Tag Archives: life lessons

I Float!

08 Thursday Jan 2015

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“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.” ― Seneca

Happiness is not the absence of problems.  Happiness is how you deal with the problems you encounter.

I saw a poster the other day that said:  “If you stop struggling, you float”.  It really resonated with me.  I have been struggling instead of floating lately.  I have been encountering many problems and with each I near that one moment where despair sets in and all seems beyond repair, when it feels nothing is going right.

I realize that my faith is being tested. My very positive self is being put to a test. Even though I am very positive I realize there is still room for improvement.

So I have been making a very conscious effort to change how I deal with problems in my life.  I no longer try to immediately attack it aiming for results without any thought or regard to my actions.  I no longer react without pause and careful consideration.  I also no longer try to slam the door on a problem pretending that it doesn’t exist and hoping it will go away – I call that the Brazilian way, but it is extremely ineffective! Instead I am opening the door and inviting the problems in.  We sit, we talk, we arrive to conclusions.  I am choosing to treat it as a friend and in turn it does become my friend.  It no longer has control over me.  It is no longer my enemy, it has now become my ally.

When I don’t react, when I take the time to look at a problem with comprehension and not anger, everything changes.  I end up realizing that the problem is not as big as it originally appeared.

The moment I embrace it, it eases up on me.  I am no longer scared to the point of despair or paralysis.  I look into its eye and what I see is not this enemy trying to destroy me, instead it is a patient teacher, a caring mentor.  It is not here to hurt me or cause me pain.  Pain and hurt are mere conduits, mere distractions, just steps necessary in my ascendance to a better place.

Problems have a mission in our lives and their mission is to mold us into a better and stronger person.  We can either accept that or fight it.  Accepting makes the road much easier.

“Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.” ― Roger Crawford

Welcoming problems as lessons, teachers, opportunities, etc changes the whole dynamic. This one little shift in attitude, welcoming problems instead of fighting them, is making a dramatic improvement in my life.  I now see it a chance for me to grow and shine.  The bigger the problem I am facing the greater the chance, and the bigger the reward at the end.  I get to analyze the situation, I get to make choices.

In 2015 I am inviting to sit at my table all my friends that go by different names such as trouble, problems, mistakes, challenges, curve balls, hurdles, obstacles, etc.  Once they are welcomed in they become opportunities, goals, lessons, growth, steps, acceptance, maturity, tests of faith, etc.

They are already a part of my life anyway, but now they are recognized and treated as guests.  Problems used to make me feel out of control and totally at the mercy of others, now we co-exist in harmony.

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” ― Molière

Inviting problems to my dinner table is my idea of floating, of making peace with that that robs my sanity, and drives me to reach for food as solace. Nothing like a problem to kick my emotional hunger in high gear.

I could go and hide my face in a slice of chocolate cake, or I could become paralyzed with fear, but eventually I have to deal with whatever problems life throws at me.  How I look at it makes a world of difference.

I think there is always a problem before a big miracle.  There is always a test, a roadblock to test our resolve.  So now I see a problem for what it is: the appetizer that doesn’t taste so good before a meal that is going to be amazing. So, no need to despair just work on the problem and move on to bigger and better things.

My 2 main points here are: 1) Problems are good, accept it! and 2) We are in charge, but not alone!

We are in control, as far as anyone can be actually in control of anything 🙂 We have a choice.  We can control how we perceive and react to a problem.  I choose to be the driver and not the passenger in this road trip.  I want to make my own way and not crumple at the sight of a little inconvenience. How one deal with problems separate the victims from the survivors, from the heroes. I was never a victim and don’t plan on starting now.

Why should I be deserving of rewards and miracles when at any minor inconvenience I throw in the towel, I despair? What does that say about me and my faith?  I need to remember that I am never alone and for whatever problem I face there is always a solution.  A problem presents itself but so does a solution.

Accepting that problems will happen, understanding that they are here to make me a better person, and knowing that I am never alone, helps me to deal with the dark moment and not over dramatize anything and make mountains out of molehills.

Problems also have an incredible way of teaching gratitude.  Gratitude for so many days without any problems and gratitude for the solution that is always there!

All of a sudden life is lighter, even though this evening had me face a problem that I had already spent money last week to solve.  Oh well, I marvel at the hidden reward of a returning problem. Did I miss the lesson the first time around?

I am done struggling! Now I float…and it feels divine!  Try it!

 “You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Accept it, live with it, don’t fight it!

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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So I have no friends, that fact has already been established on my last post.  Now I must set about making new, hopefully available, friends.  This post should be about all my efforts and results in that endeavor, but instead it is the opposite.  It is about the reasons why I am doing nothing, or very little.

This “doing nothing or very little” is very hard for this impulsive all or nothing Aries.  My approach to problems has never been slow and steady.  Once I determine a task needs to be done, and I want it bad enough, I jump head first.   I go about it in crazed fashion only intent on results and missing everything else.  Not this time! This time I am going for non-reaction and non-action.  It is often told that we should challenge ourselves and get out of our comfort zone, and this “doing nothing” is definitely uncomfortable to me.

 “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This is my way of attempting to learn not to react (and overreact) to events and situations.  This is accepting instead of fighting it and trying to change it.  I will eventually attack the task (making new friends), but the idea here is to have a better, more thoughtful and controlled approach.   I am controlling the problem, it is not controlling me.

This time I decided that perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to try to correct a situation that I deem wrong and unacceptable.   This situation, and any uncomfortable situation, presents a big opportunity for contemplation and learning.  Perhaps I should spend some time in the moment and in the feeling of being friendless.   I should learn to acceptance silence and stillness.  I have no friends, but I am surrounded by sound and busyness of my own making: TV, music, internet, books, games, etc.  I feel I am always on, not knowing what to do with myself when all else is off.

 “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I should accept the stillness and silence of the moment.  There is a need for friends but there is also value in the lack of it.  I am respecting the nature of things and God’s will.  There is a reason for this.  I will do my part, but I will not be aggressive and thoughtless, not that they are the same thing, but oftentimes that is what happens to me when I engage in something. I am in search of new activities that will lead me to new friends, but not with any urgency.  I am moving with the determination of a sloth, and I like it!

Perhaps this moment will yield some much needed creativity that I lack at the moment.   Perhaps the lesson here is humility, to realize that there is no shame in being friendless.  Being friendless should in no way have a reflection on the quality of my friendship.  Perhaps this approach will help me realize the need to take things slow and the need to focus.  Sometimes I lack focus, I do it all, and I do it all together.  I think I lack respect, respect for the function I am performing at the moment.   I am lucky that the result is always positive; things get done, and actually done well.  But I question if they are done as well as they should or could if I had really paid attention to each moment and task.

“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.” 
― Stewart O’Nan, The Odds: A Love Story

There is time for Book Clubs, gyms, Meetups etc, but there is only this one moment to feel the emptiness of the moment.  I always believed that happiness is an option,  and every morning as soon as I open my eyes I choose happiness. But happiness is also learning to be happy in this very moment, not on the moment somewhere in the future when I will have made new friends or in the past where I had friends to do things with.  Happiness is right here and right now.  I am still looking for friends and activities, but I got rid of the sense of urgency. I am learning to be okay with not having friends.   One can say I am basking in the glory of loneliness, I am letting it envelope me, but not to bring me sadness, but to bring me happiness and peace on my own.

I believe I am the master of my destiny so letting things happen is very hard.  But I am learning the benefits of letting marinate and flow as they will.  I always viewed that inaction and non-reaction as laziness.  It is actually the total opposite of laziness; it takes a real effort to let things be.  I have been amazed to realize that some things get resolved on their own without my having to do anything about it.  What an amazing realization!

 “The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don’t be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Or maybe… just maybe… everything I wrote above is all a bunch of hogwash that I made up to make me feel good about my lack of effort and total lack of results.  😦

Lessons a mountain taught me!

15 Saturday Feb 2014

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

For some reason this Valentine’s Day is not bothering me as others have.  Being single and alone is very comfortable and welcoming right now.  I am enjoying and rejoicing in it.  I am sufficient, I am enough – amazing discovery!

With that being said I continue to put myself out there and go on dates.  I had a weird experience tonight that I will describe in a next blog.

Also, of course Ex had to send me a text wishing me Happy Valentine’s Day.  I will discuss my feelings about it also in that next blog.

Remember to say I love you to the important people in your life, not only with words but with actions.

***

Which route to take?

Lessons on a mountain! Choosing the right route for me!

“You always need to work hard. You always need to be willing to work hard. Not everything will be hard, but you should, at the very least, be willing to work hard.” ― Tom Giaquinto, Be A Good Human

I embarked on my skiing trip to Whistler so confident that I almost had to buy two seats in the plane to fit me and my ego.  I thought I would get there and just magically be skiing blue trails.

On the first day I decided to go on a blue trail and realized I was biting more than I could chew, so I decided to get back to greens until my lessons the following days.

On the second and third days I had lessons with an instructor I didn’t care for. I thought he was a bit lazy and since I was the best one in the group I didn’t feel challenged. I thought the group was dragging me down.  I had a bad internal attitude even though externally I was being agreeable and happy.

On the 4th day I had an instructor that was great.  He challenged us and paid attention to what each one of us was doing.  I was having so much fun. Then all of a sudden things changed.  I cannot pinpoint the exact moment things changed.  But all of a sudden there were voices of doubt in my head.  They kept getting louder and louder.  My legs stopped listening to me.  I was suddenly the slowest, and the most scared of the group.  I went from full confidence skiing greens and even blues in the morning to complete self-doubt in the afternoon.

In the afternoon I fell twice.  I don’t have a problem with falling, I welcome it as a sign that I am taking chances. Except that was not the case this time.  I didn’t lose my confidence because I fell, I fell because I lost my confidence.  I became scared and started playing safe and not trusting my abilities.

The more I look back the more confused I get with what happened to me. I don’t have a reason for it other then to say that there were lessons I needed to learn.

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” ― Rumi,

On the last day, fear had consumed me so much that I was now completely scared of greens.  But I forced myself to continue trying even though I was now on the easiest green they have, where beginners start.

The whole time I am battling my mind I am thinking of ways to stop it. I am asking for help from God, from the Light, I am trying to talk myself out of this paralysis I find myself in.  I am trying not to think of how dangerous the sport can be, because right now my mind has me thinking of even death.  Then came the inevitable thought of quitting. Why do I need to continue to subject myself to this? What do I have to prove? And to whom?

I am no quitter! I have nothing to prove, but I never quit anything just because it was difficult. If anything difficulties make me want it even more.  This is merely a roadblock, a distraction from my main goal. I know better than to quit over a minor setback.

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”
― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist

There are many lessons here and I wish I knew what they all were, but for now this is what I am taking from it:

– Focus on myself. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t like about the first instructor and in the progress of the other students I should have focused on my progress.  Focusing on the instructors made me negative and slowly corrupted my mind.

– Don’t judge and compare others. I kept comparing the first instructor with an awesome instructor I had in Colorado. Instead I should have been trying to learn and asking questions. He is an instructor for a reason, perhaps I should have given him more of a chance.

-Don’t compare yourself to others and think you are better or worse than they are. I was too busy comparing myself to the others in the group instead of watching my progress or lack of it.  In the first group I considered myself the best, in the second I became the worst, but none of that should have mattered. It is not a competition!

-Don’t pretend to be happy and go with the flow if you have an option.  I didn’t have to have same instructor on 2 straight days.  I could and should have asked for another one. Trying to be agreeable is not always a good thing.

– Fear doesn’t have to be my enemy!  Having a bit of fear and respect of nature and also an understanding of my abilities is a good thing if it means that it keeps me safe and from putting myself in unnecessary dangerous situations.

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.” ― Rumi

– Don’t be overconfident.  Don’t be so full of yourself that you will misjudge your own abilities.  Don’t expect progress when you don’t even know how your body will behave on a certain day and under certain conditions. Take things as they come, welcoming progress and learning from setbacks.

– Manage your expectations well.  Be careful with expectations. Remember about always doing your best, but know that that your best changes.  The conditions made all the runs difficult so I should have expected my performance to suffer and should have managed my expectations accordingly.

– Think of why you are doing something to begin with. I am skiing because is both challenging and fun. I should welcome challenging days as a huge opportunity for growth. I love it ski, I look forward to it.  I don’t care how cold, how uncomfortable, how tired I am, I wish I was on a mountain right now.

– Life needs balance and it is all about balance.  Self esteem needs balance.  I am not the best or worst, I am my best/worst as I decide to be. I should strive for balance.  Thinking highly of myself is mostly a good thing, but not when it blinds me to everything else, or when I consider myself superior to others.

“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…Share.” 
― Steve Maraboli

I am determined not to let that fear interfere with my future.  I didn’t recognize that person on the mountain! Finding out I have an insecure, unsure, fearful side was not pleasant, but I am sure it was for the best.  I think this minor setback will make me stronger in the long run.  Things that are easy acquired have no value; they are easily taken for granted.  Being a good, comfortable skier is my aim and it will taste that much sweeter when I attain it.  And I know I will, it is just a matter of when.  I am not giving up.  If anything, I am more enthusiastic about getting better.  Each mountain is a lesson.

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.” ― Ellen DeGeneres

At the end of the day I am glad for having experienced different feelings in my head and different conditions on the mountain. For some reason, my head took over and my heart went silent, while that is never the case in my life. Note to self: strive for balance of heart and mind.

And here is something that I know for sure: I am a flawed human, and yet I am wonderfully perfect!

What seeds am I planting?

20 Friday Dec 2013

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Whistler, BC, Canada

Whistler, BC, Canada – where I would love to be at this moment!

I was thinking of 2014 and I realized how important what I am doing at this very moment contributes to my future – no earth shattering news there but sometimes I catch myself going through the motions and not really living or paying attention to what I am doing.

I decided, to quote my favorite movie “Shaswhank Redemption”, get “busy living” instead of get “busy dying”.  I decided to take a look at my present behavior to see if I am conducting myself in a way that benefits my future.  What seeds am I planting?

Here are the questions I am asking myself, and in a way here is my self improvement list:

1)    Am I getting enough sleep and drinking enough water?

2)    Am I learning to accept, love and take care of my body the way it deserves?

3)    Am I watching what I eat and drink?  Am I getting enough protein and less sugar?

4)    Am I making sure I am not overindulging in anything, and letting any one thing control me? Chocolate, TV, even a good thing such as exercise can become an addiction if I let it control me.

5)    Am I reading more and watching less?  Books are food for my mind and soul, TV can sometimes desensitize us and make us life observers and not participants.  (of course there are bad books and good TV shows too!)

6)    Am I making sure I am not wasting my time online with useless distractions?  Online life can be addictive and unreal.

7)    Am I simplifying my life?  Getting rid of the excess, old and unused? Donate, trade, re-purpose!

8)    Am I recycling and not wasting resources?

9)    Am I keeping clean surroundings?  A clean desk, house, mind means more efficiency.

10)  Am I respecting my parents and my elders? Am respecting their opinions, their limitations?

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~Anaïs Nin

11)  Am I being kind to strangers?  Am I being kind to all, especially when it is most difficult to do?

12)  Am I surrounding myself with quality people, good energy people? Am staying away from negativity?

13)  Am I getting myself out in the world and networking and cultivating good relationships?

14)  Am I updating my resume and qualifications? Am I being ready and prepared should I come to need it?

15)  Am I giving back to the community, to the world? Am I volunteering my time and energy to worthwhile causes?  Am I donating money?

16)  Am I obeying the laws, written and unwritten?

He who knows others is learned;
He who knows himself is wise.
~Lao-tzu

17)  Am I being moral and ethical? Am I making sure that I am not taking shortcuts?

18)  Am I replacing old bad habits with new good ones? For example, taking a walk after dinner instead of sitting in front of the TV.

19)  Am I facing my fears and getting out of my comfort zone? This is the where and when my soul shines and my self esteem rises!

20)  Am I smiling often? Am I smiling when things are good and smiling even more when things are bad?

21)  Am I making sure I am not settling for less than what I deserve for fear (of something, the unknown, of being alone, etc)?

“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” 
― Marianne Williamson

22)  Am I talking less and listening more? Am I using my words for the good?

23)  Am I using my skills and talents to the best of my abilities?

24)  Am I always learning something new?  (to me this is the key to staying young)

25)  Am I praying and having positive thoughts throughout my day? Am I trusting the God/Universe/Light within me?

26)  Am I being in the moment?  Am I being conscious of my actions and not going through life as a robot?

27)  Am I forgiving and forgetting? Am I forgiving others for wronging me?

28)  Am forgiving myself for past mistakes? Am I taking corrective measures to right and wrong but not dwelling in it?

29)  Am I learning to ask for help and accept help when I need it?  Am I offering help?

30)  Am I creating goals and working towards achieving them?

All men should strive to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber

31)  Am I keeping stress at bay, by learning to relax, breathing and hitting pause when necessary?

32)  Am I being non-reactive? Am I making sure that I am not being impulsive with my actions?

33)  Am I being financially responsible and living within my means?  Am I cutting out unnecessary expenses? Am I having respect for my money and the hard work I put in to get it?

34)  Am I accepting people as they are, and not imposing my will on them? Am I being non-judgmental?

35)  Am I welcoming pain, problems, obstacles, challenges, etc, as a growth opportunity?  Am I looking at the situation and learning from it?

36) Am I loving when hating would be easier?

37) Am I being grateful for all I have been blessed with?  I am honoring my blessings and not taking anything for granted?

This is an on-going list as I am a work-in-progress!

“It is necessary … for a man to go away by himself … to sit on a rock … and ask, ‘Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going?” 
― Carl Sandburg

My favorite flowers: daisies

My favorite flowers: daisies!

My work is never done – Happily working and progressing!

12 Thursday Dec 2013

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“The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” ― Aristotle

Some days the quote above really comes to mind when I think how far I came emotionally in the last couple of years.  It seems that the more I learn about myself, the more I fine tune, the more I work on things I think need to work on, the more I realize how much more work I need.

That is not to say that I am not giving myself credit for all the work.  I feel that spiritually and emotionally I am at a much better place and only scratching the surface of how awesome I can become.  I am excited to put in more work and watch myself blossom.

“Hard work does not go unnoticed, and someday the rewards will follow” 
― Allan Rufus

Here are some of the things that I am constantly trying to work on:

Being fully present in every moment.  Concentrating on the now is one of the best things you can do for your future.  The past is gone.  Some memories are good but to continue to relive the past is not healthy or beneficial.  At the same time don’t just live in the future. Do not dream of how amazing your life will be when something you really want happens, such as losing weight.  Start living that life now and do whatever you want to do now! Be conscious of every moment, pay attention to every moment.  Don’t be a robot!

“Forever is composed of nows.” 
― Emily Dickinson

Stay away from negative energy/people. We all know some people that sag our energy,  that drag us down.  They have a way of making us feel defensive or irritated or cause us to have some other negative feeling, so why choose to share space with them? Stay away!  Of course sometimes it is not possible to avoid them, in that case don’t give them power and opportunity. Don’t engage them in unnecessary conversation.

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” 
― Joel Osteen

Stay away from bad influences and situations.  I know that there are certain situations I am vulnerable to.  For example, I know that there are certain types of guys that I start talking to and energy flows but I know they are not good for me in the end, but I am having fun so I continue in the slippery slide.  I need to avoid putting myself in those situations that I know it will not be a good for me.  Another sensitive area is sugar.  I know that if I buy a whole chocolate cake I will be tempted to slowly eat the whole thing, so now I only buy a slice. So this goes back to being present in the moment and asking myself if what I am about to do is beneficial to me in the long run.

Stay busy and active with things that matter. An idle mind is the devil’s playground.  That is so true and to that I will add: an idle body is also the devil’s playground.  But don’t just keep yourself busy with just anything.  Busy yourself with activities that benefit you and/or others.  Learn, build, construct, help, etc.  Make your actions meaningful.  With that being said, make sure to rest and have fun.  Don’t be a slave to and addicted to anything. Even healthy habits can be detrimental if you make them your God.  Practice balance and moderation!

Be kind to yourself.  No one is perfect.  We all err, and sometimes we make the same mistake twice, three times.  Don’t penalize yourself.   Take ownership of the mistake and move on.  Promise yourself that you will do better next time. Reward yourself for goals met and for accomplishments.  Don’t wait for anyone to tell you how awesome you are!   Be your biggest fan!

Act with love and kindness.  Just think of everyone as your brother/sister and treat them as such.  Even when it is the hardest thing to do, and is at that time that there is more value in doing it. Choose kindness, understanding and forgiveness.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

You are always and already whole and perfect as God intended.  Nobody can take away your values and morals.  People and circumstances may leave you feeling down, deflated, less than perfect.  Things and people may break your heart, your bones, take your money and material things, but no one can take your essence away.  Stay true to them.  Stay true to your morals and beliefs.  Don’t let anyone make you think that you not a good person.

“There are two kinds of perfect: The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself.” 
― Lauren King

Accept pain and problems as lessons and opportunities for growth.  Each roadblock is a little step towards a better you, towards a better future.  Each situation offers a chance for growth.  So welcome the hardship, but don’t suffer unnecessarily. Contemplate the situation and learn as much as you can from it.  Understand the part you played in it so not to repeat it.  Don’t stay in the pain and don’t act like a victim!

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”― Haruki Murakami

Never lose faith and hope.  No matter what happens in your life proceed with the faith and knowledge that as long as you continue working hard the best outcome will be yours.  Realize that at the most difficult times your faith is being tested, and that is when you need to believe the most!  Believe in yourself and the Creator and Universe within you!

“Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.” 
― Max Lucado

Don’t be reactive!  I am quick to react to anything, good or bad.  I normally blame it on being an Impulsive and impatient Aries.  Be in control of your steps and movements and actions.  Before anything, Stop and reflect!  (This one I learned, well still learning, in Kabbalah and I am still trying to apply to my life. It is not easy, before I know I already reacted)

“Spiritual practice involves being constantly aware.” 
― Shri Radhe Maa

Last, but not least, Smile! Don’t forget to smile! Smile in good times and in bad times smile even more!

“Peace begins with a smile..” 
― Mother Teresa