age difference, Dating, honesty, insecurity, lies, white lies
“When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.” – ― Yevgeny Yevtushenko
The last few days I have been wrestling with that question: When is a lie a lie?
To me there is really no gray area. If someone withholds the truth then he/she is lying. Not only it is a lie, but it is also an enormous lack of respect. Does the person think I am not deserving of the truth? Or perhaps he/she thinks I cannot handle the truth?
But upon further thinking, I have fudged the truth in the past to protect the innocent or not to worry someone needlessly, such as when my mother asks me if everything is fine and even though all is not well I tell her it is because I know she will go insane with worry.
But when even before getting to know someone the person hides the truth makes me feel weird. It seems we are starting with a lie. What else is he hiding? Let me explain:
I went on a date with someone on Friday night. His age on his profile was listed at 51. In reality he is turning 62 in 2 months.
We hadn’t spoken on the phone before meeting but we had exchanged many emails so I feel he had plenty of chance to come clean and he didn’t. He could have told me when we first met, again he did not. He only told me when I asked. I am not even sure why I asked, because he doesn’t look that age.
“One lie has the power to tarnish a thousand truths.” ― Al David
Many people shave a few years off of their age in their profiles. Some say they do that because they look and feel younger for their age. Others say they put in the wrong date originally and then they cannot change it. Whatever the excuse maybe, to me it is just that, an excuse.
With all that being said I am going to dinner with him again tonight!
I would normally dismiss him for that reason alone but I am trying to be more open-minded and not too judgmental of people. I also think that people deserve a second changed, so I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I would hate for somebody to dismiss me for some stupid reason and not give me a second chance.
Also I had a great time on the date. He was a gentleman and it felt like I was having dinner with an old friend.
But, there is always a “but”, can I get over the fact that he hid that little detail from me. At this point I question if he is hiding anything else. Can I ever trust him?
Am I making a big deal of it and trying, again, to sabotage a potential relationship.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – ― Friedrich Nietzsche
Now the other, and perhaps, more important question is, am I going to be okay with the age difference? I am going to be 48 at the end of the month but I do look much younger. I usually say that I am 47, look like I am 37, act like I am 27 and feel like 17.
But really, is age just a number?
Can I handle the age difference? He doesn’t look or act like he is older than me. The funny thing is that the last person I briefly dated, actually dated is not the right word, we went out several times but decided that being friends was a better idea, well he is 32.
It is just funny to go from 32 to 62 – wow, it sounds ridiculous even to me!!! I need to find someone my own age!!
Also one think I crave in a man is confidence! Lying about age sounds like insecurity. Perhaps I find more acceptable for a woman to lie about her age than for men to do it.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”- ― Lucille Ball