Tag Archives: be here now

Life is here and now!

29 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” – Steve Maraboli

There are calls to return, tenants to pacify, appointments to get to, passports to renew, tickets to buy, trips to organize, emails to write, deadlines to meet at work, and a whole host of other things to do, with new items added daily.

There is always a decision to be made  and some place I need to be.  There is always something needing my attention and a fire to put out.

With each item off of my list I feel this enormous sense of accomplishment… only to add another 2 items to it.

I think to myself:  When I am done with this and that thing then I will get to relax. When I solve this and that problem I will get to have fun and enjoy my life.

The stories I tell myself always start with “When”:

When I lose weight…

When I find the One…

When my hip gets healed…

When I get that big bonus at work…

When I learn to speak French…

What foolishness! What a bunch of lies.

I forget 1 thing:  All of this doing, going to doctors, waiting in line, returning phone calls, searching for the One, working, trying to lose weight, failing at losing weight, etc, etc… All of this busyness is LIFE!

Life is happening now, and it is beautiful.  Ralph Waldo Emerson was absolutely right when he said: “Life is a journey, not a destination”

In trying so hard to get somewhere, some invisible destination, some goal, perhaps unattainable, I lose the beauty of the moment, I lose the present.  I miss the details, I miss the simplicity.

I forget to be here Now because I am too busy being there in the Future.  I get lost in the busyness of the moment, not realizing that that very moment is a blessing.

There will always be something to do, some hurdle to jump, some obstacle to overcome.  After one deadline is met there is always another one to meet. That is how life works.

How boring it would be if there were nothing to do and if there were no challenges.  I think there is some old saying that goes something like this: “calm waters don’t make great sailors”.  I think we all strive to be great sailors in this huge ocean called life.

So here is to being more present and enjoying every moment, even if difficult.  I will remind myself that the more life throws at me the better I become.  I am on the way to invincibility.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” – Steve Maraboli

 

No More Miss Nice Girl

04 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” – Henry David Thoreau

I was watching a Roland Garros tennis match on TV the other day. A player was easily winning when he missed an easy shot.  His game then totally fell apart and he went on to lose the match.

I remember when I was learning to play tennis the instructor said to me right after I had missed a shot:  “Forget that ball and move on.”

He used to say that trying to figure out what I did wrong on that last play or to keep admonishing myself about a mistake would just cause me to lose focus and lose the next point.

I think that it was what happened to that player.  That mistake stayed in his mind and it prevented him from concentrating on the next point.

I am applying that thinking to my relationships.  Sometimes I keep trying to dissect a failed relationship to see where I went wrong.  Or I keep thinking about the person that is gone in the hope that he will return.

“Be here now.” – Ram Dass

I should let go of the last relationship and focus on the current one, or in the search of the next one.

Concentrating on something in the past that I have no control over only keeps me from being 100% present in the here and now.

I realize that even though I am trying to be in the moment,  I keep leaving the door open for the past to be flooding back.

“The past can’t hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.”  – Alan Moore

I always thought it was cold or mean to close the door on people.  I keep hoping that I can be friends with everyone.  But if they have already hurt, disrespected, mistreated me in some way in the past why give them a chance to do it again?

I keep writing about guys from the past contacting me over and over again.  Just last week Peter, remember, the guy I went to the Opera with.  You can just go to my Home page and search for Peter and you can see all the posts about him.  He texted me saying hello.  I replied.  We exchanged a few texts.  Then a few days later he called me twice, but didn’t leave any message when I didn’t answer. Wisely I didn’t call back, but I was tempted.

Why did I bother replying to that text? What is the point?  I didn’t want to ignore him, or anyone for that matter.

“No man is rich enough to buy back his past.” – Oscar Wilde

I want to be nice and kind to all.  I want to treat all as I want to be treated.  If I send someone a message I hope to get a reply.  I want to believe in forgiveness and redemption.

But perhaps there is something else at play.  Perhaps besides my need to be nice, I also entertain “hope”.  The hope that this person has returned changed.  He now sees what he is missing and will act accordingly.

As they say:  You don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone.  They are back because they miss me or so I tell myself.

“If it’s over, then don’t let the past screw up the rest of your life.” – Nicholas Sparks

But it torments me.  I started thinking about him again.  I start thinking what if.

It never works out that way.  Whatever they were guilty of before they will do it again.  I did not call Peter back and I will not reply if he reaches out again.  He and anybody else from the past.

It will be really hard to ignore a text, call or email, but I feel I need to do it.  I need to choose me and my sanity.   I need to be free and clear of all the men from the past.  I will shut the door on all those past relationships once and for all.

I am tired of leaving the door open for the past to sneak in and wreak havoc again.

“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”  – Friedrich Nietzsch

 

 

Walk with Me, mindfully

11 Sunday Feb 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, documentaries, Finding Me

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“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.” Thich Nhat Hanh

I just watched “Walk With Me”, a documentary narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch.  I loved him in Sherlock Holmes, so it was interesting hearing his voice in a different setting.

The film centers around the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk that has written many books about mindfulness and peace. It shows glimpses of the lives  of the monks and nuns that live at Plum Village and dedicate their entire lives to mindfulness.

Plum Village is a Buddhist meditation center located in the South of France.  That is also where Thich Nhat Hanh lives and teaches. The center offers retreats and workshops for individuals and families.

If I had to choose only one word to describe the documentary, unfortunately,  that word would be “uneven”.  I was hoping for inspiring, deep, meaningful, life changing, mind altering, but unfortunately I think that I, once again, approached something with so much expectation that it left me disappointed.

It had great moments, but the moments seemed a bit disconnected.  I will not describe the moments I liked here so I do not spoil it for anyone intending to watch it. I do recommend it that people watch it as it does offer some moments of contemplation.

When the first few lines appeared on the screen it hit me, it spoke to my core.  I couldn’t help but to be filled with expectations:

“I know what it is to get angry, and I know the pleasure of being praised.
I am often on the verge of tears or laughter,
But beneath of these emotions, what else is there?
How can I touch it?
If there isn’t anything…
why would I be so certain that there is?

I searched it and found out that it is from his book “Fragrant Palm Leaves”.  It is based on his journals from 1962 through 1966.  I just ordered it and plan on devouring it as soon as I get it.

Back to the documentary, I expected a journey into mindfulness, but it seemed to have never picked up momentum. The train never really left the station for me.

Looking back, I don’t think I watched the documentary as mindful as I should have been.  I kept expecting a big aha moment.  I was not watching it in the moment, I was watching it expecting the next moment.  The next moment never came.

Perhaps that is the lesson that I should carry with me: less expectations.  Be in the moment, in the very moment.  Welcome the moment.  Have no expectations of that moment.   Let the moment wash over you as a fresh rain, take it in, get wet.

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”  Thich Nhat Hanh

Be here now and forget the rest!

08 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” -Anais Nin

This was another “feeling weird” week.  Perhaps it is PMS or the phase of the moon, or perhaps it is just the aftershocks of turning 50.  Whatever it is I need to escape this feeling, this rut.

Speaking of escape I am leaving for Brazil next week.  Going to see my family always fills me with mixed feelings and anxiety.  It can be the best time ever, but always there is some underlining stupid issue that becomes some drama. This time I am making a point of making it the best trip ever.  I am not going to let anything and/or anyone mess up my trip.  It is not the situation; it is how I let it affect me and how I react to it.  This time I am not letting anything affect me…well  I promise to try.

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” – Epictetus

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“Change comes from confrontation. You have to be confronted or confront yourself.” – Bryant McGill

This week I had a disagreement with the workers at a Cuban restaurant near my job.  I was buying food for a homeless man and wanted them to give me more rice.  They insisted there was plenty of rice in the container and that I would have to buy another container just for rice for $5.00.  I said I had no problem in paying extra but wanted the extra rice in the same container, as well as the broccoli, which they also insisted on putting in another container (there was plenty of room in the same container).  The manager comes over and tells me those are the rules.  I am thinking to myself: is this really happening?  I am willing to pay whatever he wants to charge, I just want everything in the same container.  Does anyone here have common sense? I am saving them money, by not wasting separate containers.  Plus what happened to “the customer is always right”? I had even explained to them that I didn’t want to hand the man 3 containers and thought it would be easier for him to have it all in one. They couldn’t care less what my reasons were.

At that point I had a decision to make. A) I could continue insisting and making more of a scene, B)I could leave the restaurant and go someplace else or  C) I could get the food as is and move on.  I chose C.  I got the plate as is, no extra rice, with the broccoli on the side.  Sometimes one has to forget about feelings and principals and look at the bottom line.  The bottom line was I wanted to buy someone a hot meal on a cold rainy day.  Being right or getting my way was secondary and meaningless.

When I get to the cashier, the girl, who had been watching this whole interaction says to me:  I can put the broccoli in the same container if you want, that is simple. What? Now? After all this? I said: no, thank you, I just want to get out of here.

I think they now think I am this demanding customer, when I am totally the opposite.  Or am I?  And really, what do I care what people think of me?  What is important is that the man had this huge smile on his face when I returned with his food. (I had asked him first if I could buy him lunch, so he had been waiting for it).

“Welcome the present moment as if you had invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy.” – Pema Chodron

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I started using Instagram.  I decided it would be a nice thing to go along with my blog, since for some reason sometimes I cannot add photos to my posts.   I just didn’t realize how much I would enjoy it.

I am the type of person that is always on auto-pilot. I go from one thing to the next without paying attention.  I get things done, I focus on results and often I forget how I got there.  I miss the details and the beauty in them. Instagram is changing that.

Instagram makes me pay attention to details.  I am paying attention to everything.  I see things I have never seen before.  Now I stop and see the flowers.

I used to think that people that took pictures of everything missed the moment.  Now I am one of them and I can tell you I am not missing the moment, I am focusing on the moment.  I am seeing and seizing the moment.

Wishing you all a blessed weekend!  Stop and smell the flowers.  Look around and discover all the hidden treasures!

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau