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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: Patience

With peaceful and hopeful thoughts I go home again

15 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Brazil, Dating, going home again, moving on, Patience, stress-free, vacation

A quick hello/update before I get on my flight to Brazil tonight.

At work, things were under control until the auditors decided to start asking questions again.  They have this uncanny ability to know exactly when I am going on vacation to send me away stressed.  This has been a good exercise in setting priorities at work.

***

The doctor that I had dated (April 2nd post) started sending me flirty texts this week. Even though I wanted to discuss our relationship, or lack thereof, in person I went ahead and took that opportunity to establish that we are friends and that is it.

He seemed surprised (it is really hard to tell on text), but agreed.  I was immediately happier for having things clarified.  I don’t like murky waters.  I like to know where I stand and want others to know where they stand with my.  I am always striving for more clarity and less miscommunication.

***

On Saturday I went dancing with this young guy (36).  I didn’t really consider it a date because of the age difference.  I had a great time.  I only didn’t care for how he wanted to turn a sweet kiss goodnight into endless kisses.  I hate to have to say stop/no more than once.

Still he was a sweet guy and perhaps I will see him again.

***
My suitcases are packed all is missing are the bagels.  I have to take at least a dozen bagels every time I go to Brazil.

I am trying not to pack: anxiety, control-freakiness, work issues, expectations, and assumptions.

I am trying to pack: patience, hope, believe that everything is the way it is supposed to be.

My mother’s illness, which the doctors are having a hard time deciphering, is making everything difficult.  She has been getting extremely dizzy and tired.  She is also more irritable, short of patience, with the smallest of things setting her off.  It is a difficult and delicate situation.

Hopefully she will be able to return with me as she does every time I go there.  I leaving it all in God’s hands.  He knows best! I am just praying for guidance.

***
Wishing you all much light and blessings this weekend and the week ahead.  May many doors open to what is right in your life!

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Impatient, grateful, loving and contemplating honesty!

11 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, EX Files

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

casino, friendship, gambling, gratitude, honesty, love, Patience, perspective, truth

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” – ― Aristotle

1:00 pm. Right now I am defrosting my freezer with a hairdryer so that the official GE repairman can return to fix it.   What I really feel like doing is taking an ax to it and chopping it to pieces.

This day has been an exercise in patience… I keep failing all the patience tests that the Universe sends my way.  At this rate I will have to repeat this very same Life-cycle all over again.

I had taken the morning off from work to deal with the fridge, but it turned into a whole day affair.  I know stuff like this happens to teach me patience and the ability to deal with things that are out of my control.  Two other words come to mind:  Perspective and Gratitude.

I didn’t always have a fridge. I remember when my family finally had enough money to buy a fridge.  I was probably about 10 years old.  It was like it was Christmas and we had won the lottery.  Having ice cubes floating in a glass was magical.  It is good to remember that.  It is good to think not of the broken fridge but to remember that I am blessed enough to have a fridge to break in the first place.  Living in the US with all the comforts of the First World it is easy to take it all for granted.  Reminders are blessings!

“A grateful mindset can set you free from the prison of disempowerment and the shackles of misery.” ― Steve Maraboli

Problems need to be put into perspective and in their right place.  This is just a fridge and it is only money.  Okay, it is annoying and frustrating but it is not the end of the world.  Deal with it and move on.

6:00 pm.  Fridge Fixed.  The GE repairman charged $368.00 and changed 3 parts, including the one supposedly already changed.  The original repairman charged me $375.00.  He hasn’t returned my calls and hasn’t stopped by to return my money as he said he would (when the fridge broke again I called him and he said he wanted to come to repair it, I said I wanted my money back instead.  He said no problem, but never followed through on that)

At this point I will probably see him again in Small Claims court.  It is now a matter of principal.

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners” ― Laurence Sterne

***

On another front, I am taking tomorrow off and embarking on a long weekend with Ex’s mother.

For her birthday she wanted to see Bette Midler.  The Divine Miss M. is playing at Mohegan Sun Casino.  Since I have free rooms at Foxwoods Casino (just 15 minutes away from Mohegan Sun) I decided to make a whole weekend out of it.

When I tell people I am still in touch with his mother they frown.  People don’t understand why I didn’t leave the entire past behind.  Here is my thinking: Not having a relationship with him anymore didn’t make me stop caring for her.  I am able to separate things and at this point she realizes there is no turning back so she has quit making allusions to it.

I made a conscious decision long ago not to blame the mother for the sins of the son.  I choose to love freely and not link one person to the other.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

****

Preview – my next post will be a hard one, and perhaps my posting this little blurb about it will force me to actually write it. It will be hard because I will have to admit  to you certain things that I don’t want to admit to myself.  But, once again, what is the point of this blog if not for me to be totally me, honest and raw.  Totally childish, totally needy, totally grateful, totally sinful, totally blissful and totally wrong some times.  At the end of the day I want to own my life.  I want to take ownership of my mistakes, I want to learn from them, but above all I want to be able to make them if that is what I want to do at the moment. You reader are my friend and as such you deserve honesty.  Then you shall have it.

I am not sure if I am looking for acceptance or if I want you to take me by my shoulders and shake me up and make me come back to my senses.

I think I am looking to confront myself and make you the audience.

“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ― Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit

 

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No good deed goes unpunished!

30 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Volunteering

≈ 39 Comments

Tags

disappointment, elder care., frustration, good deed, nursing home, Patience, powerless, volunteer

I am crying, sobbing like a baby…  well it is PMS time so I am bound to cry over something.  This time I am crying out of sadness and anger.  I don’t know if it were not for PMS if I would be this emotional, but right now I feel so misunderstood and unappreciated.

It turns out that my days volunteering at the nursing home are over! Yep, you heard me right, over!  That didn’t last longer.  It took longer to get everything in order to volunteer.

Here is what happened:

I normally go to the nursing home on Monday nights for 2 hours and I just visit the residents.  In the beginning they were not sure what I would be doing, so they had me tag along and visit,  and I  realized that is what I enjoy doing.  I feel I would be the most helpful bringing joy and warmth to some people that seem to be forgotten.

This week I couldn’t go on Monday because I went to the opening night at the US Open tennis, so I wrote an email that I was going Tuesday instead.  I went Tuesday and was very happy when one of the nurses told me how happy and appreciative they were that I was able to go and visit.  I had asked her to let me know if I was interfering with anything.  She said absolutely not, that in fact I am a big help and I should come as often as I can.

That evening J., one of the residents, mentioned needing to talk to me (she has been talking about finding me a boyfriend – lol) but she couldn’t do it at that moment because her roommate was already sleeping.  She made me promised to return the following evening (Wed).

Because of the comments of the nurse I was under the impression that I could show up at any time.  So I returned on Wednesday to see J, and of course, since I was already there, I went on to say hello to some of the others.

As I was leaving 2 hours later, around 8pm, the Head Nurse was at the front lobby desk and with an attitude she started questioning me and asking me if anyone knew I was there.  I said that I was there visiting and I didn’t think that they needed to know when I visited.  After all, visitors are allowed in any time until 10pm.  I mentioned to her that if the problem was that I signed the volunteer book I wouldn’t do that next time.

I was offended and could feel my face burning up and I walked out holding back the tears.  I am a very sensitive creature to begin with and PMS turns me into a cry baby.  My first instinct was to get home and immediately send an email to the Director of Volunteers and quit, but because I am becoming more aware of myself, actions and reactions I decided not to act on impulse.  I also know that the end of the month is her busiest time of the month and decided to respect that and talk to her later.

Well, it turns out that S. spoke to the director and here is the email I received from her:

” I really appreciate your enthusiasm in volunteering and coming in late in the evenings to visit.. However, you really should only volunteer when our staff members are present.  Also, please continue letting me know if you decide to come in  (like you have been doing) on days that you were not originally planning to, so I can let my staff and/or front desk know.. On Monday and Tuesday 2K and 2S, you can volunteer up until 8PM with D., and then for the rest of the week, B. and D. are only there till 7PM. So I guess for the front desk person, it looked a little strange when you showed up after the recreation people were no longer there (even if they were, their work hour would be over by then). It this situation changes,  I will let you know (as I really think we do need evening visitors!)—that is if you can just come in even when the staff members are not here.. But I will just need to clear it with the administration. Hope that’s Ok with you!  Again, thank you so much for everything. Our residents and recreation staff love you!!  My ladies think you are great with the residents!”

Here is my reply: (and I did reply on impulse…oh well…so much for getting to know myself and working on not being so reactive all the time)

“No it is not okay with me.  I didn’t appreciate how S. talked to me yesterday.  That was after being very happy when B. (she dispenses medicine) told me how great it was that I could come and visit on Tuesdays.  I guess I was under the wrong impression that I could show up any time and visit my friends.

I showed up yesterday because I had promised J.  I would. I guess I should have not signed the volunteer book.  My visit was going to be only 15 minutes but I lost track of timing as I decided to say hello to my others resident.

It is very unfortunate that you have to take time out of your busy schedule to deal with this.  So I will just make it easy on everybody and not volunteer anymore.  I thank you and apologize for wasting your time.  But that old saying is really true: “No good deed goes unpunished!”

I hope it will not be a problem for me to still show up as visitor to visit some of the new dear friends I have made.  I would hate for them to think that I just abandoned them!  Let me know if there is anyone I need to speak to in regards to that.  I guess I can just check on the website for the visiting hours.

Again I am sorry you had to waste time for something I did.”

So my plan is to go back to visit my new friends.  I am sure they cannot stop me from doing that.  The residents know me and have huge smiles when they see me.  When I say good bye they always ask me to come again.

I realize that at this moment I feel on my skin the way the residents feel.  They all tell me that they don’t like to be told what to do and when to do it.  Because I always visit in the evenings I witness them having to wait around to be put to bed.  I understand the staff does their best and try to accommodate everyone as quick as they can and with a smile, but still to the resident is a loss of their independence and control over their own lives.  I try to play it off and say how we are all slaves to some sort of clock and rules.  I mention having to wait for things all the time such as a train or an appointment, and having to respect a schedule at work (which I actually don’t but the point is making them feel they are not alone in feeling helpless and out of control at times).

I understand them.  I hate being told what to do, especially in this case when I know I am doing good and only have goodness in my heart.  Their smiles and laughter at the crazy stories I tell them about my life (I tell them about dates and my family and day to day happenings) not only tell me that I am bringing joy, but it warms my heart and brings me joy.

Lucky for me I am not a resident there,  I don’t have to play politics with this nursing home at this point.  I don’t have to obey their rules.  At this point in my life I can just walk away from things I don’t like.

I am not afraid of growing old or dying, I am afraid of becoming dependent on others.

****

As I was about to publish this I get a reply to my reply:

I am sorry this is how you feel. I would not want to lose you as a volunteer. Maybe we can talk on the phone. I spoke with S, and she really did not mean anything bad. She said she was sorry you felt the way you did. She was just doing her job.  We did have bad some experiences with unsupervised evening visitors. We also recently had instances of people just coming in and roaming around..  So we have undertaken extra-precautions.  Our primary concern is residents’ safety. And that is why it is a  the front desk’s person job to make sure they know who people are visiting , where they are going and why.  That is why the volunteer hours are specifically agreed upon by both volunteers and myself,  so that I can tell the night staff that people are coming.. For instance, your first day here, I told everyone that you were coming and to expect you. Of course, mature and responsible volunteers like yourself can probably visit in the evenings on their own, but I, as a director, am responsible for where they are going, and if I am not here, then, it’s other staff members who need to keep track—again, it’s really all done for residents’ safety.  Also, in my experience, you are the first volunteer who wanted to put in extra time—which is wonderful and much appreciated, but unfortunately, it is not common. I have just undertaken the volunteer department last November, so it will take some time for people to get used to  and understand how to treat different volunteers who only want to visit out of goodness of their hearts. But again, in the evenings, we do have to be extra-careful-that is why all we ask to let us know ahead of time.. I would love to talk to you more on the phone to explain, — maybe next week?

What next?  I don’t know! I don’t feel like replying.  I don’t feel like wasting any more time and breath on this.  I just know that all this seems stupid, a waste of people’s time and effort on a problem that shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.  Everyone is so worried about making sure they are “doing their jobs” and covering their ass.  What about reason and common sense?

… perhaps I am extra sensitive now, perhaps in a few days I will have a different view.

to be continued …

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Making mosaic and impatiently learning patience.

11 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

Birthday, Brazilian, faith, hope, Ireland, mosaic, Patience, persistance

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” 
― Leo Tolstoy

After throwing myself that very much needed pity party, I am now in the full “loving to be alive and single” mode.

I have a renewed motivation to get back to learning those things that I always wanted to.  Mosaic is one of those.  Until I win the lottery and I am able to go and apprentice with some famous foreign mosaic maker I am going about it on my own.

These are the last 3 I have made. I actually made 4 recently, but forgot to take a picture of one before I mailed it away. I sent it to Ex’s mother for her birthday. She said she loved it. (yeah we still keep in contact; I decided that I don’t have to stop loving her and talking to her because he is no longer in the picture)

IMG_1091

I made this one for my friend AL that just returned from a vacation in Ireland.  I thought it would be nice for him to put his favorite picture of him and his little girl on his Irish vacation.

I gave it to him as part of his birthday present, along with some books.   I love giving people books that mean something to me.  The lucky guy also got this Brazilian soccer jersey:

I bought it in Brazil on my last trip and hadn’t had a chance to give it to him yet. I decided on blue instead of the traditional yellow because I figure the yellow is for the hardcore fans like myself, plus I think blue is better for his skin tone. 🙂

We went to dinner last night at our local favorite Mexican  restaurant and it was fun.  It had been a couple of months since we had managed to get together.  I gave him his gifts and he was very happy.  It was a fun night catching up.

****

These next two mosaic pieces are of two of my favorite words in the English dictionary:

IMG_1099

The above is better seen from a distance, but if you look at the white only you can clearly (hopefully) see the word hope.

IMG_1094

Working with mosaics has not been easy for me, well anything that requires patience it is not easy for me.  I am the type of person that likes instant gratification.  I love the feeling of accomplishment, of starting something and finishing it.  I like seeing results and soon.  Mosaic requires patience and attention to detail, two things that I think I lack.

I am very happy with my work.  Of course now that they are finished I can see all the ares where I hurried through to just get it done with.  I know that they look very childish and amateurish right now, but I know that with persistence, practice and patience I will be able to make beautiful and professional looking work. And I know that the patience learned here will help in other areas of my life too.

“Our patience will achieve more than our force.” 
― Edmund Burke

I am working on enjoying the process and not only the result.

Be forewarned, if your birthday is coming soon you may end up getting a mosaic frame as a gift. 🙂 I already have some frames planned for every member of my family.

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” 
― Aristotle

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Day 11- Having Patience, Eating, Reading and Sleeping

02 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Bread, goals, Patience, Pilates, reading, sleep

Not much to report, life progresses as normal as it can be under the circumstances.

We continue to work out of a hotel and Con Edison says that it will be still another 4 days until we get the electricity restored.

I am doing my best not to get stressed with all the work that is not getting done, and invoices that are not being sent and therefore payments that will not be coming in.

Trying to see the world through grateful eyes really makes difference, I am taking it all in stride knowing fully well that I am one of the lucky ones.

***

Pilates tonight kicked my booty!  If I could only stop eating all the bread and its relatives Mr. Cakes, Miss Muffin, Mr. Scone, Miss Cookie, etc, that I eat my body would look amazing.  But since I can’t my body is still amazing, just not amazing looking.  Oh well, life is too short for me not to eat what I want!!

***

I decided that I need to come up with a list of goals for each month.  For November it will be to finish the 4 books that I have sitting on my nightstand!

I am the type of person that needs goals and projects. Not having an aim or a deadline make me feels like I am just drifting through life.  Drifting is fun for a little bit but after awhile just leaves me frustrated.

***

I am going to try to sleep before 11 tonight! It has been an exhausting week!

 

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