“But what really matters is not what you believe but the faith and conviction with which you believe…” ―
Place: Chat 19, Larchmont, NY
Weather: Cold and drizzling
Date: 57 year old businessman
Beforehand: We have exchanged messages on and off for the past few months. I knew he was not the best at making conversation but I thought that in person things would flow. I figured that we could tap in some things we have in common. We are both immigrants. He speaks French, and I am learning French. He loves soccer and I do too. His business is similar to mine. He has traveled to some of the same places I have.
My First sight: He looked like his pictures. Not the best looking, and I am fine with that. I don’t want good looking. I want interesting, funny, with things to talk about, and serious about making a connection. He was none of those things.
His first sight: He commented that I looked good. As he was saying that he reminded of the Big Bad Wolf looking at Little Red Riding Hood.
Sitting: I wanted to sit inside. He wanted to sit outside. We sat outside. A lot things don’t bother me, so we sat outside. I immediately took up my long flowing hair into a bun. Not 10 minutes later we had to move inside once the rain got heavier with sideway winds.
My Ordering: Besides where to sit, this was another sign of trouble. I am very specific when I order because I want to eat/drink exactly what I want and don’t want to send anything back. I asked for half a cup of coffee with a side of whipped cream. The waitress seemed confused with that order and started offering other drinks instead, such as a cappuccino, etc. I insisted on my order. He made faces and gave me the impression that he thought I was being high maintenance. So I asked if that was what he was thinking and he confirmed.
His Ordering: While perusing the menu he mentioned that he wanted to substitute the goat cheese in an omelet with Swiss cheese. When the waitress came, he didn’t say that. So, I asked him if he didn’t want another cheese instead of goat cheese. He said no, that was fine, he didn’t want to be difficult.
My food: I enjoyed my coffee with delicious mini scones that were in the bread basket. By the time my bacon cheeseburger and fries arrived I had had enough. Of him and scones. I took only one bite of my burger and took the rest home for dinner.
His food: He barely touched his omelet. He made all kinds of faces at the omelet and said it was not good, it was too strong, and he should have gone with the Swiss cheese. I said I told you so. I am normally not the type to say that, but I couldn’t resist.
The conversation: What conversation? It was mostly him ranting about the state of the country, about the lack of immigration policies, and all sorts of political stuff. None of which I felt like talking about on a first date. I tried discussing other things such as soccer and travels, but those didn’t go far. Then I gave up and waited for the end, knowing that it would be soon.
The aftermath: Thankfully, it was a short date, as we barely touched our food. He had mentioned wanting to go watch a soccer game, so I used that as an excuse to hurry up and leave. When I got home I had a text from him saying he had a good time and saying we need to meet up again. What? NO!! Was I there?
“Be believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” ―
My advice to him on his next first date:
- Don’t drive over 1 hour to meet someone if you are in a bad mood. It is best to say you are sick and cancel it.
- Let the lady choose where to sit.
- Ask the lady some questions. If you don’t have anything nice to say or don’t know how to make conversation ask questions.
- Don’t talk politics or any sensitive subjects on the first date.
- Don’t make her feel like she is being high maintenance, specially if you have any intentions of asking her on a second date.
My advice to myself on my next first date:
- Who am I kidding, No advice, I am perfect 😊
- Continue being yourself
- Continue asking for what you want
- Continue knowing your worth
- Continue being high maintenance and ordering what you want, how you want
- 1 advice, next time insist on where to sit
In the end, I am glad I went, so I can move on to the next, knowing he was not the one.
I want to be looked at like I am the only person that matters in the world at that moment. To the right guy I am not high maintenance, I am quirky. He will not be slobbering while looking at me, he will have a twinkle in his eye. He will be interested in what I have to say. He will ask questions and not rant about all that is wrong in the world. Because, sitting in front of him, is all that is right in the world. And for that guy I am willing to wait forever and a day!