Last night (Monday, January 2nd, 2023) I had dinner with Mr. Sweet. He continues to be sweet and thoughtful. He drove from NYC to pick me up to go to dinner, and he brought bagels for my sister.
I am glad I said yes to dinner, even though I almost canceled to stay home and watch TV. The time apart had made me realize I didn’t miss him at all. It was great to confirm that he is definitely not the one for me, not now, not ever.
The last time I saw him was in October when we had gone to dinner in NYC with my sister and my friend. That night he repeated that he wanted to see “what is out there”. And that night time I finally understood it. I wrote about it here: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.com/2022/10/27/still-sweet-but-not-yet-the-one/
Last night I chose to go to Hinoki Restaurant in Greenwich, CT. It is a restaurant I have been to before and wanted to go back. The meal and drinks were delicious. To drink I had the Pornstar – Stoli vanilla vodka, passoa liqueur, passion-fruit puree and lime juice. Later I had a Lychee Martini – Japanese vodka, lychee puree and dry vermouth. He had a spicy drink, I don’t remember the name but it was good. To eat we shared: fried rice, chicken lettuce wrap, boneless short ribs and black cod with grilled endive. For dessert we shared lava cake with ice cream.
“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”
We got caught up on what we have been up to. He talked about a couple of trips he has taken. He asked about my mosaics. He talked a lot about dating. I was okay with that, since I am no longer interested in the role of being his girlfriend.
He is still like a kid in a candy store. It seems he is dating anyone that looks his way, or swipes right on him. I think he may have broken some record of the most dates in one week, or something like that. It feels a bit desperate and chaotic.
His divorce negotiations are about to start. The more we talked, the more I felt it was a good thing that we had not continued dating. Not only his divorce will probably take forever, he seems to have a lot of growing up to do. What appears quirky and cute, would annoy me to no end. It seems he has money, perhaps from his family, so perhaps that is why it seems he lacks ambition and job stability. That would make me nervous in the long run. I want a man with more of a sense of direction.
He wanted to talk about how we ended things last time. To me there was nothing to talk about. He felt he needed to apologize for leading me on. I said that apologies were not necessary, I was at fault for assuming things. I hadn’t felt sparks in a long time, and got caught up in it. That was a great lesson that I learned and it will help prevent heartaches in the future.
“I prefer to surround myself with people who reveal their imperfection, rather than people who fake their perfection.” ―
He said that he was hoping that I didn’t take this dinner invitation in a different way, meaning, he hoped I didn’t think it was a date. I assured him I did not, and I didn’t.
He then started telling me that I am so great, so beautiful, so smart, that he hopes I will find someone, etc. He added: ” I will see if I have any friends to introduce to you”. OMG, ouch, I just hate that.
I am fine if someone says: “you would be perfect for my friend/cousin, etc”. But to say I am going to look around for someone for you is just annoying, even offensive to me. As if having a boyfriend is such a necessity, like a job. It is not like I am asking him to do it. Am I the only that hates that?
My response to him was to start laughing, and I added: “Please, Please, don’t introduce me to anyone, I barely have time and motivation for the dates I find on my own.”
I also said: “I know I am a catch, and the right man for me will see it. The fact that you said you need to see what is out there says it all. I am not the one, and the world has not come to an end.”
That was just a blip in the evening. We do have a great time together. There is always a lot laughs. At times he seems a bit childish, and that is another trait that is now charming, but probably would drive me crazy later on.
Towards the end of the date he came clean and mentioned there was someone that he was excited about and getting serious with. I think he didn’t want to say it earlier for fear of hurting me. Once he realized I could care less if he is serious about someone or not, he felt free to mention it. I hope she is as excited about him as he is about her. I hope that, if that is the case, he stops dating every skirt he sees.
After dinner he drove me home and we hugged goodbye. He said he is a phone call away, and that we should meet up more often. I agreed, and said I would call him. I may or may not. Time will tell if this is a friend for life or not.
Speaking of being friends with guys on dating sites. My best friend, a guy I met on Plenty of Fish in 2015, will be moving into my building this month. He is great as a friend, let’s see how he is as a neighbor.
Tomorrow night I have a quick drinks date with a ski lover that likes Rumi. Sounds like a promising friendship, hopefully more.
“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” ―