Tag Archives: Dating

Beware of pretty packages…

24 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 45 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“They’ll try to make you forget who you are or try to make you ashamed. But you mustn’t forget and you mustn’t be ashamed.” ― Stephanie Dray, Lily of the Nile

It is amazing how life has a way of making us confront our beliefs and judgments making us doubt and second guess ourselves and in the process teaching us valuable lessons!

I met someone that on paper and, at first, in person seemed perfect.  He was younger than me by a few years.  He had a boyish charm that drew me in.  Our sense of humor matched perfectly.   He has a very high paying job that he conquered though hard work even though he is from a rich family. He was smart and witty.   For one day/night I got to be on his side and see how my life would be while in his arms.  I could already see the parties, fancy dinners, and only the best and high class all the way.  I could see myself being pampered not only with the finer things in life, but, most important, with attention and care.  I had a glimpse of it and I enjoyed it.  He was a perfect gentleman too, doors opened, chairs pulled, etc.  He also had a way of making me feel safe and totally at ease.  We had a great very long date and by all indications this was the first of many more amazing dates as he seemed to be as enamored of me as I was of him.  I should have already guessed that it was too good to be true.

Towards the end of the date he invited me to spend the next weekend together.  I said yes immediately.  This time I was not thinking of “too much too soon” as I did with the last guy…go figure!  I cannot figure myself out, so I don’t expect you to understand why for one guy I want to slow everything down and for another the speed of light doesn’t seem fast enough.  I blame it on my crazy heart.

“Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it a bit because of someone’s version of your reality is not their reality.” ― Shannon L. Alder

As he was describing how much fun the weekend  was going to be with dinners, swimming, spa treatments, he mentions something almost under his breath.  I almost failed to hear while embedded with all the other activities.  I ask for clarification as I am hoping my ears are betraying me. But no, I heard correctly, part of this amazing weekend would involve drugs.  And he was not talking weed, but something more potent.

While I try not to be judgmental and I try to respect people’s opinions and choices they make for their lives,  getting involved with drugs is not what I want for my life.  I have witnessed the destruction that can cause in people’s lives.  And just recently I have been guilty of judging a close friend that I suspect is involved with drugs.  I said to someone: “I don’t get how he got involved with this at this age.  He is old enough to know better.”

So here I am, old enough to know better, and yet still contemplating such an endeavor.

“Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self esteem.” ― Kurt Cobain

I am embarrassed to say that I didn’t immediately disagree with everything he was saying.  He was so matter of fact about it, as if he was talking about having dessert.  I didn’t say no, I was just trying to find a way in which that would be okay.  I was considering it.  I have to be completely honest that for a second I thought what if I tried only once?  We parted ways with him thinking I was cool with it, with me thinking perhaps but knowing full well in my heart and mind that there was no way I would put myself in a situation to be around drugs, let alone use it.  That lifestyle is not for me.  I am perfectly happy without adding extra dramas to my life.  I am already high on life and its infinite possibilities.  I am trying more and more to be present in the now, so the last thing I want to do is to use drugs to get away form the present moment.  My life is great, I am not in pain, so I don’t need to numb my feelings and get away from my head.  I don’t have any problems that I need help forgetting, all I have are opportunities.

This situation showed me how tempting and how vulnerable I can be.  I am sure life threw me this curve ball to make me more respectful and less judgmental of other people’s situation, because I never know when I will be put in a similar situation and perhaps not have the power to make the right decision. It also showed some weak areas that I need to work on.

“Drug misuse is not a disease, it is a decision, like the decision to step out in front of a moving car. You would call that not a disease but an error of judgment.” ― Philip K. Dick

This afternoon with a clear mind I texted him and got it all out of my chest and canceled the weekend date. It felt good to tell him exactly how I felt.  I did feel old fashioned and close minded for a second when he asked questions about my decision. I didn’t expect him to try to change my mind and he didn’t.  I am glad that he mentioned this lifestyle right away.  Well I think it would have been better if he had mentioned on his profile so that he would attract only the kind of people interested in the same thing. But at the same time I don’t regret meeting him.

The lesson here is: “Not all that glitters is gold!” From all the guys I ever dated and, pretty much all the men I know, I would vote him least likely to be involved with drugs.  So this has been a huge wake up call.

Another thing I learned is that one has to be always watchful because you never know when temptation will knock on your door.  The knock will always be an opportunity, an opportunity to show strength.

So from now on I will make a point of asking potential dates if they are into drugs.

I do feel enriched by the experience, I feel happy that it happened, I feel proud that I stood up to what I believe in and made the right choice for me!

In the end the choice was easy and clear!

“I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.” ― Salvador Dalí

from burnt toast to wedding toast

08 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 33 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.” ― Śāntideva

Sometimes I feel my mind is too small to fit in all I need /want to do.  I fear things will spill out and get forgotten and never done.  It is a weird feeling, but that is my life at this moment…so much to do, so little time, so little money, and no control over anything.  So many obstacles… people not doing their job, mishandled orders, parts broken, appointments missed, appointments never scheduled, car not starting, keys lost … but also tiny little blessings at every corner, keys found 🙂

“I may do some good before I am dead–be a sort of success as a frightful example of what not to do; and so illustrate a moral story.” ― Thomas Hardy

On Thursday my multi-tasking, or perhaps my lack of focus, cost the office our beloved toaster.  I put a couple of slices of bread in it and went on to do a few (several) other things (mistake #1).  All of a sudden someone yells “something is burning”.   I ran to the kitchen and opened the oven door (mistake #2) and flames just shoot out.  The next few seconds was a blur of panic.  Everyone failed to see the extinguisher a foot away.  One co-worker unplugged the toaster while the other threw containers of water on it.  In the mean time I looking around looking for a blanket or something like that to extinguish the flames, but all I see is paper towels (no, not mistake # 3).

I am happy to report that besides a dead toaster, a wet kitchen, a tiny little burn on my finger (I am not sure how I got it) and being the butt of many jokes the whole day, all is well.  Yesterday, Friday (Bagel Day in the office) was just not the same without the toaster.  I will buy another one, but I am now looking for one that has some kind of alarm or shut-off button.  Any suggestions?

This is both a warning sign and a lesson.  Let’s hope I did learn something and will not make the same mistake again.  I seriously doubt it… as I write this I am chatting with a Sears representative  online, I am doing a company Census, e-mailing the accountant and texting my date for tonight.  I need to learn to do one thing at a time and see it to completion before moving on to a new task.

***

“Maybe we are running from something because we don’t want to find out what we are running from” ― Iva Marija Bulić

Updating my previous post: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2015/01/29/miss-fearless-is-terrified/

The man in question, I will call him Mr. TV agreed to slow things down.  It was either that or never see me again – so he chose the first.  We are going out tonight.  I am coming to the conclusion that the reason why I am rejecting him is because he wants me so much.  In his eyes I can do no wrong.  It is what I want, when I want.  It makes me think of Grouch Marx when he said: “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me”.

We shall see where this will go… For now I am controlling my need to run away for now.

***

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel

Remember my first date after the break up?  https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/05/29/first-e-harmony-date/

He got married!  Yes, I have to admit that for a second I had the thought “it could have been me”.   He is a wonderful guy with a love for learning and traveling, 2 things that are near and dear to my heart.  I see pictures of the happy couple gallivanting around the globe and I do feel a twinge of jealousy.  But, the truth is I am very happy for him.  It seems he found the right person for him.  He and I were not a match, so no matter how unbelievable the life he could have offered me was, it would never make me or him happy.

The crazy part:  I was invited to the wedding celebration to be held in March in Atlanta!

The crazier part:  I am going!

It would be easier to decline the invitation, but I was never a fan of taking the easy route. I thought for awhile about what his invitation meant and what my accepting it meant.  I realize that I do not need to impart any serious meaning or ulterior motive to an invitation for a happy event.  Why must we always complicate everything?

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ― Helen Keller

I will never have sex again!

16 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 49 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“Love can only be found through the act of loving.”
― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

I can’t take this song out of my mind for the past few days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCykaPjrCWE

No, I am not depressed, but sometimes I am concerned. Love seems to be eluding me.   I continue to meet some nice guys, but the chemistry is never there.  There are no sparks!

Currently I am dating a math professor, but I think I will not see him again.  I gave it 3 dates and I think that it was enough to see if there were any sparks.  He is a great guy, everything about him is good, except my heart is telling me he is not the one.  There are no fireworks or butterflies in my stomach.

He will be pretty disappointed when I tell him that there will be no romance in our future.  I have been honest with him since the first date, I have told him that I was confused and thought something was missing. He thinks I am amazing, smart and fun.  He is all that too, but that is not enough, or is it?

“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive–I’ll find love again.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

I think I came really close to finding the One (or the one good enough to have sex with) twice in the past 3 years since the break up.  I have felt that excitement of a new relationship complete with fireworks, sparks, the whole kit and caboodle.  Unfortunately those 2 relationships never got off the ground.  Perhaps I imagined them because they both were improbable.

The first guy lived too far, like in across the map.  I was convinced that love would conquer all.  He remained unconvinced, no matter how many inventive ways I came up with to change his mind. Unfortunately the friendship I thought we had disappeared almost as fast as it came.  I still don’t understand it, but respect his choice.

The second guy lived close but was way too young.  He was mature beyond his years, but we both agreed that we were at different stages in life.  We rarely see each other but we have become great friends always keeping in touch and checking on each other via calls and text.

The professor and I in 3 dates managed to go to a Soul Food restaurant, to an awesome wine bar/bistro, to a sports bar.  We played billiards and ping pong.  He won in billiards and I was the victor in ping pong.  We also saw Interstellar on Imax. The movie was not really my cup of tea but the experience was awesome.

The search and the fun continues, as I do enjoy meeting new people and going on dates.  The only thing about not finding sparks and fireworks with anyone again is that at this rate I will never have sex again!  There I said it! 🙂

Sex without love? hummm, perhaps… Sex without sparks? Impossible!!

“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.” ― Paulo Coelho

“I’ll Never Fall In Love Again”

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again
What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he’ll never phone ya
I’ll never fall in love again
Don’t you know that I’ll never fall in love againDont’ tell me what’s it all about
‘Cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind youWhat do you get when you fall in love?
You only get a life of pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love again
No, no, I’ll never fall in love againI’m out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind youWhat do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love again
Don’t you know that I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Feeling a bit misunderstood :-(

26 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 38 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

The view from my family's home

The view from my family’s home

I am back and happy to be back!   People think I am crazy when I say I am happy to return from vacation.  I love going away on vacation and seeing my family and all the fun stuff that it entails, but I also love coming back home.  I love my routine, my bed, my life.

In Brazil I mostly stayed with family and saw a few old friends.  No partying or travelling to the beach.  The purpose of the trip was to be with my father and I did that.  I am extremely happy and also relieved that he is doing so well.  I love my family and feel so immensely blessed by them and the opportunity to spend time with them.

Now I am back and picking up where I left off.  Being with my family in Brazil highlighted what I already knew: I cannot date someone that is not respectful of my belief in God and all Godly related things.  My Dad’s recovery from a potentially deadly infection/gangrene has been nothing short of a miracle.  How can I not believe in the power of something bigger than I am?

I will write more about my trip but for now I will just mention something that my sister said that has been stuck on my mind.  Even though we have been living apart for almost 30 years she is still the person that knows me the best. Or so I thought. So her opinion really matters to me.

“I’m standing in misunderstanding. I must have just stepped in it.” ― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

I was telling her about my latest dating adventure (speed dating) when she told me that it seemed that I am desperate for a boyfriend just to say that I have a boyfriend.  I was shocked that she thought that.   I respect her opinion but it cannot be further from the truth.  There has been plenty of opportunities for me to have a boyfriend if all I wanted to do was say I have a boyfriend, but I am interested in more.  I want it all, and yet all I want is simple.  I just want the company of someone that makes my heart sing.  And so far my heart has been silent.

My sister never read my blog even though she was the first one I told about it.  She said she thought I didn’t keep it up.  I was disappointed about that.   Maybe she is reading it now, or maybe not!  Do I have a history of not seeing things through?  Perhaps she thinks that too.  But anyway, that is not the point.  The point is that her comment made me think of you: you my reader and my friend.  Do you think I am dying for a boyfriend just to say I have a boyfriend? Do you care either way?

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” ― Anaïs Nin

I would hate to be thought of as “that girl”, you know, the one desperate for a boyfriend, the one that cannot live without a man!  I am more than somebody looking for a boyfriend and would hate to be seen as only that.  Perhaps I need to change my writing.  Perhaps I should talk more about the other areas of my life.  Perhaps I should forget about dating for awhile, or at least stop talking about it.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. ontgomery, Emily’s Quest

I started this blog because of a broken heart so it is fitting that this blog is mostly about my heart.  Also my dating adventures seem to be more interesting than other details about my life.  I always like to focus on the fun and positive.  Why should I talk about how much I am spending in my father’s medical bills or the fact that my tenant is 2 weeks late with the rent check when the dating trials and tribulations are more fun?

Perhaps I should do nothing different at all.  I should continue to be me.  Is it important what others know and think about me or is it enough that I know who I am and what I am about? Truth is I don’t really care what others think of me, but it is hard when their view is so opposed to the truth.

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

How do I want you to see me?  It is really very simple, I just want you to get that I am real and honest, flawed and yet unbelievably perfect!  I did make it a mission of mine to be more aggressive and more active in finding a mate so I have to be able to take the comments in regards to that, and must not be hurt if the opinions differ from mine.   Leaving things to chance never suited me, even though I know and respect that things will happen if and when they are meant to happen.  I know the Universe conspires to bring me what I need, but nowhere it is written that I have to just sit and wait.

“Nothing happens until something moves.” ― Albert Einstein

I just want to be ready for the opportunity when it comes.  I want to put myself out there. I want soak life and all its beauty.  Even though my posts may not reflect it, I have grown immensely the last couple of years, and the people that I have met and dated have been instrumental to that growth.

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.” ― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

The truth is it would be really easy to sit here and write about something else and pretend dating is not one of my priorities/goals, but that would be manipulative and dishonest – two things that I am not!

So the verdict is in (I am that fast!!), I will continue the dating thing (and writing and talking about it) until I get sick of it and not because others are sick of reading/hearing about it.    So please keep coming back and reading.  Your comments have been enlightening, humorous and supportive.  You make me feel loved and valued as human being.  Your words really make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! In the end if you see me as “that girl” so be it, I can take it!

Never too old to make a mistake and learn a new lesson!

30 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by in Dating, Finding Me

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

Zinful Sangria

Zinful Sangria

“Looking at the past is like lolling in a rocking chair. It is so relaxing and you can rock back and forth on the porch, and never go forward. ” ― Martha Graham, Blood Memory

Last night I met someone that I had dated for a few months 7 years ago.  Even though we were compatible and had fun the relationship ended because he mentioned that his family would not accept me because I was 10 years older than he was. I appreciated his honesty but I felt offended and decided to stop seeing him.

This week we reconnected on LinkedIn and decided to have dinner together.  I knew before meeting that I had no interest in revisiting the past and this was just going to be a platonic relationship.  I have a feeling that he thought it could be more since we are both single at this time.

“A ship does not sail with yesterday’s wind.” ― Louis L’Amour, The Walking Drum

We went to a Latin Fusion restaurant and the food and drinks were delicious.  We talked like old friends.  He did not recall the breakup the way that I did.  He now says that the age difference is meaningless.  As the evening wore on I confirmed my feelings of not wanting to revive a relationship.

But here is my big mistake: We kissed at the end of the evening, not only once but a bunch of times.  I am not sure what I was doing/thinking.  I knew I didn’t want anything with him, but I am guessing I was curious to see if there were any sparks left. There weren’t enough and still I kept kissing him.  Today I am totally embarrassed and angry at myself for leading him on. I need to make sure not to repeat this stupidity!

It is amazing how something that seems so good at one point now feels completely wrong for me.  What did I see in him? He is a nice guy and all, but that is it.  I guess the 10 year age difference is now even more apparent. We are at two different places in life.

“It’s important not to be embarrassed by your past. The contradictions are part of what we are.” ― Richey Edwards

The worst part is that because of the kissing this guy now thinks we should date again. I am going to wait for when he asks me out again, then I will tell him how I feel. I am hoping that after a few days has passed he will feel the same way I do.

I had no business seeing this person again as I don’t think that we will really add anything to each other’s lives going forward.  Also it was one of those relationships that are unremarkable and I really didn’t feel that there was anything left to be said or asked so I am not sure why I wanted to see him again.  Sheer curiosity I guess!

Lessons learned! Leave the past in the past.  Embrace the future, new things and people. Make new mistakes! Stop being such a flirt.  I smile too much, talk too much, get too familiar too quick.  Excessive friendliness can lead people on.

“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That’s all.” ― Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories

****

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw

An update on my last post regarding the guy that I will name “The Snuggler”: I said I would not date him again and guess what?  We went to dinner and dancing on Saturday.  I guess this change of mind is my effort to be more open minded and give people a chance.  It is also a testament to his tenacity.

It was a lot fun! He said sorry about the “miscommunication” and behaved impeccably.  We danced to everything from Latin to Hip Hop. I love dancing!

Then on Sunday he called and asked if I wanted to meet him at a park near his home.  He takes his dog swimming there. (I love people that loves animals). I chose not to go.  I wonder if my unwillingness to drive 40 minutes to meet him means that I am not that interested.

Well, I guess I am guarded and taking my time. This week we texted a couple of times.  I am not sure what will happen if he asks me out again.  I will see how I feel at that moment. Perhaps the realization that I am totally indifferent about him asking me out again or not is a good clue to how I feel about him.

“I find I am much prouder of the victory I obtain over myself, when, in the very ardor of dispute, I make myself submit to my adversary’s force of reason, than I am pleased with the victory I obtain over him through his weakness.” ― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

 

Blessings and an almost love connection….

23 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol and Other Christmas Writings

Life has been BBB –  Busy, Beautiful and ever so Blessed!

DAD – My dad has been home after 2 weeks in the hospital.  The doctors said that it would take 6 months for him to fully recover, but I am happy to say that my dad is recuperating at an incredible speed!  The doctors are amazed!  I am relieved and happy!

TRIP TO BRAZIL – I am going home to see my family!! yippie!!  Yesterday was a bit crazy at work so it was hard to concentrate on the trip details but by the end of the day I had settled on a date and reserved the tickets but decided to sleep on it and make a final decision today.  So today when I went to make the purchase I realized that the date I had chosen was September 11.  I am shocked that the significance of that date had not hit me yesterday.  I am not sure how I feel about flying on September 11.

Well, Just now I finalized the purchase.  September 12 it is! So I guess now we all know how I feel about flying on 9/11.

HIP – My hip is acting up again.  It started when I tried taking tennis lessons again.  Right now I am doing the Brazilian way; I am ignoring it and hoping that it goes away by itself.  But seriously, I will need to go back to physical therapy, but I will deal with that when I return from my trip. I may be hanging my tennis racket for good.  But not my skis, never!!

WORK – Busy, busy, busy!  Enough said!

DATING – Dating has been an adventure.  The best part of it all is how I have been handling it.  I have been laughing at the bad experiences and cherishing the good ones.  I have made new friends.  This has been such an amazing learning and growing time.  This whole experience is showing me more and more what I need, want and deserve.  I am not willing to settle.  I am fine with compromise but I am not willing to put up with less than what I am willing to give in return.

“Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.”
― Mother Teresa

I am still amazed at the attitude and behavior of some men, well some people really.  They are so short sighted, looking for immediate gratification and not long lasting happiness.

The other evening I had a great date.  It was the first time in a long time where there were sparks!  He seemed great, smart, professional, a great kisser (yep we kissed on the first date), and good looking. I normally never fall for looks, but this person seemed to have it all.  I saw the potential and didn’t hide it.

As expected he contacted me right away after the date saying he had a great time.  Next day he starts texting me and instead of asking me out on a proper date he hints he wants to come over to my apartment and “snuggle”.  When I mentioned that he was going too fast he tried to make me feel bad and childish.  He mentioned we would just snuggle.  I felt like asking him:  How old are you? 15? Do you think I am going to fall for that?

“sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

For a moment I felt as if there was something wrong with me and perhaps I was being too immature and too suspicious.  I also felt that perhaps I shouldn’t have kissed him on the first date and let him know that I liked him.  I am glad to say that those feelings lasted for about a second.  I realized he was just trying to go for a quick shag and was not relationship minded.

I often say that I never blame a man for trying, so I still don’t blame him but he was just dumb.   He knew I liked him and we could have had a fun relationship, yet his rush to get physically intimate made him lose out on the long run.  Now  we will never know what the future could have look like.

“But when a woman decides to sleep with a man, there is no wall she will not scale, no fortress she will not destroy, no moral consideration she will not ignore at its very root: there is no God worth worrying about.”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

Of course when I set him straight he started backpedaling and telling me I misunderstood him, but by then the damage was already done.  I have said no to seeing him again. (true story, he just called now and wants to take me out to dinner tonight. answer is still no)  He did me a favor by showing me his intentions right away. Also this was a good test to see how much I liked him, and I certainly didn’t like him enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I like snuggling, affection, intimacy, sex, as much as the next person.  Well, I am a healthy, young, vibrant Brazilian woman who hasn’t gotten any in a long time, so perhaps I like it a little more than most right now 🙂  but I am not willing to forget my morals and what I want for my life.  I got to be able to look in the mirror in the morning and respect the face I see looking back at me.

I am not judging anyone that has one night stands or casual relationships.  I kind of envy people that can be that free with their bodies and themselves. But I know I can’t! And you know what?  I think I am proud of that! 🙂

It is not rejection, it is kindness!

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 46 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

My dating life is slow again.  There are potentials but then for one reason or another it just fizzles out.  We never get to go on a first date.  The last one was this guy that seemed like a great match for me.  We had exchanged emails so great that I was tempted to copy and paste on my blog.  Then, all of a sudden, nothing, just a deafening silence!

It is a mystery to me why somebody engages in conversation and/or long emails, seems all interested and then all of a sudden they disappear.  No “good bye”, no “I changed my mind”, nothing!

In the past I would have emailed/called and questioned them.  In the past I would have needed closure.  I would have spent countless hours analyzing and searching for answers.  Now I just think to myself: “Thank you”.  This acceptance is one of the benefits of experience, pain and growth.

I realize that knowing the answer wouldn’t change the fact that the person has chosen to go away. I now try to devote my time to more worthwhile activities instead of dissecting a futile situation.  I am still baffled but I know better than to look for answers where there is none that will make it okay for somebody to just walk away without a word.

All I know, and the most important lesson here,  is that whatever reason they chose to walk away it has nothing to do with me.   It is about them and what is going on in their lives.

I actually decided to take this it as an act of kindness.  They realized that we wouldn’t work out in the long run and they decided to go away and leave the path free for another person that will be better suited for me. How awesome is that? Heartache averted!!

I take this opportunity now to thank every person that comes into my life for the lessons and experiences.  I thank the ones that choose to stay, but I thank the ones that choose to leave even more!

I realize I am not for the faint of heart.  I can be aggressive and not afraid to speak my mind.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Therefore, it will take time to find the right person for me, the person that will find that a good thing and will not be intimidated. I am searching for a needle in a haystack, but I am never afraid of impossible propositions.  It will make the rewards that much sweeter.

Each guy that walks away leaves the path clear for the right guy to come along. Each guy that leaves means progress, one person closer to the right person. Each experience is also making me enjoy more my single life and realize how awesome it is.

Today I am celebrating this new improved me!  Here is for a healthy attitude adjustment!  It is not what happens to me,  it is how I perceive it and how I react to it!!

“These are the few ways we can practice humility:
To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
To mind one’s own business.
Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
To avoid curiosity.
To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
To pass over the mistakes of others.
To accept insults and injuries.
To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.
To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
Never to stand on one’s dignity.
To choose always the hardest.”
― Mother Teresa

Where there is Faith, all is not lost!

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me, Food

≈ 31 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

How do I move on from a mistake?  That is the question that has been the topic of most of my thoughts lately. I am not talking about Ex, relationships mistakes or anything like that.  on a side note, I am getting up and doing a happy dance right now for realizing that Ex no longer populates my thoughts and controls my actions. Has the big day finally come that I am free from him?  oh I smell another topic coming. lol

I am talking about little daily actions that amount to big disappointments.  I am talking about little mistakes that normally would not mean much, but it accumulates to the point of disaster.  I am talking about my actions in regards to diet and exercise lately.  It has been a roller-coaster of little accomplishments and broken promises. I am talking about

I normally say I am the easiest and most forgiving person on myself, but lately I am wondering if the opposite is not more of the truth.  My little sabotaging ways could actually signal that I don’t really like myself.  Otherwise, why persist on behavior that is damaging to myself?

Last night I had a cupcake the size of my head and didn’t exercise.  I had had half a huge cupcake and immediately was mad with myself.  The smart and right thing to do was to say to myself: ok, that was not smart, but it is not the end of the world. Now get up and do at least a few minutes on the elliptical or go for a walk, something active.  But NO,  what I did was to feel miserable and to feel like all had gone to hell in a hand-basket.  And since all had gone to hell I may as well have the rest of the cupcake. So I did, while sitting on the couch and watching TV.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – ― Gautama Buddha

I seem to be having more and more episodes like that, where I know what I should do but I don’t do it. Are those the actions of someone that loves themselves?  It doesn’t seem so.  I am not saying I don’t love myself, I do, well I hope I do.  I am saying that I need to look more into my actions and their consequences.

All of a sudden I seem to have embarked into this love affair with food.  What is up with that?  I always loved sugar, but now that love is out of control, and it has traveled beyond the usual chocolate, it seems I am attracted to anything unhealthy.  It is becoming an obsession.

I overeat or eat something that is not good for me, then I promise myself to do better next day and what do I do the next day?  I repeat this damaging pattern. I keep doing it again, not exactly the same actions, but the same results. I will overindulge in some calorie laden treat and then no exercise or exercise very little. The result has been disatrous. I see it on the scale and in my mood and attitude.  I have returned to tennis lesson despite my nagging hip, but 1 hour a week of real sweat can hardly do anything to counter the effects of sitting on my behind the whole day at work.

“It’s not worth our while to let our imperfections disturb us always.” -― Henry David Thoreau

This is clearly a case of emotional eating.  I will have a nice delicious meal of salmon, brown rice and broccoli and then immediately after, when I know I am not hungry, I will be looking for a snack. Why?

I am trying to look into it deeper than to just think that I am in a lazy rut and need to snap out of it.  I am thinking that this is perhaps a defense mechanism.  Perhaps if I get fatter and hate my body so much I will feel too ashamed to ever be naked in front of anyone.  If I am too embarrassed to be naked in front of someone than I will avoid actually meeting someone.  Is this a warped way that my mind has found to protect my heart?

Clearly I am full of theories but have no answers.  But I have powerful allies on my side: the gift of faith and redemption. We have been blessed with the continuity of life, with the gift of life.  With each new breath we can reinvent and recreate ourselves.  Each new morning presents a new opportunity to try again.  We don’t have to be stuck on the mistakes of the past.  This crazy cycle doesn’t have to continue.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ― Maya Angelou

I just need to get into my head that one little misstep doesn’t mean the battle is over.  I just need to put one foot in front of another, hold my head high and move forward.  I shall not feel disheartened by steps backwards either.  Sometimes we need one or more steps backwards to shake us out of our comfort zone, to wake us up.

This was a very hard post to write.  Harder still to post it.  I am a very strong Aries woman, I feel blessed and I choose to be happy.  I have it all together, for the most part.  I have a life that many would envy, so to acknowledge weakness is painful.  But, as they say in AA, acknowledging I have a problem is the first step.  So hello All, I have an issue with food!  Now I get to raise my sleeves and get to work in dealing with it.  I now get to prove what I am really made of.

The people that have a normal, healthy relationship with food may not understand this post, me and my weakness with food, the same way I don’t quite grasp people with issues with alcohol and drugs or perhaps an abusive relationship. I have never tried drugs, I am perfectly content with just one glass of wine and the moment somebody raises their voice or hand I am out of there. It seems so easy to say:  Just don’t do it, just stay away from it! But it is not that simple, we are all addicts, we just use different drugs to numb our pain.  For some reason or another we let something, some substance to control us.

But what is this pain? What is this hunger?  How do I find its source and go about conquering? Slowly, one breath at a time, with stumbles and falls and with the grace and help from God(Universe, Light, Powerful Being, etc)

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. – Mother Teresa

 

A snob is out and about

23 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Life continues to be amazing!  I am just so happy to be alive and to be able to continue to remain upbeat and positive even when facing adversities,  no matter how big or small.  A positive attitude makes all the difference.  Even a forced smile can change a day around.  I fell like welcoming challenges so I can rise upon them (yes I am crazy like that some times)

After Mom left I spent a couple of quiet weeks, now I am back trying to get out of the house.  I am just so content staying in my apartment that sometimes it takes a real effort to get out of the house. I love having all the curtains closed, I love the dark.  Even I find that strange for someone as upbeat as me.  I find safety in the dark.

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” – Shawshank Redemption

In the past several days I have hardly been home though.  I have seen Kinky Boots on Broadway.  I thought the show could have been a little better.  Then again, I have seen a lot shows and have high expectations.  After I that I had dinner at Triomphe, a French restaurant.  The food was great, but not amazing.  I wouldn’t go back based on the food alone.  The staff and service were impeccable, so I would definitely go back based on that.  I think truffle oil is over rated!

I went to Jazz Standards and saw the Steven Kroon Sextet. They were awesome and extremely talented.   Before the jazz I had dinner at Blue Smoke, the BBQ place next door. The ribs were delicious.  I could have the Warm barbecue Potato Chips with blue cheese and bacon dip every single day of my life (and I don’t even care for blue cheese) – they were crazy good.   I was a bit disappointed when the dessert menu came. I noticed that the Sticky Toffee Pudding cake was absent.  The waiter explained that they take it off of the menu for the summer. 🙂 I was so disappointed I decide not to get anything.  Oh well, I guess I have to go back in the winter!

I also had dinner at a few different restaurants in my town.  All different cuisines: Mexican, Peruvian, Italian and Indian.  All awesome and within walking distance from my apartment.  I am a lucky girl!  My outings were a combination of entertaining clients, being with friends, and dates.

“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.” ― Rita Rudner

There were 3 dates in total. All 3 very different from each other but all great guys.  I didn’t click on a romantic level with any of them.  I wouldn’t mind seeing them again as friends, but nothing else.

At my last date I found out I can be a snob.  My date chose to skip the knife and use his fingers to scoop the food onto the fork.  That annoyed me.  But…I am pmsing big time so every little thing annoys me. I think that if we had clicked perhaps I would have been more forgiving.  Perhaps I should stay away from meeting new people in the middle of PMS.

I felt really bad for being so focused on that and not on the real important things!  I should be looking in the qualities that matter…and I know what they are!  Instead all I can remember about the date was his way of using the utensils! I used this opportunity to look at my own way of eating.  After all it is normally the case that we are guilty of hating in others what we ourselves are guilty of doing.   Truth is I love touching my food and don’t mind picking things up with my fingers (I do use a knife though when necessary though, and don’t push food on the fork with my fingers).

“A judgmental heart keeps listening to the things that annoy.” “― Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Another thing that came to mind is that perhaps I am, once again, trying to sabotage possible relationships.  Am I looking for things wrong so I don’t have to get involved again?  I say I want a relationship, but do I really? Why didn’t we click?  He was the guy that I had the most fun with, did I choose not to click?

I am so comfortable alone. I have been enjoying my freedom so much.  I am also thinking I am going as far as avoiding exercising and I am eating all the wrong stuff so that those pesky 10/15 extra pounds continue to stay around and ward off potential mates.  Who wants to be naked in front of a new guy with extra pounds?? Not me!!

And the learning and growing continues…

Here is to becoming aware of and confronting our actions,  patterns and emotions that may be holding us back!

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

 

 

Jealousy, Happiness or something else?

11 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Hi friends, It has been a longer than usual…Where do I start?  Life happens… good and bad, and all I can do is manage the very little I have control of.  I realize, more and more, the need to speak less and listen more.  It seems that will be the path to my personal wisdom. My impulsive mouth gets me in trouble every time.

Moving on… Work is chaotic at times, but I realize that is when I am more productive.  Reigning over chaos makes me feel powerful.

Mom is in town, which means more of everything, more eating, more shopping, more watching TV.  Did I mention more eating?

Having Mom in town has been great for dating, and I am not being sarcastic.  It has been a great tool to weed out some of the potential dates out.  If someone cannot wait 3 weeks or less to meet me, how great a partner are they going to be for me? I am not saying they are not great, but the person for me will understand that I have a limited time with my mother and I am choosing to put her first over somebody I didn’t even meet yet.

Speaking of dating, 3 ghosts from the dating past have resurfaced.  One called wanting to check if I still had the same work number – he announced he got married.  The second wrote wishing me a happy birthday – he announced he just got engaged.  The third wrote to tell me that he has met someone and they have been dating for a couple of weeks.  I am not sure why he felt the need to write and tell me that, perhaps he wanted to share his happiness or perhaps he wanted to tell me I missed out.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about all those ghosts from the “not so far past” being happily coupled.   Originally when I heard from all 3 in the space of 2 days I confess I felt a hint of jealousy.  Then on the next second I thought to myself, shouldn’t I be happy, or perhaps even relieved? I am the one that decided not to continue to date, or even to start dating them.  My feelings haven’t changed.  They are all great guys, but not great for me.  So in the end, I am choosing to be happy that they are happy.

Perhaps the real question here is:  Will there be a great guy for me, or should I settle for a great guy period? Perhaps my heart is stuck on that one “great”(and I use the term loosely) guy that is now known as Ex, and I am blind to everyone else?

“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” ― Sholem Asch

I still continue to struggle with thinking of him.  The absurdity of such situation is not lost on me.  It will be 3 years soon.  When will I stop thinking of all those happy moments?  When will I not get so sad that I was so easily replaced? I am happy and content with my single life, or am I not and just fooling myself? Now that my Mom is here I catch myself mentioning his name more and more.  I actually told her that she is allowed to slap me on the mouth if I ever say his name again.  She agreed. I am happy to say that I have not been hit yet! 🙂

When will my heart understand what my mind and soul already knows?  That part of my life is over and done with.  There were great moments, but in the end that it is all that it was: great moments.  I am deserving of more and better.  I am deserving of always and forever.

The forgiving part was easy; the forgetting part has been a battle.  I am persistent and this war is not over yet.

“Without forgetting it is quite impossible to live at all.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche