Tag Archives: first date

Introducing Mr. Sweet

03 Monday Oct 2022

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“We must pursue what’s in front of us, not what we can’t have or what we have lost. We must grasp what we can reach and hold on, fast.” ― Maggie O’Farrell, This Must Be the Place

We met 13 days ago.  We are both amazed how it feels more like 13 months or years.  I have been hesitating about him. It feels so strong and yet it feels so fragile… if that makes any sense.

Something about safeguarding it and not letting the sunlight, the outside in, and spoil all the possibilities. For the bakers out there, do you know when you have a beautiful risen cake in the oven and you open the oven door too early and the cold air makes the beautiful cake collapses?  That is what I am trying to prevent from happening it here. 

I guess I don’t want to jinx it.  But why am I being all superstitious about it?  It is what it is.  Will be what will be. 

Here we go:

Mr. Sweet will be 57 years old next month (making him only 5 months older than I am).  He looks very young for his age.  I think I look young too, so that is a match.  He is shorter than I would like, but I realize that I can’t have it all 😉 

At the moment he is doing something with insurance, I am not sure all the details. He mentioned that he is financially secure – that is important to me – I don’t want to support a man.  The divorce is not final, but it is in the works.  Will save more details for later.

First Date: September 21 at Modern Restaurant.  As I walked in, he left the bar and came to meet me at door.  This little detail meant the world to me.  So many times I have to walk to the bar and wonder who is my date.  I have walked up to the wrong person in the past.

He had a huge smile on his face.  We were seated immediately.  We shared a Caesar salad and a pizza.  I had a glass of prosecco. He had beer.  We only stopped talking and left the restaurant because we were the only table left and we felt we had to leave.

He walked me to my building.  I hugged him good bye.  There was no kiss, but I wouldn’t have minded if had kissed me.

“In the arts, as in life, everything is possible provided it is based on love.” ― Marc Chagall

Date Two: September 23 at Town House Restaurant. It is a new restaurant in New Rochelle that I was looking forward to trying.  This time he took the train from NYC.  I met him at the station and we walked to the restaurant.

We shared the duck and the burger and a green bean appetizer.  For dessert we shared the flan and a chocolate cremeaux.  I had a cosmo, as they didn’t have passion fruit, and all other cocktails on the menu were weird… there was even a mushroom cocktail. He had a guava infused mezcal drink.

Everything was delicious about this evening.  He walked me to my door and we kissed good bye.  The kiss had my favorite flavor: promise and possibilities.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Date three: September 28. Wooden Spoon Restaurant. I wish I could erase that hour on that restaurant from my mind.  As I was biting into the burger, I found the cheese oddly stringy.  Then on the second bite I realized: it was a hair.  I am still grossed out about that.  Needless to say I lost my appetite.  He offered to take me some other place, but I couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything else at that point.

We walked around the neighborhood, and then I invited him to my apartment.  I was getting hungry, but didn’t want to go anywhere. My sister had given me magic bars that afternoon so I was looking forward to that.

We had magic bars, listened to music and talked, talked, talked.  Believe it or not, this guy talks more than I do.  There is never any awkward silent with us.

First time in a long time that I have a guy over at my apartment.  I had no qualms about inviting him in.  I felt like I am inviting an old friend.

The highlight of the evening: He brought me chocolates from Jacques Torres.  He made a point of bringing me some with coconut and some with coffee as those are my favorites. 

and the sweetest kisses with the softest lips…

“Choose Love, Love! Without the sweet life of
Love, living is a burden—as you have seen.”
― Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love

Date Four: September 30 at Alvin and Friends.  It is a always reliable restaurant.  We shared the empanadas as appetizer and for the entrée we had the ribs, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, cole slaw.  For dessert we shared the coconut cheesecake. I had a prosecco cocktail and he had a minty mule.

We left the restaurant and stopped by my sister’s apartment to give her some left overs.  He met my sister briefly.  She called me after to ask his age.  He does look young. 

Again he came into my apartment, stayed awhile, then called an Uber and went home.  I love that there is no pressure for anything.

He brought me 2 kinds of bread, and a chocolate caramel tart. He knows I love breads and chocolate.  Perhaps I should have told him I love jewelry. lol

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Date Five: I guess after 5 I will stop counting them.  Monday, October 3rd, tonight.   I said I was going to cook, but I immediately regretted it as it is a busy day at work, and I would feel stressed about it.  I told him, and he said it was okay.  So instead of a dinner date, it will be an after dinner date.

Gosh, now I am panicking because I should have drinks and dessert in the house.  Oh well. 

We both have a lot going on this month and we won’t be able to see each other for awhile.  That is why we are sneaking this date tonight.  

Please don’t worry, I am not blinded by all the sweetness and thoughtfulness, but I am totally bathing myself in it.  

I can’t wait to see what happens next… as if this is a movie that I am watching, and I am not the main character.  The possibilities are infinite, and I am so ready for all of them.

got run, work to finish, run home, shower and beautify myself 🙂

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather have more than somebody lovin’ me.” ― Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

Two dates and a dog

20 Tuesday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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On Sunday I had two dates.

I normally wouldn’t drive out of my way to go on a coffee date, but the meeting place was Barnes & Noble in White Plains, NY.  I love book stores.  This guy and I had been exchanging hellos for awhile and I wanted to see if there was anything there.

We agreed to meet at 10am.  I went earlier to browse the shelves, but they only open at 10am :-(.  Even though there was a Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble we decided to walk across the street to Hastings Tea & Coffee and sit outside.

He is a 65 year old doctor. He still works. He has some kind of rotation that has him working for 24 hours once every two weeks. I would love that schedule.

He looked, dressed and acted younger than his age.  I enjoyed meeting him and we talking about a lot different things, including spiritual stuff.  Time flew by.  I realized it was already almost noon and I quickly got up to leave. He was surprised I was leaving.

I am not sure if there will be a second date.  Even though the conversation was great, I am not sure if there is enough there to meet up again.  We shall see.

***

After that date I was supposed to go with a friend to brunch but she canceled last minute. I had brunch at home with my sister and did stuff around the apartment. 

The cute dog above is Mr. W.  I don’t want to disclose his name, but he has an imposing name that starts with W., so use your imagination.

I met my date and Mr. W. at 5:30pm at The Broken Bow Brewery in Tuckahoe, NY.  They were were sitting at a table outside in the back.  Mr W. is the nicest, quietest dog you could ever meet.  My date had a flight of beers, I had nothing.  I didn’t want to drink or eat anything before dinner.

At 6:30pm we left and went to Burrata Restaurant in Eastchester, NY, just a few blocks away. We had a couple of appetizers of eggplant and meatball and we shared a couple of pizza pies, a margherita and a prosciutto.  I had a Cappelletti spritz cocktail, he had red wine. Everything was delicious.

I didn’t have dessert.  A win!  But don’t be so proud, I have been overindulging in sugar at all other times.

Similar to the first date, we had a great time.  It feels like we are old friends. We talk and laugh a lot.  We talk a lot about cool restaurants, vacations, works, etc.  I like picking his brain on technology topics.  

At the end of dinner, I stopped by his car to say bye to Mr. W.  He had stayed in the car while  we were at the restaurant.  The car has dog mode, which I had never heard of before meeting him.  It means that it is climate controlled, and there is the huge sign on the dashboard alerting passersby:

We awkwardly hugged goodbye. As we quickly hugged I think that I subconsciously avoided his lips, so there was this quick brush on the side of my lips.  There was not an ounce of romance vibe during dinner, so I didn’t expect anything.  I am not sure if he is just shy or doesn’t have much interest.  So, I am not even sure if he was trying to kiss me.  

We will see if there is a third date…

***

I have 2 dates this week with 2 new characters 🙂  I decided not to wait for life to slow down to live it up.

“A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it.”
― D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover

 

 

 

 

Playland Park Date

18 Sunday Sep 2022

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Friday evening  I went on a date with a 52 year old IT engineer.  He suggested we meet at Playland, an amusement park in Rye, NY.  I loved the idea of having a different date, other than dinner and drinks.

We met in the parking lot. There was no hug or kiss hello, but it was not awkward either.  The moment we met we just started talking and didn’t stop.

We chose not to go on any rides in the park.  I have been taking motion sickness pills and allergy pills due to vertigo and also sinusitis, so I didn’t want to chance it.  He had been talking a lot about the Dragon Coaster, so I offered to ride it with him anyway, but he declined.



We walked around, talking about the last time we each had been there.  It had been a couple of years for me, but for him was over 10 years. The parks sits in a beautiful area by the water. So it was a beautiful walk in and out of the park.

We talked about a lot different things. We talked about work since he works in a similar industry. We also talked about his dog, travels, etc.

We played water gun games. I won the little pig in the picture below.  I also had Dippin Dots ice cream. Total win!



I discovered that evenings in September are the best time to go to Playland.  The park was almost empty.

We arrived at the park at 6pm.  At 8pm we got into our respective cars and went to downtown Rye to look for a place to have dinner.  We ended up at Meso, a mediterranean restaurant.

We shared skewers of shrimp, chicken and beef for appetizers.  Then he had the salmon, and I had the black sea bass.   To drink I had a cocktail made with vodka, hibiscus, st. germain; and he had a beer. Everything was delicious!

 
He is funny and a bit of a nerd, smart about a multitude of subjects.  I find humor and intelligence very attractive. 

I am not sure about chemistry, but it is worth a second date. And that will happen tomorrow night.  His dog is coming on the date also, but will be staying in the car.  Apparently his dog loves being in the car, and his car has something called dog mode.

He is paying attention.  He chose a restaurant that I mentioned that I like but haven;t been to in years.  See you back here tomorrow to report after the second date 🙂

Audit and Dating, same difference

15 Thursday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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I am sorry friends; it has been two weeks since I last posted.  Blame it on the audit that my firm is going through… combined with laziness and lack of motivation.

It is so easy for me to get off track with anything.  It then takes ages to get back on track.  Right now, exercise has been suffering.  I find that my eating habits and exercise go hand in hand.  If one is off, then the other goes off also.

French lessons on Duolingo have been a thing of the past.  I keep restarting.

I am learning how to allow myself to just be and live without pressure.  No need to be battering myself with negativity.  I get off track, I will just dust myself off and get back on track.  As many times as necessary.

The audit is going much better than I had anticipated.  The auditors have come and gone from our offices.  They were more personable than the prior ones.  

They are gone physically but their requests and questions continue. I found out today that we are not going to be tested on all areas, so that accounts for it being easier than I expected.  Fingers crossed it all continues to go smoothly, and it ends soon.

I am finally realizing that I don’t need to stress myself out… until I need to stress myself out. The pre-worry, the anxiety, the living on tomorrow doesn’t help with anything. Some of what I worry about never come to pass, so it has just been useless worry, wasted energy.

I went on one date last Friday.  He is a 60-year-old Stock trader that I had met a couple of years ago on another app but had never met.  He drove from Brooklyn during rush hour.  So, a 40-minute trip took one hour and half on that Friday evening.

We met at Rye Bar and Grill.  The place was a fun, noisy restaurant with a big bar, and tables in and outdoors.  I met him by the bar, and after some small talk we moved to a table. I had a glass of prosecco and he had a couple of beers.  We shared messy chicken wings for appetizers.  I had burger and fries.  He had a skirt steak.  The food was okay.  Not the best or worst I ever had.  I didn’t have dessert… yes be proud 🙂

We had a great time.  He is a great guy, but again I am not sure about a future.  I didn’t really detect any, so I am not sure about a second date.  We have been testing, so perhaps he is willing to be friends…

There was a point in time that I would go on a date as an excuse to get dressed up and go out.  That is not fun to me anymore.  I need to have the idea that something could happen… a friendship or something more, else.

What I am getting a lot lately is guys wanting to meet for coffee during the day.  Even though sometimes I can, I don’t like to meet during the day on a week day.  I much rather be done with work and relax, than have to hurry there and back. Plus it is much more romantic to meet for drinks at the end of the day,  than to meet for coffee, as a first date.

I have been blocked by 2 guys this week because of that.  Or perhaps there were other reasons.  

Guy 1 – He chose a place in his town, 40 minutes away from me.  I suggested a place closer to me on a weekend. He changed the subject, then blocked me. 

Guy 2 – He asked me out for coffee during the day.  I suggested coffee at the end of the day.  He kept ignoring that and insisting on meeting during the day during the week. Then he complained that I was making things difficult.  Before I had a change to reply he blocked me.

Whatever their reasons were, they have done me a favor by not continuing to waste my energy.

I no longer need to know the why of things.  All I need to do is accept and move on.  All I need to do is be grateful.  Everything that comes to me or moves away from me is a blessing.

I have a date tomorrow. It should be fun. Stay tuned.

I finished another mosaic piece. It is pretty 🙂 Stay tuned.

 

 

OKCupid sucks, Bumbles rocks. Excited over a first date.

20 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

Hi everyone, I am stopping by quickly to say I have a date tonight.  Please send me good vibes. This is not just another date.

I just joined Bumble last week. It is so much better than OKCupid and all the other sites I have been on before.  If I were to rate them, this would be the order:

  1. Bumble
  2. Plenty of Fish
  3. Match
  4. E-Harmony
  5. OKCupid

My rating has to do with the matches I made, and that is probably sheer luck.  They all have their share of fake profiles and take time and energy to search through all the profiles.

I have come across only 1 fake profile in Bumble, and all the guys that I have messaged have been polite and real.  Perhaps it is because it is my first week 🙂

Oh, and guess who was the first person that matched up with me?  The guy from the last date.  I don’t get it why he would try to match with me again.

“It is the possibility that keeps me going, and though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible.” ― Nicholas Sparks

I have 3 dates lined up, but it is the one tonight that has me all giddy.

This doesn’t feel like just another date.  I am excited about it, and I seldom get excited about dates anymore.

I don’t really know why I am this excited.  If I were to describe a reason, there isn’t really one.   We don’t even know much about each other.  Because I don’t have much information, I was not able to do all my Google research.

We have been exchanging messages for a total of 4 days.  And it wasn’t that many messages.  We didn’t even exchange numbers or spoke on the phone.  And that is perfect for me, as I don’t care for speaking on the phone before meeting anyone.

There is just something about the easy flow of the messages.  I didn’t feel pressured to talk on the phone.  I hate to be cliché, but I do feel like I know him for ages.

There wasn’t a single moment since I scheduled the date when I am coming up with reasons to cancel, as I do 99% of the time.

Tonight is all about a feeling.  Not necessarily a feeling of love, but a feeling of finding a similar soul.  I truly believe I am about to meet a lasting friend.

There something about him, and tonight I will find out.  I hope there are sparks.

“I thank you for your courage to expose yourself.
This courage is needed by everyone because without this courage, you cannot hope for any possibility of transformation – into a new world, into a new consciousness, into your authentic being, which is the door to ultimate reality and to the ultimate benediction.”― Osho, Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other

Burgundy hair and fashion rings do not spell romance

05 Wednesday May 2021

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On Friday I met Flexible Guy.  Flexible as in easy-going, not as in bendy; which he probably is also.  

We were scheduled to meet at Dubrovnik Restaurant at 6pm. He called me and let me know that he was going to be 15 minutes late.  It was going to take him 2 hours driving. I was walking 5 minutes.  That is fair! 😉 I am worth it.

I got there at 6pm to make sure to secure our table.  I was seated at the covered patio upstairs. To sit outside, in the beautiful courtyard, was out of the question. It was too windy, and with a chance of rain.

He came in 10 minutes later. In the meantime I had got acquainted with the couple on the next table. They were an elderly couple. The man kept joking and the woman pretending she was upset with his jokes. So cute to see.

My date walked in and I got up and gave him a hug.  I am a hugger.  He looked like his pictures. His hair was a weird color, which I asked him about it.  It was by design and not an accident.  I don’t like orangey burgundy hair on anyone, but he did manage to pull it off.  

He was wearing some huge rings.  One was a skull, one was an eagle and one looked like claws.  I liked them.  I like people that have unique style, and don’t care what people think.  

“There never as been, nor will there ever be, another like you. Your singular perspective may patch some small hole in the vast tattered fabric of humanity. Uniqueness alone, however, does not make you valuable. If you don’t do, if you don’t dare, then you rob the world — and yourself–of the chance to contribute something meaningful.” ― Ryder Carroll

It was a Croatian restaurant. Fish reigns there. They bring a platter with a variety of seafood, table side, to explain each one in detail.  It was a 5 minutes explanation on each type of fish and shellfish.

I didn’t care for any of the appetizers, as they were mostly shellfish, so we split some grilled vegetables to start.  For the main course I had the branzino with risotto.  He had the red snapper with potatoes and Swiss chard.  For dessert I had the chocolate cake that was made with almond flour, almonds and orange.  He had the Kremsnita, a puffy pastry with vanilla custard cream.  

Everything was delicious.  The only thing that was lackluster was the drinks.  The bartender had no idea what he was doing. I don’t like to send anything back, food or drink, but I had to send the cosmopolitan back.  Even after I doctored it with more cranberry juice, it was awful. I just got the prosecco instead, and my date had a dirty martini.  

After a few hours, the manager offered to give us a free drink if we chose to go to the bar so they could sit another party.  I was okay with that, we were already done and ready to go anyway.  We just sat at the bar so he could settle the bill..  We both declined the free drink.

We had a great time, talking and laughing.  Unfortunately there was no chemistry for me.  He wanted to go on a second date, but I don’t want him to drive another 2 hours when I already know that I have no interest in romance. If he lived closer we would probably go out again as friends. 

“And what is a kiss, specifically? A pledge properly sealed, a promise seasoned to taste, a vow stamped with the immediacy of a lip, a rosy circle drawn around the verb ‘to love.’ A kiss is a message too intimate for the ear, infinity captured in the bee’s brief visit to a flower, secular communication with an aftertaste of heaven, the pulse rising from the heart to utter its name on a lover’s lip: ‘Forever.”― Edmond Rostand,  Cyrano de Bergerac

The woman from the office next door came over to ask me how my date went.  Yes, I do announce to all that will listen when I am going on a date. 🙂  Well, not really, but I am the type that if you ask me what I am doing tonight I will tell you exactly what.

I just simply said that it was good but there will not be a second date.  Some people don’t understand why I don’t want to go on a second date, and see if anything develops. To me, it is there or isn’t there.  It is that simple.  She insisted, asking me Why? why? over and over.

“Because I don’t want to kiss him” – I said.  She burst out laughing.  I was not trying to be funny.  If I don’t see myself potentially kissing someone, then I don’t want to waste my time or theirs.  Of course, relationships are not only about that, but if that is missing, then there is no future. 

Sorry David  https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/ ,  Once again I didn’t take a single picture of my food or the restaurant 😦  The picture at the top was found online, it is of their courtyard.

“The saddest word
in the whole wide world
is the word almost.

He was almost in love.
She was almost good for him.
He almost stopped her.
She almost waited.
He almost lived.
They almost made it.”
― Nikita Gill

Went on a date and fell in love with a baby

08 Monday Mar 2021

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I had my dental surgery on Friday at 11am.  I expected to be 100% by today,  but I am not. I am still in pain.  I have had many dental surgeries before and normally the recovery is a breeze.  I take 1 pain pill the first day and that’s it.  By lunch yesterday I had already taken all the pills they gave me (6-600mg ibuprofen).

I am at work now and decided to try not to take any pain meds. I am accepting this discomfort, knowing that it will pass. I am keeping the conversations to a minimum and eating only soft foods.  It helps.  I will also leaving shortly and go to bed as soon as I get home.

As far as the procedure, the removal of the implant, bone graft and the cleaning of other 2 implants; apparently it all went well. It will take some time to know for sure if we were able to save the other 2 implants. Fingers crossed.

Even though I should be a pro by now, for some reason I was really nervous and scared about this surgery.  I am blaming it on aging.  I am becoming a chicken as I age. 

To take my mind off of it, I decided to accept a dinner invitation for the night before.  I met N. on OKCupid.   He is the CFO of a Marketing company.  He is 57 years old and lives in Darien, CT, 30 minutes from me.

We went to a French restaurant called Encore Bistro Francais.  He had red wine and I had a St. Germain cocktail.  He had the cassoulet and I had a burger.  I know I probably should have ordered something else, but the burger seemed the perfect comfort food to prepare me for the next day’s surgery.  We shared profiteroles for dessert.  Everything was delicious!

The conversation flowed.  He has lived in different countries and had a lot to share. He was fun to talk to. We will probably go on a second date. Because of my surgery we didn’t schedule anything.

“I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.” ― Charles Dickens

But, the highlight of the evening was this tiny little guy, probably a year and half old.  He was seated with his back to me, but he kept turning around to look and smile at me.  At a certain point his father joked that he would probably have to get into a fight with my date over his flirting with me.

This child was the most well behaved child I have ever seen.  He made no noise or mess. Even when trying to get my attention he would just make faces and smile.  I would ignore him to pay attention to my date, but he never gave up, every time I looked his way, he was staring and smiling. 

“The soul is healed by being with children.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

When he was done eating his father turned his chair around so that he could look straight at me, and didn’t have to keep turning.  I learned his name was Edward when a lady, from a table next to him, asked.  I didn’t want to be rude to my date, plus there is Covid, so I kept my distance but would have loved to hug him.

That night, my date never had a chance.  Edward stole my heart. 

“I’ve never really understood the desire people have to quantify a baby. “He’s X big and Y long,” As if the baby is a fish you’re not sure you’re going to keep. Or some prize potato you’re hoping will win a prize at the county fair.” ― Patrick Rothfuss

Don’t just…, excel at it!

28 Sunday Jun 2020

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This week zoomed by.  It was a blur.  Phase III started on Tuesday in New Rochelle.  Restaurants are now open for indoor seating at 50% capacity. Some restaurants put tables on the sidewalk and I love that.

On Sunday I had my first meal at a restaurant.  My sister and I were spending the day with a friend.  We went to Chat 19 in Larchmont because they have outdoor seating.

We had a great time, and great food.  After that we went to the Larchmont Manor Park, shown on the picture above. It was a beautiful day.  It felt freeing.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

****

Last night, Friday I met a friend/business acquaintance for an afternoon drink/early dinner.  I showed her my neighborhood and we chose to sit outside at a Colombian Restaurant.  My sister met us there after she finished work.

We had passionfruit mojitos and empanadas and skirt steak, among other things.  All delicious.  We were sitting there talking and people watching for over 4 hours.  I also learned a lot about her life here and back in Australia where she is originally from.  I knew very little of her up to last night.  It is wonderful to understand the reasons why someone does what they do, or live the way they live.

“Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?
We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”― Haruki Murakami

Tonight I will have my first date from Match.com.  I just realized that he is only 39 years old, and I am not.  I have thought about canceling but I don’t think there is any harm in meeting him and making a new friend.

He seems so nice and thoughtful.  He is driving over 1 hours from NJ to come to my neighborhood to take me to dinner.  He chose a nice restaurant with a back patio that looks great.  

I will go with an open mind, and don’t let the age influence me.

UPDATE: Right as I was about to post this I received a text from my date saying he had to postpone it for next week.  He said had to stay near his laptop because of some work crisis. He also added: “The only other option would be for you to come here”

I don’t know if this is true or not, or if he is just being lazy trying to have me drive to him instead of him driving to me. Whatever it is, it just feels lame to me.  I will definitely not be going to him.  My gut tells me that a date next week doesn’t seem likely.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”― Mark Z. Danielewski,

So it seems life is getting back to normal, or I should say new normal.  Will the new normal be better than the old normal?

As I wrote that I paused to reflect.  Do I want everything to go back to normal?  Yes and no!  I guess this is the perfect time for me to reflect on the changes that I want to make and keep in my life.  What I want my new normal to look like?  For starters I want to have a better work-life balance. 

What a wasted opportunity life would be if we as a humanity didn’t learn anything in the last 4 months? Time to reflect in our own lives and see where we can improve to benefit ourselves and our neighbors.

“Don’t Just

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Dating in the age of Google

26 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”  – Meister Eckhart

I am excited about someone… and also scared.  Do you know how you have been wanting something for so long and then you get it and you start questioning if you really wanted it in the first place?

I think it is fear creeping in.  My life is good, predictable, comfortable.  My heart is right here where I can guard it.  Do I want to just hand it to someone else?  Do I want to chance it again?  Do I want to risk being cheated on, betrayed, my heart broken and my mind crippled?

I can see I already am in my “let’s find something wrong with this person”mode so that I can continue to be alone.   That involves infinite googling.  And I did. And I found. Not about him, but about a relative.  I decided to relax a bit, to take a day at a time, and not to hold him accountable for the sins of others.

We are from 2 completely different worlds, but it seems that we appreciate some of the same qualities, such as honesty and respect.  Even though I mostly have good to great dates, what made this date amazing was that immediately it was if we have been best friends forever.  Not only that, but there were sparks from the get go.

Our date was yesterday, Friday, St. Patrick’s Day.  We met at the corner of my work and from there we walked to a Korean Restaurant that was awesome.  It had a fun vibe and they had an amazing passion fruit drink.  We had so much fun there that we didn’t want the date to end.

From there we went to his apartment where dropped his bag off.  I never did that before and I don’t recommend it, but I knew this guy enough and knew I would have no issues going into his apartment.  And I didn’t.  We walked in he dropped his bag off, I went to the bathroom, and then we left.  We went to another 2 different bars/pubs and we danced and laughed.  Then he took me to the train station.  We said good bye dying to see each other again.

oh yeah, we kissed and the world seemed to stop.  I can’t wait for the second date.

“Don’t you long for something different to happen, something so exciting and new it carries you along with it like a great tide, something that lets your life blaze and burn so the whole world can see it?”  – JulietMarillier

The above was written the day following that date.  And here, a week later,  the story continues, or should I say, it ends:

After our mutual excitement to see each other he mentioned he would meet at the corner of my work like the first date unless he came up with other plans.

Then on the afternoon of the date he gave me the name of a Pub near my office to meet him.  The place was very loud and busy.  I got there 3 minutes after him and he already had a beer in his hand.  I ordered a drink, but I was thinking that we would eventually leave to go to a restaurant where we didn’t have to yell to talk to each other.

Slowly it dawned on me that this was the date.

Then he makes a point of telling me what a big lunch he had and that he will not eat anything the rest of day/night.   And I thought ours was a dinner date.

The whole vibe was off.  We managed to talk but it was not easy like the first date.

As the evening progressed I knew that was that last time I would see him.  There was a certain sorrow and sadness in that realization, mixed with relief and elation.

I am not sure what had changed, but it did. Perhaps I was already biased by what I found online about his relative (which he confirmed was true).  Perhaps it was the cheap beer and lack of food.  Perhaps because after talking more I realized that we don’t really want the same things in life and have different views about certain subjects.

Perhaps I have too many expectations, but I expected more from a guy that was dying to see me.   Specially after an amazing first date, I thought the second would be even better. I don’t mind cheap places and just meeting for a drink, but let me know that is the plan.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope

After being in this bar for over 2 hours, I had 2 small drinks and he had 6 beers.  He walked me to the train station.  We hugged good bye and he said it was an awesome date, and I said:  No it was not.  That seemed to shock him, but it shouldn’t have, after all he was there with me.

Still we have texted niceties since yesterday but that is it.  I had intentions of inviting him to go watch a friend sing tonight, but after last night it seems our worlds are farther apart then I had previously thought.

He is still a great guy, but not for me.  There wasn’t anything horrendous about his actions, and he will probably make another girl very happy. But to me the magic and chemistry was broken and I don’t think we can get it back. It is all about how a person makes you feel, and he made me feel irrelevant.

And then all of a sudden my heart is not going anywhere and I am surrounded by the comfort and safety of being alone again.

And the search continues…

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Miss Fearless is Terrified!

29 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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“I love, because my love is not dependent on the object of love. My love is dependent on my state of being. So whether the other person changes, becomes different, friend turns into a foe, does not matter, because my love was never dependent on the other person. My love is my state of being. I simply love.” ― Osho

This post was going to be totally different.  I was going to tell you about a great guy that I was dating.  I was going to tell you how this guy seemed to be the one; how everything felt so right.

This post now is about breaking up with a guy that seemed perfect for me.

He is still a great guy, he is still interested in a relationship, but all of a sudden, one day, I wake up and it seems too much too soon. I had to run, I had to escape!  The truth is I am scared!  I guess I am not as fearless as I thought I was.  I am scared and not sure of what.  I am terrified of falling in love!  I don’t think I am ready to be that vulnerable again.   I actually don’t think I fear getting hurt,  I fear hurting somebody else.

I have been the queen of first dates.  I have gone on more than 1 date with the same person only a few times, such as with the Jewelry Designer and the Math Professor. Insisting on something that doesn’t feel quite right from the beginning never works for me.  The amazing conversations and the romantic restaurants weren’t enough for me to ignore the lack of chemistry.

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I have been searching for love for the past few years, all of sudden there is a glimmer of hope.  There comes this guy that makes me feel excited.  There was something about him that first attracted me, and perhaps that very same unknown thing is what now scares me.

I realized that all the meaningless dates before, even though there were some great ones, they were non-threatening, because I didn’t really feel anything.  They didn’t threaten my independence and the safety of my single-hood.

The moment I realized that I liked him and he liked me back  I started looking for flaws, for reasons to disqualify him as a potential long term boyfriend. There is chemistry, he is a great guy, has a great job, family oriented, has a cool hobby, good family, a son in college, no crazy ex-wife, is kind to animals, adores me and still that is no enough for me.

From the moment we started talking we both felt that we had a special connection. It felt special! I knew it!  He knew it! He talked about the same feelings I was feeling.  It was refreshing to hear a man so open with his feelings.

flowers

He brought me the flowers on the above picture. It was one big vase, but I split in 3 so that I have a vase in each room.  Granted he didn’t buy them (he works on TV and they were props on a live daily TV show) but I give him credit for being honest where they came from and for carrying that heavy vase to my door.  I have to mention that he also drove over one and a half hours to see me every time. It was always about what I wanted.  Perhaps he is too nice and therefore too easy, no one wants what is easy.

As we continued to see each other I began to feel overwhelmed and trapped.  All of a sudden I felt this longing and sadness over not ever going on a first date again.  I am probably the only crazy person out there that enjoys the excitement of a first date.

This guy is threatening to my life as it is.  I claim I want love but perhaps I don’t want to change anything.  I am used to my life now.  Perhaps I just want to go on a nice date every now and then, with no attachments, no commitments.

So today I broke things off, I tried the old: “it is me, not you” line, because in this case it is true.  He has been nothing but a gentleman, kind and considerate, doing whatever I please, but still I feel that is what I must do at this point.  I don’t want to hurt him and I feel that I would end up doing that. My main fear is to be dragging this relationship on while I have doubts and let him fall more for me and end up hurting him.  Worst than getting hurt is hurting someone else!

 “The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness not to stop your progress.”― Steve Maraboli

I also wanted to make sure I broke up before Valentine’s Day because I am sure he would buy me a gift and do something special and I would be forever guilty. I hate feeling I am taking advantage of anyone.

He was disappointed and tried to talk me out of it, but at this point there is no going back on my decision.  He doesn’t understand why I want to stop seeing him if everything is going well. I don’t think it is a matter of want but of need.  I feel I need to stop it.  Let me return to my string of one-dates, something I have mastered and know well.  Something that is non-threatening and leaves all my options open.

At the end of the day I am still trying to figure it out what all this means.  I don’t have all the answers…well, clearly I have no answers!  Is it my heart telling me he is just not the one? Is it still too soon to try to love again?  Am I, deep down inside, fearful of being cheated on again?  Am I dumping him before he dumps me?  Am I afraid of making the wrong choice?  Is fear of getting hurt preventing from giving myself 100% to another person?

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

The problem with online dating is that is just too easy to get a date, there is always an option, so why settle? What if I settle with the wrong guy and the right guy comes along?

I need to stop over-thinking.  I decided to continue following my heart even when it does not make sense, such as now.  As long as I continue to be honest with myself and with the people I am dating all will be okay.

There is a reason why I am breaking things off.  I don’t know what that reason is right at this moment but eventually I will know.  For now I just need to know that that is what my heart wants and what I need.

I do feel extremely guilty by disappointing this guy. I do feel I actually did him a favor.  He is now free to meet the right person for him.

Nothing like a boyfriend to make me realize how awesome being single is!!

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist