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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: saying I love you and meaning it

Show it, don’t say it!!

14 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

conflict resolutions, confrontations, furious father, lead by example, saying I love you and meaning it, school bus driver, Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE!!

“The deeds you do may be the only sermon some persons will hear today” –― St. Francis Of Assisi

Yesterday, as I was walking to work, I see a man turn a corner, running and screaming towards a school bus. A little boy of around 6 years of age is running behind him.

He is screaming at the top of his lungs at the bus driver while waving his phone.  He is yelling: “7:14 now, not 7:15.”   I am guessing the bus is supposed to leave at 7:15am, and it was leaving a minute early.

I recognize the boy.  I always see him standing with his mother at the corner.  I notice them because the mother is always speaking Portuguese to him.  I assume she is Brazilian. I think to myself: The mother manages to be there early everyday.

“Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how.” ― Terry Goodkind, Faith of the Fallen

This man is so furious, it is scary.  I am hyper alert now, thinking that I may have to end up calling the police.  Confrontations such as these always terrifies me.  When people can’t control their temper, anything can happen.

I, and some others walking by, slowed down to watch this unfold.

I am glad the female bus driver didn’t engage. I see that she attempted to say something but he was too loud and too furious to hear anything, so she gave up.

The boy got in the bus and walked to his seat.  The driver closed the bus door and proceeded to leave.  The man, still mumbling some choice words, walks along the bus to where the boy was sitting.  He hits on the window, waves and yells “I love you” to the boy.

“Instruction is good for a child; but example is worth more.” – ― Alexandre Dumas, Twenty Years After

Is he serious?  After such a neanderthal display, he thinks that saying I love you will erase how he just behaved.  Or perhaps, even worst, he didn’t even realize what he just did.

He may or may not have been right about the bus schedule, but nothing gives him the right to act in such a way.  Doesn’t he realize the scene he caused? Doesn’t he realize what he is teaching his child?

Is he that way inside his home? With the wife? With the kid?  I cannot picture this man being able to have a civil disagreement.

So many men, and women, are so ill prepared to be parents. Actually, so many people seem ill-prepared to live in society.

“If behavior is contagious, is yours worth catching?” ― Frank Sonnenberg, The Path to a Meaningful Life

I understand the aggravations of the day to day.  I understand bad mornings, but have a little more control of yourself, for the sake of your child and everyone in earshot.

I wish I would have said something, but I was afraid.  This man was so mad it looked like he was going to punch someone.  I am not about to risk my life, unless I really have to.

Parents, don’t just say I love you, show it.  Show love by the way you interact with others.  Show love by respecting others.  The children are our future, we can’t afford to have them think that this is acceptable behavior.

I know I am being judgmental, but watching this yesterday morning really shook me.  This man disturbed my peace, and that of others around.  I felt for the driver.  I also made me realize how easy  “I love yous” are thrown around as bandaids, pacifiers, rewards, weapons, etc.”

“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

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I said I love you to my father and I meant it!

05 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Brazil vs US, dislike or hate, is love becoming cheap, just disliking it, like or love, love overdose, more love, not hating, saying I love you, saying I love you and meaning it, the power of words, words with meaning

I always wanted a star on my window at Christmas, now I got one and I love it!!

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” – Rudyard Kipling

I have a small immediate family. It is mom, dad, an older brother and my identical twin sister.  Even though I have been living in the US for the past 33 years I am still extremely close to them.   I talk to them at least once a day, some days multiple times.

Still, for the longest time I couldn’t say I love you to my parents.  I am not sure the reason.  I love them that is for sure.

Perhaps it is the culture.  I grew being taught to respect my parents.  Respect was not only required, it was demanded.  Love was a given, not needing to say it or demonstrate it.

“I believe in the magic and authority of words.” – Rene Char

Not that I didn’t feel loved, I did and a lot.  We just didn’t throw the word and affection around.  At that time fathers would never hug their children, only on birthdays perhaps.  That was a mother’s job.

I was surprised to arrive in the US and see a father saying I love you to his son.  I always equated the word “love” with romantic.

I was only able to say I love you to my mother a couple of years ago.  In the beginning it didn’t feel natural.  It felt forced.  Now it just rolls off my tongue.

It took until last week to say to it to my father.   I called  him on Sunday.  I spoke to him about his favorite topic, soccer, and then I said good bye and hung up.

“All my life I’ve looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time.” – Ernest Hemingway

After hanging up I felt I should have said I love you.  So I called back and I did.  I said: I know I never say it but you mean a lot to me and I love you.  I think he was a bit taken aback and didn’t know what to say.  He said: thank you.

I didn’t expect “I love you” back.  To me saying it to him meant the world.

Will I say it again?  I hope so!

I don’t really know what the problem is or was.  Why the barrier?  Why the uneasiness?

There is an easiness in the US about saying I love you.  Here we say “love” to anyone and anything.  Here we love our parents and we also love chocolate chip cookies.  In Brazil eu amo (I love) people and eu adoro (I adore) cookies.

“I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Are we saying too much “love” in the US?  Are we saying love when we just mean like?  Are we cheapening the word “love”? Is it becoming meaningless?

Perhaps, and that is how I used to think not too long ago.  But I have changed my mind.  I rather have an overdose of “love” going around.  Perhaps the more we say it, the more people will feel loved and valued.  Cookies need love too!

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ”  – John Bunyan

On the other hand, a date pointed out to me that I say “hate” a lot.  I had never noticed that before, but I think he is probably right.  I do say hate when I only mean dislike.

Words are powerful, so I will watch myself: More love, less hate!  But actions are even more powerful, so I choose to go around loving. I hope it shows.  Loving always! Loving specially when it is difficult! Loving even the unlovable!

Going forward, I will try to align my words to my inner being and my true feelings!

“Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.”  – Rumi

 

 

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