Tag Archives: Brazil

Being in Brazil

26 Thursday May 2022

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“The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” ― G.K. Chesterton

I have been in Brazil now since May 11th.  I am returning to NY this Saturday, May 28.  I love being in Brazil with my parents, but I miss my routine in the US. 

I came back to Brazil to bring my mother back after her stay in NY, and also to give my brother a vacation from taking care of my parents.  He went to Porto Seguro, Bahia, where it is always sunny and hot. 

In our area, in the Southeast of Brazil, it has been chilly. There is no indoor heating.  I have been trying to talk my parents into getting a heater but it has been tough for them to accept it.  Anything new to my parents, it is a waste of money.  It doesn’t matter if I am the one paying for.

“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?” ― Henry David Thoreau

While here I am spending most of my time:

  • Preparing lunch.  Lunch is a big deal here.  Right at breakfast we talk about what will be on the menu for lunch. There is always rice, beans and a salad.  Then a protein, mostly beef or chicken, and vegetables, anything from zucchini to okra.
  • Fixing stuff around the house/buying stuff. I bought new hampers and other accessories for the home, I cemented some loose stones around the the balcony and garage, cleaned closets, etc.
  • Having friends over for afternoon coffee.  Not all of them tell us they are coming.  Some just show up.  There is always country cheese, and a combination of breads, cookies, cheese bread, etc on the table.  
  • Working remotely.  I have been doing office work a few hours a day.  It is not as productive as when I am in the office, and often frustrating to work on a tiny laptop, but I have been getting stuff done.
  • Pilates.  I started on the day arrived and have been going every day for one hour.  The studio is around the corner from my house.  It has been amazing!!  I wish I could do Pilates every day forever.  
  • Answering the door.  There are all kinds of people selling all kinds of stuff.    We are customers of some of them for years. We buy everything from produce to water.  There is always some new face selling something.  My parents buy something from everyone to help them out.

I do a lot here, and still doesn’t feel I am doing enough or as much as I should. I arrive full of plans, and want to go home feeling I have accomplished a lot.

Lately when I am in Brazil I mostly stay with my parents.  I want to spend as much time with them as I can while I have them.  But the other evening I decided to meet some girlfriends for a drink.  We had pizza and wine, and it was a lot fun.

Since getting Covid in December I haven’t been myself mentally.  I forget things, I mess up things.  My family noticed and they are urging me to see a doctor.   Just today I went to another town one hour away to deliver some documents.  When I got there, I realized that I had taken the wrong envelope.  This type of situation has been a constant for me, daily. 

I hope this mental fogginess gets better.  The heartburn and anxiety are gone, so I have faith it is a matter of time.   It is just tough right now to be second guessing myself and see myself becoming insecure and unsure.

See you back in NY! 🙂

https://www.instagram.com/blessedwithastar/?hl=en

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

 

 

Happy to go and happy to return!

16 Wednesday Jun 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Usually, there is nothing more pleasing that returning to a place where you have endured hardship.” ― Tahir Shah

I just arrived from Brazil.  Exhausted, but so happy I went!

When I left, I had great plans for this blog.  I was going to post something every day. There would be tons of pictures.  I assumed, incorrectly, that I would have the time and energy to write, and to also do my office work.  None of that happened.

Instead I devoted my time to my family.  I got there and gave my brother a much deserved break.  I was left in charge of everything, including meals, medication and taking my Mom to a couple of doctor’s appointment.

I have a renewed respect and understanding for all that my brother has been doing.  It is not easy!  And to cook, on top of it all!  Lunch is a huge affair in Brazil, specially at my house. At breakfast there is already discussion about the menu for lunch.

I will talk more about that and other details about being in Brazil.  At the moment I am scrambling to catch up with work stuff.  Work has been neglected. I have been neglected.  I neglected you.

Gotta run, just wanted to say hi.  I look forward to catching up to everyone’s blog/life.  I have missed you!!

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

Far away family and unfinished floors

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

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“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”― Paulo Coelho

My friend, and fellow blogger, David from Life and Random Thinking https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/ asked me 2 questions while commenting on a post.  Here are the questions and answers:

David asked: How is your mom in Brazil? How did your reno turn out?

My family in Brazil.  My family lives in a town in the state of Sao Paulo.  The population is about 85,000.  As of this moment there are no confirmed cases of the Coronavirus there, but I think it is only a matter of time.  

Healthcare in Brazil is really bad.  Too often hospitals lack equipment and space.  I cannot imagine what will happen if they become inundated with cases. On top of that, our president follows everything Trump says and does.  Right now he is arguing with governors and mayors over what he calls “overreaction”. 

My parents don’t seem too worried about themselves, or at least they don’t show.  They worry about the economy and the people that cannot afford to stay at home until this is over.  Mom is also sad that all our travel plans had to be canceled.  She was coming to NY in April.  Now all is on hold.

I remain positive that my mother, who is turning 85 years old on May 1st and my dad who is 83 will be okay.  They are homebodies anyway so it is not hard to keep them at home.  I worry about the people that normally come to the house.  

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ― George Burns

My brother, who is 62 years old, is the one that oversees the care of my parents.  He lives in the little house in the back of their house, so he is always there.  There is a lady that cleans the house twice a week and there is a nurse that comes once or twice a week to check on my dad issues with his leg (he had one leg amputated due to cancer). 

On our daily phone call, my sister and I have been stressing to them the need to use hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes everywhere.  At this point we need to trust that they will do their best to keep my parents safe.

Living far from my parents for the past 36 years I had to learn to come to terms with many things.  There is not a lot I can do being far away, other than helping them financially.  Time doesn’t stop for anyone, they are getting older and will eventually part.  Every time I visit them it could be the last.  So I do all I can from here and every time I am there I make the most of it.  No regrets.

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Apartment Renovation:  Don’t ask!  Just kidding, you can ask, but you just reminded me that my renovation is unfinished.  Not that I don’t see it every day. I have just been avoiding thinking about it.

The painting is done.  So are, the light fixtures, some removed and some hung up.  The flooring is another story. 

At this moment my sister’s bedroom has the new floor but the shoe moldings hasn’t been finished.  A friend who is a painter was doing the floor for me.  He said he knew how to do floors and he had done a few before.  Clearly he didn’t know anything about padding. 

When I mentioned wanting to keep the same padding that was under the carpeting that was removed he didn’t fight me on it.  Clearly it was the wrong call. When you step on the floor it moves.  He wanted to redo it right away, but I didn’t have the mental energy for it.  I got so frustrated that I halted everything.  

The picture below is my sister’s room.  Because the moldings weren’t finished the planks are moving, so the gaps are starting to show and become wider.

My sister’s room

My bedroom has only padding on the floor, as you can see on the picture below.  Even though my carpet wasn’t that bad I went ahead and removed it, thinking that the floor was going to be installed right away.   

All the flooring and the padding material are now hidden under my bed waiting until my mind is clear so I can choose what to do next.  I put some rugs down for now.

Please note that my friend was not doing me a favor, I probably paid him more than the going rate for the job. I don’t blame him.  I blame myself.

My bedroom

“The true genius shudders at incompleteness — imperfection — and usually prefers silence to saying the something which is not everything that should be said.”― Edgar Allan Poe

Thank you for asking David! You probably didn’t intend on getting such a long answer.  Be careful what you ask for/about! 🙂 ♥♥

Be blessed and safe everyone!

This, That and Other

15 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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OVEREATING
On Wednesday night, my sister, a couple of friends and I went to Fuji Mountain, a hibachi restaurant in Larchmont, NY. We were there celebrating one of my friends birthday. It was a lot fun and the food was great. The best part is that she was so happy with being taken out for her birthday. I love making people happy.

Unfortunately I ate all of the dinner that was put in front of me plus dessert. At the moment I didn’t think; I just ate. Later I hated myself for overeating. It is becoming a pattern. I have to change that immediately.

“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw, Man and the Superman

WORLD CUP
World Cup is here and I am so excited! I don’t care what teams are playing I will be watching. I have 2 screens at work. One is always showing a game and on the other one is work.

I love the passion and energy of the games. Of course I am hoping Brazil wins. We are the favorite but memories of the fiasco of the last time is not far from memory. I am not one to dismiss any opponent. Everyone is a threat. Everyone is deserving.

Unfortunately I will miss Brazil’s first game on Sunday as I will be helping a friend with her dance recital. She needs the help of volunteers to get the show done so I will not cancel on her. Hopefully there will be many more to watch. I will record it but it will be impossible not to know the result before I get home to watch it.

Let the best teams win. The ones with more heart, more passion, more hunger.

“I am not a perfectionist, but I like to feel that things are done well. More important than that, I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to learning, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age.” – Cristiano Ronaldo

DATING
Things are fairly quiet as I haven’t spent much time on the dating sites. There is one guy, M, that I will be having dinner on Saturday night. He works in Management of some big University. I am not sure where we will be meeting yet.

I was somewhat excited about him until I got a message from G. His messages are just amazing. A combination of smarts, funny and sexy. He seems honest, serious, down to earth, etc. Yes I am getting all of that from a few emails 🙂

He asked me out Saturday during the day to go to this huge flea market 40 minutes away from me. I said no. I probably would have gone just for a change, even though I normally never travel for a first date. I am willing to change my mind on that and be flexible on a case to case basis.

I had already said yes to M. and I don’t like canceling on people just because I got another invitation.

The excitement normally turns to fear.  What if we like each other? Even before meeting G. I am already looking for reasons why this cannot work. We live too far, he likes camping, I like comfortable hotels, I love sports, he could take or leave it, etc.

I am reminding myself to breath, be in the moment and just go with the flow.

“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.” – C.S. Lewis

“We are all one” Mural in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

18 Thursday Aug 2016

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How cool is this mural?

The artist, Eduardo Kobra, is a Brazilian street artist with enormous talent.  In Rio de Janeiro, to celebrate the Olympics, he painted an area of almost 3,000 square feet.  Corresponding with the idea of the Olympic rings he painted 5 faces representing the native people of each of the five inhabited continents.  Amazing talent!

Take a look at his website to see more of his work all over the world:  http://eduardokobra.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kobrastreetart/?hl=en

Brazilian fans: Is it passion or bad manners?

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Rio 2016

Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person. – Albert Einstein

These days I have been busy watching the Olympics.  I watch everything and anything I can. Any sport, any team, any country, I don’t care.  I love seeing the passion, the love, the attitude.  I love the patriotism. I love seeing the triumph of the underdog with resilience and heart.  Even when the body says no, the heart says yes and keeps going.

Of course another reason to watch is that it is happening in Brazil.  Part of my heart is there.  Anytime they show the fans, they show the people, I see me, I see my people.

Like everyone else I was not convinced we would be able to pull it off.  With the threat of the Zika virus, the political climate of Brazil, unfinished buildings, the crime rate, the polluted water, terrorist threats, it all look really iffy for awhile.  But here we are with the games in full swing.

“Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.”- Steve Maraboli

I was very happy with the Opening Ceremony.  Of course there were a lot things that could have been done better, but when I compare it with the opening of the World cup this was a masterpiece.

All is not perfect though, there are reports of many athletes being robbed while walking around and that is embarrassing for us, even though having 0 crimes in Rio is totally unrealistic.

As far as Brazil’s performance in and out of the field that is up for debate.  A lot has been said about the noise of the fans.  They watch and root for every sport as if they are watching futebol (soccer).  I can see how that can annoy a lot people, other fans and specially some of the players.  There is a lot talk about teaching Brazilians the correct decorum for every sport.  Well, good luck with that.  We wear our hearts on our sleeves, we are passionate about our players, and even other players.  Even if we don’t have a horse in the race we will pick the underdog and root for him/her as if they are family.  I can see beauty in that.

But some go too far and should learn to use a little restraint at times.  We could show our passion and roos for our favorites without booing the opponent.  Seeing fans booing and cursing players is distasteful and disgraceful, but I can’t help to think that at that moment Brazilians are letting out their frustrations for all that is going wrong in Brazil.  Still we should aim it at the right targets.

No matter who the opponent is, he is there with similar goals, to represent himself and his country the best he can.  He/She is there with the same passion and motivation and deserving of the same respect.  At the end of the day may the best person win, the one with the most heart and resilience, the one that never gives up.

I love that our first Gold Medal was won by Rafaela Silva, a woman that came out of slums.  She is from the favela Cidade de Deus (City of God slums).  She benefited from a social project called Reaçao (Reaction) started by a Judo player name Flavio Canto.  He wanted to introduce poor kids to sports as a way to get them off the streets early on.  Her victory shows the benefits of such projects.  That was a victory for the real Brazil, the poor hard worker, the one that gives their blood, sweat and tears every single day of their lives and have little to show for it.

The successful person makes a habit of doing what the failing person doesn’t like to do. – Thomas Edison

I was going to now write about passion and commitment, about envying the passion these athletes feel and how they dedicate and commit to this one goal above all things. I was going to talk about my need to find my passion in life and my lack of commitment to things lately.

Then the phone rings and it is my gynecologist.  I know it is not good news as they never call after a Pap Smear unless it is bad news.  My test results were abnormal and she wants me to come back tomorrow for a Coloscopy.  It is a simple procedure to further explore the cervix and collect a sample for a biopsy.

Chances are it is nothing, but the idea of the possibility of cancer changes everything.  My emotions get the best of me.  I see life flashing before my eyes.  I think of so much living I still have to do.

Yes I am being a tad dramatic, this is probably nothing! But I will use it to fuel my love for living and my idea of, until I find my passion in life, to be passionate about everything.

So smile more, dance more, laugh more, reach out to friends and family, go out and do that scares and excites you, feel alive! Be grateful for every new morning and for every breath!

So to quote my favorite movie “Shawshank Redemption”:  “Get busy living or get busy dying”!

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” – Masaru Emoto

 

 

With peaceful and hopeful thoughts I go home again

15 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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A quick hello/update before I get on my flight to Brazil tonight.

At work, things were under control until the auditors decided to start asking questions again.  They have this uncanny ability to know exactly when I am going on vacation to send me away stressed.  This has been a good exercise in setting priorities at work.

***

The doctor that I had dated (April 2nd post) started sending me flirty texts this week. Even though I wanted to discuss our relationship, or lack thereof, in person I went ahead and took that opportunity to establish that we are friends and that is it.

He seemed surprised (it is really hard to tell on text), but agreed.  I was immediately happier for having things clarified.  I don’t like murky waters.  I like to know where I stand and want others to know where they stand with my.  I am always striving for more clarity and less miscommunication.

***

On Saturday I went dancing with this young guy (36).  I didn’t really consider it a date because of the age difference.  I had a great time.  I only didn’t care for how he wanted to turn a sweet kiss goodnight into endless kisses.  I hate to have to say stop/no more than once.

Still he was a sweet guy and perhaps I will see him again.

***
My suitcases are packed all is missing are the bagels.  I have to take at least a dozen bagels every time I go to Brazil.

I am trying not to pack: anxiety, control-freakiness, work issues, expectations, and assumptions.

I am trying to pack: patience, hope, believe that everything is the way it is supposed to be.

My mother’s illness, which the doctors are having a hard time deciphering, is making everything difficult.  She has been getting extremely dizzy and tired.  She is also more irritable, short of patience, with the smallest of things setting her off.  It is a difficult and delicate situation.

Hopefully she will be able to return with me as she does every time I go there.  I leaving it all in God’s hands.  He knows best! I am just praying for guidance.

***
Wishing you all much light and blessings this weekend and the week ahead.  May many doors open to what is right in your life!

Be here now and forget the rest!

08 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” -Anais Nin

This was another “feeling weird” week.  Perhaps it is PMS or the phase of the moon, or perhaps it is just the aftershocks of turning 50.  Whatever it is I need to escape this feeling, this rut.

Speaking of escape I am leaving for Brazil next week.  Going to see my family always fills me with mixed feelings and anxiety.  It can be the best time ever, but always there is some underlining stupid issue that becomes some drama. This time I am making a point of making it the best trip ever.  I am not going to let anything and/or anyone mess up my trip.  It is not the situation; it is how I let it affect me and how I react to it.  This time I am not letting anything affect me…well  I promise to try.

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” – Epictetus

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“Change comes from confrontation. You have to be confronted or confront yourself.” – Bryant McGill

This week I had a disagreement with the workers at a Cuban restaurant near my job.  I was buying food for a homeless man and wanted them to give me more rice.  They insisted there was plenty of rice in the container and that I would have to buy another container just for rice for $5.00.  I said I had no problem in paying extra but wanted the extra rice in the same container, as well as the broccoli, which they also insisted on putting in another container (there was plenty of room in the same container).  The manager comes over and tells me those are the rules.  I am thinking to myself: is this really happening?  I am willing to pay whatever he wants to charge, I just want everything in the same container.  Does anyone here have common sense? I am saving them money, by not wasting separate containers.  Plus what happened to “the customer is always right”? I had even explained to them that I didn’t want to hand the man 3 containers and thought it would be easier for him to have it all in one. They couldn’t care less what my reasons were.

At that point I had a decision to make. A) I could continue insisting and making more of a scene, B)I could leave the restaurant and go someplace else or  C) I could get the food as is and move on.  I chose C.  I got the plate as is, no extra rice, with the broccoli on the side.  Sometimes one has to forget about feelings and principals and look at the bottom line.  The bottom line was I wanted to buy someone a hot meal on a cold rainy day.  Being right or getting my way was secondary and meaningless.

When I get to the cashier, the girl, who had been watching this whole interaction says to me:  I can put the broccoli in the same container if you want, that is simple. What? Now? After all this? I said: no, thank you, I just want to get out of here.

I think they now think I am this demanding customer, when I am totally the opposite.  Or am I?  And really, what do I care what people think of me?  What is important is that the man had this huge smile on his face when I returned with his food. (I had asked him first if I could buy him lunch, so he had been waiting for it).

“Welcome the present moment as if you had invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy.” – Pema Chodron

*********

I started using Instagram.  I decided it would be a nice thing to go along with my blog, since for some reason sometimes I cannot add photos to my posts.   I just didn’t realize how much I would enjoy it.

I am the type of person that is always on auto-pilot. I go from one thing to the next without paying attention.  I get things done, I focus on results and often I forget how I got there.  I miss the details and the beauty in them. Instagram is changing that.

Instagram makes me pay attention to details.  I am paying attention to everything.  I see things I have never seen before.  Now I stop and see the flowers.

I used to think that people that took pictures of everything missed the moment.  Now I am one of them and I can tell you I am not missing the moment, I am focusing on the moment.  I am seeing and seizing the moment.

Wishing you all a blessed weekend!  Stop and smell the flowers.  Look around and discover all the hidden treasures!

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau

Dealing with illness and fears

16 Thursday Apr 2015

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“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My mother and I have been back from Brazil for several days now.  My main focus, besides work, has been trying to get her mentally and physically healthier.

Approximately 3 weeks ago she went to a neuropsychiatrist after many years of my sister and I begging her to see someone regarding some baggage that she carries since she was a child.  Lately she had been extremely angry and short-tempered and realized on her own that she needed to do something about it.

She saw the doctor and they spoke for about an hour.  She came home happy and felt light after discussing things from her past.  Unfortunately when she woke up the next morning she was slurring her words and had trouble walking.  She was in a drunk-like state (My mother quit drinking when she was 25 years old because she realized it was going to become a problem, so we know she wasn’t drunk.  On May 1st she will be 80 years old)

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.” ― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

She refused to go to the emergency room or call the doctor, attributing the symptoms to the deep conversation they had the day before.  It is hard not to think that the 2 things are not related.  My brother is a nurse and he didn’t think she was suffering a stroke or something similar.  I need to note here that my brother will never go against my mother’s and father’s wish, even in a situation like this where my first instinct would be to take her to the emergency room.  I try to keep my interference to a minimum only trying to provide positive feedback and financial support.  I try not to be critical of my sister and brother.  I realize how easy it is for me to have all the right answers when I am so far away.  I am also extremely grateful of how much they do for my parents and the love and respect they give my parents.

Last week in Brazil all I did was cook and clean and make sure she was resting.  She had 2 different brain scans done last week.  The last scan showed: Signs of microangiopathy.  Some signs of thinning of the white matter were also observed (inferring ischemic leukoaraiosis).  That is all Greek to me and all my Google research has left my head spinning.  At any rate her doctor gave his okay for her to travel as long as she takes the medication prescribed (He said he doesn’t believe in canceling vacation because of illness and also thought a change in scenery would be good for her). He says her issues are due to age and also to diabetes and high blood pressure.  As soon as she returns she is scheduled for additional tests.

“Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free.”
― Shannon L. Alder

She was fine in the flight from Sao Paulo to New York, so I am hoping that means that she will also be fine in the flight from NY to Tel Aviv this Saturday, as the trip is still on schedule.  She is excited about it, but I am making sure that she knows that is also okay if she thinks it is too much for her.

My mother has always been a dynamo never sitting or slowing down throughout the day.  The amount of things she accomplishes in one day is incredible.  While I am proud to have such an energetic mother I also knew that that would be her down fall.  That makes watching her slowing down now much harder.

I am not allowing her to do anything on her own as I fear she could fall and hurt herself (on our first day in NY she fell in the tub, I took that as a warning).  She has had good days and bad days.  Today is a not so great day as she seems slower than usual.  It is hard to be at work and leave her at home alone but I also realize that I cannot make her feel like an invalid all of a sudden.

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

She has started taking vitamins, eating more, healthier, and at regular intervals (her diet before was coffee, bread and more coffee).  She has been taking daily naps and doing no housework at all.  She is still doing her crafts (knitting, crocheting, and painting), also reading and some easy exercises.

I am hoping that this is just a warning sign for her to take it easy, relax and take better care of herself. Actually it is a warning sign for the entire family as we are all guilty of overdoing at the dessert table.  I am hoping that as the medication starts to work and combined with the new lifestyle and diet she will soon be brand new.

I know it is all in God’s hands and I am just trying to follow his guidance and respect his plan, but the idea of ever losing my mother has been unbelievably hard to deal with.  I am trying to ward off those thoughts that continue to invade my mind and steal my peace.

I thank you all for your support and prayers! You are a source of comfort and for that I feel blessed and I am extremely grateful!!

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Learning acceptance kicking and screaming!

04 Saturday Apr 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I am right now sitting at terminal 38 at JFK airport waiting to board a flight to Brazil. This post will be extremely short as it is a major pain to type on a tiny tablet.
Arghhhh I am about to start pulling my hair out…oops, just realized I am sounding and acting like a spoiled teenager – ugly!!!!!!!
Summarizing:
• going to Brazil to visit family and get my Mom
• Mom has been sick so we hope the doctor clears her to travel.
• We are supposed to come back from Brazil in one week, spend 5 days in NY then travel to Israel
• All is in the air now depending on tests and test results.

The last few days/weeks have been very challenging:
• Buying a larger apartment
• Finding a tenant for smaller apartment
• booking the trip to Brazil and to Israel for mom and I
• having a birthday. Tuning 49 is no picnic. There was this sense of finality, finity and finitude (are these all the same? I just want to make sure you get my feeling that life is almost over!
• severing ties with a friend (will write about it as it is painful and I still working on this pain and other feelings.
•but worst of it all was my mom getting ill!! There is this sense of powerlessness, lack of control over anything. Being far doesn’t help!

This is another chance to practice acceptance. Another great chance to show how much I believe in God and the Universe.
I am in control of nothing, absolutely nothing. The moment I understand and acceptance this one fact is the moment fear and worry release its grip on me.
Another chance to work on my feelings, reactions and over-reactions.
Another chance to show gratitude for all the blessings already received.

As long as I do 100% as a daughter, as a human being, as long as I honor and respect people and nature, as long as I have a grateful heart I am will be okay no matter what.
My prayer continues to be for guidance, acceptance and strength!
Dear God, don’t give me what I want, give me what I need and the tools to deal with it!

A wonderful Easter to All! Thank you for being there – that knowledge alone comforts me!