Anniversary, being accountable, being grateful, Birthday, Dating, drugs, flirting with disaster, friendship, Homeless
There is so much going on at the moment! I will share more on the next post. For now I want to share a couple of things:
This month marks the 3rd year that my blog is in existence. I think this is a huge achievement for me, specially since I am the queen of starting countless projects and not always sticking with them.
This blog has been everything for me! I have said many times that I credit this blog with saving my sanity at the time of the breakup, were not for this blog I think I would be locked up in some mental institution still obsessing about my ex. As time goes by this blog becomes more and more meaningful to me. It has become my friend and confidant. This blog has kept me honest and accountable. It has helped me see things clearer and some times make sense out of nonsense.
But a blog without a reader is nothing. So this anniversary is dedicated to you my reader! I see this anniversary as another excuse to thank you for reading and caring enough to give me some of your valuable insight. You have touched my life and my journey with your energy and love and for that I am forever changed and forever grateful!
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
On Friday evening while running to catch the train I stopped to talk to a homeless man. I have written here many times on how I am unsure as to weather to stop or not as I never know if the person is mentally ill and will all of a sudden attack me.
On a side note, I do miss my friend Milton and hope he is okay http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2013/07/16/milton-my-new-friend/ He had mentioned that NY city was going to provide him with an apartment in another part of town, so I am happy in the ignorance of thinking that is where he is, nice and warm and well fed. I remember him in my prayers specially in this cold weather.
So I stopped by this gray bearded man that looked over 60 years old but that was probably much younger. As I am fishing for some money out of my bag I asked him if he was cold. I know the stupidity of my question as this is one of the coldest winters in NY City, but he played along. He said he was warm and sometimes too warm that he even had to remove his hat because he got sweaty. As he says that he removes his hat. Then we both at the same time started talking about how this was not a smart idea, to expose a sweaty head to freezing cold. He mentioned that sometimes he gets a headache out of it and took some Advil.
He had the warmest, welcoming and grateful smile ever. He was so happy that I stopped and talked to him. I think that he appreciated that minute of conversation more than the money I gave him.
Unfortunately I only gave him a minute. I waste so much of my time with mundane things and yet to a fellow human being I only gave one minute. I am not proud!
I regret being in such a hurry to catch the train. I was running to get ready for a date. I was in such a hurry and he seemed to have so much to say that I didn’t even think of asking his name.
I felt bad. Then the date got canceled. Was it karma? Was I being punished? Absolutely not! The date being canceled was a major blessing! When it got canceled I actually took a moment to stop and say a silent prayer to recognize God for his wisdom and thank him for blessing me with his guidance. I had already something telling me this date was not a good idea and still I was going to go through with it, I was trying to shut that little voice down.
It was blamed on miss-communication, but I totally credit my guardian angels. I am the world’s most blessed person! Yes I am! Even when I ignore signs and the little voice inside, God steps in and takes me out of the hands of trouble!
Feeling infinitely humbled and grateful!
“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank
“friendship is the only cure for hatred, the only guarantee of peace.”
― Gautama Buddha
An update regarding the guy from the last post: In a very strange twist he and I have become closer. I canceled the weekend, we talked about it, he understood, and I thought I would never hear from him again. The very next day he calls me and asks me if I was angry with him and never wanted to talk to him again. Again we talked for a long time and we agreed to continue to talk and to continue to be 100% honest with each other. We have not met again as I am very busy and so he is, and then there is the snow, etc, but we are supposed to meet for dinner one of these days.
We talk every day, we make each other laugh. In a weird way I feel I can trust him more than some other people. I appreciate that he was honest with me. I respect that he didn’t try to change my mind. He said it was a non-issue and that it was fine if I was not interested, end of the story. He also said that he only brought it up because I had mentioned that I wanted to experience things and be more open and free. My excuse for that kind of talk is that we had a very long awesome date, I had had a couple of cocktails and wine, and I have my 49th birthday looming in my mind. So I was high on life and feeling the urgency of living. I feel the time to be crazy is now or never. I was feeling very courageous and adventurous. He said that he thought since he hasn’t done that in a long time he thought it would be perfect. I now learned that I have to be careful with what I say. My definition of being crazy is clearly very different than his. Crazy for me is having 3 drinks, dancing on the table and making out on the first date.
(I am writing his and mine conversation not to excuse him or make his offer okay. Drugs are still not okay in my book, but I have to recognize that I have played a part in leading him on in that conversation. That night I was definitely writing checks that my ass couldn’t probably ever cash!!)
“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed
Perhaps I am flirting with disaster with continuing this friendship or perhaps I am testing the possibility that 2 people with opposing views in a subject can actually become close friends. Whatever it is, I decided that this was not grounds to stop talking to him. In a way I have to thank him for:
- making me more aware of how my words and actions can send people mixed signals
- making me realize that appearances can be deceiving
- making me realize that even though I am older and wiser I can still be susceptible and weak to certain things
Only time can tell what this friendship will bring…
“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” ― Mahatma Gandhi