Category Archives: Daily Message

A blessing often taken for granted

07 Monday Nov 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” ― Helen Keller

On Friday I left work at 11am.  My sister met me outside of our building.  She got in the car and we proceeded to discuss the best way to get to White Plains, NY.

Should we avoid the highway and just use the local route?  It would take a bit longer but we wouldn’t have the usual highway delays of lately.  We chose local.

We were wrong. We encountered two road blocks due to construction.  I feel the entire New York state is under construction.  At one point my sister asked if we were near, as we ended up taking some back roads that she was not familiar with.  I could feel her relief when I said that we were only 5 minutes away.

Finally we arrived our location.  Now we proceed to the parking near it. I didn’t think there was any room on the first level so I took the curvy route all the way to the 6th floor.  Getting out of the parking lot and into the street was another long story, as we kept getting off on different streets and had to go back and find the right exit.

By now it was 12: 05.  She had to be there at 12:15pm.  I pointed to a building in the corner and said: there it is.  She panicked when she saw that it said: White Plains Library on the building.  She feared we were on the wrong place.  I assured her that the right building was just next door.  Again, relief on her face on she saw the 111 Number sign on the building, signaling the right place: 111 Martin Luther King Boulevard, the address of the Westchester County Court.

We entered it, went though the security desk, and were pointed to the right courtroom.  There was a big signed that said: NATURALIZATION.

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” ― Maya Angelou, Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer

On this Friday, November 4th 2022, my sister officially became a United States citizen.  I have been a citizen for a long time, but still, during the whole event I was moved and had a lump in my throat.  It was emotional to be in a room with 48 newly naturalized citizens and their families, with so many different cultures, languages, backgrounds and stories of trials and triumph.

Upon entering the courtroom, the new citizens to be first lined up to see the desk clerks to answer some final questions and to surrender their green cards.  Then they sat and waited for the ceremony to start.  When it started Tim C. Idoni, the court clerk and a previous New Rochelle Mayor, administered the Oath of Citizenship to the new citizens.  Then the entire room got up for the Pledge of Allegiance. 

Then the presiding judge spoke. I can’t recall her name but it was her first time presiding over the Oath of Ceremony. In her Congratulatory speech, she welcomed the new citizens and also added some of her personal history to it.  She mentioned she was the granddaughter of Irish immigrants, and the first person from her family to go to college, law school, and now become a judge.

Then they called names, 3 at a time.  The new citizens would go to the front, shake hands with the Judge and the County Clerk and be handed the Certificate of Naturalization.  My sister came back to her seat beaming with pride.  She was now focused on trying to get a picture with the Judge and the clerk at the end.  She wanted to document the day in any and every way she could.

As soon as they declared the proceedings over, she jumped up and went to ask for a picture with the judge and clerk.  They graciously agreed.  I took a few pictures, then realized that a line started to form of people wanting to take pictures.  She had started a chain reaction.

At first she loved the pictures I took, but later she took a closer look.  Apparently, I always cut the feet off when I take full length pictures of people standing up.  When she started to complain about it, I didn’t say anything.  I am learning the virtues of silence in certain situations. Also, it was her day!

In the evening I treated her to dinner at Sergio’s in Pelham, NY.  They have the best short ribs with risotto ever! Actually, my boss paid for dinner as congratulations to her.

After the ceremony, she called and emailed everyone she could think of.  She wanted the world to share in her happiness and good fortune.

It took my sister 12 years to get a green card, and then another 5 years to get the citizenship.  She is over the moon!  She is proud, happy, and above all grateful for this amazing opportunity.  I am all of that as well, and more!

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love—then make that day count!” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Still Sweet, but not yet the One

27 Thursday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“There sits the skiff – over there perhaps is the entryway to the great nothing. But who wants to board this “perhaps”?” ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Mr. Sweet continues to be sweet and kind.  But he is not the One… at least not right now.  Right now he is a friend that I go to dinner with every now and then.

He had already told me he didn’t want to date seriously and wanted “to see what is out there”.  Well, I have seen what is out there and it is pretty grim.  Kidding, but not really.

Even though he said he would continue dating, I was under the impression that he was not.  I took his excitement about me as a sign that he would not be interested in looking for anyone else.  I assumed that the reason his Match profile had disappeared was because he was focused only on me.  I assumed that with all the attention/daily texting/calling, that I was the only one.  All my assumptions were not based on reality, but based on what my heart wanted and the stories that sometimes I tell myself.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. Montgomery, Emily’s Quest

I normally follow: “pay attention to a man’s action and not his words”, and this time that is what tripped me up.  I should have taken his word at face value.   He said he was going to date other people, why would I read in his behavior anything else?

I don’t like to have regrets, but I do regret passing on some people on Match that seemed great just because I thought this was going the distance.  And now they are gone.  Oh well, if they were for really me they wouldn’t be gone, would they?  So I digress, no regrets!

“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” ― Marcel Duchamp

My heart got excited and forgot to do a reality check about the situation. For starters, his divorce is only just starting, and it looks like it is going to be a long war.  There is a prenuptial agreement involved, but mediation fell through, and she is now ignoring his attorney’s letters.

Then there is the fact that I agree he should stay single, go on dates, have fun. I do not believe someone coming out of a long-term relationship (in this case a 27-year marriage) should immediately embark on another.  

While I am not sure what I want, I did think we had a good thing going and didn’t want him dating around.  I wanted to see where we could go. The future seemed so bright for us, or so I dreamed!

“Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps.”― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

I don’t want to date someone seriously while the person is dating around.  So, for now we are not seriously dating, or dating seriously.  We are dating, meaning we go out to dinner, bars, ect. A kiss every now and then, but that is it.  And I am even rethinking the kissing.  Not because I am a prude, but because I want to protect my heart from getting too tangled up in something not serious.

While dating multiple people may be appealing to some, I now prefer to date intentionally, one person at a time.  I may go on many dates, but if I have more than 2 dates with someone then that is where I will focus my attention and energy.

I must understand that his wanting to see what is out there is not about me. It is about him.  That is the distinction I need to make.  I was taking it all personally.  This is not a rejection, but an opportunity.  Feeling rejected make us victims and take our power away.  This is an opportunity to explore my feelings, wants and needs.

“When things do not go your way, remember that every challenge — every adversity — contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I can’t complain about him.  This is not about him; this is about my feelings and my interpretation of this new relationship.  We agreed on honesty on day 1 and he has lived it up to that.  He continues to be honest, kind and thoughtful.  In this just over 1-month relationship we have met several times alone and 3 times with my sister and my friend.   He continues to bring my sister bagels every time we meet.

The last time we saw each other was Saturday when we went to dinner and walked around NY City with my sister and friend.  He brought his professional camera and took many pictures of us in Times Square.  Always smiling and happy to help, that is something that we share.

“Love can only be found through the act of loving.” ― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

He wanted to try to meet this week:

I am busy with my friend. It is her last week here, so I want this week to be about her.  Also, if I am being completely transparent (and I aim to be) I hate the feeling that he is fitting me among a bunch of dates.

I am excited about his friendship though.  I know that no matter what happens we will remain friends, and I love that part.

He continues to be Mr. Sweet, but there could be Mr. Sweeter for me around the corner.  Or even the Sweetest of them of all.  Or perhaps what I really need is Mr. Semi-Sweet.   I guess I got hurry up and go see what is out there.  Yet Again.

“People say they find love, as if it were an object hidden under a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Physically back, mentally still away

24 Monday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“There is a kind of magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.” ― Kate Douglas Wiggin, New Chronicles of Rebecca

Hi friends,  I will be visiting everyone’s blogs in the next few days and will be catching up on your posts. I do miss you all when I am not around here.  Actually, you are the only routine I missed 🙂

I have been off of work for the past week.  This time I didn’t check in at work at all.  I totally disconnected, I didn’t even check email.  I really needed this break.  I don’t care about work as much anymore (there will be a future post about it).

My friend from Brazil is still here.  She will be here until next Sunday.  It has been fun playing tourist, but also so exhausting.

Among all we did, we spent a day in Mystic, CT, just enjoying the beautiful scenery and stores.  We had some delicious pastries at Sift Bake Shop. 

We spent a day in Westerly, RI. There we spent some time with my friend that lives there and is running for town council.  We attended one of her events, and drove around the beautiful beaches.  Eating at the Verandah at Ocean House in Watch Hill is always a favorite for the amazing water views.

We also spent a couple of days at Foxwoods Casino and Mohegan Sun Casino.  While we didn’t make money, we didn’t really lose much, and it was really fun playing the slots.  While there we shopped at Tanger Outlets. We also had great meals there, specially the one at Ballo Italian Restaurant in Mohegan Sun.

We were sightseeing in New York City for a couple of days. We did a lot walking, which was good since we have been doing a lot eating. The best meal in NY was at Rice and Beans, a Brazilian Restaurant.

Mr. Sweet joined us for that dinner and the night before he took us to an Argentinian restaurant that his friend owns.  He continues to be very sweet, being kind to my friend and bringing bagels for my sister every time we meet.  I will be writing a post about him next.

There has been a lot shopping.  Even though I dislike going shopping, if I am forced to go I end up being the one that buys the most.  Besides the outlets in Foxwoods we also shopped at the outlet stores at Clinton Outlet in Clinton, CT. And not to mention, all the other stores, such as TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Macys, etc.

There was a huge amount of walking, which is always welcomed by me.  My sister and my friend are not used to so much walking, so we got an Uber a couple of times in NY.

This week will be non-stop again, specially since I have to get back to work. During the day, my sister and I will take turns taking my friend to work with us.  Some evenings we will go shopping as she still has some items left on her list, and will also go out to eat as we still have a couple of restaurant to get to.

Stay tuned for the post about Mr. Sweet.  For now, I just wanted to say hello.  Wishing everyone a blessed week! 🙂

“Distance changes utterly when you take the world on foot. A mile becomes a long way, two miles literally considerable, ten miles whopping, fifty miles at the very limits of conception. The world, you realize, is enormous in a way that only you and a small community of fellow hikers know. Planetary scale is your little secret.

Life takes on a neat simplicity, too. Time ceases to have any meaning. When it is dark, you go to bed, and when it is light again you get up, and everything in between is just in between. It’s quite wonderful, really.

You have no engagements, commitments, obligations, or duties; no special ambitions and only the smallest, least complicated of wants; you exist in a tranquil tedium, serenely beyond the reach of exasperation, “far removed from the seats of strife,” as the early explorer and botanist William Bartram put it. All that is required of you is a willingness to trudge.

There is no point in hurrying because you are not actually going anywhere. However far or long you plod, you are always in the same place: in the woods. It’s where you were yesterday, where you will be tomorrow. The woods is one boundless singularity. Every bend in the path presents a prospect indistinguishable from every other, every glimpse into the trees the same tangled mass. For all you know, your route could describe a very large, pointless circle. In a way, it would hardly matter.

At times, you become almost certain that you slabbed this hillside three days ago, crossed this stream yesterday, clambered over this fallen tree at least twice today already. But most of the time you don’t think. No point. Instead, you exist in a kind of mobile Zen mode, your brain like a balloon tethered with string, accompanying but not actually part of the body below. Walking for hours and miles becomes as automatic, as unremarkable, as breathing. At the end of the day you don’t think, “Hey, I did sixteen miles today,” any more than you think, “Hey, I took eight-thousand breaths today.” It’s just what you do.”
― Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail

Broken plates or a flower? Your choice

28 Wednesday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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While I am trying to find my voice, artistically speaking, I babble, I rumble, I mumble, I whisper loudly, I make things…

this time is a flower made of broken mugs and plates.  Something about being broken, damaged, imperfect and then being created into something new appeals to me.  That is one of the reasons I adore mosaics.

Aren’t we all just a little bit broken?  Sometimes I feel I am trying to hold myself together not to fall apart.  And I keep slipping through my fingers. The I that I think I was, the I that I think I should be.  The should is too restricting, too shortsighted. I don’t should anything.

Perhaps it is best to fall completely apart and set on rebuilding it.  Perhaps is best to let go, instead of holding on when things are barely together anyway.  Until we really let go of the old, the bad, the one thing or things, or people, that keep barely sustaining us, we cannot start the rebuilding.

Message to self: Break up, break out, break off, break away, just keep breaking… with all that is harming you, preventing your growth, just pacifying you… keep building, keep renewing, keep reinventing…

I will be posting soon about the past few dates I have had.  There is a lot, and it is all good, but it is also fragile.  So while I am advocating breaking, I am also concerned about the fragility of things… go figure… I make no sense.

“The storm is out there and every one of us must eventually face the storm. When the storm comes, pray that it will shake you to your roots and break you wide-open. Being broken open by the storm is your only hope. When you are broken open you get to discover for the first time what is inside you. Some people never get to see what is inside them; what beauty, what strength, what truth and love. They were never broken open by the storm. So, don’t run from your pain — run into your pain. Let life’s storm shatter you.”
― Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

26 Monday Sep 2022

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For those that celebrate the Jewish New Year, I wish you a Sweet New Year filled with blessings, health and happiness!

L’Shana Tova

“God does not want us to understand the suffering of the innocent but to fight for a world in which the innocent no longer suffer.” ― Jonathan Sacks, Exodus: The Book of Redemption

The pains of a broken heart and the possibilities of online dating

25 Sunday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

Disclaimer: I didn’t have a chance to edit again, so please pardon the typos etc. It is a case if I don’t publish now, I fear I will never publish it.  

Hbsuefred https://hbsuefred.com/ wrote me a comment that hit me in such a deep way that I decided to write my reply to her in the form of a post.  

This was her comment:

As a newly single older gal, I feel so blessed to be schooled by you and others in a similar position who share their experiences. So far, I think the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s a lot of work which to me makes it seem not worth the effort. Of course, I met my idiot ex (he filed after 30 years of marriage) through a dating service.

The fact that he just took wife #4 whom I believe he met on a dating website confirms that probably the older men one meets that way are generally not keepers. Of course I’m a bit jaded after stumbling on new wifey’s name and fb page where she posted wedding pix of ceremony that looks like it took place pretty recently and on which she and all her friends extol his virtues. None of them knows the morose alcoholic as well as I do. In fact, they may not even know that about him, including her!

The kicker was that ceremony and holiday pix from end of last year were taken in my old living room! However, after taking another stroll down memory lane (the written through correspondence history of our demise) this time there were no tears as it made me realize how long I put up with his crap and how much better off I am now without him.

Thanks for letting me vent. I hope your audit is successfully completed soon and that you keep sharing your adventures in dating which may someday be successful as well. In the meantime, enjoy your upcoming break. Will it have another purpose of preparing you for the upcoming dreaded holidays?

Here is my reply in 2 parts: Heartbreak and Online Dating.  

Heartbreak:

You can vent here any time you want.  30 years is a real long time to share your life with someone, only to have that be taken it away from you.  It is cruel to have that life you knew disappear.  My heart aches for you.

This is the first time in a real long time that I was taken back to that very painful period of time in my life, over 10 years ago.  My relationship was only a fraction of time of yours. Mine lasted 3 years, but the pain was so deep that I thought I was going to die from a broken heart.  I can’t begin to imagine your pain.

When you mentioned seeing pictures of the new wife taken in your old living room, I recall how I felt coming across similar details. It was like I was being punched in the stomach.  It was a slap in the face to see how easily I had been replaced.  I feel your pain.  I feel the devastation. I feel the anger.

I felt alone, sad, and stuck in the past, while he so quick and seamlessly continued life with somebody new.  For a long time I wanted my life back, I wanted him back.  As if he was a such a great prize.  I was the prize, but he was too dumb to see it.

For some time I wanted to hear him say: “I am sorry I cheated on you and hurt you”.  As if he would ever possess any sense of guilt or would ever acknowledge any wrongdoing.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

I went through all the stages of grief.  The one that I got stuck on the longest was denial.  I kept lying to myself. First, that it was not happening. Second, that he would come back. Thankfully he never did, otherwise I would probably have taken him back, only to be cheated on over and over again.

I didn’t know how to imagine my life without him.  I became blind and powerless.  It was as if he was the last man in the world.  How wrong I was.  Looking back I shudder to realize how long I allowed myself to feel like a victim and how much time I wasted wallowing in pity.

One of the best things I did was to stop looking at social media and googling him and the new girlfriend.  Every time I searched for him and her, I was being sucked back into the pain and anger.  It was hard not to give into the curiosity, but I felt more powerful every time I had the urge to look him up and I didn’t.  That power kept getting stronger to the point that the urge is no longer there.  He is past, and I have left him there.

A morose alcoholic?  Who needs that anyway?  I can only imagine what you have gone through all those 30 years.  How much of you you forgot and ignored to cater to him?

I am glad that you are able to see how much better off you are now.  It seems that you are well on your way to forgetting, forgiving and rebuilding.  We both received the gift of freedom, even though it didn’t feel like at the moment.  We were blessed that men  that didn’t belong, didn’t add anything, didn’t help us grow, were removed from our life.  We were too much into the relationship to see we needed to get out and do it on our own, instead we got a little push, well, a big shove really.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

It was the hardest thing I went through and it changed me… for the better, and I am sure is the same with you.   I now accept all, the good and the bad, with grace.  Everything is either a wonderful experience or a lesson.  The lessons are necessary. Receive it, learn it, move on. Don’t miss the wonderful experience of the moment being sad about the past.

We loved. We learned lessons.  We are aware. We are fully alive. We now can explore.  We can do whatever we please, be the masters of our destiny.  We can do everything or nothing. We are open to possibilities.  

Yet, it is not all sunshine and butterflies now.  I have my moments.  I have the moments that my ego takes control. I have the moments that I become a victim all over again.  There are times I feel powerless, helpless, loveless.  I work real hard at not letting those moments suck me in.  I make sure those don’t last.  I immediately turn to gratitude. I start making a list of all the good that is in my life.  Focusing on the positive is my way out. Gratitude for all I so blessedly have is my go-to weapon.

The pain goes away… eventually.  It is a fight, everyday.  Enjoy all the new steps, big and small.  Celebrate yourself each and every day.  One thing I know for sure:  You will thrive!

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

Online Dating:

I know that online dating, and dating in general, seems like a lot work.  It is.  But to me it is worth the hassle. My attitude has changed a lot from when I first started doing online dating,10 years ago, to right now writing this. 

I believe I will find the One, but it is not longer the reason why I do it. My One may not even be on a dating site.  So, for now, my focus is on meeting new people,  enjoying the moment and being fully present with each person I meet.  

The one thing I would love for you to get from reading my blog is to be open to possibilities.  All of them.  Give dating, online and otherwise, a chance. Give people, love, life, fun, a chance.

I fear that, sometimes, with my dating stories written here, I am discouraging people from giving online dating a chance.  It is a pain, there are fakes, jerks, losers, clueless, there are all kinds. I believe that there are some amazing people out there also.  I am a good person, and I can’t be the only good person doing online dating, could I? I believe good attracts good. Good energy and good heart will attract good energy and good heart.

I enjoy meeting new people, learning about their background, interests, etc.  I have accepted dates before to just get out of the house, and those normally end up frustrating.  So I now only go on a date if I see potential for fun, friendship or more.

10 years is a long time to be online dating and still be alone, some have pointed out to me in the past.  I never expected to still be alone, but I don’t blame the dating sites.  I am still single not because I haven’t found a good man.  I have found many good men.    I just haven’t found the one that makes me want to let go of being single.

The older I get the harder it will be for me to part ways with my singlehood.  The older I get the more I realize what a wonderful life I have.  It is hard to find someone to come in and add to it.  That is the key.  I am looking for some to add to my life.  To add joy, beauty, wonder, possibilities, not to add dramas, insecurities, headaches, etc. I don’t want dead weight.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

I am also well aware that, perhaps, I will forever fear giving my whole self to someone again; and that is something that I continuously work on. I strive to be open, trusting and non-judgmental.

I don’t see being alone at this point in time a failure.  I see being happy and grateful as a success, and that I am.  Online success to me doesn’t mean coming away with a boyfriend.  Success online to me is now measured in small bites.  Dinner with a great person is a success in my book.  Being introduced to new experiences, new interests, new ideas, is always a success to me. 

I do get tired of online dating at times.  Life gets too busy, I encounter too many jerks in a row, I become disillusioned, and I take a break.  Then, when I feel like, I go back to it.  To me online dating is a wonderful choice to have and I am grateful for it.

If you ever decide to give it a try please be careful.  I have written some posts about it:https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2016/10/27/how-to-spot-a-fake-dating-profile/ and https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2018/01/26/not-just-surviving-but-thriving-while-online-dating/

Please come back and vent here any time. Pardon my liberty of certain assumptions. Pardon my preachiness! Sending love, hugs and blessings to you!

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
― Rumi

Two dates and a dog

20 Tuesday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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On Sunday I had two dates.

I normally wouldn’t drive out of my way to go on a coffee date, but the meeting place was Barnes & Noble in White Plains, NY.  I love book stores.  This guy and I had been exchanging hellos for awhile and I wanted to see if there was anything there.

We agreed to meet at 10am.  I went earlier to browse the shelves, but they only open at 10am :-(.  Even though there was a Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble we decided to walk across the street to Hastings Tea & Coffee and sit outside.

He is a 65 year old doctor. He still works. He has some kind of rotation that has him working for 24 hours once every two weeks. I would love that schedule.

He looked, dressed and acted younger than his age.  I enjoyed meeting him and we talking about a lot different things, including spiritual stuff.  Time flew by.  I realized it was already almost noon and I quickly got up to leave. He was surprised I was leaving.

I am not sure if there will be a second date.  Even though the conversation was great, I am not sure if there is enough there to meet up again.  We shall see.

***

After that date I was supposed to go with a friend to brunch but she canceled last minute. I had brunch at home with my sister and did stuff around the apartment. 

The cute dog above is Mr. W.  I don’t want to disclose his name, but he has an imposing name that starts with W., so use your imagination.

I met my date and Mr. W. at 5:30pm at The Broken Bow Brewery in Tuckahoe, NY.  They were were sitting at a table outside in the back.  Mr W. is the nicest, quietest dog you could ever meet.  My date had a flight of beers, I had nothing.  I didn’t want to drink or eat anything before dinner.

At 6:30pm we left and went to Burrata Restaurant in Eastchester, NY, just a few blocks away. We had a couple of appetizers of eggplant and meatball and we shared a couple of pizza pies, a margherita and a prosciutto.  I had a Cappelletti spritz cocktail, he had red wine. Everything was delicious.

I didn’t have dessert.  A win!  But don’t be so proud, I have been overindulging in sugar at all other times.

Similar to the first date, we had a great time.  It feels like we are old friends. We talk and laugh a lot.  We talk a lot about cool restaurants, vacations, works, etc.  I like picking his brain on technology topics.  

At the end of dinner, I stopped by his car to say bye to Mr. W.  He had stayed in the car while  we were at the restaurant.  The car has dog mode, which I had never heard of before meeting him.  It means that it is climate controlled, and there is the huge sign on the dashboard alerting passersby:

We awkwardly hugged goodbye. As we quickly hugged I think that I subconsciously avoided his lips, so there was this quick brush on the side of my lips.  There was not an ounce of romance vibe during dinner, so I didn’t expect anything.  I am not sure if he is just shy or doesn’t have much interest.  So, I am not even sure if he was trying to kiss me.  

We will see if there is a third date…

***

I have 2 dates this week with 2 new characters 🙂  I decided not to wait for life to slow down to live it up.

“A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it.”
― D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover

 

 

 

 

Audit and Dating, same difference

15 Thursday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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I am sorry friends; it has been two weeks since I last posted.  Blame it on the audit that my firm is going through… combined with laziness and lack of motivation.

It is so easy for me to get off track with anything.  It then takes ages to get back on track.  Right now, exercise has been suffering.  I find that my eating habits and exercise go hand in hand.  If one is off, then the other goes off also.

French lessons on Duolingo have been a thing of the past.  I keep restarting.

I am learning how to allow myself to just be and live without pressure.  No need to be battering myself with negativity.  I get off track, I will just dust myself off and get back on track.  As many times as necessary.

The audit is going much better than I had anticipated.  The auditors have come and gone from our offices.  They were more personable than the prior ones.  

They are gone physically but their requests and questions continue. I found out today that we are not going to be tested on all areas, so that accounts for it being easier than I expected.  Fingers crossed it all continues to go smoothly, and it ends soon.

I am finally realizing that I don’t need to stress myself out… until I need to stress myself out. The pre-worry, the anxiety, the living on tomorrow doesn’t help with anything. Some of what I worry about never come to pass, so it has just been useless worry, wasted energy.

I went on one date last Friday.  He is a 60-year-old Stock trader that I had met a couple of years ago on another app but had never met.  He drove from Brooklyn during rush hour.  So, a 40-minute trip took one hour and half on that Friday evening.

We met at Rye Bar and Grill.  The place was a fun, noisy restaurant with a big bar, and tables in and outdoors.  I met him by the bar, and after some small talk we moved to a table. I had a glass of prosecco and he had a couple of beers.  We shared messy chicken wings for appetizers.  I had burger and fries.  He had a skirt steak.  The food was okay.  Not the best or worst I ever had.  I didn’t have dessert… yes be proud 🙂

We had a great time.  He is a great guy, but again I am not sure about a future.  I didn’t really detect any, so I am not sure about a second date.  We have been testing, so perhaps he is willing to be friends…

There was a point in time that I would go on a date as an excuse to get dressed up and go out.  That is not fun to me anymore.  I need to have the idea that something could happen… a friendship or something more, else.

What I am getting a lot lately is guys wanting to meet for coffee during the day.  Even though sometimes I can, I don’t like to meet during the day on a week day.  I much rather be done with work and relax, than have to hurry there and back. Plus it is much more romantic to meet for drinks at the end of the day,  than to meet for coffee, as a first date.

I have been blocked by 2 guys this week because of that.  Or perhaps there were other reasons.  

Guy 1 – He chose a place in his town, 40 minutes away from me.  I suggested a place closer to me on a weekend. He changed the subject, then blocked me. 

Guy 2 – He asked me out for coffee during the day.  I suggested coffee at the end of the day.  He kept ignoring that and insisting on meeting during the day during the week. Then he complained that I was making things difficult.  Before I had a change to reply he blocked me.

Whatever their reasons were, they have done me a favor by not continuing to waste my energy.

I no longer need to know the why of things.  All I need to do is accept and move on.  All I need to do is be grateful.  Everything that comes to me or moves away from me is a blessing.

I have a date tomorrow. It should be fun. Stay tuned.

I finished another mosaic piece. It is pretty 🙂 Stay tuned.

 

 

Dating? What Dating?

11 Thursday Aug 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“He was swimming in a sea of other people’s expectations. Men had drowned in seas like that.” ― Robert Jordan, New Spring

Even though I haven’t gone on any dates since I re-joined Match over a month ago, I have exchanged a lot messages with potentials, and therefore I have some stories to tell.  I could have gone on some dates, but due to my lack of time, I am being more selective. I rather not waste anybody’s time.  or mine.

There were some guys that I was getting only a friend vibe and not romance.  I gave them the friendship option.  A couple agreed but we haven’t met yet.

When I started online dating years ago I never spoke on the phone prior to meeting in person.  Then I relaxed a little about that rule and would give my number out if I thought someone was serious.  Now, after exchanging numbers with a couple of people and being frustrated with the experience, I am back to not talking on the phone.  Of course, every now and then I may change my mind.   

“There’s a butterfly that has been hovering around the window. It doesn’t know where to go. I am that butterfly.” ― Bhuwan Thapaliya

In no particular order:

The Uninterested Learner:  This guy mentions that he is learning Portuguese, and writes a few words in Portuguese.  I get excited that we have something to talk about right away.  I reply with a simple greeting in Portuguese.  He takes 2 days to reply that he doesn’t know what it means. What about Google? Anyway, I translate it and try to initiate a conversation.  He goes silent again.  Then comes back again with a hi.  I reply and he goes silent.  It shows his level of interest.  I am not hanging around for a hi every few days.  Bye, or as we say in Brazil, tchau (ciao)!

The Busy Caller.  This guy and the one below are the reasons why I am not giving my number out anymore.  We had a great conversation on the phone, so great that he kept calling and I kept answering. Until I got tired of it.  He would end every call with: “We need to meet”, but never made plans.  I proposed meeting for coffee a couple of times, but he was always was busy.  I stopped answering the phone.  Talk is cheap.

The Not so Spiritually-Grown.   He said he wanted to just say a quick hi and make plans to meet. He called and we talked for almost 1 hour about, yes you guessed, spiritual growth.  He was eager to mention the many years he has been working on himself and how he has grown as a person.  

We made dinner plans for the following evening.  Next day comes and he texts: “I didn’t sleep well, and I don’t feel like driving to your town tonight.  Tomorrow night I have plans already, and then I am leaving for Spain for 10 days.  I will contact you when I return.”  Good thing I didn’t hold my breath. Ten days have come and gone long ago. Honesty is a sign of spiritual growth, or perhaps of just a descent human.  I knew he would never reach out again, so why not just be honest?

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ― Plato

The All about Boating guy:  He lives by a small lake about 1 hour away. We tried making plans to meet, but he always canceled over boating issues. The first time he canceled because there was an unexpected meeting about the dock, then someone was coming to fix the dock, then he had to go boating with his brother.  I decided not to try to schedule anymore.  I was already not feeling it, and I decided that he is too far invested in a boating lifestyle.  I am not, and don’t want to be.  In the end I just didn’t feel we wouldn’t be a good match and didn’t want him traveling 1 hour to see me, when he could go boating instead. 😊

The Bluffer:  this is a bunch of guys and not only one.  They will just come out with something like: “How about we grab a drink this week, what day are you free? ” I say: “sure”, and suggest a day. They in turn can never find the time.  They are not sure when they are free, but they keep messaging and wasting my time.  Why ask someone out if there is no intention of going through with it?

The Disingenuous.   He asked for my number right away.  I said no, and explained why not.  He asked me:  “How can we make plans to meet if you don’t give me your number?”  I said: “Right here, the same way we are communicating now.”  We exchanged a few more messages.  On Saturday morning he messages me asking me to lunch on Sunday.  When I replied accepting his invitation he was not online anymore.  And he was not online again until Sunday night, when he said:  “I got busy with my kids and didn’t have a chance to check Match. If I had your number…”

I didn’t really say what I wanted to say.  When I didn’t hear back from him on Saturday I knew there would be no Sunday brunch.  I have seen that movie before.

Note: So happens that as I am writing this he has another invitation for me.  Details to follow.

“I think Kitaru is honestly seeking something,” I went on. “In his own way, at his own pace. It’s just that I don’t think he’s grasped yet what it is. That’s why he can’t make any progress. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s not easy to look for it.” ― Murakami Haruki

The Back Pedaling guy.  We exchanged a few messages, he invites me to dinner and I say yes.  Location and time are set. Then I get a video call request from him through the app.  I don’t accept it.  He then says that he hit that button by accident.  Later he says that is probably a good idea that we have a video call before meeting so that we can see that we are who we say we are. Because, as he said: “I could show up and you are a man”.  Yep, he said that, and he has not been the first.

This is a total turn off for me.  If you are not sure about someone then don’t schedule a date.  Be upfront about your needs and wants.  I don’t do video calls.  I have no interest in that.  Date was canceled.  He then said that we should meet for coffee.  While I have no problem in meeting for coffee, or for nothing really, like meeting at the library or something like that, I don’t like how he handled this.  I am not interested anymore.

The Young and Not Classy.  This guy is eight years younger than me, but by the way he went on and on, you would think that he was 20 years younger.  Side note:  I look younger than him.  In the first few messages there was no mention of age.  Then he started with questions such as if I don’t mind that he is younger, have I dated younger men, what is the youngest men I ever dated, etc.  It just got annoying that he kept obsessing about the age difference. If age is not an issue, then don’t make it an issue. Bye baby!

The All about Sex.  This guy seemed funny and in the beginning we exchanged a few cute messages.  There were a couple of innuendos thrown in there, and I just played along. I am okay with that, and probably guilt of that.  But he kept going and seemed stuck on the sexual innuendo world.  I tried guiding the messages to other areas but he was one track mind.  I got off that track before I got run over.  

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

The Bad Interviewer.  He talks/write a lot, but it is not really a conversation.  It is being bombarded with questions that are meaningless to me.  What is your favorite color?  If you could be a pet which would you be?  What is your favorite food? What is your favorite season? Have you ever broken a bone? What is your favorite day of the week?  Day or night? And the list of inane questions goes on and on.  Finally I just sent one question back: “Date or no date?”.  He didn’t get it.  He never will.

Don’t be turned off to online dating after reading this.  There are some good guys also.  Not that those above are not good people.  They are just not good for me. 

There will always be miscommunications, misunderstandings, assumptions, expectations and the such.  Some people are just difficult.  I am difficult.

I believe in online dating.  I am grateful for the opportunity of meeting people that I wouldn’t normally have a chance to meet in my day to day life.  I still see joy in it, even though some times the water there is so murky one cannot see anything, let alone joy.

“Time provides all of us with the opportunity to change, alter our belief system, and create new perspectives that challenge a person’s character and teach him or her how to become a happier and wiser person.” ― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

 

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, and so am I!

06 Saturday Aug 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“Books are a uniquely portable magic.”
― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

Yippie, I finally finished a book.  Reading, not writing.  I think it has been years since I actually read a book in its entirety.  I have many books started, but for one reason or another I haven’t been able to finish them.  I blame the writer for not being able to grab and maintain my attention.  Just kidding of course.  I am the guilty one.

All the unread books in my bedroom just keep staring at me.  They make me feel that I am not taking advantage of so much knowledge, self discovery, fun. I could be discovering other worlds, in and out.  I could be discovering myself.  If I can only hang in there past the first few pages.  

The book I just finished is the one above: “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine”.  It is sad, but also charming and fun.  I was rooting for Eleanor from the first page.  She had an abusive childhood, had no friends and no social skills.   Still, I saw myself in her.  The writer did a great job at keeping me engaged and wanting to find out what happens next.

I won’t talk too much about it.  I am glad I read it, and I would recommend it. Somehow, it made me rediscover the joy of reading.

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

Now I am ready to start another book and keep going.  I am feeling so ambitious I am thinking of starting 2 books, a fiction and a non-fiction.  Too much?  Probably.  Perhaps I should just stick to one at a time.  We shall see.

Where to go now? The next 3 pictures are the books I have on my nightstands.  Which one should I choose next?  Any suggestions?  Some of them I have read more than a few pages, but it has been so long that I have to re-start.

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” ― Haruki Murakami

***

and no, I am not completely fine.  When I things at work cannot get any busier, they do.  My co-worker is not back yet. I have asked her to give me an idea of when she plans to return. If it will be much longer I will put her on disability and I will get a temp.

Then,  today, I get the news that we are going to be audited again by the regulators.  It has been only 3 years since the last one, and they are back again.  They are coming to the office only in September, but they already send me a list of requests.

oh well, I am just going to read a book and try to keep stress and fatigue at bay.

Have a blessed weekend you all!