Monthly Archives: May 2013

An “I am sorry” and a big garbage bin can make me do the happy dance!!

31 Friday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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It feels so good when people care enough to say “I am sorry”!

So, I walk in late today…well, I don’t have a schedule, but waltzing in at almost 10am I consider being late.  Anyway, I walked into my office and my boss walked in right behind me and said: “I am sorry about yesterday.  I have been thinking about it the whole night and had to say I am sorry again.  I have had so much in my mind lately and I was hungry”

To which I replied: “I understand being hungry!  And I laughed and said thank you for apologizing, but I never gave a second thought about it. I don’t let you affect me anymore.” (Please see here for a little blurb about our relationship: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/stopping-the-insanity/

I should have just said thank you and that is it! But the point is I truly had to think about it to remember what he was talking about.

So this is what happened: Yesterday I was talking to a new employee when he just walked in and interrupted by saying something to the employee.  I said: We are talking, and I think he said: I don’t care!  I am pretty sure I just rolled my eyes, my response to him lately.  After 5 minutes he came back and said I am sorry and explained that he was in a hurry and wanted to make sure that the new guy was informed about the computers.

The weird thing is I didn’t find what he said or how he said it extra rude or anything; it was just my boss being his usual self.   After working together for almost 20 years he is like my obnoxious older brother, even though he is 2 years younger than me.

I thought it was big on his part to feel he had to say sorry again- it secretly made my day!   Since when have I developed a thick skin and he has gone soft?

***

It feels so good when people listen to your suggestions!

I had a good idea! Nothing earth shattering or life changing, but I had the bright idea of having a big garbage bin outside our back door so that the cleaning person can put the garbage in at the end of the day, and it can stay there covered until it gets picked up by the building.

We have been having a mice problem the past several months.  https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/i-choose-mice/

They started to appear when the super was replaced and the new super doesn’t promptly remove the garbage at night.  I have been very vocal about that fact to the super, to the building, to the exterminator, to pretty much anyone that will listen.

The building gave me their okay to put the garbage bin by the back door, but when l tried ordering one from Home Depot, I was informed that that is an item that they don’t deliver.  So instead I have to call a hardware store, which, for some reason I kept postponing.  Internet has spoiled me, why talk to a human being on the phone when just a few clicks on the keyboard are so much easier and faster?

Today, all of a sudden garbage bins are being delivered to every floor of the building.  I believe I did a happy dance! I am taking credit for thinking of that!

***

One of the things I like about myself is the fact that little things make me very happy, little gestures, simple words, a smile.

The opposite was true too, little things used to destroy my day, but now, the ‘always improving’ me, considers anything that threatens to mess up my mood a reflection on the person doing the action or something not worth a second of my thought.  Bad moments get easily forgotten.

So here is my final thought to you:  Look for the little things around you that make you happy, and if you can’t find any, which I highly doubted, create some. Sit up straight and smile.  There are blessings all around if you take the moment to notice.

Make somebody else happy today!  I have to say pleasing someone else makes me infinitely happier than pleasing myself.

I wish you a thoughtful boss, a mice free workplace, smiles and happy dances!

My heart wants fireworks!

27 Monday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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If you know me you know I follow my heart in all areas of my life.  I have done things that people thought were crazy but they always turned out to be the correct decision for me.  I blindly allow my heart to lead and I am proud of it.  I think it takes courage to let your heart lead, but to me it is not only a matter of being courageous it a matter of not knowing how to be any other way.

I have always believed that all the answers are already within me and if I look hard enough and allow my heart to have a voice all will be revealed and I will always be on the right path.

Then I met Ex and jumped head first on that relationship that I thought would be forever, instead it turned out to have an expiration date.

I often look back at that experience.  It has been extremely hard to let the past in the past, even though I can happily say I know I am over him.  Did my heart lead me wrong? No, never! There were lessons there to be learned.

I often look back because I believe every single experience in our lives teaches us lessons.  The harder the experience the more meaningful the lesson.  I often look back to make sure I haven’t missed a lesson.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and looking back is part of it.   I analyze the past not to change the past, but to change my future.  To make sure that I am being smart and not making the same mistake over and over again.

People normally have to be told to stop thinking so much and follow their hearts.  I  probably could use the opposite advice: Stop following your heart and think a little!

I have started questioning my allowing my heart to rule my life, specially my love life.  Do I do that so that I can blame my heart and never take full responsibility for my actions?

Would I have done things differently if I had allowed my mind to have any say? Who knows? Perhaps I would not even have started the relationship with EX to begin with.

Now I am on e-harmony for the second time around and this time I am meeting a lot people.  Some dates have been very nice, there is one person in particular that stands out in his effort to try to win me over, but there are no fireworks or sparks.

Should I follow my heart and just say: Next! Or should I give this nice guy a chance to make me fall for him (assuming that is something that it can happen)

Can it happen?  Can I wake up some day madly in  love with someone that just yesterday I thought was just very nice?  Should I even give someone a second date if there was no chemistry on the first?

Should I continue to be all heart or should I allow my mind to have a say in matters of the heart?

I have always thought that is either there or not there, that spark, that thing I cannot explain, the butterflies in my stomach.

Honestly I don’t think I will ever have what I had with Ex. Should I stop looking for Prince Charming and settle for someone that cares about me and wants to make happy?  After all, Prince Charming already came and left for other skirts, I mean, greener pastures.

Perhaps there is no right answer…no, what am I saying? of course there is a right answer, let me go ask my heart! 🙂

Feeling broken…

21 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I have to live as I preach and that means being positive and not allowing anything to bring me down. But lately is has been extremely tough to be upbeat.  I am guessing that is where the virtue lies, to be upbeat when times are difficult! To be upbeat and positive when everything is going well is easy, anyone can do it.

For somebody that never gets sick, this is a whole uncharted territory.  I am going through a terrible rough patch.   This is how I choose to look at it, just a patch that soon will be cleared.  As you know, if you follow me, I have been slowly letting go all of my physical activities because of hip pain.

It has now been months without Zumba, Yoga and Pilates.  The so anticipated spring tennis lessons will have to, hopefully, be summer lessons.   The effects of all this inactivity are starting to show;  I have no energy, I am moody and my clothes are too tight! 😦

I guess the consolation is that what I have is easily fixed.  The doctor promises that with 2 months of physical therapy I will be whole again, well at least functional again.  It is somewhat silly to be such a crying baby when others face so many other more critical problems, but this is severely limiting my life therefore I am allowing myself to be a cry baby today.

I am not sure if I should believe the doctor’s promise or not.  He also said that the cortisone shot right on the hip would take away the pain and inflammation, but unfortunately since the day of the shot I have been feeling progressively worse.

Physical therapy finally starts tonight – yippie!!  I know physical therapy is not a miracle cure and it will take time and effort, but it is just another right step on the road to recovery.

But in the meantime, my body feels broken and disconnected.  I feel broken and disconnected.  Is this what the future holds?  My eye sight is gone, my hip and back want to follow suit.  What other body parts will decide to go?

But then, right when I am feeling my 47 years of age weighing heavily on me I read of another octogenarian or nonagenarian ski diving or doing some other crazy adventure.  Not only that, I don’t have to look far, my 78 yr old mother is a non-stop dynamo.

I realize that growing old has some issues, but it doesn’t have to be the end of good, healthy, active life.  Growing old, like everything else in life, will be what I make it to be.  Growing old well will be the results of the choices I make today.  So it is all up to me!  I am the master of my destiny!

And since it is up to me, I am going to ignore this rough patch and use it as a time for internal growth and contemplation.  So, my body has to take it easy for awhile and regain strength, but my mind doesn’t have to go dormant, my mind has all the energy that it needs and more.

So here’s to more French and Mosaic while I get ready for Tennis and Zumba!

Overdose of Cheese Bread, Soap Operas and Casino, a bit of Broadway and a couple of paintings

14 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Food, Mosaic and other crafts, Reviews

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My Mom’s stay in the US came to an end last week.  One month went by so fast.

When Mom is here I get the Brazilian Channel so she can watch her soap operas.  Soap operas in Brazil are huge! They are always on prime time TV and almost everyone watches and talks about them, that includes men and children also. Unlike in the US where a soap opera lasts forever until canceled, in Brazil a soap opera lasts around 6 months.  They tend to be a bit melodramatic and overacted.

The best part for me is the scenery.  Getting to see my Brazil is always a plus.  They are always filmed on location, never on studios. In some cases they introduce Brazilians to new cultures.  In the current soap opera, “Salve Jorge”, all things Turkey are introduced, as it is filmed in some turkish cities.  It is also filmed in Rio de Janeiro, which because of  the landscape makes it one of the most beautiful and recognizable cities in the world in my opinion.  The name of the soap opera is a reference to Saint George.  I am not sure the complete connection but I know that the main character is devout of Saint George.

All of a sudden Brazilians are doing the Turkish veil dance, drinking raki and wearing turkey inspired fashion.  I am sure Brazilians will be choosing Turkey as a travel destination more now.  The same thing happened a couple of years ago with the soap opera “Caminho das Indias” when everything Indian became all the rage in Brazil, and with others before that.

Truth is I think Brazilians watch too much TV, and TV has such an incredible power to influence Brazilians. I would say that TV influences every day life in Brazil more then any other country in the world.  At least some authors are using this powerful medium to instruct as well as entertain.  In Salve Jorge, human trafficking and black market adoptions (specifically stolen babies) are the major theme, so kudos to Gloria Perez, the author,  for exposing such atrocities and forcing Brazil to face it instead of sweeping it under the rug.

Normally as soon as Mom leaves I call the cable company and turn it off, but this time I will still have it on until Friday.  Friday is the last day of this soap opera, so I may as well finish it. 🙂

Casinos

Another place Mom and I go are the casinos.  I used to have a lot luck gambling, but not lately. Perhaps that is why I don’t enjoy them as much, but I still go many times when mom is here since she enjoys them so much.  We now have one 20 minutes from home, so we don’t have to go all the way to Connecticut or New Jersey.

Broadway

We always try to make to one Broadway musical and this time we went to Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella. I will not go into a full review here, and will just say that it did not disappoint, we both enjoyed it.  The costumes were beautiful and the Prince was charming in a goofy way.  The best part for me was Cinderella’s dress changing in front of our eyes and I still cannot explained how they did it.  Mom says it is magic, I say it is Broadway.

Cinderella always have a way to make me both sad and happy. Sad because I realize that I have no Prince Charming next to me and happy because it makes anything seem possible.

Cheese Bread

My freezer is stocked up with soups, rices, meats, cakes, in sum, an assortment of cooked meals and desserts to last a couple of months.  Mom enjoys feeling she is taking care of her little baby.  Pão de Queijo, cheese bread, well it is more like a cheese puff, is one of those treats.  It is made with tapioca flour.  Growing up I didn’t care for them, now they taste like Brazil to me.

Paintings

Mom turned 78 while she was here and she likes to say that not knowing how long she has left she needs to hurry up and leave her kids with memories of her.  That to her means leaving us with some of her crafts.  Mom is amazingly talented with her hands. Some of her crafts are hand stitched dish towels, macrame bath towels, crochet vests and tablecloths, knit scarves, paintings, etc.

This time she left me with 2 oil paintings:

A fun renditions of a Brazilian Favela located in Rio de Janeiro, as you can tell by the Christ the Redeemer atop the Corcovado Mountain.

Favela

A young shy couple from the Brazilian northeastern region, as you can tell by the foot and hat wear and by the cacti.

Shy Couple

I am blessed with the energetic, talented, full of life mother that I have.  May I be able to be less critical and open to fully learn all she has to teach.

See you soon, hopefully…, but just in case, here is a hug and I really love you!

11 Saturday May 2013

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Mom left last night.  After some begging Delta Airlines was kind enough to give me a gate pass so that I could be with her until she boarded.  It is a peace of mind for me to see her board and not be waiting for her phone call telling me that she found the right gate.  Since they often change gates, I am really not satisfied until she calls me from the airplane and tells me that she found her seat and all is well.  Well honestly I am only happy after she is talking to me from the comfort of her home, after arriving, collecting her bags, finding my brother and travelling the over 3 hours to our hometown.

I guess I am a bit controlling and a bit overprotective.  I guess there are worst things to be.

Her departure is filled with mixed feelings.  On one hand I am happy to return to my routine, on the other I am also sad to see her go for many reasons.  No more Mom’s great meals, shopping trips and watching Survivor together.  But her life is in Brazil with the rest of the family, and after almost 30 years living alone in the US I am used to good byes and solitude.

Being used to good byes doesn’t mean that sadness does not visit me.  There is that weird feeling of not knowing when I will see her again.  Is this the last good bye?

That happens every time I go through this dropping off at the airport routine at least twice a year.  It never fails that upon returning alone to my apartment I have feelings of not having done enough for her while she was here.  Was I too critical? was I caring?

Will I have a next chance to try harder next time?  I am brushing those feelings away.  I know I have done my best at each time and my best is enough.  Given the chance I will try again to improve on my last time.  With each time I try to be more tolerant and less picky. And I think I more succeed than fail.

I never have set plans to go to Brazil. I try to go twice a year or at least once, but it is uncertain.   The truth is none of us know when we will be seeing a loved one next.  They may not live in another country as in the case of my family or they may live with us or near us.  We may have plans, we may know what time they return from work, etc, but the truth is nothing is guaranteed.

The next minute is not a right, it is a gift!

Next time you say good bye to anyone, specially a loved one, imagine, for a second, that that is the last good bye.  Did you say everything you wanted to say? Does this person know how you feel about her/him?  How would you feel if you never saw them again?

Never miss an opportunity to say caring words and do nice things to the ones you love.  Actually never waste an opportunity to show you care period. Loved one, acquaintances or strangers, they all will appreciate a nice gesture.

With Mother’s Day around the corner remember to thank your mother for her love and for the gift of life.

MY HIPS DON’T LIE! Neither does my back!

02 Thursday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I had 2 MRIs done and the conclusion of one doctor is that I have mild degeneration of disks L4 and L5 in my lower back and that the problem with my hip is Iliotibial Band Syndrome.  Upon some Google research I became confused with the IBS diagnosis as that is mostly an injury to the knee, very common in runners.  It appears that what I really have is Trochanteric Bursities.  I guess they are related or perhaps easily confused.

Researching ailments online is both a blessing and a curse.  A lot information on my fingertips, but my head is spinning.  There are many conflicting opinions.  Which site should I trust?  I guess I will follow this doctor while making an appointment to get a second opinion with a specialist in back pain.

I am happy to at least have a diagnosis and start on the road to treatment and recovery.  The doctor prescribed anti-inflammatory and physical therapy.  I started the medication already,  but not the physical therapy yet.

The word degeneration is such a bad word.  It makes me feel old and brittle! Nothing about me should be degenerating, not now, not ever!

How did I get here?  Very simple, I overdid.  I am the type of person that has a problem with the word moderation, there is no middle ground with me, it is either 0 or 100.  Too much too soon!

I overdid with my volunteer work.  I didn’t respect my body limitations; I worked 10 hours a day like a horse. It felt amazing for my heart and mind, but my body paid for.

I overdid with Zumba. Instead of starting slow and building up I went full force 3-4 times a week. Okay, so I am from Brazil, I love to dance and rhythm is in my blood, but do I have to leave it all in the gym floor?

Then there were the 6 flights of stairs at work and at home that I took, 2 steps at a time, instead of the elevator.  It turns out that stair climbing is one of the worst things for my hip.

This experience, like everything else in life, is a tremendous learning opportunity.

I have to respect my body limitations.  I have had issues with my lower back for a long time.  I have to learn to deal with it, stretch it and strengthen it and not to just learn to live with pain.

Slow and steady wins the racy.  Anything that is achieved over a longer period of time seems to me to be longer lasting, such as love and weight loss.  Instant may seem very gratifying but it is oftentimes fleeting.

Another reminder to slow down and enjoy the process, the details, without only focusing on the result.  Just when I thought I was within minutes of having the body I wanted I get this major setback. But setbacks are important, it makes one refocus, and question the process. So onwards and upwards with the treatment.  No time for frustrations and crying around. Time to refocus and rebuild.

I am not 20 years old anymore, even though my heart and mind think I am! I have only one body and it is not indestructible.

What I know for sure is that I have to take care of my body the best that I can.  Another thing is I will do anything in my power not to give up tennis or skiing.

My unshakable optimism welcomes this chance to show itself! I am counting my blessings… 1) Thank you for this highly functioning body that is able to tell me when something is wrong!  2) Thank you for this chance to reevaluate my exercise and volunteering choices!  3) Thank you for having an insurance plan and access to some of the best doctors and equipment in the field!  4) Thank you for having this blog to be able to talk about it … and on and on and on, thank you, thank you, thank you!

AM I BEING OVERSENSITIVE?

01 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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AM BEING TOO SENSITIVE?

I guess if I have to ask the answer is yes.

I have this good friend that likes to ask my thoughts on various issues, specially relationship issues.  He welcomes my opinions and says that my advices are very beneficial.  On my end I am happy to always try to motivate him and have him focusing him on on positive things.

On Sunday night he initiated a series of texts regarding a couple of issues that he was having.   I did what I think I do best, I had him let go of the victim mentally and focus on all the good in his life.  At the end he asked me how I was doing: I said I was ok and mentioned that I was going to bed soon because I had to get up extra early to get 2 MRIs done.  I was a little surprised that he didn’t say anything else, not “why are you getting those done” or “good luck”.  I figured he was just letting me get to bed without interruptions.

The next day after I am back at the office after getting the test done, he replies to my text from the night before with just “ok” and then proceeds to send me 4 other texts continuing his conversation from the night before.

I know I can be an extra sensitive person, but in this case, I think I am rightfully mystified that he would go on and on about himself without not even a slight polite reference to me and what I am going through.

I think it is just plain rude and clueless.

So I just didn’t reply.  I think that silence sometimes speaks volumes!  Plus it is best that I do not say anything in anger.

But of course, I don’t hold a grudge and I will still be there for him.  This also is a good reminder for me to watch myself and see if I am not doing the same.  It should not be all about me, or you, it should be about us.   It is a give and take, with the strongest perhaps having more to give.