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I should be writing about my visit to Brazil.  It was amazing as it always is, but today I have something else in my heart I want to write about.  Something in my heart that I need to do.

I have been dating, well dating implies it is going somewhere, so perhaps “seeing” is a better word, so I have been seeing a younger man for the past 8 months knowing fully well that it would not be a lasting thing. Yet I embarked on this new experience with all my heart, truth and honesty.

I knew that I was using him to replace Ex and all his memories. Using has a bad connotation, but it is the truth. It worked! I no longer miss Ex. I still have moments of missing what I had, but it is different now. There is no crying now. Ex feels like the past, and even the sadness of what could have been is gone.  It was what it was and for having lived it I am grateful.

Being with someone to replace somebody else sounds like a recipe for disaster. Am I playing with fire going out with someone thinking I wasn’t going to get emotionally attached? no doubt! Not even I believed it when I proclaimed my total control of the situation.  I get emotionally attached to my toothpaste, am I not going to get emotionally attached to someone that is kind, funny and which company I enjoy?

We both agree that this is not a serious thing and that as long as we are honest with each other things will work out. We know we are not for each other.  The age difference is not the whole problem. We are at very different stages in life and looking for different things.  But we enjoy each other’s company.

I knew the day would come when we would go our separate ways.  I am thinking that perhaps today is the day.  The day to resolve things before I get really emotionally attached.  To continue seeing him knowing it is not going anywhere has now begun to feel like a disservice to me and to what I want in my life.  And to him also. And perhaps to all my prospective dates… and his.

The timing is perfect.  I have re-joined e-harmony and have even gone on a couple of dates.  But all of a sudden finding someone it is not important anymore. I am enjoying being alone more and more. There is no hurry anymore.

I like this moment in my life, where I feel in absolute control of my feelings and life has this incredible taste of surprise.  It seems fitting to put an end to a situation that no longer fits seems fitting.

So, good bye AL!.  I am grateful for the time we have spent together.  I am grateful for the part you have played in mending my broken heart.  I am happy that we both agree that just friends is the way to go. It was amazing fun while it lasted.

I am so excited for myself, for getting stronger and stronger and for this life that keeps getting better and better!

 

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