Tag Archives: first date

Don’t just…, excel at it!

28 Sunday Jun 2020

Posted by in Daily Life

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This week zoomed by.  It was a blur.  Phase III started on Tuesday in New Rochelle.  Restaurants are now open for indoor seating at 50% capacity. Some restaurants put tables on the sidewalk and I love that.

On Sunday I had my first meal at a restaurant.  My sister and I were spending the day with a friend.  We went to Chat 19 in Larchmont because they have outdoor seating.

We had a great time, and great food.  After that we went to the Larchmont Manor Park, shown on the picture above. It was a beautiful day.  It felt freeing.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

****

Last night, Friday I met a friend/business acquaintance for an afternoon drink/early dinner.  I showed her my neighborhood and we chose to sit outside at a Colombian Restaurant.  My sister met us there after she finished work.

We had passionfruit mojitos and empanadas and skirt steak, among other things.  All delicious.  We were sitting there talking and people watching for over 4 hours.  I also learned a lot about her life here and back in Australia where she is originally from.  I knew very little of her up to last night.  It is wonderful to understand the reasons why someone does what they do, or live the way they live.

“Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?
We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”― Haruki Murakami

Tonight I will have my first date from Match.com.  I just realized that he is only 39 years old, and I am not.  I have thought about canceling but I don’t think there is any harm in meeting him and making a new friend.

He seems so nice and thoughtful.  He is driving over 1 hours from NJ to come to my neighborhood to take me to dinner.  He chose a nice restaurant with a back patio that looks great.  

I will go with an open mind, and don’t let the age influence me.

UPDATE: Right as I was about to post this I received a text from my date saying he had to postpone it for next week.  He said had to stay near his laptop because of some work crisis. He also added: “The only other option would be for you to come here”

I don’t know if this is true or not, or if he is just being lazy trying to have me drive to him instead of him driving to me. Whatever it is, it just feels lame to me.  I will definitely not be going to him.  My gut tells me that a date next week doesn’t seem likely.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”― Mark Z. Danielewski,

So it seems life is getting back to normal, or I should say new normal.  Will the new normal be better than the old normal?

As I wrote that I paused to reflect.  Do I want everything to go back to normal?  Yes and no!  I guess this is the perfect time for me to reflect on the changes that I want to make and keep in my life.  What I want my new normal to look like?  For starters I want to have a better work-life balance. 

What a wasted opportunity life would be if we as a humanity didn’t learn anything in the last 4 months? Time to reflect in our own lives and see where we can improve to benefit ourselves and our neighbors.

“Don’t Just

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Dating in the age of Google

26 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”  – Meister Eckhart

I am excited about someone… and also scared.  Do you know how you have been wanting something for so long and then you get it and you start questioning if you really wanted it in the first place?

I think it is fear creeping in.  My life is good, predictable, comfortable.  My heart is right here where I can guard it.  Do I want to just hand it to someone else?  Do I want to chance it again?  Do I want to risk being cheated on, betrayed, my heart broken and my mind crippled?

I can see I already am in my “let’s find something wrong with this person”mode so that I can continue to be alone.   That involves infinite googling.  And I did. And I found. Not about him, but about a relative.  I decided to relax a bit, to take a day at a time, and not to hold him accountable for the sins of others.

We are from 2 completely different worlds, but it seems that we appreciate some of the same qualities, such as honesty and respect.  Even though I mostly have good to great dates, what made this date amazing was that immediately it was if we have been best friends forever.  Not only that, but there were sparks from the get go.

Our date was yesterday, Friday, St. Patrick’s Day.  We met at the corner of my work and from there we walked to a Korean Restaurant that was awesome.  It had a fun vibe and they had an amazing passion fruit drink.  We had so much fun there that we didn’t want the date to end.

From there we went to his apartment where dropped his bag off.  I never did that before and I don’t recommend it, but I knew this guy enough and knew I would have no issues going into his apartment.  And I didn’t.  We walked in he dropped his bag off, I went to the bathroom, and then we left.  We went to another 2 different bars/pubs and we danced and laughed.  Then he took me to the train station.  We said good bye dying to see each other again.

oh yeah, we kissed and the world seemed to stop.  I can’t wait for the second date.

“Don’t you long for something different to happen, something so exciting and new it carries you along with it like a great tide, something that lets your life blaze and burn so the whole world can see it?”  – JulietMarillier

The above was written the day following that date.  And here, a week later,  the story continues, or should I say, it ends:

After our mutual excitement to see each other he mentioned he would meet at the corner of my work like the first date unless he came up with other plans.

Then on the afternoon of the date he gave me the name of a Pub near my office to meet him.  The place was very loud and busy.  I got there 3 minutes after him and he already had a beer in his hand.  I ordered a drink, but I was thinking that we would eventually leave to go to a restaurant where we didn’t have to yell to talk to each other.

Slowly it dawned on me that this was the date.

Then he makes a point of telling me what a big lunch he had and that he will not eat anything the rest of day/night.   And I thought ours was a dinner date.

The whole vibe was off.  We managed to talk but it was not easy like the first date.

As the evening progressed I knew that was that last time I would see him.  There was a certain sorrow and sadness in that realization, mixed with relief and elation.

I am not sure what had changed, but it did. Perhaps I was already biased by what I found online about his relative (which he confirmed was true).  Perhaps it was the cheap beer and lack of food.  Perhaps because after talking more I realized that we don’t really want the same things in life and have different views about certain subjects.

Perhaps I have too many expectations, but I expected more from a guy that was dying to see me.   Specially after an amazing first date, I thought the second would be even better. I don’t mind cheap places and just meeting for a drink, but let me know that is the plan.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope

After being in this bar for over 2 hours, I had 2 small drinks and he had 6 beers.  He walked me to the train station.  We hugged good bye and he said it was an awesome date, and I said:  No it was not.  That seemed to shock him, but it shouldn’t have, after all he was there with me.

Still we have texted niceties since yesterday but that is it.  I had intentions of inviting him to go watch a friend sing tonight, but after last night it seems our worlds are farther apart then I had previously thought.

He is still a great guy, but not for me.  There wasn’t anything horrendous about his actions, and he will probably make another girl very happy. But to me the magic and chemistry was broken and I don’t think we can get it back. It is all about how a person makes you feel, and he made me feel irrelevant.

And then all of a sudden my heart is not going anywhere and I am surrounded by the comfort and safety of being alone again.

And the search continues…

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Miss Fearless is Terrified!

29 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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“I love, because my love is not dependent on the object of love. My love is dependent on my state of being. So whether the other person changes, becomes different, friend turns into a foe, does not matter, because my love was never dependent on the other person. My love is my state of being. I simply love.” ― Osho

This post was going to be totally different.  I was going to tell you about a great guy that I was dating.  I was going to tell you how this guy seemed to be the one; how everything felt so right.

This post now is about breaking up with a guy that seemed perfect for me.

He is still a great guy, he is still interested in a relationship, but all of a sudden, one day, I wake up and it seems too much too soon. I had to run, I had to escape!  The truth is I am scared!  I guess I am not as fearless as I thought I was.  I am scared and not sure of what.  I am terrified of falling in love!  I don’t think I am ready to be that vulnerable again.   I actually don’t think I fear getting hurt,  I fear hurting somebody else.

I have been the queen of first dates.  I have gone on more than 1 date with the same person only a few times, such as with the Jewelry Designer and the Math Professor. Insisting on something that doesn’t feel quite right from the beginning never works for me.  The amazing conversations and the romantic restaurants weren’t enough for me to ignore the lack of chemistry.

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I have been searching for love for the past few years, all of sudden there is a glimmer of hope.  There comes this guy that makes me feel excited.  There was something about him that first attracted me, and perhaps that very same unknown thing is what now scares me.

I realized that all the meaningless dates before, even though there were some great ones, they were non-threatening, because I didn’t really feel anything.  They didn’t threaten my independence and the safety of my single-hood.

The moment I realized that I liked him and he liked me back  I started looking for flaws, for reasons to disqualify him as a potential long term boyfriend. There is chemistry, he is a great guy, has a great job, family oriented, has a cool hobby, good family, a son in college, no crazy ex-wife, is kind to animals, adores me and still that is no enough for me.

From the moment we started talking we both felt that we had a special connection. It felt special! I knew it!  He knew it! He talked about the same feelings I was feeling.  It was refreshing to hear a man so open with his feelings.

flowers

He brought me the flowers on the above picture. It was one big vase, but I split in 3 so that I have a vase in each room.  Granted he didn’t buy them (he works on TV and they were props on a live daily TV show) but I give him credit for being honest where they came from and for carrying that heavy vase to my door.  I have to mention that he also drove over one and a half hours to see me every time. It was always about what I wanted.  Perhaps he is too nice and therefore too easy, no one wants what is easy.

As we continued to see each other I began to feel overwhelmed and trapped.  All of a sudden I felt this longing and sadness over not ever going on a first date again.  I am probably the only crazy person out there that enjoys the excitement of a first date.

This guy is threatening to my life as it is.  I claim I want love but perhaps I don’t want to change anything.  I am used to my life now.  Perhaps I just want to go on a nice date every now and then, with no attachments, no commitments.

So today I broke things off, I tried the old: “it is me, not you” line, because in this case it is true.  He has been nothing but a gentleman, kind and considerate, doing whatever I please, but still I feel that is what I must do at this point.  I don’t want to hurt him and I feel that I would end up doing that. My main fear is to be dragging this relationship on while I have doubts and let him fall more for me and end up hurting him.  Worst than getting hurt is hurting someone else!

 “The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness not to stop your progress.”― Steve Maraboli

I also wanted to make sure I broke up before Valentine’s Day because I am sure he would buy me a gift and do something special and I would be forever guilty. I hate feeling I am taking advantage of anyone.

He was disappointed and tried to talk me out of it, but at this point there is no going back on my decision.  He doesn’t understand why I want to stop seeing him if everything is going well. I don’t think it is a matter of want but of need.  I feel I need to stop it.  Let me return to my string of one-dates, something I have mastered and know well.  Something that is non-threatening and leaves all my options open.

At the end of the day I am still trying to figure it out what all this means.  I don’t have all the answers…well, clearly I have no answers!  Is it my heart telling me he is just not the one? Is it still too soon to try to love again?  Am I, deep down inside, fearful of being cheated on again?  Am I dumping him before he dumps me?  Am I afraid of making the wrong choice?  Is fear of getting hurt preventing from giving myself 100% to another person?

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

The problem with online dating is that is just too easy to get a date, there is always an option, so why settle? What if I settle with the wrong guy and the right guy comes along?

I need to stop over-thinking.  I decided to continue following my heart even when it does not make sense, such as now.  As long as I continue to be honest with myself and with the people I am dating all will be okay.

There is a reason why I am breaking things off.  I don’t know what that reason is right at this moment but eventually I will know.  For now I just need to know that that is what my heart wants and what I need.

I do feel extremely guilty by disappointing this guy. I do feel I actually did him a favor.  He is now free to meet the right person for him.

Nothing like a boyfriend to make me realize how awesome being single is!!

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist

 

First e-harmony Date

29 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Reviews

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I would say that my first e-Harmony date went pretty well.  Everything close to perfect. It would have been perfect if I had liked him in a romantic way.

There was no chemistry.  At least on my part. Him?  I can safely say he was smitten and wants to pursue a relationship.

Let me give you a summary of the date.  We met in the lobby of his hotel (he is from another state). From there we took a cab to the Hurricane Club http://thehurricaneclub.com/

The place was a little louder and larger than I would have liked for a first date, but we started talking and enjoying ourselves that we just forget the loudness and largeness of the place.

The food was great. I specially enjoyed the Double-Crispy Beef.  The meat is so tender it melts in your mouth. Of course I had to have dessert and even though I am not eating chocolate for now, I managed to enjoy some of the Samoan (angel food cake, coconut and caramel). Coconut is my second favorite thing in the world.

Now, ladies and gents, I have a question.  Is it okay to take home the leftovers when you are on a date?  I hate to waste, specially food, so there was no way I was going to leave that beef behind.

**

From there he wanted to go to a roof top bar.  One would think that because I have been working in Manhattan for the past 12 years I would have a good idea of where to go – I didn’t! I managed to get lost while trying to find this one bar that I used to go to years ago.  We ended up near the Empire State and he suggested we go up.

Perhaps kind of lame, but it was great!

Even though they were announcing zero visibility we could see plenty. We stopped awhile at the 86th floor observatory and from there we went all the way to 102.

There were no lines, barely anyone was going up since they said you couldn’t see anything. I think that employees just wanted to leave early or something, you could see everything. The pictures don’t do justice to the view.

After that we took a pedicab to Times Square, and then walked to Grand Central, where we said good bye and I took my train home.

He was a true gentleman, evertyhing was perfect, the conversation flowed, we have the same values and habits, but I couldn’t see myself kissing him. And that to me is a deal breaker. If I can see myself kissing this person there is no way this can go any further.

What is your test to see if a second date is warranted? Does chemistry can suddenly materialize? I don’t think so, I think is either there or not there.

He has e-mailed and I replied saying I want to be just friends. He replied again and ignored that and when on to ask me how I want to be treated.

I am glad I got the first date out of the way. It was fun playing tourist and doing things I never done before (Empire State at night and pedicab ride). I was lucky that it went so well.  It got my spirits and hopes revived.

Next!!