Monthly Archives: May 2012

Flowers to Moms!

11 Friday May 2012

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So, Mother’s Day is around the corner and even though we should honor our mother’s every single day, Sunday is a day that we must make sure to be extra special for them.

My sister is in charge of getting my mom flowers.  My mom is in Brazil now with the rest of my family, so that means that my sister is on duty as far as making the day special for our mom.  Thanks Heaven for my sister!

Now comes the issue of my Ex-mom-in-law. I love her like a mom and it is not because her son and I are no longer together that all of a sudden my love for her disappeared.  So after pondering the entire last night, I decided to go ahead and send her flowers like I used to do every year.

Once I made the decision to send the flowers – and I was so happy that my sister agreed with me completely, I am at peace!  Love wins again!

To all mom’s have a wonderful Mother’s Day!

Am I becoming a prude?

10 Thursday May 2012

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So I have this male friend that we exchange e-mails weekly, sometimes daily.  He is younger than I am and we used to go dancing together (we met at a dance club) and yes we kind of had a brief thing at that point.  But that has been long in the past, almost 10 years ago.

We have not seen each other since then.  We have spoken on the phone and lately just e-mails.

He is now married with a kid. We talk about work and goals.  We do reminisce about the past every now and then when we talk about some song we used to dance to, but to me, not to go there again, but just for what it was: a good time.

So yesterday he mentioned that came to NY City last week to go to a game, and that he stopped at a pub and had some drinks.

I wrote half jokingly that I was hurt that he wouldn’t say anything to me or invite me to a drink.  So he replied and I quote:

“Hurt?  I apologize 1000 times, but I wasn’t exactly going there by myself.  I had 2 other guys with me.  Had I been by myself, you’d have been my first call.  ;)”

What? I am thinking as I read it. What does that mean?  Am I a friend that needs to be kept hidden? What are really your intentions then if we ever meet again?

I then wrote to him that I didn’t think that meeting would be a great idea anyway.

He asked me to explain that, to which I answered:

Well, if I cannot meet you while you are with friends, it feels like we would be hiding.  And I want to lead a transparent life.

I guess I officially became a goody two-shoes prude! I just don’t want to have a friend that cannot tell his wife that he has a female friend.  And moreover I don’t want to cause any conflict in anyone’s marriage.  Am I over-thinking this?

It seems that another, so thought of as friend, bites the dust!

Oh well, I do need to make new friends, and ones with no ulterior motives.

I choose mice!!!

09 Wednesday May 2012

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As I have mentioned in my other blog post today (http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/) , we have started receiving some unwanted guests in our offices: mice.

My boss and fellow partner in this business has been floating the idea of a cat.  Which I thought he was joking, after all, how can we keep a cat in the office? Who is going to clean the cat litter? Who is taking it home on weekends?

And I guess having caught another one in a trap really got him going on his idea. So I guess he decided to take action.

He walked into my office and said: “I was looking for a cat to come in every day but I couldn’t find one.”

I am like, humm, ok, who is going to take care of this cat if you find it anyway?

Ignoring my question, he continues:

“I found a python!’

What? You want to bring a snake to get rid of the mice?  If that is the case than you will be successful in getting rid of me, or I will be forever working from home.

And I kept going pointing it out how I would not share space with a snake in a million years.

In seeing the state of hysterics I was in, he said:

“ok, ok, relax.  I am not doing anything yet.  I am checking with you first.  I would never bring one in without checking with you first. Don’t worry I am not getting one.”

Now, please forgive me if you are a snake lover, but fear of snakes is at the top of my lists of fears!

So in this case, if I have to choose between a snake or mice, please send in the mice!!!

Which one would you choose?

Good Bye Ex-Mom-in-Law!

08 Tuesday May 2012

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So Ex’s mother is leaving tomorrow.  I didn’t feel comfortable calling her – not even sure why, as I just saw her on Saturday and had a great time together, so I just e-mailed wishing her a safe trip.

When she arrived here 3 weeks ago, she was under the impression that all was fine that Ex and I were still together even though I had moved.  She was under that impression because he said that to her.

I have no idea why he would mislead her this way. But one day 2 weeks ago I made to sure to let her know some of what went on.

I don’t expect her to believe everything I said.  I know how most mothers are with their sons.  My mother is the same way with my brother.  They put them in a pedestal and refuse to believe anything else.

But anyway, it just pains me to have the relationship I had with her change.  I love her and treated her the same as I treat my mother – with respect and kindness.  When she arrived she was talking about my spending a weekend in June with her for a girl’s weekend. She hasn’t said anything now.  I also didn’t bring it up.

Ex is bound to be introducing her to a new girlfriend – if he didn’t already do so. So,I think it is unfair of me to try to still be in her life.  Nothing has changed as far as my love for her, but as I am learning, sometimes you have to learn to love from afar.

I guess this is a great chance for learning. Learn to detach from things and people.

Follow up on yesterday’s post:

08 Tuesday May 2012

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So this morning my friend from yesterday’s post reached out, he wrote:

I am sorry for yesterday

I replied:

You should be

then he said:

“I think I hit rock bottom in my life and was looking to get attention

not an excuse

just letting you know

I will leave you alone”

And with that he logs off of aol instant messenger.

So I really hope that he really means when he say that he will leave me alone. At any rate even if he doesn’t and tries talking to me again I am not interested in this one sided friendships.

I think that I should have been allowed to say what I wanted not being hanged up on.

Who needs “friends” such as this.

**

I think I need to embark on new project. A new “Make New Friends Project”.

There should be a website to match friends, similar to matching soul mates such as Match and e-Harmony, but with the only intention of meeting new friends.

Perhaps I am on to something here …

    I will leave you alone

When you think you have a friend …

07 Monday May 2012

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So I have this married ex-client that sends me instant messages throughout the day.  He made me believe (perhaps I am) that I am somewhat inspirational to him with all my positive thinking and talking. And I enjoyed this motivational role, because the truth whatever I tell him is exactly what I need to hear.

4 years ago we used to communicate, via instant messaging, before (4 years or more ago) our conversations got a little racy. My rationale was: I am single and not doing anything wrong, and this is just words.  And it was, never met this person in person.

Now I am single again and still don’t think I would be doing anything wrong, but as I age and mature I have started to ask why more often.  So why would I choose to embark in that kind of conversation with him? I cannot see any good coming out of it.

What is the point? I know I have a fertile imagination and know the right words to say to a man, but what will be my reward?  Or better yet, will I feel proud of myself.  NO, a big resounding no!

Which brings me to right now.  He just sent me a question, which he prefaced by writing: hey a quick “over the line question”    and preceded to ask the question. (which is: do I know what a rabbit is and do I own one)

Well, it has been 10 minutes since he asked and I am proud to say that impulsive me hasn’t replied yet.

I am considering my reply options:

Do I just block him from future contact?

Do I tell him that I am not going there? Which by the day I have done many times before, and that he seems to forget.

Do I ignore it completely and only reply if he comes up with other type of conversation?

Here is what I ended up saying:

“not going there and I have told you before”

Oh my Gosh, he is slow, here is his reply:

“I know you have a toy was asking specifically about the rabbit”

I guess I didn’t make myself clear on what I told him before (that I don’t want that kind of talk).  Who knows what I have told him 4 years ago.  I guess there is not a lot happening in his life that he still remembers those conversations.

So I said:

I have told you before that I am not going to have those conversations!!!!!!!

His reply:

OK OK relax…..it was not meant as a bad thing don’t take it that way

 My reply:

I am sorry, I guess it is not a good day for me to relax. I said I am not going there and you keep going there, so perhaps is best not to talk.

After 1 hour he replied:

    Im sorry you feel that way
have a good day

And with that he logged off.

And that is that. When you think you have a friend that is able to look beyond male and female sexual tensions and focus on the relationship and the healthy exchange of words, you get a wakeup call reminding you that most (notice I didn’t say all) men just have one thing in their minds.

Good riddance!  I don’t need to think I have a friend when all I have is a guy that is trying to get into my pants or at least into my erotic mind.

***

I am not a prude, but I decided long ago not to play with anything that is not mine. I wouldn’t want anyone having spicy conversations with my boyfriend (if I had one)

 

Confusion

07 Monday May 2012

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I confused what I wanted with what I needed

I confused control with attention

I confused manipulation with love

I confused narcissism with confidence

I confused appearance with content

I confused intelligence with arrogance

I confused illusions with facts

I confused a cold mind with a bleeding heart

I confused ephemeral with everlasting

I confused never again with maybe

I confused you with the one

May God Bless the Confused Soul!!

Review: Kykuit-The Rockefeller Estate – 4 stars

06 Sunday May 2012

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Kykuit is the house that John D. Rockefeller built for his family in the Hudson Valley. It is a magnificent property with extensive gardens with tons of sculptures throughout.  It sits at the top of Kykuit Hill with majestic views. John D. Rockefeller was the founder of Standard Oil, now Exxon.

They offer a variety of tours. We chose the Grand Tour which is the one that you get to see the most of the house and gardens.  It is impressive the architecture and the collection of Modern Art in the gallery in the basement.

My favorite part was the gardens and all its sculptures. The sculputres all from the 20th century belonged to Nelson Rockefeller.  He was NY’s Governor and also US’s Vice President under Gerald Ford. He was a lover of the Arts, of well knows artists, such as Picasso, but also unkown NY artists.

We also got to see the Carriage House that now houses a collection on Antique cars and carriages.

The guide was very knowledgeable and really gave us a background on the house and all the families that lived there (4 generations of the Rockefeller family).

The tour lasted 3 hours and went by very fast. I highly recommend it!!

Please see my other blog for the pictures taken there http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/

Today I woke up singing

05 Saturday May 2012

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Today I caught myself singing a Brazilian song written by Chico Buarque de Hollanda in 1976.  It is called “Olhos nos Olhos” “Eye to Eye”

and here is the part I caught myself singing:

Olhos no olhos, quero ver o que você faz
Ao sentir que sem você passo bem demais
E que venho até remoçando
Me pego cantando
Sem mais nem porquê

Here is my loose translation:

Eye to eye, I want to see what you do
When you realize that without you I live very well
that I am even getting younger
and I catch myself singing
For no reason at all”

**

Amazing how, unconsciously, that is where my mind is.  Me, that never sings would wake up singing that song, that part is to me a sign.  A sign of growth and recovery and happiness.

Thank you God and Universe for the rehabilition of my cells, to the the renewal of each day, for the knowledge, experience and certainty, that this minute was better than the one before and that the next minute will be even better.

***

Here is the whole song and my loose translation:

Quando você me deixou, meu bem
Me disse pra ser feliz e passar bem
Quis morrer de ciúme, quase enlouqueci
Mas depois, como era de costume, obedeci
Quando você me quiser rever
Já vai me encontrar refeita, pode crer
Olhos no olhos, quero ver o que você faz
Ao sentir que sem você passo bem demais
E que venho até remoçando
Me pego cantando
Sem mais nem porquê
E tantas águas rolaram
Quantos homens me amaram
Bem mais e melhor que você
Quando talvez precisar de mim
‘Ce sabe a casa é sempre sua, venha sim
Olhos nos olhos, quero ver o que você diz
Quero ver como suporta me ver tão feliz

translation:

When you left me, my dear
You told me to be happy and be well
I wanted to die of jealousy, almost went crazy
but later, as I was used to, I obeyed

When you want to see me again
You are going to find me renewed, you better believe
Eye to eye, I want to see what you do
When you realize that without you I live very well
that I am even getting younger
and I catch myself singing
For no reason at all

and so many things have come and gone
so many men have loved me
more and better than you

When, perhaps, you will need me
you know the door is always open, do come
eye to eye, I want to see what you say
I want to see how so you stand to see me so happy

****

Is there a song that you find yourself singing for no reason?

 

Review Documentary: What I Want My Words to Do to You – 4 1/2 stars

05 Saturday May 2012

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This is a documentary done in 2003 featuring the Writing Group of Bedford Hills Correctional Facility in Bedford Hills, NY.

Eve Ensler had conducted a 4 year writing program with the women of the facility by the time this documentary was done. Eve Ensler, you may recall,  she is known for writing The Vagina Monologues (which I never saw, but I think I will track it down and see it)

the documentary showed the women participating in a series of exercises and discussions about the crimes they committed, their guilt and the reality of living behind bars.

It ended with several actresses including Glenn Close and Marisa Tomei among others, performing the women’s writing for the inmates in prison.

I highly recommend it to every woman, actually, to everyone.

It  was very powerful.  It hit me very hard.  I cried at varies points while watching it.  I realized how much I have in common with women sitting in prison.  Not only I, but we all have a lot in common, but for some reason we make the right decision at the right moment.

One thing most of them had in common was they didn’t think they had any other choices. And that is where I differ from those women.  I know I have choices and I plan on taking full advantage of them.

But the truly sad part is to realize that there are a lot more people that are imprisoned but invisible walls that they put up.  Anyway, that is a topic for another post.

Gotta go to sleep now.