Tag Archives: mind

My heart wants fireworks!

27 Monday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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If you know me you know I follow my heart in all areas of my life.  I have done things that people thought were crazy but they always turned out to be the correct decision for me.  I blindly allow my heart to lead and I am proud of it.  I think it takes courage to let your heart lead, but to me it is not only a matter of being courageous it a matter of not knowing how to be any other way.

I have always believed that all the answers are already within me and if I look hard enough and allow my heart to have a voice all will be revealed and I will always be on the right path.

Then I met Ex and jumped head first on that relationship that I thought would be forever, instead it turned out to have an expiration date.

I often look back at that experience.  It has been extremely hard to let the past in the past, even though I can happily say I know I am over him.  Did my heart lead me wrong? No, never! There were lessons there to be learned.

I often look back because I believe every single experience in our lives teaches us lessons.  The harder the experience the more meaningful the lesson.  I often look back to make sure I haven’t missed a lesson.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and looking back is part of it.   I analyze the past not to change the past, but to change my future.  To make sure that I am being smart and not making the same mistake over and over again.

People normally have to be told to stop thinking so much and follow their hearts.  I  probably could use the opposite advice: Stop following your heart and think a little!

I have started questioning my allowing my heart to rule my life, specially my love life.  Do I do that so that I can blame my heart and never take full responsibility for my actions?

Would I have done things differently if I had allowed my mind to have any say? Who knows? Perhaps I would not even have started the relationship with EX to begin with.

Now I am on e-harmony for the second time around and this time I am meeting a lot people.  Some dates have been very nice, there is one person in particular that stands out in his effort to try to win me over, but there are no fireworks or sparks.

Should I follow my heart and just say: Next! Or should I give this nice guy a chance to make me fall for him (assuming that is something that it can happen)

Can it happen?  Can I wake up some day madly in  love with someone that just yesterday I thought was just very nice?  Should I even give someone a second date if there was no chemistry on the first?

Should I continue to be all heart or should I allow my mind to have a say in matters of the heart?

I have always thought that is either there or not there, that spark, that thing I cannot explain, the butterflies in my stomach.

Honestly I don’t think I will ever have what I had with Ex. Should I stop looking for Prince Charming and settle for someone that cares about me and wants to make happy?  After all, Prince Charming already came and left for other skirts, I mean, greener pastures.

Perhaps there is no right answer…no, what am I saying? of course there is a right answer, let me go ask my heart! 🙂

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To Blog or not to Blog …

03 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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The last few days I have been debating if I should continue blogging or not.

I started blogging to get stuff out of my chest, heart and mind. And it has helped – a lot! Then I received a comment to one of my posts that left me unsettled, sad and deeply hurt.  The impulsive Aries in me just wanted to stop blogging.  The hell with it, I don’t need this aggravation!

But nothing like time to give us clarity! After a couple of days I realized the following:

1) I don’t have as tough a skin as I thought I did.

I thought that after getting through all the hurdles and roadblocks to get to where I am today I was tough and hardened and things such as other’s opinion of me didn’t affect me.  I have had to fight for everything since arriving in the US at 17 years of age.  I heard a lot “no”s and derrogatory comments and somehow turned those in weapons to make me stronger (or so I thought).

Since when did I became so sensitive?  Something else for my list of things to work on.

2) I was taking things personally

One of my favorite books is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In it he says that if we live by 4 agreements we will experience personal freedom and a life infinitely better.  I am not going to discuss all 4, but one of the agreements is:

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

It was so good to be reminded that I have been lax in living by the 4 agreements, specially this one.   It is freeing to realize that other’s words and actions are not about me, but based on person’s own problems, misconceptions, agendas, truths, etc.

3) I have a need to please people and want everyone to love and accept me

Why am I wanting/needing other’s approval and acceptance? I know that I cannot ever please everyone, therefore I must continue on my path to speak from the heart and my own truth at that very moment of writing.  If others misunderstand me, I will explain it as many times as necessary, but I will not change my truth to conform to a norm or acceptable standard.  I know who I am and what I am about, if some people get it wrong it is on them not on me.

4) Everyone is entitled to their opinion

I must respect the right of people to have an opinion and voice it.  If I say/write what I want, I must, therefore, be able to hear/read what I don’t want.  And I should be able to take it with class!  After all,  the comment section on my blog says: “Leave a comment”, and not” Leave a good comment”, therefore more than ever all comments are welcomed.

5) I love blogging too much to stop

Blogging has been Godsend to me.  It has given me my own voice back.  It has given me a connection to people, it has given me friendship. It has given me an alternative to lying in bed crying.

So, I decided I am not stopping! I am taking criticism and smiling (perhaps through tears).

I appreciate all comments, good or bad.  The harsh comments are the ones that will make me look inward and question myself.  The harsh comments are the little steps on my stairway to a better person.

ps. thank you sis for saying: Don’t stop it is helping you! and thank you Frank for reminding me to follow my heart!