Tag Archives: online dating

Still Sweet, but not yet the One

27 Thursday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“There sits the skiff – over there perhaps is the entryway to the great nothing. But who wants to board this “perhaps”?” ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Mr. Sweet continues to be sweet and kind.  But he is not the One… at least not right now.  Right now he is a friend that I go to dinner with every now and then.

He had already told me he didn’t want to date seriously and wanted “to see what is out there”.  Well, I have seen what is out there and it is pretty grim.  Kidding, but not really.

Even though he said he would continue dating, I was under the impression that he was not.  I took his excitement about me as a sign that he would not be interested in looking for anyone else.  I assumed that the reason his Match profile had disappeared was because he was focused only on me.  I assumed that with all the attention/daily texting/calling, that I was the only one.  All my assumptions were not based on reality, but based on what my heart wanted and the stories that sometimes I tell myself.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. Montgomery, Emily’s Quest

I normally follow: “pay attention to a man’s action and not his words”, and this time that is what tripped me up.  I should have taken his word at face value.   He said he was going to date other people, why would I read in his behavior anything else?

I don’t like to have regrets, but I do regret passing on some people on Match that seemed great just because I thought this was going the distance.  And now they are gone.  Oh well, if they were for really me they wouldn’t be gone, would they?  So I digress, no regrets!

“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” ― Marcel Duchamp

My heart got excited and forgot to do a reality check about the situation. For starters, his divorce is only just starting, and it looks like it is going to be a long war.  There is a prenuptial agreement involved, but mediation fell through, and she is now ignoring his attorney’s letters.

Then there is the fact that I agree he should stay single, go on dates, have fun. I do not believe someone coming out of a long-term relationship (in this case a 27-year marriage) should immediately embark on another.  

While I am not sure what I want, I did think we had a good thing going and didn’t want him dating around.  I wanted to see where we could go. The future seemed so bright for us, or so I dreamed!

“Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps.”― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

I don’t want to date someone seriously while the person is dating around.  So, for now we are not seriously dating, or dating seriously.  We are dating, meaning we go out to dinner, bars, ect. A kiss every now and then, but that is it.  And I am even rethinking the kissing.  Not because I am a prude, but because I want to protect my heart from getting too tangled up in something not serious.

While dating multiple people may be appealing to some, I now prefer to date intentionally, one person at a time.  I may go on many dates, but if I have more than 2 dates with someone then that is where I will focus my attention and energy.

I must understand that his wanting to see what is out there is not about me. It is about him.  That is the distinction I need to make.  I was taking it all personally.  This is not a rejection, but an opportunity.  Feeling rejected make us victims and take our power away.  This is an opportunity to explore my feelings, wants and needs.

“When things do not go your way, remember that every challenge — every adversity — contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I can’t complain about him.  This is not about him; this is about my feelings and my interpretation of this new relationship.  We agreed on honesty on day 1 and he has lived it up to that.  He continues to be honest, kind and thoughtful.  In this just over 1-month relationship we have met several times alone and 3 times with my sister and my friend.   He continues to bring my sister bagels every time we meet.

The last time we saw each other was Saturday when we went to dinner and walked around NY City with my sister and friend.  He brought his professional camera and took many pictures of us in Times Square.  Always smiling and happy to help, that is something that we share.

“Love can only be found through the act of loving.” ― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

He wanted to try to meet this week:

I am busy with my friend. It is her last week here, so I want this week to be about her.  Also, if I am being completely transparent (and I aim to be) I hate the feeling that he is fitting me among a bunch of dates.

I am excited about his friendship though.  I know that no matter what happens we will remain friends, and I love that part.

He continues to be Mr. Sweet, but there could be Mr. Sweeter for me around the corner.  Or even the Sweetest of them of all.  Or perhaps what I really need is Mr. Semi-Sweet.   I guess I got hurry up and go see what is out there.  Yet Again.

“People say they find love, as if it were an object hidden under a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Still here, still busy, still happy

15 Saturday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.” ― Thomas A. Edison

One of my and my sister’s best friend arrived from Brazil on October 8 to stay until the end of the month, so my busy life got even busier.  But also more fun.

Work continues to interfere with my peaceful and fun life.  The audit is still not finished.  Every few days I get some new request.  And then there are other work stuff.  New brokers being hired, new products being brokered, etc. In the end, it all works out, but until then I struggle.

I am growing so tired of my job. But I will talk about that in a next post.

“Don’t become complacent because ‘things could be worse’ but rather get busy because ‘things could be better’.” ― Bobby Darnell, Time For Dervin – Living Large In Geiggityville

Last Sunday my sister, my friend and I went to Philadelphia to visit a friend.  His birthday is coming up so as an early birthday present we took him and his wife to dinner.  First we stopped at their house and had some cold cuts, cheeses, and a couple of yummy homemade breads that they had ready for us.  His wife is a great baker.  We left with breads and scones as gifts. 

After leaving their home we went to downtown Philadelphia. We walked around sightseeing, saw the Liberty Bell, and then went to dinner at Amada Restaurant.  

Amada is a tapas restaurant.  I love tapas, I love sharing food.  They did tapas with a modern twist. Everything was delicious.  I am still dreaming about a cocktail called Rose Gold.  It is made with vodka, passion fruit and rosemary.

Our day trip to Philly was a success! We hope to go back to spend more time there.

“We mark with light in the memory the few interviews we have had with souls that made our souls wiser, that spoke what we thought, that told us what we knew, that gave us leave to be what we inly are.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mr.  Sweet continues to be a part of my life.  On Monday he went to dinner with my sister, my friend and I.   We had dinner at Posto 22.  We had a great time, a lot laughs.  He continues to be thoughtful.  This time again he brought bagels for my sister.

Even though all is going well, we have been talking about the fact that we were going too fast.  4 dates in 8 days was a bit excessive.  He just travelled to Florida to see his father, and I am busy with my friend.  We agreed that this break is welcomed. 

Mr. Sweet is such a great person, so sweet and thoughtful.  I care about him, and because of that I don’t think he should be dating seriously now.  His divorce papers just got filed.  Chances are his divorce will drag on for a while.  I believe that everyone coming out of a long term relationship/marriage should be alone for awhile before embarking on a new relationship.  

We are still excited about each other, and texting daily.  Still, I have made my profile visible again on Match.  I had put my profile on hold because I was busy and also because I had met him.  His profile remains hidden.

We shall see what the future holds. We both care and don’t want to hurt each other.

“And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Next week I will be taking some time off, and my sister, my friend and I will spend some days in Connecticut and some days in Rhode Island.  I so need this break from work.

 

 

Introducing Mr. Sweet

03 Monday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“We must pursue what’s in front of us, not what we can’t have or what we have lost. We must grasp what we can reach and hold on, fast.” ― Maggie O’Farrell, This Must Be the Place

We met 13 days ago.  We are both amazed how it feels more like 13 months or years.  I have been hesitating about him. It feels so strong and yet it feels so fragile… if that makes any sense.

Something about safeguarding it and not letting the sunlight, the outside in, and spoil all the possibilities. For the bakers out there, do you know when you have a beautiful risen cake in the oven and you open the oven door too early and the cold air makes the beautiful cake collapses?  That is what I am trying to prevent from happening it here. 

I guess I don’t want to jinx it.  But why am I being all superstitious about it?  It is what it is.  Will be what will be. 

Here we go:

Mr. Sweet will be 57 years old next month (making him only 5 months older than I am).  He looks very young for his age.  I think I look young too, so that is a match.  He is shorter than I would like, but I realize that I can’t have it all 😉 

At the moment he is doing something with insurance, I am not sure all the details. He mentioned that he is financially secure – that is important to me – I don’t want to support a man.  The divorce is not final, but it is in the works.  Will save more details for later.

First Date: September 21 at Modern Restaurant.  As I walked in, he left the bar and came to meet me at door.  This little detail meant the world to me.  So many times I have to walk to the bar and wonder who is my date.  I have walked up to the wrong person in the past.

He had a huge smile on his face.  We were seated immediately.  We shared a Caesar salad and a pizza.  I had a glass of prosecco. He had beer.  We only stopped talking and left the restaurant because we were the only table left and we felt we had to leave.

He walked me to my building.  I hugged him good bye.  There was no kiss, but I wouldn’t have minded if had kissed me.

“In the arts, as in life, everything is possible provided it is based on love.” ― Marc Chagall

Date Two: September 23 at Town House Restaurant. It is a new restaurant in New Rochelle that I was looking forward to trying.  This time he took the train from NYC.  I met him at the station and we walked to the restaurant.

We shared the duck and the burger and a green bean appetizer.  For dessert we shared the flan and a chocolate cremeaux.  I had a cosmo, as they didn’t have passion fruit, and all other cocktails on the menu were weird… there was even a mushroom cocktail. He had a guava infused mezcal drink.

Everything was delicious about this evening.  He walked me to my door and we kissed good bye.  The kiss had my favorite flavor: promise and possibilities.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Date three: September 28. Wooden Spoon Restaurant. I wish I could erase that hour on that restaurant from my mind.  As I was biting into the burger, I found the cheese oddly stringy.  Then on the second bite I realized: it was a hair.  I am still grossed out about that.  Needless to say I lost my appetite.  He offered to take me some other place, but I couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything else at that point.

We walked around the neighborhood, and then I invited him to my apartment.  I was getting hungry, but didn’t want to go anywhere. My sister had given me magic bars that afternoon so I was looking forward to that.

We had magic bars, listened to music and talked, talked, talked.  Believe it or not, this guy talks more than I do.  There is never any awkward silent with us.

First time in a long time that I have a guy over at my apartment.  I had no qualms about inviting him in.  I felt like I am inviting an old friend.

The highlight of the evening: He brought me chocolates from Jacques Torres.  He made a point of bringing me some with coconut and some with coffee as those are my favorites. 

and the sweetest kisses with the softest lips…

“Choose Love, Love! Without the sweet life of
Love, living is a burden—as you have seen.”
― Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love

Date Four: September 30 at Alvin and Friends.  It is a always reliable restaurant.  We shared the empanadas as appetizer and for the entrée we had the ribs, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, cole slaw.  For dessert we shared the coconut cheesecake. I had a prosecco cocktail and he had a minty mule.

We left the restaurant and stopped by my sister’s apartment to give her some left overs.  He met my sister briefly.  She called me after to ask his age.  He does look young. 

Again he came into my apartment, stayed awhile, then called an Uber and went home.  I love that there is no pressure for anything.

He brought me 2 kinds of bread, and a chocolate caramel tart. He knows I love breads and chocolate.  Perhaps I should have told him I love jewelry. lol

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Date Five: I guess after 5 I will stop counting them.  Monday, October 3rd, tonight.   I said I was going to cook, but I immediately regretted it as it is a busy day at work, and I would feel stressed about it.  I told him, and he said it was okay.  So instead of a dinner date, it will be an after dinner date.

Gosh, now I am panicking because I should have drinks and dessert in the house.  Oh well. 

We both have a lot going on this month and we won’t be able to see each other for awhile.  That is why we are sneaking this date tonight.  

Please don’t worry, I am not blinded by all the sweetness and thoughtfulness, but I am totally bathing myself in it.  

I can’t wait to see what happens next… as if this is a movie that I am watching, and I am not the main character.  The possibilities are infinite, and I am so ready for all of them.

got run, work to finish, run home, shower and beautify myself 🙂

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather have more than somebody lovin’ me.” ― Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

Dates Update: September 2022

02 Sunday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Abandon the urge to simplify everything, to look for formulas and easy answers, and to begin to think multidimensionally, to glory in the mystery and paradoxes of life, not to be dismayed by the multitude of causes and consequences that are inherent in each experience — to appreciate the fact that life is complex.” ― M. Scott Peck

Here is a quick update on the last few dates:

The 60-year old Stock Broker. We became texting friends.  He is a great guy, but there was really no chemistry for me.  His life has been very complicated lately, so we haven’t been able to meet again, as friends.  I hope that the complications in his life get sorted out.

The 65-year old Doctor.  The coffee date went well. The conversation was great, but I didn’t think there was enough there for a second date.  I was surprised when he texted a few days later, and asked me out on a second date for Wednesday night. 

I said yes, thinking there was no harm in meeting for a second time.  I immediately realized that I had said yes to someone else also, but decided not to cancel right away.

It turns out I didn’t need to.  The next day he texted and said: “I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready.  I need to hold off on Wednesday for now.”  I said: “no problem, best wishes”

Later he texted back that he was going to call me on Wednesday.  I replied that I didn’t see the point of that.  He came back with: “It is not that I am not interested.  I just need to take some time for myself.”

I just decided not to reply anymore.  He is just cheap and doesn’t want to spend money on dinner, that is my take.  While I am not a materialistic person, I am allergic to cheapness.

Yesterday he texted: “What are you doing Saturday”

If I were going to answer it would be: “Not going out with you.”

I didn’t reply.  I don’t want to spend any  on him anymore.

The dog guy.  He is a great guy, but only friend material.  There was not any hint of anything romantic about our two dates.  I think he realized it also.  After some texting back and forth, it fizzled. I will miss Mr. W. the dog.

Then there was Mr. Very Smart. We went on one date. We had dinner at Sergio’s in Pelham, NY.  Everything was delicious, including the conversation.  He is so wise and resourceful that he was able to find this blog with very little information.  So, if you are reading this: Hello 🙂

I met him between dates 1 and 2 with the guy I will be mentioning next.  Had I not gone on additional dates with Mr. Sweetness, I would probably have gone on additional dates with Mr. Very Smart.

That brings me to Mr. Sweet.  We had 4 dates so far.  Since this post is getting too long, I will be writing about him on the next.

I will just mention that all feel magical!

“When nothing is expected, and everything is appreciated, all becomes magical.” ― Broms The Poet, Feast

The pains of a broken heart and the possibilities of online dating

25 Sunday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

Disclaimer: I didn’t have a chance to edit again, so please pardon the typos etc. It is a case if I don’t publish now, I fear I will never publish it.  

Hbsuefred https://hbsuefred.com/ wrote me a comment that hit me in such a deep way that I decided to write my reply to her in the form of a post.  

This was her comment:

As a newly single older gal, I feel so blessed to be schooled by you and others in a similar position who share their experiences. So far, I think the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s a lot of work which to me makes it seem not worth the effort. Of course, I met my idiot ex (he filed after 30 years of marriage) through a dating service.

The fact that he just took wife #4 whom I believe he met on a dating website confirms that probably the older men one meets that way are generally not keepers. Of course I’m a bit jaded after stumbling on new wifey’s name and fb page where she posted wedding pix of ceremony that looks like it took place pretty recently and on which she and all her friends extol his virtues. None of them knows the morose alcoholic as well as I do. In fact, they may not even know that about him, including her!

The kicker was that ceremony and holiday pix from end of last year were taken in my old living room! However, after taking another stroll down memory lane (the written through correspondence history of our demise) this time there were no tears as it made me realize how long I put up with his crap and how much better off I am now without him.

Thanks for letting me vent. I hope your audit is successfully completed soon and that you keep sharing your adventures in dating which may someday be successful as well. In the meantime, enjoy your upcoming break. Will it have another purpose of preparing you for the upcoming dreaded holidays?

Here is my reply in 2 parts: Heartbreak and Online Dating.  

Heartbreak:

You can vent here any time you want.  30 years is a real long time to share your life with someone, only to have that be taken it away from you.  It is cruel to have that life you knew disappear.  My heart aches for you.

This is the first time in a real long time that I was taken back to that very painful period of time in my life, over 10 years ago.  My relationship was only a fraction of time of yours. Mine lasted 3 years, but the pain was so deep that I thought I was going to die from a broken heart.  I can’t begin to imagine your pain.

When you mentioned seeing pictures of the new wife taken in your old living room, I recall how I felt coming across similar details. It was like I was being punched in the stomach.  It was a slap in the face to see how easily I had been replaced.  I feel your pain.  I feel the devastation. I feel the anger.

I felt alone, sad, and stuck in the past, while he so quick and seamlessly continued life with somebody new.  For a long time I wanted my life back, I wanted him back.  As if he was a such a great prize.  I was the prize, but he was too dumb to see it.

For some time I wanted to hear him say: “I am sorry I cheated on you and hurt you”.  As if he would ever possess any sense of guilt or would ever acknowledge any wrongdoing.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

I went through all the stages of grief.  The one that I got stuck on the longest was denial.  I kept lying to myself. First, that it was not happening. Second, that he would come back. Thankfully he never did, otherwise I would probably have taken him back, only to be cheated on over and over again.

I didn’t know how to imagine my life without him.  I became blind and powerless.  It was as if he was the last man in the world.  How wrong I was.  Looking back I shudder to realize how long I allowed myself to feel like a victim and how much time I wasted wallowing in pity.

One of the best things I did was to stop looking at social media and googling him and the new girlfriend.  Every time I searched for him and her, I was being sucked back into the pain and anger.  It was hard not to give into the curiosity, but I felt more powerful every time I had the urge to look him up and I didn’t.  That power kept getting stronger to the point that the urge is no longer there.  He is past, and I have left him there.

A morose alcoholic?  Who needs that anyway?  I can only imagine what you have gone through all those 30 years.  How much of you you forgot and ignored to cater to him?

I am glad that you are able to see how much better off you are now.  It seems that you are well on your way to forgetting, forgiving and rebuilding.  We both received the gift of freedom, even though it didn’t feel like at the moment.  We were blessed that men  that didn’t belong, didn’t add anything, didn’t help us grow, were removed from our life.  We were too much into the relationship to see we needed to get out and do it on our own, instead we got a little push, well, a big shove really.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

It was the hardest thing I went through and it changed me… for the better, and I am sure is the same with you.   I now accept all, the good and the bad, with grace.  Everything is either a wonderful experience or a lesson.  The lessons are necessary. Receive it, learn it, move on. Don’t miss the wonderful experience of the moment being sad about the past.

We loved. We learned lessons.  We are aware. We are fully alive. We now can explore.  We can do whatever we please, be the masters of our destiny.  We can do everything or nothing. We are open to possibilities.  

Yet, it is not all sunshine and butterflies now.  I have my moments.  I have the moments that my ego takes control. I have the moments that I become a victim all over again.  There are times I feel powerless, helpless, loveless.  I work real hard at not letting those moments suck me in.  I make sure those don’t last.  I immediately turn to gratitude. I start making a list of all the good that is in my life.  Focusing on the positive is my way out. Gratitude for all I so blessedly have is my go-to weapon.

The pain goes away… eventually.  It is a fight, everyday.  Enjoy all the new steps, big and small.  Celebrate yourself each and every day.  One thing I know for sure:  You will thrive!

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

Online Dating:

I know that online dating, and dating in general, seems like a lot work.  It is.  But to me it is worth the hassle. My attitude has changed a lot from when I first started doing online dating,10 years ago, to right now writing this. 

I believe I will find the One, but it is not longer the reason why I do it. My One may not even be on a dating site.  So, for now, my focus is on meeting new people,  enjoying the moment and being fully present with each person I meet.  

The one thing I would love for you to get from reading my blog is to be open to possibilities.  All of them.  Give dating, online and otherwise, a chance. Give people, love, life, fun, a chance.

I fear that, sometimes, with my dating stories written here, I am discouraging people from giving online dating a chance.  It is a pain, there are fakes, jerks, losers, clueless, there are all kinds. I believe that there are some amazing people out there also.  I am a good person, and I can’t be the only good person doing online dating, could I? I believe good attracts good. Good energy and good heart will attract good energy and good heart.

I enjoy meeting new people, learning about their background, interests, etc.  I have accepted dates before to just get out of the house, and those normally end up frustrating.  So I now only go on a date if I see potential for fun, friendship or more.

10 years is a long time to be online dating and still be alone, some have pointed out to me in the past.  I never expected to still be alone, but I don’t blame the dating sites.  I am still single not because I haven’t found a good man.  I have found many good men.    I just haven’t found the one that makes me want to let go of being single.

The older I get the harder it will be for me to part ways with my singlehood.  The older I get the more I realize what a wonderful life I have.  It is hard to find someone to come in and add to it.  That is the key.  I am looking for some to add to my life.  To add joy, beauty, wonder, possibilities, not to add dramas, insecurities, headaches, etc. I don’t want dead weight.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

I am also well aware that, perhaps, I will forever fear giving my whole self to someone again; and that is something that I continuously work on. I strive to be open, trusting and non-judgmental.

I don’t see being alone at this point in time a failure.  I see being happy and grateful as a success, and that I am.  Online success to me doesn’t mean coming away with a boyfriend.  Success online to me is now measured in small bites.  Dinner with a great person is a success in my book.  Being introduced to new experiences, new interests, new ideas, is always a success to me. 

I do get tired of online dating at times.  Life gets too busy, I encounter too many jerks in a row, I become disillusioned, and I take a break.  Then, when I feel like, I go back to it.  To me online dating is a wonderful choice to have and I am grateful for it.

If you ever decide to give it a try please be careful.  I have written some posts about it:https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2016/10/27/how-to-spot-a-fake-dating-profile/ and https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2018/01/26/not-just-surviving-but-thriving-while-online-dating/

Please come back and vent here any time. Pardon my liberty of certain assumptions. Pardon my preachiness! Sending love, hugs and blessings to you!

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
― Rumi

Audit and Dating, same difference

15 Thursday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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I am sorry friends; it has been two weeks since I last posted.  Blame it on the audit that my firm is going through… combined with laziness and lack of motivation.

It is so easy for me to get off track with anything.  It then takes ages to get back on track.  Right now, exercise has been suffering.  I find that my eating habits and exercise go hand in hand.  If one is off, then the other goes off also.

French lessons on Duolingo have been a thing of the past.  I keep restarting.

I am learning how to allow myself to just be and live without pressure.  No need to be battering myself with negativity.  I get off track, I will just dust myself off and get back on track.  As many times as necessary.

The audit is going much better than I had anticipated.  The auditors have come and gone from our offices.  They were more personable than the prior ones.  

They are gone physically but their requests and questions continue. I found out today that we are not going to be tested on all areas, so that accounts for it being easier than I expected.  Fingers crossed it all continues to go smoothly, and it ends soon.

I am finally realizing that I don’t need to stress myself out… until I need to stress myself out. The pre-worry, the anxiety, the living on tomorrow doesn’t help with anything. Some of what I worry about never come to pass, so it has just been useless worry, wasted energy.

I went on one date last Friday.  He is a 60-year-old Stock trader that I had met a couple of years ago on another app but had never met.  He drove from Brooklyn during rush hour.  So, a 40-minute trip took one hour and half on that Friday evening.

We met at Rye Bar and Grill.  The place was a fun, noisy restaurant with a big bar, and tables in and outdoors.  I met him by the bar, and after some small talk we moved to a table. I had a glass of prosecco and he had a couple of beers.  We shared messy chicken wings for appetizers.  I had burger and fries.  He had a skirt steak.  The food was okay.  Not the best or worst I ever had.  I didn’t have dessert… yes be proud 🙂

We had a great time.  He is a great guy, but again I am not sure about a future.  I didn’t really detect any, so I am not sure about a second date.  We have been testing, so perhaps he is willing to be friends…

There was a point in time that I would go on a date as an excuse to get dressed up and go out.  That is not fun to me anymore.  I need to have the idea that something could happen… a friendship or something more, else.

What I am getting a lot lately is guys wanting to meet for coffee during the day.  Even though sometimes I can, I don’t like to meet during the day on a week day.  I much rather be done with work and relax, than have to hurry there and back. Plus it is much more romantic to meet for drinks at the end of the day,  than to meet for coffee, as a first date.

I have been blocked by 2 guys this week because of that.  Or perhaps there were other reasons.  

Guy 1 – He chose a place in his town, 40 minutes away from me.  I suggested a place closer to me on a weekend. He changed the subject, then blocked me. 

Guy 2 – He asked me out for coffee during the day.  I suggested coffee at the end of the day.  He kept ignoring that and insisting on meeting during the day during the week. Then he complained that I was making things difficult.  Before I had a change to reply he blocked me.

Whatever their reasons were, they have done me a favor by not continuing to waste my energy.

I no longer need to know the why of things.  All I need to do is accept and move on.  All I need to do is be grateful.  Everything that comes to me or moves away from me is a blessing.

I have a date tomorrow. It should be fun. Stay tuned.

I finished another mosaic piece. It is pretty 🙂 Stay tuned.

 

 

From Famine to Feast

17 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food, Reviews

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“Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances. ” ― Maya Angelou

After no dates for a while, I had 2 dates in 2 days.

The guy that I called “The Disingenuous” on the prior post invited me to go see Steely Dan.  I had not blocked him because I sensed that he was harmless and just perhaps a little misguided. I mentioned to him that I didn’t think he was serious about meeting because of what he had done before.

He apologized, and said it was not his intention to appear that he was playing games.  I said ok, and he quickly got the tickets and then asked for restaurant suggestions.  I gave him a couple of names and he booked a place that I like, Sonora Restaurant.

We met near The Capitol in Port Chester, that was where Steely Dan was playing.  From there we went together to the restaurant.  It was a gorgeous evening, so we sat outside.  We shared several small plates instead of ordering an entrée.  It just felt faster that way, as we had the concert to go to. 

We shared different tacos, eggplant meatballs, yucca fries, quinoa cakes, etc. To drink I had the Brazilian Cosmopolitan, made with blood orange vodka.  He had iced tea.  He quit drinking. He said he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, he just feels he doesn’t need it. Everything was delicious and the conversation flowed. 

“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The theater is beautiful and the concert was great.  Even though I really didn’t grow up listening to Steely Dan, I recognized a few songs.  They didn’t play their most famous one, and the one that I knew the most, Rikki Don’t Lose My Number.   The entire band was amazing. Every single one so talented!!

After the concert, he walked me to my car and we hugged goodbye.  It was the strongest hug I ever received.  The jury is still out if that was a good or bad thing.  I am thinking he was just eager.

We have texted back and forth for a little bit.  I am not sure if we will see each other again.  He is 60 years old, but looks younger. He has been married twice, and has 3 kids, the 2 youngest are 10 years old.  He works as some type of smart home/alarm sales – not sure exactly the details.  Maybe it is worth a second date.  I didn’t really feel much chemistry. I am just not sure.

“The beauty of God is in the wind, in the movement of the ocean, it is in the eyes of a woman gazing at her lover, pouring the deep red wine of love from her eyes like two crystal cups. There is a God who dances and who loves and who longs to sing of love…And I mean that God is music; all inclusive, benevolent and life-affirming, unashamed human emotion.”― Jeff Buckley

On Saturday I went on a date with a 58 years semi-retired engineer.  He has been divorced for 3 years and has 2 grown sons.  We went to an awesome restaurant called Harvest on Hudson.  It was facing the Hudson River.  The location was gorgeous and the food so yummy.  

I had an awesome cocktail, that I don’t recall the name, but it had passion fruit and Aperol in it. He had vodka soda. I had cod fish fritters for appetizer and eggplant for the entrée.  He had meatballs, and then linguine. For dessert I had the tiramisu, and it was probably the best I ever had. 

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” ― Mark Twain

He must have said I was beautiful at least 10 times. Not only to me, but to the hostess, to the bartender, to the waiter, to anyone we interacted with.  He also loved my dress and my glasses.

After dinner we walked by the river, then to my car.  We hugged good bye with a quick peck on the lips.  I forgot to mention, when I first met him, it seemed he was going for my lips and I turned so he gave me a peck on the cheek. In my book, when upon meeting someone, peck on the cheek is ok and the norm, on the lips no.  Yes, I am a prude lol

We have texted just a couple of times and last night he called me and invited me to dinner tomorrow (Thursday).  I said yes.  I am not sure there is a lot of chemistry but he seems so nice that I want to go on a second date and see if there is anything there. 

I had 2 great dates with 2 great guys.  When that happens I get reminded of the beauty of the potential and possibilities.  I get the feeling that I am getting closer.  One never knows, and that is why I keep trying.  Feeling blessed and hopeful.

“I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted
most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.” ― Nora Ephron

 

No harm, no foul!

13 Monday Dec 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”  ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

The second date with the finance guy never happened.  He texted me on Friday to cancel, saying he had to drive his elderly father somewhere. 

I suspected it was an excuse, and I felt fine about it.  We had a couple of more texts that day.  This morning I realized he never texted again.  Then I noticed that he had closed his account on Bumble. 

Even though I am fine with it, as we didn’t really have much chemistry, I am still disappointed that he made an excuse to cancel the date instead of just telling me he was no longer interested. 

I texted him, not mentioning I had seen he was no longer on Bumble.

Now I have closure! lol, who needs closure after 1 date?  I do!  

I wished him luck, and I mean it.  He is a good guy, very busy with a test that he needs to take, and we are not a match.  Life goes on. NEXT!!

“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.” ― Phillip C. McGraw

 

Ghosting is not okay!

09 Thursday Dec 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ― Andy Rooney

After I published the last post, I received a reply to my text:

The rest of the text reads: “soon as I felt it, but it just very recently has happened.”

At least he replied, but I still think that was a rude and coward move. I guess he was never going to say anything.  Ghosting was his chosen way to end things. 

Why leave me thinking that he is going to call? Why not contact me?  Why leave someone in limbo?

Am I being unreasonable to expect someone to let me know that they have changed their mind?  

I have no expectations after one date, good or not.  But if I have 2 dates that were great and the person keeps in touch and mentions a third; in that case I believe we have something and expect at least a courtesy text.

What saddens me, is not the rejection, but the fact that people think this is an acceptable way to treat each other.   It will never be acceptable to me.

I will not behave in such way, and I will not accept it as being okay.  I will continue to conduct myself in dating, as I do in life, with kindness, respect and thoughtfulness. I will continue to let the Golden Rule guide me.

I should write an online dating etiquette guide. I believe a lot people are just clueless, and perhaps not mean spirited. 

Onward and forward.  Stay tuned, the next post is about my date last night.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ― Roy T. Bennett

The prelude to the Unmasking of Mr. Stock

10 Friday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Fiction

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Disclaimer: I am writing this post in 2 parts due to lack of time, so please forgive me for that.

“If you wear a mask for too long, there will come a time when you can not remove it without removing your face.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo

It is hard to say exactly when I first started speaking to Mr. Stock (that is what I will call him here).  We met on the dating site Plenty of Fish.

At first he said he was not ready to meet anyone and was only there to make friends.  He sounded vague in his messages, but still, I started exchanging messages with him. Perhaps it was because I love making new friends, and also, I felt a certain compassion towards him.  He felt safe and harmless.

I detected some underlining pain. A pain, that according to him, he wasn’t ready to talk about, but that, slowly, revealed bits and pieces of it.  Much later I learned that he was dealing with the long illness and, eventual passing of his wife.  He hinted at also having some social anxieties and not being comfortable in crowds. I am not sure if the anxiety came about from the grief or was already an issue prior to that.

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I am not sure what we talked about at that point.  Perhaps the weather.  I do remember, at times, being annoyed that we would never meet. We are only 30 minutes apart, so I didn’t understand why we couldn’t meet as friends. At times I would stop replying to him, but would give in and reply anytime he reached out.

Eventually I got off of POF, and gave him my number.  We would say hello every couple of months or so. We would have disagreements. I don’t deal well with negativism, and sometimes he was in that mode.  His unwillingness to see the beauty in life annoyed me.  My optimism was too much for him.

Still, we would always check in with each other.  He would talk about meeting every now and then, saying that he was going to try.  But after so many times I just never believed it would happen.  I had made peace with being phone/text friends.

Months, years passed.

One day I asked him a question about stocks, since he is an investor.  He loves talking about stocks.  From that day on, we speak and text more often.  He would often talk about meeting and teaching me about stocks in person.

Every time he would say something about meeting, I would think about The Boy Who Cried Wolf.  I never thought we would meet, and honestly, by now, I didn’t care.

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” ― Khalil Gibran

A couple of weeks ago, he mentioned he was on vacation and then texted: “Just make sure we go to dinner while I’m on vacation”

That text infuriated me. I let him know how mad I was.  To me it implied I had control about meeting or not. Also, it implied we had never met before because of work. It also felt that “meeting”, was always a carrot that was being dangled in front of me.  I don’t like carrots!

We talked it out, and he said it was miscommunication and he would try to meet.  In his mind he had decided to meet months ago but had been too busy with work.

Last Saturday at 7pm he asked if I wanted to meet for dinner or something.  First, I was surprised and second, I was annoyed.  After so long, you don’t just ask me out last minute like that.  I said that I was not free, but said I was available the following day. He said he was not sure about the next day because of the Jewish holiday. I said ok, and I meant okay.

On Sunday,  at 11am he wrote to see if I wanted to go out for dinner, drinks or anything else that evening.  I agreed to dinner and asked him to pick a place in my area.

I thought he would cancel it. I was willing to bet that it wouldn’t happen.  I was ready to get the cancelation phone call.

But it did!

to be continued…

“Masquerades disclose the reality of souls. As long as no one sees who we are, we can tell the most intimate details of our life. I sometimes muse over this sketch of a story about a man afflicted by one of those personal tragedies born of extreme shyness who one day, while wearing a mask I don’t know where, told another mask all the most personal, most secret, most unthinkable things that could be told about his tragic and serene life. And since no outward detail would give him away, he having disguised even his voice, and since he didn’t take careful note of whoever had listened to him, he could enjoy the ample sensation of knowing that somewhere in the world there was someone who knew him as not even his closest and finest friend did. When he walked down the street he would ask himself if this person, or that one, or that person over there might not be the one to whom he’d once, wearing a mask, told his most private life. Thus would be born in him a new interest in each person, since each person might be his only, unknown confidant.” ― Fernando Pessoa