Tag Archives: more love

More love, less hate

12 Monday Nov 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“When they go low, we go high.”  – ― Michelle Obama

I received a hate comment last week on my last post.  Actually not only a hate comment but this person wrote a whole post on his blog dedicated to calling me names.  He called me bitch and man-hater among other things.

He said I wouldn’t have the balls to print what he said and comment on it.  While I have more guts in my pinkie finger than he has in his whole body I choose not to reveal his comment and blog and therefore give him any acknowledgment.

But I am choosing to write about it here.  This is is my blog.  This is my space.  I invite everyone to be honest when commenting and to feel free to say whatever they think.  But I expect everything to be done with respect.  Hate is not tolerated!

While my blog is anonymous I do not use the anonymity to spread hatred. I use it to give me the freedom to express myself without exposing my personal life.  While I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, I expect the disagreements to be done with respect.

I don’t hold the key to the truth. I hold the key to my feelings and I try to be as transparent as I can with them while not tearing anyone down in the process.  If someone takes offense to anything I say I am sincerely sorry about that.  My intention is never to offend or hurt.  I would invite this person to reflect upon the reason why they felt offended by the words of a stranger.  I also invite healthy conversation about any disagreement.

This is a moment in the US, and perhaps in the world where people think it is okay to attack each other and spread hate whenever they disagree with anything.  I am not going to be a part of it.  I choose to spread love whenever I can, and if I can’t spread love I choose to shut up.

“Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”  ― Steve Martin

To anyone that let other’s words affect their day and their mood I say: don’t let it. Don’t give any mean spirited person power over you.

Here are my bullet point advices, if I can so boldly offer them.

  • Don’t take anything personally.  I am glad that I have read the book “The Four Agreements” long ago and have learned not to take things personally.  Well, I am still learning but the more I do it the better I get.
  • Consider the source.   I listen to people I respect.  I listen to people that are my friends.  I listen to people that present their disagreements with respect. If someone that doesn’t know me decides to offend, that has no room in life. Criticism is okay, disrespect not.
  • Disagree with other respectfully.  When disagreeing with someone choose respect.  Do not use your words to cause pain, use words to bring clarity. We all know how to hurt each other if we want, but how about we choose love instead.
  • Am I being respectful with my writing?  Will my words hurt unnecessarily?  Do I need to offend to get my point across?  Can I express myself differently?
  • Words are powerful! Use yours, spoken and written, as weapons for peace whenever you can.  You can be powerful without putting anyone down.  Speak less, listen more.  Perhaps sometimes we need to read more and write less.
  • Do not engage hate!  Just leave.  Leave the conversation, leave the situation, before it gets to point of regret.
  • Do not react and over-react.  Take a breather, give it time and space before you address any situation that made you angry.  It is amazing how time has a way of making us see things clearly.

To this person I wish him peace.  I hope that he dedicates more time in the spreading of the good.  I hope he looks inward and reflects before assuming the worst in people.  I don’t assume the worst in him.  He is clearly hurting.  To him I wish healing and peace.  May you find power in love!

Image result for warren buffett quotes suffer

 

 

I said I love you to my father and I meant it!

05 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I always wanted a star on my window at Christmas, now I got one and I love it!!

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” – Rudyard Kipling

I have a small immediate family. It is mom, dad, an older brother and my identical twin sister.  Even though I have been living in the US for the past 33 years I am still extremely close to them.   I talk to them at least once a day, some days multiple times.

Still, for the longest time I couldn’t say I love you to my parents.  I am not sure the reason.  I love them that is for sure.

Perhaps it is the culture.  I grew being taught to respect my parents.  Respect was not only required, it was demanded.  Love was a given, not needing to say it or demonstrate it.

“I believe in the magic and authority of words.” – Rene Char

Not that I didn’t feel loved, I did and a lot.  We just didn’t throw the word and affection around.  At that time fathers would never hug their children, only on birthdays perhaps.  That was a mother’s job.

I was surprised to arrive in the US and see a father saying I love you to his son.  I always equated the word “love” with romantic.

I was only able to say I love you to my mother a couple of years ago.  In the beginning it didn’t feel natural.  It felt forced.  Now it just rolls off my tongue.

It took until last week to say to it to my father.   I called  him on Sunday.  I spoke to him about his favorite topic, soccer, and then I said good bye and hung up.

“All my life I’ve looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time.” – Ernest Hemingway

After hanging up I felt I should have said I love you.  So I called back and I did.  I said: I know I never say it but you mean a lot to me and I love you.  I think he was a bit taken aback and didn’t know what to say.  He said: thank you.

I didn’t expect “I love you” back.  To me saying it to him meant the world.

Will I say it again?  I hope so!

I don’t really know what the problem is or was.  Why the barrier?  Why the uneasiness?

There is an easiness in the US about saying I love you.  Here we say “love” to anyone and anything.  Here we love our parents and we also love chocolate chip cookies.  In Brazil eu amo (I love) people and eu adoro (I adore) cookies.

“I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Are we saying too much “love” in the US?  Are we saying love when we just mean like?  Are we cheapening the word “love”? Is it becoming meaningless?

Perhaps, and that is how I used to think not too long ago.  But I have changed my mind.  I rather have an overdose of “love” going around.  Perhaps the more we say it, the more people will feel loved and valued.  Cookies need love too!

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ”  – John Bunyan

On the other hand, a date pointed out to me that I say “hate” a lot.  I had never noticed that before, but I think he is probably right.  I do say hate when I only mean dislike.

Words are powerful, so I will watch myself: More love, less hate!  But actions are even more powerful, so I choose to go around loving. I hope it shows.  Loving always! Loving specially when it is difficult! Loving even the unlovable!

Going forward, I will try to align my words to my inner being and my true feelings!

“Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.”  – Rumi

 

 

Eating, drinking, dancing, kissing and telling

27 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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Update: My tenant is finally out! I have been doing so much work at the apartment.  I am physically and mentally exhausted.  I am still not done but I already have a new tenant waiting to move in. 🙂

***

“I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.” – Rita Maw Brown

My co-worker’s daughter spent the weekend before last with me.  Last time we saw each other we were both complaining that we wanted to get out more but didn’t have friends so we decided that we should to go out together. She is 25 years old, I am 50.

It was fun to forget about apartment renovations, meeting with attorney, talks with accountant, works issues, etc for awhile.

She came over on Friday evening and we started the weekend by going out to dinner, then dancing. On Saturday we spent the day in Manhattan (walking the Highline, Chelsea Market, then around the village), then dinner and more dancing. On Sunday we had foot and back massages, followed by manicures and a great early dinner. It was a tiring weekend but awesome!

There were a lot fun and funny moments. There was great food, drinks and desserts. But the moment that I am choosing to highlight here is a moment that perhaps I should be embarrassed about it – but I am not!

We went barhopping on Friday night, minus the drinking plus the dancing. We are more dancers than drinkers. I was at least 20 years older than everyone at all the places we went to. Surprisingly I didn’t feel out of place at all.

At one point we stepped onto the patio of one of the bars and I noticed a young bespectacled guy looking in my direction. I looked behind me, thinking he is looking at someone else.  But no, I was the object of his attention. I blushed and proceeded to exchange glances.

All of a sudden he approaches us (me, my friend and another guy that we were talking to) and introduces himself. I applaud his bravery. I find that guys are normally too shy to approach girls, only doing that if they are drunk. This guy was completely sober. He asked me if I wanted to dance. I was happily accepted.

At some point I asked his age. He is 26 years. He didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer mine. We danced for a while and when the dancing slowed down a little we kissed. And we kept on kissing. I didn’t want it to end.  This guy new how to kiss!!

When the bar was closing, and I was leaving, I gave him my number.  Two days later he texted me and asked me out. I said no.  I was tempted, really tempted.  He seemed great, smart, mature, employed and I enjoyed his company, but to think that it could go further than that is a fantasy.  And kissing is my limit.  This experience fed my ego, and while I am not necessarily proud of it, I am not embarrassed yet.

On that note I made a realization about my dating habits. I have been dating with the intent of finding a partner to be with for the rest of my life.  I become very critical and focused.  I realized that I should date for fun and if the right person comes along then we will see what happens. I should be in the moment and enjoy life instead of planning a future that may never come.

It is a beautiful thing to be an adult and free and not accountable to anyone.  Finally at 50 years old I feel this way.  I feel free!!

Life is too short, too beautiful for me to worry about what others may think of my actions. The world needs more love, more kissing! And if I so desire and another young man comes along, I may do some more kissing! 🙂

Having the last laugh!

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Daily Life

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Racism is no laughing matter but I believe Brazilian soccer player Dani Alves had the last laugh when facing a racist situation.

Dani plays for Barcelona and was playing in Spain against the Villareal. As he was about to kick a corner someone threw a banana at him.  He got it  from the ground, peeled and took a bite out of it.  This spontaneous gesture united soccer fans and players around the globe in support.

They all have been posting pictures with bananas with the tag #somostodosmacacos (#weareallmonkeys)

Here is the video:

I think he showed class and humor, two things very important at times of conflict.  Some are not happy that he acted so nonchalantly, but I think his response was brilliant.  First, he didn’t waste food and bananas are very healthy (later at a press conference he said his Dad always told him to eat bananas to prevent leg cramps 🙂 ).  Second, he didn’t allow the banana thrower to accomplish his objective which was to anger and hurt (emotionally) him.  Barcelona was losing the game at that point 1-2, and went on to win 3-2.

The Villareal found the fan that threw the banana and banned him for life from the stadium.

It is sad to realize that at this day and age and with all the advancements that humankind has been able to achieve, racism, and discrimination of any kind, is still alive and well.  We know a lot and still we know nothing.  This is the sporting world, but what about all the daily acts of discrimination that goes unnoticed?  Perhaps I have been guilty of them also.  It is a good time for me to look around and see what I can do and also look inward at my own hidden prejudices.

I am not talking about crying and complaining about every little thing, as everything lately seems to be politically incorrect.  I am talking about being more human and putting ourselves in our brothers/sister’s shoes.

Here is to acting smart and triumphing with class and finesse!  Lets celebrate our differences instead of having them tore us apart.  We are all the same and each one of us uniquely special!

 

 

Simply getting older or getting older simply?

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“There is not love of life without despair about life.” 
― Albert Camus, The Stranger

 This has been a surprisingly difficult post to write.   Turning 48 it is not all about cake and candles, it is all about being near 50.  Having another birthday shouldn’t be a big deal for ‘positive’ me, but yet I am facing a multitude of feelings and not all of them are good.  

All of a sudden there is this looming sense of dread, finality and mortality.  What have I done with all prior years? I have this fear of life escaping between my fingers while I daydream about it.  I fear wasting talent and good healthy years.

“The day you lose your sense of wonder is the day you grow old.” 
― Marty Rubin

My mother is turning 79 in a couple of months and, even though she is a dynamo, is amazingly sharp and in great shape, I see the years in her.  And I see myself in her. When did she get old?

This post was totally different and way too long and contemplative of the past that I cannot change.  I have made mistakes, took turns when I should have gone straight, jumped head first when I should have tiptoed in, but still there is a sense of pride in doing life as I want and not as others expect.  There is beauty in following my heart! I will relish on that!

“Youth is wasted on the young.”― Oscar Wilde

So good bye long post, the whole message in this post is only 2 lines.  It is dedicated to my twin sister (who has been in the receiving end of a lot of criticism lately).  No long lists that I never look back at.  Just 2 lines that will improve my life and my years.

  • More water, sleep and exercise.  Less mindless eating.
  • More patience and listening.  Less reaction and criticism.

“The day you lose your sense of wonder is the day you grow old.” ― Marty Rubin

I will make myself accountable by being in the moment and keeping close attention to my actions.  Progress will be met with rewards (foot massages here I come!!) Failures, well there is not failure in trying my best!

 “Mortal as I am, I know that I am born for a day. But when I follow at my pleasure the serried multitude of the stars in their circular course, my feet no longer touch the earth.” ― Ptolemy