Tag Archives: life lessons

Book Review: Wake Up Call by Tom Rapsas

17 Saturday Feb 2024

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Reviews

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“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

This is another long overdue review of a book from one of my fellow bloggers. This is a review of the book “Wake Up Call” by Tom Rapsas. I love, love, love, this book! It speaks to me! I am writing in the present tense, because I am still reading it. And I will probably be reading it forever.

Tom Rapsas is a self-described regular guy. He is a fellow blogger that, like myself, has always been curious about all things spiritual. Unlike myself, Tom has been constantly working hard in pursuing and expanding his spiritual knowledge. To our benefit.

Tom Rapsas and I met through our blogs a few years ago. We had exchanged messages in each other’s blogs, and at one point even considered meeting in person in NY City. At that time we both worked in Midtown Manhattan. We never end up meeting. We were both very busy. Then Covid happened. My job relocated to Westchester County, his to New Jersey. Life happened and we lost touch.

I was surprised to receive an email from him in October 2023. He let me know that he had written a book and was offering me an advance copy. I was happy to be remembered and felt honored by the offer. In November I received the book and put it aside until I was done with some others I had to finish. I wanted to give it my full and undivided attention.

When I started reading it, in January, I dove in headfirst and began going through the pages in record time. I recognized names and the teachings that I have always loved. Some I had not read in a long time and was happy to be reacquainted. I also encountered new names and new teachings. I felt my world expanding.

A few chapters in I realized I was making a big mistake by going too fast. I am all about results, and finishing a book is always an accomplishment to me.  But, a book, specially this one, is not about finishing, but learning and getting inspired by its many teachings.

This book is perfect in small bites, where one can savor its message, digest its content, and really assimilate the lessons. This is a book to be practiced and not just read.

I went back to page one and started again. This time savoring every word. There is no hurry. Finishing it is not the goal. The goal is to open my mind and heart to all the amazing rewards that come with learning and practicing the lessons here. The purpose is to be inspired to learn, to grow, to do more and be more.

This book is a testament to the extent of Tom’s work and dedication to all matters spiritual. It is such a powerful gift to anyone that is interested in learning more about spiritual teachings but was often overwhelmed by so many ideas out there.

Tom compiled the main spiritual ideas of all my favorite writers. He reminded me the reasons why they are my favorites. Tom also introduced me to writers that I didn’t know. He summarized and explained the core teachings of so many amazing writers, and made the teachings easy to understand.

In reading it slowly, I am letting the words speak to me. Little by little, I let the inspiration wash over me. I try to read some of it every morning and night, even if it is just a paragraph. Or any time that I feel that I need a spiritual pick me up. Sometimes I read the same passage over and over again – each time reaping a different benefit.

This book, true to its name, was a real “Wake Up Call” for me. This book came at the perfect time. At a time that I knew my spiritual side was dormant and needed waking up. This book has been a reminder that I need to continue the spiritual work. It feeds my mind and soul.

I had been busy falling in love and learning how to be part of a couple. I know it is funny to say that, but it is true. Michael showed up and I let go of a lot. Not his fault. I made him a priority, as he made me.

It is such a blessing to rediscover the benefits of spiritual teachings in my life. I have seen its rewards in the past.  It opens my heart and my soul, and it gives me purpose in this world. Developing my spiritual side has made me better in so many ways, for me and for others. I am more forgiving, more understanding, less judgmental and more grateful than ever before.

I don’t think I will ever finish this book. I don’t think it is a book to read it and put it away. Tom’s wisdom and insights will benefit me forever. It has become my go to book. It is my Bible of inspiration.   I am so happy and grateful it has been written.

I love and agree when he says: “Wisdom comes from many sources.” This is a book of the most important and insightful spiritual teachings out there. All in one place.  It exposes the reader to the many different teachings in spiritually.  All alongside Tom’s valuable insights.

I probably repeated myself, but I really treasure this book and want you to know.  If you are interested in spiritual teachings, in growth, in becoming better as a person, this book is for you!

Stay tuned for more reviews of books by my fellow bloggers.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” ― Charles W. Eliot

At this very moment I choose to be happy – I will never have a chance to live this moment again!

02 Friday Feb 2024

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I AM STILL CLEANING OUT MY DRAFTS FOLDER.  FROM 260 DRAFTS, I AM DOWN TO THE LAST 60 – YIPPIE – PROGRESS!!!

THIS IS FROM A TIME I WAS STILL STRUGGLING AFTER THE BREAK UP. AROUND 2014. I WAS STRUGGLING THINKING OF ALL I HAD LOST, INSTEAD OF APPRECIATING ALL I HAD.

THIS IS ME, REMINDING MYSELF TO BE GRATEFUL!

We have a saying in Brazil that goes like this: “Eu era feliz e nao sabia!”. It means: I was happy and didn’t know it!

To me, it means that, oftentimes we are too busy thinking about what we want and don’t have, to notice all the great stuff we have.

We let amazing sunrises and sunsets go bye unnoticed and unappreciated. We let simple amazing moments go by.

We take things for granted, not realizing how great life really is at the moment.  We take jobs for granted, we take people for granted, until they are gone.

We want happiness, but in the search of happiness, we miss happy moments. In search of destination, we miss the journey.  In search of results, I miss the beauty of the process.

The key to happiness, or perhaps I will not even go that far, but the key to a good life is to enjoy fully whatever you are doing in this exact moment.

I want to make sure I enjoy single life and all its goodness instead of the ‘victim’ in me feeling bad that I didn’t have any kids and,  that is now the holidays and my family is thousands miles away and,  I don’t have anyone to snuggle with at night.

I am looking at the good side of singlehood! Living alone, watching what I want when I want, eating or not eating,

I can do what I choose, when I choose, with whom I choose.  I don’t have to make excuses for anybody else.

The lesson: appreciate what you have at this very moment, no matter what it is. It doesn’t last.

At this very moment someone is wishing they were safe, warm, had something to eat.  At this very moment I am crying over someone that doesn’t care. How pathetic of me!

I need to stop, and realize that this moment is unique and wonderful.  At this very moment I choose to be happy.  I am learning to stop, breath and appreciate.

Some days are easy. Some days it takes a conscious effort to remember to cherish the details, to cherish the simple. Some days it takes effort to be grateful.

Welcome Pain! My door is open!

28 Sunday Jan 2024

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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THIS WAS WRITTEN IN APRIL 2012.  I AM CLEANING OUT MY DRAFTS FOLDER AND EITHER PUBLISING OR DELETING SOME POSTS. Please forgive typos.

I DECIDED TO PUBLISH THIS ONE,  EVEN THOUGH IT WAS WRITTEN LONG AGO. IT WAS FROM A TIME THAT I WAS IN A LOT PAIN, STILL FROM THE BREAK UP.  I HAVE LEARNED A LOT SINCE THEN, AND I STILL BELIEVE IN APPROACHING PROBLEMS AS LESSONS AND OPPORTUNITIES. Please forgive typos.

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.”― Rumi

If pain is growth, if pain is where the light comes in, as Rumi says.  Then, by all means, pain come in.  You and all your friends: dramas, headaches, problems, etc

Come in, all at once, if you can.  I want to grow a lot, and fast.

When you look at a problem, not as a problem, but as a lesson or a challenge, it is no longer a problem.  From that moment on, it becomes an opportunity.  Immediately, right from the start, the problem doesn’t own you, you own the problem.  You are in control and at the driver’s seat.

I am learning to look at a situation from different points of view, but never as a victim. I choose to be a student ready to learn some specific lesson.  How wonderful that I have been chosen to learn this lesson.

My only job here is to learn it.  I am learning how to step back and access the situation, analyze it, inspect it and then choose how to handle it. Do I need to attack it or just let it be, and let nature take its course.

I no longer have to attack every situation head on.  The Aries in me is learning to stop and let things happen.  Let nature take its course knowing that the best outcome will be mine if I don’t react, but deal with things with a level head and peaceful heart.

It is not easy not to react, and because it is not easy, it makes it even more rewarding.  I already knew in  my heart that no matter what comes my way, I will always be okay.  The more I learn the lessons, the more life gets better and better.  I no longer think I am going to be okay, I know, in fact, that I am going to be more amazing and more blessed each day.

I now look forward to going to bed because I can’t wait for my tomorrow to start.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

Looking back – January 2022

29 Thursday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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At the office – still in the Christmas mood

Before I look to the future and talk about my plans for 2023, I want to take a look back.  Is 2022 really over?  Didn’t it just start?

I am going to look back month by month, otherwise it would be a very long post.

THIS HAPPENED IN JANUARY 2022

It was a busy month, even though I spent most of it struggling with Covid. Some of the symptoms stayed around for 3 months.  Actually, the mental fogginess and anxiety still visit every now and then.

Feeling sick, as it often does, highlights the joys of a time when one is healthy.  At that moment nothing else matters. Health is indeed our most sacred commodity!

A co-worker that I have had issues with in the past got mad at me, for no real reason, and blocked me on our internal communication chat.  I think he felt he had to have the last word.  Weeks later he unblocked me because he needed something.  I then blocked him, not as revenge but as a protection of the peace of not having to chat with him had afforded me.  We now communicate only via email when it is absolutely necessary.

I learned that no matter how much I try, some people will not like me.  I learned that sometimes the best communication is no communication at all. I also learned that forgiving is a virtue, but forgetting can be dangerous.  We have to set up and enforce boundaries to protect our emotional being.

After canceling a date with the Greek because of Covid, we eventually met for the 4th date.  I was really not feeling any chemistry, but since I said I would treat him for his birthday I felt I needed to go.  I was hoping we could be friends.  That night we disagreed on a couple of topics, but as we ended the night, I thought he understood and accepted friendship.

After that, he diminished the number of texts, so I assumed he had gotten the message.  More about him in March.

People will sometimes assume things about me. It is not on me; it is on them.  I cannot force anyone to understand me. I know who I am.  That is enough.

The infamous EX-boyfriend (the cause for the start of this blog 10 years ago) reached out with a weird text about the sauna in his house.  I did what I always do.  I ignored him.  And blocked him.

He no longer has any effect on me. It took me years to put my heart back together after him.  It all passes and I grow stronger and stronger.

I reconnected with an older woman, my mom and I had met in Israel.  It is good to reconnect with people that brings us good memories.  It brightened her day and mine.

I just called her today.  She is now 90 years old.  She was so happy to hear from me. She is such a kind soul.  

I need to remember the good souls from my past and do more of an effort of reaching out. Human connections are important, specially the ones that make my heart sing!

I finally got my floors finished and, and in the process the noise disturbed my neighbors.  I had notified the building management, but they had failed to notify the neighbors.  Instead of getting mad, I knocked on the neighbor’s door with a bottle of wine and a smile as an apology.  They were surprised.

We are now great friends. My sister and I are now included in their get-togethers.

It is often better to take the high road.  It definitely better to be happy than to be right!  It is hard to fight the instinct to fight, not to be perceived as weak and a doormat. But I choose to pick my battles.  Not everything requires a fight. Sometimes is better to solve issues with a bottle of wine and a smile.

That was a summary of January 2022. February coming next.

Dates Update: September 2022

02 Sunday Oct 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Abandon the urge to simplify everything, to look for formulas and easy answers, and to begin to think multidimensionally, to glory in the mystery and paradoxes of life, not to be dismayed by the multitude of causes and consequences that are inherent in each experience — to appreciate the fact that life is complex.” ― M. Scott Peck

Here is a quick update on the last few dates:

The 60-year old Stock Broker. We became texting friends.  He is a great guy, but there was really no chemistry for me.  His life has been very complicated lately, so we haven’t been able to meet again, as friends.  I hope that the complications in his life get sorted out.

The 65-year old Doctor.  The coffee date went well. The conversation was great, but I didn’t think there was enough there for a second date.  I was surprised when he texted a few days later, and asked me out on a second date for Wednesday night. 

I said yes, thinking there was no harm in meeting for a second time.  I immediately realized that I had said yes to someone else also, but decided not to cancel right away.

It turns out I didn’t need to.  The next day he texted and said: “I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready.  I need to hold off on Wednesday for now.”  I said: “no problem, best wishes”

Later he texted back that he was going to call me on Wednesday.  I replied that I didn’t see the point of that.  He came back with: “It is not that I am not interested.  I just need to take some time for myself.”

I just decided not to reply anymore.  He is just cheap and doesn’t want to spend money on dinner, that is my take.  While I am not a materialistic person, I am allergic to cheapness.

Yesterday he texted: “What are you doing Saturday”

If I were going to answer it would be: “Not going out with you.”

I didn’t reply.  I don’t want to spend any  on him anymore.

The dog guy.  He is a great guy, but only friend material.  There was not any hint of anything romantic about our two dates.  I think he realized it also.  After some texting back and forth, it fizzled. I will miss Mr. W. the dog.

Then there was Mr. Very Smart. We went on one date. We had dinner at Sergio’s in Pelham, NY.  Everything was delicious, including the conversation.  He is so wise and resourceful that he was able to find this blog with very little information.  So, if you are reading this: Hello 🙂

I met him between dates 1 and 2 with the guy I will be mentioning next.  Had I not gone on additional dates with Mr. Sweetness, I would probably have gone on additional dates with Mr. Very Smart.

That brings me to Mr. Sweet.  We had 4 dates so far.  Since this post is getting too long, I will be writing about him on the next.

I will just mention that all feel magical!

“When nothing is expected, and everything is appreciated, all becomes magical.” ― Broms The Poet, Feast

The pains of a broken heart and the possibilities of online dating

25 Sunday Sep 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

Disclaimer: I didn’t have a chance to edit again, so please pardon the typos etc. It is a case if I don’t publish now, I fear I will never publish it.  

Hbsuefred https://hbsuefred.com/ wrote me a comment that hit me in such a deep way that I decided to write my reply to her in the form of a post.  

This was her comment:

As a newly single older gal, I feel so blessed to be schooled by you and others in a similar position who share their experiences. So far, I think the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s a lot of work which to me makes it seem not worth the effort. Of course, I met my idiot ex (he filed after 30 years of marriage) through a dating service.

The fact that he just took wife #4 whom I believe he met on a dating website confirms that probably the older men one meets that way are generally not keepers. Of course I’m a bit jaded after stumbling on new wifey’s name and fb page where she posted wedding pix of ceremony that looks like it took place pretty recently and on which she and all her friends extol his virtues. None of them knows the morose alcoholic as well as I do. In fact, they may not even know that about him, including her!

The kicker was that ceremony and holiday pix from end of last year were taken in my old living room! However, after taking another stroll down memory lane (the written through correspondence history of our demise) this time there were no tears as it made me realize how long I put up with his crap and how much better off I am now without him.

Thanks for letting me vent. I hope your audit is successfully completed soon and that you keep sharing your adventures in dating which may someday be successful as well. In the meantime, enjoy your upcoming break. Will it have another purpose of preparing you for the upcoming dreaded holidays?

Here is my reply in 2 parts: Heartbreak and Online Dating.  

Heartbreak:

You can vent here any time you want.  30 years is a real long time to share your life with someone, only to have that be taken it away from you.  It is cruel to have that life you knew disappear.  My heart aches for you.

This is the first time in a real long time that I was taken back to that very painful period of time in my life, over 10 years ago.  My relationship was only a fraction of time of yours. Mine lasted 3 years, but the pain was so deep that I thought I was going to die from a broken heart.  I can’t begin to imagine your pain.

When you mentioned seeing pictures of the new wife taken in your old living room, I recall how I felt coming across similar details. It was like I was being punched in the stomach.  It was a slap in the face to see how easily I had been replaced.  I feel your pain.  I feel the devastation. I feel the anger.

I felt alone, sad, and stuck in the past, while he so quick and seamlessly continued life with somebody new.  For a long time I wanted my life back, I wanted him back.  As if he was a such a great prize.  I was the prize, but he was too dumb to see it.

For some time I wanted to hear him say: “I am sorry I cheated on you and hurt you”.  As if he would ever possess any sense of guilt or would ever acknowledge any wrongdoing.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

I went through all the stages of grief.  The one that I got stuck on the longest was denial.  I kept lying to myself. First, that it was not happening. Second, that he would come back. Thankfully he never did, otherwise I would probably have taken him back, only to be cheated on over and over again.

I didn’t know how to imagine my life without him.  I became blind and powerless.  It was as if he was the last man in the world.  How wrong I was.  Looking back I shudder to realize how long I allowed myself to feel like a victim and how much time I wasted wallowing in pity.

One of the best things I did was to stop looking at social media and googling him and the new girlfriend.  Every time I searched for him and her, I was being sucked back into the pain and anger.  It was hard not to give into the curiosity, but I felt more powerful every time I had the urge to look him up and I didn’t.  That power kept getting stronger to the point that the urge is no longer there.  He is past, and I have left him there.

A morose alcoholic?  Who needs that anyway?  I can only imagine what you have gone through all those 30 years.  How much of you you forgot and ignored to cater to him?

I am glad that you are able to see how much better off you are now.  It seems that you are well on your way to forgetting, forgiving and rebuilding.  We both received the gift of freedom, even though it didn’t feel like at the moment.  We were blessed that men  that didn’t belong, didn’t add anything, didn’t help us grow, were removed from our life.  We were too much into the relationship to see we needed to get out and do it on our own, instead we got a little push, well, a big shove really.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

It was the hardest thing I went through and it changed me… for the better, and I am sure is the same with you.   I now accept all, the good and the bad, with grace.  Everything is either a wonderful experience or a lesson.  The lessons are necessary. Receive it, learn it, move on. Don’t miss the wonderful experience of the moment being sad about the past.

We loved. We learned lessons.  We are aware. We are fully alive. We now can explore.  We can do whatever we please, be the masters of our destiny.  We can do everything or nothing. We are open to possibilities.  

Yet, it is not all sunshine and butterflies now.  I have my moments.  I have the moments that my ego takes control. I have the moments that I become a victim all over again.  There are times I feel powerless, helpless, loveless.  I work real hard at not letting those moments suck me in.  I make sure those don’t last.  I immediately turn to gratitude. I start making a list of all the good that is in my life.  Focusing on the positive is my way out. Gratitude for all I so blessedly have is my go-to weapon.

The pain goes away… eventually.  It is a fight, everyday.  Enjoy all the new steps, big and small.  Celebrate yourself each and every day.  One thing I know for sure:  You will thrive!

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

Online Dating:

I know that online dating, and dating in general, seems like a lot work.  It is.  But to me it is worth the hassle. My attitude has changed a lot from when I first started doing online dating,10 years ago, to right now writing this. 

I believe I will find the One, but it is not longer the reason why I do it. My One may not even be on a dating site.  So, for now, my focus is on meeting new people,  enjoying the moment and being fully present with each person I meet.  

The one thing I would love for you to get from reading my blog is to be open to possibilities.  All of them.  Give dating, online and otherwise, a chance. Give people, love, life, fun, a chance.

I fear that, sometimes, with my dating stories written here, I am discouraging people from giving online dating a chance.  It is a pain, there are fakes, jerks, losers, clueless, there are all kinds. I believe that there are some amazing people out there also.  I am a good person, and I can’t be the only good person doing online dating, could I? I believe good attracts good. Good energy and good heart will attract good energy and good heart.

I enjoy meeting new people, learning about their background, interests, etc.  I have accepted dates before to just get out of the house, and those normally end up frustrating.  So I now only go on a date if I see potential for fun, friendship or more.

10 years is a long time to be online dating and still be alone, some have pointed out to me in the past.  I never expected to still be alone, but I don’t blame the dating sites.  I am still single not because I haven’t found a good man.  I have found many good men.    I just haven’t found the one that makes me want to let go of being single.

The older I get the harder it will be for me to part ways with my singlehood.  The older I get the more I realize what a wonderful life I have.  It is hard to find someone to come in and add to it.  That is the key.  I am looking for some to add to my life.  To add joy, beauty, wonder, possibilities, not to add dramas, insecurities, headaches, etc. I don’t want dead weight.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

I am also well aware that, perhaps, I will forever fear giving my whole self to someone again; and that is something that I continuously work on. I strive to be open, trusting and non-judgmental.

I don’t see being alone at this point in time a failure.  I see being happy and grateful as a success, and that I am.  Online success to me doesn’t mean coming away with a boyfriend.  Success online to me is now measured in small bites.  Dinner with a great person is a success in my book.  Being introduced to new experiences, new interests, new ideas, is always a success to me. 

I do get tired of online dating at times.  Life gets too busy, I encounter too many jerks in a row, I become disillusioned, and I take a break.  Then, when I feel like, I go back to it.  To me online dating is a wonderful choice to have and I am grateful for it.

If you ever decide to give it a try please be careful.  I have written some posts about it:https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2016/10/27/how-to-spot-a-fake-dating-profile/ and https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2018/01/26/not-just-surviving-but-thriving-while-online-dating/

Please come back and vent here any time. Pardon my liberty of certain assumptions. Pardon my preachiness! Sending love, hugs and blessings to you!

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
― Rumi

While I wait for the miracles, I reflect

19 Thursday Mar 2020

Posted by in Daily Life

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“I am realistic – I expect miracles.” ― Wayne Dyer

I always believe in finding the good in everything.  Normally that means finding some redeeming quality in an ex-boyfriend or some lessons in a failed relationship.

Now I am trying to find the good in Coronavirus. What is good about something that forces us to halt our routines, that inspire fear and panic, that kills people and let’s not forget what it will do to people’s finances and to the whole economy in general? 

Nothing, you may say.  But still we have to believe in a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even though it now seems like a never ending tunnel.  It all will get much worst before there is any relief in sight.

At times such as this I remember something I heard in a Kabbalah class.  The instructor said: “After every tragedy there is a miracle”.  He didn’t say after “some” tragedy, he said after “every” tragedy.  He added: “The bigger the tragedy, the bigger the miracle”.

I believe in that.  There are hidden miracles here too.  

“Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.” ― Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal

Tragedies can be wake-up calls and force change.  This virus is forcing us to hit pause on our lives.  It is time for reflection and change, instead of fear and complaining.

It is time to have less arrogance and egoism and more humility and humanity.  Life is fragile.   To this virus we are all the same, all of flesh and bone, all vulnerable. We are not better than our Chinese or Italian friends.  We are united in fragility, fear and uncertainty.

We human beings don’t like changes.  If left to our own devices we would never change, so life is forcing us.  We are forced to stop and regroup.  

Is everything that we are doing out of sheer habit really necessary?  Do we need the latest gadget?  Do we need a brand new car?  Do we really need a 1K bag or pair of shoes?  Can we live with less?

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can’t escape.” ― G.I. Gurdjieff

Let’s tap into our inner strength.  We are fragile, but we don’t have to feel like victims.  We can tap into our inner strength for that extra support.  We are all stronger than we think. Even if you are not spiritual try to give it a chance.

I become stronger and empowered when:

  • I smile and have a positive outlook. I believe that the future will be bright. This too shall pass.
  • I pray and meditate (mostly pray).  I will, once again, give meditation a try.
  • I am grateful.  I make a mental list of all I am grateful for, big and small.
  • I help others.  I try to make someone else’s life or just a day better.
  • I embrace fear.  I analyze and dissect the situation. I take small bites of it and make it my ally.  When fear is my friend it is no longer unknown and scary, it becomes a weapon.
  • I am active.  I exercise, take a walk, I clean my apartment, I move my body. When I am doing, I am building strength.
  • I believe in something bigger than myself.  The belief I have in God, a Superior Being, the Universe, that resides within myself empowers me.  I believe that no matter what I will be okay, we will be okay, because there is a God guiding and protecting us.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Let’s reflect on our life and goals.  It is a good time to reflect on the direction our life is going.  Some questions I am asking myself: (and answers)

  • Am I leading the life I want to lead? 
    • Not really.  Works is beyond stressful.  It is about time I take steps towards changing that.
  • When this is over will I go back to being exactly the same person, doing the same thing day in and day out?
    • I hope not.  I hope to slow down and be less robotic. I want more meaning.
  • Will I continue spending money on the same things?
    • I need to re-think my finances.  It is okay to spend money on things that will enrich my life.
  • Will I spend time with the same people?
    • I plan on reaching out to some long lost faces.  I also plan on making new friends.  There are some people that I am happily leaving behind.
  • Will I have more experiences and make more memories?
    • Absolutely!!! I am not sure what that is going to look like but I am going to make it happen.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

Please remember the following:

  • More gratitude, less complaining.  Perhaps we have been taking too many things for granted.  We take our health, our bodies, our family, friends, jobs, money, freedom, all for granted.  
  • More caution, less fear.  Let’s be cautious.  Be prepared and follow the guidelines, but lets not let fear paralyze us.  Let’s act in a way that we help ourselves and others.
  • Alone, not Lonely.  Even though we have to practice social distancing physically, it doesn’t mean that we cannot connect with others.  We can call, text, email, video call, etc.  No reason to feel alone and not reach out.  Try to think of the elderly or not so elderly people that you know that would love to hear your voice, or just any voice.
  • Not in control but not out of control.  We are not in control of the situation but still we can control out actions and reactions.  We don’t have to act out of control.  We can still practice kindness towards others.
  • Stock up, but don’t be greedy.  Let’s buy only what we need. Let’s be considerate of others. Can you share some of what you have? 

At the end of the day we still don’t know all that is going to happen.  This is a world crisis, not just NY, not just US.  I hope that there will be miracles flourishing all over the place. 

I read that people can now hear birds sing in Wuhan, and that canals in Venice are so clean that fishes can now be seen. I am not sure it is true, but I know that we humans are constantly altering and destroying all around us.  We pollute.  We pollute cities, streets, rivers, minds, our bodies.  It is a good time to pause, breath and do better.  We can do much better.

More kindness and grace! Be the miracle!

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” ― Maya Angelou

Loves Trump, hates immigrants and is clueless about sex: not my match! (the mistakes I made and lessons I learned in this short-lived relationship)

14 Saturday Mar 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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This was written on Friday, 3/13/2020.  Sorry, another lengthy post.

My relationship with M was lukewarm, now it is dead cold.  Wake and burial details will be announced soon, for now I am explaining the cause of the death.  Last night was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  Before I talk about last night, I want to state a few mistakes I made. The relationship was already showing ill signs from the beginning.

Even though he was always calm and gentle with me there was an underlining bitterness and negativity that I attributed to his stressful work.  I thought that once he retired, he would become more laid back.  Mistake no.1 – Thinking that he would change.  I know better than to think that I can change anyone but I thought my happiness and positiveness could rub off on him.  Circumstances change but people rarely do. 

“Even if you cannot change all the people around you, you can change the people you choose to be around. – Roy T. Bennet”

I thought that once he retired and had more time, we would be spending more time together.  We spoke and texted every day, but he seemed to be getting too busy or tired to get together. Mistake no.2 – Thinking that I was going to be a priority. If someone doesn’t make you a priority when they are busy, they won’t make you a priority when they have more time either.

“Action expresses priorities.” – Mahatma Gandhi 

Bluntly, sex was lackluster! It seemed promising in the beginning.  The chemistry was there so I thought that as we spent more time together things would heat up.  Mistake no.3 – Staying in a relationship that is so-so when I want/need fireworks.  I want scorching hot but was settling for lukewarm.  I have been waiting too long for the right person to just settle for uncertainty.  

“Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.” – Haruki Murakami,  A Qild Sheep Chase

I knew he liked Trump so I avoided talking politics.  When talking about politics and also about his work he would get more agitated. He seemed bitter about being a cop for 20 years and dealing with crazy people and situations.  He blamed politics/the democrats/Obama for the issues at work, for the increase in crime in NY and the disrespect to police officers.  That was Mistake no.4 – Thinking that if I avoided certain things and subjects, they would not be a factor and/or it would go away.   Because I avoided talking about it, I didn’t know how much he really loved Trump. 

In the future I will not avoid certain subjects and things.  I will talk about whatever I want and address disagreements and difference of opinions head on and right away.  Knowing how to work through disagreements signals the potential of the relationship.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― Jose Marti

He seemed like a gentleman, hard-worker, honest, didn’t have much baggage.  He looked like the perfect match for me.  But as time went on bad sex and Trump love were dark clouds looming over my head. 

And then last night happened.

It was the 2 month anniversary of our relationship.  During his nightly call after some chit-chat we started talking about the coronavirus.  I asked his opinion about Trumps’ oval office address.  I knew it would be a touchy subject, but I was tired of walking on eggshells and was interested in knowing his opinion.  I somehow was still believing that he was capable of independent thought.

He said he didn’t really watch it.  I call bs on that.  Of course he saw it.  I said that I didn’t think Trump did a good job of reading.  I asked him if he knew why was the UK excluded from the travel ban.  Why was the UK an exception? 

He responded sarcastically: ” May be it is racism, because the Left says everything is about racism”.  I was shocked, not as much in what he said, but by his tone of voice and anger.  I didn’t really know how to reply to that.

Somehow my question and comment on Trump’s performance unleashed something in him.  He alternated between defending Trump and attacking, as he puts it, the Left.  I wish he was that passionate in bed.

“Men in rage strike those that wish them best.” ― William Shakespeare, Othello

I wish I could have recorded all he said. It included:  “What did Trump do?  Did he kill anyone?  Because people call him Hitler. That is ridiculous.  What about Obama?  Obama could kill people and no one would say anything.”

He kept going on and on about the fake media and terrible Obama. He was speaking fast, not giving me a chance to say anything, not that I would know what to say to all that garbage he was spewing.

I wondered why I was being attacked.  Finally I was able to get a word in. I wanted him to know that he didn’t need to go on and on because no matter what he said I would not change my mind. 

I said: “I respect your opinion but I didn’t like Trump before he was the president and I like him even less now.  My opinion is not going to change”. 

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.” ― Robert Orben

Before I had the chance to numerate the reasons why I don’t like Trump, he cut me off and said: “It is not about the president, it is about the country.  What about the country?  Do you like the US? Before I had a chance to respond, he added: What really makes me mad is the disrespect to the US specially from the immigrants.  If you don’t like here, leave.  Go back to where you came from.”

Dead silence from me!  I felt I was punched in the gut. I was too shocked to have a reaction.  He immediately said: “I don’t mean you”.

Really?  What other immigrant did he mean?  My face was burning by this point. But I chose not to reply to his stupidity with anger.   I chose to separate myself from the situation.  I took a deep breath and said: “Listen, I need to take a break. Let’s talk later” and I hung up.

By “later” I meant NEVER  And he knew it.

“The truth is, immigrants tend to be more American than people born here.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

I decided that it was best to save my breath and energy.  I realized in that moment that this is a person that I would never be able to be with.  Some of Trump supporters are incapable of having a civil discussion.  They are incapable of allowing for the man to be wrong. So they go on and on defending the indefensible and attacking whoever disagrees.   

Making such a comment to me regarding immigrants is hitting below the belt.  He intended to offend me.  Instead he just made me mad and aware of his ignorance.  This “go back to your country” rhetoric that Trump supporters use is just getting tired.   

“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” ― Brigham Young

I am thankful that he showed me who he really is.  Actually,  I am grateful that I finally acknowledged who he is.  He has been showing me who he is all along, but I was not seeing.  I didn’t want to see it.  Mistake no.5 – I was selectively only looking at his good qualities.  I was focused on his potential and the ideal that I had in mind.   In the future I will look at the whole package instead of only on the positive and what I like.   

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” ― Joe Klaas, Twelve Steps to Happiness

As I have mentioned before I am not against people that voted for Trump.  I respect people’s opinion, and just wish that people would respect mine and not try to force Trump down my throat.

Why would men that have a problem with immigrants contact me on dating sites?  I specifically put it on my profile that I am one.  He is not the first one that has attacked me in such a way. 

“Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”― Helen Keller

I have learned a lot with this relationship.  I am so grateful for the lessons.  In this relationship I have tried to be patient, keep an open mind and have no expectations. I feel freer and stronger for doing that but have learned that I need to find balance. 

I will:

  • Keep an open mind but will not betray my convictions and beliefs to just keep someone by my side. 
  • Be patient but will not wait around if the relationship is not going in the right direction or if the person is not who I thought he was.
  • Have no expectations but will not accept less than I deserve/want/need

Life is too short, my time is too precious and my energy too positive, to hang around stupidity, mediocrity and negativism.

I dodged a bullet and I know it. I am so grateful for my guardian angels for keeping me in the light, safe and aware.

To my readers that commented that they couldn’t deal with a partner that likes Trump I say: “You were right!  It doesn’t work!”.  You tried to alert me, but I had to learn the lesson myself. Thank you!

Be safe and healthy out there. Be cautious but not paranoid.

“You’re never perfectly safe. No human being on Earth ever is or ever was. To live is to risk your life, your heart, everything.” ― Rick Yancey,  The Last Star

Hurt people hurt people, but I don’t have to

28 Friday Feb 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state–it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle…. Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions.
Source: The Wisdom of Heschel”― Abraham Joshua Heschel

I woke up this morning happy as usual but with an extra spring in my step. M will be coming for dinner and movie this evening. It will be the 3 of us, including my sister. They have met each other before. Last time he dropped me off home he came up and installed a new shower head for her.

Tonight we will be celebrating his retirement from the police force. The actual date is not until June, but today it will be his last working day. He is taking 6 months off and then he will decide what to do next.

I am choosing to celebrate everything, his retirement, the weekend, good food, family and love!

We will be ordering from my favorite Italian restaurant and opening a great bottle of red wine. After dinner we will have popcorn while watching Yesterday, the movie. I predict it will be a fun night!

“I like places in which things have happened — even if they’re sad things.” ― Henry James,  The Portrait of a Lady

But, let me get back to this morning:

As I was walking through Grand Central station at 7:30am it was busy as usual. All of a sudden this guy came out of nowhere and bumped into the side of my breast and shoulder so hard that it almost knocked me off my feet. I am not sure if it was his backpack or elbow that hit me.

I turned quickly but he was moving too fast for me to see who he was. The lady behind me yelled out to him: “What a dick!!”. I am not sure if he hit her also or if she took offense to the way he bumped into me. I think it is the latter.

Please keep in mind that I bump into people and people bump into me all the time. That is what happens when you are walking in Grand Central Station at rush hour. This was not a simple bump. It felt violating and threatening.

I had no reaction other than turning around and quickly turning back and keep on moving. After all, that is the advice I gave my sister when she started working in New York City. I told her: “If someone bumps into you, don’t stop, don’t confront, keep on moving. Your life is precious to you, but they may not hold their own life in high regard.”

You never know who is mentally ill, or just ill-tempered, or looking for a fight. The amount of mentally ill people hanging around the city and the train stations have been steadily increasing. It is scary. You never know who is standing next to you.

As I continued my walk to work still feeling shocked, wronged and hurt I realized I had 2 choices. 1) I could let that incident consume me and my emotions and spoil my entire day or 2) I could shake it off and move on. I chose to move on.

“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”― Don Miguel Ruiz

I said a prayer to that person. He had issues. A) He was either in too of a hurry, with too much in his mind to even bother to slow down and say sorry or to avoid bumping into me in the first place. Or B) He chose to bump into me on purpose, which would make him a mean and miserable person.

The mean and the miserable are the ones more in need of prayers. Perhaps he has extra burdens in his life. Perhaps his mind is not all there. I am not going to pretend I know him and his life. I also don’t want to judge someone based on 1 action, but I am choosing to judge his action. It was confrontational, awful, rude,mean and painful.

This was another opportunity for me to choose love and forgiveness, not because of others but for myself. My time, heart and mind are too precious to let other occupy.

Still, God Bless him! May God lighten his load! May he see the light and choose to spread love and smiles! And thank you God for this lesson!

“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.” – Yehuda Berg

This is the moment when my rose colored glasses are foggy!

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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I have been writing, but I haven’t been posting. I normally write a post, step away from it for a little bit then I re-read and publish it. Lately by the time I reread it I feel the post no longer represents my feelings, or the opposite it is so honest it is painful, so I end up not publishing it all.

I don’t care about being a good writer but I care a great deal about being completely honest.  I also care about never forgetting how blessed I am, so it is very hard for this blessed self assured optimist to write about feeling unhappy.   What I have been writing about lately has me being portrayed as a victim.  oh poor me! There is nothing I hate more than playing the victim.

“You can either be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It all depends on how you view your life.” Paulo Coelho

At this rate I will never post anything again so, for better or worse, I decided to give you a summary of what all those unpublished posts were about.

  • Being unhappy at work.  Lately I am having a love-hate relationship with my work. I no longer feel comfortable there and want a change. By the time I re-read 3 pages about all that is going on at work I realized that it was the victim in me speaking. My job is the same and, although, some of the co-workers are different, their attitude are the same (demanding self entitled know it alls).  I am the one that changed.  I am probably just being more sensitive and a bit bored.

What I know is that being momentarily unhappy and uncomfortable can be a good thing. It can make me look around and see what else I could be doing. Looking around can show me that I have better than most people. I have a good job with a good salary and good perks. I am my own boss there. If I get another job I will probably have to deal with people telling me what to do.  Nothing worst for an Aries and Horse to be told what to do.

More than once last week I felt like quitting on the spot.  Mortgages and a credit line help me realize that I cannot afford to be impulsive.  Every job has good and bad, and mine is much better than most. Why throw that away?

Why just write and complain if I am not going to do anything about it? and immediately I start thinking of what to do.  I can improve myself in all areas so that when opportunities come knocking I am ready to answer.  I can also create my own opportunities instead of just waiting for it.  I can get my resume out to test the market, network, take classes, be more involved in my industry, improve certain functions on my day to day.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill

  • Being unhappy with my body.  My hip hurts, I am addicted to sugar, my waist is not as noticeable as before, and the list goes on and on. Truth is my body is amazing and it looks great for all I put it through. I don’t do the hip exercises as often as I should. I eat so much sugar it is a wonder I don’t just melt every time I get under the shower. My 30 minutes on the elliptical machine is an absolute joke; it is just a walk on the park while watching TV.  So why just complain to you about that? Why try to justify to you the extra pounds? I know what I have to do. Writing pages about the unhappiness with my body is another way of avoiding doing what it needs to be done: more moving and less talking.

Start slow, be consistent. It is not a race. Ignore the little voices distracting me from the hard work. I am one of God’s amazing creations and I am perfect!

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.”- Simone Beauvoir

  • Being unhappy with some actions I want to take. One example: I want to see someone I know it is not for me. When I say “see” I don’t mean date, I mean meet, and if the mood is right take things further.  I crave intimacy.  I realized that in writing that, I really wanted you (the reader and friend) to give me permission. I wanted you tell me that it is okay to act in the moment, enjoy my body and forget about the consequences. How unfair of me to put you in that position, to either condone my actions or point the error of my ways.

I know better! I know that I am deserving of more. Amazing chemistry can be, well, amazing, but if there is no future it is just not for me. He is wrong but he is comfortable I know what I am getting into, I have been there before – The moment was amazing, the after was less so (and back then he was not kind of taken as he is now, he was just not right for me). I don’t need you to point out what a big mistake would be to revisit the past. Even though it would be exciting and fun, it would not be enough to make me forget my morals. There is also a little detail called “karma”. Knowing something is wrong and doing it anyway will definitely attract bad karma.  Why should I invite drama and not keep myself free from entanglements and open for the good to come in.

“it is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others. This perspective is at the heart of Buddhist teachings.” – Daisaku Ikeda

  • I wrote about moments of total uncertainty, of so much doubt that I feel paralyzed. There are times I want to be rescued. I want a super-hero to step in and save the day, to show me the way, to guide me.   Do you realize how difficult it is for me to actually write that?

At the end of the day I realize only I can rescue myself. The guidance I need comes from God and the Universe and is already within me. I just need to be quiet enough to listen to it. I need to tune out the distractions, the little doubtful voices of uncertainty and focus on hope and possibilities.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
…live in the question.” – Rainer Marie Rilke

Fear only appears to caution but not to paralyze me. Fear says: pay attention, this is important, so thread lightly. Troubles, problems, stress, uncertainty, discomfort, etc are all amazing sources to growth and wisdom.  I want to befriend my fears, talk to them, listen to them.  They have a lot to teach me.

Discomfort is also good to signal the need for a change. Nothing has ever been accomplished by people that were happy with status quo.

My list of unhappy posts goes on and on, but I gather from all this that my hesitation in posting certain things is because I don’t want to appear weak, depressive, lazy, needy, pessimistic.  In those writings I seek comfort and approval.  What an awful realization for someone so adventurous and self-assured like me .  Or is this weak thing the real me?

I am blessed and complaining feels ungrateful and unjustified. But still I am human, flawed, imperfect, wanting someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay.  In the end I am telling myself that I can have unhappy and weak moments but I don’t have to permanently stay there.  I can see those moments for what they are: lessons to learn, test of faith.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

What once was so natural to me: my optimism, now takes a little effort.  But I am not afraid of challenges so I will embrace it all.  I will concentrate on the positive, will make a point of seeing the beauty in everything and, most important, be grateful for all. I am opening my door to discomfort, problems, stress, unhappiness and all else, as I know that in the lessons and rewards they bring are limitless.

I will not freeze, even if slow, I will continue moving.  I will continue forging ahead putting my heart and beliefs first.  God has my back and is my strength, what am I to fear?  Who am I to question that?

I will value myself and I will choose to be with people that value me and that make me feel good about myself. I give 100% and I am deserving of 100%, I am not settling for less, even for a moment!

I am not re-reading this, as I am already second guessing myself if I should post it. So please look past the typos and grammatical errors and take a dip in the murky waters of my mind.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” – Paulo Coelho