I feel I can trust him more than some other people.  I appreciate that he was honest with me.  I respect that he didn’t try to change my mind.  He said it was a non-issue and that it was fine if I was not interested, end of the story. He also said that he only brought it up because I had mentioned that I wanted to experience things and be more open and free. My excuse for that kind of talk is that we had a very long awesome date, I had had a couple of cocktails and wine, and I have  my 49th birthday looming in my mind. So I was high on life and feeling the urgency of living.  I feel the time to be crazy is now or never.  I was feeling very courageous and adventurous. He said that he thought since he hasn’t done that in a long time he thought it would be perfect.  I now learned that I have to be careful with what I say. My definition of being crazy is clearly very different than his.  Crazy for me is having 3 drinks, dancing on the table and making out on the first date.

(I am writing his and mine conversation not to excuse him or make his offer okay.  Drugs are still not okay in my book, but I have to recognize that I have played a part in leading him on in that conversation.  That night I was definitely writing checks that my ass couldn’t probably ever cash!!)

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

Perhaps I am flirting with disaster with continuing this friendship or perhaps I am testing the possibility that 2 people with opposing views in a subject can actually become close friends.  Whatever it is, I decided that this was not grounds to stop talking to him. In a way I have to thank him for:

  • making me more aware of how my words and actions can send people mixed signals
  • making me realize that appearances can be deceiving
  • making me realize that even though I am older and wiser I can still be susceptible and weak to certain things

Only time can tell what this friendship will bring…

“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

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The gift of being a juror!

09 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 45 Comments

Tags

alternate juror, Anniversary, civil duty, deliberations, honor, Immigrant, Judicial system, jury duty, learning self control, White Plains

“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” ― John F. Kennedy

My future began today, 30 years ago!  Today is the anniversary of my arrival in the US.  I arrived in NY November 8, 1984 to stay 3 months. 30 years later I am still here and I can’t imagine ever leaving it.

It has been 30 years of amazing experiences.  There have been tough times and fun times.  There has been immense growth, but in some ways I am still the 17 year clueless girl that arrived unsure of what the future would hold.  I had no English, no money, no job and had bills to pay, but I had one powerful ally on my side:  My unshakable belief in God!

I will not go into details about my arrival here and the life I have lived these 30 years on this post.   I plan to write about it in the future when inspiration and time permits.  The point of today’s post is to tell you about the gift that NY State has given me to celebrate my anniversary:  I was chosen as Alternate Juror Number One in a Medical Malpractice case!

I find it poetic to be doing this right at this milestone of 30 years.  I am choosing to see this as an honor and also as my right and duty as an American citizen.  I also get to witness first hand how the American Justice system works.

Well, at first, like everyone else,  I tried to get out of jury duty.  I was not going to lie to get out of it, but I figured that my brutal honesty would perhaps be enough.

In case you have never been called for jury duty let me give you a brief summary of what happened when I showed up in court 2 days ago.  I was instructed to sit in this huge auditorium with another approximately 100 people.  The Commissioner of Jurors addressed us and explained all that was going to happen.  I found her and her assistant extremely helpful and friendly.  Then they dismissed some people such as students that would be missing school, people that had vacation scheduled, people with difficulty in understanding the English language, etc.   From there we were divided in smaller groups.  Each group went into a separate room and got assigned a case.  My group was assigned a Medical Malpractice case.  They then introduced both attorneys, the one for the plaintiff and the one for the defendant.  In this case the plaintiff herself was also present, but not the defendant.  The attorney then explained the case and asked every single one of us questions while looking at questionnaire that we each had completed upon arrival.

The aim of these questions are to make sure that there is nothing in our lives (or in the lives of our loved ones) that may make difficult for us to be partial when deliberating, such as legal issue, medical issues, etc.  For example, a lady was dismissed because her husband was a patient at the clinic where this one doctors works.

They questioned us in groups of 12.  After each group the attorneys go to a separate room and decide on who to pick and who to send home. From the first group of the 12, they chose only 3 people.  We were all shocked that some of the people that we thought would clearly be chosen was not, while some that we thought would never be picked were.  From the second group of 12, my group, 4 people were chosen. From the final 12 people another 2 were chosen.

“Human happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected.” ― George Washington

When it was my turn to be questioned, I answered honestly and provided information such as:

  • I come from a country where people don’t sue people and then I get to the US and everyone here is sue-happy. I don’t really like all this suing business.  To which the attorney asked me if I would be able to see that some suits have merits.  I said: of course.
  • My brother is a nurse and I have heard plenty of horror stories about some doctors’s carelessness.
  • I have had both good and bad experiences with doctors. To which the attorney said if that meant that I would be able to see both sides, the patient and the doctor and form an opinion. I said yes.
  • If chosen I will have to work some evenings and on the weekend to be able to catch up with my work, as I am the only one in my company that does what I do, such a payroll, etc. To that one of the attorneys asked me jokingly if I was trying to play the “Jewish mother guilt card”.
  • One of the attorneys asked if I would be open to the idea that doctors can make a mistake, and if so if I would be able to award monetary damages.  I responded that I would be open to anything, I would have to hear the facts and see the evidence in the case. He liked that answer.
  • I said that they should ask jurors for their astrological signs.  I am serious!  The way the jurors interact with one another is very important.  I don’t think the attorneys took that seriously.
  • I also mentioned, and this may have been my biggest mistake, that it would be my 30th year anniversary of living in the US, and as such I saw this entire “being called for jury process” an honor.

My question and answer part drew laughs and even applause, but still I didn’t expect to be chosen.  I was shocked when they called my name, and yet there was part of me that knew I was going to be called.  It is hard to describe, knowing that something will happen and at the same time being shocked when it does.

I accept it and I will perform it to the best of my abilities.

Here is what I see as the worst part of it all:  I am an alternate juror.  As such I have to sit there and listen to the evidence but when it comes time to deliberate I get send home with the thanks from the court.  In a way it feels like punishment for me, since I always have something to say about everything. We have only heard one day of testimony and I am already in pins and needles with so much to say.

In this case there are 6 jurors and 3 alternates. The order in which you are picked dictates your juror number.  I was the 7th person chosen, that is why I get to be Alternate number one. Being alternate juror number 1 means I am number 1 on the reserve bench.  I only get to play if one of the main players gets injured or some other emergency happens.

“Character is doing what you don’t want to do but know you should do.” ― Joyce Meyer

This whole thing will be an incredible learning experience. Here are some of the benefits I already see about becoming a juror, and this case an alternate juror.

  • New friends.  I have already become fast friends with 3 amazing ladies.  One is a teacher, one is an attorney and one is a very social retiree.  I can see continuing the friendship(s) once this is over. All the other jurors are also friendly.
  • Learning to be quiet and just absorb the information and keep my opinions to myself will be hard, but I am sure it is something that I can learn and use it in my daily life.  Just the other day my co-worker said to me:  Just because I am telling you something it does not mean I want your opinion or advice!  Ouch!  But he was right!
  • Learning to refrain from impulsively researching on Google and looking for information about people/things.  As jurors, we are not allowed to research aspects and the subjects of the case. Do you know how hard it is for me not to Google this doctor and this medical condition? Extremely hard since I am a Googleholic (I guess I just made up a word :-).
  • Learning that I have to have faith and trust in others to make the right decision. I guess I do have a massive ego and I also have very high self esteem. It has crossed my mind that the 6 jurors may not make the right decision without my valuable input.  How egotistical of me! Why do I always think I am either the smartest person in the room or the dumbest?  Why can I think of me as average?
  • Not having the pressure to make a decision.  Well, this one was pointed to me as a benefit but I am not sure.  I don’t see it as pressure in this case but mostly making justice.  Now, if this was criminal court and somebody’s freedom was in my hands I probably would have a different opinion.

At the end of the day I am there to perform my duties of Alternate Juror Number One to the best of my abilities.  I am going to be the juror that I wish would be listening to my case were I a defendant or a plaintiff in a case.  Golden Rule always!

So far we have heard one day of testimony.  I cannot write about the details right now, but at the end I will and I will also let you know if I agree or not with the jurors, not that it matters either way! 😦

 “Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.” ― Adlai E. Stevenson II

 

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3 YEARS TODAY???

07 Wednesday Mar 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in EX Files

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Anniversary, Just breath, Just love, Saint Francis

Today it would have been 3 years together. The ex corrected me on a text the other day saying that is not” would be” but “are”.  Are? Are we still together? I guess we have different ideas of what it means to be together.

When you hint (well, more than hint) that I should move out and I do, we are not together!

When we see each other once a week when you have time, we are not together!

When you warn me that you are not doing anything for Valentine’s Day, no flowers, no card, no dinner, we are not together!

When I am not first, second, third, fourth or fifth in your priority list, we are not together!

What I am is convenient! I am here for when you need/want!  The sad part is that I am better than that!  But right now I feel I don’t have the strength to change anything.

I decided to just love and make no judgement about anything.  I have to be honest that deciding to just love has been freeing.  It has made me lighter.

On this 3 year anniversary would be, I thank God for the time ex and I spent together. I thank ex for all he taught me and all he introduced me to. Thank you ex for the trips you have taken me to.  thank you for introducing me to tennis and skiing.  Thank you for treating me like a Princess (well until you didn’t anymore).

I have no regrets of our time together.  I have no regrets of ever loving you and for loving you still! I will love you forever.  I am trying to move on as best as I can. I am trying to hold it all together. I thank God for the good memories that I will cherish forever.

May we be able to remain friends, supporters and fans of each other.  May my heart not turn to stone, but become so huge and soft that will encompass all!

From my heart and soul I wish you ex all the best, may God guide you and open all the doors that have remained stubbornly closed.  I wish you find what you are looking for. I wish you happiness, contentment, harmony and peace!!  With love for all that to be with me, but perhaps the Universe has other ideas, so please be happy and send the world happiness!!!

****

What I really wanted today was to receive flowers from him at my desk. What I received was a text saying “Happy 3 yr anniversary, wish we could be together more”.  Not that I want to be picky, but where is the “I love you”??

Come on, Miss Blessed, you said you decided to love, so just love and be grateful you got that and move on!!! Just breath!!!!!!

****

I knew that today would be a major difficult day.  The anniversary coupled with PMS, and is also Chiefy’s birthday.  Chiefy is the ex’s dog.  I came to love and care about that dog like I never cared about any creature before. Today, and actually, any time I think of him (which happens on a daily basis) I say a prayer to Saint Francis – the patron saint of the animals.

Today Chiefy, on your 8th birthday may God protect and guide you. May Saint Francis be always watching you! May you have long health, shiny coat, water, food and warm bed.

I love you Chiefy!!

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