Hi friends, It has been a longer than usual…Where do I start? Life happens… good and bad, and all I can do is manage the very little I have control of. I realize, more and more, the need to speak less and listen more. It seems that will be the path to my personal wisdom. My impulsive mouth gets me in trouble every time.
Moving on… Work is chaotic at times, but I realize that is when I am more productive. Reigning over chaos makes me feel powerful.
Mom is in town, which means more of everything, more eating, more shopping, more watching TV. Did I mention more eating?
Having Mom in town has been great for dating, and I am not being sarcastic. It has been a great tool to weed out some of the potential dates out. If someone cannot wait 3 weeks or less to meet me, how great a partner are they going to be for me? I am not saying they are not great, but the person for me will understand that I have a limited time with my mother and I am choosing to put her first over somebody I didn’t even meet yet.
Speaking of dating, 3 ghosts from the dating past have resurfaced. One called wanting to check if I still had the same work number – he announced he got married. The second wrote wishing me a happy birthday – he announced he just got engaged. The third wrote to tell me that he has met someone and they have been dating for a couple of weeks. I am not sure why he felt the need to write and tell me that, perhaps he wanted to share his happiness or perhaps he wanted to tell me I missed out.
I honestly don’t know how to feel about all those ghosts from the “not so far past” being happily coupled. Originally when I heard from all 3 in the space of 2 days I confess I felt a hint of jealousy. Then on the next second I thought to myself, shouldn’t I be happy, or perhaps even relieved? I am the one that decided not to continue to date, or even to start dating them. My feelings haven’t changed. They are all great guys, but not great for me. So in the end, I am choosing to be happy that they are happy.
Perhaps the real question here is: Will there be a great guy for me, or should I settle for a great guy period? Perhaps my heart is stuck on that one “great”(and I use the term loosely) guy that is now known as Ex, and I am blind to everyone else?
“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” ― Sholem Asch
I still continue to struggle with thinking of him. The absurdity of such situation is not lost on me. It will be 3 years soon. When will I stop thinking of all those happy moments? When will I not get so sad that I was so easily replaced? I am happy and content with my single life, or am I not and just fooling myself? Now that my Mom is here I catch myself mentioning his name more and more. I actually told her that she is allowed to slap me on the mouth if I ever say his name again. She agreed. I am happy to say that I have not been hit yet! 🙂
When will my heart understand what my mind and soul already knows? That part of my life is over and done with. There were great moments, but in the end that it is all that it was: great moments. I am deserving of more and better. I am deserving of always and forever.
The forgiving part was easy; the forgetting part has been a battle. I am persistent and this war is not over yet.
“Without forgetting it is quite impossible to live at all.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Wow- lots going on!
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and yet nothing seems to be happening 🙂
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What are you learning about yourself ?
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humm, not sure, perhaps that I am not the person that I thought I was. What I know for sure is that I know nothing. I need to learn, learn, learn and persevere. persevere, persevere!
Your question struck a chord….
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Sound like me. It has been 3 years but I have started talking to my Ex more and more last few months. It is giving me false hope. But the difference is I think my mom would love for me to get back with him.
I need a “sober dating” guide.
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I had false hope in the beginning, it was denial really, trying to make whole something broken. It didn’t work and it will never work for me. I know that for sure, but still it doesn’t make matters easier. I think my Mom , his Mom and pretty much everyone that knew us together would love to have us together again. oh well…
Take care of your heart, be careful allowing someone back into your life. Make sure they have earned the right to be back.
My motto is: follow your heart. But lately I am not so sure about that.
A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Have patience. One day the great guy will come and you will think where has he been all your life. I wouldn’t worry about the ex dating guys in fact I had a ghost to telling me he is getting married. I wonder why they have to tell us. I wish him luck as he wasn’t for me. I in fact am going to see my date again tomorrow and I am all excited. He had to wait patiently too as I was busy this week. I am though so happy that he wants to see mW again as I do too. He is really such a lovely calm and happy man. So watch this space…. he he. You are right to get your priorities right. Enjoy the time with your mum. Hugs xx
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Patience? What is that? lol I think I was born missing that ingredient.
I do have hope that the right guy will come along and it will be amazing, but it is taking a little too long. 🙂
I am so happy and excited for you…It sounds great! I hope it goes amazing tomorrow. Keep me posted, I will love to hear more.
Thank you and hugs back to you!! Blessings! 🙂
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A wise friend reminded me losses and grief never go away. They change. Accepting that, and honoring the change allows me to be grateful for my current life now, and still honor the good, and acknowledge that losses, like love, once there always remains in some form…maybe that can help?
And funny, two ghosts contacted me last week also, both are still single and would love another chance…great guys, but like you said, great for someone else.
Wishing you well!
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Your friend is wise indeed. I acknowledge that ex will always be part of my history but I never expected to have him still in my mind at this point. I think accepting is the key word for me. Accept that he is not leaving my mind as fast as I want/expected. Thank you so much and a blessed week ahead! 🙂
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I don’t know if you really can call your ex your ex!! He actually seems quite present to you- and , just my 2 cents, his ghost is the reason you can’t open up to your future. You need to start saying yes to your future, new dates and what is ahead of you. It didn’t work- it will never work. He is not the man to measure other men by!! Move on – you seem smart, sweet, funny and successful. I get tired of reading about how you hold yourself back romantically.
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Hi Clara
I did fear I was boring my readers with always mentioning ex, but I want to to keep this blog real, so ex is still real in my mind.
I do think that you are right in mentioning that ex keeps me from moving forward. What we had was so great (or so I thought) that no one will come close to that image I have.
I now know that I deserve better and that what I thought we had was not real.
I do try not compare anyone to him, so I think that I do need to continue dating and giving men a real chance.
And thank you, I do think I am all of that and more! 🙂 Blessings! 🙂
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I can relate to this post. I’m in the same predicament. It is, however, rather great that you are aware of the fact that idealising the said ex means there are slim chances of anyone else meeting or even surpassing that standard and that you are really objective about the whole thing. I know it can’t be easy… But its really encouraging to those of us who haven’t quite learnt to separate reality from memories….
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Thank you for your comments. In the beginning I had this fairy tale memory of the relationship we had. While it was amazing and he always treated me like a princess, I am now able to see some faint cracks and some tiny red flags.
That relationship while great while it lasted it is now over and I know there are tons more of great experiences to be had if I only allow myself to be free.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I completely know too well how you feel. It’s so hard when everything you once thought was real and solid suddenly turns out to only be your imagination and beliefs. It’s hard to get over and I don’t think I will ever forget some moments I shared with my ex. I have moved forward and have met a very nice man. I’m hoping to make new memories with someone who really cares for me this time. Hang in there. It’s a very hard thing to overcome. I’m just taking one day at a time, protecting my heart while sharing it also…. Is that possible? 🙂
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Hi Sherryl. So happy that you have found someone and I am sure new and more amazing memories will be made.
I have decided to enjoy the good memories I had with him instead of trying to forget them, but also not to constantly think about them and over romanticize them.
I do think about your final question very much, it does seem to be crucial knowing how to do it. I still don’t know how to share my heart without losing myself completely. With me it seems to be all or nothing, I am either not sharing my heart at all or just completely placing it in someone’s hands for them to do as they please.
A blessed week ahead to you! 🙂
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You and me both girl. I am an “all or nothing” type also. I’ve been so broken hearted that I didn’t think I’d ever love again. I think as long as we have a desire to be in a great relationship/marriage that we should continue to search. I’ll be damned if I let a past loser hurt what could be a great thing now. I’m all in yet once again!
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Awesome! That is also my approach. I know that there is someone great for me out there. With that in mind it makes easier (not easy or simple) to ignore a few jerks along the way. I am catching up on your blog this morning…I have missed great stuff! 🙂
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I was wondering how someone could feel happiness and jealousy at the same time. But I agree, just keep reminding yourself that you deserve better.
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humm, I guess so, I am happy but may have a twinge of jealousy every now and then! 🙂 Thank you for the kind thought and words. Many blessings! 🙂
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Hugsssss…. May you be so focused on your healthy happiness that you will forget to forget the past because you know greater things await in your future….. Hugsssss… U believe in you….
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from your mouth to God’s ears!! thank you! 🙂
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I feel for you and get where you are coming from. With the guy from 3 years ago, there is no point in beating yourself up about it, just allow yourself to feel the way you do. You just have to keep reminding yourself of all of the negatives and bad times, not good times, write them down over and over again, until they are stuck in your brain and then this will override the good times in your head and you will feel able to move on. It is hard. There is a guy I keep liking and having strong feelings for but he blatently just likes me as a mate and I keep having to get over him and I have never been with him. I am only human. I am also incredibly happy being single too.
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I agree with you a lot. I try remembering the bad times, but I think some times I like to punish myself by remembering the good only.
I am trying to do just that, allow myself to feel what I feel – it is a powerful and freeing feeling!
I am more and more being happily single, and honestly it is a new thing, not the happiness, but the happiness of being single.
I hope your critters are well 🙂 blessings! 🙂
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My piggies are doing well thank you. I am glad you are allowing yourself to feel what you feel, pretending otherwise can make the feelings for that person stronger, when they need to be the opposite. It’s good to hear that you are happier being single. I’m afraid to be in a relationship ever again at the moment, because I love the freedom and pleasure of my single life so much.
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Glad to know they are well!
I fear getting too comfortable being single, but for now I am enjoying to the fullest! It is a whole new year of looking at life. Before I was thinking it was just a time before getting a boyfriend, now it is life!
Many blessings to you and piggies! 🙂
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Thank you. Enjoy every minute of your single life. I think it’s fantastic that you are embracing it.
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Thank you! 🙂
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