Category Archives: Daily Life

Where is my baby?

12 Monday May 2014

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“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” ― Abraham Lincoln

I wish all the mothers out there a wonderful Mother’s Day! May your patience be rewarded!

On dates such as this I remember how blessed I am to have my mother. I am grateful for her and for still having her around. It is not a perfect relationship, we have issues as all families do, but we love each other and we are always there for each other.

But I must confess, there is nothing like Mother’s Day to highlight that I am childless. It seems my life has skipped a whole section, the section where I get married and raise kids. Where is the cute baby that should be in my arms? Where is the trouble making teenager that I need to discipline?

oh well, I never really heard my biological clock ticking, it is just that every now and then the idea of a baby pops up in my mind. There is no regret, just the feeling that perhaps I am missing something. I always wanted to adopt. I talk about that since I was 10 years old. As I got older I thought I would have a partner that would adopt with me.  To adopt a child alone doesn’t seem fair to the child, specially since I would have to continue to work and leave the child in daycare.  In which case,  what would be the point of adopting a child to leave him/her for others to raise?

I am happy to say that the childless feeling doesn’t last for more than a couple of minutes. It is replaced by this certainty that God has a plan and that everything is as it should be.  All I need to do is look at all the blessings in my life to realize how truly blessed I am.  I am following the path I was intended to follow. Always learning, always growing!

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

Having the last laugh!

01 Thursday May 2014

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Racism is no laughing matter but I believe Brazilian soccer player Dani Alves had the last laugh when facing a racist situation.

Dani plays for Barcelona and was playing in Spain against the Villareal. As he was about to kick a corner someone threw a banana at him.  He got it  from the ground, peeled and took a bite out of it.  This spontaneous gesture united soccer fans and players around the globe in support.

They all have been posting pictures with bananas with the tag #somostodosmacacos (#weareallmonkeys)

Here is the video:

I think he showed class and humor, two things very important at times of conflict.  Some are not happy that he acted so nonchalantly, but I think his response was brilliant.  First, he didn’t waste food and bananas are very healthy (later at a press conference he said his Dad always told him to eat bananas to prevent leg cramps 🙂 ).  Second, he didn’t allow the banana thrower to accomplish his objective which was to anger and hurt (emotionally) him.  Barcelona was losing the game at that point 1-2, and went on to win 3-2.

The Villareal found the fan that threw the banana and banned him for life from the stadium.

It is sad to realize that at this day and age and with all the advancements that humankind has been able to achieve, racism, and discrimination of any kind, is still alive and well.  We know a lot and still we know nothing.  This is the sporting world, but what about all the daily acts of discrimination that goes unnoticed?  Perhaps I have been guilty of them also.  It is a good time for me to look around and see what I can do and also look inward at my own hidden prejudices.

I am not talking about crying and complaining about every little thing, as everything lately seems to be politically incorrect.  I am talking about being more human and putting ourselves in our brothers/sister’s shoes.

Here is to acting smart and triumphing with class and finesse!  Lets celebrate our differences instead of having them tore us apart.  We are all the same and each one of us uniquely special!

 

 

Way to go Delta!

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Delta

On Friday night I took my Mom to JFK Airport in NY for her flight back to Brazil.  She was travelling on Delta Airlines out of their Terminal 4.  Delta’ s Terminal 4 is new and checking in is very efficient.  The wait time was under 5 minutes.

For some reason I was more nervous than my Mom this trip, and I wasn’t even travelling.  I feared Delta would not allow me to accompany her to the gate.  She looks amazing for her age (79 years), and she is normally a dynamo but the truth is she gets nervous and confused when travelling.  It doesn’t help that she knows little English.  Normally when I ask to accompany her they say no and want to put her in a wheelchair.  It would be a great idea if she accepted that suggestion, but she doesn’t.  She gets offended and hurt; after all she is able to walk.  I can understand how she feels now that I am starting to feel the years in me.

I explained the situation to the agent, well truth is, it involved more than explaining, it involved a lot begging and pleading.  I made sure to mention that I am a SkyMiles Silver Medallion (not a big deal, but something) and the proud owner of a Platinum Delta American Express (again not a big deal but it shows my support for the Delta brand.  I also let the agent know that Delta is my airline of choice, which is!

The agent, after some consideration gave me a gate pass.  I wanted to go over the counter and hug and kiss her, but I think that would not go over well, so I mentioned how much it meant to me and profusely thanked her.  One would think she just handed me a winning lottery ticket.  To me being able to accompany my mother and provide her with peace of mind is priceless.   She always fears gate changes and delays and missing the announcements.

We go through security, which for some reason they put us in a line where it is not necessary the removal of shoes and jackets and standing in the x-ray with your arms up.  We feel extra lucky.

We find the right gate, Gate 37.  We seat and get comfortable as we know we have over 2 hours to kill as we are always at the airport many hours in advance.

After 20 minutes I hear an announcement that the gate has changed from Gate 37 to Gate 22, and the flight time from 9:29 to 11pm.  Mom had no idea that whatever they were saying was about her flight.  That is exactly the reason why I like taking her to the gate.

We find gate 22 and sit down, knowing that we will have a long wait ahead of us.

I am probably one of the most understanding passengers as delays and changes to not bother me.   Of course they are annoying but they do not mess up my day and my mood.   Delays and other issues happen to any airline, what set airlines apart are how they handle those occurrences.

Delta is not perfect and at the end of this post I will mention an area that I think needs improvement, but how they handled this delay I think it was awesome.

What I applaud Delta on was making sure that the passengers were comfortable and well-informed (ok there is the language issue that I will be mentioning at the end, but they tried).  They let the passengers know that the reason for the delay was the waiting for a part for the windshield wiper that was en-route from Atlanta.  I am not a big fan of being told exactly what the delay is when it involves something mechanical but that is just me.  I know most people want to know all details and perhaps there is  some kind of law that say that airlines must have full disclosure.

What was surprisingly and welcoming was all the food and beverages they gave to passengers, and how gracious they were when anyone had a question.  For what was supposed to be a less than 2 hours delay I expected nothing.  So getting snacks was a treat!  It also made me suspicious that perhaps we were looking at a delay that would be much longer than 2 hours.  (The flight time changed to 11: 30 later. I think they started boarding at about 11, and it took off after midnight)

They set out a cart with all kinds of beverages and another cart with all kinds of snacks, such as crackers, chips, granola bars, cookies, candy.  Later they passed a basket with chocolate (always a winner in my book).  Later they offered a delicious ham, cheese and arugula sandwich, fresh and delicious.  By then I had already over indulged on the snacks so I took mine home and ate the next day.  They also gave passengers playing cards.

Perhaps airlines are waking up and realizing that a little can go a long way.  In the 30 years I have been traveling there were plenty of delays and I don’t remember ever getting offered anything.

My mother told me that after she had boarded the plane they continued their awesome customer service trying to make passengers comfortable by offering extra pillows and blankets, etc.  My mother was sleeping at the time the dinner was served, but later the flight attendant made sure to check on her and see if she wanted her dinner.  And in the morning when she refused breakfast he once again showed his concern.  She felt special.

As her daughter I am grateful for the extra care.  As a passenger I feel valued!  I care that my mother had a wonderful experience traveling with Delta, even though in the end, the delay (waiting to board and in the plane) was 3 hours.

One area needs to be improved though.  Delta needs to get a Portuguese speaking person to be at the counter during the boarding.  Most of the time they don’t have anyone and there is always an issue with a passenger, and in those occasions another passenger needs to step in to help with translation.  On this one occasion they had a passenger make the announcements.  Her Portuguese was awful. I don’t even think she spoke Portuguese, I think she spoke Spanish.  The effort is appreciated but it is just not professional and not what is expected from an airline of this caliber.

Brazilians are travelling more and more overseas (as opposed to a few years ago when a trip on a plane anywhere was just for the rich).  I venture a guess that 90% of the people traveling to Brazil on Delta flights are Brazilian.  A lot of them don’t speak English, so it just makes good business sense to ensure that when they travel next they will think of Delta.

At the end of the day what my mother and I remember most is not the delay or the lack of Portuguese, but the caring attitude of the personnel.  It is not about the food that they served, but it is the message that it sent.  It told passengers:  we care about you and we are trying to make an unpleasant situation better.

Way to go Delta!  I applaud you on the continued improvement in customer service.  You continue to be my airline of choice!

Still talking about Ex after all this time!

24 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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My feet in Brazilian soil with my favorite flower

My feet in Brazilian soil with my favorite flower

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” ― Pema Chödrön

Between the NFA and the CFTC I am going crazy at work.  There are so many new regulations (aimed at banks) that non-banks like us need to comply with that is making so hard to continue to be in business.  The worst part is that, they themselves don’t seem to know what they want.  All these regulations are doing is putting small companies out of business.  We are still around, but it has not been easy.   It has been an exercise in calm and patience, breath in, breath out.  🙂

IN DIFFICULT MOMENTS, BEHAVE LIKE A DUCK…     Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but keep paddling away underneath! (not sure who said it)

**

My Mom is in town, as I have mentioned, so I have shopped, gambled and ate in excess.  I have a whole new wardrobe, some extra pounds on my body and less dollars in my wallet, but I don’t care as long as Mom is happy!  The moment she leaves I am back to fish and brown rice, no casino and no shopping!

“To be happy, make others happy.” ― Stephen Richards

**

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” ― Albert Einstein

Life progresses…there are moments of internal unrest…an uneasy feeling, something off, something missing.  I see those moments as a wake-up call.  They tell me that there are a lot more learning and growing to do.  Comfort creates complacency.  Nothing great has been created out of people being too comfortable in their situations.   I confess:  I get lazy.  I, like we all, have so much potential, and yet some days it is just easier to sit on the couch and watch lives being lived, instead of getting out there and living my own life.

At these turbulent times I try to be as active as I can, physically and mentally.  Accomplishing things makes me feel motivated to accomplish even more.   I also stop and reflect on how blessed I am in all aspects of my life.  Focusing on the good is a wonderful way to feel centered and in control of my life.

Control!  At the end of the day I think it all boils down to that for me.

Perhaps, at this moment, this internal unrest is called PMS and it sucks!! L

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.”  ― Rainer Maria Rilke

***

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ― Steve Maraboli

Now getting to the real topic: my writing about the not so ex Ex!

I fear boring you, reader, with my never ending writing about Ex.  I am frankly tired of thinking and writing about Ex and fear you are probably sick of reading about it too.

What do I do?  Should I stop writing about him and give you the impression that he is just a long lost memory? Or should I continue to write about him and bore you to tears? Perhaps worst than boring you I fear giving you the incorrect impression that I am this weak, needy, lonely soul.  I am a strong, self-sufficient and happy soul, but I do struggle with letting go of Ex and the life I had with him.

This blog was created as an outlet for my heartache.  It was a way of having a voice and letting my frustrations out.  Then, you reader, you became my friend.  I want to please, inspire, motivate, and make you laugh.  How do I accomplish both things, pleasing you and pleasing me?

I don’t know.

This blog is about my life, and above all, my heart, and unfortunately Ex continues to figure in it.  I will continue to write as my heart dictates, for better or worse.  I am sorry readers if I bore you with my thoughts of ex.  I am sorry I am not this amazing person that was able to so readily and happily able to let him go.  On the other hand, you get truth, ugly and all.

My life is amazing, and Ex is a part of it, even if I dislike that part.  So the best course of action is to make peace with it.  I need to stop thinking that miraculously I will wake up one day and no longer think of him.  It is a daily struggle.

Memories of him will come and go, like memories of anything in my life, good and bad.  I will treasure the good ones and I will let go of the bad ones.  There is no deadline to stop thinking of him.  It gets easier.  It has gotten easier.

I hope you continue to come and read and indulge me while I, once in a while, wallow in self-pity.  Feel free to set me straight – somebody has to!

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli,

Jealousy, Happiness or something else?

11 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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Hi friends, It has been a longer than usual…Where do I start?  Life happens… good and bad, and all I can do is manage the very little I have control of.  I realize, more and more, the need to speak less and listen more.  It seems that will be the path to my personal wisdom. My impulsive mouth gets me in trouble every time.

Moving on… Work is chaotic at times, but I realize that is when I am more productive.  Reigning over chaos makes me feel powerful.

Mom is in town, which means more of everything, more eating, more shopping, more watching TV.  Did I mention more eating?

Having Mom in town has been great for dating, and I am not being sarcastic.  It has been a great tool to weed out some of the potential dates out.  If someone cannot wait 3 weeks or less to meet me, how great a partner are they going to be for me? I am not saying they are not great, but the person for me will understand that I have a limited time with my mother and I am choosing to put her first over somebody I didn’t even meet yet.

Speaking of dating, 3 ghosts from the dating past have resurfaced.  One called wanting to check if I still had the same work number – he announced he got married.  The second wrote wishing me a happy birthday – he announced he just got engaged.  The third wrote to tell me that he has met someone and they have been dating for a couple of weeks.  I am not sure why he felt the need to write and tell me that, perhaps he wanted to share his happiness or perhaps he wanted to tell me I missed out.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about all those ghosts from the “not so far past” being happily coupled.   Originally when I heard from all 3 in the space of 2 days I confess I felt a hint of jealousy.  Then on the next second I thought to myself, shouldn’t I be happy, or perhaps even relieved? I am the one that decided not to continue to date, or even to start dating them.  My feelings haven’t changed.  They are all great guys, but not great for me.  So in the end, I am choosing to be happy that they are happy.

Perhaps the real question here is:  Will there be a great guy for me, or should I settle for a great guy period? Perhaps my heart is stuck on that one “great”(and I use the term loosely) guy that is now known as Ex, and I am blind to everyone else?

“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” ― Sholem Asch

I still continue to struggle with thinking of him.  The absurdity of such situation is not lost on me.  It will be 3 years soon.  When will I stop thinking of all those happy moments?  When will I not get so sad that I was so easily replaced? I am happy and content with my single life, or am I not and just fooling myself? Now that my Mom is here I catch myself mentioning his name more and more.  I actually told her that she is allowed to slap me on the mouth if I ever say his name again.  She agreed. I am happy to say that I have not been hit yet! 🙂

When will my heart understand what my mind and soul already knows?  That part of my life is over and done with.  There were great moments, but in the end that it is all that it was: great moments.  I am deserving of more and better.  I am deserving of always and forever.

The forgiving part was easy; the forgetting part has been a battle.  I am persistent and this war is not over yet.

“Without forgetting it is quite impossible to live at all.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Simply getting older or getting older simply?

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“There is not love of life without despair about life.” 
― Albert Camus, The Stranger

 This has been a surprisingly difficult post to write.   Turning 48 it is not all about cake and candles, it is all about being near 50.  Having another birthday shouldn’t be a big deal for ‘positive’ me, but yet I am facing a multitude of feelings and not all of them are good.  

All of a sudden there is this looming sense of dread, finality and mortality.  What have I done with all prior years? I have this fear of life escaping between my fingers while I daydream about it.  I fear wasting talent and good healthy years.

“The day you lose your sense of wonder is the day you grow old.” 
― Marty Rubin

My mother is turning 79 in a couple of months and, even though she is a dynamo, is amazingly sharp and in great shape, I see the years in her.  And I see myself in her. When did she get old?

This post was totally different and way too long and contemplative of the past that I cannot change.  I have made mistakes, took turns when I should have gone straight, jumped head first when I should have tiptoed in, but still there is a sense of pride in doing life as I want and not as others expect.  There is beauty in following my heart! I will relish on that!

“Youth is wasted on the young.”― Oscar Wilde

So good bye long post, the whole message in this post is only 2 lines.  It is dedicated to my twin sister (who has been in the receiving end of a lot of criticism lately).  No long lists that I never look back at.  Just 2 lines that will improve my life and my years.

  • More water, sleep and exercise.  Less mindless eating.
  • More patience and listening.  Less reaction and criticism.

“The day you lose your sense of wonder is the day you grow old.” ― Marty Rubin

I will make myself accountable by being in the moment and keeping close attention to my actions.  Progress will be met with rewards (foot massages here I come!!) Failures, well there is not failure in trying my best!

 “Mortal as I am, I know that I am born for a day. But when I follow at my pleasure the serried multitude of the stars in their circular course, my feet no longer touch the earth.” ― Ptolemy

Back to my waiting life!

27 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Fiction

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“Old places fire the internal weather of our pasts. The mild winds, aching calms, and hard storms of forgotten emotions return to us when we return to the spots where they happened.” ― Siri Hustvedt, The Sorrows of an American

I returned from Brazil 2 days ago.  In some instances it feels I have never left the US, in others it feels like I was away for years.  I am blessed to be a citizen of two countries, but at times I feel I belong in neither. I love taking time away and being with my family but I am happy to return as I cannot stay away from my routine for too long.   Is it the fear that things will fall apart in my absence? Or perhaps the opposite, the realization that all progresses very well in my absence?  I think it is a matter of being a control freak. I always come back renewed and hungry to improve in all areas of my life. I got use this momentum to get moving in the things I want to accomplish.

“Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru

A couple of highlights from last week: I met very interesting people at the airport.  (I will talk to anyone that makes eye contact 🙂 ) I met a young entrepreneur from Liechtenstein building a business that empowers women affected by human trafficking.  I will write more about him and his business as I learn more.  He introduced me to 2 women and a man from the Masai tribe in Tanzania.  They all had come to attend events celebrating The International Women’s Day at the United Nations in NY.  The 2 women spoke no English other than a couple of words.  The language barrier was replaced with smiles.  Later I was able to get M. (also from Tanzania and attending the event, but not from the tribe) to translate.  The two women from the tribe were shocked to find out I was not married and have no kids. One commented that I must have turned down many marriage offers.   G., one of the women said that she is sure God will send me a child as she made some gestures towards the sky.  I joked that I need a husband first.  It seems I am an anomaly in any culture or anywhere in the world.  Be it in the US or Tanzania, to be in my late 40s, never married and have no kids is shocking!

“Each person you meet is an aspect of yourself, clamoring for love.”  ― Eric Micha’el Leventhal

Meeting them was awesome for so many reasons! It renews my love of different cultures and this dream of travelling the word.  They were eager to invite me to visit them.  In that way they are like Brazilians; our doors are always open to new friends.  This chance encounter also reignited my volunteer flame. To me education for all girls, actually boys too, as well as men and women, especially in impoverished countries, is the key to a better future for all.  Knowledge brings empowerment. I have to find a way to do my part.

“To Whom Much is Given, Much is Expected” ― Luke 12:48

Being with my family is always a blast! We don’t always agree on everything, but whatever disagreements we have are normally out of too much love.   We eat, we laugh, we eat some more.  Who knew just one week could do so much damage to my waistline?  It is great to see that mom and dad are doing well! Dad has completely won his cancer battle! My brother and sister are thriving professionally with great plans towards the future.  To me happy people make plans.  Any time someone has plans to look forward to it, it shows their hope for the future.  Hope is the best thing a person can have, I cannot ask for anything else for them. My dad was always a homebody, which only got worse after he amputated his right leg, so it is great to see him getting out a bit more.  Lately, whenever I am in Brazil he agrees to spend one afternoon at the pool house and also to go to brunch at a winery.

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.”  ― Carol Saline

One low moment,  realizing that my sister and I get along better from a distance.  On the phone we rarely have disagreements, in person we get so critical and so defensive that at times we were unable to have a conversation.  I guess it has to do with expecting the best from each other, knowing what our potentials are and expecting more.   I am sure being identical twins contribute to that.  Anything I said seemed to spark defensiveness. Perhaps I should not call this a low moment but a huge opportunity.  An opportunity for more communication, more acceptance, more love and more self-awareness and self-reflection.  I need to look in the mirror, as I am sure that which I find fault in her is what I am guilt of. The best thing is feeling loved and well received and that is clear to see from all of them!  I am blessed with a great family!

“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” – Steve Maraboli 

I am leaving on a jet plane

15 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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Before I get to the actual post, I have to give you all an update on my last post.  Mr. Strikeout has called me again this morning.  I didn’t answer.  Then he sent the following email (exactly as he sent, I just copied and pasted):

“I don`t know even if you`ll open this email. I want to apologize of my decision. No I don`t want to stop seeing you but when I was left in your doorway you seem to just disappear.
Thought you would invite me up just to share a strawberry with you. I try to do somethings for you beside dinner each time. I wasn`t looking to sleep with you. I wanted to put my arms around and tell you I`ll be thinking of you and yes miss you. Thought I might hear something similar. Didn`t happen By the time I reach North St.I thought I might not even hear from you again. You`ll disagree.
I look at you at dinner and each time your more beautiful and most times i tell you that.Sometimes I feel like were having a corporate lunch.
I read and heard “never talk about last dates and lovers. 
The 5 Day Man maybe think I was next. I just got the KISSES.
When you text “Shocked” that`s the most excited I made you.
I could`nt sleep just thinking of you. Life.
Have a great time in Brazil and with Mom.”
Clearly we were and are on different pages! I don’t want to ignore him and hurt him, but at the same time there is no use in beating a dead horse.  I am thinking that he should be happy with kisses and clearly he doesn’t think that is enough.   He wants to go fast and I want slow, he is not able to understand that. I am not replying. We are done!
*****
*
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”  ― Ernest Hemingway
*
Now to today’s post:

I love airports, bus and train terminals!  There is something very mysterious about airports, train stations and bus stations.

I look around and I try to guess the stories behind each face.  Are they leaving someone they love or are they running to someone they love? or perhaps toan adventure? business?

Are they leaving when they want to stay? Are they arriving when they never wanted to come in the first place?  Is there somebody waiting?

Are they running away from something or are they running towards something?

In my thoughts everyone is going to a better place, a better life.  Everyone is being transported to their future!

Every day I am just another face at Grand Central Station in a hurry to get to work.

Tonight I will be just another face with a story at JFK.  I am going to see my family in Brazil.  This is a trip that I take twice a year, so it is familiar and some times taken for granted (sad to say).  I love to go and I love to come back, so it is all good.  Smiles all around.

Reminding myself how blessed I am! I am a citizen of two countries.  I have an awesome family waiting to embrace me!  I have a great job waiting for my return!  I have passion in my soul, curiosity in my mind and love in my heart.  I am blessed and I know it!

I sit here and breath the enormity of this actual second and I say: Thank you God!

This video doesn’t really fit, but I like it! 🙂

****

“Not all those who wander are lost.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien

Third time is not the charm!

15 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ― Paulo Coelho

I have just returned from the third date with the guy I have mentioned on the previous post.

The date went great or so I thought.  We went to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my home.  This time he surprised me with chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva. He brought me flowers on dates 1 and 2 but because I am flying to Brazil tomorrow he realized flowers weren’t a good idea this time.  (He owns a flower shop)

We joked, laughed and flirted. There was no shortage of conversation during the dinner.  Then he drove me home, which was just 2 blocks away.  He parked at my door and somehow the conversation gets to the point when he says he wishes he could come into my apartment and give me a proper kiss and not kiss me in the car. My response:  oh well, that is not going to happen.  I explained yet again that I am not going to fall in bed with the first guy that I have sparks with and the first guy that buys me dinner.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” 
― Alexander Pope

(I am not thinking that every guy that walks into my apartment is interested in sex or that sex is a given.  I have had potential dates in my apartment before.  But in this case I know exactly what this person wants and I know that I would have to spend the entire evening saying no.  Plus I don’t really feel I know him enough to invite him in)

Of course he goes into that speech that I know too well: “nothing is going to happen that you don’t want to happen, I will leave anytime you want, etc, etc”  I remained firm.

He said something to the fact that he wasn’t doing anything right.  I told him how surprised I was that he would not realize that just the fact of getting a third date is a huge sign that things were going well. 

“Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage.” ― Thucydides

We got out of the car and he walked me to my door and kissed good night.  As I walked towards the elevator I knew things wouldn’t progress with him.

Five minutes after I am inside my apartment he texts me and I quote: “I feel like the guy with the 5 dates and no kiss.  Maybe we should end it at 3.  Always had the best time! Thanks!”

(I had mentioned to him that awhile back I had met someone that was great and I kept going on dates trying to give chemistry a chance but it never worked, so  that is why now if there is not a hint of chemistry on the first date, I never go on a second)

My honest reaction to his text?  First and foremost relief! I was not sure about him, first for the fact of the little age discrepancy.  Second I was starting to feel pressured about going beyond kissing.  Third,  I was offended that he would use something I told him against me. Last, but not least, he could have said how he felt face to face and not in text.

I texted back: “Shocked!  But I respect how you feel”

He replied:”You don’t know how I feel so don’t respect it. Sweet dreams.”

I thought that was just rude and didn’t reply. Why should we go back on forth on text when I had already explained how I feel many times before.

Five minutes later he calls.  I didn’t answer the phone and I will not answer if he calls again.  He did not leave a message. What is there to say?  It seems like game playing to me.  This man is 62 years old and is acting like some insecure 15 year old, or perhaps he thinks that he can talk me into fast forwarding this relationship.  Whatever he thinks he is doing it is not appealing to me.  Did he want me to keep telling him how nice he was?  Did he think that this type of text will make me want him more and I was going to try to change his mind?

I don’t have a time frame to go beyond kissing, but I will not invite anybody into my apartment until I am comfortable with that person.  If a date cannot accept and respect my feelings in regards to that then he is not for me.

No, I don’t think I am such a great prize, but this is my body and I want to treat it with respect.  Also, my apartment is my safe haven and not a place that is open to everyone.  At this point in my life I don’t want to jump into anything.  I want to go slow and steady and not crash and burn.

I don’t feel I owe any explanation to anyone. You are not happy with my way, then don’t stick around.  I am happy he chose to go now, rather than later.  It saved us both time.

oh well, Next!

(I don’t like using the f word, but Tupac put things so well, I am making an exception)
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” ― Tupac Shakur

When is a lie a lie?

12 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

≈ 37 Comments

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“When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.” – ― Yevgeny Yevtushenko

The last few days I have been wrestling with that question:  When is a lie a lie?

To me there is really no gray area.  If someone withholds the truth then he/she is lying.  Not only it is a lie, but it is also an enormous lack of respect.  Does the person think I am not deserving of the truth?  Or perhaps he/she thinks I cannot handle the truth?

But upon further thinking, I have fudged the truth in the past to protect the innocent or not to worry someone needlessly, such as when my mother asks me if everything is fine and even though all is not well I tell her it is because I know she will go insane with worry.

But when even before getting to know someone the person hides the truth makes me feel weird. It seems we are starting with a lie.  What else is he hiding?  Let me explain:

I went on a date with someone on Friday night.  His age on his profile was listed at 51.   In reality he is turning 62 in 2 months.

We hadn’t spoken on the phone before meeting but we had exchanged many emails so I feel he had plenty of chance to come clean and he didn’t.  He could have told me when we first met, again he did not.  He only told me when I asked.  I am not even sure why I asked, because he doesn’t look that age.

“One lie has the power to tarnish a thousand truths.” ― Al David

Many people shave a few years off of their age in their profiles.  Some say they do that because they look and feel younger for their age.  Others say they put in the wrong date originally and then they cannot change it.  Whatever the excuse maybe,  to me it is just that, an excuse.

With all that being said I am going to dinner with him again tonight!

I would normally dismiss him for that reason alone but I am trying to be more open-minded and not too judgmental of people.  I also think that people deserve a second changed, so I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.   I would hate for somebody to dismiss me for some stupid reason and not give me a second chance.

Also I had a great time on the date.  He was a gentleman and it felt like I was having dinner with an old friend.

But, there is always a “but”, can I get over the fact that he hid that little detail from me.  At this point I question if he is hiding anything else.  Can I ever trust him?

Am I making a big deal of it and trying, again, to sabotage a potential relationship.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Now the other, and perhaps, more important question is, am I going to be okay with the age difference?  I am going to be 48 at the end of the month but I do look much younger.  I usually say that I am 47, look like I am 37, act like I am 27 and feel like 17.

But really, is age just a number?

Can I handle the age difference?  He doesn’t look or act like he is older than me. The funny thing is that the last person I briefly dated, actually dated is not the right word, we went out several times but decided that being friends was a better idea, well he is 32.

It is just funny to go from 32 to 62 – wow, it sounds ridiculous even to me!!!  I need to find someone my own age!!

Also one think I crave in a man is confidence! Lying about age sounds like insecurity.  Perhaps I find more acceptable for a woman to lie about her age than for men to do it.

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”- ― Lucille Ball