I am back and happy to be back! People think I am crazy when I say I am happy to return from vacation. I love going away on vacation and seeing my family and all the fun stuff that it entails, but I also love coming back home. I love my routine, my bed, my life.
In Brazil I mostly stayed with family and saw a few old friends. No partying or travelling to the beach. The purpose of the trip was to be with my father and I did that. I am extremely happy and also relieved that he is doing so well. I love my family and feel so immensely blessed by them and the opportunity to spend time with them.
Now I am back and picking up where I left off. Being with my family in Brazil highlighted what I already knew: I cannot date someone that is not respectful of my belief in God and all Godly related things. My Dad’s recovery from a potentially deadly infection/gangrene has been nothing short of a miracle. How can I not believe in the power of something bigger than I am?
I will write more about my trip but for now I will just mention something that my sister said that has been stuck on my mind. Even though we have been living apart for almost 30 years she is still the person that knows me the best. Or so I thought. So her opinion really matters to me.
I was telling her about my latest dating adventure (speed dating) when she told me that it seemed that I am desperate for a boyfriend just to say that I have a boyfriend. I was shocked that she thought that. I respect her opinion but it cannot be further from the truth. There has been plenty of opportunities for me to have a boyfriend if all I wanted to do was say I have a boyfriend, but I am interested in more. I want it all, and yet all I want is simple. I just want the company of someone that makes my heart sing. And so far my heart has been silent.
My sister never read my blog even though she was the first one I told about it. She said she thought I didn’t keep it up. I was disappointed about that. Maybe she is reading it now, or maybe not! Do I have a history of not seeing things through? Perhaps she thinks that too. But anyway, that is not the point. The point is that her comment made me think of you: you my reader and my friend. Do you think I am dying for a boyfriend just to say I have a boyfriend? Do you care either way?
“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” ― Anaïs Nin
I would hate to be thought of as “that girl”, you know, the one desperate for a boyfriend, the one that cannot live without a man! I am more than somebody looking for a boyfriend and would hate to be seen as only that. Perhaps I need to change my writing. Perhaps I should talk more about the other areas of my life. Perhaps I should forget about dating for awhile, or at least stop talking about it.
I started this blog because of a broken heart so it is fitting that this blog is mostly about my heart. Also my dating adventures seem to be more interesting than other details about my life. I always like to focus on the fun and positive. Why should I talk about how much I am spending in my father’s medical bills or the fact that my tenant is 2 weeks late with the rent check when the dating trials and tribulations are more fun?
Perhaps I should do nothing different at all. I should continue to be me. Is it important what others know and think about me or is it enough that I know who I am and what I am about? Truth is I don’t really care what others think of me, but it is hard when their view is so opposed to the truth.
How do I want you to see me? It is really very simple, I just want you to get that I am real and honest, flawed and yet unbelievably perfect! I did make it a mission of mine to be more aggressive and more active in finding a mate so I have to be able to take the comments in regards to that, and must not be hurt if the opinions differ from mine. Leaving things to chance never suited me, even though I know and respect that things will happen if and when they are meant to happen. I know the Universe conspires to bring me what I need, but nowhere it is written that I have to just sit and wait.
“Nothing happens until something moves.” ― Albert Einstein
I just want to be ready for the opportunity when it comes. I want to put myself out there. I want soak life and all its beauty. Even though my posts may not reflect it, I have grown immensely the last couple of years, and the people that I have met and dated have been instrumental to that growth.
The truth is it would be really easy to sit here and write about something else and pretend dating is not one of my priorities/goals, but that would be manipulative and dishonest – two things that I am not!
So the verdict is in (I am that fast!!), I will continue the dating thing (and writing and talking about it) until I get sick of it and not because others are sick of reading/hearing about it. So please keep coming back and reading. Your comments have been enlightening, humorous and supportive. You make me feel loved and valued as human being. Your words really make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! In the end if you see me as “that girl” so be it, I can take it!