I am going home – Sandy or no Sandy! – Day 8

29 Monday Oct 2012

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Staying in a hotel to be near work during this storm was probably not one of my best ideas, so this morning I packed up and checked out.

I am at work now and a co-worker that lives in the same town I do drove in so that he can take me home.

I have offers from friends to go to their house but I think I rather stay at my apartment, but I will re-think that if need be.  There is something comforting about being in your own bed at times like this, but safety is number one.

Thank you so much for all the prayers and positive thoughts! They are all welcomed and very much appreciated!

I am praying that we are all safe no matter where we are and what we are doing! May peace be in our hearts and minds!

A blessed day to all!

 

Day 7: I carry it in my heart

29 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I go through Grand Central Station every week day and it is normally a obstacle course trying to navigate it among the commuters and tourists.

Today it was very different.  This evening Grand Central Station was a ghost town with guards standing at the doors just letting people out and informing the people trying to get in that the station is closed.

I feel odd today.  I am not sure what to think.  Is this Hurricane Sandy a sure thing or just media hype? It feels weird leaving my apartment and my brand new table behind. Is everything going to be there in a couple of days when I return?

I am feeling weird sitting alone in a hotel room in New York City.  I am staying in Manhattan to be close to work since the trains stopped 7 pm tonight.  I am trying not to let the victim in me come out.  I am trying not to feel so alone in the most populous city in the USA.  At times like this is very hard not to feel all alone in the world. I need to snap out of it.

My favorite show, Amazing Race is on.  Today they are in Bangladesh, and seeing some of the day laborers working in such poor conditions, and seeing all the kids on the street with huge smiles on their faces snaps me out of the “poor me” mentality real quick.  I am blessed for so many reasons.  I have so many reasons to smile. More than the material comforts I have been blessed with a rich soul and a rich heart.

I know how to appreciate everything I have, specially my breath.  Having life is the greatest gift of all and that is enough!  So, to spend even a minute feeling sorry for myself it would be such a waste of precious time.   I don’t need to have people physically right next to me to know that I am loved.  My family is in my heart and in my thoughts and I am in theirs.

To quote E. E. Cummings:

“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)”

 

hhhh

Day 6: The table has arrived!

27 Saturday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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Another Blessed Day!

I woke up with the furniture store calling me to let me know that my table could be delivered within the hour, did I want it?  Do I want it? I have been waiting for this table for 1 month!

So here it is:

So today breakfast was had at the new table instead of the kitchen counter or couch.

Above the table you can see one of the many paintings that my mother has painted for me.  My mother started painting at 70 years old and she is very talented!  I have all kinds of paintings, from landscapes to abstracts.

And on the table you can see some of my favorite flowers: daisies! Another favorite is sunflowers.

I am still itching, but I love my table, my apartment, my life!!!

An amazing night on the town! – Day 5

26 Friday Oct 2012

Posted by in Dating

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I had a great night last night,  hives and all!

My date (we shall call him AL) and I took a pedicab for 10 blocks as it is impossible to find a cab on Thursday nights in Manhattan.  Price: $52.00!!!  AL thought that the price was okay as he had already heard horror stories of people being charged $450 for a ride around Central Park.  So if you ever in New York City and decide to take a pedicab, please make sure that you ask the price first!

We had a great meal at Rosie O’Grady’s.  He had Filet Mignon Medallions and I had Fish and chips! We had a very attentive and funny waiter! All was perfect!

Then we walked a block to the Roseland Ballroom.  We got there as the Opening Act was finishing.

I headed to the bathrooms downstairs and was shocked at the length of the line to the ladies room.  There were at least 100 ladies in the line.  Note to self: next time go to the ladies room at the restaurant.

They have the same number of stalls for men as they do for women, so every once in awhile they make the men wait and they let the women use the men’s room.  I could not believe the reaction of some guys,  just downright gross, rude and obnoxious, all because they had to wait for a few minutes.  I wonder if the complainers have girlfriends or wives, I know that they must have had a mother, and she would not be proud!

The Counting Crows took the stage and it was great! I wish I knew more of their songs or perhaps that they played more of the songs I knew, but I love Adam Duritz’s voice so it was great no matter what he sang.  I sang along with the songs I knew and I dance to most songs.  Dancing always makes my mood even better!

After the show we were able to find a cab and went to the Top of the Strand, a roof top bar that had an amazing view of the Empire State Building!  At that moment I felt incredibly blessed to be able to be where I was at that moment! I feel blessed that I am able to recognize how lucky I am!

They had music going at the bar, and even though there was no one dancing, I danced to a couple of songs! Then I just sat down and enjoyed the view.

I realize now that I have no clue what time we got to the concert, what time we left, what time I went to bed. Perhaps a sign of a great date is when you have no concern for time at all!

AL? What can I say about AL?  It turns out I could say a lot, but I will refrain from saying too much at this moment.  Just know that he was his usual great self, funny, attentive and great to be with. Things are going slow and well! Just what I need right now!

 

 

Day 4: All I want to hear is: I am sorry!

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am thinking that this itching could be emotional.

The sad truth is that lately I have been thinking about Ex too much. No, I don’t want him still or anything like that, but I still cannot get over the fact that he never acknowledged his wrongdoings.  He never acknowledged that his actions were disrespectful and hurtful.

All I want is a “I am sorry”,  that is it!

But I know better! I know I will never get that! So why can’t I let it go?

I guess this being the 1 Year Anniversary of when everything fell apart doesn’t help either.

I still don’t understand what happened and where did the so called “love” go!

I know that I cannot move forward until I let go of the past! And I had thought I had!  But I guess that is how the grieving process goes, some times you have to go back to a stage that you thought you were done with.

***

The worst doctor ever gave me a dosage of 10mg of a prescription that according to my pediatrician friend she gives 4 times that to babies.  No wonder the itching has continued!!

***

On a bright note,  I have a fun date tonight. I am going to the Counting Crows concert with this guy that I have been seeing for the past 2 months.  It is not serious as the age difference is a bit too much, but it is serious in the sense that we are not seeing other people.

****

The cartoon below doesn’t reflect my situation but it was too funny to pass it up!

 

Day 3: Sorry Pilates, I will see you Sunday!

24 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Yesterday, against what my body was asking for I went to a Yoga class followed by a Zumba class.

I am all for listening to my body, but lately all it has been asking for is sweets and tv so sometimes I have to put my food down. I figure exercise will help release some toxins and if nothing else will make me forget about the itching for a couple of hours.

 

I am happy I went. The itching didn’t get better but my mood improved!

 

This morning I gave in and went to a doctor. I didn’t go to my regular doctor. I went to Docs, a walk-in place right next to my office. I had been there before and had a good experience, but this morning I had the absolute worst doctor. He kept me waiting forever, paid half attention to what I was saying, would walk in and out of the examining room for long periods of time. I was getting so frustrated and being PMS time everything was taking an extra dimension. I had to stop breath and talk myself out of making a scene.

So finally they drew some blood and gave me a prescription for steroids and now I am back at work.

If you ever had hives, you know that the darn thing travels throughout your body. It has been mostly on my stomach, breasts and thighs, but today it decided to concentrate on my arms and upper back! Lord have mercy!!! I feel like screaming!!!

So tonight I am skipping Pilates. But it is for a very good cause. I am getting my hair and nails done! I love being a girl!!

Day 2: A bunch of nothing

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I realize that having to write something every day will have me writing about day to day mundane stuff.   That is a little tough for me, to feel that I am writing about nothing.  I guess I will become the Seinfeld of the blogging world – haha.  A blog about nothing!

So you can look forward to a post about socks disappearing in the washer and my not being able to find my car in a parking lot!

So here is today’s nothingness:

I had a piece of delicious pound cake with butter for breakfast – yes I know better!  I know that I need to stay away from cake and all its carb relatives, but thinking about it makes me crave carbs more!

I am still itching like crazy.  Today I didn’t take Benadryl as it didn’t really help yesterday and it was making me so drowsy that is impossible to concentrate on any work.

So, the plan is, if it doesn’t get better by tomorrow morning I will be walking to the Docs located in the building next door. At least their location is convenient!

I need to get better by Thursday as I have this great night to look forward to!  I am going to see the Counting Crows at the Roseland Ballroom and then will stay at this great hotel complete with a rooftop bar.  Everything promises to be an amazing evening, so I better not be itching or it will put a big damper on the night.

Until tomorrow …

 

 

Daily Writing: A new challenge starts today!

22 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I need a new challenge now that my “1 Year without chocolate”  is coming to an end.  I know that a perfect new challenge would be to just cut out sugar, but honestly that idea is totally out of question.

So my new challenge is to write/post something every single day – even if it is just one line.

I hope this challenge will get me in tune with the writer in me again.  I love that person much better than this “non-writing” person!

I have been extremely lazy when it comes to this blog.  Some may see it as a good sign.  A sign that my heart is healed so I no longer have the need to write or I will explode.  Well, it is partly true, I no longer feel like exploding, but I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed.

Moving on …

When am I going to start? No better time than the present!

So here we go to 365 days of daily writing.  Prepare to be bored to tears on some (most) days!

October 22nd , 2012

What am I going to write today? What makes today special?

Hives makes today special!

I have hives all over my stomach and chest area since last night.  I have no idea where they are coming from.  I don’t think I am under any stress and I have not eaten anything other than my usual.

I am so drowsy sitting here at work now.  I have just taken a second Benadryl – which doesn’t seem to be working! It is only making me feel more tired than what I already am.

Perhaps this hives attack is serving to make me look at everything in my life, from my food intake to my stress level, etc.  It will certainly force me to start the food journal that I have been planning forever.

I was going to take a Zumba class tonight at 6, but now I am thinking that I should take a nap instead. 🙂

It is my hope that they will disappear quickly as they appeared.

Day 1 completed!

 

In search of sweet decadence!!

05 Friday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food

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As some of you may know because of this post  https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/bye-bye-chocolate-see-you-soon/—— I gave up chocolate for 1 year.

As the 1 year mark (November 4th) approaches, I am filled with dread and anticipation.  Well, it is mostly anticipation of all the chocolaty wonders I can reconnect with.

I have to be honest that I take turns being excited, anxious and nervous.  What am I going to do? Will I be able to eat chocolate moderately or will I turn back into the chocoholic that I was before?  I am frankly scared.

I often hear of people giving up smoking and drinking for a long period of time and then start back again.   I always think to myself: How stupid!  If you went that long without it then you clearly don’t need it! Why re-start an addiction?  And now I am contemplating doing exactly that!

Putting all the fears and reasons not to eat chocolate ever again aside, I am now in the counting the days and planning stage.  What will be my chocolate of choice to indulge in on November 4th?

I am thinking that it will be some kind of chocolate cake, homemade or bakery bought.

So please help me find the best, most indulgent and decadent mouth watering chocolate cake ever!  I am looking for either the recipe so I can make it or for the location where I can buy it!

Life is too short and it is totally unrealistic to think I will give up chocolate forever!!

30 days to go …

(as you all can my life is good, my main preoccupation is chocolate – lol)

What I have been up to lately …

28 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I have been silent – here! In non-virtual life I still talk too much, volunteer and share too much! 🙂  I guess hurting over still loving Ex was providing me with the inspiration/motivation to write.  Once love turned to anger and now to plain nothingness the urge and need to write or I will explode is no longer here.

I still love the written word and wish to find the motivation from within and from daily life to continue blogging.

I lurk around some of my favorite blogs but can’t even seem to muster motivation to comment or even like, perhaps I have been trying to disappear?? At moments like this I wish I had a therapist on speed dial that I could call and ask!

Here is a quick update of my life:

Mom is in town visiting from Brazil, so my routine has been totally changed.  I am exercising less and eating more, which as everyone knows it is not a great combination!!   Mom believes that food is love, so rejecting her food is the same as rejecting her love.  As the good daughter that I am I just eat and say how good everything is!

We have already spent a weekend at Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods Casinos in CT.   We didn’t lose too much so that to me is winning!  We have already done more shopping than will fit in her luggage.  And somehow any time I take her shopping I end up buying more than she does.  A Broadway show and The Museum of Natural History will be next!

The Ex got wind that my mother is in town and has e-mailed me to take us out to dinner.  I have continued to remain silent and ignore it. Still it is annoying the fact that he thinks all is fine enough to go out and have dinner together! Clueless!

Work is work.  No challenges and mysteries any more.  Too predictable at times, it can be boring but there is some comfort in the same old same old.

I continue to do Pilates twice a week and still adore it, even though some times in the middle of an exercise I feel more like crying and giving up.  I continue to hit tennis balls against a wall and take lessons every now and then as weather and my instructor’s schedule permits.

I have not returned to Zumba, for now I do it at home.  I turn on youtube, put on my favorite short shorts and just dance like a wild woman in my living room.  I make sure to close the curtains as not to scare any of my neighbors.

My mosaic project is still in the middle and my French has also stalled.  Will go back to it, but lately not much into forcing myself to do anything I don’t want to! 🙂

I have been seeing a much younger man.  I don’t want to call it dating; in fact I am not sure what to call it.  Yes I know all that is wrong with it!   I am taking it one day at a time and trying not to think too much about it or make too many plans.  I like spending time with him and for now that is enough for me.  I am living the right now and allowing myself not to think of the future.  I know it will not last forever – nothing does!!

I may wake up tomorrow and decide that I want a commitment, but for now dinners out and movie nights are exactly what the doctor ordered.