Tag Archives: Dating

Day 15: … and the chocolate cake of choice is

06 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by in Dating, Food

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So here it is the cake of choice:

Bittersweet Chocolate Cake (Milk Chocolate Ganache)

It was delicious but it didn’t taste like I expected it would.  In a way it was kind of a let down.  Chocolate doesn’t taste the same to me anymore.

I feel chocolate doesn’t have a hold on me anymore.  I feel freed from an addiction!  Even though AL and I shared that small dessert, there was even some left.  Today I bought hot chocolate for a co-workers and chose coffee for myself.

I know that at another time of the month (pms) I will crave chocolate and indulge in it, but it feels great not to feel controlled by it anymore.  It feels great not to want it!

Don’t get me wrong, I battle sugar constantly, some days are easier than others, but I feel that conquering chocolate is progress and brings me closer to having a normal relationship with sugar.

***

So last night, we had a great meal at a local restaurant called Alvin and Friends http://www.alvinandfriendsrestaurant.com!  I had Caramelized Salmon with Roasted Potatoes, Asparagus, Pot Likker Butter Sauce.  AL had Braised Curried Lamb Shank with Black Eyed Pea Vegetable Salad, Lemon-Truffle Vinaigrette.  Both dishes were delicious!  But we both still vote the duck the best dish there – and I am not even a duck person!!

Followed by conversation, music and even some Sunday night football!

Life is amazing and it keeps getting better all the time!! 🙂

 

Day 4: All I want to hear is: I am sorry!

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am thinking that this itching could be emotional.

The sad truth is that lately I have been thinking about Ex too much. No, I don’t want him still or anything like that, but I still cannot get over the fact that he never acknowledged his wrongdoings.  He never acknowledged that his actions were disrespectful and hurtful.

All I want is a “I am sorry”,  that is it!

But I know better! I know I will never get that! So why can’t I let it go?

I guess this being the 1 Year Anniversary of when everything fell apart doesn’t help either.

I still don’t understand what happened and where did the so called “love” go!

I know that I cannot move forward until I let go of the past! And I had thought I had!  But I guess that is how the grieving process goes, some times you have to go back to a stage that you thought you were done with.

***

The worst doctor ever gave me a dosage of 10mg of a prescription that according to my pediatrician friend she gives 4 times that to babies.  No wonder the itching has continued!!

***

On a bright note,  I have a fun date tonight. I am going to the Counting Crows concert with this guy that I have been seeing for the past 2 months.  It is not serious as the age difference is a bit too much, but it is serious in the sense that we are not seeing other people.

****

The cartoon below doesn’t reflect my situation but it was too funny to pass it up!

 

What I have been up to lately …

28 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I have been silent – here! In non-virtual life I still talk too much, volunteer and share too much! 🙂  I guess hurting over still loving Ex was providing me with the inspiration/motivation to write.  Once love turned to anger and now to plain nothingness the urge and need to write or I will explode is no longer here.

I still love the written word and wish to find the motivation from within and from daily life to continue blogging.

I lurk around some of my favorite blogs but can’t even seem to muster motivation to comment or even like, perhaps I have been trying to disappear?? At moments like this I wish I had a therapist on speed dial that I could call and ask!

Here is a quick update of my life:

Mom is in town visiting from Brazil, so my routine has been totally changed.  I am exercising less and eating more, which as everyone knows it is not a great combination!!   Mom believes that food is love, so rejecting her food is the same as rejecting her love.  As the good daughter that I am I just eat and say how good everything is!

We have already spent a weekend at Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods Casinos in CT.   We didn’t lose too much so that to me is winning!  We have already done more shopping than will fit in her luggage.  And somehow any time I take her shopping I end up buying more than she does.  A Broadway show and The Museum of Natural History will be next!

The Ex got wind that my mother is in town and has e-mailed me to take us out to dinner.  I have continued to remain silent and ignore it. Still it is annoying the fact that he thinks all is fine enough to go out and have dinner together! Clueless!

Work is work.  No challenges and mysteries any more.  Too predictable at times, it can be boring but there is some comfort in the same old same old.

I continue to do Pilates twice a week and still adore it, even though some times in the middle of an exercise I feel more like crying and giving up.  I continue to hit tennis balls against a wall and take lessons every now and then as weather and my instructor’s schedule permits.

I have not returned to Zumba, for now I do it at home.  I turn on youtube, put on my favorite short shorts and just dance like a wild woman in my living room.  I make sure to close the curtains as not to scare any of my neighbors.

My mosaic project is still in the middle and my French has also stalled.  Will go back to it, but lately not much into forcing myself to do anything I don’t want to! 🙂

I have been seeing a much younger man.  I don’t want to call it dating; in fact I am not sure what to call it.  Yes I know all that is wrong with it!   I am taking it one day at a time and trying not to think too much about it or make too many plans.  I like spending time with him and for now that is enough for me.  I am living the right now and allowing myself not to think of the future.  I know it will not last forever – nothing does!!

I may wake up tomorrow and decide that I want a commitment, but for now dinners out and movie nights are exactly what the doctor ordered.

Lucky me! I saw Ex and got to meet the new girlfriend! :(

10 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by in Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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As I had mentioned before I had  been staying away from the US Open this year for fear of running into Ex. We share a loge box so we would be seated together if I went and used my seats.  The only day that I thought I was safe to go was on the second Friday which is the Women’s Semi Final’s day because no one cares to watch that.  He has never attended it.

So on Friday morning I was having a very frustrating day at work and with some additional personal problems that I was getting nowhere in trying to get resolved I decide to just leave it behind and go to the Open.  I still had the tickets, because as I mentioned you can’t give them away, let alone sell it. So I decided to go.

I get there and I am sitting and enjoying the match when all of a sudden there is a tap on my shoulder as someone says my name.  I turn around and I am face to face with Ex.  I think I stopped breathing for a second. I was shell shocked.  He said: How are you? I said fine thanks. He says to the woman sitting next to him: I recognized her by the ring!  I was wearing this big blue daisy cocktail ring.

And of course the woman next to him is the new girlfriend.  He points to her and says to me: this is M. Of course I knew her name but had never seen her face.  She extended her hand, I shook it and said hello, smiled and immediately turned to the front to continue watching the game.  I was shaking. I had a million emotions go through me in the space of seconds. To have 2 of the last people you ever want to see sitting behind you is very disconcerting.  He tapped me again on the shoulder and said he was going to get water if I wanted anything.  humm, do I want anything? Can you give me a order of you and your girlfriend disappearing from my face?

I have to say that this new girlfriend strikes me as being a good person, probably too good for him. I felt like warning her. But of course it is none of my business. I truly wish them both happiness, I just don’t want to witness it.

I didn’t last long sitting there.  I gathered my stuff got up and left without making eye contact. I stood outside recomposing myself. I think I was outside for 15 minutes deciding if I would go home or not.  I decided to return and do what I had intended from the beginning: watch a game that I love.

I went back and sat down and concentrated on the game.  After awhile I heard them leaving and I thanked heaven.  But after 1 hr they returned. But by then I was doing better.  Until she gets up and goes somewhere and he taps me on the shoulder to make small talk.  He asks me how my tennis is going. I try as best as I could to form some coherent sentence. I said something about tennis lessons going well, then I said lessons were over.  I felt my speech slurred.  Thank God the game re-stared and I turned around to watch it.  But at that moment when I turned around, I could feel the tears flooding my eyes and I fought hard not to start crying.  I was successful.

When the game was over we all got up and again he tapped my arm and said bye and she said nice to meet you and honestly I don’t remember if I  said anything back or not.

Later that night he sends me a text:

“You look great and it was very nice to see you.  I am sorry if I said or did anything that made you uncomfortable.  There were so many things I want to talk to you about but I will refrain until you tell me it is ok, love you, good night.”

I saw his text the following morning and immediately it hit me and I managed to control the tears.  I know it is okay to cry but lately I am trying to hold back unless I am facing my wailing wall http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/09/06/1327/ .  Each time I cry it feels I am giving him power.  I know that the tears now have a different meaning.  They are no longer tears of sadness and longing.  It is mostly tears of anger.

I tried my best not to reply.  I reached out to the one person that I felt would understand me best without judging any of my feelings.  I felt he would set me straight and convince me to continue to remain silent.  He was not available!  That is the problem with relying on others for strength.  What happens when they are not available or willing? So from now on complete reliance in me and the God within me!

So unfortunately I replied.  I know, I know, that was a temporary step back on my progress. But now it is done. And I cannot undo the past.

Here is the stupidity that I replied to him last night:

“If you only knew the extent of my pain! I don’t know from where the tears still come from.  You two look happy together! I wish you both only the best! May she make you happy like I was not able to! May you respect her like you you did not respect me!”

After 10 minutes I added: (yep, mistake number 2)

“I just wish I could understand what happened with the love you said you had for me.”

I sent the texts and went to bed crying.  I cried myself to sleep! I promise it is the last time!!

Of course he has not replied!  and I am okay with that.  I didn’t expect he would.  He doesn’t like to be questioned.  Any time I had any questions he would go into avoidance and silence mode. Yep, those should have been big clues.  I am also happy and relieved that he didn’t reply because I shouldn’t be having any conversations with him.

And of course I know better than to reply to him!  I know that he doesn’t know what love is! I know that he has no conscience of how he disrespected me!  And the most important:  It does not matter what answers he may be able to give me! Nothing will change!  I am over and done with that part of my life! I am better! In fact I should really thank him for letting me go.

***

But I think that all these happenings help me to continue to move forward!  Even if replying to his text was a mistake, I am not dwelling on that!

Amid all the pain and tears this weekend I had great moments!  I watched some great tennis matches!

Also I went out to dinner with a great guy.  We have gone out several times now and it has been a lot fun! Since I don’t want to jinx it I will refrain from writing too much about it at this moment!

I may end up having to eat my words when I wrote this:  http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/10-reasons-not-to-date-a-younger-guy/

(all images from Google images)

 

Welcome to my e-Harmony profile!

30 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by in Dating

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(tomorrow is the last day of my subscription with e-Harmony, please see this post for more on that subject: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/07/26/counting-the-days-until-i-am-free-from-e-harmony/ )

A fellow blogger and reader has been curious about my e-Harmony profile.    I think he believes there could lie the answer to my lack of responses problem.

As far as the pictures are concerned (no I will not be posting them) they show me on vacation, and doing stuff I enjoy such as skiing, watching tennis at the US Open, etc.  In hindsight perhaps I should have added one or 2 pictures of my fabulous cleavage – lol.

So, Chris this if for you!  Start dissecting it! lol

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

There are a lot people that have contributed to who I am and where I am.  I will be glad to discuss it in person.  I believe that everyone that comes into your life has something to teach you.
What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

Honesty and Respect are two of the most important qualities I expect in a person. I am looking for someone with a good heart, someone that loves and respects his parents. I want someone that is happy in his work , if not then striving to do something else. I want someone that will love me, honor and cherish me.  I want a partner in life and for life, someone that I can dream and plan with.

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

My smile and happy attitude. I like to be friendly and to make other people feel comfortable.

What is the ONE thing that people DON’T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

I wish they would realize how unique, real and honest I am.  I like speaking the truth and being myself and not trying to represent something I am not. I would also like for people to know that I am happy to be alive and feel blessed for each day.  I would like people to know that all joking and laughing aside I am a great friend on hard times too!

What are five things that you “can’t live without?”

  1. Faith in a powerful being and the Universe.
  2. My family that supports me no matter what!
  3. Weekends, a chance to renew.
  4. Work, classes, being productive in society.
  5. The belief that the love of my life is out there.

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Peace is every Step: The path of mindfulness in everyday life by Thich Nhat Hanh.   I am still reading it, but benefiting from it very much.  It is about discovering the peace within and living the present moment (something I, sometimes have a problem with.
Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?

I am fun, honest, love life and I am grateful for every moment.  I want to find an equal fun, honest and grateful person. I have a lot to offer.  I am a self made person who has worked hard for what I have. I have been away from my family since I was 17 yrs old.  I try to go to Brazil twice a year to see them. I hope that my partner will come with me.

What are you most passionate about?

I am passionate about leading a good life and about helping my family. I am originally from Brazil but have been living in the US for over 2 decades. I enjoy improving myself and learning new things.  I love traveling.  I like to attend any live events from sports to opera.  I enjoy skiing and playing tennis even though I am just a beginner at both sports.  I enjoy eating great food and quiet nights sipping wine.  I enjoy reading self improvement and inspirational books and blogs. I am also passionate about finding a partner in life that appreciates honesty and respect. I want to be your muse and to make you smile.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

  1. Life and God.  Each new day is a gift and a chance to improve.
  2. My great family: mother, father, brother and sister.
  3. Hope and Faith. My positive outlook in life.  The certainty that no matter what I will always be fine!

The four things your friends say about you are: (chosen from a list of about 30 items)

Optimistic

Intelligent

Hard-working

Passionate

What are three of my best life skills? (chosen from a list of 10 items)

Achieving personal goals

Maintaining an organized life

Managing my finances
How do you typically spend your leisure time?

In my free time I enjoy pampering myself with a massage or manicure,etc.  I enjoy walking around my neighborhood and discovering new places. I enjoy spending time with friends and family.  I enjoy going to live events and eating out. I enjoy dancing, playing tennis and board games. I also go to the gym, even though I do not enjoy it very much. At times I try to be still, mindful of my breath and think how blessed I am. I enjoy a good book or a good tv show.  I enjoy a variety of things.  I can have fun doing anything – it all depends on the right company.

Counting the days until I am free from e-harmony!

26 Thursday Jul 2012

Posted by in Dating

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I joined e-Harmony about 5 months ago. When I joined I didn’t have grand illusions of finding “the One”. I simply wanted to go on dates every now and then. I guess my real hope was that the attention of men would keep my mind off of Ex.

From the beginning e-Harmony was a letdown. In the second month I wrote about it: http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/05/14/so-far-e-harmony-sucks/

From there things just gotten worst!

I am glad that my sentence, I mean subscription, is coming to an end at the end of the month. I am tired of feeling rejected by people that I don’t even know and that don’t even know me.   I think that there is something very wrong with e-Harmony.  I don’t know what the problem is, but there has to be an explanation for the lack of responses I have received.  And I know, I know that some of you know at least one couple that met through e-Harmony, still I think that the number of happy couples is probably very low when compared with the number of total members they have.

I have an honest profile (describing exactly who I am and what I want) and honest pictures (nothing professional, but pictures showing what I love to do, skiing, at the US Open, on vacation). What I want in a man? Honesty is the number one requirement. I want a man that likes himself, likes to travel, has a good heart, has a sense of humor. I appreciate a man that loves his family, likes animals and is curious about the world. It would be nice if he likes sports – both watching and playing. I want a man that is spiritual and believes in God.  I want a man that looks to improve himself, physically and mentally.  I don’t think I am asking too much.  At any rate, I am only asking for what I am willing to offer.

I have had a grand total of 1 date! Yes only 1! I know it is quality and not quantity that I should be after but only 1 in 5 months sounds a bit ridiculous. I must say that that one date was terrific even though there was no love connection. I wrote about it here:  http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/05/29/first-e-harmony-date/ I am even going to visit him in a couple of weeks. So I should count myself lucky for having made a friend.  But honestly I signed up to get dates.

The last couple of months I wasn’t even checking e-harmony anymore. I just have been waiting for my subscription to be over, so that I stop feeling like I am paying to be rejected.

But to make sure that I had given it my 100% effort, 2 weeks ago I made a point of sending every single match that they sent me an ice-breaker saying: “I would love to chat”. I sent it to everyone, and when I say everyone I mean everyone!! I wanted to test it.  I figure that if I didn’t wait to be contacted and reached out to everyone I would at least get some responses.  I expected that out of the 30/40 men a few would reply and I would know, at least, that there are some live matches and would be able to at least think that e-harmony was doing their job.

So after 2 weeks guess how many responses I received. NONE!.  No kidding, not a single one! I don’t know about you, but I find that incredible!  To me that means something is horribly wrong with their site or matching system. They are probably matching me with people who are no longer registered in the service and therefore no longer receiving ice-breakers (they keep the profile of non-members up).  Also, I specified I wanted people closer to me and they give me matches from places as far as Singapore and Australia, to name a few.

No matter what the reason is, it was just a confirmation that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I don’t even want to ask for my money back. I believe they did me a favor.  Ultimately it was a blessing not to be bombarded with e-mails and engage in relationships right after the break-up. The time alone has been intensely rewarding and necessary.  From starting my blog to tennis lessons, from reaching out to old friends to making new ones, I am busy and happy!

I believe that trying to take shortcuts after a breakup eventually backfires.  I was trying to immediately replace Ex.  I failed to realize that a relationship that lasted 3 years, and that for the most part was amazing deserved my respect.  I had to spend time feeling the pain fully, mourning the end of a dream and going through all of the 5 stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance) . I was trying to skip steps, trying to run before I can even walk, and in the end that would  have caused more heartaches.

What next? Match.com? Plenty of Fish? No more online dating for me! At least not for now – I do reserve the right to change my mind.  As far as e-harmony I will not change my mind, I am never doing that again!

For now I am staying put just going about my day and pursuing my interests.  I am making a point of being fully present in the moment, loving and living each moment to the best of my ability.

I am working on myself, mind, spirit and body and being the best that I can.  I do have my eyes, heart and mind open and when that lucky guy comes around (and perhaps he is already here) I will be more ready, better able and ever willing!

So officially on August 1 I am free from e-harmony! So, goodbye it has not been fun!

The Burial

18 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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This is about my final (I hope) meeting with Ex. I know in my heart that I will eventually be friends with him, but for now I just need and want distance and peace!

Before the meeting:

I am anxious and scared! Am I scared that I will end up in bed with him like every meeting before? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I am scared that I will get emotional looking at him and thinking about what we had.

I am scared that  I will bombard him with questions about things that no longer matter, such as the new girl in his life. It doesn’t really matter if the new girl is tall or short, young or old.   What is the point of wanting to know those details?

I don’t want to list all he has done wrong.    He knows what he did! And having him, once again not acknowledging my pain and his role in it it will just hurt me further.  (and yet I know that I am responsible for my feelings and reactions and that he cannot cause me pain if I don’t let him)

One thing is for sure, it does feels amazing though to be over him!  It feels powerful to not care what he thinks of me anymore.  It feels incredible that he doesn’t hold my heart in his hands anymore!

So today there are no preparations for his arrival.  There is no hair done, nails, waxing.  There is no incense burning, there is not special dress or lingerie.

I can’t wait until this is over.  This is similar to the feeling I feel right before I need to go in for another dental surgery.  I am sitting in the waiting room listening to the sound of the drill coming from another room knowing that I am next. Feeling the pain before the pain.

***

After

I am an emotional wreck! Amazing that I am here writing, but thanks to divine intervention I didn’t curl up and die, I washed my face and snapped out of it!

The moment that I closed the door on him leaving, the moment that I closed the door to my past, the phone beeps.  It is a friend texting and in a way it is future calling.  It is God telling me to look forward and stop looking back!  And I hear it loud and clear.

But let me back up and give you a summary of the evening.

I met Ex in the front of my building and he hugged me hello.  It was awkward and I felt absolutely nothing!  I thought I would cringe at his touch, but I didn’t, but at the same time I didn’t feel like staying in his arms.  I am grateful that he didn’t go for a kiss hello.

We went to one of the Mexican Restaurants in the neighborhood.

I am already crying.  I am  crying from the second I saw him! I am one of those people that cry at any funeral, even if I don’t know the deceased. And in a way this is a funeral. I am attending the funeral of a fairy tale that has died a long time ago but it never got a proper burial until today.

We sit at the restaurant and I realize that I don’t know how to act. I can’t speak, I stutter.  I play with the napkin and utensils.  I am grateful he sat next to me and not accross from me so that I don’t have to look at him.

But love is a beautiful thing! I still think about his feelings, and I don’t feel like hurting him, and I know that my silence would. So, summing up a strength that I didn’t think I had, I start talking like I would talk to a friend. I tell him about my tennis lessons and my Pilates sessions.  He tells me about his businesses and volunteer work.  We manage to get through dinner and even have a few laughs.

We walk to my place because we have to finalize some paperwork, after all that is the reason he came here in the first place.  In 30 minutes we are done with the paperwork. But of course it would be too simple if that was the end of it!

He makes the mistake of inviting me to a couple of big events that are coming up that we used to attend together, and also another one that is an once in a lifetime thing that I have been dying to attend.  And that is when I can no longer hold it in.

I let it all flow, tears and words. I say all that I have inside. I talk about the hurt, the betrayal, I talk about the things I know for a fact he did, I talk about my disbelief that  he would throw a beautiful story away.

Everything that I didn’t want to ask about, I ask. Everything I didn’t want to mention, I do.

Through it all he remains mostly quiet, speaking up a few times to defend himself and to say that he didn’t know where I was getting my information from.  He mentions loving more than I would ever know. He once again says that timing for us is not right, he has to focus on his business and children.  He says he is not really dating, but seeing the girl once in awhile and spending most of his time alone, as if that somehow is supposed to makes things ok, as if that makes any sense.

I tell him not to invite me to anything and stop pretending that we are still a couple. I tell him to stop playing with my feelings and hurting me.

I was not planning on falling apart, but we all know that things don’t normally go according to plan. I don’t regret anything I said.  I also know that he didn’t really hear all I said.  He is not ready to hear and understand and acknowledge what he has done.

At the end he cried also, but I cannot tell you if there was any truth in those tears.  I would like to believe that he did have feelings for me and that he also mourns the end of our story. But I just don’t know. And I am happy to say I don’t care!

At one point he hugged me and kissed me on top of my head.  And I let him.  We stayed like that for a couple of minutes.  And then it was done.  I was ready to bury the pain, the hurt, the love, the good times, everything.

He says good night, I silently close the door! I am still crying, not from missing him or seeing him leave.  I am crying from exhaustion, from hurt, from anger, from love. My whole body aches. I think that is the feeling a marathon runner feels at the end of a race:  happy exhaustion!

At this point I am standing against the door that I just closed, unable to move. My phone beeps. It is text from a friend asking how I am. That is the beauty of life, the realization that I didn’t need to stay in that pain.  The beautiful feeling of having someone care and wonder how I was feeling.

His text and subsequent phone call were a sign from God.  His voice comes through the phone and into my ears as a hand passing over my hurt and slowly removing the dark pain.  Hearing his voice soothes me.  Hearing his voice brings me back to reality and out of the “poor me” state I was ready to drown myself in.

I realized that this perfectly timed text and phone call was God working in His mysterious way.   This person unknowingly provided me with the bridge from my past to my future.

I have learned what I needed to learn and I grateful for Ex for everything he has taught me – good and bad.  I am better than before I met him and for that I am thankful.  I am also thankful for him for helping me become the person I am today.

I have put the love and care that I have for him in a special place. I worry about him and pray that he finds contentment.

So now the past is buried and I am eager for my future, alone or with someone special.  I know God has a plan, so I have no need to worry or have any doubts.  I have always known that no matter what I am always going to be ok! And that knowledge is priceless!

Now as far as my heart goes, you can just call it Timex!

***

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nicklachey/icanthateyouanymore.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UbWTBoh7G4

Thank you for reading and supporting me and sending me your love!

How young is too young?

07 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 45 Comments

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Animated Babies

(Picture courtesy of http://www.free-animations.co.uk)

I am sitting in the usual car of my usual train this morning playing with my phone when I have this feeling one gets when you have a pair of eyes on you.  I look up and I see this guy sitting 4 rows across from my seat staring at me.

I think to myself that dressing better on Thursdays is already paying off.

I don’t have to dress up for work.  As a matter of fact I could wear pajamas if I wanted to, but as a courtesy to my fellow train riders and my fellow New Yorkers I normally wear jeans or something as casual.

I wish I had a uniform so that I didn’t have to think of what to wear every morning (or the night before).  Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of clothes, specially now that I lost the chocolate weight and can get into a whole side of my closet that had been lying dormant for the past couple of years. I am just not creative when it comes to putting outfits together.

Because I know that if you dress better you feel better I figure I will start with dressing better on Thursdays, which happens to be my favorite day of the week. And hopefully that will get me motivated to add other days until, voila, I am dressing well the whole week!  Also, dressing better is a way of saying to the world, and most importantly to myself, that I matter enough to be concerned with how I look.

Anyway, going back to being stared at in the train…

This is a good looking young guy.  How young?  I am not sure, but I would venture a guess of low 30s.  Hummm, I am 46! So I am thinking to myself is he too young for me? Of course I am jumping the gun, for all I know he is staring at the lady behind me or next to me.

Why can’t I just relax and stare back?  Well, for beginners, I don’t know how. I don’t know how to sultrily look at any guy flirting with me. I am a big flirt but only after I met someone. The moment I have a stranger’s eyes on me I start either giggling or grinning like a Chesire cat.  I am sure guys are left scratching their heads thinking: what is wrong with her?  When I was a teen my sister would say:  Stop that grinning and giggling, they will think you have mental problems. Well, perhaps I do have mental issues because after 30 years my first reaction still is to giggle and grin.

Somehow I am able to hold my compusure and continue playing with my phone while attempting to give him quick glances.

The train arrives at Grand Central Station and I leave first. I have taken only a few steps and he is right next to me and says hello.  Up close he is even more handsome.  And YOUNG!!! He is just a baby! He looks late 20s max. I am disappointed, but still so flattered.

He asks me if I have time for breakfast and the only thing I say is: How old are you? Well I am nothing if I am not direct and to the point!  There is no guessing what I am thinking.

He says: 25, almost 25.

Oh, good God, is this a test?

I giggle! there comes the giggling again and I say: I could be your mother!

Somehow I think he has gone through this before because he lists a whole bunch of reasons why it doesn’t matter:

It is only breakfast!

You look 30!

Age is just a number!

I was always mature for my age!

You can have breafast with a friend, can you?

I give him extra points for having the guts of approaching me.  I find that a lot men are afraid of rejection so they don’t even try.  Perhaps he is too young to actually feel rejected – lol.  I politely say I am flattered but that it was best to skip breakfast.  I wish him luck and go.

Now, I know that it was only breakfast and perhaps I missed a chance of making a friend, but believe me I have been there before.  I have dated embarassingly young guys before, and in this case there is no such thing as just breakfast.

Still, I am flattered and more than ever motivated to dress up on Thursdays.  And it got me thinking:  What is my cutoff age?  How old is too young for me? since I am 46, I am thinking that a 10 year difference in either direction is okay.

but of course that is not set in stone!

By the way, for the record, I hate the label “cougar”!

(please see http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/ for my list of 10 reasons not to date a younger man)

First e-harmony Date

29 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Reviews

≈ 43 Comments

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I would say that my first e-Harmony date went pretty well.  Everything close to perfect. It would have been perfect if I had liked him in a romantic way.

There was no chemistry.  At least on my part. Him?  I can safely say he was smitten and wants to pursue a relationship.

Let me give you a summary of the date.  We met in the lobby of his hotel (he is from another state). From there we took a cab to the Hurricane Club http://thehurricaneclub.com/

The place was a little louder and larger than I would have liked for a first date, but we started talking and enjoying ourselves that we just forget the loudness and largeness of the place.

The food was great. I specially enjoyed the Double-Crispy Beef.  The meat is so tender it melts in your mouth. Of course I had to have dessert and even though I am not eating chocolate for now, I managed to enjoy some of the Samoan (angel food cake, coconut and caramel). Coconut is my second favorite thing in the world.

Now, ladies and gents, I have a question.  Is it okay to take home the leftovers when you are on a date?  I hate to waste, specially food, so there was no way I was going to leave that beef behind.

**

From there he wanted to go to a roof top bar.  One would think that because I have been working in Manhattan for the past 12 years I would have a good idea of where to go – I didn’t! I managed to get lost while trying to find this one bar that I used to go to years ago.  We ended up near the Empire State and he suggested we go up.

Perhaps kind of lame, but it was great!

Even though they were announcing zero visibility we could see plenty. We stopped awhile at the 86th floor observatory and from there we went all the way to 102.

There were no lines, barely anyone was going up since they said you couldn’t see anything. I think that employees just wanted to leave early or something, you could see everything. The pictures don’t do justice to the view.

After that we took a pedicab to Times Square, and then walked to Grand Central, where we said good bye and I took my train home.

He was a true gentleman, evertyhing was perfect, the conversation flowed, we have the same values and habits, but I couldn’t see myself kissing him. And that to me is a deal breaker. If I can see myself kissing this person there is no way this can go any further.

What is your test to see if a second date is warranted? Does chemistry can suddenly materialize? I don’t think so, I think is either there or not there.

He has e-mailed and I replied saying I want to be just friends. He replied again and ignored that and when on to ask me how I want to be treated.

I am glad I got the first date out of the way. It was fun playing tourist and doing things I never done before (Empire State at night and pedicab ride). I was lucky that it went so well.  It got my spirits and hopes revived.

Next!!