“This is trouble with you. You think you want, you don’t think you want–always back and forth. Me, when I want, it is with whole heart. I look at wanted thing with eyes straight on. But you! Neither here nor there. Your looking always crooked, from side of eye. It has no power to hold. So wanted thing, it slip away from you.” ― Ruth Ozeki, My Year of Meats
I sit here in the space between dates 2 and 3 with the 65 year old attorney. But before I get to that place, let me tell you about the second date.
He called me and asked me out. There is not much texting with him. He is old fashioned that way. I said yes to the date and to him picking me up. He didn’t say where we were going. He just said it would be a nice restaurant. I like surprises so I didn’t mind not knowing.
At 5: 30 on Sunday he picked me up. He had a gift for me. When I opened the small pack, it was a bar of soap (see the pic at the end). He saw that I was confused and reminded me that I had joked about taking a shower for the date, or something like that. I don’t recall exactly what I said, but I guess it was funny and memorable to him. Bonus points for originality. I have gotten flowers, books, chocolate, and even bread as date gifts, but never soap.
The drive there took us to the area where I lived with the Ex. Being in that area brought back some memories. I am happy to report, that I was totally indifferent to the memories. The memories came, I acknowledged them, and even mentioned it to my date. Then as fast as they came, they went. It was just the past, something I lived and it was over. I didn’t feel sad or nostalgic.
“Man himself is so buffeted by shifts of thought and mood, not knowing from one day to the next what he truly feels, that a shifting earth is well-nigh the last straw.” ― Beryl Bainbridge, Master Georgie
After 40 minutes we arrived at Crabtree’s Kittle House Restaurant and Inn in Chappaqua NY. It is a gorgeous place, that was a bit hard to find in the dark as it is nestled in a residential area and a golf course.
To drink I had a sugar cane and blueberry cocktail. He had diet coke. He didn’t overdo this time with appetizers and desserts. For appetizer we had 2 dishes. One with mushrooms, grilled plums, red cabbage and butternut puree. The other was a Tofu taco bowl, it had black rice, tofu, pickled onions and some other greens. For the entrée I had the hanger steak with fries and a side of arugula with feta cheese. He had a vegetarian Sheppard’s pie. For dessert I had a chocolate and peanut butter crunch bar with coconut gelato. Everything was delicious.
The drive back was equally fun, with no lull in the conversation. We talked about family, vacations, etc. There is always a lot laughs. When he dropped me off at my building, I just reached over and hugged him goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.
I didn’t feel any romantic sparks, but he is so much fun to be with. A combination of smart conversation and plenty of humor. I spent Monday thinking about what to do if he asks me out again.
“I don’t do anything with my life except romanticise and decay with indecision” ― Allen Ginsberg
In the evening the phone rang. It was him. He asked if I would like to meet him on Friday in NYC for dinner and a Broadway show. I immediately said yes. How can I say no to a Broadway show with great company?
I like to think that he is enjoying spending time with me even if there is not romance in the future. Could there be something else eventually? Should I continue to go on dates with someone even if there are no sparks?
I normally say that chemistry is either there or not there. There is no creating it out of nothing. But a conversation I had earlier that day is making me rethink it. Perhaps there is some merit to going on more dates even if there are no sparks at the beginning.
“By dawn he had surrendered, gratefully, to the old inertia, the product of always seeing both sides of every question.” ― Robert Harris, Enigma
Earlier in the day I had exchanged messages with a potential date. He complained that women seem to make up their minds too fast without giving the relationship a chance to develop. He argued that there should be more than a few dates to see if there is chemistry or not. There should be more time invested in getting to know each other before moving on.
I explained my opinion about it. To me, if I know there will be nothing else other than friendship, it feels somewhat dishonest to continue going on dates. I feel I am wasting the other person’s time and energy. If I know that I only want friendship shouldn’t I just say that and move on? But what if I am wrong? What if feelings can develop?
The potential date stood firm on his opinion that one should get to know each other over several dates before making a decision. I guess he feels women haven’t given him enough of a chance in the past. He is supposed to reach out to schedule a date for some time this week.
For now I figure that 3 dates and an honest conversation will be enough to see if there should be more dates or not.
“If you don’t know which way to go in the middle of a bridge, you better enjoy the bridge! Sometimes the solution comes only when you give up the future and enjoy the present!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan