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Tag Archives: hope

This, That and Other

15 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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OVEREATING
On Wednesday night, my sister, a couple of friends and I went to Fuji Mountain, a hibachi restaurant in Larchmont, NY. We were there celebrating one of my friends birthday. It was a lot fun and the food was great. The best part is that she was so happy with being taken out for her birthday. I love making people happy.

Unfortunately I ate all of the dinner that was put in front of me plus dessert. At the moment I didn’t think; I just ate. Later I hated myself for overeating. It is becoming a pattern. I have to change that immediately.

“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw, Man and the Superman

WORLD CUP
World Cup is here and I am so excited! I don’t care what teams are playing I will be watching. I have 2 screens at work. One is always showing a game and on the other one is work.

I love the passion and energy of the games. Of course I am hoping Brazil wins. We are the favorite but memories of the fiasco of the last time is not far from memory. I am not one to dismiss any opponent. Everyone is a threat. Everyone is deserving.

Unfortunately I will miss Brazil’s first game on Sunday as I will be helping a friend with her dance recital. She needs the help of volunteers to get the show done so I will not cancel on her. Hopefully there will be many more to watch. I will record it but it will be impossible not to know the result before I get home to watch it.

Let the best teams win. The ones with more heart, more passion, more hunger.

“I am not a perfectionist, but I like to feel that things are done well. More important than that, I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to learning, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age.” – Cristiano Ronaldo

DATING
Things are fairly quiet as I haven’t spent much time on the dating sites. There is one guy, M, that I will be having dinner on Saturday night. He works in Management of some big University. I am not sure where we will be meeting yet.

I was somewhat excited about him until I got a message from G. His messages are just amazing. A combination of smarts, funny and sexy. He seems honest, serious, down to earth, etc. Yes I am getting all of that from a few emails 🙂

He asked me out Saturday during the day to go to this huge flea market 40 minutes away from me. I said no. I probably would have gone just for a change, even though I normally never travel for a first date. I am willing to change my mind on that and be flexible on a case to case basis.

I had already said yes to M. and I don’t like canceling on people just because I got another invitation.

The excitement normally turns to fear.  What if we like each other? Even before meeting G. I am already looking for reasons why this cannot work. We live too far, he likes camping, I like comfortable hotels, I love sports, he could take or leave it, etc.

I am reminding myself to breath, be in the moment and just go with the flow.

“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.” – C.S. Lewis

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Making mosaic and impatiently learning patience.

11 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” 
― Leo Tolstoy

After throwing myself that very much needed pity party, I am now in the full “loving to be alive and single” mode.

I have a renewed motivation to get back to learning those things that I always wanted to.  Mosaic is one of those.  Until I win the lottery and I am able to go and apprentice with some famous foreign mosaic maker I am going about it on my own.

These are the last 3 I have made. I actually made 4 recently, but forgot to take a picture of one before I mailed it away. I sent it to Ex’s mother for her birthday. She said she loved it. (yeah we still keep in contact; I decided that I don’t have to stop loving her and talking to her because he is no longer in the picture)

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I made this one for my friend AL that just returned from a vacation in Ireland.  I thought it would be nice for him to put his favorite picture of him and his little girl on his Irish vacation.

I gave it to him as part of his birthday present, along with some books.   I love giving people books that mean something to me.  The lucky guy also got this Brazilian soccer jersey:

I bought it in Brazil on my last trip and hadn’t had a chance to give it to him yet. I decided on blue instead of the traditional yellow because I figure the yellow is for the hardcore fans like myself, plus I think blue is better for his skin tone. 🙂

We went to dinner last night at our local favorite Mexican  restaurant and it was fun.  It had been a couple of months since we had managed to get together.  I gave him his gifts and he was very happy.  It was a fun night catching up.

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These next two mosaic pieces are of two of my favorite words in the English dictionary:

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The above is better seen from a distance, but if you look at the white only you can clearly (hopefully) see the word hope.

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Working with mosaics has not been easy for me, well anything that requires patience it is not easy for me.  I am the type of person that likes instant gratification.  I love the feeling of accomplishment, of starting something and finishing it.  I like seeing results and soon.  Mosaic requires patience and attention to detail, two things that I think I lack.

I am very happy with my work.  Of course now that they are finished I can see all the ares where I hurried through to just get it done with.  I know that they look very childish and amateurish right now, but I know that with persistence, practice and patience I will be able to make beautiful and professional looking work. And I know that the patience learned here will help in other areas of my life too.

“Our patience will achieve more than our force.” 
― Edmund Burke

I am working on enjoying the process and not only the result.

Be forewarned, if your birthday is coming soon you may end up getting a mosaic frame as a gift. 🙂 I already have some frames planned for every member of my family.

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” 
― Aristotle

SMILE! Just smile

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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(Written Dec 14, 2012)

I am such a cry baby today.
I am crying over everything!
I am crying for me, I am crying for the world!

I have been crying over not being called to volunteer this week. I wonder why…

I have been crying over my inability to let a day go by without having some thought related to Ex.

I have been crying for a friend over his pain over his mother’s sudden passing. We haven’t seen each other in years and just have an email relationship, but at this moment I wish I could just hold him tight and say that all will be okay.

I am crying over today’s senseless tragedy (Sandy Hook shooting) How can someone be so evil as to decide to take people’s lives? Not to mention children’s lives!

Why? Why is the biggest question. Could it be prevented? that is another often asked question.  I guess anything can be prevented.  Are we trying to find someone to blame, other than the shooter himself?  I think we are trying to make sense of something so senseless.   It is impossible to make sense of this senseless tragedy, so I am not even going to try.

Just now I hear from my friend/date AL  that his best friend, who is just barely 30 years old was rushed to the hospital with stomach pains.  After an emergency surgery he was told he has stomach and lung cancer and things don’t look.  He has 2 little boys, a 2 and 4 year old! What can I tell AL that will make him feel better about his friend’s situation.

I feel powerless and at a loss.  I don’t know the right words to use.   I want to tell all the victims, relatives, friends, all,  to be strong and positive!  But how dare I? There is no experience in my life that even comes close to losing a loved one.  I haven’t been in their shoes! It is very easy for me to be positive!

I offer what I can:  prayers and positives thoughts.  I dare and say, be positive!  I mention God and faith.   I offer to help, and I say I am here for them.

Just so much sadness just around Christmas time when our biggest worry should be what gift to buy to someone.

I am just wishing everyone a better tomorrow! I am just wishing everyone hope for a better tomorrow!

All happens for a reason, even tragedies and miseries – I have to believe that! What is the alternative? To believe in a Godless world?  No, not me! I am going to continue to say that life is beautiful and that God is merciful!

I am choosing to believe that everyone that lost their lives in this tragedies had accomplished their mission here.  Somebody may be gone from this world, their physical presence no longer here, but their memories, their spirits, will always shine inside and upon those fortunate enough to have known them.  I am picturing all the kids as happy smiling angels!

I just hope that we can all, at this moment, decide to care a little more about each other, about our neighbors, about strangers that we cross paths with every day. Let’s dare be intrusive and ask someone if they are okay when we sense something is wrong. Let’s not waste a single chance to offer our friendship, a kind word or just a smile.

Sometimes I think just a warm friendly smile at the right moment can prevent a tragedy. I am that naive! I smile at strangers in the train, on the street, anywhere and I normally get a smile back, sometimes a shy one, sometimes a big one, but a smile is a smile and I will take it any way I can get.

I think that Charles Chaplin said it best, here in the voice of Nat King Cole

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying.
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

Day 12: No New York City marathon on Sunday :(

03 Saturday Nov 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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Slowly things have been getting back to some kind of normal (for some of us). Still no power in our offices but hopefully by Monday Con Edison will come through.

The New York City Marathon has been canceled, not postponed, CANCELED! I am a little sad over it!

I am sad because the Marathon is part of the New York City history and also for all the athletes that eagerly waited and trained for it and have come from all over the world.

There was so much controversy over it, that I do understand Mayor Bloomberg making this decision. Some boroughs, specially Staten Island were complaining that resources and personnel that is needed for the hurricane relief was going to be used for the race, even after the mayor making assurances to the opposite.

I have electricity and my apartment has not been destroyed by the hurricane so I am in no position to judge, and that is not my intention. I understand both sides of the argument for or against the race.

I hope that Staten Island and all other boroughs and towns get the much needed help they need.

One more step towards freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

11 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am happy because I choose to be happy.  It is a daily choice! Sometimes is a daily struggle.

Today is a struggle!

Since moving out of Ex’s house he has been calling, e-mailing and texting, mostly to say hello or something trivial,  but sometimes also adding that he is thinking of me, missing me and loving me.

Do I believe that? No! If he loved me I would still be there.

I have been trying to remain friendly as I do not believe in harboring resentments and being angry and enemies with anybody. But it is not working.

Every time he gets in touch it hurts me, it is a constant reminder that I still have feelings for him.  It reminds me that I still don’t know the reason why it ended.

Also at least once a week he used to invite me to dinner.  I have asked him to stop inviting me to dinner, which he obliged.

I have not asked him to stop getting in touch with me because we have one financial deal that will end in July and I didn’t want to make waves until then.

That was until now!  I cannot take it anymore.

I don’t care if I lose money anymore! I want my sanity! Just 5 minutes ago I called him and asked him to stop contacting me and only get in touch in July.

This afternoon he had sent me a picture of him wearing a shirt that we got on our vacation in Thailand saying he was thinking of me.  I completely fell apart.  He also mentioned looking at our skiing trip’s pictures.  I remember those trips,and many others,  the happiness, and how we seemed so perfect together.

I asked him to stop playing with my heart, stop playing games, stop getting in touch with me.  It infuriates me that he seemed shocked by my reaction, he seemed hurt and confused by my wanting to forget him.

It kills that he thinks that is perfectly normal to be dating someone (he confirmed he is dating someone, not the same person that he was dating at the time we broke up, he already moved on from that one or perhaps she wised up quickly) and still be calling me and saying he loves and misses me.  How can he not see how much that hurts me?

How can he think that that is normal? It is amazing his ability to make me feel like I am the one that is not being reasonable.

For the record he has maintained that we cannot be together because he has to concentrate on all his businesses and volunteer work and cannot be the boyfriend/partner I need him to be.  He says some of his businesses are in jeopardy and he cannot protect me. Bunch of bs as far as I am concerned. Disingenuous at best.

So I was lying in bed crying and realized that that was not helpful so now I am sitting and crying- lol

I cannot wait for the day that I will look back and laugh at all this!

I am trying to look at the good side, I am trying to find the good side. I am happy I took a stand and right now don’t care if I ever hear from him again (I so want to believe those words!). I guess deep down inside perhaps I still had hopes. I never thought I would say this, but, sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing!