Tags
back to routine, back to work, being intimate, commitment, feeling contented, meat-lover, monogamy, single and happy, sugarholic, vegetarian
I am back. Unfortunately I didn’t return rejuvenated. This trip wiped me out. On the day I returned I even lacked the energy to unpack. My mom has returned with me and she will be spending 1 month here. That is normally the routine: twice a year I go to Brazil and twice a year she returns with me and spends one month here. It is a good break for her and a good bonding time for us. It will be one month of shopping, casino and over-eating and under-exercising. I am going to do my best not to ignore my new resolve of becoming healthier. We shall see…
The moment I returned to work the auditors got in touch with additional requests. I was happy they waited for me and I actually welcome the work and the routine of it. After a couple of days they went silent, so I am hoping this is the end. I am just awaiting for their final write-up.
I am still in touch with the doctor from the many previous posts. I guess that is what is called dating. We were seeing each other a couple of times a week before I went to Brazil. Now that I am back we have texted several times. We shall see what will happen. He does a wonderful job of not showing me all his cards. It is hard for me not to know exactly where I stand. I struggle with feeling not in control of the situation.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli
Before I went to Brazil I decided to remove the content and pictures from my online dating profile. My decision was two-fold: I needed a break plus I don’t want to date more than one person if I am intimate with one person. Even though we didn’t talk about commitment, to me being intimate means commitment.
Even if the doctor was not in the picture at this moment I would still take a break from online dating. I think every now and then it is best to take a break from things and reevaluate needs, wants and expectations.
“Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it’s a relationship, a business or a hobby.” – Neil Strauss
Online dating was becoming too much work. I also had started looking at everyone the same and not looking at people as people but things that come and go and that can be tossed aside at any point. Returning to it in a few weeks or months with fresher eyes and attitude will be best.
Now I feel free from the demands of replying to countless messages that often get nowhere. I also feel free from the pressure I had put on myself of having to find someone.
Even though I no longer have pictures and content I was still getting messages from some people I was corresponding with, so I went online to leave a message of my decision to take a break. While there I saw that the doctor added new pictures to his profile. While I didn’t expect him to stay away from online dating, seeing new pictures gave me this weird feeling.
“Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.” – Steve Maraboli
Believe me when I say I am trying hard not to make any assumptions or read too much into people’s actions or lack of it, but it is hard not to think about what his new pictures means. In a way it told me what he thinks of me and this relationship. It means that his level of commitment is not the same as mine and he probably doesn’t see the potential I see in this relationship. Or still, maybe, he is suffering from something that a lot people that do online dating suffer from: They find someone but they always think that there could be someone else even better out there. Fear of settling and missing out.
We have never had a conversation regarding dating each other exclusively. In the beginning when I brought up dating other people he mentioned something about not going there. I got the message.
Still I became intimate with him without having a commitment. Becoming intimate seemed like a natural dating progression. I also felt that we were on the same page regarding our feelings for each other.
“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose – and commit myself to – what is best for me.” – Paulo Coelho
At this point I have a decision to make. I enjoy his company and our amazing conversations. I just need to decide what I am comfortable with. Am I okay being intimate with someone that is probably getting intimate with other people? Absolutely not! That was never my intention. That is not something I am comfortable with.
Being intimate was probably more my idea than his. He seems completely happy to just go to dinner. So I think he will be perfectly fine with dialing back that part of our relationship.
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker
Oddly I am completely okay with whatever way this relationship goes. It is fine if it progresses and it is also fine if just becomes friendship. I saw potential in him as he is the first guy that has this same very positive outlook in life that I do. We have the same ideas and beliefs when it comes to religion and other deeper matters. We read the same books and like the same things. But there are many differences also. He is a vegetarian that thinks sugar is the devil. I like meat and want sugar to be my friend. He is very much into bettering himself. I am too, but not at his level. He is hardcore about it and bettering himself and others seems like a mission to him. I love that, but I cannot keep up. Perhaps I am lazy and not that committed to my health. I am looking to improve that but I know that I cannot be hardcore about anything otherwise it will just backfire.
The bottom-line is I am happy, happy, happy! With him or without him. With commitment or without commitment. I am happy with the knowledge that I am blessed. I have so much going for me. I have options. There may be the right guy out there for me, and there may not be. That no longer matters. I am enough! More and more I know what I want and what I don’t want. Right now I just want to be in the moment and enjoy it to the fullest.
For a laugh: “When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.” – Warren Farrell
From the sounds of things, you are in a very good place. Hope the happiness continues, with or without a soul-mate! 🙂
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I am, thank you! The happiness will most definitely continue as I believe that happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy every day! I just keep hoping for even more reasons to be happy. Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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That is great to hear you being happy, enjoy the moment you have and just see where it goes, no pressure. Talk and get to know each other more or not if you don’t want. Well enjoy your mum being there. Having a break of the on line dating is a good idea you can always start again later if you feel the need!
Have a great week!
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Hi Ute. Thank you so much! I am taking it one second at time and not really going crazy if things don’t go as I had hoped. All falls into place as I follow my heart and leave it all in the hands of God. You too have a blessed week! 🙂
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I am happy to read of your contentment. Online dating does become work – which makes it NOT FUN! The control quote is perfect. Keep it up!
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Thank you so much! It is incredibly freeing to let go of online dating for now. I am sure I will go back to it eventually but for now I am enjoying the time off.
Many blessings! 🙂
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Hi Ana! Nice perspective!
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Hi Frank. So nice to see you here 🙂 I hope you are back to the blogging world! Sometimes all we need is a change in perspective to give life a new meaning! Blessings! 🙂
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Yeah! I need to travel more too!Maybe there?
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According to Rumi: “Travel brings power and love back into your life.” . So what are you waiting for? Thanksgiving in NY, Christmas in NY, actually any regular day in NY is spectacular!! 🙂
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Fun! I am on seven days off work now, driving to Phoenix, but I am stoked for NYC soon! ( :
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Sounds awesome! Phoenix and NY! See you soon! 🙂 (I am a bit jealous, need a trip soon, a spa or skiing or anything) Enjoy!
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( :
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Great idea! Where is your favorite skiing?
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I haven’t been to many places but to me Whistler, BC is paradise! I also had a lot fun in Snowmass,CO. By the way I am not sure what I do can be called skiing lol
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I hear Whistler is awesome. I’d love to go there with fun people!
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Although you are clearly exhausted, you also seem very happy, and that’s a good thing. Rest up, and let things with the doctor just happen. Go with the flow, don’t overthink it.
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Hi Noelle I am indeed happy and letting things just happen is a great advice (not easy for me, but very rewarding when I am able to do it). Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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My Dear Star, Good thoughts and Sharing, and Great Quotes! Love and Regards. 🙂
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Hi Swami, Thank you so much and many blessings to you! 🙂
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🙂
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