Returning

I am back from Brazil. I was there for only one week visiting family.  Everything went well.  The truth is that most of the things that I wish it could have gone better had to do with me and my expectations.  Trying to lead a life of no expectations is incredibly difficult.  What you think is being helpful is actually seen as being critical.  It is hard to deal with people that are so defensive that they see everything as a personal attack.

But here is the great news; this old dog can learn new tricks.  This old dog can try keeping her mouth shut.  Keep your great ideas and suggestions to yourself, no one cares or appreciates.

This is also an opportunity for me to look inwards and see how ready to attack I am.  Am I keeping an open mind and giving people a chance to be themselves?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

Mom

My mother has returned with me as she does every time I go there.  She normally stays here for 1 month but now that my brother has retired and is able to help with my dad she will stay here for 2 months.  I think a longer stay will be beneficial to her; it will keep her away from her daily stressors.

We are still not sure about her illness yet.  The doctors in Brazil keeps running countless tests and not arriving at any conclusion. The latest doctor she went to, which was referred by the neurosurgeon was an ear, nose and throat doctor.  He was supposed to look over the test’s results and come up with a diagnosis and course of treatment.  Instead he asked for some of the same tests to be done again.

In the meantime she has been taking medication for dizziness prescribed by the neurosurgeon.  When she returns to Brazil she will see another doctor and hopefully get some answers.  She gets very dizzy sometimes to the point that she cannot stand up, also, lately, she has been very achy over her entire body.  Combine that with diabetes, high blood pressure and hypothyroidism and it makes for a lot medications to take, which makes her crazy.

Being here forces her to relax as I live in a small apartment and I don’t really allow her to do much.  In Brazil I know she over does it.

She is turning 81 on Sunday, so there is birthday cake in my future.  I don’t want to celebrate my birthday but I am all for eating other’s birthday cakes.
***

“Experience life in all possible ways — good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter.   Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more  mature you become.” – Osho

I put a personal ad on Craigslist

I have met people off of Craigslist before from different ads I have placed regarding finding partners for activities and from selling my US Open tennis tickets (I used to have season tickets).  A couple of weeks ago I placed a personal ad.  I blame boredom and, perhaps, the need for attention from the opposite sex.

Of course I received dozens of emails, with all kinds of proposals, some indecent.  After sifting through them I replied to those that seemed to be real and serious.

I met 2 people in person.  The first one was the guy I have mentioned took me dancing. We have been in touch.  He asked me out again, but I was busy.  I need to decide if I am going to see him again.

The other one I met briefly 2 nights ago.  I will save him for a next post.  Stay tuned.

The one I want to mention now is one that I know is not real.  I know it is a fake, but I don’t really know of what kind fake he is.

We have been exchanging emails on a daily basis.  He just seems too good to be true.  He is not intrusive as he doesn’t ask a single question about me.  Or does that mean that he is really not interested in finding out?  He knows very little, almost nothing about me.  He has not seen a picture and doesn’t even know I am originally from Brazil.  He sent me 2 pictures.  I sent him none.  He asked for but said that he was okay if I didn’t feel comfortable sending them. So I never did.

When I mentioned that he didn’t seem real he gave me his phone number and said I should call that evening to confirm he was real.  I didn’t call that evening.  Days later I called restricted and got a voice mail, but I left no message.

With only the pictures, phone number and his first name I have not been able to get any information on Google.  I am normally able to find something with less, so this is killing me that I cannot find anything.

Even though he said he is 44, he sounds older, more cultured, from a more chivalrous world. It is hard to explain, but the words he uses, his level of writing is definitely from someone very well educated. There are no typos or slangs, sometimes I have to look up some words to make sure of the meaning. He writes as if he already knows that I am a real good, honest, beautiful person.  I am all that but how would he know if he has never seen or talked to me? He writes exactly what I would love to hear from a man.

“Suspecting and knowing are not the same.” – Rick Riordan

When we started emailing, he was too busy to meet in person, and then I was going to Brazil (I never mentioned where I was going.  He never asked).  He offered to pick me up when I mentioned I was returning from my trip.  Of course I declined, I am not about to get into a car with a stranger.  On the same day of my arrival supposedly his dad had a near fatal heart attack and he had to travel to another state and be with his mother.  His dad is still in the hospital waiting to be stable enough to have some kind of bypass.   Will this, probably fictitious, father ever get better or will he have to stay there forever?  Should I bluff and say I am traveling there to see him?

The only reason I am still corresponding with him is because I am curious and I want to see how far he will go with this charade.  I want to know what he is after.

Throughout my online dating experience I have encountered all kinds of scams, and can normally spot one from miles away.  But this time I am stumped as to what is the end game here.  Is he starving for attention and has too much time on his hands?  Is he married? Is he from some Nigerian scheme?  Will he start asking for money?

I have just emailed him and asked for his last name and date of birth.  I am eager to see what he will say to that.

For now I am replying just a few lines to his daily emails and mostly just offering support.  I don’t want to make any emotional investment.

I know it is fake, but still I wouldn’t be this hopeful fairy-tale chasing romantic I am if I didn’t harbor a glimmer of wanting and wishing he were real.

“Be realistic: Plan for a miracle” – Osho