Tag Archives: vacation

Speed Dating and the Non-Believer!

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” – ― Søren Kierkegaard

I am leaving for Brazil in a few hours.  I am fighting a bit of anxiety.   There is this one thing that I wanted to accomplish but it didn’t work out as expected (is it the Universe telling me that I should wait until I return or is it the Universe seeing my resolve in getting this done?).  When things don’t go according to plan it causes me a bit of internal turmoil.  I am trying to compartmentalize it and put that one issue aside until I am back in NY and can deal with it. I should know better than to thing that I have any control over anything.

Before I go I want to make sure to tell you about my last adventure in dating:  Speed dating.

It was surprisingly fun. There were 9 guys and 10 women.  It was in a bar in NY City.  The women sat around and the men went around to each lady, changing to the next lady every 3 minutes.  To me this is the perfect way to meet someone since I normally know within the first couple of minutes if there is something there or not.  I don’t have the time to go into details about every guy, but there was a good mix from the not so normal (this is NY after all) to the completely normal (at least it appears to be so).  There was a good mix of ladies too, from the divorced housewife to the rude impatient “I am better than you” lady.

A side note is that 8 out of the 9 guys were never married and had no children.  A shocking fact since they were all between the ages of 40 and 50.  The other ladies thought that this was a matter of concern, as if there is something wrong with them.  Since I happen to be one of them (never married, no kids) I think that fact it is no big deal.  But I do find strange to have so many of them in one place.

In the days after, you are supposed to go to the service website and choose who you would like to see again.  I chose 2 guys.  There were probably 5 of them that I wouldn’t mind seeing again, but only two seemed to be candidates for something long-lasting, so I rather not waste the other’s time.

Since they had chosen me also, contact information was provided to all.  They both contacted the same day.  One is an International Business Strategist (whatever that means) and the other is a jazz musician.

The first one emailed me right away, but then never contacted me again after I replied.  This is NY so I am not surprised, but I am just curious as to the silence.  I hope he was not run over by a truck!

“I am realistic – I expect miracles.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

On Wednesday the musician took me to a French Restaurant.  Everything was great from the food to the conversation.  And we both had agreed to date again.   But, of course there is always a but.  While he was walking me to the train station the conversation turned to religion.  He questioned me a lot about my religious beliefs.  I am not sure I like that part very much.  I am all for healthy debates but I felt interrogated.   We sat at the train station and had a cocktail while I waited for the train.  I was intrigued that we got along so well and yet there is this huge divide.

He doesn’t believe in anything that cannot be proven.  I, on the other hand, don’t need proof of a God (whatever name you choose to call) or miracles, I believe in it with all my heart.  I believe in the Universe/God/Superior Power, something greater than me. I find comfort in that belief.  I believe in miracles and consider my life a blessing.  He wanted proof!  I said I was not one of those people that think that my belief is the right one, and I was not about to try to prove him wrong, but my belief is right for me!

I am open minded and always believed that as long as people respect each other’s opinions any relationship can work…today I am not so sure.  At that time it didn’t seem to be a big deal to have a difference of opinion, but today, a couple of days later, this seems way too big a difference to ignore.    He used the word “ridiculous” to describe the belief in things unseen and unproven, such as Christ, God, miracles, etc.  That seemed disrespectful to me now.

 “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -― Albert Einstein

Perhaps the ridiculous thing is for a believer like me to be with someone that thinks it is ridiculous to believe in something that you cannot see or prove.  Is it worth to see him again? I love believing in guardian angels, miracles, faith, hope, the Universe, etc I am thinking I need someone that will, at least, not think that that is ridiculous.  My faith and believe is such a huge part of me that if someone has an issue with that, then they have an issue with me.

Well, I have more to say, but not enough time, I need to make the next train, get home, get bagels, and then head to the airport.

ps. please forgive mistakes, typos, etc…written in a hurry!

 

 

Back to my waiting life!

27 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Fiction

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“Old places fire the internal weather of our pasts. The mild winds, aching calms, and hard storms of forgotten emotions return to us when we return to the spots where they happened.” ― Siri Hustvedt, The Sorrows of an American

I returned from Brazil 2 days ago.  In some instances it feels I have never left the US, in others it feels like I was away for years.  I am blessed to be a citizen of two countries, but at times I feel I belong in neither. I love taking time away and being with my family but I am happy to return as I cannot stay away from my routine for too long.   Is it the fear that things will fall apart in my absence? Or perhaps the opposite, the realization that all progresses very well in my absence?  I think it is a matter of being a control freak. I always come back renewed and hungry to improve in all areas of my life. I got use this momentum to get moving in the things I want to accomplish.

“Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru

A couple of highlights from last week: I met very interesting people at the airport.  (I will talk to anyone that makes eye contact 🙂 ) I met a young entrepreneur from Liechtenstein building a business that empowers women affected by human trafficking.  I will write more about him and his business as I learn more.  He introduced me to 2 women and a man from the Masai tribe in Tanzania.  They all had come to attend events celebrating The International Women’s Day at the United Nations in NY.  The 2 women spoke no English other than a couple of words.  The language barrier was replaced with smiles.  Later I was able to get M. (also from Tanzania and attending the event, but not from the tribe) to translate.  The two women from the tribe were shocked to find out I was not married and have no kids. One commented that I must have turned down many marriage offers.   G., one of the women said that she is sure God will send me a child as she made some gestures towards the sky.  I joked that I need a husband first.  It seems I am an anomaly in any culture or anywhere in the world.  Be it in the US or Tanzania, to be in my late 40s, never married and have no kids is shocking!

“Each person you meet is an aspect of yourself, clamoring for love.”  ― Eric Micha’el Leventhal

Meeting them was awesome for so many reasons! It renews my love of different cultures and this dream of travelling the word.  They were eager to invite me to visit them.  In that way they are like Brazilians; our doors are always open to new friends.  This chance encounter also reignited my volunteer flame. To me education for all girls, actually boys too, as well as men and women, especially in impoverished countries, is the key to a better future for all.  Knowledge brings empowerment. I have to find a way to do my part.

“To Whom Much is Given, Much is Expected” ― Luke 12:48

Being with my family is always a blast! We don’t always agree on everything, but whatever disagreements we have are normally out of too much love.   We eat, we laugh, we eat some more.  Who knew just one week could do so much damage to my waistline?  It is great to see that mom and dad are doing well! Dad has completely won his cancer battle! My brother and sister are thriving professionally with great plans towards the future.  To me happy people make plans.  Any time someone has plans to look forward to it, it shows their hope for the future.  Hope is the best thing a person can have, I cannot ask for anything else for them. My dad was always a homebody, which only got worse after he amputated his right leg, so it is great to see him getting out a bit more.  Lately, whenever I am in Brazil he agrees to spend one afternoon at the pool house and also to go to brunch at a winery.

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.”  ― Carol Saline

One low moment,  realizing that my sister and I get along better from a distance.  On the phone we rarely have disagreements, in person we get so critical and so defensive that at times we were unable to have a conversation.  I guess it has to do with expecting the best from each other, knowing what our potentials are and expecting more.   I am sure being identical twins contribute to that.  Anything I said seemed to spark defensiveness. Perhaps I should not call this a low moment but a huge opportunity.  An opportunity for more communication, more acceptance, more love and more self-awareness and self-reflection.  I need to look in the mirror, as I am sure that which I find fault in her is what I am guilt of. The best thing is feeling loved and well received and that is clear to see from all of them!  I am blessed with a great family!

“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” – Steve Maraboli 

Skiing is living and Making peace with all things Ex!

23 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” *

November 28, 2013

My skiing trip is all planned!  Whistler it is! I am so excited about this trip; I am like a kid going to Disney!  There are many things that make me happy about this trip, besides the pure love of skiing:

1)    Practice makes it perfect.  I enjoy realizing that with persistence and practice I can get better at anything I put my mind to it.  Nothing is unattainable!  I am not going to be an expert but I am going to improve until I am as comfortable skiing as I am walking.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” *

2)    Being challenged.  I love how challenging it is for me, and still I know I can conquer it.  The falling and getting up multiple times is a great lesson.  In skiing I don’t see not falling as a good thing; I see it as I am playing it safe, I am not challenging myself.  It is the perfect analogy for life.  We can get too comfortable in it and not strive to get better and reach our potential.  Our potential as human beings and God’s children is limitless.  The sky is the limit; we can have it all and do it all.   Keep on falling…and getting up.

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”*  

3)    Freedom from thought.  At the top of a snowy mountain is the only place and time in the world where my mind is totally thoughtless. There are times that I stop right at the top and I look around and I actually look for thoughts as I appreciate my smallness in the world. I feel this indescribable peace within me.  I feel so infinitely small before God’s amazing nature and yet so powerful and rich.  I feel blessed to be able to experience this.

“I’m alive. When I’m eating that’s all I think about. If I’m on the march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have to fight,it will be just as good a day as any to die. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life is the moment we are living now.”*

4)    Being self sufficient.  This trip was my idea, my decisions, my planning.  I am going alone and I just know it will be even more fun than I dream of.  This is a major step to being back to my very confident single self.  The world is my oyster, Whistler is just the beginning!

I want to live as I ski, boldly!  Falling and getting up, taking chances, combining tiny steps into long strides. Going forward always! Laughing in the face of fear!

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”* 

5)    Making new memories.  Finally and perhaps most important at this time, I will be making new memories in Whistler.  The memories I have of Whistler are all with Ex. I have to give him credit for introducing me to skiing and for making it all as comfortable and fun as possible.  It was because of him that I discovered and fell in love with skiing.  On the first day when I wanted to give up, he is the one that made me relax and try again.  Thank you Ex, I am forever grateful!

“Don’t think about what you’ve left behind” The alchemist said to the boy as they began to ride across the sands of the desert. “If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return.” *

******

Speaking of Ex, I realized that I don’t have to rebel and go against and let go of everything I enjoyed with Ex.

  “And, when you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward.” *

  • His mother.  I don’t have to stop talking to his mother.  My relationship with his mother has become even stronger.  There was a moment I thought about breaking it off, but I am glad I didn’t.  She is a cool person and the love we have for each other is genuine.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” *

  • Kansas City Chiefs. I spent a week at their training camp and learned the rules of the game by watching them.  I love an underdog because in many ways I feel like one.  Immediately after the breakup I gave all my jerseys away in an effort of erasing Ex out of my life, as if it was going to be that easy.   I have recently realized that I don’t need to find a new team.  The Chiefs are my team and that is final! All they need to do now is win a Super Bowl for me!! 🙂
  • Skiing and Tennis.  I never met anyone so athletic and so great at all sports as Ex.  ( is lying and cheating a sport?).  I plan on continuing trying to get better and enjoying both, skiing and tennis as much as possible and as much as my hip and shoulder will allow it.

“We are travelers on a cosmic journey,stardust,swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share.This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.” *

The fact is that my new (well, not so new) single life doesn’t have to revert to what it was before Ex.  My today is composed of all my yesterdays, of all experiences with every single person that came and comes into my life, even if for one moment.  I am a better person today because of all the good and bad experiences that people I have shared life with afforded me.  I am not going to try to forget them and pretend they never existed.  I am going to rejoice on them, learn from them and build upon them!

“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future.I’m interested only in the present”.” *

*All quotes are from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I was having an Alchemist kind of moment – it was hard not to quote the entire book!

Stupid, pathetic, emotional, crazy and just plain lovable me still dealing with Ex issues!

30 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli,

I have been promising an update on Ex for awhile now, so it is about time I step up and do it.  It is not really an update about Ex, but about my feelings about Ex.  He, I am sure continues to do well, not ever having any issues with this break up. He was always fine, he got rid of me the same way he changes a shirt.  Without a second thought, without blinking an eye.

I am not sure if I should envy or feel sorry for people that are able to get rid of people that easy. He was able to erase 3 years like it never happened. Why am I making someone in my life so important when clearly I meant nothing?

I didn’t really want to write this update because I know I am going to look foolish. First, why after 2 years I am still struggling with feelings regarding Ex? I am better and smarter than that! Second, why did I contact him? Yep, I had never contacted him in the last 2 years, I have replied every now and then when he contacts me, but I never reached out first.  So, why now? The answer is stupidity, plain stupidity!

For a moment I thought about not writing anything about it.  But the reason why I started this blog in the first place was Ex, so if I am to leave my true feelings about this situation out of this blog I may as well stop writing it. If it is not the whole truth, what is then the point?

I go through patches of feeling high on life and not thinking about Ex at all, to phases of thinking of him every night when my head hits the pillow.

Through the summer we exchanged emails and texts regarding tickets to the US Open.  I felt good about the exchanges. I bought tickets, sent him the check and he sent me the tickets. We never met or talked on the phone.  I was happy that he never proposed meeting in person to exchange tickets/cash.  I felt this was a step towards in the right direction.  I thought to myself: perhaps one day we can be friends.

“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…Share.” 
― Steve Maraboli

So on the opening night at the US Open I saw him walk in and take his seat.  Even thought my seat was across the stadium I knew exactly where his seats were and my eyes couldn’t help going there every few seconds until the moment I saw him walking in with the girlfriend.

I had a friend with me and I pointed him out to her and said: I am going to text him and tell him I see him. She said do it, and I did.  All I texted was : “I see you”

He didn’t reply anything until later on when he wrote: “I wish I had seen you”.  By then I had already realized what a big mistake I had done, actually 2 seconds after sending it I wished I could have taken it back.

I didn’t reply.

The next morning he sent another text saying sorry for not having offered me a ride home and saying he hoped I had stayed dry (it had rained the night before).

Again I should have remained silent but I couldn’t help it and wrote: “I don’t think your girlfriend would be too happy sitting in the back and I am not a backseat kind of girl!”

He replied:” She knows of my love for you and would have” My thoughts when I read this was of how delusional he can be thinking that any girl would agree with  that scenario.

I just laughed it off.  I didn’t reply anything anymore.  I should not have started anything to begin with.

And life went on as usual until September 19 when he wrote:”I am sorry for the troubles between our 2 countries. I want you to know that I love you and I hope all is well”

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” 
― Steve Maraboli

For some reason that text hit a chord.  I have received texts and emails from email from him before where he will say I love you, but this one hit a nerve.  It made me feel all kids of feelings. I was sad and angry.  I have to be completely honest here and say that I still liked getting texts from him, I still like hearing that he loves me.  But, what is the point?  Does he even know what love is? If he ever loved me he wouldn’t have treated me the way he did. Why do I need still this fake closeness? But I decided not to react and let it go. Feeling that my silence was the best reply.

This text came as I was going to Boston for the wedding. I thought to myself: perfect, now I will be an emotional basket case at this wedding.  Funny enough I was not.  I was happy my friend was getting married and at no point I wanted to be the one walking down the aisle. I was shocked at my being completely unemotional about it.  There were no thoughts of Ex, of what could have been, nothing!

But for some reason after returning home, all I have been doing is think of him and miss him all over again.  Re-reading that text made me angrier and angrier at him, at myself, at the world.  How dare him stir those feelings up? Why do I still miss him when I know he is not good for me?  It seems he has some kind of radar.  As I am not even remembering he exits there comes a text from him and revives everything inside me.

“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.” 
― Steve Maraboli

So the past few days I have been struggling and having the craziest of thoughts. Ready to hear it?  No, you are not ready, but I am going to tell you anyway.  I came very close to asking him if he wanted to go skiing together. Yes, how stir crazy is that?  I should be committed for letting such a thought enter my mind.  Thank God, there was a little voice inside of me with some common sense.

So a few days ago I texted him and asked him not to contact me ever again. Here is what I said: “Stop hurting me by mentioning the word love.  You don’t know the meaning of the word.  You don’t have any idea of my pain. I have accepted the reality long ago but that doesn’t lessen the pain.  Help me by forgetting I exist.  It should be easy for you. Do not contact me! I wish you happiness and success.”

I cringe when I read it now. I sound childish and stupid.  It is more like a love declaration then anything else.  But at the end of the day, it is honest and it was what I was feeling at the moment.  Impulsive Aries triumphs again. oh well…

Some people ask me, what does he want.  I think he wants to be my friend.  In his mind we are friends.  He wants his actions to be okay. He thinks he did nothing wrong and if I am his friend then that is a validation that he didn’t do anything wrong.

After my text he didn’t contact me again, as I knew he wouldn’t. So now on again to the process of recovery.  I am also motivated to make new memories.  I realize that some of my favorite memories are with him, so thinking of good things in my past involves thinking of him.  It is time for me to make new memories.   I am in a way looking to rewrite the past.

So the first new memory to be recreated will be Whistler, BC.  Skiing anyone?

The bottom line is: Two years have passed and I am back at the beginning! Sad realization! No conclusion, no great insight, just the need to take one step at a time and be good to myself.

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” 
― Steve Maraboli

Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

07 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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Congratulations are in order – my blog is 1 year old!!!!

So it is about time that it stops crawling and babbling and it starts walking and talking! But instead of progressing my blog seems to be regressing.  Ever the positive one, I see it as a good sign, a sign that I don’t need this security blanket anymore, I no longer need to write or I will explode.

Now I just want to write for the pure simple pleasure of writing!

My blog has identity crisis.  It doesn’t know what it wants to be when it grows up, actually my blog doesn’t want to grow up.  I think it is afraid of growing up.  It doesn’t want to take a stand, it just wants to be.

I have been absent – it is a fact! Things happened –  unplanned and some planned, and a bit of just pure laziness have kept me from posting.

I will not go through all that has been happening, as it would turn into a real long and boring post, instead I will just say that there has been:

Apartment flood issues (yes again, but this time at my rental.  My tenant was in a hotel for over 1 month, dare I say things are back to normal now?)

Refinance issues (the bank want what? the shoe size of my neighbor when I was 5 years old?  oh that seems reasonable! lol will it ever be finished?)

Regulatory issues at work – endless audits and questions. Not knowing if we will ever be compliant enough to be in business is very stressful, April 1 deadline looming closer and closer.

Personal issues -why can’t my mind and my body agree to be nice to each other? it is such an eternal battle.

Medical issues -Zumba and yoga put on hold, until doctors figure out why the right side of my body decided to revolt! x-rays and more x-rays here I come.

Ex issues – well this is not new, after all he is the reason this blog was born. But it never fails,  whenever I am starting to forget him he contacts me to ask me out.  Now the excuse is him wanting to take me out to celebrate my birthday at the end of the month. My reply: No thank you!

Vacation!!!! Thank God for time off and the chance to recover, renew and renovate.

I have navigated and I am still navigating all of those issues beautifully.

The following has helped me navigate these troubled waters:

Stopping and breathing!

Not saying everything that comes to mind when it comes to mind! (tough, tough, tough, such an exercise in restraint!)

Don’t say yes, when you really want to say no!

Knowing that nothing is worth a stress induced ulcer!

At the end of the day I know I am loved and blessed, constant self reminders are key not to lose focus!

What doesn’t kill me it will indeed make me stronger!

People have issues and whatever their reactions are it is not about me!

In vacation and in life, don’t sweat the small stuff!

Here are a few pictures of Snowmass, CO!  Awesome skiing!! Even after being sidelined a day with altitude sickness, I loved it!

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I have attempted to describe the beauty of it to friends, but it is impossible! You have to be there and see it with your own eyes.  Just majestic!!

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ps. Chief – Happy 8th birthday! You are the best dog in the world and I love you!! I may never see you again but you are always in my heart and prayers!  May St. Francis of Assisi guard and protect you always!

Chief's new toy

Day 18: Biggest Loser Ranch, Skiing Vacation or Sunny Island?

09 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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I just saw this Groupon offer for one week at the Biggest Loser Ranch and I came very close to booking it! They have 3 locations – Niagara Falls, Utah and Malibu, but the offer was only for 2 – Niagara Falls and Malibu.

For awhile I was already picturing myself hiking, eating meals prepared by health conscious chefs and getting massages.  I think that one week at the ranch would probably help me lose the pounds that I think I need to lose.

Since money is short these days I think that perhaps it is better to spend that money on some other vacation and lose the pounds on my own.

I think that if I really wanted I could lose those extra stubborn pounds by tweaking my eating habits a bit.

Could I really? If so, why haven’t I done that yet? Perhaps I don’t want it bad enough!!

Would I be better off spending the $1,700 (that was the offer price, which normally goes for $2,400) on some other vacation?

Would it be better to go to a skiing location and continue to improve my shaky beginning skiing skills? (which is by the way the plan this winter – improve my skiing).   Or perhaps I should relax body and mind and refresh my tan with a stay at a Caribbean island?

Perhaps if they were offering this promotion at the Utah location I would be more tempted. I have gone to Niagara Falls and to Malibu, but never to Utah.  And I could go skiing there also!

One thing is for sure: If that is what I have pondering over today, I certainly have no problems and nothing to complain about!

Life is amazing and I am blessed! and I know it!

 

One more step towards freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

11 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am happy because I choose to be happy.  It is a daily choice! Sometimes is a daily struggle.

Today is a struggle!

Since moving out of Ex’s house he has been calling, e-mailing and texting, mostly to say hello or something trivial,  but sometimes also adding that he is thinking of me, missing me and loving me.

Do I believe that? No! If he loved me I would still be there.

I have been trying to remain friendly as I do not believe in harboring resentments and being angry and enemies with anybody. But it is not working.

Every time he gets in touch it hurts me, it is a constant reminder that I still have feelings for him.  It reminds me that I still don’t know the reason why it ended.

Also at least once a week he used to invite me to dinner.  I have asked him to stop inviting me to dinner, which he obliged.

I have not asked him to stop getting in touch with me because we have one financial deal that will end in July and I didn’t want to make waves until then.

That was until now!  I cannot take it anymore.

I don’t care if I lose money anymore! I want my sanity! Just 5 minutes ago I called him and asked him to stop contacting me and only get in touch in July.

This afternoon he had sent me a picture of him wearing a shirt that we got on our vacation in Thailand saying he was thinking of me.  I completely fell apart.  He also mentioned looking at our skiing trip’s pictures.  I remember those trips,and many others,  the happiness, and how we seemed so perfect together.

I asked him to stop playing with my heart, stop playing games, stop getting in touch with me.  It infuriates me that he seemed shocked by my reaction, he seemed hurt and confused by my wanting to forget him.

It kills that he thinks that is perfectly normal to be dating someone (he confirmed he is dating someone, not the same person that he was dating at the time we broke up, he already moved on from that one or perhaps she wised up quickly) and still be calling me and saying he loves and misses me.  How can he not see how much that hurts me?

How can he think that that is normal? It is amazing his ability to make me feel like I am the one that is not being reasonable.

For the record he has maintained that we cannot be together because he has to concentrate on all his businesses and volunteer work and cannot be the boyfriend/partner I need him to be.  He says some of his businesses are in jeopardy and he cannot protect me. Bunch of bs as far as I am concerned. Disingenuous at best.

So I was lying in bed crying and realized that that was not helpful so now I am sitting and crying- lol

I cannot wait for the day that I will look back and laugh at all this!

I am trying to look at the good side, I am trying to find the good side. I am happy I took a stand and right now don’t care if I ever hear from him again (I so want to believe those words!). I guess deep down inside perhaps I still had hopes. I never thought I would say this, but, sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing!