Monthly Archives: December 2012

SMILE! Just smile

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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(Written Dec 14, 2012)

I am such a cry baby today.
I am crying over everything!
I am crying for me, I am crying for the world!

I have been crying over not being called to volunteer this week. I wonder why…

I have been crying over my inability to let a day go by without having some thought related to Ex.

I have been crying for a friend over his pain over his mother’s sudden passing. We haven’t seen each other in years and just have an email relationship, but at this moment I wish I could just hold him tight and say that all will be okay.

I am crying over today’s senseless tragedy (Sandy Hook shooting) How can someone be so evil as to decide to take people’s lives? Not to mention children’s lives!

Why? Why is the biggest question. Could it be prevented? that is another often asked question.  I guess anything can be prevented.  Are we trying to find someone to blame, other than the shooter himself?  I think we are trying to make sense of something so senseless.   It is impossible to make sense of this senseless tragedy, so I am not even going to try.

Just now I hear from my friend/date AL  that his best friend, who is just barely 30 years old was rushed to the hospital with stomach pains.  After an emergency surgery he was told he has stomach and lung cancer and things don’t look.  He has 2 little boys, a 2 and 4 year old! What can I tell AL that will make him feel better about his friend’s situation.

I feel powerless and at a loss.  I don’t know the right words to use.   I want to tell all the victims, relatives, friends, all,  to be strong and positive!  But how dare I? There is no experience in my life that even comes close to losing a loved one.  I haven’t been in their shoes! It is very easy for me to be positive!

I offer what I can:  prayers and positives thoughts.  I dare and say, be positive!  I mention God and faith.   I offer to help, and I say I am here for them.

Just so much sadness just around Christmas time when our biggest worry should be what gift to buy to someone.

I am just wishing everyone a better tomorrow! I am just wishing everyone hope for a better tomorrow!

All happens for a reason, even tragedies and miseries – I have to believe that! What is the alternative? To believe in a Godless world?  No, not me! I am going to continue to say that life is beautiful and that God is merciful!

I am choosing to believe that everyone that lost their lives in this tragedies had accomplished their mission here.  Somebody may be gone from this world, their physical presence no longer here, but their memories, their spirits, will always shine inside and upon those fortunate enough to have known them.  I am picturing all the kids as happy smiling angels!

I just hope that we can all, at this moment, decide to care a little more about each other, about our neighbors, about strangers that we cross paths with every day. Let’s dare be intrusive and ask someone if they are okay when we sense something is wrong. Let’s not waste a single chance to offer our friendship, a kind word or just a smile.

Sometimes I think just a warm friendly smile at the right moment can prevent a tragedy. I am that naive! I smile at strangers in the train, on the street, anywhere and I normally get a smile back, sometimes a shy one, sometimes a big one, but a smile is a smile and I will take it any way I can get.

I think that Charles Chaplin said it best, here in the voice of Nat King Cole

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying.
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

I didn’t volunteer, I saw the rockettes, I missed my station, I ate Irish Soda bread, I am in love with my ski boots, I am thinking of craigslist as a viable option, andI am looking forward to bread again!

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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I am so exhausted today that I fell asleep in the train on the way home from work.  I missed my stop and woke up in another state.  I woke up in Stamford, CT, okay it is only 30/40 minutes from my home in NY, but still, at the end of a long day at work all I wanted to do was get home and not have to 40 minutes past my home, then have to wait 20 minutes for the next train back.

Luckily my co-worker had given me a loaf of Irish soda bread (which I am nuts for lately), so enjoyed my train ride back eating bread – I had to do something not to fall asleep again! Plus lately if I go more than 3 hours without eating I go nuts.  The bread he gave me looks exactly like the one in this picture.

I am a bit down that I was not called upon to volunteer on Saturday.  I had pretty much my heart set on volunteering every Saturday for the rest of my life.  I love the cleaning and gutting of the houses, I love manual labor.  I am not sure why I was not asked to go.  I had sent an e-mail and didn’t receive a reply.  Since the person in charge knows my intentions I felt weird contacting her again.  I hate being pushy about anything.  I know that not being a good worker is not reason they haven’t called, as a matter of fact, I was singled out as working too hard in a smelly storage shed.  Perhaps they thought I was a show off! 🙂 oh well, I am sending another email tomorrow asking about next Saturday. If I don’t hear anything I am looking for agencies to contact, or perhaps I am going to go out knocking on doors and offering help.

Sunday I went to The Radio City Christmas Show.  The man I met on E-harmony ( from this post https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/05/29/first-e-harmony-date/) came to his farm in upstate NY and stopped in NY City to take me out.  He knows we are just friends but I think that he is hoping that things will change.  I don’t see how.  I don’t see how can chemistry magically appear.  We do have a great time together, but I am not sure if continuing the friendship will only give him false hope.  And the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.

The show was great, the Rockettes rocked!  I was seated in the same row as Jimmy Fallon.  Some people were going nuts because of him and asking for autographs, pictures, etc.  I am thinking: what is the big deal he is just a human being, it is not like he is Ben Afleck, in which case I would be going nuts!

My co-worker is on vacation so things are busier than usual for me. We are also having to deal with a lot of new regulations in our industry.  We under the wire, in danger of having our doors closed come 2013. Yep, a bit stressing!

But in all the stress, I am dreaming about a skiing vacation. To feel that I am close to going skiing I went ahead and bought myself skiing boots.  I am like a child, every now and then I open the box and look at them!

I was going to go somewhere close by in the Northeast, but I will have to rent a car, so it seems simpler to just jump on a plane.  Since I am going to Colorado in February, I am thinking either Utah or Canada in January, but there are so many choices. (suggestions on good (cheap) resorts for beginners are welcomed and appreciated 🙂 )

One of the problems with singlehood is when you see a great vacation deal and you are ready to buy and then you read the small print that says: double occupancy! I saw this great deal on this luxury hotel in Whistler, almost too good to be true,  I tried to book it and there it is, that double occupancy requirement to mess things up. 🙂

You know you are desperate when you consider putting an ad on craigslist for a travel companion. 😦

Got run, I want to get to bed earlier.  I don’t want a repeat of falling asleep on the train tomorrow… and the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I can get up and have Irish soda bread with coffee.  I am so blessed and happy!!

Is the point of a holiday dinner to bring employees close together?

14 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food, Reviews

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We had our holiday dinner on Tuesday night.

It was a repeat of the previous years, which means great place, great food and drunken co-workers (and the boss) behaving badly.

We went to Pietro’s Restaurant in Manhattan, NY.  It is a first class Italian Restaurant.  Every single dish was amazing, and we pretty much had every single item on the menu. (our bill attests to that!!)

There were 14 of us, 12 male and 2 females.

Unfortunately, as it is always the case, the guys leave work at 3:30pm and head to a bar and start drinking.  By the time dinner time arrives they are already drunk.

It is sad that, after being in this male dominated industry for over 20 years, I have gotten used to this behavior.  I pretty much ignore it and leave the party/dinner when it gets too much or when management throw us out.

These are not happy drunks talking and singing too loud.  No, no, no, these are obnoxious, rude, crude, totally unaware of their surroundings kind of drunk.

There were complaints from some of the other tables, but the waiters never said anything to us.  My boss goes there all the time.  His bills are normally very high and he tips generously, so they were probably more patient than usual.

A very drunken co-worker got up before dinner was over and announced that he was going home, but not before he loudly told 2 co-workers that they didn’t know how to broker (that is our profession),  told another 3 that he didn’t like them and told a last one that he will eventually kick his behind (well, he said “ass” but since I am a lady I couldn’t repeat that).   The next morning he conveniently didn’t remember any of it!

I was happy to see him go and things calmed down a bit after that, but we were still too loud.

The sober ones left right after dessert while the drunken ones went bar hopping.  That is, after 2 of them got into a physical altercation outside the restaurant and had to be restrained by the others, not once but 3 times as they walked one block.  I was happy I was not there to witness that.  Fights scare me, and in this case I would have been terribly angry too.

I am happy to report that things at work have been peaceful.

I think next year I am putting my foot down: I will not attend dinner if they start drinking ahead of dinner time.

One bright note: I have a huge piece of chocolate cake and tiramisu in my fridge that I brought home from the restaurant.  Sugar always brightens my day and my mood!

I hate to sound judgmental but why do grown men, and women for that matter, have to drink until they are no longer in control of their actions?  I guess that is the control freak in me asking.  Is their lives so bad that they have to escape it?

That is one of the reasons I never got drunk and never smoked anything in my life, I am terrified of losing control!  Plus I am already high on life, and if you throw some dancing music in there then that is the icing on the cake! well throw in some cake and the room really starts to turn!!

So if the point of a holiday dinner is to bring employees close together my company is totally missing the point! Yelling, name calling, fighting should not be a part of it!  Why can we just be like other companies with some good old fashioned terrible dancing and/or making out with someone you shouldn’t?

 

Miss Mosaic Maker Wannabe!

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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I love mosaics! They make me happy! they make me smile!

The most wonderful case scenario would be to spend some time in Italy and learn the craft with an artisan. Until that happens I have been looking for mosaic classes.  As I have mentioned before I came up empty on my search.  NY has everything except Mosaic classes (at least I wasn’t able to find any,  and I am good at finding anything).

So I figure I will learn as I go along.  My first project was the house number at ex’s house.  It was done 2 years ago and it came out great.

So after more than 2 years I decided to try again.  So here I present to you my second attempt at mosaic work.

Mosaic frame

Let’s just say that the cracks on the grout were done by design and to give an aged appearance.

Mosaic frame landscape

As you can see I have a lot to learn, but it feels great to finish something I started.  I have a tendency to start a lot things at the same time and not see them to the end (the 4 books on my nightstand attest to that).

Do I think the frame came out great? no, not really, but I am very proud of it!  We have to start somewhere, and it will be nice to track my progress in my blog as I learn more.

My next project will be made of sea shells that I collected years ago in Florida.  So stay tuned! 🙂

Missing everything about you …

04 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I wrote this months ago when, clearly,  I missed everything about Ex.

I don’t miss you, I miss the idea of you

I don’t miss your house, I miss playing house

I don’t miss our dinners together, I miss a table for two

I don’t miss the the tennis court, I miss a partner

I don’t miss your bed, I miss a warm body next to me at night

I don’t miss our time together, I miss the daily routine

I don’t miss your kisses, I miss a mouth touching mine

I don’t miss your voice, I miss being told the truth

I don’t miss your touch, I miss being touched

I don’t miss the vacations together, I miss escaping the day to day

I don’t miss you, I miss the fairy-tale, the infinite, the forever

I don’t miss anything about you, yet there is a hole so big and deep that sometimes threatens to swallow me

But in reflecting about this I realize there is one thing I miss. The one thing about you that is pure and honest:  I miss your dog! I miss those big black eyes begging me for a treat!

and this last image is just because it made me laugh:

Exhausted, but happy!

02 Sunday Dec 2012

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Today I went to Breezy Point, Queens, NY with a group of volunteers. We cleaned out a basement and gutted and demolished 2 houses.

house, Breezy Point

It was eerie getting into Breezy Point.  All I saw was policemen, firemen, and other organizations.  The house and other properties seemed abandoned.

There were no kids playing, teenagers running around, people walking/jogging, nothing of the usual images that makes up what we think a small shore town should look like.

The houses we worked on were right on the water, the view and location was amazing, but it is hard to reconcile the beauty of the view with the destruction that I am witnessing.

I ask myself: Would I want to live this close to the water?  the answer is no!  I love and I am grateful for nature and the ocean, for the beauty of it and for all it affords us, but since the tsunami in 2004 my respect for nature is becoming a fear. 😦

Breezy Point

Unfortunately besides all the garbage and debris removed from the houses, at one of them we located the owner’s dead cat that we found behind the insulation.  I guess it tried desperately to escape the rising water and failed.

It has been a real long time since I have felt this physically exhausted.  Every muscle in my body hurts.  But it is good pain.

I enjoy manual labor, I enjoy cleaning.  I wish I could do it more often.

Besides the joy of the manual labor and the joy of helping families that desperately need help, I had the joy of bringing home this old wooden tennis racket (only a tennis lover could appreciate it!).   We had saved some of the contents of the houses that we were clearing out for the owners to confirm it was garbage.  The owner decided that she no longer wanted to keep her mother’s old tennis racket, so I happily brought it home!:)

I am looking forward to Pilates tomorrow because of the stretching that I get at the end of it.  I am also looking forward to volunteer again next Saturday!