Category Archives: Finding Me

Anything related to the discovery of the inner me

Slow down, you move too fast…

20 Monday Jul 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.”― Art Buchwald

On Wednesday night G (the man I mentioned I dated 15 years ago), my sister and I went to Turquoise, a Turkish restaurant in Larchmont, NY.  The food and service were impeccable.  We all shared zucchini pancakes and shrimp (they did, I don’t eat shellfish). For the entree my sister and I had grilled fish with spinach and rice.  G had lamb with couscous.  I had rose wine, my sister had a bay breeze cocktail and G had a Turkish beer.

G and my sister got along well.  We were joking and laughing the entire evening. After dinner he drove us home.  My sister offered him some German chocolate cake and he accepted, so he came up to my apartment to have it.  I didn’t feel like already having him in my apartment but it was okay.  He sat and ate a couple of slices of cake, then left.

My friend Mary from Rhode Island had baked the cake for her friend’s birthday but because the cake fell apart she was too embarrassed to give it to her.  When we unexpectedly showed up in RI she offered it to me when I mentioned chocolate cake while we were having lunch.  It didn’t look pretty but it was delicious.  

“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” ― Jane Austen

On Thursday night G and I went to the Cheesecake Factory in White Plains for dinner.  I had this bacon cheeseburger with sweet potatoes fries that was so yummy, I am dreaming about it now.  Their bread basket is just heavenly.

I just need to start taking pictures of my food.  I keep forgetting 😦

He wanted me to go to his apartment after dinner with some excuse that I needed to try peanut butter and jelly sandwich, something he eats daily.  I never had it before, and have no interest in starting it now.  I declined.  I feel he was disappointed since that was the best excuse he could come up with to have me in his apartment.  I care and yet don’t care about his disappointment.

G asked me where I wanted to go on Saturday.  I mentioned that I hadn’t agreed to go out on Saturday.  I was honest with him about my feelings and wants, and really about not knowing exactly what I want.

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”― Bessel A. van der Kolk

I told him that I thought he is going too fast too soon.  He wants to go out every single day, and that is way too much.  I am a Horse in the Chinese horoscope, I don’t like fences or the feeling of being tie down.   Or perhaps the issue is that I am afraid of getting hurt.  Or hurting him.  Anytime someone seems to be all in the way he is I fear for their feelings.

Or perhaps still, the issue is just that I don’t like him enough.  I think when I meet the right person there will not be “too much too soon”, there will not be hesitation, there will not be confusion.  

He agreed to slow down and said:  “tell me if you want to go out on Saturday, or any other day”.  I said ok.

I didn’t want to see him this weekend, but it turned into a very busy weekend anyway.  I went to the office on Saturday to have the new shades installed and catch up on a couple of things.  What was supposed to be a couple of hours went several hours.  For dinner we met a friend at The Colombian House in New Rochelle.  On Sunday we met  another friend for brunch at Chat 19 in Larchmont,  then we went shopping at Marshalls, my sister loves that store.  

I have been going out more to local restaurants.  I am trying to help them out and leaving bigger tips.  We already have a lot vacant storefronts in my city I am hoping not have many more added to it.  Many small business will not be able to survive.

Yesterday G. asked if I wanted to go out a night this week.  I said yes and that I would let him know which night.  I am thinking Thursday since that is my favorite night to go out.

I really don’t know too much about G, other than he is way to eager to see me.  We only went out a few times 15 years ago.  I would like to be friends and get to know him slowly. But right at this moment if pressed for an answer I would say friendship over relationship. 

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.”― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

 

another day in online dating paradise

07 Tuesday Jul 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.”― Euripides

The date that was canceled on June 26, was going to happen on July 3rd.  Key word: was.  I wanted to keep an open mind and give the guy a chance but in the end my instincts were right.  He was not worth the energy.

On the day we were supposed to meet he said he wanted to bring his guitar and serenade me in my apartment after dinner.  He is a part time wedding singer.  When I said that the idea was nice and we could do it in the future he became a whiny 3 year old going on and on on why we couldn’t do it that night and how he was such a good guy.  

Good guys wait, and don’t force situations or get annoyed when they hear a no.

He said I was very distrustful. I said it was not a matter of trust since I don’t even know him. It is a matter of safety.  In the end I stopped trying to explain my view and just said:  “You don’t have to understand, you have to respect how I feel.  Since you can’t, let’s forget about it.”

He called a couple more times trying to convince me to go through with the date and with the guitar playing.  Too late, I was done.  Trying to convince me of something when my mind is already made up just makes me more annoyed.

In the end I just didn’t answer the phone anymore.

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners” ― Laurence Sterne

On Saturday I finally went on my first date since I have been back on Match.  While this person didn’t really give me a lot of hope I thought he would be a nice guy and we would have a nice time.

I did have a nice time because I can make the best of almost anything.  He was kind and came bearing gifts: Hot sauce and dark chocolate.  He owns a food distributor.

He was shorter, fatter and older than it was on his profile.  Nothing wrong with short, fat and old.  I just have a problem with false advertisement.  He was also more unavailable than I expected.  This one is my fault.  When I looked at his profile again it did say he was separated.  I missed that.  But even if I had seen that, I never expect someone to be living in the basement of the family home for the past 12 years while fighting over the house.  

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” – Albert Einstein

He has been waiting 12 years for his wife to decide what she wants. Among all that he mentioned, he said he doesn’t own a TV because the wife doesn’t want a TV in the house.   No matter how handsome, tall, young, slim and awesome someone is, there is no way that I can respect  or be with that complacent and spineless. 

Even though I mostly felt sorry for him, I also got a bit annoyed that he expect women to be okay with that situation.  He said that the women of Match have a lot of expectations regarding relationships. 

I said that I could only speak for myself and my only expectation was that someone looked like his pictures and was available to be in a relationship.   At which point he went back to telling me that he has been available for over 12 years and that he will force the wife to sell the house… I don’t think that even he was buying that.

My advice to him, he didn’t ask but I volunteered, was: “get your life untangled first before you add another person to that dynamic.”

 He said that the right woman will understand.  I am not her! After dinner I wished him luck and we parted as friends.

I also said to him to forget about the house and embrace freedom.  At this point he went back to talking about the grand plans he has for his business.  It seems he will continue fooling himself.

“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and the second is ‘Who will go with me?’

If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”
― Sam Keen

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Intermittent fasting: yea or nay?

03 Friday Jul 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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First a disclaimer: I am not advocating intermittent fasting or any kind of diet or even weight loss. I don’t believe in fad diets, but in listening to your body.  Please consult your doctor and do your own research. Only you know what your body needs.  I am only sharing what I chose to do to cope with the quarantine and not gain any extra weight.

Love your body and be kind to your body no matter what. It is a temple!  And also a playground!

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”― Dan Millman

***

When I was having my floors done I had the brilliant idea of dismantling my elliptical machine and throwing it away. It was bulky and not working that great.  My intention was to get a smaller one after the new flooring was installed.  However, my floor, as I have mentioned before, remains unfinished. 

Before the quarantine, without the elliptical, I wasn’t exercising much but still was taking walks and a trip to the gym every now and then.  My hip and clavicle issues prevent me from really doing the exercises I like, such as Zumba and heavy weightlifting.

With Planet Fitness closed, as well as the gym in my building, all I have been doing are some stretches. I know I can and I should be doing more, but have yet to get into an exercise routine.   

“So be gentle with yourself; show yourself the same kindness and patience you might show a young child – the child you once were. If you won’t be your own friend, who will be? If, when playing an opponent, you are also opposing yourself, you will be outnumbered.” ― Dan Millman

When we were forced to stay at home I knew that it could be disastrous to my sister and I.  We both love carbs and sugar.  Adjustments were in order.  Taking my sister’s advice (she has been doing it for awhile) I embarked on the intermittent fasting. The way we do it, we try to stop eating as early as we can the night before, normally around 7pm and then only eat again the next day after 11am.  We fast for 16 hours or more.

I always believed that I had to eat something very early as soon as I woke up to get my metabolism going, so my body wouldn’t think I was starving myself and shut down. I had to reevaluate my thinking.  There is a whole debate and science behind eating and not eating breakfast.  I am not getting into that here. 

To me what is important are the foods I choose when I am eating.  With less hours to eat I eventually ate less, which led to losing 15 pounds. My goal was not to gain, so I am over the moon.  

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”― Dan Millman

In the beginning it was a struggle. I was so addicted to my daily morning meal of bread and butter.  I am one of those people that wake up starving.  I am not sure it is really hunger or just the routine of eating in the morning.  By now I am mostly used to it, but still there are some very hard days.  

Unfortunately now my fasting has been called into question.  Should I be rethinking the fasting because of the dizziness? I am feeling much better but every day I have my moments of feeling out of focus and wobbly.  It is normally when I lift head, and every night when I lay down.  I am really almost 100% better but still feeling out of focus has me worried.

The other day my boss, Jeff, said to me:  “Dr. Jeff is ordering you to go back to your breakfast of bread and butter. You are starving yourself, that is why you are dizzy.” 

My friend that is a Naturopathic doctor said: “Intermittent fasting is great but it is not for everyone.  It may not be for you.”  He wants me to do different allergies tests.

“It’s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to timidly avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit. Responsibility means recognizing both pleasure and price, action and consequence, then making a choice.”― Dan Millman

I have been doing the fasting since late March and it was only in June that the vertigo symptoms started.  Plus I have had vertigo a couple of times before in 2019.  I want to believe that it is not the cause and just a coincidence.

I am a fan of the fasting because I don’t have to deprive myself of anything I like.  I still have my bread and butter but now normally on weekends, and sometimes I will have for lunch or dinner if I really want it.

Intermittent fasting makes me feel more in control (there goes that word that I have a love-hate relationship with).  It taught me that it is okay to feel hungry.  Actually I am learning what is to feel hungry.  Since I have fewer hours to eat I am making better choices.

I will be having a physical this month, so I will discuss it with my doctor.  But for now I am sticking to it.  It was the jump start I needed to get my mind and body reconnected.

Have any of you tried intermittent fasting?  What is your experience?

If you have any recommendation of a good, yet, small elliptical machine please let me know. 

“Sometimes sorrow, sometimes joy. But beneath it all remember the innate perfection of your life unfolding. That is the secret of unreasonable happiness.”― Dan Millman

 

 

It is now or never again

25 Thursday Jun 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world — no matter how imperfect — becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

I decided to get back on the horse. And by horse I mean online dating.  I just signed up for it again.  I felt that I was getting too complacent, too comfortable in my oneness.  It feels that if I don’t just do it right now I will never get back to it.

Even though I always enjoyed speaking to new people and going on dates, lately every time I thought of joining I would think of it as a chore and would go off do something else.  So today I made a point of signing up before I gave up on it forever.  I am once again a member of Match.com.

I have never given up on the idea of love.  I just have been passive about it.  Instead of actively looking for it, I was just sitting back and letting it find me. It didn’t!

“It is impossible to exist without passion”― Søren Kierkegaard

That approach, or should I say non-approach, wasn’t really working.  I am not a person that sits and waits.  I go out there and get the job done…or die trying.  I rather take the initiative, be aggressive and know that I am doing my part and having a hand in my destiny.

The Bible says: God helps those that help themselves.

Paulo Coelho says: When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Rumi says: what you seek is also seeking you.

So I want God, Paulo Coelho, Rumi and the entire Universe to know that I am actively doing my part.  I want the Universe to know that I am still here and still wanting and still trying to find love.

Winning or losing I want to feel that at least I am part of the game. I don’t want to be just a spectator.

“Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.”― Søren Kierkegaard

I don’t need a man but I want one.  I miss the intimacy.  I miss the flirting.  I miss the idea of having common goals and working together to achieve them.  I want to believe that it will happen, actually I firmly believe that it will happen.  It is only a matter of time.  I can’t hurry love, as the song below says.

I also have never given up on the idea of the fairy-tale. But my version of fairy tale doesn’t involve princes in shining armors and white horses, just has men that pays their bills on time and showers daily.  Is that too much to ask?

I feared that if I waited any longer I would just give up the idea of online dating all-together.  I had fun before and I still believe in it.  Or perhaps I just want an excuse to get out of the house.

Stay tuned for all the dating adventures to come.  Fingers crossed.

“It’s quite an undertaking to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment right at the start where you have to jump across an abyss: if you think about it you don’t do it.”― Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

The dizziness is speaking, I better listen

20 Saturday Jun 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I was almost 100% better when all of a sudden some of the dizziness came back.  Now I know for sure that it is somehow related to stress.  Wednesday was a day beyond stressful, and the dizziness came back immediately.  Now I experience it sporadically throughout the day. 

I didn’t return to the doctor today as it was scheduled.  I didn’t see the point of going back to an ENT when he didn’t find anything wrong the first time.  If anything I rather go to a neurologist.  But for now my plan of action is to work on how to better deal with stress. 

I will write more about it on the next post as I am short on time and I want to make sure I am get enough sleep.  For now I will leave you with a beautiful prayer. 

My Lord, help me to tell the truth in front of strong people
and not to lie to obtain the applause of the weak ones.
If you give me fortune, do not take away my reasoning.
If you give me success, do not take away my humility.
If you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.
Always help me to see the other side of the coin.
Don’t let me blame others of betrayal just because they don’t think just as I do.
God, teach me to love people as I love myself and to judge me as I judge others.
Please, don’t let me be proud if I succeed, or fall in despair if I fail.
Rather remind me that failure is the experience that precedes triumph.
Teach me that forgiveness is a sign of strength and revenge is a sign of weakness.
If you take success from me, give me encouragement to learn from failure.
If I ever offend people, give me courage to apologize to them.
If people offend me, give me the ability to forgive them.
Lord, if I ever forget you please forgive me and never forget me.

― Mahatma Gandhi

Wobbling my way through the day

09 Tuesday Jun 2020

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Pachira Aquatica (money tree)-legend has it that it brings wealth. I bought for the new office.

“The most poetical thing in the world is not being sick.”
― G.K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare

Thank you everyone for the get-well-soon wishes.  I am feeling much better now.  I still wake up wobbly.  It takes awhile to get going, but by the afternoon I am feeling more steady on my feet.

On the day when this vertigo crisis started I woke up with a long list of things to do.  Most of it had to do with getting my new office up and running.

All of a sudden, all the deadlines, the reports I had to hand in, the calls I had to make, all the deliveries I had to meet, it all took a back seat to me just being able to stand up.

In the afternoon I walked to the office, with some steps wobblier than others.  Next time I see people not steady on their feet I will never again assume that they are drunk or on drugs.  They could be afflicted with vertigo, like me, or some other condition that affects their balance.

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” – Shaun Hick

Not feeling well puts everything in perspective.

Humbling. Getting sick and not feeling well is humbling.  The world hasn’t stopped.  All is moving as it should. I am meaningless.  It does show me that the world doesn’t revolve around me. I am no longer the one that can get it all done.

How can I continue to be wonder woman if I can’t even stand up and walk straight?

Vulnerable. I am not invincible.  No one is. Having my body not respond as I want and expect is scary. Is wobbly my new normal? Feeling ill makes me look at being healthy in a different light. Being healthy is a necessity, not a luxury.

Liberating. All of a sudden I am free from all that NEEDED to be done and all I WANTED to get done.  There is nothing more important in the world then getting well and feeling better.  All rest will have to wait.

Control and Acceptance. Feeling ill reinforces the idea that I, as a human being, am not in control of anything.  The only thing that I can possibly try to control is my actions and reactions.  I accept my powerlessness at this moment.  I accept I am not 100%.

Reflection. Feeling ill and unable to do anything other than just lay there looking up at the ceiling is the perfect time for reflection. To reflect about the world and my role in it. To reflect about the lessons, as I am sure there are many being taught me now.  I can’t miss them.

Planning. It is also a perfect time for planning.  Because, of course, any time I don’t feel well, the first thing I dream of doing when I am better is conquering the world. Don’t you? I have this overwhelming feeling that I wasted precious healthy time.  That I didn’t do enough or as much as I should have. Therefore it gives me a renewed sense of purpose and urgency.

Gratitude.  Waking up every morning is a blessing and waking up healthier is even more so.  Not only the next day is not a guarantee, that we will be feeling well the next day is a gamble also.  I am being taught to appreciate every single moment and get busy living and doing all I can while I can.

I am grateful for the vertigo for slowing me down for awhile so I can come back with a faster gear and new resolve.

“I didn’t expect to recover from my second operation but since I did, I consider that I’m living on borrowed time. Every day that dawns is a gift to me and I take it in that way. I accept it gratefully without looking beyond it. I completely forget my physical suffering and all the unpleasantness of my present condition and I think only of the joy of seeing the sun rise once more and of being able to work a little bit, even under difficult conditions.”
― Henri Matisse

My brother is your brother

31 Sunday May 2020

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“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”― Nelson Mandela

I hurt for George Floyd’s family.  May his soul rest in peace, and may God comfort his family.

I am at a loss for words, and I am sure I am not the only one.  My heart and soul hurts.  Why can’t we all just live in peace? Yes, I know that it is naive of me, but I dare to still dream.

Discrimination and prejudice is alive and well in the US, as well as in Brazil.  Instead of progress in the race for equality it seems we have taken huge leaps backwards.  Specially now that we have presidents that made it okay to be racist and to discriminate.  I say presidents because our Brazilian president, Bolsonaro, is just the tropical version of Trump. 

I don’t want to assign blame and point fingers, but I think I am entitled to have expectations of the president of a country.  I expect a president to lead the country in unity.  I expect him to lead by example in treating everyone the same.  I expect him to quickly condemn racism and mistreatment of the minorities. 

“I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”― Nelson Mandela

That is not what is happening. Instead both presidents seems to condone violence and discrimination.  Trump,  from the beginning with all the talk about the Mexican Border Wall has preached separation and discrimination.  I expect presidents to build bridges and to bridge gaps, and not to build walls and applaud division.

Trump made it okay for the racists to come out in the open. It seems that now they can hate and discriminate out in the open.  I feel he gave the green light to hate and to attack.

I am hurting for 2 countries that I love.  I am hurting for my brother and sister that because of their skin color live in fear.  I am hurting for those that have no voice because of their social standing and social economic condition.  I am hurting for the ones not free to express their religion or sexual orientation.

I am hurting for the black mother that sees their child go out of the door and can only pray that they will return safely home.

I pray.  I pray for awareness.  I pray for each person to look inwards and start spreading love. I pray for peace and miracles.

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”― Nelson Mandela

No matter your belief or where you stand, you cannot deny that George Floyd’s death was was murder.  His life was completely disregarded by the one’s tasked with defending and protecting life. It didn’t need to happen.  It could have been easily avoided. And he is not the only one to die in such a senseless manner.  He is only the last one.  

We need the police.  I am grateful for the officers that every single day risk their lives to protect me.  But there is huge problem that needs to be addressed.  Not everyone is qualified to perform that job.  They need to be better trained.  Complaints of brutalities need to be taken seriously.  The good officers need to have a safe environment to speak up against the bad ones. 

What can I do?  I will continue doing what I have always been doing.  I will continue treating everyone the same.  I will continue donating money to causes that I think are important, specially focusing in education, children and the elderly.  I will continue listening when my brother/sister speak.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”-Nelson Mandela

So many tragedies.  Still, I dare to be positive.  I dare to look for blessings.  I dare to expect miracles. I dare to see angels. I dare to still be happy.  I dare to search for the meaning and the lessons.

I stand with goodness.  I stand with God.  I stand with following the law. I am against using violence to protest violence. Please if you are marching to protest be careful, and do so peacefully.  Tearing down our neighbors property, and causing injure to others is not the answer.

I don’t have any answers.  I have prayers and love and I will continue to spread those.

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.”― Nelson Mandela

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A brand new day! A brand new world?

27 Wednesday May 2020

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“The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.
You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.”― Arnold Bennett

Today, May 26, 2020 is a great day.  New Rochelle, NY, where I live, and now also work, entered Phase One of the Coronavirus Pandemic Reopening.

In March, New Rochelle was the epicenter of the virus in NY state.   We have now turned a corner and began moving in the right direction. In the direction of less and less cases.  I hope that people will respect and abide by the restrictions of each phase so that we can quickly progress towards full reopening.

These is how they list the 4 reopening phases: 

  • Phase One:
  • Constructions
  • Manufacturing
  • Retail with curbside pickup
  • Wholesale Trade and Agriculture
  • Phase Two:
  • Retail
  • Real Estate
  • Phase Three:
  • Restaurants
  • Phase Three:
  • Arts and Entertainment
  • Recreation and Education

Now that there seems to be light at the end of this very long tunnel I hope we all can move together towards a better world.  After all is said and done I hope that we are able to take something away from it, a lesson, an idea, a goal, etc. 

Actually, if this quarantine hasn’t thought you anything or have not opened your eyes to anything, then stop and look again.  You don’t want to miss this chance to make life changes, to make a better future for yourself and others.

There is a reason for everything in this world. I am not sure of all the lessons here, but I know that there will be many.  There will be different lessons for different people.  For beginners we will probably value more our family and our freedom of coming and going as we please.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

I have yet to make an inventory of the lessons I have learned, since we are still not completely out of the woods and the learning is daily and on-going.  I will continue to be all about my family, and less about material things.  I will appreciate more my freedom, hugs and faces without masks.   I will continue moving towards a more minimalist life.  I want less things to weigh me down. 

Let’s not waste any more time.  Let’s get busy living. Don’t postpone ideas and wants.  Don’t postpone passions.  Follow your heart.  Follow your bliss!

But more than thinking only about ourselves, we need to think globally.  Planet Earth needs our protection.  Mother Nature needs all of us to be more thoughtful and less wasteful. Let’s take care of each other. Let’s be kind to our neighbors.

“Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury – to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both the body and the mind.”― Albert Einstein

 

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.” ― Confucius

24 Sunday May 2020

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“It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.”― Confucius

I caught myself being short tempered yesterday.  I was at the new office dealing with different issues. There was the electrician, the cable guy and the appliance delivery guy.  The delivery guy was rude.  I tried to ignore it and make conversation, but all I got was grunting.  I didn’t say anything but I wanted to. I wanted to ask what was his problem.  But I didn’t.  Instead I gave him a $20 tip.

I realized that my interaction with him was going to be very short lived and there was no need to be confrontational.  Also, I realized that I have no idea what battles he is fighting.  He is out there putting himself at risk so people like me can get their appliances, and whatever else we order. I decided not to make any assumptions.  Not everyone is friendly and likes to talk.

I constantly need to remind myself to be less critical of others and to stop expecting people to act as I would. I needed to choose respect and understanding.

“Consideration for others is the basis of a good life, a good society.”
― Confucius

Confucius uses the word “jen” to describe love or humanity, or more specific, a compassionate love for humanity/the world.  Having jen is having compassion and love for each other and that is something that we need a lot now more than ever.

Nowadays it seems that everything is about division and we are forced to take sides on every issue. I don’t mean to imply that people should stand in silence in the face of injustice, but not everything is a fight, not everything needs to be made into a war.

“Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others.”― Confucius

I am a democrat but I don’t need to love everything about the democrats and hate the republicans.  I don’t have to choose a side.

I want people to stay at home, but I am not a hypocrite.  I stayed as long as I could. Once the lease and construction of the new office was finalized I have gone out every now and then to get it up and running. I expect deliveries.  Things don’t magically show up.  There are many people behind each package I get.  That fact is not lost on me.

Everyone staying at home 100% of the time  it is just not doable. Not only from the monetary aspect of it, but also the mental one.  Not everyone is equipped to stay that long locked in.

“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.”― Confucius

Let’s remember that to everything there are exceptions. There is always the gray area.  There is the need for common sense.  There is the need to be reasonable, to reflect before jumping to conclusions. There is the need to respect our difference of opinions.

Before a quick retort, before an unkind word, before a confrontation, stop and reflect. Ask yourself if it is really necessary to act in such a way.  Kindness is the answer to every question.

We need more jen.  According to Confucius we are all born with jen, but it up to us to cultivate it.

“Tzu Chang asked Confucius about jen. Confucius said, “If you can practice these five things with all the people, you can be called jen.”

Tzu Chang asked what they were.

Confucius said, “Courtesy, generosity, honesty, persistence, and kindness.
If you are courteous, you will not be disrespected;
if you are generous, you will gain everything.
If you are honest, people will rely on you.
If you are persistent you will get results.
If you are kind, you can employ people.”

So, today try to look with kindness to all, starting at home with your family.  We are all struggling.  Some are better equipped to deal with this quarantine.  Let’s respect each other’s limitations.

Let’s not assume and impose our opinions on others. Less judgment and pointing fingers. Let’s create a Love Pandemic.  Let’s spread kindness.

“If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nations.
When there is order in the nations, there will peace in the world.”
― Confucius

What about Dating? Am I too busy, too lazy , too distracted or just not interested?

20 Wednesday May 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Many things interested her and nothing satisfied her entirely.”
― Ivan Turgenev

Do you remember my friend A, the natural doctor?  It had been a long time since we had spoken on the phone.  I met him on a dating site in 2015. We had a couple of dates and then he disappeared.  When he resurfaced we started going out again but only as friends.  We became great friends.

For awhile we had a Sunday routine of going to the gym, then the sauna, then going for a healthy meal.  Then he got busy, I got busy.  Then he got a girlfriend, and became even busier.  Our friendship just became a text every now and then, which he initiated because, to be honest, I am the worst at keeping in touch. 

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”― Mark Twain

The other day he reached out and we scheduled a call to catch up.  It was fun.  We spoke about everything, including as:

  • Canceled trips: He was going to Paris and Italy in April with his girlfriend.  I was going to Brazil in April.
  • Supplements and vitamins: I have been taking pretty much the same ones I listed here: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2018/08/08/vitamins-supplements-and-positive-thinking/.  He is the one that has prescribed most of those to help me with my gum issues. He mentioned that he is now also taking Blue-Green Algae and raved about it.  I need to look into that.
  • Real Estate: He is talking about buying an apartment.  He lives in the same town I do.  He has been renting but his rent has been increased so he thinks that now it is time to buy.  I am all for buying and stop paying rent.
  • Books: The list of books that I have started and have yet to finish is endless.  I realized that in going on and on about all my books I never asked him about what he is reading now.  He did mention that one of the ones that I have yet to finish is his all-time favorite book: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
  • Plans for when the quarantine is over:  We both agree that we miss getting massages and going out to eat the most. 
  • and among many other topics, he asked me one question that stumped me:  What about dating?

“Is it that you don’t like people, or that you just grow tired of them and can’t for the life of you remember why you ever found them interesting?”― André Aciman, Find Me

What about dating indeed.  I haven’t thought about dating at all, since M. and I parted ways, a couple of months ago.  I was about to take a break from dating when I met him. I deleted my profiles and gave us a chance.  It didn’t work.  Any time a relationship, or just a date doesn’t end up as I wished,  I don’t despair.  I feel it brings me a step closer to the one time that it will work. I always walk away with something, some lesson.  This time was no different.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”― Haruki Murakami

There were red flags.  I ignored them and hoped for the best. I erroneously thought I could have a relationship with a die-hard Trump fan.  I thought that as long as we didn’t discuss politics we would be okay. Wrong! Politics, specially nowadays need to be discussed, even if just to agree to disagree.  

https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2020/03/14/loves-trump-hates-immigrants-and-is-clueless-about-sex-not-my-match-the-mistakes-i-made-and-lessons-i-learned-in-this-short-lived-relationship/

When it all came to a head I knew I was ready for that break.  Then quarantine hit, and on top of that I got busy with working on getting my new office set up.

Dating took a back sit.  Still, it is only a matter of time until I get back to online dating.  I enjoy meeting new people, the flirty back and forth, the first date, and all the infinite possibilities.  Above all, I will forever look for my Mr. Right until I find him, if he doesn’t find me first.  So sooner or later I will be describing first dates again.

But for now I am just too busy, too lazy, too distracted or perhaps just not that interested.

“Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only the best, be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.”― Norman Vincent Peale