March 28 …. A wonderful day to be born!

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Food

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Today is my birthday (and my twin sister’s also, of course 🙂 ) the best part about having a twin is having a partner for life! No matter how far apart we live or what is going on in our lives I know she is there and she adores me like I adore her!

Normally on my birthday I want to run and hide.  In the past I wished people would just forget about it.  But this year is different!  For some reason I want to celebrate it! Let’s face it, how many times am I going to turn 47? Only once! So we may as well make it memorable.

Last night I was taken for an awesome dinner at Xaviars on the Hudson.  Peter Kelly, the chef, himself took our order.  The service was impeccable, the food was delicious, and the view amazing, it is right on the water (why didn’t I take a picture?).

CowboyRibEye

Here is what I had:

Composed “BLT” Salad
Iceberg Lettuce with Green Goddess Dressing
Grilled Slab Bacon & Beef Steak Tomatoes

Aged & Grilled Cowboy Rib Eye
with Sauce BĂ©arnaise, Brown Sugar & Cayenne Crust

Creamed Spinach and Potato Gratin

Carnaroli Risotto – Wild Mushrooms and Red Wine Syrup

Crispy Cauliflower – Nuoc Cham Butter

3 desserts (on my birthday only 1 wouldn’t do it)

Warm Valrhona Chocolate Cake
Grand Marnier Ice Cream & Orange Confit

Frozen Caramel Soufflé
Served with Warm Cardamom Donuts

Pistachio Dariole with Chocolate
Pistachio Mousse & Milk Chocolate Ice Cream

Perhaps I overate 🙂 It is now 2 pm the following day and I still haven’t been able to eat a thing – not even my beloved bread and butter for breakfast!

I even passed on the traditional Crumbs cupcake we normally get at the office – I took a rain check and will have them when I come back from my trip.

Tonight I am going to another awesome restaurant, well I think it will be awesome, but I wasn’t told where we are going yet.  I hope to have my appetite back by then.

Tomorrow I am off to Brazil!!! On Sunday we will be having a barbecue to celebrate our birthday, followed by the most awesome chocolate cake one can ever dream of!

Did I ever tell you how crazy good are the bakeries and cake stores in Brazil? They are divine!

I just got a surprise delivery from Blissful Brownies!! I love surprises!  It came from this guy I dated probably 6/7 years ago and all of a sudden he calls me at the office last week.  I haven’t seen him yet and I am trying to remember why I broke up with him.  I asked him and he says that I told him that I had too much going on in my life and needed time to work things out and then I just never called him again. I don’t remember any of it.  I remember he is younger than I am, so maybe that is the reason, but I would have told him that.

Oh well, at any rate, now I will probably have to give him the courtesy of buying me a dinner/drink! One thing I know is if it didn’t work back then it is probably not going to work now – I am older, wiser, know what I want and my standards are much higher!

This post should be entitled Food, Food and more Food!!  Oh well it is my birthday after all, so today I am choosing to focus on the gift of my life and how blessed I am!

I will worry about work issues, hip pain, refinancing gone wrong, and other headaches tomorrow.

Today is party time!

HIP HIP HOORAY!!!

21 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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Nothing like pain to stop someone on their tracks!

The pain on my right hip has gotten so bad that I decided to take February off from most of my physical activities to see if my hip would get better (or good enough to be able to ski in February) on its own.  Since then I have been doing only Pilates, although skipping some exercises.  That worked somewhat well since I was able to goes skiing at the end of February.  By 3 pm everyday my hip would remind me that skiing was coming for an end for the day.  Still I had so much fun and was grateful for being able to ski at all.

I have always felt that my right hip was not really right, but it never bothered me enough to go to a doctor.  But I would joke, every now and then, that I would eventually have a hip replacement (and every time I said I would cringe and admonish myself, and I don’t want to give the Universe any ideas).  Everythign changed for the worst when I started volunteering. I enjoyed the manual labor and the cleaning and clearing out stuff so much I overdid.  Cleaning it is kind of cathartic to me, I feel better and lighter after it, even if the stuff I am getting rid of is not mine – lol

So this nagging hip and shoulder pain has been around since the end of last year.  I stop the volunteering and hoped that that would do the trick, but I guess the damage was already done.  Now that it started to interfere with my life I realized it was time to seek help.

I went to a neurologist at the Hospital for Joint Diseases.  This doctor was very well recommended… well the number one recommended doctor didn’t take my insurance, so he was the next best 🙂 After a consultation and x-rays, the doctor calls me and tells me that the x-rays shows nothing wrong with my hip.

I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad with that news. I know something is wrong, I feel it, and the pain is hard to ignore.  The doctor thinks it is perhaps a soft tissue problem and recommended I go to one of his colleagues, a Sports Medicine Orthopedic Surgeon.

I have not made an appointment yet. I am scheduled to go to Brazil next week (yippie!), so I decided to deal with that when I return.  I am also thinking about going to a chiropractor first before going this doctor.

Hopefully resting my hip as I have been will continue to help.

This has been and will continue to be a tremendous exercise in patient and perseverance.  Patience with my body and staying the course after a stumble.

I was so happy with my physical activities and that  its results on my body.  I guess with that came the feeling of  strength and invincibility which normally shows itself when I am feeling mighty good about myself.  When I feel invincible I tend to overdo it and disrespect nature and myself. Then, this very patient teacher called Life steps in, and once again, attempts to teach me to listen and respect my body.

Life also uses this opportunity to test my patience and ability to persevere. Am I going to fall apart now and revert to couch potato sugar eating junkie?  Or am I just going to weather this storm and continue slowly but surely towards my goal of a life of moderation, equal parts of fun and hard-work?

I want my chocolate cake and eat it too! I want to do all in moderation and not feel I am depriving myself of anything.  I want to exercise, but also watch tv and eat a chocolate chip cookie.  To me it is dangerous to veer off too much to one side versus the other.

And speaking of cake, as I am turning 47 next week, the age factor is also weighing heavily on me. Can I still do everything I want to do (tennis, skiing, and a lot more new things) or am I just showing up too late for this party?

I don’t know what my body will be able to accomplish until I try it.  I am going to put age and pain aside and work smart and steady.  I am not going down without a fight!! 🙂

Be good to your hip!

Guess what?? I have changed my mind!

15 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I did what I said I would never do! I signed up for e-harmony again! (Another wonderful thing about me: I allow myself to change my mind!!)

Even when you are no longer a member at e-harmony you still get emails from them with matches that want to get to know you, so one of them peaked my interest enough to want to check it out.

I have been casually dating someone, but he and I know this relationship is not going to get anywhere.  He is a great guy, but the age difference and the different priorities in life are too much for us to overlook.   Still we enjoy going out to dinner and sharing a bottle of wine every once in awhile.

This time e-harmony has been a very different experience then last time. I am still using the same profile I had but now I am getting many more matches and more of them interested in talking to me.  So, so far quantity is good, as far as quality we shall see. I think it has to do with my being open to the experience and not just wanting to find someone to replace Ex.

I went on one date with a great guy at a great restaurant, great conversation, but no chemistry on my side.  He wants a second date, but I said no.  There was one date which was just weird (I will write about in an upcoming post).   I have canceled 2 dates after I had already agreed on them, I really knew it wouldn’t work so I didn’t want to waste their time and my perfume.  And I am exchanging emails with a few interesting guys, so to me this has been a success already. (talk about low expectations- lol)

I think everything in life is a question of timing.  I believe in Divine Timing and I know that things will happen when they are meant to happen and if they are meant to happen.  The worst that could happen to me is that I end up alone, and that,  I have to tell you, is not bad at all because I adore my own company! 🙂  But with that being said, I think having a partner is much more fun.  So, until Divine Timing happens and that amazing guy knocks on my door,  I will play Master of my own Destiny and use whatever tools I have at my disposal to look for that special someone. 

I enjoy the fact that with e-harmony I am able to meet people from all walks of life.

Please don’t understand this post as an endorsement for e-harmony or any other online dating.  I am just saying that it works for me as a distraction and it helps me feel that I am in control (there I go again with that illusion that I am in control of anything) of my dating situation.

And if you do decide on an online dating site, the key word is safety! I don’t give my phone number or address to anyone. If something feels weird I stop communication immediately.  I listen to my gut!!

The moment I think a guy warrants a second date then that will be the end of my romance with Mr. Too Young (I told him about e-harmony).  It wouldn’t be right or fair to anyone involved, and I am not one to be juggling men! Well I never tried, perhaps I could be a natural… just kidding!!!

In the meantime EX emails again persisting on letting me know he doesn’t understand why I don’t want to see him, and still professing his love for me.  He is not talking about getting back together (not that I would, I just find it hilarious that he continuous to say that he loves me deeply while with a new girlfriend in his arms.)    I no longer have the energy to try to explain it, so I just continue to say: no, thank you!

Peace!

Mosaic Workshop

11 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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That is how I spent my Sunday, at a mosaic workshop in Stamford, CT.

I learned some great techniques and got the name of some materials to use.  I am definitely glad I went, but

one of the hardest parts for me was to be concentrating on one task for many hours straight.  I am the type of person that gravitates from task to task.  I also like to see results quickly, so it was such an exercise in focus and patience!

I didn’t even stop for lunch because I wanted to just get the project finished.  Quitting was not an option, so finishing it as fast as I could was.  Perhaps that means that mosaics are not the craft for me, but I like to believe that it just means that I need to learn how to slow down and how to be more focused. I also think that focus and talent are 2 different things.

and here is the final product:

Mosaic Project

My mom collects owls so I will be surprising her with this masterpiece (for some reason I can’t correct the orientation of the picture)

Of course right now I can think of many things that I could have done better, but still I am very proud of my owls!

Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

07 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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Congratulations are in order – my blog is 1 year old!!!!

So it is about time that it stops crawling and babbling and it starts walking and talking! But instead of progressing my blog seems to be regressing.  Ever the positive one, I see it as a good sign, a sign that I don’t need this security blanket anymore, I no longer need to write or I will explode.

Now I just want to write for the pure simple pleasure of writing!

My blog has identity crisis.  It doesn’t know what it wants to be when it grows up, actually my blog doesn’t want to grow up.  I think it is afraid of growing up.  It doesn’t want to take a stand, it just wants to be.

I have been absent – it is a fact! Things happened –  unplanned and some planned, and a bit of just pure laziness have kept me from posting.

I will not go through all that has been happening, as it would turn into a real long and boring post, instead I will just say that there has been:

Apartment flood issues (yes again, but this time at my rental.  My tenant was in a hotel for over 1 month, dare I say things are back to normal now?)

Refinance issues (the bank want what? the shoe size of my neighbor when I was 5 years old?  oh that seems reasonable! lol will it ever be finished?)

Regulatory issues at work – endless audits and questions. Not knowing if we will ever be compliant enough to be in business is very stressful, April 1 deadline looming closer and closer.

Personal issues -why can’t my mind and my body agree to be nice to each other? it is such an eternal battle.

Medical issues -Zumba and yoga put on hold, until doctors figure out why the right side of my body decided to revolt! x-rays and more x-rays here I come.

Ex issues – well this is not new, after all he is the reason this blog was born. But it never fails,  whenever I am starting to forget him he contacts me to ask me out.  Now the excuse is him wanting to take me out to celebrate my birthday at the end of the month. My reply: No thank you!

Vacation!!!! Thank God for time off and the chance to recover, renew and renovate.

I have navigated and I am still navigating all of those issues beautifully.

The following has helped me navigate these troubled waters:

Stopping and breathing!

Not saying everything that comes to mind when it comes to mind! (tough, tough, tough, such an exercise in restraint!)

Don’t say yes, when you really want to say no!

Knowing that nothing is worth a stress induced ulcer!

At the end of the day I know I am loved and blessed, constant self reminders are key not to lose focus!

What doesn’t kill me it will indeed make me stronger!

People have issues and whatever their reactions are it is not about me!

In vacation and in life, don’t sweat the small stuff!

Here are a few pictures of Snowmass, CO!  Awesome skiing!! Even after being sidelined a day with altitude sickness, I loved it!

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I have attempted to describe the beauty of it to friends, but it is impossible! You have to be there and see it with your own eyes.  Just majestic!!

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ps. Chief – Happy 8th birthday! You are the best dog in the world and I love you!! I may never see you again but you are always in my heart and prayers!  May St. Francis of Assisi guard and protect you always!

Chief's new toy

What letter am I? Listening to that nagging feeling!

09 Saturday Feb 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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What am I?  C, H or O?

Caucasian, Hispanic or Other?  How do I classify myself today?

Due to new regulations in my industry I needed to get my fingerprints done.  When filling out the form I encountered a question that I encounter often and it stumps me every time.

Race

What am I?  Well, I am Brazilian!  But that is never one of the options to choose from.

I normally just put down whatever they tell me, if I am completing it in front of someone.

But this time when the girl at the front desk there, who happens to be Hispanic, told me to put H I hesitated, but I did it.  She then started speaking Spanish to me as if to validate the idea that I am an H.   I wrote down H and then immediately regretted.   I said I am not Hispanic because I don’t speak Spanish.   I am Latina, because I am from Latin America.  She goes: same difference.

No, Madam, not to me!  I have nothing against being Hispanic or any other race for that matter, but it is not my race.  To say I am an H would be like putting me in this little box in which I don’t fit.  So I changed that H to an O.  Because I had written in pen and couldn’t erase it, after changing it it wasn’t really clear what letter it was.  So maybe that is what really best defines me, not an H, not an O , not really any specific letter but a combination of them.

I have traces of Black and Brazilian Indian from my mother’s side and White European (Portuguese descent) from my father’s side in my veins.  So I think I need a new category, perhaps All of the Above, Mixed or Mishmash.

But for the record from now on I am an O…  and proud of it!!

Listen to your dreams and that nagging feeling!

That same night I had a very vivid dream with the man that did my fingerprints.  He had been very nice and very talkative, asking me questions about Brazil during my appointment.

In my dream he was talking so much that he forgot to do 3 fingers on the second set of prints.  The next morning  I was surprised that I remembered the dream vividly (I never do), so the first thing I did when I walked into the office was to look at the set of fingerprints and confirm that all fingers were accounted for.  And they were!

But still I had a feeling that something was not right.  There was something telling me that something was off.  So for the 5th time I reopened the envelope and look at it again and aha! I noticed that he had not signed or dated the form.

I breathed a sigh of relief.  It felt good to have that uneasy feeling go away.

The best part is that I didn’t have to go all the way back to his office.  He felt bad about it and came to my office to sign it.

I know this is a minor unimportant detail and that I am extrapolating, but to me it reinforced the idea that we should always listen to our inner voices and gut feelings; that all the answers we seek are already within us if you look closely enough.  To me it also means I have to learn to be okay with silence and stillness so I can hear it and notice details, so I can hear and notice me and my body (heart, mind and soul) guiding me.

My fears are not me, and I am not my fears!!

05 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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I had an incredibly tough week, it was one thing after another – I will not list them here as I don’t want to give bad things any more power or voice.  My week was so bad that I ended up crying while at my Pilates session on Saturday.  I cried out of frustration and a feeling of weakness and powerlessness.

So I was really excited to go skiing on Sunday.  I was looking forward to letting go  of everything and just feeling free.  It also seems to me that on the mountain is the only place that I am able to not think about anything.  I also have been very happy with my progress in skiing – it is so great to be getting more and more comfortable on skis!

That is, until Sunday, until this little hill shattered my confidence!

I was going down a hill, and it was black, but only in name.  Levels are all relative, so the black on this mountain is really an easy blue or green on bigger mountains out west.

When my friend (that has been skiing longer than I have) and I were at the top of this hill looking down, my friend asked: Can you do it? and I said: Sure! I was full of confidence.   As soon as I started to go down I panicked and froze in place. For several minutes I couldn’t move. In those several minutes I was trying to figure out what was happening, why was I acting in such a way.  This is doable, I can do this!

At that moment the battle was not between me and the hill, but me and myself. It was not how steep or icy the hill was, it was how strong my mind was. It was a battle of trying to control my fear, my fear of speeding down out of control.   It was such a hard to explain feeling, my mind telling my body to move and my body just motionless.  It was as if my mind and my body were at war and odds at each other.

I knew that the only way down that hill was to ski down.  I also knew that with each passing moment I was letting the fear get stronger and stronger and therefore making it more difficult for me to move.  I eventually summed up all the courage that I had and I made my way down.

When I got down I was glad that not for a second I hesitated going onto the lift again.  But once on the chair things changed. After my heart had stopped racing, my mind had a chance to analyse the situation I started second guessing myself. I thought: what am I doing? why am I putting myself in this situation? Why don’t I just give this sport up? Why do I need to ski? I am glad that those thoughts didn’t stay for long.  I am glad that I was able to realize that I don’t need to ski, but I want to, and for so many reasons.  At that moment I realized I love the challenge that skiing presents to me, and this momentary setback just means the sport is giving me even more reason to love it and to try harder.

I was tempted to go and do the green trail, but I chose to do the same hill again. It was incredibly hard and I didn’t do as well as I had hoped, I again stopped and froze for a second, but I recovered and continued.  And I did the same hill once more and I did a little better. I chose not to do it more than 3 times because by that time my legs were already tired and I felt it was stupid to push and tempted faith.  I am so proud of myself for going to that hill again.

I also realized that this could be a little karma showing itself.  When I was at Greek Peak a couple of weeks ago I was skiing with a friend that was just learning. While I am also a beginner I completely enjoyed being one step ahead of him.  I think my confidence came across as cockiness.  I was preachy instead of patient.  I forgot humility somewhere along the bus ride from NY to Finger Lakes.  This is the way karma chose to knock me down a peg or two. Hey karma, I get it!! You don’t have to teach me twice, lesson has been heard loud and clear!

Feeling Free in Finger Lakes!

30 Wednesday Jan 2013

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A couple of weeks ago I went to the Finger Lakes region in upstate NY.  I took the bus out of Port Authority. To my surprise it was not full of transients as I expected. Even though I work just several blocks away I had never been in it and had all kinds of scary mental images of it.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was quiet, calm and easy to get around. It was a weekday 11am, I am sure that evenings and weekends are much different.

I went skiing at the Greek Peak Mountain and it was so much fun.  I took a couple of lessons and the instructors gave me very good tips and areas to focus in.

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I went to the below waterfall, which I think the name is Taughannock Falls.  It was beautiful and majestic. Nature humbles me!

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Another great stop was the Americana Winery, followed by dinner at the Crystal Lake Cafe.  For some reason all of sudden I am into wine. So it was fun doing the wine tasting.  I love playing wine connoisseur and pretending to detect hints of amber and other stuff.  All I know is if it sweet and if I like it or not. 🙂

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I stayed at this quaint and cozy Bed and Breakfast pictured below. It was built in 1897 and it has been beautifully maintained. It is located in Cincinnatus, NY.

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Other than skiing, the highlight of the trip was the desserts at Madeleine’s in Ithaca, NY.  I wish I could have had them all! If I only lived near…

I love going on trips, but coming home is pretty great too!! Thank you God for my safe haven!

Being able to travel, see new places, meet new people, explore new cultures, even if it is just a few hours from home, is such a blessing! If you have a chance to travel, please do!!

the one instance when I am embarrassed to be Brazilian!

25 Friday Jan 2013

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Don’t get me wrong, I love Brazil and I love and pride myself on being this hot blooded sassy Brazilian.  But every time I go to the Brazilian Consulate in NY and see how rudely the agents there treat Americans and Brazilians alike I cringe and shrink in my seat.  The agents are short tempered and condescending.   They don’t think twice about sending you away, it doesn’t matter how many hours you have traveled to get there.

When I think of a consulate I think of an organization that was created to help citizens in foreign countries.  Unfortunately that is not what you happens when you visit the Brazilian Consulate in New York.  They go out of their way to make Brazilian’s lives difficult.  They take pleasure out of making you feel inferior.  I dare say that they resent us for leaving Brazil and choosing to live in another country.  I don’t know if that is a fact or not but it is the feeling that I get.  And I am not alone, every Brazilian that I speak to is quick to point out a problem that they have faced in dealing with the Consulate!

Last year I needed a passport in 24 hrs, and after a lot of begging they gave to me, but to penalize me, instead of renewing for 5 years they renewed it for 1 year, which meant that 6 months later I have to go through the whole process again (forms, pictures, money from the US Postal Service – they do not accept it from any place – it has to be from the Post Office)

So there I go again last week, armed with my old (well, 6 months old) passport to renew it.  I fill the application online, email to ask for appointment, I take the picture as per the specifications, I get the money order from the Post Office and on the assigned day I stand in line for over 1 hour.  When my turn comes, the woman at the window looks at my documents and makes faces at everything, she questions me on the quality of the copies of my documents, she lectures me on the need to get some of my identifications redone.  She has a smirk on her face every time she points out something I should do better or different.  I am biting my tongue and trying the nice approach first.

After she collected all the documentation she issues me a number and a receipt so that I can come in one week to get the passport.  I feel an immense relief! First time that I will get this done without numerous trips and some begging.  I am thinking to myself, once I get my passport I wont have to deal with these people for another 4 1/2 years!

3 days letter,  I get a voice mail from the consulate agent that helped (well that is really not the right word)  with my paperwork.   To summarize her message, she said that unless I present an original birth certificate they will not give me a passport!

I guess giving me a passport for the previous 30 years is not proof enough that I am Brazilian! And of course I am not going to dare ask them to give me then a Visa on my American passport instead- I made that mistake years ago an still remember the scolding I got!

After searching through my documents I find 5 different certified copies of my birth certificate, one even includes a certified English translation. I go back to the consulate and after the required waiting in line time, I talk to her and present everything I have, and promise to get another copy when I get to Brazil.

She looks at each copy and is clearly not happy with any of them, she narrows in on the fact that the letter I in my name is faded from the birth certificate being folded for many years.  She again preaches to me how I should go and get another one the first thing I do when I get to Brazil, and how easy it is – I am not going to explain to her that it is not as simple as she is describing. And she tells me to sit down and wait.  I am happy and feel that telling me to wait is because they will give me the passport.

After waiting for 30 minutes she finally calls me over and hands me the passport and asks me to sign it (I am so happy and relieved!), I ask where and she says: The same place where you signed the last one! Yes it would kill her to point out to me where to sign.  I eventually find the right line and as I am signing she says:  next time if you have all the documentation in order perhaps you will get one for 5 years!!

My face fell, my spirits sank, no they didn’t! Yes they did!! Again they gave me another passport valid for 1 year only.  So in approximate 6 months I will have to do all this all over again.  By then I will have redone all the documentation that they gave me a hard time with.  I wonder what will they find fault with next?

But to summarize, it is not even all the impossible and picky requirements, it is the holier than thou attitude, it is the condescending tone of voice, it is the unnecessary preaching and lecturing that makes you feel 2 feet tall! That is what makes me feel embarrassed every time I am in the consulate and see non-Brazilians being subjected to that!

I was once told that it is called reciprocation, that that is the same way Brazilians are treated at the American Consulate in Brazil! Tit for tat? To me that is not a good excuse.  At least no one can say they discriminate, no matter what your race is you will be treated badly!

Thank you Consulate General of Brazil in New York! You make me proud! NOT!

I texted Ex!

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I texted Ex!
I know how it looks. And I actually don’t care how it looks, but how I feel.
One of the things I pride myself on is always giving a voice to my heart.  I like wearing my heart on my sleeve, I like being open and transparent.
Saying what I want, when I want unburdens and empowers me.
I don’t care what he thinks either. It is not about him! It never was! It is about me and my feelings and how I act and react to them!
I am taking myself and my heart back little by little, too slow for my liking, but somethings cannot be rushed. Each little step towards freedom is important and rewarding.
I texted him to express gratitude.
I was at Windham, NY skiing (or attempting to) and I was feeling overwhelmed with the freedom of the open space and the beauty of the mountain. I was also feeling good about my progress skiing.
Right then and there I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for the person that introduced me to skiing: Ex

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This is what I wrote:
“I want you to know that no matter how much hurt I still have in my heart I will be eternally grateful for the many things you have taught me including and especially skiing. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
I know that many may think I am opening a door for him to waltz back in, but that is not the case at all. I am opening a door to the healing of my heart.
I don’t expect a reply, that was no the point of sending the text.
He does reply in the form of an email the following day, saying I should be proud of being a Brazilian skier.
and that was it!

I have decided to look at my relationship with Ex, as a whole, with all its beauty during and not so beautiful ending. The relationship was not the ending alone, I cannot only think about how it ended and dwell on it.  I cannot also only think about the beautiful time and have this unreal view of it.
I don’t regret sending it the text the same way I don’t regret the relationship.  IN fact I would be willing to do it all over again!

I think that my reaching out to him is my way of making peace with my past.  I cannot hate Ex, that would be like hating my past, and I love my past.  I don’t want to be in the past, I want to be fully in the present and embrace the amazing future that awaits.  I want to continue to grow and become better and better. But my past is me, and I embrace it, love it and I am making peace with it!

It felt so freeing being the one that reached out instead of being in the receiving end! It made me feel in control.  I am making things happen and not waiting for them to happen to me and just react to it!

So, thank you Ex, for skiing and other things! Thank you for my lovely memories!