I texted Ex!
I know how it looks. And I actually don’t care how it looks, but how I feel.
One of the things I pride myself on is always giving a voice to my heart. I like wearing my heart on my sleeve, I like being open and transparent.
Saying what I want, when I want unburdens and empowers me.
I don’t care what he thinks either. It is not about him! It never was! It is about me and my feelings and how I act and react to them!
I am taking myself and my heart back little by little, too slow for my liking, but somethings cannot be rushed. Each little step towards freedom is important and rewarding.
I texted him to express gratitude.
I was at Windham, NY skiing (or attempting to) and I was feeling overwhelmed with the freedom of the open space and the beauty of the mountain. I was also feeling good about my progress skiing.
Right then and there I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for the person that introduced me to skiing: Ex
This is what I wrote:
“I want you to know that no matter how much hurt I still have in my heart I will be eternally grateful for the many things you have taught me including and especially skiing. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
I know that many may think I am opening a door for him to waltz back in, but that is not the case at all. I am opening a door to the healing of my heart.
I don’t expect a reply, that was no the point of sending the text.
He does reply in the form of an email the following day, saying I should be proud of being a Brazilian skier.
and that was it!
I have decided to look at my relationship with Ex, as a whole, with all its beauty during and not so beautiful ending. The relationship was not the ending alone, I cannot only think about how it ended and dwell on it. I cannot also only think about the beautiful time and have this unreal view of it.
I don’t regret sending it the text the same way I don’t regret the relationship. IN fact I would be willing to do it all over again!
I think that my reaching out to him is my way of making peace with my past. I cannot hate Ex, that would be like hating my past, and I love my past. I don’t want to be in the past, I want to be fully in the present and embrace the amazing future that awaits. I want to continue to grow and become better and better. But my past is me, and I embrace it, love it and I am making peace with it!
It felt so freeing being the one that reached out instead of being in the receiving end! It made me feel in control. I am making things happen and not waiting for them to happen to me and just react to it!
So, thank you Ex, for skiing and other things! Thank you for my lovely memories!