Tag Archives: vegetarian

Back in the swing of things

19 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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I am back.  Unfortunately I didn’t return rejuvenated.  This trip wiped me out. On the day I returned I even lacked the energy to unpack.   My mom has returned with me and she will be spending 1 month here.  That is normally the routine: twice a year I go to Brazil and twice a year she returns with me and spends one month here. It is a good break for her and a good bonding time for us.  It will be one month of shopping, casino and over-eating and under-exercising.  I am going to do my best not to ignore my new resolve of becoming healthier.  We shall see…

The moment I returned to work the auditors got in touch with additional requests.   I was happy they waited for me and I actually welcome the work and the routine of it.  After a couple of days they went silent, so I am hoping this is the end.  I am just awaiting for their final write-up.

I am still in touch with the doctor from the many previous posts.  I guess that is what is called dating.  We were seeing each other a couple of times a week before I went to Brazil.  Now that I am back we have texted several times.  We shall see what will happen.  He does a wonderful job of not showing me all his cards.  It is hard for me not to know exactly where I stand.  I struggle with feeling not in control of the situation.

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli

Before I went to Brazil I decided to remove the content and pictures from my online dating profile.  My decision was two-fold: I needed a break plus I don’t want to date more than one person if I am intimate with one person.  Even though we didn’t talk about commitment, to me being intimate means commitment.

Even if the doctor was not in the picture at this moment I would still take a break from online dating.  I think every now and then it is best to take a break from things and reevaluate needs, wants and expectations.

“Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it’s a relationship, a business or a hobby.” – Neil Strauss

Online dating was becoming too much work.  I also had started looking at everyone the same and not looking at people as people but things that come and go and that can be tossed aside at any point.  Returning to it in a few weeks or months with fresher eyes and attitude will be best.

Now I feel free from the demands of replying to countless messages that often get nowhere.  I also feel free from the pressure I had put on myself of having to find someone.

Even though I no longer have pictures and content I was still getting messages from some people I was corresponding with, so I went online to leave a message of my decision to take a break.  While there I saw that the doctor added new pictures to his profile.  While I didn’t expect him to stay away from online dating, seeing new pictures gave me this weird feeling.

“Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.” – Steve Maraboli

Believe me when I say I am trying hard not to make any assumptions or read too much into people’s actions or lack of it, but it is hard not to think about what his new pictures means.  In a way it told me what he thinks of me and this relationship.  It means that his level of commitment is not the same as mine and he probably doesn’t see the potential I see in this relationship.  Or still, maybe, he is suffering from something that a lot people that do online dating suffer from:  They find someone but they always think that there could be someone else even better out there.  Fear of settling and missing out.

We have never had a conversation regarding dating each other exclusively.  In the beginning when I brought up dating other people he mentioned something about not going there.  I got the message.

Still I became intimate with him without having a commitment.  Becoming intimate seemed like a natural dating progression.  I also felt that we were on the same page regarding our feelings for each other.

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose – and commit myself to – what is best for me.” – Paulo Coelho

At this point I have a decision to make.  I enjoy his company and our amazing conversations.  I just need to decide what I am comfortable with.  Am I okay being intimate with someone that is probably getting intimate with other people?  Absolutely not!  That was never my intention.  That is not something I am comfortable with.

Being intimate was probably more my idea than his.  He seems completely happy to just go to dinner.  So I think he will be perfectly fine with dialing back that part of our relationship.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”  – Peter F. Drucker

Oddly I am completely okay with whatever way this relationship goes.  It is fine if it progresses and it is also fine if just becomes friendship.   I saw potential in him as he is the first guy that has this same very positive outlook in life that I do.  We have the same ideas and beliefs when it comes to religion and other deeper matters.  We read the same books and like the same things.  But there are many differences also.    He is a vegetarian that thinks sugar is the devil.  I like meat and want sugar to be my friend.  He is very much into bettering himself.  I am too, but not at his level.  He is hardcore about it and bettering himself and others seems like a mission to him.  I love that,  but I cannot keep up.  Perhaps I am lazy and not that committed to my health.  I am looking to improve that but I know that I cannot be hardcore about anything otherwise it will just backfire.

The bottom-line is I am happy, happy, happy!  With him or without him.  With commitment or without commitment.  I am happy with the knowledge that I am blessed.  I have so much going for me.  I have options.   There may be the right guy out there for me, and there may not be.  That no longer matters.  I am enough!  More and more I know what I want and what I don’t want. Right now I just want to be in the moment and enjoy it to the fullest.

For a laugh: “When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.” – Warren Farrell

The wonderful world of possibilities and anticipation!

28 Sunday Jun 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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* “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

What I love most about life is the fact that the future is such a mysterious gift.  I continue to try to work hard, be positive, humble, grateful, pro-active and most important, to be present in the moment. I believe that if I continue to do my part the Universe will continue to bless me with miraculous rewards.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that there is nothing to gain for beating myself up when I make a mistake.  A mistake happens, I ponder about what I could have done different, how I will handle the same situation in the future, but most important, I try to find the lesson in the mistake so I don’t repeat it again.  In my last post I spoke about the mistake of having sex with AL.

That single mistake/lesson has been a major turning point for me.  It made me realize what I really want in life as far as romantic relationships and sex.  For me platonic friends and sex is not a good combination.   AL and I continue to text and be friends.  I continue to regard him as a great friend and as someone I can count on.  I take full responsibility for that mistake and I am grateful for the part he played in helping me learn the lessons I needed to learn.

* “We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” 

The Universe has an incredible/impeccable  timing.  Two nights after I was with AL I went on a date with someone new.  I met this guy on POF (Plenty of Fish). I will call him AS.

I decided to have a new attitude in dating now.  I will have no expectations and be open minded to everyone I meet. I will give everyone a fair chance and will try to be in the moment and already foresee the future.  I never expected that as soon as I decided to make a mental shift that I would meet someone special.

* “Your greatest self has been waiting your whole life; don’t make it wait any longer.”

I met AS at an Italian Restaurant and we decided to walk to a Vegetarian Restaurant that his sister had just visited and recommended. The food was good, but the company and conversation was exceptional. There was no lull in the conversation. He talks about the same books I have read (or meant to read :-).  He talks about Ho’oponopono (an ancient Hawaiian practice) and his experience with Shamans (spiritual healers), among many other things that not everyone is familiar with but I happen to know about it and believe in.  We are in awe of the so many things we have in common.  Our outlook in so similar, we both feel blessed and believe that the Universe conspires to bring us what we need and what we emanate.  We believe in being humble and grateful.  It feels good to talk about the things I believe in without thinking I am going to scare him or weird him out. He also loves to travel and wants to see the world – another important connection for me.

After dinner he walked me home.  In the lobby of my building he took my face in his hands, gave me a sweet peck on the lips and said he would like to see me again.  That was Wednesday night.  The next day he texted and asked me out to brunch on Sunday.

It was very hard for me to keep my excitement down.  Will a second date be equally as nice as the first or will all fall apart?

All the guys I meet end up living very far, but in this case even the logistics are perfect.  He lives 10 blocks away from where I live.  He also works 10 blocks away from my work.

The second date was even better.  We sat and talked for 3 hours.  He had to go meet friends so eventually we had to leave. Even though I live only 2 blocks away from the restaurant he said he would drive me home -I think we both wanted to spend as much time as we could together.  As we are walking to his car he asked if he could hold my hand. I said yes.  If this was any other guy I would find this request extremely corny, but with him it seemed gentle, cute and respectful.

He parked in front of my building and as I am getting ready to leap out, he said: “Hold on, let me walk you to your door” …another gentlemanly moment that makes me feel special.  At my door he says good bye with a sweet peck on my lips again as in the first date. It is amazing how sometimes times tiny gestures have a huge impact!

* “There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.”

I love that he seems so secure and so unhurried about things.  He was not all over me even though the chemistry and sexual tension is there.  It is as if he knows that something will happen but he realizes that waiting and taking it slow can only make it better.

He inspired me to get moving on my goals in life and to get back to reading all the personal growth and spiritual books I have on my bookshelf that I never seem able to finish.  He pursues education and self improvement with a determination I have never seen before.  Being inspired by my partner to become a better person is one of the ideas I have for the right person for me. Please don’t confuse my thinking he is perfect for me with thinking that is he is perfect.  No one is!   I also think that he could also learn from me.  I think I can have him laughing more, relaxing more.

* “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.” 

As expected I have been floating on this cloud of anticipation of what it is to come (being careful not to miss the present moment).  I think anticipation is okay but expectations are bad!  Still I am trying to keep all the excitement in check as there are always all kinds of impediments in new relationships.  After all we only had 3 dates and don’t really know each other.

The third date was on Thursday night.  We had decided to play ping pong since I said that I probably could beat him at that. But I will save the details of the third for the next post in the next day or so. I feel the third date deserves its own post, as insecurities, fears and self sabotage already started rearing their ugly heads. He was away this weekend to be in wedding returning on this coming Thursday.  So I had/have plenty of time to dissect and analyze every second of this third date and all I have done wrong…yes my impatience and impulsiveness got the best of me.  Dating as an Aries is tough!

* “Do not sabotage your new relationship with your last relationship’s poison.”

What I will say for now is that it seems I met my match.  My heart is singing with the melody of possibilities.

So that things don’t seem just absolutely perfect I will venture some differences between him and I: Due to his profession he is very conscious about eating, health and the world.  He is a vegetarian that tries to stay away from sugar and other ingredients deemed unhealthy.  He is extremely book smart, serious, focused and driven.  I am a street smart, sarcastic girl that loves a good bacon cheese burger and rewards herself with sweets.  I am totally unfocused with a wandering mind that lack clear goals.  Will our optimism and eternally blessed attitude be enough to bridge this gap?

* “Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” 

* All quotes are by Steve Maraboli.  He is so inspiring!