Dating, honesty, life lessons, missteps, mistakes, relationships, too impatient, too impulsive, upfront
“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absentminded. Someone sober will worry about things going badly. Let the lover be. ” ― Rumi, The Essential Rumi
So this is about the third date with AS. I normally don’t get excited enough about anyone to go on a second date let alone a third date, so this is really a major deal. I am trying to reign in my excitement and not get ahead of myself.
For this third date we decided to meet to play ping-pong as I told him I could probably beat him. Before the date he called me to see if I wanted to have dinner first. So we met at the same Vegetarian restaurant from the first date (I am missing burgers already 😦 This time I didn’t quite care for my meal but the conversation continued to be great and flow easily.
My first misstep: I told him that I liked him and was excited to have met him. Why be so honest and upfront? He said he felt the same way. But what was he going to say? why do I have this need to lay all my card on the table so soon?
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi
After dinner we went to shoot pool (as the place no longer had ping pong tables). I lost! No news there as I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to pool.
After we were done playing he drove me to my apartment building and walked me to my lobby. In that few seconds where he would give me a quick peck on the lips I turn to him and said: What now? Want to come up? His answer was sure, or something like that. Misstep # 2: I invited him to my apartment. I don’t know why I did it, it was totally impulsive. I knew there would be no sex and there would be no chance that he would be anything less than a gentleman. But still why did I have to? I am guessing I wanted to get a real kiss. To me it is all about the kiss, and even though a light peck on the lips was sweet and good, I craved more.
I offered him some coffee, tea or juice but he settled on water. Then I showed him my apartment which he said was great. He kissed me while I was showing him around. There were sparks!!
“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames” ― Rumi
We sat on the couch and discussed some of the books I had on my bookshelf. Then we kissed some more. Things got hot and heavy – I take full blame for lighting the flames. There was no sex as we have already discussed how we think that sex should special and have meaning and not be just this lustful urge. I think that we both forgot about all that for a minute but we were able to recover before things got too far. Misstep # 3: Let things get too hot, actually causing things to get too hot.
“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” ― Rumi
I am a bit mad with myself. Why couldn’t I just let him take charge and steer this relationship? I doubt things would get as hot as it did. It is all good as I mentioned no sex happened, but I just don’t like when I see myself trying to be so controlling and dictating everything. Why do I have this need to be in charge? Now I will never know how things would have unfolded if I had let him drive. I skipped steps.
“Remember. The way you make love is the way God will be with you.” ― Rumi
But that is not the worst part! Misstep # 4: In the middle of a kiss I stop and ask him if he is dating other people. Now, why did I have to do that? He should be dating other people; I should be dating other people. This is only the third date!!
He said: no, are you? I said no. And with that I just shot myself on the foot! Who starts this type of conversation in the middle of kissing? Why do I have to push people for answers, decisions, labels. Why can’t I just let things flow, why can’t I let nature run its course?
Now I forced myself to not date anybody else otherwise I am going to be a liar. I plan on talking to him about that next chance I get. Or perhaps I should leave things alone?
“Not only the thirsty seek the water, the water as well seeks the thirsty.” ― Rumi
I have not seen him since that date (Thursday), he was away at a wedding and returned this morning (Tuesday). He has texted me that he is back and swamped trying to catch up at work. He hasn’t asked me out again yet. I expect he will.
I am trying to control my impatience and impulsiveness – it is a constant struggle! I need to stop trying to take the driver’s seat. I blame my impatience, my hurry, my need to have answers, results, to be in people’s face, my need for reaction from people.
“Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.” ― Rumi
And then I remember that I need to be nice to myself, not only that but I need to be myself. I need to honor the beauty in the type of person I am. I am beautifully flawed, but I am real. So I err on the side of too honest, too curious, too Impulsive, but at the end of the day I am me. I am not acting or playing games. If someone is going to love me, they will have to get used to it sooner or later.
“Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.” ― Rumi