being in the moment, control-freak, do not overreact, doing it differently, learning to let go, online dating, stop being controlling
When expectation ends.”
M and I continue to date. We talk every night. We don’t text a lot and don’t see each other at lot. He works nights, and since he is about to retire at the end of this month he has tons to get done before that. I said I understood.
I wrote this post the other day when I was contemplating my feelings and behavior in this relationship. Even though I am interested in him and I enjoy spending time with him I am not standing by the phone or stressing out if he takes too long to call.
In prior relationships anything would give me the sense of doom. A call not returned, a texted not replied, I would already start foreseeing the end. Now I am different. I don’t care. I don’t give any power to things that happen or don’t happen.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”―
I have been feeling so free and less stressed as a result of not overthinking and not overreacting. It is great having no expectations and taking one day at a time.
When I met M I was about to get off of POF and e-Harmony. I was tired of those sites and wanted to take a break and then go to another site. On the second date I told him that I was no longer on POF. He offered to remove his profile right then and there. I said: “don’t”. I meant it.
At this point I don’t really care what he is doing. I feel free doing this relationship this way. In the past I have tried to dictate, to foresee, to control things. It only caused heartache and pain for me.
I don’t know if he is the one for me. Time will tell.
I don’t know if my family and friends will like him. Time will tell.
I don’t know if I can accept his convictions. Time will tell.
I don’t know if we will grow together or apart. Time will tell.
In life and in love:
Anytime I try to control the situation I lose.
Anytime I try to foresee the outcome I lose.
Anytime I am in the future planning I lose.
Anytime I am in the past brooding I lose.
Nothing is a guarantee. Even the best laid plans sometimes fail, why worry about it.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”―
It feels so good to be free from expectations. I am being vigilant about having expectations. Any time I catch an inkling of expectation I make myself aware of what I am doing and I stop it.
Having no expectations doesn’t mean that I accept poor treatment. It just means that I am not making somebody else responsible for my needs and wants.
Instead of expecting things from M and from others I am making sure that I am treating myself with the kindness, attention and the love I want and deserve.
I am giving myself more power by letting go of the need to control. I don’t need to control, I don’t need to react. I don’t need to know and plan every step. I am in control by letting go of control. It is funny how that works.
Now I just welcome the good, and reject the bad, as they come, when they come. I welcome and rejoice with the little surprises and I don’t stress over the mundane.
This relationship feels calming and so comfortable. It is like wearing pajamas and having a cup of cafe mocha while a cold rain falls outside.
“Don’t despair: despair suggests you are in total control and know what is coming. You don’t – surrender to events with hope.” –