Tag Archives: second date

Momentarily foggy, but not lost

23 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” ― Thomas Merton

I had a date on Saturday night.  He is 52 yrs old, never married, no kids and works in financial services.  He is very similar to me in a lot areas.  It was like I was meeting an old friend.  We talked and laughed non-stop.  He was the consummate gentleman. 

We will probably go on a second date, but I am not sure about chemistry.  I know we could be great as friends, but I am not sure if there are enough sparks for anything else.  We shall see…

“It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tired into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.” ― Martin Luther King Jr

In the meantime, I have been a little out of sorts the past few days.  I have been unable to complete any tasks.  I started at least 5 different blog posts and was unable to finish any of them.  Fingers crossed I finish this one.

I imagine I am not the only one going through this feeling of imbalance and uncertainty.  Never in a million years I expected this Covid-19 nightmare to last this long.  Now they are talking about this new virus mutation… what next?

Can someone please wake me up from this sci-fi nightmare? When will I be able to fly to Brazil and see my parents?  The fact that I cannot travel at will is really doing a number on me. 

My usual sense of urgency is on asteroids.  I keep thinking that I am wasting time and feeling unproductive.  The worst part is that instead of acting/doing, I feel frozen and without direction.

“Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities. Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being. As the great nineteenth-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, “He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.”  ― Jordan B. Peterson

I am well aware that I have no reason to complain or to feel anything other than blessed.  So please just ignore this momentarily loss of myself, purpose and meaning.  I guess in writing this I want to say that it is okay not to feel 100% happy 100% of the time. 

The key for me is to remember that unhappy moments come and go.  Nothing lasts forever, good or bad.  I have to learn to cope with those “in-between” moments without overdosing on sugar.

Thanks heavens that I do have healthier coping mechanisms.  My number 1 go to feel better action is to do a mental Gratitude list.  By number 3 on the list I am already feeling better.  There is so much for me to be grateful for.  This is an endless list.

“You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act. You simply don’t know what you believe, before that. You are too complex to understand yourself.” ― Jordan B. Peterson

The second thing I do that helps to ground and center me is to stop throughout the day and recite the H’onoponopono mantra to myself: I am sorry.  Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.  

Psychology Today describes Ho’oponopono as: The Hawaiian word ho’oponopono comes from ho’o (“to make”) and pono (“right”). The repetition of the word pono means “doubly right” or being right with both self and others. In a nutshell, ho’oponopono is a process by which we can forgive others to whom we are connected.

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.” ― Herman Melville

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian spiritual practice and literally means to “Set things right’. My simplistic view is that I am responsible for my actions, even if unintentional.  Without realizing, I hurt others. I become disconnected, I let my ego appear and be in charge.  Past mistakes continue to permeate through my life now and cause imbalance and create negative feelings. By asking for forgiveness and expressing gratitude, to no one in particular, but to everyone, I take accountability for my actions and I connect to others. 

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

When I say I’M SORRY, I acknowledge my errors, my part in anything wrong that happened to me and to others in the past.

When I say FORGIVE ME, I accept my role in those errors and I ask for forgiveness for my part in all. I recognize that I am responsible for everything I touch.

“Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.”
― Carl Gustav Jung

When I say THANK YOU, I show gratitude to all, to my ancestors, to myself.  I am grateful for everything, big and small. I am grateful to all.

When I say I LOVE YOU, I spread love to the world. I am in love with myself and with everything around me. I am in love with all the Universe presents me.

To you, today: I’m sorry, Forgive-me, Thank You, I love You! ♥♥♥

“Be drunk with Love, for Love is all that Exists”- Rumi

 

 

 

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Date Report

10 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Last night’s date was very short. It was a quick drink that almost didn’t happen.

Early in the day we had decided to meet at 7pm. Later on I told him that perhaps 7:30 would be better for me. I had a guy coming over to my apartment to dismantle my bed frame and throw it out so I was dependent on that guy’s timing. I told my date that I would confirm the time later.

Later on I texted confirming 7:30. Unfortunately I texted somebody else. I texted the bed guy. It was not until he was done with the job and was saying bye that he said: “by the way I got the 7:30 text”.

I checked my cell and confirmed I had texted the wrong person. I often do that. I need to pay more attention when texting. Actually when doing anything.

When I realized what I had done I texted him and explained. It was already 7 pm. He called me right away and said that it would take him 40 minutes to drive to my city and asked if it was still okay. I said yes.

Later he said he thought he was being stood up when I didn’t text earlier.

We met at 7:45pm in front of Modern Restaurant. He had forgotten his mask so he went back to the car to get it and asked me to wait. Instead of waiting I followed him. There were some bars near where his car was parked so I figure he didn’t have to walk back, we could just go to one of those.

I joked that I was afraid he was going to run so I followed him. Later at the bar when he got up to go to the bathroom he jokingly pointed out that he was leaving the car keys at the table so I didn’t have to worry that he would try to escape. I appreciate humor.

We went to New Roc Social Bar. We sat outside. It was chilly but I was dressed warmly so I was fine. He clearly didn’t know that it would be that cold, towards the end of the date he started shivering.

He had a Corona, I had a grapefruit martini that was so delicious. I think it was made with grapefruit vodka, Aperol, St. German and lemon.

The conversation flowed. We both like to joke so there was a lot laughs. We also talked about our families, work, future plans, etc.

When we finished our drinks he asked what I would be doing on the weekend and said: I would like to take you to dinner Saturday if you are free? I said yes.

When we said good night he said he would get in touch so we can plan Saturday’s dinner. It is now Friday afternoon and I haven’t heard anything yet.

I think the whole date lasted a little over 1 hour. It was long enough to decide that it would fun to see him again.

I went in with zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. Well, it is impossible to have zero expectations. I went in expecting a tough bike guy and met a sensitive funny one.

I am looking forward to the second date.

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov

The first date

20 Monday Jan 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“An open mind and a willing heart are the beginning of many a great adventure. Let’s get started.” Colleen Houck, Tiger’s Dream

M. is 56 years old and works in law enforcement. I like that he took charge and chose the location and time of the first date. He asked if I was okay with his choice or would like something else. I was fine with it.

We went to Chat 19 in Larchmont, NY, a place I have been to several times and enjoy. When I got there at 7pm he was waiting for me in the vestibule. We hugged hello, walked in and sat at the bar.

I had a passion-fruit mojito, he had red wine. We shared an appetizer of spring rolls. The conversation just flowed. We talked and laughed non-stop. We talked about everything.

If I was one of those people that paid attention to things I would be able to describe his clothing and shoes, but I am not, so I can’t. I know how he made me feel: comfortable, safe and wanted.

He mentioned that he never gets nervous but he was a little nervous at that moment – I could tell. He apologized if he was staring too much but he said couldn’t help himself because I was so beautiful.  He complimented my face and skin, and said I don’t look my age. He loved my small hands and said I could be a hand model. Even if he overdid a bit (or lot) I enjoyed receiving his compliments. There is no way that I could ever be a hand model, but it was fun to hear him say that.

The conversation about being a hand model led us to talk about our mutual love of Seinfeld. We both also love the movie Shawshank Redemption. We have similar tastes in a lot of things.

Then he brought up politics and the similarities ended.  I cringed. Lately it seems that is one topic that can make or break potential relationships. Turns out he voted for Trump. I mentioned that I didn’t and will not ever. We talked a little bit about our reasons, but quickly moved on from that subject.

We survived that topic.  I liked that he didn’t try to convince me of anything.  He was respectful and open minded.

Then a musical trio arrived at the restaurant and started playing. It was fun but it was loud so we listened to a few songs and headed out.

We walked towards my car holding hands. It felt natural and comfortable. We got to my car and as I said goodnight we leaned into each and quickly kissed on the lips.

I got in and started the car. I lowered my window, he leaned his head inside the car and kissed me again. After he moved away I pulled him back in and this time it was a longer kiss. I could kiss him the whole night.

We then said good bye and I drove home. Five minutes later he was already texting me to say thank you for the great evening and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. I felt the same way.

It was clear we liked each other. This is exciting and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

The second date is already tomorrow.  It is Martin Luther King’s day and I am off from work so we are going to have lunch before he goes to work. He works from 3pm to midnight.

Stay tuned…

“I want love, passion, honesty, and companionship… sex that drives me crazy and conversation that drives me sane.”― Steve Maraboli

Friends and dates and a kiss at the end.

02 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” – Mark Twain

On Saturday I met my doctor friend for brunch. As I mentioned before we dated a few times 2 years ago and then things fizzled.  Still every now and then we would talk or text.

After being too busy to meet the last few times he asked we met for brunch 2 weeks ago and it was fun.  After one week he called and invited me to brunch again.

We went to the restaurant we always go to. In the past we tried different ones only to decide that this is our favorite.  It was a Saturday and the place was quieter then on Sundays.

We were there from 12 to 4 pm. We drank a divine prosecco and talked about life. We challenge each other to think deeper and look further.  We talk about everything, self-improvement, family, fears, wants, ego, karma, etc.

At one point he put his hand on my leg near my knee. He asked if I was okay with that.  It may seem funny or weird, but I was okay with that.  I knew it would not go anywhere so it presented no danger or awkwardness to me.  I think the prosecco made him do it. I think the prosecco made me say ok.

At one point he was texting. I would normally not say anything to anyone about using their cell phone at the table, even if it bothered me but since we are always talking about being present and in the moment, I said:

Don’t you think you are being rude?

He apologized and said I was right and explained what he was texting about.  He turned his phone off for the rest of the lunch.

I think he and I have an easy friendship that I don’t intend to change into anything else, hand on my leg or not.

***

“There is very little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude.” – W. Clement Stone

On Sunday I met a graphic designer I met on Match. This was our first date.

We both got there 30 minutes early. Him by design, me because I thought the agreed time was 12:00 instead of the actual 12:30.

I had scrambled eggs and a coffee as I was still not able to eat a lot food.

He was handsome, nice, personable and smart. But I didn’t really feel an attraction, a connection.  Our lifestyle and life wants are different.  Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the differences in people but in this case it would frustrate me.

He is very laid back and I feel I would have to be the one in charge of the relationship. I have been the one in charge of relationships in the past and I don’t want to do it again.

I say that not as criticism of him but just to point out why I think we are not a match.

He said he liked me and said he wanted to go on a second date, but hasn’t called yet, which I find it is often the case.  I think he  and most guys, wants me to call them back or say something first. Sadly he will have to wait forever.

****

I have just returned from a date tonight.  He is a 34 year old Jewish accountant.  Yes I said 34!!! I am 51!! So there is a bit of age difference. He is recently divorced with no kids.

Of course I think our age difference is too much for a relationship but I didn’t think there was any harm in meeting for a drink.

We were going to meet at a rooftop bar but it was closed for a private event so we just crossed the street and went to a Cuban restaurant.

M. was fun, personable, and cute in a boyish way.  There were some hints of chemistry.  I had a passion fruit drink and appetizer of beef and fried yucca, and they were delicious.  After it, he walked me to the station.

On the way, suddenly, he stopped and kissed me.  I still have stitches in my gum from my surgery, still I welcomed the surprising gesture.

We will see each other again, if anything to just settle a bet.  We bet $5.00 on the Jet/Chiefs game on Sunday.  I picked the Chiefs.

“Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.” – Drew Barrymore

 

 

Dating in the age of Google

26 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”  – Meister Eckhart

I am excited about someone… and also scared.  Do you know how you have been wanting something for so long and then you get it and you start questioning if you really wanted it in the first place?

I think it is fear creeping in.  My life is good, predictable, comfortable.  My heart is right here where I can guard it.  Do I want to just hand it to someone else?  Do I want to chance it again?  Do I want to risk being cheated on, betrayed, my heart broken and my mind crippled?

I can see I already am in my “let’s find something wrong with this person”mode so that I can continue to be alone.   That involves infinite googling.  And I did. And I found. Not about him, but about a relative.  I decided to relax a bit, to take a day at a time, and not to hold him accountable for the sins of others.

We are from 2 completely different worlds, but it seems that we appreciate some of the same qualities, such as honesty and respect.  Even though I mostly have good to great dates, what made this date amazing was that immediately it was if we have been best friends forever.  Not only that, but there were sparks from the get go.

Our date was yesterday, Friday, St. Patrick’s Day.  We met at the corner of my work and from there we walked to a Korean Restaurant that was awesome.  It had a fun vibe and they had an amazing passion fruit drink.  We had so much fun there that we didn’t want the date to end.

From there we went to his apartment where dropped his bag off.  I never did that before and I don’t recommend it, but I knew this guy enough and knew I would have no issues going into his apartment.  And I didn’t.  We walked in he dropped his bag off, I went to the bathroom, and then we left.  We went to another 2 different bars/pubs and we danced and laughed.  Then he took me to the train station.  We said good bye dying to see each other again.

oh yeah, we kissed and the world seemed to stop.  I can’t wait for the second date.

“Don’t you long for something different to happen, something so exciting and new it carries you along with it like a great tide, something that lets your life blaze and burn so the whole world can see it?”  – JulietMarillier

The above was written the day following that date.  And here, a week later,  the story continues, or should I say, it ends:

After our mutual excitement to see each other he mentioned he would meet at the corner of my work like the first date unless he came up with other plans.

Then on the afternoon of the date he gave me the name of a Pub near my office to meet him.  The place was very loud and busy.  I got there 3 minutes after him and he already had a beer in his hand.  I ordered a drink, but I was thinking that we would eventually leave to go to a restaurant where we didn’t have to yell to talk to each other.

Slowly it dawned on me that this was the date.

Then he makes a point of telling me what a big lunch he had and that he will not eat anything the rest of day/night.   And I thought ours was a dinner date.

The whole vibe was off.  We managed to talk but it was not easy like the first date.

As the evening progressed I knew that was that last time I would see him.  There was a certain sorrow and sadness in that realization, mixed with relief and elation.

I am not sure what had changed, but it did. Perhaps I was already biased by what I found online about his relative (which he confirmed was true).  Perhaps it was the cheap beer and lack of food.  Perhaps because after talking more I realized that we don’t really want the same things in life and have different views about certain subjects.

Perhaps I have too many expectations, but I expected more from a guy that was dying to see me.   Specially after an amazing first date, I thought the second would be even better. I don’t mind cheap places and just meeting for a drink, but let me know that is the plan.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope

After being in this bar for over 2 hours, I had 2 small drinks and he had 6 beers.  He walked me to the train station.  We hugged good bye and he said it was an awesome date, and I said:  No it was not.  That seemed to shock him, but it shouldn’t have, after all he was there with me.

Still we have texted niceties since yesterday but that is it.  I had intentions of inviting him to go watch a friend sing tonight, but after last night it seems our worlds are farther apart then I had previously thought.

He is still a great guy, but not for me.  There wasn’t anything horrendous about his actions, and he will probably make another girl very happy. But to me the magic and chemistry was broken and I don’t think we can get it back. It is all about how a person makes you feel, and he made me feel irrelevant.

And then all of a sudden my heart is not going anywhere and I am surrounded by the comfort and safety of being alone again.

And the search continues…

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” – Hunter S. Thompson